 Okay. Welcome back. We're into, yeah, we're into our next hour and we just the last session we looked at how young couples can manage their home and what are practical guidelines, what are some aspects that one should take into, take in mind. Okay. We're going to look at the second part of today which is sexuality, sexual intimacy and physical intimacy in marriage. Now, this is an important part of marriage, sexuality and enjoying a good sex, sexual relationship between husband and wife is an important aspect of marriage and there are certain, so what we're going to be discussing is certain instructions that's given in scripture as well as some insights into how we can, what useful insights can we take in order for us to enjoy this aspect of marriage which is sexual intimacy in marriage. Okay. But I think before we get started and before we delve into this a little further, I think it's important for us to have a brief reflection about what does sexuality mean to us because what you would notice and understand is very many people do have a very different notion about sex and sexuality that is, that is quite contrary to what God and what scripture has, you know, has instructed and these ideas or these concepts or these thoughts come from what we have observed, what we have heard, what we have learned, what we have been told, what we have been, how we have learned about this institution of sexuality. Okay. So again, I think a lot of this, a lot of these insights to come, you know, as I speak to people in counseling. So there are times and, you know, what happens in a marriage, the ability to express one's own intimacy and sexuality with their spouse has an impact because of the way that they have been groomed in it. Maybe it was a taboo, it was not spoken about or there were significant limitations in the way they have been brought up or they have been, the upbringing came about, like for example, maybe in the upbringing of an individual, they've never been allowed to talk to someone of the opposite sex till the time they have been married because of the fear that, okay, if you talk to somebody, then it would move away into them having a relationship and they could be physical intimacy and as a result, they can become a problem. So the very way that it, you know, relationships are seen can actually impact the way it builds up in marriage. So recently I have a, I have a couple right now who's having issues in sexuality because one of the reasons being the wife said she comes from a more traditional home, she said, this was never a topic that was spoken about and there were expectations that, you know, you do not talk to a man, you do not, you know, you keep your relationship with them very minimal, don't even talk about questions about sexuality. So even when she was ready to be married, the questions that she had was never discussed or never answered, never addressed. And so then she gets into marriage and then she said, you know, it's almost like switching on, it's like putting on a switch that from till the time you're married, you're not supposed to be thinking, saying, asking, talking to a man. And right after marriage, you're supposed to be doing all of that, you're supposed to be talking and, you know, sharing and being physically intimate and all of that within a day. So she was talking about how her culture and how difficult it was for her and the way that she had seen it because the husband did come from a lot more open culture where his parents used to talk to him about it and there were open discussions of it. So then, you know, you'd see that kind of a issue there. So it's important for us to reflect to see what or where is our understanding and what is our understanding aligned to? Is it what society and culture says or is it what scripture brings about? So I hope you all have thought about it. If there is anyone who'd like to share, I'd be really, you know, it would be nice for us to understand about this. So anyone has any thoughts or maybe what we could probably share is when did you get to know about sexuality? Or how? How did you get to know about sexuality? Any thoughts here? Anybody? Okay, Rin said, my mom taught in purity retreat. Okay. And is that how you got to know or how was it? Did she discuss it with you as well? Okay, great. I think most of us here on the call may have never had our parents actually talk about sex and sexuality. We probably would have read it through some books or, you know, got it through, maybe through friends. In my growing up, we didn't have the internet. We just had maybe a biology book or just friends who would talk about this, right? But now the influence is so much greater, but the information can be so misconstrued, can be so out of what, what really God wants, right? So and that's why it's so important. And we will be talking about this as we, as we talk about nurturing children, right? Because it's that's an area of conversation that maybe as young children, maybe most of us here, I know that a few of you who are really, really young, but maybe the older ones, we'd never been able to have a, you know, have a discussion. Yeah, I think Jacken said that, but it said not when talked at home, I came to know from my cousin, right? Yeah. So all of this, now it's something that definitely needs to change. Okay, so let's, let's look back into the, into the, into the listen. So just like we, we know God marriage and designed marriage, we know that God is the one who designed sex and he gave it as something to, within marriage to be enjoyed. It is, it is something to be enjoyed within marriage. Hebrews 13 4 says honor marriage and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. So God is the one who designed it and he's gifted it to marriage for the, for the sake of intimacy, for the sake of sexual intimacy. So it is something that is sacred. It is, it is the sacredness that is there in sexual intimacy. So again, in this verse, we do see how God wants us against any form of relationship, a sexual relationship outside of marriage that is outside the boundaries of marriage. So even, you know, even when in premarital sessions, we encourage young people to manage their sexual desires and keep it pure so that they can, can, can keep it, preserve it to be enjoyed for marriage and with their spouse. Okay. Now, even through that, even through this, we do see it is possible for people to have fallen in this, in the area of sexual sin or even become active before marriage, before moving into marriage. It is important to repent of this. It is, it's something that breaks God's heart. God's, you know, it said over here, we need to honour marriage and guard it. So it is to walk in forgiveness, to receive the forgiveness, the mercy and the grace of God to walk in purity from this point on. The, the power of the Holy Spirit is strong to help us at this point to keep us away from anything that is tempting, but to also maintain that place of cleansing and purity as we, as we walk through, you know, relationships. So God's what was designed sex, it's meant to be sacred. It's a gift and he wants us against anything outside the boundaries of marriage, whether it be pre-marital, whether it be extramarital or whether it be other forms, pornography, masturbation, he wants us of that to keep, to keep ourselves pure and non-defined. Okay. Now, the next things that we need to understand is why did God design sexuality? Why did God design sexuality? So if we have a couple of scripture that we can read, would somebody read 1st Corinthians chapter seven versus one to six? 1st Corinthians seven, one to six. Can somebody read this please? Good morning. Good morning, Anthony. Yes, we can hear you. Please go ahead. 1st Corinthians one, two, three, six, right? 1st Corinthians seven, one to six. Okay, seven. Now concern, I'm using Newt in James of Dorothy. Now concerning the things of which he wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Never delay because of sexual immorality. Let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. Let the whole brand render to his wife the affection you have and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have the authority over her own body but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not thank you because of your lack of self-control. Verse six, but I say this as consention, not as a commandment. Okay, thank you. Thank you, Anthony, so much. All right, so let's just look at the reason why God designed sexuality and if you look at some of these verses, we could, you know, we can gain from these. Let's look at verse two. Okay, it says over here, every man should have his own wife and every woman should have her own husband, which means that it is important that a man and a woman express and experience a relationship, sexuality with one another so that it could be fulfilling, it could be healthy, it could be balanced in a world where there is so much of sexual immorality. It says, but because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, each woman should have her own husband, which means that you are in a place of maintaining a balanced and fulfilling sexual life. So it's something that needs to be rewarding and fulfilling, satisfying for both in the marriage. Okay, next we do see is in verse three, it reads that the husband and wife should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. So it talks of how it should be mutual, it should be enjoyed together. It's a place of mutuality where one is seeking to satisfy the other, the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy the husband. Okay, it's not a selfish place where it's just for one's own gratification, but the need to engage with the spouse so that it can be mutually satisfying, ensuring that both do seek fulfillment and pleasure from that. Okay, then we look at verse four, verse four which reads, it shouldn't be used as a weapon against one another. So again, it reads of how the wife gives authority of her body to her husband and vice versa. That is, it's not something where you stand up or you don't use or refrain from sexuality, not holding anything back as a weapon, especially when there are arguments or when there are fights, when you withhold it as a weapon, not permitting, engaging in sexuality. Scriptures encourages us not to be in that place. The only time that it talks about abstaining from it is at a time of fasting or a time of prayer and also in verse five it says, it talks of how Satan has a way, has an ingenious way he can tempt because of our lack of self-control. So he has a way of getting into this area and attacking the area. So it talks of how we need to be on guard and enjoy a fulfilling sex life, both the husband and wife together in this area. And this is what the scripture encourages us to do, which shows that God designed sexuality for enjoyment, for fulfillment, for enjoyment, also for procreation. That is also to continue with the race, to bring about children. If we read in Proverbs chapter five, verse 15 to 19, it talks of, I'll read those verses. It says, drink water from your own cistern and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be on your own and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving dear and a graceful door, let her breast satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love. So the scripture is actually giving you instructions of this intimacy is of how the husband needs to focus only the affection on his spouse and it is both ways. A husband or a wife needs to focus their affection or pay attention to their only wife, especially sexual affections to their wife and how you derive the satisfaction and fulfillment from your own spouse. The spouse delighting in the physical body, deriving pleasure and delight because of the love that they share and the way that the spouse returns or lavishes the love back to the husband. So through the passage we do see that God designed this for pleasure, God designed it for enjoyment, for pleasure, taking time to enjoy and experience one another. So that is, it is part of that greater place of intimacy. Now we also do read in 1st Corinthians chapter 6, 16 to 20. Can someone please read that? 1st Corinthians chapter 6, 16 to 20. Switch on the camera, switch on the camera. Do not know that he who is joined to a hallowed is one body with her, for the two he says shall become one place, but he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Till 20, Anthony. Okay. Please, sexual immorality. Everything that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality stands against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and you are not your own? All right. Thank you. Thanks so much. Okay. So through these verses, we read, let's just look at each of these verses. So it's verse 16. It reads, don't you know that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her. So it's saying that the act of sexuality is a mystery in itself that you become one together. The mystery of the spiritual mystery of this physical fact is that you become one. And so that is why we need to be, it is an expression of commitment to one another. So whenever that is broken, there becomes a Lord of pain and bitterness and anger that comes about. So in order for this mystery of becoming one through this physical act is why we stay committed to one another. The 17th verse, it says, it's something that the person who's joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. It's talking about how the way that we become one with the Master, you know, and because we're one with God, we must not pursue anything that creates the divide between what God wants for us. And when we do pursue sexuality outside of marriage, we are avoiding the commitment and the intimacy that God has designed. And that can never become one. So that's the instruction that Paul gives, saying, flee from sexual sin, run away from sexual sin because there is no other sin that clearly affects the body as sexual immorality. It is a sin against your own body. So it is something sexual sexuality is something that honors God within marriage is that which honors God because he's the one who's designed the body, he's the one who's designed that intimacy. Because God's the one who's made us body, soul and spirit. And it's the Holy Spirit that is in habits within, you know, in the husband and the wife, even during the sexual union, so that it makes it a satisfying in a sacred place. So in itself, sexuality is like a spiritual mystery and not just something that that is only a physical act. And this gets expressed when they become one. So that's that's another reason why God brought it up. It's to enjoy commit, enjoy intimacy, enjoy pleasure, and it becomes an expression of commitment. Okay. There are a couple of instructions that are given important practices that are there for sexual intimacy. And if you look at all of that, it's all to do with how, you know, you, you, you're careful about your personal hygiene. You're careful about how you express sexuality. What are some of the practical, maybe measures or things that you do to keep it light, to keep it enjoyable, to keep it pleasurable. There are very many practices that are there, which you could probably go through. Okay. It's also important to manage personal sexuality, which means, you know, on on a on your own, what is it that you need to do is couple of things is one, to be able to direct all sexual affections only towards the spouse, which also means not engaging in anything that that maybe not not just a person, but even engaging in things like pornography or masturbation, or even thoughts, thoughts of fantasy, right, anything that keeps the affection away from the spouse. So directing all sexual affections towards your spouse. The second one is refusing any thought that you may need sexual fulfillment from any other means, which, which like we spoke about was was general fantasies or pornography, masturbation, or, or even, you know, engaging in engaging in sexually sexual implicit material, whether it be movies or books or things that to be careful that we refuse to engage with that because that's giving a power over to the enemy. Okay. The next one is to pray, pray over these sexual affections and consecrate our affections to God and make sure that we dedicate it to the spouse, but dedicate it only to our spouse. It's an important matter also, you know, as we did, as we did read that sexuality is also for procreation, which means to have children. So one of the major decisions that a couple would need to come about is when to have children. It is true that God desires to see godly offspring. And we read that in Malachi 2.15. It says, his spirit inhabit, inhabits every detail of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? He wants godly children. That's what he wants. So guard the spirit of marriage. Okay. And don't cheat on the spouse. So it is godly offspring that God desires be raised out of the union of a husband and wife. So it is good to discuss the especially issues of children and childbirth. It is, it's definitely important to discuss it. And these can be some of the discussions that you need, you can engage in, especially in pre-marital, we do talk about some of this discussing when one would like to have children, how many children, what are the measures that one would use to plan their family, what measures would they use to avoid pregnancy, right? Anything that is unplanned. There are other situations that we also talk about is infertility. What would one do in case of a miscarriage or in case of infertility? Here we encourage people to keep believing and to keep trusting in God while you may be doing, you know, maybe, maybe certain treatments that you may take on in medical treatments that you take on, doing that, yet also being able to believe God for an answer. Okay. There is definitely an instruction of not ending a marriage because of infertility or because of impotence that they may be there in one of the, in the husband. Okay. Abortion is another thing that we know and believe that abortion is not acceptable and it must not be allowed to anyone. Okay. And only maybe if there is any kind of a medical danger or a medical situation that may warrant it, yet keeping it in absolute prep. So what happens if a person, if you, if a spouse or his partner loses interest in sex? So there can be several reasons when a person loses interest in sex in marriage. It could be because of physical problems. It could be emotional distress or emotional indifference or there could be a sense of breaking down in emotional intimacy. It could be, it could be just busyness. So it is important to address these matters because sexual intimacy is one to be enjoyed within marriage. So to continue to find ways of how this can be addressed. It's also important to remember that sexual intimacy is not just the act of sexual intercourse, but it is also a place where there should be non-sexual affection that is shown either through touches or harms or verbal affection. So it's always important to be generous in this regard rather than keep sexuality only with regard to sexual intercourse, but to really show affection in non-sexual terms to really build that sense of being loved and being accepted and being affectionate. So it is important to do that. Also a quick note about enjoying sex when you're older, when you're 40 and beyond. There are many changes that a man and a woman's body goes through. Women go through menopause. Men can have challenges. It's important to keep open discussions about it, enjoy fulfilling sexual lives as you keep going forward. It's to also address any kind of problems that may be as we said, losing interest in sex or all of that. How do you address that so that it can be something that can be enjoyed even into the later years of marriage? Yes, I'm done. Is there any thoughts, any questions that you already have that you'd like us to address? Any questions? There's no shame in asking questions, especially about sexuality and sex. No shame. So please go ahead and throw in your questions. Nobody? Okay, any other thoughts, any questions, anything else from what we've covered up until now? Okay, all right. If there isn't, I think we can, I hope all of you all have completed the assessments. The e-learning students, you have time to the end of this, end of the course. So it wouldn't be a problem for you. But for the online students, it's important that you finish it. You should have finished it two days ago. The corrections will come and your marks will come too. All right, if there's nothing, let's close with the word of prayer. Heavenly Father, we thank you Lord for the things that we looked in today. Thank you that you are a God who really has thought about everything, Father, the way that a marriage should take place. God, you designed it in such a way that a husband and wife can really experience freedom and intimacy, love, commitment, pleasure, togetherness, teamwork. Thank you God. I pray Lord for all marriages being represented here on this call and whoever hears us God. Lord that we will be closer and closer in our design of marriage to you. Lord that we will be willing to obey you, willing to let go. Lord of areas of stubbornness, areas of difficulty, areas of indifference, discomfort, you'll be able to let go and truly experience what you have created for marriage to be like. Thank you once again for teaching us from your word. Thank you God that you go ahead of us and prepare our hearts Lord for greater things. I pray for each student here on the call as well as the Zealand students. Thank you that you are guiding them, blessing them. I pray Lord for your word and for your hand over each of their lives that they will see you Lord in greater measures. Thank you once again. Be with us Lord until we meet again Holy Spirit. Continue to guide us. Continue to instruct us and comfort us. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. All right. Thank you all so much. Have a blessed week ahead. We shall meet next week.