 The Anderson family. Can you imagine this JJ Tuttle trying to sell me a third interest in his book, My Life in the Sudan? Why, Oliver, you talk as though his book isn't any good. Just this afternoon, you told him it sounded great. I told him that just to get rid of it. Oh, then you think the book's no good? Of course not. Tuttle's never been further than a long beach. I wouldn't put a dime in it. Homer Meister did. Well, what would you expect? Of course he did. Well, then you can prepare yourself for a shock. A shock? Yes. You seem so interested in the deal that I paid Mr. Tuttle $150 for a share. $150? Where did you get it? Out of the cash box. Out of the cash box? That wasn't my money. That belongs to the boss. Uh-oh. Here we go again, folks. Let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started when JJ Tuttle, the gentleman who lives next door to the Anderson's, wrote a travel book called My Life in the Sudan. All Tuttle needs is some money to have it printed. The first that Oliver Anderson knew about the book was while the family was eating dinner. Did you tell Papa about Mr. Tuttle's book, Mom? Not yet, dear. What book is this? Oh, Mr. Tuttle's written a book about his travels in the jungles. He thinks it'll be a bestseller. He told Mom and me some of the stuff he's going to have in it. Oh, it sure swell, Pop. You mean he wrote a book? Yes, he did. 160 pages, all about tiger hunting, and lots of interesting things. I thought he was going to go to work. Well, Oliver Anderson, don't you think it's work writing a whole book? I should think you try to help him. After all, there's a lot of money in books, you know. All right, he's written a book. Get your sleeve out of the potatoes, Junior. He's willing to share his good fortune with others, too. That's a good trait in anyone. I didn't say it wasn't. He wants to see you, too, Pop, after you eat. I don't know anything about books. Brad, Junior. Yeah, sure. He's waiting for you to come over, Oliver. I told him you would. OK, but I don't know how I can help him. Can I go, too, Pop? No, you'd better stay home, Junior. I think Mr. Tuttle wants to talk business with your father. Hey, Scots, what now? Yes, what is it? Never mind, it's just Anderson. Hey, my, step right in. Why don't you identify yourself, my dear fellow? Why, were you expecting the cops? Cops? What made you mention the constabulary? Oh, just kidding. Hi, Homer. Hi, Oliver. Tuttle, Mary said you wanted to see me. Yes, yes, I did. Oliver, I've the greatest book which has hit the publishing field for many a year. Have I read it? Well, no, not yet. You see, we have to be mighty careful who we let in on it in the first one we thought of you. Is this going to cost me something? Like I told Mary this afternoon, a man with your wonderful sense of humor will go far. Lock the door there, Homer. I don't want a word of this to leak out. Well, maybe if it's a secret, I shouldn't list. Come now. Let's get to the business at hand. Homer, were you successful? Here, Homer, sit on my chair. No, no, no, thanks, Oliver. I'm going to stand. Well, Tuttle, I hate to say it, but it didn't make it. Marty's got a new lock on the trunk. A new lock? You don't mean you're moving out, Homer? Quiet, please. Homer, you told me expressly that you could obtain the $200 on a moment's notice. Yes, so I saved you a fourth interest in my book, My Life in the Sudan. $200? That's silly. I can buy any book for a dollar and have no worry at all. Please, Anderson, just a moment. Well, it's stupid. $200. Homer, this is a fine state of affairs after I've made arrangements for you and the photographs and all. Oh, well, Homer doesn't take a very good picture anyhow. Oh, well, I've done the best I could, Tuttle. Look, maybe I just better run on home. No, no, please, Anderson. This is most important. Yeah, Homer, I've made concessions in your favor. I made arrangements for your picture to be taken with my old squirrel gun. Oh, me. Yes, yes, that, of course, goes on page two of the autobiography. Well, just how is that going to help, Homer, Tuttle? Help him? Great, Scott. He can send an autographed copy to the mayor of North Platte. Yeah, well, maybe the mayor can't read. Oh, he can, too. He can read as good as I can. Yeah, right nice, Father. You say I get my picture in the front? Oh, me. How big a picture? Well, now wait, Homer. You only got half a page, you know. Yes, half a page for $200. That's a fair deal. I'd take it myself, Homer, if I had $200. I have also arranged a native costume with rifle, and you pose with a full-grown tiger. Is the tiger tame? We take the picture at the zoo. And of course, Homer is outside the cage. They take the boss right out of the overgap. Gee, Homer, for $300, you can get right in and ride the tiger. Well, it's a mighty interesting deal, Tuttle. Oh, Homer. And as soon as Marthe goes downtown, I'll get the $200 out the trunk. That's the way Homer is, Tuttle. If he wants a thing, he's spent. Of course, if Homer can obtain, say, an additional $100, I might see fit to enlarge the picture. Yeah, instead of the title being my life in the sedan, you could call it our lives in the sedan. Oh, yes. I see financial security ahead for you and for me, Homer. Just think of the millionaires today who would still be riveting or welding doing common laboring chores if they hadn't taken a chance on a good thing. Oh, there's no question about it. Well, I hope everything comes out all right. You coming over soon? Oh, maybe in our two. Oh, me. Antoinette, don't the jam café said there was heaven, corn, beef, and cabbage? Oh, hi, Denton. Just getting home. How's the Mrs? Well, she's feeling a mite better. Been laid up for a couple of weeks. Kind of off her feet, I guess. Had to have the vet for her last night. Gee, that's tough. I guess she got hold of some bum pretzels. I guess the person has to be careful. Say, who's this stranger that moved in Meister's garage? Oh, you mean JJ Tuttle? Big fella, white spats, gray vests, and dirty? Yeah, that's the fireman. Thought he was with a medicine show. Oh, no, no, no, he writes books. You don't say. Yeah, got one ready for the publisher right now, called My Life in the Sudan. You don't say. About time somebody wrote about the house in shortage. No, no, no, it's Sudan, not Sudan. You know, I kind of like a place where I can stretch my legs and get... Now, look, you don't get it. It's a hunting story. A hunting about tigers, jungles and stuff. We expect to clean up with it. Yeah, that's the way with them fillers, selfish-like. They call the money themselves and keep it. Homer Meister just bought a third interest in the book for $150. Well, now, it's that good, eh? I don't know, I haven't read it yet. You know, I always wanted to get mixed up in something artistic like that. Do you reckon he'd let me? You could ask him. Well, I don't know the man. Just look, just tell him you know me. It'll be all right. You don't? Well, do tell. You know, it's right and nicer you to steer me onto this thing, Anderson. I'll be able to do something for you someday myself. Always glad to help a neighbor, Denton. Well, I sure hope this thing turns out good, Anderson. Last investment I made I ended up broke, and the other varment ended up in Boothill. Oh, swell. Look, I'll show you where the pipe leaks, Chapman. It's the first chance I got to get over, Anderson. You know how plumbin' is these days. Yeah, I know. Plumbin's high. Yeah, I have some company coming over in a few minutes. Company, Oliver? Yeah, Tuttle's gonna run over his book for us. Tuttle, as a fellow who showed me an interest in blisterfix, that's the guy living in with the Meister automobile, eh? No, that is now called the guest house. Come on, I'll show you the pipe. Say, what's this book he's gonna run over with you? Olds book he has ready for the publisher. Homer Meister bought into it, and Denton's gonna buy into it too, I guess. Is it that good? Looks like it. I haven't read it yet. Here's the pipe. Yeah. There's really no pipe leaking. You just need a washer in that faucet, Saul. See, I'm gettin' off cheap, then, ain't I? How much is a washer? A nickel. A nickel? Yeah, 350 service charge, 355 altogether. Say, this guy's got something good, eh? Yeah, I guess so. But you wouldn't be interested in books. What do you mean I ain't interested in books? I should be in half my evenings reading Superman and Batman with Butch. Well, look, this is a different type. Any pictures in it? You wouldn't be interested. Wait a minute here, Anderson. You mean all you got with culture? I didn't say that. Then why don't you want me to buy a share? I don't care if you do or you don't. Ain't nothing wrong with me. I can read. I know you can. And I got the dough. Then why don't you talk the title? I will. I got the same right as anybody else to make a buck. Course you have. And I'd like to see this title guy try to keep me out. I don't think he will. My dough's as good as yours. Look, look, Chapman, don't get pushy here. There's nothing. Mr. Chapman's just leaving. Yeah, yeah. But Fice, give me $4.75. I didn't know you owed Mr. Chapman anything, Oliver. I don't. Look, I thought you said the bill would be $3.55. It would. But you got me into this argument and I ain't arguing with nobody on my own time. You know, Mary, I'm sorry we got mixed up in this book business. If anything happened that wasn't any good, I'd have to leave town. Oh, don't be silly, Oliver. I understand Mr. Denton bought a share. And it looks as old Chapman wants a piece of it. It looks bound to be a success, Oliver. Mr. Tuttle said so. Oh, here he is now. Please, Oliver, don't embarrass the poor fellow. Be kind to him. I'll try. Oh, good evening, Mr. Tuttle. Come in. Thank you, my dear. My, my, how lovely you look this evening. The bloom of an orchid on your cheek. Oh, thanks. Oh, Homer came with you. Howdy, howdy, Mary. Yep, yep. Just thought I'd hear him go about it once more. I'm confused in a couple of places. Oliver's right in here, Mr. Tuttle. Just put your hat on the table there. Thank you, my dear. Me such fine hospitality. Look, look, Tuttle, I have a lot of stuff to do here. Tish-tush. Now, Anderson, I want you to be the first to hear the book. Even before the publisher reads it. Is this enough light, Mr. Tuttle? Yes, yes, thank you. May I have a glass of water, Mary? Water? Oh, of course. I won't be but a second. You don't feel faint, do you, Tuttle? But, of course, it's a certain strain. You mean you read the book under a doctor's cares? The water, my friend, is to moisten my lips. Oh, here you are, Mr. Tuttle. Ah, thank you. Now, if we'll have it quiet, please. Now, let's see. You know the title, of course. My Life in the Sudan. Look, it's late. Let's get to the meat of the thing. A meat? Oh, yes, yes, of course. Are you ready? Ready? Are you going to read it or time it? Quiet. Now, opus. Opus? A merely a publishing term, my dear. Page one, chapter one. First edition, first printing. This book and its entirety is covered by copyright. Look, look, Tuttle, get on with the story. Is that you, Junior? Yeah, I just want to hear the book. Oh, that's all right. Just keep real quiet now, dear. Now, now, here we go. A tropical sun burning and scorching the very terrain upon which you stand. And in the distance, the warm glow of campfires. Fires during the heat? No, it doesn't make sense. Yes, yes, I see what you mean. Well, perhaps I could just cut out about the campfires. Please, Junior, quiet or leave the room. The savage breast of Bolo, my gun bearer, heaved under his heavy load as under a full moon. We start our trek into the dangerous jungle. Moonlight, sun, campfires, water. I'll, perhaps I'll change that a little. But what about the tigers, Mr. Tuttle? Junior. Look, Junior, great Scott, a fellow can't get started on it. Now, I don't mind constructive criticism. Okay, I'll make notes as we go. Maybe we can dance it to about three pages. Junior, is that you? No, no, not me. It's Mr. Meister. Great Scott, I've never been so humiliated in my life. Mr. Tuttle, you're bending the front. And I shall bend them all. Great Scott, I shall take the story where people appreciate real leaders. If you do, you'll be misunderstood. Homer, Homer, wake up. Poor Homer, sound asleep. Come on, come on. What? Oh, dog gun, it must have dozed off. Yes, yes, come, come. We're leaving, Homer. I've never been so humiliated in my life. Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Tuttle. Oh, he's the temperamental type, Mary. He's gonna be all right. Saves time anyhow, this way. Well, there goes the author. I knew I should have read the thing before I talked about it. But Oliver... But I thought it was funny, Pa. Gee, I couldn't listen to all night. It may be funny to you, Junior, but I'll bet Denton and Chapman aren't laughing. After all, they have money in it. Oh, no, you don't think they'll lose it? It's not my look out. Oh, but Oliver, it is. How do you mean? Because we have 150 in it, too. We have? Where did you get $150? In the cash box. Oh, brother, that wasn't my money. It belonged to the boss. And now back to the Anderson family. Well, J.J. Tuttle has been talking to Oliver about a book he has written called My Life in the Sudan. Oliver talked about the book to several friends and found out that they bought an interest in the book. This in itself would have been bad enough, but to top it all off, he discovered Tuttle had talked Mary into a share of the book, and she'd paid for it with money which belongs to the boss. Oliver now is struggling for a way out. Now, you see, Mary, if you just talked to me, we could have stopped all this. I won't even dare go out of the house now. But you had nothing to do with these other people buying a part of it, Oliver. Yeah, but they think I did. Why, that book isn't even an article. It's just rubbish. It's your funny, Pop. It isn't supposed to be funny, Julia. Well, it would be funny if you hadn't put my $150 into it. Now, how do I pay the boss? I think you're taking it too seriously, Oliver. You think so? This doesn't sound so good. Just take it easy, Senator. Mr. Denton. Good evening, ma'am. Is your man to home? Why, uh, yes. Won't you come in? Uh, thanks. Mr. Anderson is in here. It's just a little business matter, ma'am. Oh, hey, good evening, Mr. Denton. Well, sit down. No, thanks, partner. It's all the same to you. I'll just stand this one out. Well, suit yourself. What's become of that ombre next door? Raddled his door knob and nobody answered. Looks like he's gone over the hill. Mr. Tuttle gone? Yep. He's settled up, I reckon. Oh, I don't think so. Well, of course, I know my money's safe. As long as Anderson's got anything to do with it. Oh, oh, oh, sure, sure, sure, of course. Well, I'm glad to hear it. I thought I'd drop in and pick up my investment. I understand you're in the firm, too. Well, yeah, yeah, I am. But I'm not cashier. Oh. Oh, you ain't it? No. Well, all I can say is this. Some varmint is going to get dry gulched in this neighborhood if I don't see my money by tomorrow's sundown. Oh, well, I'm sure you won't lose anything, Mr. Denton. Well, I'm glad to hear that, lady. I'm not aiming to have no trouble. All I want is my money back. Yeah, I'll see Tuttle. I just want my money in by tomorrow's sundown. Huh, fine mess. I'm not going to be stuck with this thing. Well, maybe you could sell it to someone, Oliver. Are you kidding? Well, Junior liked it. Maybe it would make a good children's book. Yeah, but it made him laugh. Hmm, all the better. That might be a funny book for kids. Hey, wait a minute. Maybe you've got something there. I know Peterson down at the publishing house. Maybe this is Tuttle. I'll get it. Anderson speaking. Anderson, this is Chapman. Oh. And look here. I got dough in that book, see? And I can't find his punt Tuttle. Well, that's not my fault, is it? And you taught me into this deal, didn't you? Well, no, I just told you I... You told me no such thing and get this, Anderson. I'm collecting that 200 before Saturday or there's going to be something money unpleasant happen on this street. Uh, you get your money. Now, just calm down, Chapman. That's what I want to hear. I'm glad I got that all straightened out. Uh, yeah, it's all straightened. Goodbye. Chapman. Yeah. Blowing a valve, too. I knew we shouldn't have been mixed up in this thing, Mary. But Mr. Tuttle sounded so earnest, darling. Yeah, so did Chapman. Now, all I have to do is sell the book. Oh, boy in the flesh, Mary. Look, money, money, money, money, money, lots of it. Well, where did you get it? Call it a $700. How did you... I mean... Well, Peterson thought it was the funniest kid's book he'd ever read. Said he'd give me $700 now and more if they sold a second printing. But what have you told Tuttle yet? Well, he's not over there. Neither is Homer. And Martha won't even speak to me. Well, at least you can give these people their money back. That is the first thing I'm going to do. And from now on, when Tuttle mentions anything about investments, say no automatically, dear. Well, say, maybe this is Tuttle now. Uh-huh. Well, Mary. Mr. Chapman, won't you come in? Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks, Mrs. Anderson. Eh, see, would you leave the house for a few minutes, please? Leave the house? Yeah, yeah, I got wage with Anderson. I've been waiting for three hours for him to show up. Well, it's right in here. Mr. Anderson will talk to you. Oh, oh, yeah, here you are. Hi, Chapman. Sit down. Hey, I don't want no hospitality, though, from you, Anderson. Uh-huh. I just want $200. And in currency at a U.S. $200? Okay, my friend. Wait a minute. Okay. Yeah. Eh, you mean you got it? Yes, sir. Of course I have. Well, this is indeed a pleasant surprise. Wait till I tell a boy. Hey, it's Homer. You know, I've been hiding in them darned bushes for three hours, got all caught up there and everything. I've been afraid to come out. Well, he'll be glad to hear that I collected something on the book. Oh, you mean you sold it? Yes, sir, I sold it. But it isn't my life in the Sudan anymore. Uh, well, a rose by any other name. Uh, he got the money? Yes, sir, got the money. Oh, boy, oh, boy, I don't know how glad I am, oh, boy, oh, boy. How much did you have in it? Well, let's see, you know, $100 in money and I better get it back to... $100, huh? Yeah. And then, of course, he's been living in my garage and then outside of that, of course, it'd be kind of nice if I could get a little profit out of it. Profit nothing. You're going to be disappointed. I just got your money back. Oh, you did, hey? Yeah, look, and by the way, where is this top? Uh, I can't tell you. Can't tell me. You don't know? Uh, yep. Oh, come on. Uh, we, uh... We? Well, I can't tell you. Oh, can't tell me, huh? I can get him, though, if everything's all right. Why don't you go to bed, Oliver? You're worn out. Oh, I'm waiting for someone. Waiting for someone? Well, Homer's gone out to dig Tuttle up and send him over. Tuttle? Yeah. Oh, now wait, Oliver. The poor fellows had enough trouble already. I'm not going to cause him any trouble, but I'll certainly mention that we're not interested in any more of his phony deals. This must be Tuttle now. I hope so. Don't make things any worse for him, dear. Don't wind him up like a clock. Come in, Mr. Tuttle. Thank you, Mrs. Anderson. Your kindness is gratifying in the extremity. Why, it's Tuttle. Oh, you look ill. Ah, me. How does your good husband feel about it? Well, I... I'm sure I can't say. Well, well, well, Tuttle. Come on in, partner. Sit down. Yes, yes. Homer told me all about it. Oh, he did, huh? I want to shake your hand, Anderson. Never, never mind that. Now, look. Where's the money you got from these people? It's gone, Oliver. Gone? Yes. Me thought perhaps that Homer and I could augment the sum collected, but Homer... picked the wrong goat. A fine thing. Horse race, Betten. And you took tips from that character, Homer? Well, look, Tuttle, just for your information, I paid off the people and kept us both out of jail. Anderson, I'll never forget this. You're kindest. You're interested in me welfare. It touches me to the very core of me being. Yeah, very touching. But look, now, wait a minute. I've paid everyone. I have my own money back in here. Here's $50 left over. $50? That's right. I mean, in case... Yes, sir. I got $700 for the book. $700 for a bestseller? Well... Great Scott Anderson, why do you constantly interfere in me transactions? Goodness to Tuttle, we couldn't find you. And I'm not going to crawl under automobiles to dig you out. Automobiles? Yes, automobiles. Look at your cobwebs on your coat, grease spot on your vest. Look at your knees. Very well, I accept defeat. I shall take this paltry pittance. Paltry pittance? And start anew, looking forward to even greater triumphs. Oh, hi, Mr. Tuttle. Ah, me, you. What a wonderful thing. Yeah, um... Ah, me, it takes me back to my childhood. Yeah, look, look, Tuttle. Look, it's late and now... My dear old mother, looking down at me with tears in her eyes. Wait a minute, Tuttle. Let's not go into that. Let's close the whole deal here and now. And listen, leave me out of any further deals you may have. I will respect your wishes, Oliver McCully. Oh, that's fine. Ah, me, now I shall have to start with $50 and run me remedy... youth back into thousands. Then I hope to repay you for your kindness. Youth back? Youth back, huh? What's that? Ah, merely a little remedy I've perfected for people of 60 or over. Put spring in their steps, sparkle in their eyes, and when the nation learns of me discovery... Hmm, how do you handle it? Oliver? Uh, uh, uh, uh... Bernie, Bernie. Well, I just asked you, sir. And when preparations are made, I shall contact you, Anderson, and perhaps from the embers of sordid defeat, we may fan the flame to the very pinnacle of success. Cheap, huh? Wait a minute. Never interrupt when people are talking about this youth that... Oliver, it's late. Of course, I... It doesn't hurt to listen, does it? I know just what'll happen if you listen. Ah, me, yes, I remember... Well, a fellow can ask questions, can't he? Of course, but we're not going to get into anything else. Oh, you... You'll always... Oh, here we go again, folks. The Anderson family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Lytton and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior, and Herbert Rollins as Homer. Others in the cast were Doug Young and Ray Erlenborn. Music by Gordon Kibbey, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production, transcribed from Hollywood.