 The Jack Benny Program, presented by Lucky Strike. It is the service of men. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. First again with Tobacco Man, Lucky Strike. More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. There you have the findings of a recent impartial survey which reveals the personal smoking preference of the men who really know tobacco. The auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen. Yes, the survey shows... Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. First again with Tobacco Man. First again with the men who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. And when these experts smoke Lucky Strike for their own personal smoking enjoyment, then you know... LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And in a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts. So for your own real deep-down smoking enjoyment, smoke the smoke Tobacco Expert smoke. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Graham starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to present you a man whose charm and personality have gained him millions of admirers. A man who's not only love for his... Wait a minute, I must have the wrong script. This is introducing Robert Taylor. That's right, Don. Jack has gone away on a week's vacation and Robert Taylor is taking his place. He should be here any minute. Robert Taylor! Oh, that's wonderful. But Mary, I still can't get over Jack's just packing up and going away on a trip. Well, it's more than just a trip, Don. Jack is spending a glorious week in New York. What made him decide to go so suddenly? He won it on the bride and groom program. Bride and groom program? Oh, you mean that our own little Jackie Boy ran off and got married? Well, not exactly, Don. But Jack figured here was a way to get a trip for nothing, so he got someone to go through the ceremony with him. But what girl would go along with a gag like that? Mary, what are you laughing at? He couldn't get a girl, so he hired a man with a tuxedo and Jack wore his Charlie's aunt costume. With a veil yet. What? Well, Mary was all a gag. Why didn't he come to you with the idea? He did. That's why he wore the veil. I punched him in the nose. Anyway, Don, till Bob gets here, I think that we... Hiya, Don T. Hello, Livy, you little May company magnolia. Where's Jackson? Well, Jack won't be on the program today. Oh, he won't? What's wrong? Nothing's wrong. He just decided to take a vacation. He needed a rest. Well, it's his own fault. What? He wouldn't be so worn out. No, Phil, Jack doesn't have that much money. He don't, huh? When Jackson goes to the bank to make a deposit, he's carrying so many bags that Teller puts on a red cap and meets him at the door. Phil. And then the vice president grabs a microphone and yells, leaving on track five another load for Fort Knox. Okay, okay, Phil, you don't have to start being such a big comedian just because Jack is off this week. He got Robert Taylor to fill in for him. He got who? Robert Taylor. Oh, you mean Spangler Arlington Broome? How do you like that? What's the matter, Phil? Well, why does Jackson want to get somebody else when he's got me? Why, baby, I'm Radio's answer to the governor of Alabama. Me little Filthy. Yes, that's pretty thing. The kid with the soothing personality. Phil, your personality is about as soothing as an eyewash with Tabasco sauce. So whether you like it or not, Robert Taylor's gonna be on the show. Okay, okay, but if you don't show up pretty soon, I'm taking over. Oh, no, you're not. Oh, Mary, maybe we ought to check and see if Bob has started for the studio yet, huh? Well, that's a good idea, Don. I think I will. And it's the only thing that ever wings at me. Miss Livingston, will you get me Robert Taylor's house? And please hurry, because Mr. Taylor's gonna take Mr. Benny place on the show today. One moment, please. What is it? It's nothing. So Robert Taylor's taking his... Robert Taylor! A box and turnip green. They're talking to a red cat. Taylor being on Jack Benny's program. Yeah. Why, if Robert Taylor walked down the corridor right now, I'd get to him if I had to jump through that playlist window. Well, you can jump at him if you want to. I'll wait here and catch him when he throws you back. It'd be funny. Operator, operator. Oh, I'm sorry, but Robert Taylor doesn't answer. He must be on his way over. I just called his house and he doesn't answer. In the meantime, uh, Phil, maybe we ought to... Oh, that must be Bob now. Come in. Okay, where is he? Where is he? Well, wait a minute, mister. I don't know who you're looking for, but you must have the wrong place. No, I ain't. I'm looking for a guy named Benny. Look, Bob, we're doing a show here. Now, what do you want with Benny? I married him yesterday on Bride and Girlie. William don't promise me. He promised me ten bucks. You're at twenty holding that wrinkled old hand. He left right after the ceremony. Well, how do you like that? He goes on a honeymoon and leaves me here with my wife and kids. Oh, now, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, fellow. When Mr. Benny comes back, I'm sure he'll give you the ten dollars. And fifty cents. He made me pay for the rice. Oh. Knocks on the door. I was a widow's peak. See you. I'm lucky to be here. As I came down the hall, something jumped at me through a plate glass window. A plate glass window? Oh, my goodness, Bob. Let me wipe that blood off your cheek. That isn't blood. That's lipstick. It kissed me. Well, anyway, Bob, it's certainly nice of you to come over and fill in for Jack. Glad to do it, Mary. I think you know everyone. This is Don Wilson. Oh, sure. Sure. How are you, Don? That's the control booth. Don's over here. And, Bob, I'm sure you know Phil Harris. Yes. As a matter of fact, a couple of months ago, I took his place with Alice. Wait a minute, Raul. He takes my place with Alice. That doesn't really mean that. I just meant that when you were in Denver, I took your place on the Fitch bandwagon. I know, but you wouldn't have been there if Alice hadn't have tricked me. Tricked you? Yeah. She told me she was hiring Spangler Arlington Brew. With a name like that, I thought it must be a ballet dancer. Well, that's funny. I've seen you lead an orc, sir, and I thought you were Gilda Gray. Don't argue. Jack won't like it. Oh, hello, Don. Hiya, Phil. Hello, Mary. Hello, Dennis. Mr. Benny, those must be wonderful vitamin pills you're taking. That isn't, Mr. Benny. It's Robert Taylor. Robert Taylor? Yes, I'm a ballet dancer. But, Taylor, the movie star. Gosh, Mr. Taylor, my mother's crazy about you. She even keeps your picture under the icebox. Under the icebox? She doesn't want my father to know she's got your picture. Oh. The other day, my father came into the kitchen and, oh, boy, did my mother think fast. She did, huh? Yeah, when my father said, what are you doing with your head under the icebox? Let him alone. Let him alone. Hey, tell me something, Spang. I don't blame you for changing your name, but how'd you happen to pick Robert Taylor? Well, it was by accident when the studio told me that I needed a stage name. I thought of a lot of them. Didn't know which one to take, so I picked one out of a hat. Gee, that's a coincidence. When I was born, my mother picked my middle name out of a hat. Really, Dennis? What is your middle name? Sweatbin. Bob, at this point in the program, Jack usually has us do a commercial. Go ahead and read it. Oh, no, I just don't read it. You see, we do a musical commercial with Jack's Quartet, the sportsman. Oh, hello, fellas. Ah, they have a wonderful selection prepared for today. You were meant for me. You were meant for me. Say, Don. Yes, Bob? Do you think they'd mind if I accompanied them? I do play a musical instrument, you know. Well, Bob, I didn't know that. What instrument do you play? The cello. Oh, no. It's not a cello. You don't play any instrument. Bob, if you want to accompany the quartet, go ahead and do it. Okay, just wait a minute while I get my cello. Okay, Bob, while you get set, I'll announce the number. Ladies and gentlemen, you were meant for me by the sportsman's quartet and starring Robert Taylor on the cello. You were all the good things rolled up in one. You should try our lucky. They are better than the rest. The quality of your product is essential to success. Little time for music. I used to play a musical instrument. You did, Dennis? Yeah, but one day my mother got mad at my father and threw it at him and it got smashed against the wall. Aw, that's too bad. What instrument was it? The piano. That's terrible, Dennis. Did anybody get hurt? Just me. I was still sitting on the stool. It's Robert Taylor. New York calling. Say, Murray, it must be Jack. I know this is long distance, but how much does it cost to say how are you? What did you call for? Not enough laughs on the program. See, I can't understand that. I'm really working hard. I've even got my coat off. My pants. Want to talk to Mary? Just a minute. Mary wants to talk to you. Oh, thanks, Bob. Hello, Jack. Sound like Gessel. I want you to sing your song right now. Okay, Toots. Toots. I call you babe, but she's your sister. Okay, Dennis, go ahead and sing. Shadows on the trail from Walt Disney's picture melody time, featuring Dennis Day. And very good, Dennis. Dennis, who? Dennis Sweatband. My name is Nelson. I'm a photographer and I was asked to come over here and take some pictures. They'll appear in the five magazines I work for. Five magazines? What are they? A peak pic, click, look, and snub. Well, Mr. Nelson, if you're going to take pictures, you better get started. Very well. I'll set up my equipment. Hey, Nelson, is that little black box your camera? No, it's my dark room. I've got two midgets working in there. Yes, they're half Nelson. Aren't you glad you have? And now for the pictures, I'll take Curly first. Are you ready? Anytime you are. How do you want me? Profile or full? If I'd have wanted you full, I'd have caught you last night. Then you shouldn't talk that way. Let him alone, let him alone. I'm the star of the show today, so why don't you take a picture of him? Very well. Will you sit here in this chair and hold your cello between your knees? Certainly. Like this? Like this? That doesn't look too good. Lean the cello on your right knee. Now, I'm trying to get something that shows you're a great athlete, but I can't seem to get it with a cello. Well, if you want something sporty, I can slide it under me and ride it side-side. I'll think of something. Well, in the meantime, how about taking a picture of me? I'm sorry, but I don't take landscapes. You look like a good subject. Me? Yes. Did you ever have your picture taken? Only once when I was three weeks old. That was when you were a little baby. Didn't your mother take any of you growing up? She didn't have to. Each year, she had the picture enlarged. In my last picture, I'm nine feet tall with a diaper on. Mary, does Jack go through this every week with Dennis? Why do you think he went away for a rest? Now, what about the picture? I'll do it right now. Come here, young man. Now you stand right over here. Yes, now hold it. Silly, you made me hold the camera and I took your picture. Oh, my goodness, I did it again. I've got three million pictures of myself. What's the pictures all over with? Mr. Bentley Shaw was considerate. He was? Yeah, Mr. Bentley came over and said, Rochester, you don't look so good. And when I told him I didn't feel good, he said, well, you better hurry up and dust the house, wash the dishes, cut the lawn, trim the head, sweep the porch, clean the chimney, polish the silver, wash the woodwork, wash the floors and get right to bed. Finish washing the woodwork. Well, Rochester, now that Mr. Benny is out of town, I think you ought to take the opportunity to get out of the house and get some fresh air. Get out of the house? What are you laughing at? This chain is so short I can't even bring the milk in. What's making up jokes? Well, I've called you if I had straight lines. I thought so. Well, what did you call for? I'd like to talk to Mr. Taylor. Oh, just a minute. I'll call him. Oh, Bob, Rochester wants to talk to you. Okay. Hello, Rochester. What is it? Oh, Mr. Taylor, since you're going to be eating here for the next few days, what time would you like to have your dinner? Well, would seven o'clock be all right? Yeah, that'll be okay. And Rochester, I'd like to have steak, potatoes and peas. I'm sorry, Mr. Taylor. I read the contract Mr. Benny gave you and steak ain't on it. Well, then what do I get to eat? Potatoes and peas. Just potatoes and peas? I've got the contract right here. I'll look up the clause. It says peas. Clause 51280. That's the number of the clause? No, that's the number of peas. Well, Rochester, what do I get for dessert? What? Dessert. Yeah, that's something extra that's added to top off your dinner. Well, when did they start that? A couple of weeks ago. Well, anyway, Rochester, as long as it's only for a few days, just give me what's in the contract. Okay. And Mr. Taylor, what time do you think you want to go to bed? I'll sit up and listen to the radio for a while. Good, good. That'll give me plenty of time to lay out your pajamas and ballet slippers. Thank you, Rochester. I'll see you in a little while. Goodbye. Planned so many things I wanted to do on this program but that photographer came in and took up all our time. Well, Bob, I've got a confession to make. I sent for him. You sent for him, but Mary, you almost spoiled the program. Well, who cares? Now I've got pictures of me working with you so I can send him back to the girls at the May Company. Mary, you used to work at the May Company? Well, what a coincidence. Did you used to work there, too? No, but that's where I buy my ballet slippers. Oh, playfield. I'm going to be first here is Basil Riesdale. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. At the first, I'm not a... First again with Tobacco Man, Lucky Strike. As a recent impartial survey reveals, more independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Remember, these are the experts, the man who really know tobacco. And more independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. You've heard the survey results. Now listen to what Mr. George Alfred Webster, veteran tobacco warehouseman, recently said. At market after market, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine, light, mild tobacco. Tobacco that makes a grand smoke. I've smoked Lucky Strike. So light up a lucky. Light up a really fine cigarette and puff by puff, you'll see. LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And in a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts. So for your own real, deep down smoking enjoyment every time, smoke the smoke tobacco expert smoke. Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Lucky Strike, first again with Tobacco Man. Say it, Mary, I was just looking at this magazine Radio Best and Jack was picked as the number one comedian. Well, how do you like that? What are you laughing at, Mary? Jack's off the air one weekend already. He's America's favorite comedian. Good night, doll. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.