 Ladies and gentlemen, the Joseph Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, presents The Halls of Ivy, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous. If you like good beer, you'll find a taste to be curious and learn about Schlitz for yourself. And now, The Halls of Ivy. Welcome again to Ivy. Ivy College, that is, in the town of Ivy, USA. A college president, as some of us may not know, leads a life of quiet desperation. You see, the more money the school needs, the harder he works. The harder he works, the more the school grows. The more it grows, the more it needs. And the more it needs, the harder he works. It doesn't require an IQ of 130 plus to realize that from time to time, something's got to give. Something is about to give this morning for Dr. William Todd Hunter Hall, the president of Ivy. Entering the living room, he confronts Mrs. Hall, the former Victoria Cromwell of the English musical comedy stage, and sells Victoria. It's much too beautiful a day for work. Let's play hooky. Hooky? On a school day? Of course. Can't very well be played on a day of rest. To play hooky at all, one must have something to play it from. I mean to say those are the ground rules. Yeah, but would it be cricket? Oh, no, no. It's nothing like cricket. If anything, it resembles dirty pinnacle. But actually, it's hooky. Well, it's a lovely idea and beautifully expressed. But you can't. You've got a meeting scheduled for two o'clock this afternoon with all your department head. Quincanon, please, let's go. No, I refuse to consider it. I won't spend a moment of this day cooped up in dolls. Not one sun-swept dazzling moment. How can we even suggest such a course of action to a man known in his youth as Gypsy Hall? I was only reminding you. Oh, I'll get out of it. I'll phone Quincanon. I'll tell him I have a code. How do you not going to tell him a something lie? Bad form, eh? Bad form. Wouldn't be ethical? Far from it. All right, then I'll have Penny do it. Penny. She's not here today. Oh, very sick. The English soccer team is playing at Elmhurst, and I told her she could go. Why? Does she know someone on the team? I suspect she goes steady with the goalie. At her age? Well, the goalie's been goalie since 1914. Well, isn't there anyone in the house? Yes, Eddie Gray volunteered to help out. Oh, good. He's a nice boy. I'll have him do it, then. Yes, yes. Cardi, you can't! I'm only joking. I intend to phone Quincanon myself. Just to sow the seed. I'll tell him a sip. One of your best friends. Victoria, as Mark Twain once put it, the truth is much too precious a commodity to throw about indiscriminately. Besides, I'm determined to spend this day out of doors. Oh, you call me, sir? Yes. Thanks for helping us out, Eddie. Oh, that's okay. Do you know where the kitchen is? Yes, sir. Good. See how quickly you can put some cold roast beef into a picnic basket, together with some sliced bread, mustard, the few pickles, a cookie or two, and a thermos of milk. Yes, sir. The pres is frisky today, isn't it? Very. You might also put in a tub of grapes for him to press with his bare feet. Put in what you like, but I am about to call Quincanon. I won't tell a single untruth, but I may let his imagination run riot with his own conception of myself. This is my celebrated imitation of a man two steps away from loba pneumonia. Give me the roll, the wide open highway, just let me roam. That you, Quincanon. This is Dr. Hall. Oh, I'm all right. Thank you. No, no, no. No, there's nothing the matter with me. I just wanted to confirm the time of the meeting. You say it sounds as though I have a cold. Oh, no. No, no, no, it's nothing. No, no, I'll be all right. Yes, of course. I'll take care of myself. Yes. Thank you. Goodbye. How was that? That was a performance. I didn't say that. I only said it was a performance. Now, you don't seem to be entering into the spirit of the thing, Victoria. Don't you think we'll have a good time? I always have a good time with you, but at the same time, I don't think you ought to... Don't, don't, don't, don't finish that. Doing it this way will give it added zest. The work-a-day world will be left to work-a-day people while you and I will be dreaming in the filtered sun-life in Schultz's grove, expanding our souls, resting underneath the bow, and vow beside me, singing in the wilderness. And Schultz's grove, what paradise say now? Boy, is that corny. Oh, here's your lunch. Unsolicited criticism, but you made excellent time, Eddie. Thank you. Are you ready, Victoria? Yes, sure, I'm ready. Uh, Eddie, Mrs. Hall and I are going on a picnic. But if anyone comes or telephones, you're to say you don't know where I am, you're distracted, not to look for me. Until you're back from the picnic. Yes. No, no, no. You're just not to look for me. Understand? Oh, yes, sir. Good. Here we go, Victoria. Oh, good heavens. What is it? Pincana. He's in his yard across the street, playing with the children. Did he see you? No. You'd think, wouldn't you, that a man in his position would have something better to do. He should be working. I'm sure he's finished at least one task this morning. I wonder how long he'll stay out there. I hate to lose a moment of this sunlight. I know. We'll sneak out the back way. Sneak is a rather shabby term, Victoria. Surely we are privileged to leave our own house by the rear entrance if the wind seizes us. I beg your pardon. I accept your apology. Now let's sneak out the back way. Oh, give me the road. The wide open highway. Just let me roam. I'll tell you what you'll do. We'll take the car to the edge of town and walk the rest of the way. In which direction? As the impulse moves us, the whole wide world lies before us. Ha-ha, this is fun, isn't it, Victoria? Fun? Going from the front door to the back door? No, no, no. There's a sense of excitement about leaving the house on the spur of the moment. For a journey that might take us anywhere. There's no telling what we'll find beyond this door. No, somewhere telling. I'll open it and see. Look, close it, close it, quick! What's the matter? Professor, he's... In our back garden? What are you doing? Letting up an easel in the canvas. I did give him permission to paint our old Zekomor, whenever he wished. What the devil does he mean by frittering away his time in this manner? He should be working! Not if he's reasonable when he's not in class, his time is his own. Hmm, Quincanon to the right of me, his lip to the left of me. What are we going to do? Well, let's see if Quincanon has stopped wasting our time with his children. Suppose he hasn't. Well, there was then the rest of the day shuffling back and forth. You, you shouldn't mind. Chap is keen on walking, as you are. You know, Quincanon really goes overboard, where those youngsters are physically concerned. I know it's admirable for a father to spend so much time with his children. But in this case, I'm beginning to suspect there's something a little neurotic about it. Those poor little bodies, they need quiet and rest, not this constant burning of energy. Those poor little bodies, as you call them, could push over a track, and last week they very nearly did. If anything, they weigh too much. Oh, well then, why aren't they indoors dieting? Now, Victoria, just look out at the window. And see if he's gone, will you? I'm afraid he might notice it if I did. He probably thinks I'm ill enough to be in bed by this time. All right. Is he still there? No. He's about... Good. We can leave by the front then. If you do, you'll run right into him. He's coming up the front walk. Coming here? Don't let him in. I don't think it's very odd. Oh, I don't see why he should. He thinks I'm ill. Oh, he's with a cold, not with a bubonic plague. I'll answer it. No, no, no. I don't trust you to keep a straight face. Eddie. Yes, sir? You want? But not until Mrs. Hall and I are upstairs out of sight. I'll whistle when we're ready. Yes, sir. What song will you whistle? No, no, you won't be a song. Just a single tune. And whatever you do, don't permit him to come upstairs. Come on, Victoria. Oh, there's me the road. Why don't my way just let me roam? I fail to see the humor of that at this moment. And Shannon seems to be impatient. You just have to wait. Does he expect everyone to have nothing to do but answer doorbells when there's a sick man in the house? He should be working. Now, don't make a sound now. Hello, Eddie. What are you doing here? Oh, good morning, Professor Quinn Shannon. I'm just helping out the halls today. Oh, have you been in classes? Yes, sir, but the halls have always been pretty nice to me and I've still got some cuts coming. Well, I have no complaints about your grades. How is Dr. Hall? Well, he's seen better days, sir. Yes, I know he didn't sound at all well when he phoned me a few minutes ago. I wonder what brought it on. I think the weather had a great deal to do with it. Well, if you should get a chance to speak to him, will you give him a message for me? Sure. Tell him to take a day off now and then. Cut loose, play a little, do him good. I'd rather you told him that, sir. Well, I may seem before you do that. I'd like to use his study for a few hours this morning. Do you think it's mine, my wife's spring cleaning and it's impossible to concentrate in our house? I hope he has the good sense to tell him no. Tell him no, Eddie, tell him no. Well, I can't disturb him, of course. Good boy. Well, lucky it was Eddie who showed up. A little disturbance might send his temperature way up. Oh, bright boy. Things fast. What? So long and he don't go upstairs. I suppose he'll be all right. The boy's an idiot. How do you ever get in here? Well, thank you, Eddie. Thank you very much. What's our next move, Gypsy? This is ridiculous. Surely we're not fated to spend the rest of the day up here talking in whispers. Well, you might stage a miraculous recovery. No, I've too much respect for Queen Cannon's intelligence even to trust. Why, that devil, does he allow his wife to spring clean when he has worked at old? Doesn't he know his work's the most important factor in his life? He did. I've always thought it's abhorrent to wait here matters such as picnics. You're a Victoria. I think that we... Well, where are you? Well, let's close this door at any rate. There. That's better. You know, this need not be too bad. We've the whole second floor to roam about in. In any direction as the impulse moves it? After all, the important thing when one plays hockey is the change in routine, not the environment. We have a picnic basket, our choice of two bedrooms in a sitting room, and several free hours. Each overgrimming with sun-swept, dazzling moments. Now, which room should we choose? It's harder to decide when there's such an endless variety. What are they doing up here? I don't know. What are we doing up here? Anything's happened. Tell him to go away. I could do that easily enough, but the reason is another matter. It's me, Eddie. Has Professor Queen Cannon gone? No, sir. He's working in your study, but Mrs. Ease left this year. Huh? Todd, I forgot. She's always asking me if she could make sketches of the tip-and-dale pieces in our second role. Oh, no. She's writing a book on furniture. She can't come up here now, not now. It could have possibly refused her again. It would be a open road, maybe. She'll see me. Well, not if we're seeing a bedroom. She's interested only in the sitting room. Now show her up, Eddie. Yes, ma'am. Come on, Todd. It's hard to help. Into the bedroom with your own thoughts, you know. Everybody on the campus must assure you're sick by this time. Everybody on the campus is right, Victoria. I am, at the moment, far from well. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why. Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee think. Now, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman will be back in a moment as the Hall of Ivy. Let's listen now to the story of a man who made a close friend of an old acquaintance. I came in out of the rain. There hadn't been a cab inside. And it was coming down too hard to walk to the depot without getting soaked. So I resigned myself to a long wait and turned around to size up the place where I'd taken shelter. It looked comfortable and inviting. Several couples and a few businessmen were lounging in deep chairs while the bartender and starch white was quietly arranging glasses and several bottles of Schlitz beer on a tray. And as my eyes traveled over the table, I noticed that Schlitz seemed to be the order of the day. Now I could appreciate that since I knew Schlitz had the reputation of being the finest beer there is. And at that moment, I realized that as familiar as the Schlitz name was to me, I'd never actually tasted the beer. So I decided to do just that. I walked to the bar and ordered a bottle of Schlitz. The bartender poured it for me and I drank. Isn't it odd how close you can be to something quite wonderful and still know nothing of its value? That's how it was with me and Schlitz. But thanks to an April shower, I can say with authority. No wonder they call Schlitz the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Returning to the Halls of Ivy, we find a determined Dr. Hall just leaving home with Mrs. Hall en route to the long-delayed picnic. Dr. Hall says, any sign of Fincannon or any of the others about? No, none. I thought they'd never leave. What a beautiful day. That sunshine feels good, doesn't it? We'll have a lovely picnic. Too bad we had to leave all the food at home. Well, I couldn't very well be going to a doctor's office with a picnic basket on my arm. I tell you what, we'll pick up a few sandwiches at that diner. What's the name of it? It's advertised that the dew drop in. But the students who have eaten there inform me it should be the dew drop dead. What a wonderful day. Just feel that sun. Want me to drive? Yes, you take the wheel. It'll be more in character if I simply sit beside you and hold a handkerchief to my face. Removing it only to show a brave little smile? Precisely. Where to? Should just go straight ahead. Ah, what weather. I must confess I enjoy playing hockey. No trouble with your conscience. None, honestly. No conscience trouble at all. I mean this. Really. It's a fact. No, no, no, clearly. Literally none. Actually. Why, why should it trouble me? Yeah, I nearly are. There's no great crime I'm committing. Surely a man is entitled to a day in the sun. It's not as though the meeting won't go just as well without me. Quincanon will be chairman. He's fully acquainted with the general tenor of my thoughts regarding the new curriculum. Matters will proceed just as though I were there in person. Don't you think? Of course. No, no, really. I mean it. Don't you? Of course. Look, turn left here. It's not the way to Schultz's grove. Well, Schultz's grove is pretty far away from such a late starter, and the river is much nearer and a nicer place for a picnic. Even sunnier, in fact. All right. Now tell me, exactly why do you think the meeting won't go just as well without me? Well, I didn't say that. You mean you merely thought it? No, not at all. Well, I disagree with you. I think it won't go just as well without me. Well, I know what's on your mind, of course. You're thinking that although Queen Cannon knows my views regarding the new program, he doesn't feel as strongly about it as I do, and is therefore apt to be left in presenting my thoughts. I know Queen Cannon better than you do, and I trust him. Oh, look, look, turn left here. Turn left, but that won't take us to the river. Yeah, I know, dear, but if we spend a day at the river, I'm certain to be sunburned, and everyone will know I wasn't ill. Besides, Burrow's corner is nearer, and we can sit at tables from the shade. All right. No, no, I can't agree with you. I trust Queen Cannon. Of course you're thinking, but can you trust his lips? Aren't you? Am I? Ah, you see, I can read your mind like a book. Well, the answer is no. The one cannot trust his lips in these matters. You'll try to increase the number of courses in his department, and in spite of Queen Cannon, throw the whole balance between the sciences and the humanities out of kilter. What's a kilter? A kilter? Why, a kilter is a Scotch-Taylor. Thank you. And his lips, so's the tight theme. Ah, but don't forget Professor Warren. His 40 years as a physics professor will certainly equalize his lips effort. Oh, oh, turn left here. Your Burrow's corner's a straight ahead. I know, darling, but but Hudlow's landing is much nicer. My eyes up. Yes, I know exactly what you're thinking. Warren is old and feeble and likely to fall asleep, letting his lips carry the day. Devilishly clever of you to have thought of that. He's just come to me. What a dreary day. Look at that sun. It just keeps on shining. Oh, you'll enjoy it, once we come to Hudlow's landing. Oh, it's not a very nice place really. I don't know what made me suggest it. Look, turn left here. That will take us to Schultz's Grove. Well, that's where we wanted to have our picnic, wasn't it? I can't abide people who can't make up their minds. I mean, I mean, once you decide on Schultz's Grove, Schultz's Grove, it ought to be. Left it is. We can visit Hudlow's landing later in the year when it's more pleasant. What's that? A year? Yeah, I'm not sure. Anything happens to the curriculum that's out to noon. It will be another year before it can be corrected. But who knows what ill-consequence is. A devil with it. I trust Quincanon. I'm glad. I'm sorry. Warren will help, of course. Much nice. But he might. He might fall asleep. That's bad. As matters never proceed as smoothly as one plans them, do they? We were warned about that once by that clerk, Perk, sorry. You know, it gives our marriage license, do you remember? I'm afraid I remember very little about that period. Shortly before proposing to you, I went numb. And I remained numb until my best man trapped me on the back and said congratulations. Yes, I know. I know you did. I remember you were so complete in both of your own thoughts when I met you in front of the license bureau that you'd kick your hat for lighting and walk past without any sign of recognition whatsoever. That's right. I did. I remember now. I tipped my hat and walked right past you. I walked right past you. Hello, Toddy. I beg your pardon, mister. Where are you address... Oh, oh, it's you. Well, of course it's me, darling. Were you expecting some other girl? No, I was merely... It's just that... Well, here we are. Yes, aren't we? Nervous? Very. And excited and eager. And you? You're staying. I've been thinking it's not too late for you to change your mind about marrying me, I mean. Who's my mind? Well, I've been courting you, you know, and I've been very careful to show you under the best side of me if I have a best side. There are so many things about me you don't know, things you'll have to live with for the rest of your life, once my man and wife, habits, mannerisms and so on, they can prove very irritating. Oh, darling, I'm very awful. Well, I'm rather awful in the morning. When I wake... It's jangling like that. Our words... cheerful. Well, I shall learn to put up with it. Well, how about you? You're on the last mile, too. Any misgivings about her imminent loss of freedom? What freedom? Freedom to walk alone, to come home to empty rooms, to have no one with whom to share your deepest emotions, sad or happy. That isn't freedom, Vicki, it's a military confinement and I've had it. No, darling, no misgivings. Misgivings. No misgivings at all. Good. Come on, Vicki, let's go in. Oh, all these roses are there for you. They're lovely. Thank you, Toddy. Yeah, get one for your buttonhole. Let me fix it for you. They're really dashing. What are you staring at? You. The color in your cheeks and that saucy feather in your hat. I'm photographing it. For my selection of Victorian portraits. I've taken out and looked at it on rainy days. If there weren't so many people about, I'd ask you to kiss me. Darling, in return for what, England, is about to give me, this is the least I can do for the British public. Oh, no. Why don't you give her another? Thanks, pal. As a grateful visitor, I can't refuse you. That wasn't it. Wasn't it? I get the oddest sensation when I kiss you. Though we were suspended in eternity. Though we'd stopped. We have stopped. I'm going to park here until you've made up your mind. No, you can't. I have made up my mind. We're to be married. I do. What are you talking about? I didn't think we'd park here until you've made up your mind. What? What park? That's the car. Of course. Where were you this time, Tolly? On a sidewalk in London, my dear, entertaining the pathers by. But look where I am now, in front of the administration building. But why? Well, because it's rather obvious to me, you don't want to go on a picnic. You've made me drive you on a grand tour of the campus. And all the while, you've talked to nothing else but your meeting. Oh, Becky, I'm a weakling, slave to routine. I haven't even the courage to play hooky. On the contrary, you're a man with a strong sense of beauty, which we can go on a picnic some other time. Yes, I suppose so. On our day off like ordinary mortals. You're never mind. It's just you're clocked on. You're right on time for the meeting. Yes, walk in with me, will you? I'm sorry I've messed up our whole day. No, you haven't. Come on. Where is it? The Great Hall? Yes, and that. Oh, good heavens. The doors are closed already. Unless I'm mistaken, there's a notice posted. With a cartoon on it. What in the world? Oh, it's lovely. It's the place that you like more. Really? In bathing trunks with a fishing pole. Nimbus, dear friend, we tried to reach you at home, but could get no information from your house. Oh, good heavens. Let me read that. Our wives have mutinied due to an excessive hot sun and creature clouds during the morning. Please meet us if you can. When we called off the meeting, we're picnicking at Shilty's Grove. A very wonderful time. Wish you were here signs the boy. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why. Slitz is the beer that made Milwaukee faint. And here again are Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. What are you doing, Toddy? Composing, my dear. In a hushed voice. May I cross? My answer to the faculty. Oh, read it to me. To the boys. With blue skies above and the good earth below, the most learned of teachers to picnics will go. The students neglected. The school gone to pot. So you think I'll be left here? Well, boys, I will not. Good night, everyone. Good night. We'll be seeing you next week at the time at the Halls of Ivy starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. The other players were Frank Martin and Gil Spratt and Junior. Tonight's script was written by Walter Brown Newman and Don Quinn. Music was composed and conducted by Henry Russell. The Halls of Ivy was created by Don Quinn and directed by Matt Wolfe. From the Joseph Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin and the Halls of Ivy, our heartiest congratulations to station WIBA in Madison, Wisconsin during this week of their 25th anniversary. I ever back speaking. Oh, we love That's around Between the people at the circus over most NDC stations.