 Lux presents Hollywood. The Lux Radio Theatre brings you Margaret O'Brien, Charles Lawton, and Tom Drake in The Canterville Ghost. Ladies and gentlemen, your guest producer, Mr. Hal Wallace. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe you've heard that story of two ghosts indulging in a bit of phantom conversation. One turned to the other and asked that question that has troubled ghosts since time began. Do you believe in people? We bring you tonight the story of a ghost who cherished very little confidence in people and even less faith in himself, though legend dubs him one of England's most spectacular phantoms. Charles Lawton plays a title role in Metro Goldwyn Mayer's comic fantasy, The Canterville Ghost. Co-starred with Mr. Lawton is an actress still young on the vine. And shortly, to be starred in MGMs, our vines have tender grapes. Seven-year-old Margaret O'Brien, winner of this year's Academy Award. Also in our cast is Tom Drake, who, as Tuffy Williams, finds himself billeted with American expeditionary troops in the ancient castle of The Canterville, where what transpires may sometimes challenge your belief at the same time that it sparks your visibility. While the setting of our play is wartime England, America has headed Sheriff Ghost 2. In fact, there was a time when it was considered a safe precaution to dunk all suspicious characters in water. If they stayed under, they were innocent of harboring antisocial spirits. While we'd hardly tolerate such laundering in our present-day society, unless, of course, we added luxe flakes to the process. Give luxe flakes a ghost of a chance, and you'll never work yourself into a skeleton with old-fashioned methods. We lower our lights for the first act of The Canterville Ghost, starring Margaret O'Brien as Lady Jessica D. Canterville, Charles Lawton as Sir Simon, and Tom Drake as Cuffy Williams. Authorities on the subject of phantoms declare that the most fearsome ghost in all the British Isles is that of a somewhat overweight nobleman named Sir Simon D. Canterville. Haunting Canterville Castle for 300 years, this portly operation has been unique for its keen sense of showmanship and its spectacular variety of tricks, shapes, and sound effects. The ghost originated in 1634, when Sir Simon was scheduled to fight a duel. He took one look at his fearsome towering opponent and ran away from the field of honor in a startling display of speed and cowardice. He was chased to his father's castle by his frustrated opponent, Sir Valentine. Cowardly false rules. Sir, what means this violation of my laws? Lord Canterville, I am Sir Valentine of Bolton Manor. Your sons, Sir Simon, having accepted my challenge fled before my sword. Fled you lies, Sir Valentine. I demand that the fact coward faces me. You are new to these parts, Sir Valentine, or you would know that cowardice in a Canterville is like snow in July. Every Canterville bears on his neck the Canterville birthmark. It is the badge of valor. So call off your hounds and leave these all. Fine words, my lord, but it seems the hounds have found their quarry. That room will. Why is the door closed? And why do my hounds leap upon it? No, son of mine cowards behind a door. No? Then my lord can have no objection to sealing up the door with stone and mortar? I certainly can. I have too great a regard for my house. For your house, my lord, or for your son? Giles, Thomas, fetch the stone, Masons. Tell them to bring them brick and more stones for Valentine and the room is sealed. Are you satisfied? Aye. And you still think my son is in that room? If he's a coward, why is he not called? He is a coward. Father, father! Ah, he finds his tongue at last. I heard nothing. Masons, stop. I heard nothing. Continue, Masons. Seal up the wall. Father, father! It is Simon my son. My lord. There is no one in that room. Put in the last stone, I say. Put it in. Father, father! It is I. But my lord was only meant in jest. Leave my house. Aye, but is thy son thou hast entombed there? And are you, Masons? Get you hence. Simon, decantaville. Oh, well, I know it is thou behind this masonry. But because thou hast dishonored thy proud blood, that room shall be thy tool. When thou art dead, may thy craven spirit walk the halls of Tantaville Castle until a kinsman shall wear thy signet ring and perform for thee the brave deed thou didst fail to do. So did Sir Simon die, and so was born the Caterville ghost. Now it's 1942. Caterville Castle stands silent and deserted, inhabited only by a slightly tired but still fearsome phantom. The only remaining Caterville is Lady Jessica. She and her aunt find living less disturbing in a modest cottage on the castle grounds. Lady Jessica is seven years old. I just saw him. I just saw the ghost. The ghost, dear? Where? On the roof of the castle. Oh, that was the tinsmith, darling. He's mending the water spouts. We're turning the castle over to some American soldiers. American soldiers? Rangers, I believe they're called, like our commandos. What good gracious auntie. Can they live in the castle when it is haunted? Your family did, darling, until 20 years ago. Excuse me, ma'am. Yes, Potter? Everything's ready at the castle. We were wondering about tea, ma'am. Of course. I'll be there shortly. Yes, ma'am. You're going, auntie? Certainly, dear. They'll be our guests. No bless oblige. But, auntie, you're not well. Remember what the doctor said? Well, perhaps I shouldn't. Auntie, what does it mean? No bless oblige? Oh, it's just an expression, darling. But what does it mean? Well, no bless oblige is French. Those of us who are nobly born must prove ourselves worthy by being kind and thoughtful of others. So, when guests arrive, we must see that they enjoy their stay. Auntie, these Americans will they be cowboys and Indians? Some of them, I dare say. What does one do to make Indians welcome? Jessica, you're not going to the castle. Well, someone should greet our soldiers. But aren't you afraid of the ghost? Oh, yes, auntie. And you still want to go? I really should. It's my castle. And no bless oblige. It starts when you're born, doesn't it? Run along then, darling. The Americans should be there now. Thank you, auntie, and don't worry. The ghost almost never come out in the daytime. Excuse me, gentlemen. Lady Jessica has just arrived. She'd like to say good evening to you, soldiers. Well, tell her we'd be honored. Very good, sir. What do you say to a dame that's a lady? Do you have to kiss a hand? Now, watch it. Lady Jessica de Canterville. Good evening, gentlemen. Holy smoke. It's a midget. No. No, it's a half point. How do you do? I want you to all know I'm glad you're here. And I do so hope you'll enjoy your stay in my castle. Well, lady, may I say on behalf of my fellow Americans, that we're very grateful for your hospitality. Yeah, likewise. Thank you, gentlemen. You'll excuse the fellas, I hope. We thought Lady Jessica would... Yeah, yeah, you see, I thought that a girl had to be married before she was a lady. Oh, dear, no. A lady is a lady when she behaves like one, my auntie says. Which one of you are Indians? Oh, that tall fellow trigger. He's an Indian. Oh, to which tribe do you belong? He's a Hoboken Indian. I don't believe I've ever read about that tribe. Tea, sir, gentlemen. Of course. Will you pour, my lady? I'd like to, um, Mr... Oh, Williams, Private Cuffy Williams. I shall be happy to, Private Williams. This way, gents. Would anybody like some more tea? Who did that? Come on, now, who did it? Who did what, Sergeant? Who made that spot on the rug? Who spilt the tea? Speak up. Oh, that's not tea, sir. It ain't? No, sir. It's blood. Blood? Quite so. The blood of Lady Barbara Modish. She stabbed herself in the throat when she saw him. Him? Who was him? Sir Simon, our ghost. Your ghost, did you say? Yes, he's quite the most famous ghost in England, and he lives here in this castle. Now, wait a minute. Well, if you don't want me to tell you about it... Oh, but we do, we do. Now, give the lady a chance, fellows, if she says her ghost is haunted. Well, who are we to quibble? It may sound irregular to you, but I have seen the ghost myself. No fooling. And that's the door to his bed chamber behind that tapestry. Isn't it, Mrs. Potter? It was rolled up in there centuries ago. Holy catfish. Well, that's awful. Yes. Every night now on the stroke of twelve, his spirit walks the halls. Searching for kinsmen with the mark at the cantervilles. Oh, gentlemen, beware. I shouldn't tell you this before bedtime, but the tower due to Duchess of Stuttfield was found one night on her balcony, stark, staring mad. This is the loveliest picture of her gibbering like an idiot. You don't say. That's awful. And Lady Margaret built it, she drowned herself in the fish pond. Because do you know why? Why? Because there he was again with long green fingers, twitching with palsy, and his eyes burning like coal, the bloodsucker of Bexley Moor. Bloodsucker? Didn't I tell you, fellas, who are we to quibble? What is your name, please? Cuffee Williams. Well, Cuffee Williams, I know right well that you've been laughing at me. Oh, no, my lady, no. But just you wait until midnight. Eleven. Hey, Cuffee, it's twelve o'clock. Oh, so what? Hey, Cuffee, do you think there's anything in this ghost business? Oh, for crying out loud. Pipe down, you guys. I said pipe down. That ain't a sergeant. There's somebody dragging ash cans around. No, no, it's chains. Hey, look, there's a light on the stairs. Hey, fellas, look, let's take a shape. It's him. It's Sir Simon. I am the ghost of Sir Simon de Canterville. Did you ever see a man slice off his own head? Observe. It's off. A head without a body? A head without a head? Now it's on. Now it's off. Now it's on again. Yeah, it's on, but to have it on backwards. Have I excused me? Is that better? Ah, scram, dribble poise. Take care. So what, they scared him off, didn't they? Well, let's face it, Sarge, that was a real ghost. Yeah, I don't believe it, but I saw it. Hey, hey, what if he comes back? We've got to scare him again. Scare a ghost? Sure, and this time scare him good, then. Now listen, you guys, I've got an idea. We put on our gas masks, take the sheets and wrap them around us, and then when he comes back... Good morning, men. Good morning, sir. Well, from now on, we're officially attached to the British commandos. We're going to celebrate with a 10-hour endurance hike. It's a matter with the men, Sergeant. Sir, I'm afraid they didn't sleep so good last night. Oh, why not? Well, maybe it was... It was a strange place. Jordan, that would kept you up a strange place? Oh, no, sir. What kept me up was seeing the ghost. Wasn't it? Oh, yes, sir, that's right. You saw a ghost? Oh, you should have seen him, sir. He cut off his own head. We shot at him. Then he put on our sheets and gas masks, and we scared him away for good. I hope. All right, Sergeant. What really kept them up last night? Well, it was the ghosts, sir. Ghosts? Found the platoon. I guarantee the men will sleep tonight. Yes, sir. Fall in. Williams, where'd you get that limp? Oh, it's nothing, sir. I was running up the stairs. Chased by the ghost? Oh, no, sir. I was chasing him. Well, you can chase yourself right back into that castle and spend the next 10 hours sweeping the floors. Yes, sir. Well, well. Hello there, lady. Oh, it's you. Who did you think it was? I own no one. I was just bringing these onions into the pantry. Really? Then why did you take that great circle route? I, oh, Auntie thought the missile might like some onions. I'm a brownie and brownie's raised onions. Oh, come now. You were afraid I was a ghost. Well, what if I was? Well, he's nothing to be afraid of. Didn't he come last night? Sure. And we chased him right up the chimney. Oh, you didn't. Oh, you think I'm kidding, huh? Well, we'll ask the old foxy grandpa himself. Who? The ghost. Oh, that won't be necessary. Let's see. This is the door to the room that's walled up, isn't it? Pretty solid. Hey, grandpa, open. What do you know? It wasn't locked. Auntie's expecting me home. Come over here. That's right. Now look, you just pretend you're not afraid and you won't be. That's all there is to it. Are you sure? I'll prove it to you. Come on. Hey, ghost, where are you hiding? That must be where he was walled up. Those bricks look loose. Maybe I could find a... Well, what do you know? Look. What? Over there on top of the mantle. Sir Simon, he's sitting on the mantle. Must you invade even my tomb? Will there be no place I could call sanctuary? What are you doing up there? Tried to keep out of drafts. I have a slight head cold. Well, drift down here. There's someone I want you to meet. I have already met your colonial ruffians. They pursued me through the hall like ghosts. Humans. Now nobody's gonna hurt your grandpa. I want you to meet Lady Jessica. Sir Simon the ghost. Milady. How do you do? Not at all well, thank you. Bless you. Oh, thank you. I had a girl. Oh, she's been scared stiff of you. And I just wanted to show her that you wouldn't hurt a flea. Sir, my record speaks for itself an unbroken rate of terror for three centuries. Well, record or no record, as long as there are ladieships around, you've got to behave yourself. It is absurd asking me to behave myself quite absurd. I must rattle my chains and groan through keyholes. I must jibber from the orial window on the first and third Wednesdays of every month. It is my solemn duty to haunt these holes. Oh, that's a lot of ectoplasm. But coffee, he's the family ghost. Americans, child, what could a people without ancestors know about ghosts? Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. You never heard of the Headless Horseman or Red Grange the Galloping Ghost or Mrs. Pruneface? Provincial stuff. Spirits with neither crest nor title. Titles? Or what about Count Basie? Duke Ellington, the King of Swad? Nobility and a democracy, Balderdash. What's a Simon? We've had democracy here in England ever since the Magna Cotta. I have never chosen to recognize it. But you should, sir Simon. That's what we're fighting this war about. That's the stuff, my lady. You see, you're not afraid of bid. Oh. Well, now that you two cannibals are acquainted, you must have a lot of family matters to gather about. So, well, I'll get on with my cleaning. You sure you're all right, my lady? Yes, thank you. I'll see you later. Unless you'd rather be alone. Oh, no, no, no. Please, press it down. I've forgotten my badders. I may see so. You could have been a little more polite to coffee just now. After what he and his band of hooligans did to me, I may have very little else, but I still have my pride. Would you frighten them? I must frighten people. I have a reputation to uphold. The most fearsome phantom in all England. Coffee told me that they chased you out to Timmy last night. That's because they wore those ghastly masks and shrouds. Lady Jessica, I can pretend no longer. Since last night, it is I who am frightened. I who tremble at the slightest noise. Oh, you poor, poor ghost. Do you know what it means to be a ghost? To live in emptiness between heaven and earth with nothing for company but bitter memories. But do you have to keep on being a ghost? I am condemned to be a ghost until a kinsman perform a brave deed on my behalf. Oh, if I could only rest, if I could only die. Oh, to be buried in the soft, brown earth in the garden beyond the pine woods to have no yesterday and no tomorrow. Oh, dear, I wish I could do a brave deed for you. How's it going, lady? Oh, fine. Sorry to bust up this reunion, but the Louis will be back in a minute. Goodbye, sir Simon. And I'm very happy to have met you. Bill, lady. Coffee, I think you ought to tell your friends not to chase him out to Timmy anymore. Well, that depends on him. But he's so old and tired. Oh. Hey, hey, take it easy. I stumbled on my shoelace. It's untied. Well, stand still. I'll tie it for you. Coffee. What's that on your neck? That mark? Oh, that's just a birthmark. Hey. Hey, where are you going? This something I have to tell Sir Simon is very important. I've got to tell him. Simon. Are you back so soon, my lady? Coffee has the cannibal birthmark on his neck. What, that American ruffian? Exactly like my father had. He must be at Canterville. Isn't that wonderful? Again, and what if he be at Canterville? Shall I prance around joyously like a saucy antelope? But Sir Simon, if Coffee is at Canterville and if he does a brave deed for you, he can't save you, Conti. Can it be that they have concealed from thee why I am still here? Just fancy it is merely because I cannot find the kinsman. Well, I've overheard Mr. Potter say that all the Cantervilles always turn out to be cowards. But that isn't true, is it? Cowards, gross flattery, and they twice the courage to only give them half the name. Sir Simon. Thy grandfather, would he mount a horse? Thy father, so fearful of water that he trembled in his bath? Or thyself, swooning at the mere sight of my shadow? Really now? It's your family too, Sir Simon. Only too well do I know it. But Coffee can save you. I know it. It isn't true that all Cantervilles have to be cowards. I was a coward, wasn't I? I was frightened to death of you, and now look at me. I'm not afraid of you in the least. Don't you see, Sir Simon? Day-day it is in the Canterville blood and bones. It isn't in my blood and bones, and it isn't in Cuffees. Oh, Sir Simon, I'll arrange for you to meet him again tonight in the garden beyond the pine woods. And if it turns out that he is a Canterville, my goodness, then you'll be able to go to sleep at last. Very well, my child. At seven, I gibber in the portrait gallery, following which I practice horrible hallucinations. If these go well, I'll meet me in the garden shortly before eight. At two of the Canterville ghosts, starring Charles Lawton, Margaret O'Brien and Tom Drake, will continue in a moment. Now, let's listen in on a conversation in one of Hollywood's popular restaurants. No dessert for me, just coffee. Oh, dear, this new diet. Oh, Betty, what are you staring at? That girl at the table in the corner. She has on a ray-on print dress, just like yours. Where? Oh, she must have bought it last year, too. What do you mean? Yours looks brand new. Oh, heavens, no. I got it at the beginning of last summer. You'd never know it. Hers looks much older than that, sort of faded and washed out. Meow. She probably did wash it out the wrong way. Better not wash yours, then, if that's what happens. Really, I've done it lots of times already. No. But they look so different. You must have a knack. No knack, just Lux Flakes. I always use them, and I never had a dress look like that in my life. She's not so loud. She's coming this way. Well, do her good to listen. Yes, it would help that girl to know about Lux Flakes. Actual washing tests prove that gentle Lux care keeps colors lovely up to three times as long. So don't risk wash-day methods that are hard on fabrics. Strong soap, hot water, rough handling can make colors look drab far too soon. Let Lux keep your washables lovely longer. We pause now for station identification. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. Act two of The Canterville Ghost, starring Charles Lawton as Sir Simon, Margaret O'Brien as Lady Jessica, and Tom Drake as Cuffy Williams. Nightfall envelops the massive turrets of Canterville Castle. In a garden beyond the pine woods, Lady Jessica and Cuffy Williams patiently await the ghost of Sir Simon. Suddenly Jessica sees a faint, phosphorescent glow. Her face brightens in response. Here we ask Sir Simon. See, I brought him. Hi, Sir Simon. Well, what's cooking? Cooking? Yes, I mean, what's all the mystery? Go on, Sir Simon, asking. Well, tell me, Prithee, dust thou by any miracle, remember, ought of thine ancestors? Ancestors? Well, my old man would never look his up. Said he was afraid one might turn up that ended in the hot seat. Hot seat? Nowadays England and America have everything in common, except, of course, the language. Think back, Cuffy, and try to remember. Well, I had an Aunt Martha. She was a little wacky on the subject. Traced my mother's family tree back to some guy that landed in Massachusetts, way, way back. Name was, uh, Marmalade. No, no, uh, Mount Marency. No, a Marmaduke. That same Marmaduke who fled to Salem after Cromwell scattered the chivalry of England to the four winds? Oh, Sir Simon. You knew him? The son of my brother Anthony. Now, take it easy. How do you know it's a same Marmaduke? By the birthmark of the canterfills observed beneath the ruffle of my collar. Holy cats. A birthmark same as mine. Now show me thine, please. Holy cats indeed. What did I tell you? Well, I'll be... Well, that makes me your, uh... Nephew. Great, great, great, great Nephew. Aye, thou art a kinsman. A kinsman who can free me from these earthly bonds. By performing a brave deed in his name. You mean that's all I have to do? Thou art a canterfill the bluest blood in all broad England. Wilt wear my signetering and carry it into battle on my behalf. You must save him, cuppy. He's so old and sleepy. Okay, it's a deal. The first time they turn me loose on those gnatses. I shall be everlastingly grateful, Nephew. Aye, too. Thumbs up, Uncle. It's in the bag. Good night, Sir Simon. Good night. Godspeed. Oh, Father. Grant that he be not like the others. Hey, Father, get a load of this. Get a load of wine. A bulletin from the Lieutenant. Well, will you listen to this? Because of inefficiency of platoon billeted at Canterville Castle, cause of which has not yet been satisfactorily explained, all leaves to London are hereby cancelled. I could tell him the cause. Nobody around here can get me sleep. How can we sleep with a ghost in the joint? If it gets me, the Louis still thinks we stayed up all night shooting crap. Have he only seen the ghost? Oh, listen, you guys, why don't you lay off that poor old ghost? He's perfectly harmless. Harmless? He just ruined our weekend. Well, he's just doing his job. A ghost has to groan through keyholes and rattle chains. Why the sudden sympathy? Well, I've got a sort of personal interest in him. Gentlemen, I have every reason to believe that I am the long-lost Duke of Canterville, the bluest blood in all England. Duke of Canterville yet, huh? Seems to be I've seen you in the induction center, buddy. If I were you, I'd be careful what I said and did, see? Like what? Well, like loafing on my lawn and talking before you talk to. So this is your private lawn, huh, dookie? Yeah. Only you can lie on it? Yeah. Excuse me, your grace. Then why? Hey! Sit on him, Eddie, and leave us remove his royal britches. It's an old English costume. It's the pants and the duke. Hey, cut it off! I got him. Here's his pants. Okay, dookie, you can get up now. Hey, fellas, look, carriage is coming. He said he'd Jessica and a dame. Hey, give me my pants. Give behind us, Cuffy. Gather round him, gents, there's dames coming. All right. Good afternoon, everybody. This is my aunt, Mrs. Paul Varding. How do you do? Cuffy, won't you come and meet my aunt? I'd better meet her from back here. How do you do? Why are you hiding behind the others? Oh, it's just sort of a military procedure, Lady Jessica. Oh, Cuffy, I mean all of you. Auntie said I might invite you to the party in the village this afternoon. It's only a Saturday at home dance, but there'll be refreshments. James, too? I mean, scoots? I mean, goils? Oh, yes, and you'll all come. Yeah, we'll be there. Four o'clock at the service center. Don't forget. Oh, there's the mail. Auntie, look at Cuffy. Well, what sort of a uniform is that? Why, Cuffy's wearing kilts. Very nice of you to dance with me, Cuffy. Oh, not at all, my lady. But I'm afraid I'll never learn this kind of dancing. Why, you're cutting a rug to ribbons. Cutting a rug? Well, what I mean is, you give with a jive. How's it feel to be a slick chick? Oh, fine, but does it always make you so dizzy? Okay, okay. What would you say to a class of punch? Hey, Cuffy! Cuffy, come here! What do you want? Oh, hiya, Sarge. I want you should settle an argument. Well, let's see what this is all about, Jessica. What kind of an argument? Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Carthon. Good afternoon, my lady. I was telling Mr. Carthon the Lieutenant thinks it's applesauce about the ghost. Oh? As a native of Canterville, gentlemen, I believe you saw the ghost right enough. But the day will never dawn when he'll run from a human being. Okay, Dukie, you tell him. Dukie? Yeah, Cuffy here. He's the duke at Canterville. Ain't you, Cuff? Well, in a manner of speaking, I'm... Oh, what's a joke? My dear boy, if you wanted to impersonate a British nobleman, you'd never choose a Canter... Oh, well, lady Jessica, my profound apologies. And just what's wrong with being a Canterville? Well, since you're so well acquainted with the ghost, sir, I suggest that you ask him. Yes. Yes, I think I will. Oh, Cuffy, will you dance with me again? Oh, sure, sure, lady. Hey, sir Simon, cut it out. Cut it out, will you? Hmm. Who's that? It's me, Cuffy. I've been looking for you since midnight. Where have you been? In the North Tarot gibbering. I'm sorry you overheard. I'm in poor voice tonight. Look, if you're supposed to hang around here until a Canterville does a brave deed for you, how come you're still here after 300 years? Oh, I've been waiting for you to ask me. In all that time, someone must have tried to help you. Excuse me, I really must get back to work. Now wait a minute. Quit stalling. What's wrong with the Cantervilles? If you're trying to hold out on me, I'll... Hey, Nickensman, I was merely trying to spare thee. Well, spare me what? Go on, spill it. May a habit is better if thine ancestors speak for themselves. Come with me into the portrait gallery. This is the portrait gallery, nephew. Hey, would you look at those pictures? Gaze upon them, our noble family. Sir Gerald de Canterville, proud skipper of the frigate Cranston. When she sank, he was the first to leave the ship. Sir Andrew de Canterville. He saw Grenadier lose a finger at Blenheim battle and swooned away. And the blessed twins, Lieutenant Paul, rode the wrong way in the charge of the light brigade. Lieutenant Peter was ten lengths ahead of him. You mean they were all cowards? All I, of all the heroic families that for centuries have brightened the glory of England, ours had to be a brood of lily-livered titmice. So that's why you held out on me. You thought if I found out, I'd be the same way. Oh, nay-nay, not at all. It never entered my mind. Well, then, what are you making all the fuss about? I don't care what the others did. This is Cuffy William C. Aye, there really. All right, then. That's all I wanted to find out. Now, I've got to get back to my bonk before the sergeant misses me. But your kinsman would that I could believe that he was different. This is it. Start loading the trucks. Battle equipment. Walker, look after dynamite, punch your boxes, a fuse in the wires. We're going over. Okay, sergeant. William, just take off that ring. It'll shine in the dark. Okay. And don't stick it in your pocket if it's worth anything. Well, it's sort of a family heirloom. You better leave it in the castle. Make it snappy. This is it, huh, sergeant? I had not to tell you this, but you'll know soon enough. We're crossing the channel. We're making a raid on the coast of France. All right, let's go. Start bringing up the... Hey. Looks like it, Lady Jessica. Then maybe you'll have a chance to do a brave deed for Uncle Simon. Listen, Lady, I know there's a yellow streak down the family pack a mile wide, so Simon told me. But you're not going to let it worry you. How do you think it makes me feel? Cuffy, you told me yourself. You don't have to be afraid if you think you're not. Yeah, yeah, I know. Cuffy, I believe in you. And if you have any children of your own, I know they'll believe in you. Children? I haven't any children. I haven't even got a wife. Well, maybe someday, maybe someday you'll want to marry somebody. Well, that's the last thing on my mind, and I'll let you off. I've got to get going. Oh, Cuffy, Cuffy! After the wars, our kinsman hies himself to battle. Oh, Sir Simon, I'm so worried about Cuffy. No, no, no, my lady. Tears never steel the noble heart to valor. Upon the craven foe, heroes furious might, you're worried. How do you think I feel? Our stars will continue with the Canterville ghost in just a moment. Who are you phoning, Sally? I'm getting a weather report. Have some blankets to wash soon. But what's the weather got to do with it? That isn't really how it will be over the country tomorrow. But in lots of cities, you can get an up-to-the-hour weather report over the phone. Will you please tell me what all this has to do with washing blankets? Why, obviously, you need a good day for it. Not too hot, not too cold, not too windy. Do women wash blankets in the middle of June? That's the best time before storing them away for the summer. Moths are particular. They don't like clean wool as well as soiled wool. So just whisk your blankets through rich lukewarm luck suds. Hold on, Sally. I can't see a woman whisking a wet, heavy blanket through anything. Oh, it's easy with lucks. Just make sure you have lots and lots of suds. The suds do the work. Wouldn't a machine help? Sure, if you're lucky enough to have one. But don't run the machine too long. That's as bad as rubbing. Too much agitation mats and shrinks the wool. Leaves it harsh and scratchy. Three to five minutes is about right for a machine. And use gentle lucks flakes so your blankets will stay soft and fluffy. Be sure to hang the blankets in the shade over two or three parallel lines. That way the air can circulate through it and the weight of the water won't pull it out of shape. Thanks for the tip, Sally. You certainly deserve a B.A. for all that advice. Bachelor of Arts? No, Blanket Authority. Now, back to Hal Wallace and our stars. Act three of the Cantorville Ghost, starring Margaret O'Brien as Lady Jessica, Charles Lawton as Sir Simon, and Tom Drake as Cuffy Williams. In the Black of Night, a handful of American Rangers have landed somewhere on the coast of France and are creeping stealthily inland. Back in England, the Cantorville Ghost rages in the Portrait Gallery, bolstering his anemic hopes by hurling defiance at his ancestors. Sculking, cringing, misbegotten, pee-fowls, insults painted upon canvas, ye wretched paltoons. Not for long now shall I have you leering at me with cynical mockery. Not for long, ye dribble-pusses. A kinsman worthy of the name now wears my signature ring in battle. Meanwhile, in the cottage on the castle grounds, a sleepless Lady Jessica bolsters her hopes in the way most mortals do. Letting get hurt, and Uncle Simon, he's such a poor, funny old ghost. And he's so tired. Won't you please let Cuffee do a brave deed so he can go to sleep, and please take care of Cuffee? Lily-livered rabbits, ye shake-kneed milk sops. Well-mayest thou cower in thy gilded frames, shamed by a colonial by Cuffee Williams, as for the fat Algernon who posed for two years as a dowager to escape fighting a duel. I spit in thine eye. The surpassable who fought through the Thirty Years' War without firing a shot. The also. Yonderbunk in Yonderum has risen a lion-hearted kinsman. Yonderbunk. What gleams there in the moonlight. The ring. The signature ring. Imbecile. Don't ye have forgotten I was speedy to him for it's too late. For it's too late. You're on enemy territory. Remember, we're here for one purpose only. Stop the oil refineries. The refineries got to go at 2350. Now check your watches. It's now 2307. Jordan. Baker. Williams. Get off the road and set up the machine gun and the ditch. If you see any jerry's, it's up to you to hold them off till the rest of us get back. Jack. Jack. Jordan, you'll find telephone wires down the road. Now cut them and get back to Cuffee and Trigger. Get going. Okay, sergeant. See you later, kids. Rest of us will go up this side road. Now after the explosion, there's a hill right in the back of us. Get up there and keep watch. What about you? I'll set up the machine gun. You see anything? Get back here on the double. Okay. Who's that? Who's there? All the Ralph Fire. Just play your bullets, Kinsman. It is only I. Oh, what the devil are you doing here? You forgot the ring. You left it in the castle. Here, nephew. Now get away from me. Put it in thy pocket. Only have it on thy person when the test comes. All right. Give it here. Oh, thank you. Thank you, nephew. Thinkest thou the enemy will come this way? That isn't what's worrying you. Oh, plague, take it, man, but half an eye one can see that thou hast the courage of St. George. Horse fetters, get out of here, will ya? I merely thought I could bolster you up in case you were a bit squeamish. I wanna be squeamish. Hey, Cuffee. Yeah. You all right? Sure. What time is it? 2350. Look, sir, Simon. I thought I told you to describe. Sounds. What mighty blast is that? The refinery. They've blown it up. Nephew. Nephew, look down yonder road. Motorcycles. Jerries. Keep a cool head. Keep a cool head. Trigger. Trigger. Motorcycles are patrol. Get out of here and hold the ammunition box. Keep a cool head. Keep a cool head. Oh, get out of here. Beat it. Look, Trigger. Jerries. Lots of them. What are you waiting for? Nothing. Trigger, what's the matter? What's the matter, Trigger? Looks like you've got to take over Cuffee. Trigger. Cuffee. Get him, Cuffee. Get him. The machine gun. Jordan be back someday. Yeah. Yeah, Jordan. Jordan. Fire, Nephew. Fire. Fire. Nephew. Nephew. Blood. Trigger's blood. Nephew. They're drawing closer. Fire. Blood. Cuffee, what's the matter with you? He's dead, Jordan. Trigger. Trigger's dead. Give me that machine gun. Give it to me, you fool. Please, men. Well, men, the colonel's compliments. After last night's raid, he wants me to tell you you were the best so-and-so platoon in the whole outfit. Yeah. But I'm not satisfied. So we're going to take a little jaunt into these woods and iron out the mistakes we made right now. Right now. Williams. Yes, sir. Here, a minute. Yes, sir. Right. Williams, I've discussed your case with the colonel. We both considered what happened last night. He feels we have no alternative but to transfer you back to your old outfit. Line up there. Yes, sir. Remember, Williams, a man who may be psychologically unfit for combat and may perform useful roles in service. Now, pack up your things. I'll arrange for your transfer when we get back from maneuvers. All right. Thank you, sir. Good luck, Williams. Sir, the tuner's form. All right, Sergeant. Left face. Right shoulder. Arms. All right. Cuffee, I've been expecting you all morning. What happened? Oh, you'd better run along home, lady. I've got to go in and pack. You're going away? Yeah. Oh, Cuffee. That's right. Look at me. I'm a cannibal, all right? Just as cowardly as the rest of them. No, Cuffee. No. Don't say that. You're not a coward. You're brave. I know it. I know it. All right, lady. Have it your own way. Cuffee. I'm sorry it turned out like this. Goodbye, lady. Cuffee. Wretched me that I should have pinned my faith again upon a cannibal. Oh, pipe down, sir Simon, will you? And get down off that chandelier. It makes me nervous. Nervous. I, that I can well believe. Oh, shut up. Get out. I've got to pack. Pack then and leave me to my fate. Thou who has grazed my hopes only to dash them like a robin on a rock of granite. Cuffee, Cuffee. Oh, my lady, you can't come in here. I know it's your castle, but, well, this is barracks. There's a parachute. I saw it coming down. Parachute? Parachute. Maybe a Nazi came down in it. Oh, Cuffee, what do we do? Where did you see it? It came down this side of the stone bridge. Where is the stone bridge? Do you know the old side road? No. Then I'll take you there. I know a shortcut. All right, come on. We'll grab a jeep. Hurry. The parachute. Yeah, caught in a tree. I don't see anybody, but you better stay here. I'm going to take a look around. Duck down in the jeep now. Duck down. Cuffee, look over there. Huh? All through our woods. Those men. Who are they? Don't worry about them. They're rangers. Maneuvers. That's what I'd be if I hadn't... Cuffee, what is it? The bushes. A parachute mine. A bomb. A blockbuster. Oh, let's get out of here, lady. If that thing goes off, it'll kill every living thing within a half a mile. We got to get... Oh, the rangers. They're scattered all through the woods. They'll be killed. Get back to the castle. Run quick. Aren't you coming? No, I've got to drag it away with a jeep. Thump it over the cliff. Get going now. Run quick. Hide in the sewer. Run. Lady Jessica. Oh, Uncle Simon. Where's Cuffee? Has he encountered the enemy? Oh, no, Uncle Simon. Cuffee's moving a blockbuster. He's doing the bravest deed there ever was. He gad. Darest, I believe again where? This way. Down through here. There. Oh. Oh, save thy breath, child. Look to his quaking knees, his eyes that tremble with the ague, his hand that shrinks from contact with the unlethal instrument. No, Uncle, no. Cuffee, Cuffee. Cuffee, you know, you can do it. You were doing a brave deed. I... I can't touch it. There's a timer on it. The least little jar would set a ticking eye. Cuffee, you were doing a brave deed. Don't you see? You can do it. You don't have to be afraid because you're a cannibal. Look, Cuffee, I'm not afraid of the bomb. Look, Cuffee, I'm kicking it. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anything. That sounds it's ticking. You've started it ticking. Okay, lady. Thanks for the lesson. I'm all right now. You run for it. Go on, get out of here. This thing goes off in 60 seconds. Oh, Cuffee. Hurry, I'm dragging this thing out of here. Go on, get out of my way. My lady, run for it. Careful, Neville. Careful, careful. Hop on, Uncle. Keep your eye on that toe chain. Let me know if it slips. Well, we're out of the underbrush. Hold on now. Oops. Again. Nephew, look out the rangers. Hey, you rangers, run for your life. I've got a blockbuster on here. A time bomb. Run, blockbuster. Oops. Ouch. Where are we going, Nephew? To the clip. We'll dump it over the ravine if we get that far. How many more seconds? I don't know. Maybe 20. Five, six, seven, eight. What? 10, 11. There's the ravine. We'd better jump. Let the Jeep take it over. There she goes. Oh, we just made it. 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35. Hey, what's all this hoey about ticking? Oh, it's a dud. We never were in any danger. All that work. Goodness, you're all right. It must have been an air raid. No, it was coffee. Coffee? Near the Stone Bridge, a bomb from a parachute. Coffee blew it up. Coffee saved everyone. And if coffee blew it up, then coffee's blown up, too. Good night. It happened. I just dumped a cockey thing right into the ravine. Likes and George slaying the cockey dragon. Ivan. What child? Coffee is a cannibal. And if he's done a brave deed for you, are you still here? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why aren't you in the garden beyond the pine woods? Yay. Verily. Why not? Well, if you're going, you better hurry. Here come the rangers. Father? Father? Why am I still in mortal coils? Uncle Simon, he's glowing. Thank you, nephew. Thank you, niece. Farewell. Farewell. Did you see that, Lieutenant? Yeah. That's what we've been trying to t- Hey, Lieutenant! Hey, guys! The lorry is faded! It's Graeme. A garden beyond the pine woods. Looks like a mighty, restful place. Isn't it nice that he can have a little plot to call his own and a headstone of his own, too? Well, that was the ranger's idea. We had it inscribed, see? Sir Simon de Canterville, 1603, 1943. Gee, that certainly is a long time to go without sleep. Yes, but you nearly always have to wait for something that you want very much, Copy. Huh? How old are you? How old? Why? I shall be eight May. Ms. Lawton, Margaret O'Brien and Tom Drake return for their curtain calls in just a moment. Meanwhile, here are Patty and Kay planning their vacation. Oh, I don't think you'd like that place, Patty, even if it is so nearby. I was there last summer and it was awfully noisy. But it sounds good. Beach, tennis, dancing every night. Well, that's just the trouble. It's right near a Coast Guard station and the boys come over to the dances. Sometimes everybody ends up singing. Well, it's impossible to get any sleep. Hi, Kay, you sound like an old fuss budget. I thought you liked dancing. Well, there were more girls than fellows. Oh, a little thing like that shouldn't stop a cute girl like you. Unless what? Skip it. I forgot what I was going to say. Have you seen the new movie at property? Patty didn't forget what she had in mind, but how could she tell Kay what she was really thinking? Kay's cute enough to get any man she wants. If only she were as sweet and fresh as she looks. But you just can't tell even your best friend that she's careless about daintiness. If I could only give her a hint about luxing under things after every wearing, luxing her dresses and blouses often. If I could tell her how fresh and sweet it leaves and then she wouldn't risk offending, she'd have all the fun she deserves. Gentle lux care does protect daintiness, and it's kind to fabrics, too. Keeps lovely underthings new looking three times as long. Don't use hot water, strong soap, or handle nice things roughly. That kind of treatment makes them look faded and drab far too soon. Lux care is thrifty care. Here's Hal Wallace in our stars. Back to our footlights come Margaret O'Brien and Tom Drake, along with the ex-fantom of our cast, Charles Lawton. Now very much in the flesh. I must you put it quite that way, Hal. Very much in the flesh. I don't like it. Well, actually, Charles, you look as if you'd lost a little weight. No, no. It's around here somewhere. Well, Mr. Lawton, you carried plenty of weight as a ghost, isn't it, Margaret? Mr. Lawton's my favorite ghost. Have you ever met a real ghost, Margaret? No, but I'd like to. I really believe you would, Margaret. You know, there's no reason why ghosts shouldn't be highly useful citizens. Well, rather expendable in war times, wouldn't you say, Mr. Lawton? No, no. There might be lots of useful things a ghost could do in war time. They could contribute clanking chains and creaking armor to the scrap drive. Maybe they could sell war bonds. That's right, Margaret. Haunting the conscience of individuals so chicken-hearted as not to buy their fullest share. Do you buy war bonds, Margaret? Oh, yes. That's where all my money goes. Well, you couldn't find a better way to spend it. And if you go to see Tom Drake and Metro-Goldwyn Mayors, this man's navy, you'll get an idea of where your money's going in building the greatest navy in the world about to meet its greatest test in history. Well, I don't think any of us need too much persuading to buy war bonds, Mr. Wallace. Tell us, Hal, what are you having in this theater next week? Next Monday night, we bring you one of the most talked-of dramas of the year, The Woman in the Window, starring Edward G. Robinson, Joan Bennett, and Dan Durier. If you have never felt sympathy for a murderer, you will in this gripping story of a man who is trapped to kill in self-defense and teams with a woman to conceal their crime from the police. Well, Hal, for sheer suspense, I don't think I know any more exciting play. We'll be listening, Mr. Wallace. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night, Margaret. All our thanks. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night when the Lux Radio Theater presents Edward G. Robinson, Joan Bennett, and Dan Durier in The Woman in the Window. This is Hal Wallace saying good night from Hollywood. The Canterville Ghost was presented through the courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, producers of the Technicolor Musical, Anchors Away. The next Hal Wallace production for Paramount is You Came Along, starring Robert Cummings, Elizabeth Scott, and Don DeFore. Charles Lawton will soon be seen in the Benedict Bogus picture, Captain Kidd. Heard in tonight's cast were Eric Snowden, Boyd Davis, Claire Verdera, Ed Emerson, Gerald Moore, Gloria Gordon, Eddie Maher, Clifton Young, Robert Cole, Charles Seal, and Norman Field. Our music was directed by Louis Silvers. This program is broadcast to our fighting forces overseas through cooperation with the Armed Forces Radio Service. And this is your announcer, John Milton Kennedy, reminding you to tune in again next Monday night to hear The Woman in the Window with Edward G. Robinson, Joan Bennett, and Dan Durier. Stop. Hold that measuring cup, lady. Be sure your precious heart to get sugar is invested, not wasted. Do all your baking the sure way, the spry way, or dependably light, velvety-rich cakes, tender, flaky pastry, for all your cooking, be sure of success. Get pure, all vegetables shortening at its creamy best. That's spry, S-P-R-Y. Be sure to listen in next Monday night to the Lux Radio Theatre presentation of The Woman in the Window with Edward G.