 and that is something amazing that I'm really really proud of is that I am two years sober. Hey what's it you guys welcome back to my channel if you're new here hi hello I'm Lydia and today I thought I'd talk a bit about sobriety and what I mean when I say sober. Is there anyone who's new? Hi I'm Lydia I'm 23 years old I'm currently in patient for my mental two years ago I was addicted to cocaine two years ago I used drugs for the last time and that's something that I'm super proud of and honestly I if I hadn't stopped I'm not sure I'd be sat here today because it would probably would have killed me the lifestyle I was living would have killed so I did I got sober because I was troubled by countless people if I didn't stop I was gonna be dead and despite everything the idea of death does scare me the permanence of it scares me which is why it was my motivation for getting sober another big thing for me when I got when I got sober is like I got out the environment I was in I was not living with the right people I was living with someone who dealt the substance who worked for people who dealt a substance who wanted to get me selling the substance it just wasn't a healthy environment it wasn't a good environment for me sobriety hasn't been the hardest of journeys but it hasn't been easy it hasn't been the hardest because I just don't hang around with people sorry I'm not exposed to it as much however it's a quick story to have one in my first year at London uni I worked in a group and while I was filming while I was filming they got high and I was I was so triggered but I didn't give in I didn't use anything I didn't use that night and that was a big moment for me because at that point I was still I was still heavily involved in you I still had my own supplier at the time but I started to want to get sober so not giving in and using that night was a big win for me so what does sobriety mean for me one I no longer run drugs two I'm clear minded I'm aware of my actions I'm a nicer person to be around and five I'm not breaking the law but personally it means I can go a day without thinking oh I need to stop here so I can use this I need to do this I need to do this so I can use I need to do this so I can use it's not pinpointing my day around this one action freedom to be able to say hey I'm sober and here's my here's my tracker the app I use is called I am sober and it's a great app not only for like drug addiction alcohol but for cell harm for suicide for all sorts of things the hard part about being sober is not engaging in things that will lead to that use so for me that's clubbing clubbing is something that started from my use drinking alcohol again another big trigger it seems I drink I don't stop drinking and in a way you could say I was addicted to alcohol as well which which I was I used to drink every day I'm not talking about just a glass of wine I'm talking bottles or pump bottles of alcohol I haven't drank for a long time as well I don't drink alcohol anymore say I'm sober it means so much to me and to say that I'm now two years sober two years of sobriety that's a big deal and I'm gonna hear myself a little pat on the back because it's been a journey I haven't shared I haven't really documented that do I still get urges to use yeah of course I do I'm humor will I ever give in some urges I hope not I hope I don't ever give in some urges again yeah blanket statement of the video two years sober that's all I really wanted to do today if you're new subscribe I make videos fairly regularly I'm getting back into it as you can see I'm still impatient so videos aren't regular but I try and upload at least once a week you guys updated and in the loop what's going on yeah thank you for watching and I'll see you guys in my next video