 I've been married for 10 years. We have a very good relationship, but recently I caught my husband hiding and videoing my sister in the shower. When I caught him, he said that he was very ashamed. He cried a lot. He said to me that he'll never watch porn again because he thinks that it is porn that made him do it. He said that he wanted to see what it looks like in real life as he sees the situation a lot in porn and that's why he got interested. He apologized a lot, but the problem is I'm absolutely heartbroken. I don't want to end my marriage over this, but I also don't know what to do to go ahead with it. Please can you help me? You know, I can understand how awful this must make you feel. It'd be bad enough if it was just any woman, but the fact that it's your sister is just like a million times worse. For today, however, I'm just going to focus on your very last question, which is that you'd like to be able to save your marriage. How should you go about it? So we have to look at this in two ways. One is what are you going to do to help yourself to come to grips with this situation? And the other equally important is what is your husband going to do to fix this problem? Remember, you can't deal with both things. You need to let him take responsibility for what he's done. You need to make him accountable because if you decide that you're going to fix everything from your side, he's never going to find the motivation to change at all. It's not enough to say, porn made me do it. I won't watch porn again. What is he actually going to do to ensure that this does not happen again? Will he join counseling? Will he see a therapist? Is he going to sign up for porn detox? And like I said, you need to let him come to you with what he's going to do because if you give him all the answers, he truly isn't going to take responsibility for what he did. So that's his side of it. The second thing is what are you going to do to help yourself? People tend to say, oh, time is a great healer. You'll forget about this in time. It'll fade. You won't forget about it. It will stay in your head forever and it will crop up at the worst possible moments and your relationship will just never be able to find a balance again. You can look at counselors, therapists. Did you know there are even courses now that are run to help people to cope with things like this? Unfortunately, there are no instant solutions for something like this. Whatever you do will take time. There are no quick fixes. But in my experience, I found that really good communication can solve almost any problem. The only condition is that you both should want it equally.