 Parents give me some of the most influential people in one's life. However, it's a whole new ball game if one or both of your parents happen to be narcissistic. Because then it's all about the narcissist. Instead of teaching you, it's more like forcing their beliefs on you. And when you don't agree, they may belittle you, causing you to believe pretty awfully untrue things about yourself. Let's try about seven beliefs that you may have if you were raised by narcissistic parents. Number one. I'm not good enough. In 2018, a study on narcissistic parenting was conducted with 198 participants. Of those 198, 106 believed one or both of their parents to be narcissistic. Also, these 106 participants had significantly higher scores relating to depression and lower scores related to self-esteem. Then the other 92 participants. What does this mean for you? Narcissism in parents can lead to children displaying signs of depression or depression paired with low self-esteem. So it is possible that such diagnoses can be the result of narcissistic parenting. Number two. If I don't have your approval, I'm wrong. With a narcissist, whatever they do and however they do it is the correct and best way to do that thing. If Ariel were a narcissist parent, she'd insist everyone who brushes their hair with anything but a dingle hopper is wrong. When a parent is narcissistic and they see you doing, saying, or even believing something different than they do, kind of like with boundaries, the narcissist will do or say anything to get you to abandon your way of doing things. The narcissist likes to make you into almost an extension of them. No separation. So when you're just using alternative ways of doing or living, to them, you're telling them they're wrong. A narcissist can't handle this made-up feeling of rejection. So they place that wrongness on you. Number three. I am everyone's caretaker. When a parent is narcissistic, they're world. We're just lucky to live in it. That need to be the center of attention reverses the typical parent-child role. This results in the child becoming a caretaker, intending to the parent and their emotions like a parent should. Other in PhD, Marjales Fieldstad, states in her book, Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist, how to end the drama and get on with life. That you may recognize this person in your friend group as the mom or dad of the group. They're driven by the belief that they need to care for everyone around and make everything okay. This can be the result of a narcissistic parent ignoring you, intending to themselves or forcing you to parent them. Number four. I need to be more than I am. A narcissistic parent puts value on you for what you do rather than who you are. They may praise you and how you get all A's in class to other parents. But when you look closely, they're not saying how proud they are of your intelligence. They're saying they're proud of you for performing well and making them look good. This belief that you're only good when doing or accomplishing is ingrained in the child early on. So as you grow older, this belief that you're valued only for your accomplishments turns into perfectionism. This can lead to an unhealthy attachment style in future romantic relationships. But the truth is you're not loved for what you do. You're loved for who you are. Number five. My priorities make me selfish. Everyone else is more important than yourself. Period. This is what a narcissistic parent makes a child believe in. They don't allow for boundaries to be established. Boundaries are important. And they're healthy. However, if they do not benefit the narcissistic parent, they will do whatever they can to either get you to drop that boundary or they might ignore it altogether. Phil Stad makes a point in her book that narcissistic parents view their children as an extension of themselves. A boundary or personal priority reinforces the parent to see that you're two different people. To get you to drop the boundary, the narcissistic parent may label you as selfish, rude, or even ask you how you could do that to them. They might even throw in the ever-popular but I raised you. If you're taking care of personal needs, those come first. You can't pour from an empty cup. Number six. My emotions make me dramatic. Have you ever stood up to a narcissistic parent? I know someone who did. We'll call them Casey. When Casey let their parents know how hurt and abused they felt, their parents didn't quite agree. Casey was told they were dramatic and that they weren't perfect either. Their parents refused to acknowledge that they ever treated Casey poorly. They even accused Casey of making things up for attention. Casey knew this wasn't the truth and knew they had to go no contact. Sure, they may ground you every now and then, but there's a difference between parenting and emotional abuse. This is, again, your parents' feelings of rejection coming up and them not being able to cope with it. If you speak up and aren't being listened to, more likely dismissed. This could be a sign of a narcissistic parent. And number seven. I don't have anything to contribute. You and your parents are talking about the new restaurant you all want to go to and you begin raving about how good your meal was. What would a narcissistic parent do? If they don't agree, they may tell you that your palate is awful or you don't know food. They're quick to negate and oppose anything you might be saying by making you question your own self. Whether you're talking about contributing to a cause, a conversation, a group project, or a romantic relationship, the narcissist needs to always be the best. The number one. The head honcho. It can be about any topic, but if the narcissist feels undermined or intimidated by you, they'll make you feel like you have nothing of value to add to any situation you're in, which isn't true at all. Remember, when a negative thought pops up, ask yourself, whose words are these? Are they mine or my parents? Having narcissistic parents can really take a toll on you, especially in adulthood. The earlier you notice the signs, the quicker you can begin your healing journey. Take it from someone who is literally living this healing journey right now. It is possible to get to a better place. It may mean something different for everyone, but it is possible. Thank you for watching. As always, keep an eye on Cy for more Psych2Go content. Need more information on narcissism? Check out five signs of narcissistic abuse.