 Hello everyone welcome again to another Narc Survival Live video. So in this one we are going to be talking about how the narcissist feels about no contact. Some of you may be thinking about going no contact or this may be something that you've already done and you just want to know how they feel about it because a lot of times they don't really reveal how they feel they portray themselves as being very tough and strong as though nothing gets to them but then other times they can seem very sensitive as well so it can be difficult to know exactly how they feel inside when you do go no contact especially with a lot of the lying and gaslighting they can be very confusing and at times it can seem like they don't even want you as though you're this problem this inconvenience to them but then other times it's like they can't leave you alone. So let's get into this topic how the narcissist feels about no contact. The first thing you need to understand is that the narcissist views you as an extension of them they view you as a part of them a component as though you are their possession this object this thing that belongs to them you're in their world you're within their realm is how they see it and this is especially true if you are an empath or if you are their grade a primary source of supply this is especially true in those cases and what they tend to do as you may have noticed especially when they devalue in you they disown all of these negative traits and characteristics and also these toxic and dysfunctional behaviors about themselves they disown all of that and then they assign it to you they deflect it they project their insecurities and deficiencies on to you because they view you as an extension of them so you become this doormat this emotional punching bag this emotional tampon and you're meant to suck it up absorb all of their pain and distress all of their hardships you're meant to absorb all of that and deal with it yourself because they view you as an extension of them you're like this emotional dumpster for their traumas these emotions that they cannot regulate or deal with so they use you to do that and knowing all of this knowing that this is what you are to the narcissist and the reason why you are this is because whatever real self they once had they abandoned it they believe that it was not good enough they created a false character to manipulate the world so that they could get attention validation admiration so that they could be in a position of authority power and control and gain narcissistic supply the problem is that because this false self is not real it does require excessive admiration and validation I mean everyone likes validation there's nothing wrong with that although it is better to validate yourself because if someone can validate you they can invalidate you as well and then you may feel insecure unless you are self-validating well then you may also struggle to be alone so with narcissists they require excessive admiration and validation to prop up this false self and that's why they can never be alone even for one day they would probably go insane they have to be around people at all times or they have to feel like people are thinking about them at the very least so this is your job your role your position with them is to be this constant source of supply to prop up their false self so that they can feel normal comfortable and sane stable and secure emotionally and in the beginning they get that by lying to you future faking love bombing making you believe in this dream where they are very intelligent powerful attractive competent people until of course you've spent enough time with them and you realize that that is not true and then that's when they have to get you to doubt yourself they have to devalue you and even by doing that they are still getting supply by insulting you and putting you down making you feel less than who you actually are when they do that it makes them feel powerful it validates their false self and their false reality when they can maintain their authority and control over you so by knowing all of this what does this tell us of course if this is what is happening while you are with them the opposite must be happening when you go no contact so all of this the source of comfort stability and security that you are providing to their false character where they can switch back and forth from the manipulation the lies the future faking and then going into devaluing you putting you down controlling you once all of this goes away when you go no contact their false self is then left invalidated and they struggle to keep their heads above the water it's like they're drowning emotionally and in that moment it's like a desperate man will clutch at a straw desperate people do desperate things so of course once they've lost that control over you their source of supply that validates the false self and the illusion of them being all powerful and in control intelligent attractive wealthy whatever it is that they are portraying themselves to be once they lose that they begin to experience the exact opposite of how they felt before once they've lost you as their source so they suddenly feel powerless very insecure unattractive deficient not good enough and intelligent because this is all managed through controlling you as long as you are under their authority and control then they can feel all of those things they can't feel that way on their own if you're off living your own life you're not worrying about them you're unaffected by them you're separate from them then they're left without any supply there's nothing to maintain the illusions of their false self so it's like life or death to them they feel as though their false self ceases to exist and then they reflect on the undeveloped true self which as we know is what they abandoned a long time ago and this true self cannot maintain the illusion of being in control it's essentially a two-year-old child in an adult body so at times they may throw a temper tantrum they may get very angry and that is the narcissistic rage what other times it can be passive aggressive and they'll do things covertly but either way it's still the same and they will seek to sabotage and destroy you from behind the scenes to prevent you from moving on and succeeding without them because if you were to do that then it reflects back to them that their false self is not real because for it to be real they need to have a narcissistic extension and constant narcissistic supply which once you're on to them they can only get that from devaluing you from insulting you and putting you down and having this narrative that something is wrong with you because it's all black and white thinking as long as something is wrong with you or in your life that tells them that they are okay but if things are going well for you especially with them not involved and they're without you that tells them that they are the problem and remember this is shame based the disorder the root of it is shame and envy so it's not that they feel so much guilt for their actions and what they did to you which made you not want them in the first place but it's more that they reflect on their shame and they feel like they are inherently bad people so everything they do when you go no contact it's all just to avoid reflecting on their shame even when they abuse you and when they falsely accuse you and this narrative everything that they're trying to do it's all to avoid reflecting on their shame because for them it's very painful to deal with I mean even for us we may have done things wrong ourselves in our lives and as empaths it's very natural for us to reflect on our shame where at times we may feel like we're not good enough we're just bad people but unlike them we do have the ability to separate our actions from who we are we don't let our actions define us because we understand that we can change and be better so yes we may at times feel shame but then we also feel guilt as well we recognize that our actions were wrong and I don't know about you I mean I haven't done too much research on this particular point but for me personally as someone who can be slightly narcissistic at times although I do consider myself to be an empath I find that I don't typically experience shame unless I am provoked I can separate my actions and behaviors from my character and instead I feel guilt which then compels me to correct it I don't know if anyone else here can relate to that but that has been my experience shame is something I feel usually if I'm provoked and I'm told that I'm bad or it's like a personal attack which is usually from someone who is highly narcissistic but back onto the topic with narcissists for them it is usually just the shame it's a shame based disorder and I do believe that it is the shame that often causes them to become envious and it's what makes them continue to abuse us because everything they're doing is just to suppress the shame it's just to keep that down but for them it's like trying to hold a ball under water no matter what they do it just keeps coming back up and they're trying to push it down by doing all of these things to you and trying to control you and that's why it's like no matter what they do to you it's never enough so knowing all of this how do they feel when you go no contact how they feel it's like life or death to them because the entire time you are validating their false self you made them feel alive like they are real people they may not be concerned too much if you invalidate the character in the beginning when they were love bombing you it's strange but if you leave then and you go no contact that's not too much of a concern to them what they're really worried about is this character that's intimidating you and keeping you down if you go no contact then then it's a serious threat to them then it really feels like life or death to them and they become very insecure they feel like they're dying in that moment like it's all over for them because you're keeping them together emotionally you're making them feel like they are this all powerful being which of course is not real because it's dependent on you how you think of them and how you react to them so if you take you out of the picture then it all falls down like a house of cards then they know that their false self is not real so you are the glue that holds it together that makes it feel real for them and of course that is why when you do go no contact it tears them apart it causes a narcissistic injury followed up by narcissistic rage and just everything you're doing after that they have to monitor you they have to check in they have to know what you're doing and they may even try to find out through family members or friends they may even speak to your children just to see what is going on in your life because they have to know they have to know how things are going for you they need to know that you still feel like you're losing your mind you're going crazy you never managed to move on past what they did to you you never managed to achieve anything the following going no contact because then that tells them that they were dominant and superior over you remember it's all about this arrogance this false character of them being greater than you of them being superior because the entire time that they were with you they were comparing themselves to you so even when you go no contact it's about monitoring you to make sure that you're still down and if you're not down they will find a way to sabotage your success or have you moving on past them because otherwise that tells them that maybe they did something wrong and they remember it's black and white they're either perfect or they're completely flawed there is nothing in the middle for someone with this disorder or someone with high narcissistic traits so it's all about managing their view of their false character and regulating their emotions through you as this extension of them and do they know yes in fact a lot of them they do know and understand the way in which this disorder works they may not think about it too much but they understand what they have to do to meet their needs through controlling you and maintaining this authority over you so they do understand that and it can be quite scary and confusing when you do realize this but this is the reality of it it's that you are and you were nothing more than an extension of them and not just you but other people in their life as well you were just this thing this object that they used to prop up their false self that's all it was that's all you were and even if one day you decide you don't want to do it anymore you want to move on you want to be your own separate person you want to live your your your own life free from their grasp it becomes a real problem for them because remember they need you to be this extension so that they can feel as though their false self is real and exists and then they can feel powerful so that's the whole point that's why they have to keep you around and when you try to move on you try to leave them behind they just feel as though this extension is slipping away this reflection this view of how they want to see themselves and it feels like life or death to them they really don't like how that feels and that's why it's all about keeping you down I mean they may try to come back with a love bombing that's only if they think that you're still going to fall for it otherwise they will fear that you're going to reject and abandon them and that you may even threaten to expose them for the frauds that they are so they're going to want to get you first before you get them even though you may not even be thinking about getting them you may just want to move on and live your own life but remember they are very paranoid so they will be thinking that once you do move on you're going to be plotting your revenge but even then they just look at it like what are they supposed to do without this extension of themselves remember it's a false self inside of them is a void they can't regulate their own emotions so once they lose you it's like life or death to them the illusion starts to fall apart and then they feel this urge to get you to pull you in because you've got to be there as this person that they can keep down because they're known only to you this whole time their entire identity revolved around them maintaining authority and control over you and that's all there really is to them that's why they're always so stressed out it's when they lack control over you because that's all their identity really is that's what their false self is especially when the manipulation and love bombing is no longer effective it's all about control and they're so controlling because they're very insecure this character is unstable that's why they need you that's why when you're in control of yourself and your own life it triggers them and then they are out of control trying to destroy you because if you're in control of yourself and your own life you are no longer an extension of the narcissist you're only an extension if they are in control and that's why it's like this constant tug of war with them you're trying to move one way they're pulling you back you think they're trying to pull you in they're just trying to hold on to their false self that's how they see it but of course they need you to do that because it's not an independent character it's not even real that's why it requires excessive external admiration and validation so how they feel when you go no contact it really just tears them apart at least if you're going to go no contact they just need to know that you're down and out as long as they know that they can move on they can forget about you and then they can focus on other supplies but if they know that you're coming back up then they've got to come back in to destroy you just to maintain their false self they don't really care about you it's all about the false self they're only thinking about themselves as how they can maintain this character and it looks like it's so important to them their image how they portray themselves to other people but that's just one layer of it it's just a means to affect how they see and feel about themselves which is why when you were with them there was always this lack of connection you just felt like you never even knew them i mean if you look back and you try to describe them as a person even after all of this time you spent with them what would you even say about them how would you describe them i mean if you try to describe them all you would be doing is describing the disorder and that description could apply to millions of people in the world who are highly narcissistic and all act exactly the same which goes back to the fact that there's just nothing there if there's something there an identity a real person a sense of self that goes independently of anyone and anything it doesn't matter if certain people are not with them if they're completely alone it doesn't matter if the entire world turns against them if they have a strong identity a sense of self i mean it might affect them a little bit no one is completely immune of course but overall they're going to remain somewhat the same to who they were but it's not like that with narcissists just hiding a few users in the live chat seen quite a few insulting comments those are not welcome here of course i do tolerate alternate views and disagreements but no insults no personal attacks thank you but yes back to the topic these narcissists can never be alone they've always got to have you there they need to have access to you at all times as this extension of them because that's the only way they can feel like they're real they can feel alive they can feel like they exist take you out of the picture the false self and the illusion falls apart they become very out of control very stressed out and then they're just very aggressive and intimidating to other people maybe even their own enablers and flying monkeys just anything to control people to put people down so they can feel better about themselves when you go into contact a lot of times that's how they will be they will go off and if they can't get access to you again they'll either be plotting behind the scenes or they will be taking it out on someone else or maybe they can get by by love bombing someone else sometimes just anything it has to be a distraction the last thing they ever want to do is to look at themselves to see themselves as who they actually are this vulnerable person who has a lot of issues that they never even dealt with they do not want to see that they want to distract themselves with you through controlling you because that's the only way that they can feel better about themselves to the love bombing or devaluation sometimes discard as well but it's never about connection or actually getting to know the person because that doesn't do anything for them unless it's things they can use to exploit you to exploit your weaknesses and vulnerabilities because of course that gives them supply I've just been enjoying this Japanese tea speaking of which I will be going to a different country very soon I will be leaving Vietnam but yes let's just go outside for a moment see this park I drove all this way just to experience nature but then I got here it started raining now it's a little bit dry as you know I do like flowers gardens it's really tough I mean you probably felt like this your whole life since you were a child it's like all you ever wanted to do was have fun you just wanted your freedom and yet whether it was a narcissistic parent or a relationship partner whoever it is you always wanted freedom but all they ever wanted was to control you and initially they controlled you with lies manipulation love bombing future faking and then when you start stopped believing in them you didn't buy into it anymore then that is when they started devaluing you either way it was still control it was control in the beginning as well it was just a different means and yet for you it's like all you ever wanted was just your own freedom and independence you wanted to become your own person and that's normal that's typically how it's meant to be for us you know with the narcissistic parents especially when we're children at a certain age we are meant to separate from our parents and find our own separate authentic selves other than that goes further into our teenage years that's when we're meant to try out different things and see what resonates with us so that we can then create our own character based on what we like what means something to us if you were with a narcissistic parent it's almost like you didn't get to have that or you may have experienced some form of splitting where when you're around them you're just this quiet shy introverted person and then you'd go out with your friends and then you're the complete opposite then you're able to have fun and you may find this in narcissistic relationships as well it's like you just can't be that around them because they're always so egotistical it's always just about controlling you keeping you down to maintain their false character you just can't be you you can't be the person that you want to be and I know for a lot of you that may be all that you want you just desire that separation so that you could go and figure out things for yourself and learn what life is all about but narcissists do not like that forget separation to them it's all about control because they look at it like what good is that for me you're going this way you're finding yourself you're having fun you're doing the things that you like to do they look at it like what good is that for them when they don't even know who they are when their self is defined by how they can manipulate and affect you there's no authentic connection there's never anything where they're actually genuinely giving something to you out of the goodness of their own hearts it's always just love bombing and manipulation I saw that it ever is this looks like fun like I'll jump on you here for a minute you know when I talk about these things it's really best just to keep it moving get some mobility in especially moving the legs I don't know if any of you get that but it's like when you're talking to the narcissist you're arguing with them it's like you get this stiffness it's like the blood just kind of pulls in your legs and you feel like you can't walk I don't know if that's just like the root chakra whatever it is it doesn't feel good I may need to do more research on that but those of you who have experienced it let me know down below I'd like to hear from you anything where you're moving the body it's very good just moving around because what it does is it gets the blood flowing through the body and then you start to feel more loose with narcissists you're very agitated very tense you just don't feel like yourself because you're very rigid you're very like tight and closed in when being your true authentic free self it's more but moving around freedom self-expression you just can't do that around the narcissist it's this triple twister that sounds fun this is narc survivors mobility program basketball I used to play a lot of sports when I was younger but as I got older I guess I just got buoyed to my work and traveling around but I still want to get back into the gym exercise is very good when you're going through this it just helps to get your mind off of the narcissist and just when you're sweating it just makes you feel good you'll feel a lot happier even if you go and just exercise for 30 minutes exercise is very important but then also your diet and sleep as well but is this like a punching bag I think that's what we all want to do to the narcissist we may feel like it but of course that's not the right thing to do but yeah this is just how it is with these knocks it is just a constant fight they're fighting for their control over you and of course you're losing yourself in the process it's like by the end of it you don't even know who you are anymore and trust me I've been there I know what that's like I lost all my passions my interests everything that I thought that I was by the end of it I just thought I'm this crazy unstable person they're fighting for control over us to restrict our freedom so that we stay an extension of them to prop up their self and what we're fighting for and yes it does seem like an attack on them but all we're fighting for is our freedom our authenticity and self-expression we just want to be ourselves that's all we really want but of course they don't just want to let us be ourselves because remember they view us as extensions of them and it's this black and white thinking they have to maintain control over us so that they can feel like their false self is real and that's just the way that they chose to go in life they had a choice they could have remained authentic when they experienced whatever traumatic event or incident it was but instead they believed that they were not good enough and then they went in the path of this false character who is intimidating and aggressive they're all powerful and then they completely lost themselves by doing that they were just too afraid to be vulnerable and now they've got a serious problem because of that choice because of the path that they chose to take but now they have this void within themselves and it requires excessive attention admiration and validation it requires narcissistic supply to prop up the false self and it's just never enough no matter what they always feel worthless and insignificant and yet it's like they're addicted they still can't leave you alone they're still coming after you and trying to control you even when you're trying to go no contact i said they can't even see what they're doing is destroying them but of course they do it because the shame is too painful for them to deal with if they just stopped where they were doing and they decided okay right now i'm not going to be a narcissist anymore if they decided that then they wouldn't know where to start because you've got to think all of their flying monkeys and enablers as well of course they're going to notice the sudden change when this person suddenly has to be accountable for who they actually are and all of the things all of the skeletons in their closet so they get to a point in life where they've done so much stuff it's like there is no way for them to go back all they can do is move forward with their false self and with that then they have to maintain such a level of control over you they're probably doing things they thought they would never do but they would never thought they'd have to do just in a desperate attempt to maintain their false self when you look at it if they could just go back to how it was before it would have been a lot easier for them a lot less time and effort if they had just chosen themselves over all of this control maintaining control over you just so they can feel like they're in control of themselves but this is just what they have to do you know it feels a lot better when i get on you i just start moving around move my legs really helps with the blood flow because i know that's one of my main issues the blood just seems to get stuck in certain parts of my body just from the stress but you know i'm not always like this i'm not always so uptight and always just worried about narcissists of course sometimes i do have a laugh i have a good time i'm not always this way you know there is another side to me that you don't see too often there are times when i do smile when i am happy there's just not always so much of a reason to show that on here because i'm always just talking about narcissists of course you know these are serious topics and i have to be considerate of other people but sometimes in the occasional video you see that i just like to have a laugh i like to have a good time like anyone else i don't know what this building is but it was the first one that really caught my eye when i came here on the first day it's a beautiful building very sleek design yeah this is just how it has to be and i wish i could change it for you i wish i could make it better i wish i could just come and take all of your problems and fears away i wish i could just put a stop to it with these narcissists and how they view you as this extension of them and everything to maintain their false identity they have to control you and use you to regulate their emotions so that they appear confident comfortable and sane of course i wish i could change that and you know that would be the solution to all of our problems that would even help the narcissists as well of course in the beginning it would be very painful for them but over time once they moved past that they could then establish a true identity of their own a real self and then of course they could experience true love and happiness but unfortunately for most of them that is never going to happen it's never going to be like that instead all they're going to do is keep living a lie they're just going to go off with this false self use it to attack you and keep you down and they're also going to use it to manipulate other people as well if they can sometimes they can't and then they just depend so heavily on you i mean that's when you know they haven't moved on and they can't find another suitable target is when they continue to target the very person who already knows exactly what they're about i mean that's when you know that they are desperate because narcissists they don't typically want to be around anyone who knows exactly what they're like of course they would rather a new fresh unsuspecting source of supply that they can manipulate but if they can't even find that yes they get very desperate and then they just do anything that they possibly can to try to control us and keep us in their realm so this is all that they're going to do and it's not going to change it is always going to be this way and it will just be this constant tug of war it's like this constant fight with them they think you're fighting with them you're just trying to fight for yourself your own identity your authenticity who you actually are you just want to be yourself you just want to be free but when you're free they do not feel free because that is a threat to their false self which they maintain through controlling you and keeping you down like i said you're just an extension of them yeah i think that's enough for this message i hope you enjoyed that little detour there in the park i think we had a bit of fun something different like i said it's not all about narcissists with me of course i do have a life outside of narcissists as well sometimes i do just like to let my hair down and have fun just relax smile laugh joke around and that's what we should all do even if you have to hide it from the narcissist so that they don't see you just need to have some time to yourself where you can just let go where you can let loose and be yourself like they say laughter is the best medicine and any coach or therapist will tell you you laughter is very healing what really keeps us stuck and prevents us from moving on is when we take everything so seriously and i'll admit i've been a victim of that myself i've taken a lot of things seriously my life even times when it wasn't even warranted and it's because of all of the abuse i've been through a lot of things but sometimes of course i get these moments where i just stop resisting it i just can't help but laugh and it feels so much better when i do that so of course that is what i advise for a lot of you is just try to find some time to laugh and just joke around with yourself maybe a friend or just someone you can trust of course i don't advise doing that around the narcissist they are very uptight of course they're gonna have a problem with that if you look happy you're smiling they're going to want to take that down because then that translates that something's wrong with them they're not powerful they don't have control but yeah that's really what i advise for you to do even if you are stuck with them you can't get out just try to find some time where you can be yourself where you can laugh where you can have fun when you get that moment where you have that feeling you can be yourself you really need to take advantage of it you need to exploit it because the sad thing is when you are around narcissist you're not going to get to any moments like that so just make the most of it while you can so that's what i have to say for you how the narcissist feels when you go no contact of course it makes them miserable it drives them insane it makes them want to destroy you because they view you as an extension of them they really don't like it when you go no contact they want to try and pull you back in so that they can feel in control they can feel powerful i have this false sense of confidence but none of that is even real it's all just based on the effect that they're having on you so it's not independent of you anyway i hope this helps quite a long live video today it's been a lot of fun i've really enjoyed speaking with you and playing outside in the park so thank you all and if this video has been helpful to you you can give it a thumbs up down below which will help to support me and our community and let me know what you think about this video in the comments let me know your thoughts let me know if you agree with it or not and you can share the video to support our community as well hit the subscribe button and click the bell icon to receive all of the notifications and if you'd like to speak to me one on one that service is available to you and you can book it on my website anytime it's narcsurvivor.co.uk also check out my instagram i've got new pictures and videos as well every day that i upload to there narcsurvivor youtube and instagram you can follow me thank you all for joining me on another narcsurvivor live video i do appreciate you all and as always i will speak to you in another one very soon have a great day