 So, while she's wrapping up her counseling session, I'll just read the chapter titles, and then that can be a good starting point. Her titles are Chapter 1, Meeting a Mystic, Chapter 2, Heart of Service, Chapter 3, Yes, I Will Marry You, Exclamation Point. Chapter 4, Volcanoes and Honeymoons. Chapter 5, Diving Deeper. Chapter 6, My Life is Not My Own. Chapter 7, Sleep vs. God. Chapter 8, Carried from Darkness to Light. Chapter 9, Choose Wisely. Chapter 10, One Lesson, One Mind. Chapter 11, Divine Providence. Chapter 12, I Want to Go Home. Chapter 13, Power of Decision. Chapter 14, Death, Doubts, and a Big Green Monster. Chapter 15, The Grand Finale in Cali. It's Cali, Columbia. Time in South America. Chapter 16, Don't Let Go. Chapter 17, Imprisonment vs. Freedom. Chapter 18, Two Worlds Collide. Chapter 19, Releasing Specialness. Chapter 20, Fear of Loss and the Source of Love. Chapter 21, New Beginnings. Chapter 22, Teach Only Love. Chapter 23, Intimacy is with God. Chapter 24, I Am Calling You Out of the World. Chapter 25, The Script is Written. Chapter 26, Steadfast Devotion. And finally, Chapter 27, I Am Home. So this really, I think it's going to be an excellent teaching device because there was a book that inspired me in the early years from two Course in Miracles pioneers that were traveling around the United States and Canada. They were called The Varlings. And their book was The Peace of God is My One Goal. And I found this, their little book, which was really an experiential little book, how they were following the Holy Spirit and making all their plans and trusting. And they were joined by two friends who were singer-songwriters Oman and Shanti and going out on the rug with them. And I first found that book when I was at Ken and Gloria Wapnick's Center in Lake Tanana up in the Catskill Mountains. And I was so inspired by the book, I just read it straight through. Then I recorded it on a little cassette recorder back in the days. And I had a cassette player in my car, so I played it continuously. And I was just lit up and inspired. And that was very much hands-on on listen and follow and the demonstration of how joyful it is when you do make that connection and follow. And then this book is very much a story of parables from Kirsten's life and my life. I think from around the end of 2004 to around 2007, all journals, she had kept excellent journals and she had actually posted a lot of her journalism on our Yahoo Awakening in Christ group back then. So people were waiting for the next installment and I was like, oh my God, what is she going through? And she was like posting all of her doubts and fears and jealousies and struggles and everything just like an open book of open journaling. And she also kept really good detailed journals. So her and her mother and some others really combined to comb through those and make this. But to me, this is about practical spirituality. It's about what's your living experience. It's not about theologies and just high ideas and mantras. It's about actually the lessons that you learn and then as you learn them, it transfers to all of us. That's why we have mentors. That's why we have way showers. That's why we look up to people. A lot of people grew up in an era where they watched a lot of Oprah Winfrey and she was very much of a role model, a living role model. And Whoopi Goldberg grew up watching The Beatles. So she's in the movie about how she followed and was inspired by them and trusted. So here comes Lexi and Kirsten. I've just read the titles of all 27 chapters. Just to stir up maybe some curiosity even. 27 chapters, including the last one, I Am Home and just given a little context of the whole thing. This is our, I think, this is Rita's book. She wants to sign, but we're using it for props for now. So really, we're here to join with you and we're here for you, but basically this is the time. We're also into complete transparency. So if you've ever had questions about the spiritual journey, what is awakening, what does it even mean? Rita was bringing that up. What does that awakening mean? The context of forgiveness and then specifically with interpersonal relationships. There's so much mirroring that goes on and it's really like a fast track. And I always say that relationships and silence and stillness are the fastest ways to God, to know God. So preferably a combination of stillness and relationship. Whereas sometimes they would run off to the monasteries and condense and kind of try to pray their way and meditate the way to God. But I think the course with its relationship pathway and your draw into the stillness is the absolute most accelerated way of clearing away this darkness. But that's the good thing about having us here. We were drawn here to be here and we're so transparent. So I think it's a golden opportunity really even to speak from your heart if there's still things coming up about relationships, still of your noticing thoughts, emotions, things. It could be parent-child relationships as Charlotte was sharing or it could be any worker employee. It could be partnerships of different kinds and varieties. But yeah, it's a prime opportunity to ask us anything. That's much. I want to ask both of you. I was talking with Rita about what she's going to do and she's ready to give her a whole life over to service. And I have the same thoughts, but I have resistance because I have a 14-year-old son and he's in high school and I don't feel comfortable not paying child support and things supportive. And I remember, David, in your parable you said when you first started studying the Course you thought you were going to go up on the mountain but you had to pay your student loans off and all that other good stuff. So is that where I'm at? I'm trying to figure that out. Yeah, that's a good question about how practical Holy Spirit is. You should never kind of yanked out of what you believed but you're kind of unwound. That's why I use that title in my book Unwind Your Mind Back to God. But even with Jesus and the Apostles in the Orantia Book they said that there was one Apostle that was assigned to the other Apostles' families. So here Jesus calls 12 Apostles and some of them have family duties and obligations. So they had an entire Apostle of the Twelve that says in the Orantia Book that would stay in communication, that would offer funds, support, and so on and so forth. And that really is a symbol. You can't find that in the Bible but if you find these symbols people may wonder, well, were there any married Apostles and did they have children and how did they deal with the children and so on and so forth? You can see from that it all has to be taken care of. No matter how you wind your mind into the belief in time and space the Holy Spirit has to unwind it and it's done with great integrity and great love and presence and gentleness and it's not this sense of necessarily abdicating on ego responsibilities but it's more giving those ego responsibilities could be debts, could be all kinds of responsibilities over to the Holy Spirit and now you show me you lead the way so it's done with integrity and it's done in a way that is helpful and also Kirsten has shared in the book that that was part of how she came into God was two head injuries really pretty severe head injuries to the point of feeling like oh, I'm coming close to killing myself twice through the sporting mountain bike and a skiing accident so you can see that that was kind of a wake-up call like oh, I'm coming close to killing myself and then down on my knees kind of awakening experience where it's like a mystical experience and then at that point having to go through an unwinding process around different things really beliefs and thoughts in the mind but that's really what the book's about is about how patient the Holy Spirit is and these unwinding things when the mind thinks now I've got it now I see how this goes and the Spirit is like not quite and then there's another turn and oh, I got it now I got it, no another turn it's like unwinding a screw from a board of oak wood you can't yank it out you have to do it one turn at a time and I think if it's really the desire of your heart to go for spiritual awakening we've had so many experiences of people that we've met that have had pretty rapid reflections of coming in to show the way once the prayer of your heart is that you were even saying during the break you were talking to Lexi and then Rita and they were like looking at going through the sunwinding and all of a sudden they realized oh, we're going to the same retreats both of them and then all of a sudden you both live out here and so it was like that's a fast answer to a prayer which is very practical you come together and you go whoa, this is practical in our mystical mind training program people often pray and often are assigned mind training partners and that's probably the thing they remember most about the mystical mind training program it's a great curriculum but they have someone that they're working with one-on-one which keeps they can share their miracles they can share their fears and doubts with so it's kind of like a buddy system and in some ways that's how we were used to because we were so devoted to the purpose and the unwinding was so intense at times almost like give up intense want to throw the towel in intense that the spirit was so strong and pretty much kind of forecast that there would be a love without end and it would be transcendent and it would be invulnerable but you have to be very thorough in letting go of the sense of personal control and all the things we've learned from the past about survival and everything so yeah I feel that's a big part of it Rich is that you've got that calling and you've talked about it like with Rita but it's at a point now where that has to kind of ignite and that was like our phone call last night we had with Sean it's really all about igniting that every chapter that you were reading while she was coming up there is auspiciously what is on my mind right now every single one of them yeah, yeah 27 checks like this whole gathering was very auspicious to me that we're talking about the very subject that I've been thinking about for months it's beautiful yeah it's a huge part of it realizing that you're you're not alone in it and that's so much of it like if you really believe that you're responsible you know as the parent for your son and the child support then you're beholden to the world and so it's about giving over that belief that you are beholden to the world in some way and being with that like really being with that belief in your mind and that's what I did all the way through the book I wouldn't let one little thing like that go by okay well show me what does that mean how am I beholden what is beholden what do I believe I'm responsible for show me it in every way possible and I would almost get a vision of you know how a diamond has many faces it's almost like each belief is like a diamond that's embedded and you have to like get there and like almost uncover every side of it like an archeologist would to have the whole thing loosened so that the whole thing can really be seen and then given over to the spirit like in prayer and show me the movies that bring me the sections in the course just keep showing me everywhere in the reflections of my mind just what this is and then asking for the help to then be relieved of the personal responsibility and that's the other big part of it because just accepting the help that comes in like when you mention that about the body systems like we've seen that just with support is that old saying it takes a village to raise a child and it's like yeah but in this kind of society everyone feels responsible for their own children that means their own income their own mortgage, their own car, their own house their own child everyone has their own personal everything but that's a lot of God keep isn't it you pop over to Samoa you know an island in the Pacific Ocean and the village takes care of the children and the men go off and they do this together all day and the women go and do that together all day and a little group come together after the children it's like there's different cultures in this world that show there's a whole different way that things can be done and we just have to be so loosened up from our set beliefs just because that's the way it's been done in the past is that the way that it has to be now is that really the calling or could there be something else and staying so open you realise you're totally wrong about everything that's just all of it I'm totally wrong about all of it I think too if you're so willing to to give it all over to the spirit and go for it then the spirit knows how to do the excavation and take the dirt from every aspect of the diamond and that's I think really the value of relationship a lot of traditional pathways to God were more about segregating men and women and going off away from people and the course is like saying no we'll use the people exactly where they are they're just the right place and they're in your life for a purpose and we can reinterpret those relationships and take them to a higher purpose but for me I was quite detached and kind of like a travelling mystic when we first met in New Zealand I had gone around to different countries and was quite showing up at gatherings and doing gatherings like this for some years and so I was kind of in the swing and the rhythm of having given my life over and not really looking for a relationship and actually I guess I was just walking by a room where you were getting ready to meditate and it was like I'm getting ready to meditate would you like to join me in it? Yeah that sounds good to me and that's how it started I just walked into the room and sat down and we meditated together and had a real deep meditation then there was more forecast as the book says of her coming back I had a little peace house I was doing a global ministry the global travels and basically I had two cats a four legged cat a three legged cat and the people that had been assisting me one couple moved to Canada another friend of mine had been my assistant for five years she had just got married had left to go get married so it was me and the cats in the global ministry and enter Kirsten even though Kirsten wasn't even aware that the people was running everything how many people did it take telling you five people down in New Zealand kept saying so you're going to Cincinnati to be with David in his peace house no I'm not so you're going to Cincinnati to be with David in his peace house I don't think so and so by the fifth it was this is where you start to see that you don't really have charge of the awakening you just have to be willing and then the spirit will send in the people the encounters, the movies everything will be given when you have the desire for it you don't even have to figure out the means the spirit will provide the means even it wouldn't give you a goal peace of mind without giving you the means to achieve the goal so that was very much involuntary like all miracles are and then when she came over as she started answering the phone and just really trying to be truly helpful as the cats weren't doing anything they had me playing doorman for them and they were feed me and cuddle me love me and open the door and close the door but when Kirsten started answering the phone calls were coming in, healing calls and then she just started her body had been cold for years started to get hot cold showers sometimes during the day because the heat, the energy was so strong of going from a head injury into jumping into being used by the Holy Spirit a lot during the day so the body went from cold to like a conductor of energy and electricity just passing through and then when it became apparent that we were to be in a relationship the body of David was how many years 12 years younger than this but still was like what are you thinking this is not he's not my type the first she's called over there from New Zealand and then I mean the things that I would just do like when I would have been in New Zealand I would wear sandals but I wore socks and she would just look and just go oh my so not cool so not my type socks and sandals this isn't like Switzerland this is New Zealand and it was little things like that like being off in a room and I like when I brush my teeth and really brush them good and I can spit out and rinsing and she's in sometimes the other just having huge reactions to what she called my hoiking noises I've never even heard of hoiking I don't know what hoiking is I'm rinsing and spitting I don't know what hoiking is but for her it was like you know she'd be in the room and this was like the kind of forgiveness lessons noises sounds smells and then also all of my wardrobe is donated people give me clothes I don't like go out to outlet stores and try to color coordinate and this and this I get donated clothes so she gets into my wardrobe and I think just coming there to be of service is no problem as soon as she thought that this was a relationship she was thinking the way I'm going to be caught dead with a man wearing and so she goes through my wardrobe and that's what's all in the book these kind of situations which are all undoing the self-concept and then I'm wanting to be spiritual oh yeah I'm supposed to be spiritual I'm not supposed to have all these judgments in my mind now and that's what was so unbearable I watched these videos of David and he's wearing this women's apricot tracksuit I'd like to come all these different videos I didn't know they were filming women's apricot tracksuit it wasn't ecartol wear it was colorful California colorful but it's like my mind this is the kind of stuff that needed to come up like if it was up to Kirsten she'd have got a partner dressed in the cool clothes snowboarding whatever and those kind of things they would have been in the mind the kind of subtle judgments but you can just get away with them whereas whereas when you're like partnered up and it's like the spirit's doing this partnering for the healing of the mind do I want judgment free eternal love or egoic personal preferences where you're trying to match everything up in a superficial way and so it's just this yeah everything got seen it's just so funny because I had thought before but that's where I started to learn about what it meant like if I had these judgments in my mind and I didn't want them there and I tried to hold them back I would go from feeling that being in love and being in this beautiful collaboration of serving God together to then there's a gap and the longer the gap stayed the bigger the golf got just from one judgment and I was just brushing my ways or an egg record track suit and then in the end I'd be thinking about New Zealand and it's like yeah I didn't even know really what I'm doing here I'm not even in love it's like the mind would just start to turn away from God away from the spirit's plan and once I started to feel like that then I was like wow what just happened so it was a real devotion to come back, be honest, be transparent and be meet with this innocence every time it was so adorable I told her, she said something about the clothes I said well we're parting it up for the spirit then go through the whole wardrobe and do what you will with it keep it, throw it out give me, yeah this will be your Ken doll because I didn't really care about the clothes anyway to me they were just like if they were donated I'd come in I would let the spirit kind of go through me and I've traveled with other people I remember there was a time I think I was traveling through Australia with Helena and every place I went we went to a lot of places every place I would show up I would be color coordinated with my clothes color coordinated with my backdrop and she would watch this every time she was like unbelievable like color coordinated completely with whatever backdrop where we would go every single time over again she said there it is again there it is again and of course she was thinking and why am I not color coordinated so she decided she would let me get up first and then she would wash me shower and get dressed and then she would see what I was wearing then she would pull into her wardrobe and then she was then color coordinated with every place we went the spirit is that much into the nuances when we say give it over to spirit let it dress you let it speak through you let it laugh through you smile through you hug through you express love you want to hold your hand we are all love songs and the wonder the girls were screaming because their hunger for love was met concert after concert album after album movie after movie and the wonder anybody would scream if you felt bereft of love and suddenly love came shining at you and so that's pretty much the way it went in the sense that I was really and we would come together and there were practicalities like with Kirsten having two head injuries she would go through the day and then she would get into the afternoon and then all of her energy would go and she would have to sleep and I thought oh that's delightful that's like the Spanish culture, siesta which I feel is very natural when we were in preschool kindergarten we would take naps I don't know what happened in first grade why they started to weed those out but for me I always liked siesta so when she said I have to sleep I would get okay and then I would sleep siesta then she would come up and I would hold her and we would siesta together and that's how the Holy Spirit handled head injury no energy in the afternoon we would siesta together and it worked pretty good until we went on the road one time when we were driving up I think to Vermont or something like that and then we were in this little tiny Honda Insight little hybrid car one of the first Honda hybrid cars tiny little two seater and we're going up there I think we were supposed to be there for dinner and then a gathering and we were trying to make it up there and then the afternoon came and she said I really I really need to stop and sleep and I said we're just barely going to make it there for dinner I absolutely have to sleep and so we pulled this little Honda Insight to the side of the road and cars and trucks were going by the car was shaking and a big truck would go by this tiny little car would just shake so we're both trying to siesta this tiny little sardine can wasn't very restful until I finally was like we need to go spirit orchestrates gives you a gathering and time for dinner with people it's like so and prior to that for like six months maybe even longer every time we went on the road we did make it on time to get to our host's house so that I could go and have a siesta at three in the afternoon but this day this was the day where there was no opportunity at all to stop and even though we tried it was like no it's just not the guidance and the ego did come up my mother would get me a hotel and you know although my mother thought it started coming in and she would she would take care of me and so all of them started trying to come up but we did have to kind of go forward and I know for Kirsten I could feel like oh here it comes the ego is trying to come in big time and then by the time we got there I did meet with some of the people and we were just sitting down for dinner and Kirsten tried to sleep but couldn't so you went off for a walk in the woods and that's the story I wish I was eaten by a bear that the ego got and so stirred up that when she was walking that was some of the thoughts you were aiming I wish a bear would eat me then David would see that this is not the way the day was supposed to go but then that was a big point because that was also the point where she was so identified with the head injury and needing to sleep in the afternoon that that was the point where the Holy Spirit was going to say let's go past these thoughts you know the pattern isn't you and that was like it turned into a huge break today when you were walking in the woods that was like a major turnaround it was because I'd my personality type was always to push, push myself and get over something fast get on with it and always like going for everything high speed and this journey for me that has been all about letting that go and being told and shown that I'm not in control and it's not up to me and I can't push my way through at all and make it happen and so I'd come to a surrender point with these symptoms and I hadn't really accepted the idea that I would have them for life but I was willing if that was true I'd come to such a point like okay I just have to accept the afternoon that I do have to rest and not push it and any time I'd tried I'd got more of a headache more of a strain so there was a real fear there that if I pushed it again I would be in pain again but this was the day what was so amazing about it there was no accident the whole day was orchestrated that there was no rest and so that was the day when I went on that walk first it was like I just want to be eaten by a bear I just want to die I just want this to be over David doesn't love me he doesn't care about me what am I doing what am I thinking and then that's when I started to question it like is that true is it true David doesn't love me well is it true that he's not supporting me that's a hard one how can I see that he's supporting me in this and then that's where I could get right down and turn it around what if he is supporting me what if this is the guidance and this is the moment and then I could go underneath what do I want what do I really want and then I could see the question do I want to continue to insist that I have to protect myself from pain and it's like no I do want to be free of this and in that seeing of that decision and that prayer that was went the whole thing lifted up into the possibility that this could be the moment and it was I just felt it in my mind and then I went back to the house and it was the whole house glowed it looked like a Thomas Kincaid painting it was like twinkling soft light of God floating at the windows open the door at David and everyone was sitting around the table as if they were all waiting for me and then that was the beginning of the end from then on every day it was like well I'm open to resting but I'm open if it doesn't come in let's not plan for it anymore and then it just loosened and loosened to the point there yeah and that was such an important miracle in a moment and then I think as you go through the book you start to realize that that God has a plan for awakening from this dream of pain and suffering and sickness and death and that the ego has a plan for keeping you here for as long as it can because it's very seeming existence depends on your mind it's like a parasite that is feeding off of a mind that was actually created by God but now is bought into a puff a tiny made idea and now this little tiny puff is like a parasite that's feeding off of this divine mind energy to perpetuate a world of time and space and to perpetuate sleep like the dark city movie I was talking about where the dark ones, the dark characters they just walk up to people and they put their hand over their face and they just go sleep and they put their hand over their face and they go down like this and they're always going around with one purpose sleep they're very vicious and dark and creepy looking and in the movie they're going around that's all they do they walk up to people sleep you are going to sleep and their purpose is to wake us up from this dream of separation and suffering and sickness pain, division, conflict so what Kirsten started to discover and discovers through this journey of these years in the book is that there is a plan that God called us together and we're being used in this holy relationship not only for us but for the whole universe and it's to free the mind that's sleeping and dreaming it's not freeing David or freeing Kirsten and then the ego is quite threatened by this awakening plan because it wants you to stay asleep so what it does is it generates plan B's like God is plan A and the ego counters plan A with lots of plan B's and we know that when we've been in relationships you know there's many fish in the sea this one doesn't work out there's always plan B, C, D, E, F you know we do this with jobs we do it with relationships we do it with spiritual paths we do it with so many things even when we go to the grocery store you know we have the idea what's on our list and then there's plan B if they don't have this we're going to always fall back on plan B so plan A is forgive and release the attack thoughts and you'll be free and happy and plan B's there are so many and I think that's what comes through in the book because there was actually a time when we went down to I think it was Columbia where a friend of mine was hosting us and we were in her apartment did you ever see the Miss America pageants on TV Miss America pageants did you ever see the Miss World pageants my friend was like Miss World she was bubbly and happy she was studying the course and she looked like the winner of the Miss World pageant and here we are newly using the rings and the symbols and our rings down there and I think that was the first time you said in your entire life that the feeling of jealousy came up never did you have that with boyfriends any relationships, siblings with this green beast a rose see how the Holy Spirit does it well we'll get that beast up we need Miss World to come in here when I was going through my Mary Poppins page she was going through Mary Poppins I was going to talk about not caring about how I looked we were down in Columbia down by the equator and we're going out and speaking to all these groups and most of them are women and they're looking over at Kirsten and Kirsten is wearing turtlenecks turtleneck sweaters in Columbia and so I could see the women are kind of like they're just giving an odd look can you relate to that girl up there you know so eventually we went out with Miss World and she said come on, we'll take you shopping so she took us around and she was picking out I had to be willing to be the king at all it was your turn, Barbie you were going to be Barbie and you were going to be redressed by the Holy Spirit for Columbia so my friend Lily picked out tank tops tank tops and shows some stuff girl and da da da da and Kirsten was like and finally I'm like what's the problem what's the problem what is the problem with what Lily's bringing you in she's going to help dress you for down here so we can get the message through here so the people can relate to you and Kirsten's like I cannot speak in front of a group of people at a Course in Miracles gatherings and show any nipple that was the thought and I was like what kind of top was Rich wants the details I want photos come on here but this was the thing she was going through from turtleneck to tank top was in other words you had to let the spirit take over your life it's almost like the body is like a puppet and the spirit wants to use the puppet to shine the light in whatever is appropriate situation but the spirit knows what's best and that's why the whole journey through the book is such a journey of trust and surrender because the past association is a personality where these kind of clothes these are my styles these are my colors these are my eye colors my nail colors and so on and so forth and then the spirit's like well it's actually like a play to be appropriate we want to go places where people can relate to us the spirit's use of the symbol takes priority over the preferences of the ego for what the impact can be and we know that even the Beatles were dressed up they were wearing really casual kind of clothes and when Brian Epstein got a hold of them he took them to a tailor and the tailor majored them and dressed them up and the crowd started to grow the places they played in I think in the early years they went to like Hamburg and people were throwing stuff on the stage and broken glass and strip clubs and people rushing the stage and all this and this Brian Epstein under the hoist grid brings in Brian Epstein dresses them up in suits does their haircuts and feel boots and boom see it was like Chris was saying who was the guy that the music producer said that was Rick Rubin Rick Rubin said that the Beatles were proof of the existence of God Rick Rubin said and when you watch this movie or you know anything about the Beatles you can see the love and the joy and the reflections it's almost like a giant meteor hitting the surface of the water and sending out a tsunami so we're bringing it down to the context of how it was for us because in one sense we were used in the same way and that's what's so great about the book how transparent it is of what's going on inside with all of these real deep prompts from the spirit that are really to benefit the whole universe but they seem to be impacting on Kirsten and the David and so it's really amazing when you look at it because I think there were mystical experiences there was lots of opportunities and there were times when I think it was when we were in New Zealand where there was like a whole unconscious story that Kirsten had on how her adult life was to go there was an idealistic little tiny little alpine village in the south island of New Zealand and you know how they say sometimes little girls picture their wedding and picture the details of the wedding you know she had kind of an unconscious program running of how she would live in this little town called Wanaka and the kind of life she would have and the kind of lifestyle and the kind of partner and I did feel when we would travel together to New Zealand it would even be activated so she's like hey come to Wanaka you kind of see Wanaka it was like being in the Wizard of Oz let's go see the Wizard like we can't waste any more time we have to see the Wizard it was almost like implied like I would just go and I would go Wanaka why miss you my whole life forget the rest of the world I am in Wanaka and you know somehow I would I would dress like I would get my hair cut and get skis or something and be there and I would just fill into the fantasy of Wanaka by the time I got to Wanaka I had heard so much of Wanaka but I finally pulled up there and I was like this is Wanaka you know it's like to me one place is the same as every other place really honestly I love them all they all feel the same to me but for that was like a major part because that was almost like a fantasy of how your future was to go almost like you know like Carolyn Mace talks about you know you script things before you even come into this world you kind of have an agenda of what you're going to do and it's all really part of a prearranged plan well here was the Holy Spirit's guidance and the way our life was going coming up against Wanaka that turned into that was like a major thing it was a real deep attachment as I went down there and that was the first experience I had of opening up spiritually too I learnt to meditate there and met spiritual friends and everyone was into some kind of spiritual lifestyle like that Reiki teachers or massage the other person or organic coffee shop or they were a snow patrol ski patrol and it was just a time where I let go of the world to go down there and this is also where they filmed Lord of the Rings this was not surprisingly this was the fantasy about this is where I want to live my life town of 5000 people no traffic lights everyone's into the environment it was just very pristine and then yeah I left my car park there and I left my skis there and a couple of handsome belongings and then was launched so quickly on this journey I'd gone up north for anyway ended up travelling with David so I'd been away for probably a year and a half and it was time to go back to Wanaka and get my car out of there but I could feel it it was almost like oil and water are not going to mix like David is the symbol of letting go of the whole world in Wanaka the best of the world the best that the world has to offer who cares the fear and the guilt every time like oh what's it going to be like and hoping that when we got there maybe all my friends would be there we'd have all the into the course by the time we got there David we'd get a nice haircut some ski jackets some old friends were out of town and so we had one gathering at the local kind of spiritual venue the air and there were just a few people and they were it was like it could have been any spiritual gathering they really weren't deeply into the course it was like okay but the further we drove away as well it was really intense in my mind it was a huge plan B and I have no idea how deep these plan B's are like in the mind it's in consciousness itself like there's some very deep holding on to some aspect of the world and underneath that is fear like who am I without that when it's been there for so long yeah who am I without that Wanaka that place and that possibility then is this all there is and all there is at this time even though it was amazing also involved a lot of dealing with the ego so it's like this memory of all of these beautiful gentle walking by the river learning about guidance opening up to spirituality memories and going further through the darkness to the light but it was a decision I had to finally see very clearly exactly what is it here that I'm deciding for and it was beautiful because we talked through it as much as we could and we were driving away and I was being torn and then finally we drove across the country to stay with a friend and it's like I couldn't go any further to drive all the way back up north and I just I wanted to go back to Wanaka and we stayed with our friend for like three days like with me and Limbo and then finally David said well I'm flying north so he just we had a gathering planned so he booked us flight and went north and at first I felt abandoned and betrayed and how could he just leave me here but I had to have space to just look at it and really see what do I want and be allowed to just even feel it because I'd gone beyond even trying to decide for myself my mind was then going to do I want this or this and when you get into that kind of thinking of trying to make a decision about things in form you've completely lost sight of the one decision what is your will from me so I just needed that spaciousness to stay with our friend for a couple of days and then he was driving in a different direction all together from both places and I just followed him in my car and then a day later I could feel this is not the direction and then another day later I'm like oh I can feel it I need to be with David of course I'm meant to be with David what was I thinking then I could call and then just basically fly all the way in the car I think too the thing about Wanaka it's really good that it's addressed in the book but actually Wanaka was more like the tip of the iceberg like you know about icebergs you have the tips sticking out over the water and then they do these iceberg photography and it's amazing there's this little teeny thing and then there's this massive thing underneath I had been through all that hermitages experiences and faced so many undoings of this concept and I know a lot of us I remember Lindsay you were saying one time you went off to the Southwest to kind of be on your own and face all these things I had done that and with Kirsten I knew that Wanaka was kind of like a fantasy or a lifestyle more on the top she had a Subaru all wheel drive and this ideal kind of idealistic place where Lord of the Rings was filmed and very simple and then underneath it where is Wanaka but Wanaka is in New Zealand and where are the parents originally they were from England but she was born and raised and so there's country stuff under Wanaka there's family stuff anybody ever growing up oh I want to marry somebody and live close to my parents for others it's I want to get as far away from my parents as I can get but you know how that goes it's part of the self-concept and the parents have expectations the kind of partner you'll meet get married and have children and you'll make us grandparents there's a lot down there underneath the tip there's a lot of unconscious programming that's just the tip the fantasy is kind of like maybe you have a Tom Cruise fantasy or this fantasy or that fantasy and then you get underneath it whoa what is, wow and that's also dealt with in the book because the Wanaka experience was just one little episode but then interactions with Roger and Jackie, her biological parents and the brothers and the conditioning of growing up and her expectations around men related to your brothers and their actions and reactions and how much it could be trusted or were they the kind to play around with you and dunk your head down into the sand when you're in the water and different things those are all things when people talk about father issues or mother issues it's really ego issues they're just unconscious programming that have to be raised up into awareness so I was aware while it was all going on that this was all essential like the ideal it was devastating to the ego to even think about letting go of the ideal but underneath that there was a lot more letting go required really but I knew that that was the whole purpose of the relationship and so there was amazing experiences down there frequent visits to New Zealand six years in a row we went down there and that just shows you were asking Rich about with the 14 year old son we've been winding six years we visited New Zealand and you know where New Zealand is it's next to Australia and so we talk about Hawaii and this is like New Zealand and Fiji and all these things this is way down there but that was beautiful and then I could see too that even our trips to other cultures, other countries those were all like rapid undoing any kind of vestiges of self-concept and then also just you know trusting too of where this is all heading because I think if all of us are honest we would say there are definitely our financial beliefs there's beliefs in scarcity and lack that are underneath if we had kind of like free reign to do whatever we wanted to do in this world to do financial considerations whatsoever that's kind of an interesting thing to ponder like what would I do with my life if I had no concerns at all about money, none and so for Kirsten she before I had met her she went through this very guided thing she was into all kinds of spirituality and the chorus and yoga and everything but she was guided to buy a house in was it the North Island the ski town see that was part of it too that wasn't even Wanaka she had a house a little chalet tucked away a ski town over there so she had a house and then as we traveled she had numerous different I guess little stashes bank accounts and all kinds of things she was like a squirrel you know she had she had a chalet she had her nuts buried all over the place and she's traveling with a mystic who's like living in a divine providence like provide the air for me if I need a piece of bread look at the lilies of the field look at the sparrows you know they can survive on a piece a berry one berry for the day they happily sing all day long and take their berries they don't have CDs bank accounts and houses they're free that's why they're singing all day they don't have possessions so that's me and then she's got stuff stashed all over the place and to me this is again the self-concept because why would you stash stuff and own stuff and possess stuff unless you were afraid it wasn't going to work out that's the ego tells you save for a rainy day and then it tells you keep saving and keep stashing and it's never enough and then you find out after a while you don't have possessions the mortgage has you the house has you you may even be in a relationship where you think I don't feel very free I'm trapped and tied down so basically as we start traveling around and living in divine providence I was talking the talk live free and just we live in donations and you know donate freely because we live a life of freedom well anyway I think Jesus probably watches this whole thing and so we actually got to a point where we didn't have books we did start to have some CDs and there was a CD stomping story where she stomped and you put little labels I just hand wrote I put a hand write the title we didn't have all these computer programs and high tech things I just CD burn it and write what it is she was stomping I'm putting on these labels on these things and that brought up a lot too like what do you think I am you know the skills and abilities I have and I'm just stomping CDs and that's why we went to what was the name of the little pound Shaboykin I love the name Shaboykin we went to Shaboykin to a church to do a gathering and Kirsten had brought all of these stomped CDs along quite a few of them to put out and she was in charge of resources and she would usually give like a little talk at the end of I would speak about donations and we brought some resources and if you want to contribute a donation she had a little two to five minute little spiel but I was so excited for God that day I just was going on and on and I was happy and my arms were flying around and then the time was flying by so it got to the very end of the gathering and I just said remember what Jesus said freely you have received now freely give everything is for free and she was kind of sitting there you could just tone it down a little bit with the free stuff like this is at the free store don't get a little but I was like at the very end and then time was up and I said well thank you all for coming and then as I recall there was a woman who was so happy with the talk and with the ending of the talk that she made a beeline she just before she could get a microphone she could do anything the woman raced over to the resource table and she hit her hand open like this and she scooped she just went like she spent I don't know how much on every CD the woman scooped I think it's called the scooped in there the mighty scooped she just scooped as many CDs these are like individual she scooped as many and she had a whole handful and she said and raced out the door as Kirsten was before Kirsten could react to do anything the same but donationaries but she couldn't even say donation it was all happened so fast and then the next place we went was Bumpity which was a friend's of mine and I was doing how many days was it it was like I don't know weak thing so the people that are coming there like we're doing today it's all a box of donation and they're donating to the hosts because they're staying there food, places to stay and Kirsten put out a nice donation basket every day I would teach for hours and Kirsten would we'd have a great gathering and she would go check the big donation bowl nothing not a zilch any and she's like so this went on for a couple days wasn't it two or three days she just got angry on the second day the basket was in my eyesight and David was talking it was like my mind started getting addicted to looking at the empty donation basket nothing nothing at all day after day and then finally share how this goes on with Jesus because finally you really had to turn it over to Jesus because it started to be very disturbing like you were being disturbed by the whole thing well that night I went into prayer because I was so upset with everyone I was like why are they withholding why aren't they valuing and supporting what's valuable like the whole thing was in my mind of what I would say so I went into prayer with Jesus and he was like what's going on why is there all of this withholding and it's not being valued and then Jesus just had one very short sentence for me he just said where are you withholding ooh so I went through my list and I realised that you know we're talking I was talking the talk I was like actually I have a car in New Zealand I have a house I have a bank account it was like I had all these things still in my position really and so I just went into prayer with them and gave them all over to the spirit in my mind just in the willingness to not hold on to them not knowing what would happen in terms of letting them go but all I knew was that I wanted to be free of all sorts of ownership and withholding so I just went through that that night and then the next day I just shared it with you and then I think it was the last morning and the whole thing was a reflection of my mind and the healing of my mind and this beautiful talk came out of David about divine providence nothing about lack nothing about you need to give or anything like that about the truth of everything being provided for so perfectly and then one of the guys in the group he said well it's okay for you David you go around with your donation basket and you get paid for what you do it's alright for you and David held up the donation basket which was still empty it was the perfect setup for his question and David said well this is it I don't have any expectations of you I'm not dependent on you to put the money in the basket I'm dependent on God and this giving comes through God and it comes through inspiration and this is the joy of giving giving without holding back and trusting that then everything will be given through that same inspiration and so that was it he gave this whole talk and I was so happy and then at the end of it everyone came up and the basket was just built up every floor that was another one of those lessons in plan B because Wanaka and New Zealand weren't just the plan B they're how it works we're conditioned we do say for a very good day we do invest we do hold that that's practical stay for the future and when you do look at the birds we've been watching actually Jeffrey got us a bed and breakfast here not too far from here 15 minutes and we were looking down over our perch watching the blue birds sail underneath us below us and everything and when you look at the birds they go through the day and we know they're chirping and flying and playing but food is not considering what restaurant and LA should we fly through the night do we need to call ahead for that do you have your GPS on and I've heard there's a long line there it's a very popular restaurant so you better check they're not planning their day about going to a restaurant in LA their favorite restaurant and all the energy that it can take is traffic or construction and your whole thing you may have a fantasy going in the afternoon and it's all busted by 8 o'clock at night and you don't even make it to the restaurant but this was good because these aren't just words I'm speaking this is a living presence when St. Francis, Mother Teresa all these great saints and avatars they live it they really are dependent on spirit for everything and I think the birds are a great example how happy they are how they sing all the time and they're not thinking about what's going to happen in the future or what happened in the past they're very, very present and animals are very, very present often times too and they're great teachers that way just like I mentioned my dog Mohandas K. Gandhi was teaching me when I was in grad school I was out about exams and all these things it's not worth it so I think that really came through because there came a point with all those things the car was guided to be sold the house cursing with Oliver Journaling working with Jesus Jesus was very specific it's time to let go of the car it's time to let go of the house he not only starts it off with a question that's the tip of the iceberg and then you get underneath where am I holding on to past ego beliefs and he's got a whole workbook for that some of you might have seen lesson 50 I am sustained by the love of God he says you believe in this world you're sustained by everything but the love of God pills, money, clothing knowing the right people being liked preferences, investments he goes after it and then in lesson 76 the laws of medicine the laws of economics the laws of friendship friendship I'm guarding against God's love by my friendship yes as long as you have your preferences and you treat some of the sonship as more important than the rest of the sonship yes exactly you're holding off from my agape the use of friendship is a block to the awareness of love so Jesus is the wayshar the truth, the life he's the master and he will work directly with the mind when you're really ready and Kirsten's life is a great example of that a very transparent example because when she would get to the point of selling the car there would be the voices of the world maybe her father, biological father saying something like are you sure where is this heading what happened to my young beautiful daughter who had such a life ahead and was going to live in a ski town and then imagine when she got the guides from Jesus in journaling to sell the house sell your house and what are you into Jesus it's like you can only they weren't a religious family in terms of Jesus Jesus first appeared to her in a meditation and said I will be your teacher but she had no conditioning in living there in rural New Zealand no conditioning from the Judeo-Christian world about Jesus at all he appeared the first time there in fact she didn't even know what Jesus looked like until she there was a picture of Jesus in a drawing in one of the drawers that she was digging through and she got it and she went to her mother and she said who is this and I was 15 when she was 15 she said to her mother who is this and Jackie said oh my gosh it's Jesus person didn't know about Jesus like Francis not knowing about the Beatles person didn't know about Jesus so this makes the parable of her life a very good teaching parable like the Course in Miracles the scribe and the collaborator Helen Shuckman and Bill they're research psychologists what better way to send a Course in Miracles through than through an atheist research professor who wasn't even Christian in fact if you look at the whole team that Jesus used they're Jewish he had a home team the home boys he's not using Christians to deliver the message of Christ he's using Jews instead and a transgender man to finance the publishing of his book transgender from Mexico now this is that starts to give us a little clue about Christ he's not buying into anything of time and space wasn't Bill gay Bill at times yeah he's gay and heterosexual I think by the end of his life he was more asexual yeah Bill so you can see the value of this the spirit has to find a way to use the symbols to kind of almost catch your mind off guard in the most surprising way because if you think you know what's coming egoically you will defend against the light you will say for me no no no no you'll block it so the spirit has to find a way to come in through the back door and that's what this book's about and that's what our life's about because eventually she did let go of the stashes she did let go of everything we have lived in divine providence and after the book it kind of hints there's more to come but I've been here before I've shared many times there's a lot of people that are taking our example and saying I'm going to try this out as like a calling and even Zach I think when I mentioned you had a day job and now you're the director of the Peaceful Ninjas and this is the headquarters we're in the headquarters now of the Peaceful Ninjas and it's taking off and doing things as a mind watcher like you were saying it can be a major mind watcher and still Jesus is behind all of it prompting here this is next and this is next you can feel it's more of a step by step piece by piece unwinding of a very tricky ego really people in the community all their personal funds go into the slush fund so once we called the Peace there were those that felt like a calling and a dedication like they were dedicating their life and they were dropping their plant beads all plant beads and so yeah that's been the case with that now there's been I mean it's a big plan and there's Kirsten and I have interacted with thousands and probably tens of thousands of people over all these years and everybody you know it's highly individualized so that's not really something that we have an emphasis on at all it seemed like for me it was extremely important for me to answer my call and kind of go all the way with it it was very important and then for those that were coming in I never anticipated that I never anticipated like communities I didn't grow up as a child I can't wait mom and dad I want to live in a spiritual community when I grow up we didn't even know I don't think I even know they existed I was white, Anglo, Saxon, Protestant and it's suburban Protestant church and you know if somebody said what do you think you'll live in a community and you get older I'd say what's that? like is that like a neighborhood or I didn't have any context whatsoever for that none of us did and so each of us when we got this deep call we had to face all kinds of resistances like where is this going how am I going to spend my life and how's this going to look and all the typical things that anyone would ask we were like going through that and now I think we have maybe 20 some people that kind of a part of a community around the world and there's also so many people that are supporting hosting it's like right here we're back here in this house by invitation and you're in our hearts you're as much of our community as anybody else you know we feel this deep love we feel this deep welcome and we know too that everybody is being unwound from the ego so everybody's taking their steps as they're guided to do we join with people we pray with people we listen with people and had these kind of informal joining and talk but as I was saying earlier it's crisis in charge from a much broader perspective way beyond anything that a human being could ever comprehend so we're just staying in the joy of that as long as you're happy, gleeful, joyful free-flowing and everything at this moment you're in God's plan right now it's not a future kind of thing at all it's like a real present feeling yeah that's very individualized and it's also about learning stewardship for everyone it's the journey of learning stewardship like to give over personal ownership to the Holy Spirit of our entire life and so money is just one aspect you know like our time our voice, our body everything including all of the resources forms of things that we have and so it's about just being willing as soon as you're aware you can do that immediately now you can give it and that's just basically you're saying I don't want to have guilt so I want to join in the decision making so that the map is being used in the best possible way to serve your plan so I won't be giving away money out of guilt which is quite a common thing when you start to go on the journey it was so funny I knew I was coming over to join with David soon as my house was selling my perception of my parents shifted suddenly they were old and I wanted to give them money like just like that and thank God I told them they'd burst into laughter you want to give us money you think we're old that's ridiculous we want to give you money but it was just to see that in my mind like I even the guilt of giving over to God it's easier to want to kind of use it to keep looking after the world or looking after those who don't have it so I think that's part of the prayer is taking the steps and wanting to steward for God and then in our community there are many in the community now who are on full scholarship because they've come over the years and they've given all that they've had and then they reach a point where they don't have for some of them they came with $10,000 or $30,000 kind of use those funds and use those resources and their life is so merged in this purpose that now they're just there on scholarship and then others come with funds and they can contribute a monthly amount and that's enough to cover for everyone so it's like the spirit really is orchestrating all of it for this whole beautiful plan there isn't really a cookie cutter approach with any of it it's fun to watch people come and they get so devoted and their eyes start to get really glowy and sparkly and it's like we get to watch modern day like St. Francis is coming to us that are so devoted they become telepathic they become prayerful they become how Mother Teresa always emphasized the life of service devotion we get to watch that people come their faces light up they're carefree they're patient we were just talking with Jeffrey this morning because there's a couple in the community and Jeffrey's been filming and keeping footage on hard drives and doing some of that and this and this and he was talking about a couple people in the community that he could even say well I lost the hard drive of all the footage and there we go okay well let's pray on that let's take a look and see what's next and he was like whoa there was no sense of something gone wrong or lost in the thing and so those experiences those are the miracles the miracle accepts the miracle is gracious the miracle is abundant the miracle overlooks error the miracle doesn't first go now let's dissect it and see who's to blame the miracle way above that it overlooks it doesn't even see the error it looks right at the atonement without even seeing the error now that's when you get into that the joy of overlooking errors none of us were raised how do we overlook errors we were raised to see the error diagnose the error establish guilt who's to blame who's responsible what a legal profession if you look all the way down the line it's really it's guilt based and then the miracle just overlooks it entirely and that's why when you see people sometimes you see children you see animals you see some people that are so joyous they look like they're ready to just burst out of their skin they're so happy they don't have those thoughts going on analyzing they're not trying to figure something out they're just into love those are dogs yeah that's why people often have a relationship a deeper relationship with their dog than any of their partners because there's this deep bond and connection of love that's there and so but what we're about really to is about living the course the course is a big book we certainly studied and you can do workshops and seminars and write lots of books but it's never been the goal our goal has been to have an actual living experience of what the words are pointing for not getting stuck in the words or splitting hairs around words and concepts it just seems like that's the nature of the world the ego is always trying to find things to divide on what do you mean by that I mean I go out and I give a talk and they'll be like define God define God God can't be defined I'm happy to report that God has no definition even the word it's just a word it's so far now it's so far beyond any kind of word or concept and I love it when people are doing that it was same with the Beatles too in that movie they just landed in the United States and one of the press of America were like who do you people think you are Elvis Presley and Broadway Ringo and they started squirming around and throwing their hips around no no no I'm not Elvis you know they would take whatever was fired at him and play with it turn it into an instant joke even wiggling their bodies you gotta love it you know his spirit you know there's God when people are firing things at them and they are having an absolute ball with it and imagine if you were a teenager at that era I mean remember we're just coming out of the 50's in America in the 60's early 60's they come over the teenager has there's authority issues there's issues with the system there's this you know how it is when we were young too being a teenager we're like wondering what the heck how did I end up on this planet and who are these people and who are these parents my god you know we relate more to the Buddha there than we actually do to parents but we actually had a very tenuous point of our life and imagine the Beatles come along and you watch on TV and you go a wonder the teenage girls screamed that more than that they were watching them at the press conferences they were like brazen, bold these are like people wanting to put them under the microscope and they're having a ball with it they're even making their manager Brian Epstein is squirming because he's the guy trying to shape the image of the Beatles and they don't even care about the image he's squirming they're not squirming you know now that means there's a God because there's something being activated imagine in all those teenagers I saw them at Dr. Stadium so I was in the middle of Beetle Manure and it was I had I was so in love with Paul McCartney I had to take Beetle Manure pills or these little candy pills and I had to go there for four hours I had a Beetle Aircraft I was just completely in love with it and Sigourney Weavers in the movie she was a little as a girl she was like the Beatles are coming and to the Hollywood Bowl so she spent like the whole day straightening her hair out with special kind of cans and yes you know to do everything just because John would be at the concert and right and just for chance out of 50,000 girls John might see Sigourney so you know she's in the movie too but that's the fun part of it people will go through so much but their love was being activated their heart was being activated and that's precious and that's what I think we're all here for I think just like the Beatles where we have a purpose here is to activate that love to share it to shine it to be bold even to be brazen we don't have to hide our light there's nothing holding us back that's the message and thoughts that are doubt thoughts in the mind but there's nothing real there's no real barriers we can have extraordinary lives extraordinary lives and there's nothing to stop us not a thing to stop us from having an extraordinary life good to know may I playing off of that story for an example a woman who's very fanatical about John Lennon whoever Paul McCartney and she's just very fanatical and so she has this whole fantasy playing about who this person is she may even seem as this enlightened being then she comes up she's obviously very ignited with passion and love through the thought and the fantasy of this person but then when she actually comes into contact with him maybe he's not what she's what she's projected onto him as being this enlightened sweet being and what is in regards to the chorus I guess would that be considered desire attachment that that woman once had for that being was practically projecting it onto the person but yet it elevated her state of being into such a divine space of love and grace and receptivity to that can you just maybe enlighten us on a situation like that is it ego driven or is that spirit driven yeah the ego projected the whole cosmos so everything of form even all books even the chorus itself I mean everything in form is a projection of the ego and the word that the chorus uses for this is specialness so it's a sense of what you're describing is would be a form of what the bible might call a dolla tree you know have no graven images before the lord thy god like a commandment and so she just asked the question of like someone who's drawn to like Paul McCartney or John Lennon and there's a fantasy going on they're seeing something they're elevated they're passionate they feel swirls of love they're activated with energy and they've come alive but what's the aspect of the ego what's the dangerous aspect and they're like that and that's that really comes to that point of like that's why the prayer of the heart has to be like with kirsten's show me a love that will never end coming back to the purity of the prayer because the spirit can use anything in form and to lift the mind to start to feeling more inspiration but even when there's an activation of strong energy a euphoria there were these teenage girls screaming there is a helpful aspect towards that activation and then there is a purification that will be necessary to handle where this is really going and that purification has to be at the top priority of everything because it's so easy for the ego to hijack things what seem to be like fantasies and just take them and turn them into long detours like long, long, long detours lifetime detours we're talking about we've got so many movies in our movie watchers guide to enlightenment but one of them that kirsten I know really enjoys is the one with Jane Seymour and Christopher Reeves somewhere in time an amazing kind of classic movie of there's definitely some fantasy components to it but there's also like this deep burning desire for love a non-ending love in that movie and as kirsten shared she and Jackie had had all those past life regressions so she kind of had more of a broad view of wow deep love and then tragic ending deep love tragic ending sounds like a formula for books deep love tragic ending and then after a series of lifetimes with that there's got to be more than deep love is that even love if it can end is a good question some of you know how I love the movie Solaris with George Clooney I don't live like this anymore and the Dylan Thomas poem that's in there though lovers be lost love shall not and death shall have no dominion huge lyrics that's the poem that rumbles through Solaris taking us towards an eternal relationship that's beyond romantic that's beyond time and space and then we talk about the divine law and giving and receiving as they come closer to Solaris all their unconscious fears and doubts are manifested immediately into these characters and then they have to forgive in order to merge with the light let's say in Solaris so I would say the purity has to be there and also that that fantasy is made by the ego so the ego fantasizes and sometimes like when we were growing up in university we studied courses like in mythology ancient mythology well Jesus is saying that all time and space is mythology it's all mythology 100% mythology whoa okay that's a mind bender and then you could say that the whole world as we're judging it in terms of linear the whole world is fantasy so what's the answer then what's the purposeful use of fantasy it's the spirit's use of fantasy to take you out of fantasy the spirit's use of time to take you out of the belief in time see thank God there's the presence of love that's still in us that can use anything that the ego made to turn it around and retranslate it to a happy dream to a forgiven world and specifically relationships I think when I do these talks on the course all over the world a lot of times people they read the course and then they read those like nine chapters from 15 to 24 which are about special relationships and they call some special love relationships and special hate relationships that block you from the king of heavens and so they'll make a pronouncement like I'm through with relationship I will never have another relationship what happens is that's also blocking the Holy Spirit from using what the mind believes in to free the mind so you see how important it is the purpose and there's a great section called the healed relationship too where you invite the Holy Spirit into the relationship and then it gets really disjunctive and it gets really difficult after the Holy Spirit is invited in and then Jesus says the ego will tell you get rid of him here not this now you invited the Holy Spirit in to purify this relationship and the ego wants him out right away like when the first sign of difficulty arises you are out and the Spirit's like saying no no you invited the Spirit in let the Holy Spirit work with it and that's one of the best sections I've ever read in any spiritual text about really giving relationships over in a very deeply purposeful way you might say the inspired use of fantasy is what it really is the Beatles were kind of used in that way I think a lot for many they had a lot of disillusionment too but it was for many it was their first heart opening that oh my god there's something real to love there's some real aspect to love I think I went through that that phase of idolizing my husband before he got married to the point where I didn't really want to spend any time with him I just wanted to think of him and my friend said my friend said well then you don't really need to like be with him all you use like this big cardboard image of him to like worship because it was I was seeing the purest in him and then even after we got married I didn't live with him for a year and I felt the Spirit actually guided us to get married but not live together yet because I was working on my own issues and then I started to feel like the move was to then move in with him and I have invited the Holy Spirit to help and I think I'm at that phase now where the ego is saying let's just break this up how about divorce so that's really good to hear you say that because it's like paying in there longer than the Spirit work let the Spirit finish when it started there's a movie called The Fountain which is all about awakening and transcendence and the wife is dying and the husband is desperately trying to come up with a scientific cure but they're both on a spiritual journey to enlightenment and awakening and she'll just kind of whisper to him over throughout the movie you know, finish it finish it which is really like with the ego, finish it the Spirit's so much urging us to be finished with these games and this running away this fear of love fear of deep intimacy so it's almost like you start to feel like opportunities for intimacy coming into your life like really heart swirling heart-opening intimacy you know, just pay attention when those opportunities come most like be ready to leap through the keyhole you know, or have Jesus reach a hand through and say come on here I am, come now like the Truman Show remember the Truman Show it's all contrived Merrill's playing a fake wife even the best friend's playing a fake best friend there's Kristoff who's doing the whole show for money and selling products and it's all superficial it's all fake and then whoosh comes into crashing the set of Sylvia she's like our Christ figure she loves him she wants him free of the Truman Show she wants him with no limits she wants him to know who he truly is and pure and she's like crashing the set and when she first crashes the set you know, I think in the movie he's basically at a library and she's got this sweater he notices her sweater and he's seen a glimpse of her before she's right there at the library in the stall, right opposite to them he recognizes her sweater and she's wearing a pin how will it end she's already into the Christ's energy and finish it I want you free of this show show of images I want you free as your creator created you how will it end and then he notices that and he starts to relate with her and he's trying to maybe get a date with her and she basically writes out on a little piece of paper if we don't go now it won't happen again the Christ we have to go now it's the only time we can escape time is now we don't go now it won't happen and that's the ego always wants to even have future enlightenment, future self-realization future devotion and now I've got to deal with all these practical struggles and the Christ energy is like the kingdom of heaven is at hand it's right now it's closer than your palm it's closer than your breath it's right now and then he goes for it he takes her hand and they literally scoot out and get out of the library and go racing down to the beach just laughing and just screaming screaming and happiness like the Beatles fans they're screaming as they go down and they're so gleeful they're so joyful at everything and she's like talking to him and he says something like why why speak and then they kiss they go right past the talking they go right into running down there and kissing and then they have such passionate kisses towards all the eternity it's very powerful and then you hear the truck with the vehicle coming because they know that they got off outside of the show where the cameras aren't they're out beyond the cameras and they're coming down to get them to get her and then she's like there's no time I've got to tell you you know it's all it's all fake it's all for you she does in her best non-duality in my 30 seconds none of it's real they're all actors it's all for you and they're just acting for you she just splurges it all out he's just like what and then as she's being grabbed by this man who's pretending to be her father she says to Truman come and find me that's what Jesus is the Christ is saying to us come and find me that is how precious and then off she goes and all he knows is the guy the man who's playing the father says we're moving away don't even try she's crazy she does this to all of her boyfriends he goes desperately trying to explain away the Christ and then he says we're moving to Fiji and so he that's Sylvia that's why he wants to go to Fiji because he feels this love not of this world love he'll go to the end of the earth he'll go all the way around to the opposite side of the earth to find Sylvia and truth and Sylvia is the Christ when he finally does get out of the Truman show and pushes his way out the exit door she comes racing down to find him and that's isn't that like the prodigal son story where the father comes racing racing out to find who squandered thinks he's lost his inheritance the father kills the calf has a big party in the celebration so the Truman show is like a modern day parable of find it, find the truth and really that's what Kirsten and I we do it's not just only the presence but it's the presence inviting inviting igniting within you to say wow this is like a holographic world this is a quantum world and why should I put any limits on my self-realization desire my self-realization quest here we are surrounded again by the Buddha Buddha what a symbol of devotion to one thing a single pointed desire and devotion that is what ignites everything even reminded me when I came here that time and Priya was just devastated about breaking up and then we just would join throughout the whole weekend and that was really touching for me to see that by the end of the weekend she had a smile on her face she was totally linked in and resonating with what was being shared as the possibilities and she was, I could feel her she was willing to let go of the devastation in a weekend in a weekend whereas you know how it goes in this world the ego will do such a number on your mind it can make those things last days weeks months years decades the ego is such a master deceiver at trying to perpetuate the belief in loss and devastation and I'll never have that again it just goes in there and it just plays that tune so strong and that's the way the book ends too with the sense of coming home to a relationship with God and then in that deep meditative connection with God everything is given if you're supposed to speak if you're supposed to travel if you're supposed to meet somebody if you're supposed to be with somebody everything is given in that connection there's not this grinding thing in the mind going what now and what do I do and you know we know how that that is it's like a tumbler it's like a committee in there it's like the committee is meeting like how many of you are in there and why can't you make a decision why are we stuck in this point at that point boundaries or being able to distinguish between so just yesterday I had it completed and it really does feel like Spirit really brought us together to play and we did and we could continue to there's like a really deep connection to the point where we've had many multiple experiences of being just one body one person and meshed in one and it's felt amazing at the same time at the same time I found myself either at times activating the past or planning the future and kind of projecting we're not fully receiving all the love sometimes and sometimes it didn't feel like love or like projection of trauma onto me heavy stuff I did my best I feel like I did a fairly good job for a male to just witness I actually thought of you a bunch of times the way you say okay I would say okay here we are no matter what's going on but it's gone on for so long and hasn't been a shift with that so I felt like I need to kind of draw a boundary and kind of separate myself from her so my question is before I get to the question I just want to reiterate that the love that shared really is it really does feel very pure in child life and beautiful and divine so my question is what about all this other stuff and where do I how do I draw that whole idea to draw the boundary I guess I'm reactivating the past and thinking like did I do the right thing did I not do the right thing like I go outside right now and call her and say sorry let's be together again all this stuff all these what ifs like what if it's just a dark phase she's bringing up all these past traumas in order to release it it's like we can like move on it's all these what ifs so my question is where can we decipher the sandwich between something that's just being projected onto us and deciding I don't need that in my life versus it's all part of it there is none else besides him anyway so I maybe I need to deal with I need to be in this ocean with this person and all the stuff that she's gone through because I haven't gone through she has it's been projected onto me so do I need to take a look at it too or not so it's kind of been I think because of our deep connection it's kind of gotten muddy for me what do I need to look at do I not need to look at it's such a beautiful question because I think we both can speak to that in terms of almost like you could almost call it like the evolution of the construct of relationship because there seems to be like an evolution and a purification that you're aware of that's going on that you're part of a much bigger purification and there's like an evolution but even within the context of relationships there are certain time out context where it's like time out here we need to pause we need to step back where there can be even aspects of the relationship that are guided in certain ways because we both have experienced that through our relationship and through relationships there's a time for stepping back there's like an ebb and flow it's like with the tides there's an ebb and flow when the ebb is coming in you have to really go with the ebb when the flow comes in like the tides you could feel it like something very deep and you go with that and always such open communication of just sharing the thoughts like this isn't personal it's nothing you've said or done it's just this strong feeling coming up and I have to be true to this feeling we've seen those nuances throughout our relationship and also through different relationships and and um I guess we could kind of speak to that I know you feel the same thing you've been through the same thing with relationships and went through an actual marriage a legal marriage and there was so many lessons after all of this we were at the peace house and came from Canada and Kirsten was in the hot tub meditating in the hot tub and Jason hopped in the hot tub with her and Kirsten heard he's got a ring she heard the Holy Spirit say in her mind he's got a ring and he's going to give you a ring he's going to propose so imagine the Holy Spirit like saying here's what's coming next in terms of a ring and then he wasn't playing with it I had the ring from our relationship but I'd moved it onto my other finger which everyone is not married in this culture I think it's the right so it was then on my right hand and it had been there for probably a year and then when we were in the hot tub and Jason took the ring and he was and I heard he's going to put it on my other hand like symbolically to propose so he was playing with it and then he was playing with it for the longest time and I'm like maybe I should just tell him what to do do your thing what you do do quickly but yeah in my experience there has to be that feeling of purpose and that you can feel there's a healing value and a purpose and we're both in it together and when that's there even if there's trauma, projection darkness whatever you can feel in your heart like this is definitely what we're both to be doing together and there's aspects of the relationship that are really like the healing and also I would say in every relationship that's serving the Holy Spirit's purpose there's also going to be extension there's going to be some shining of the light together and that's really important because when you have that in a relationship then you get to witness to each other who you really are and the potential that you have and that continues to support you to remember who each other are and then comes up you've got a reference point of truth so if you come into phases where it feels like you've done all of this work and it's another loop and it feels like a repeat and it's like there's no healing value and I can't give my heart to it or there's not any juice in it it starts to feel old it starts to feel like well this is actually distracting me from being able to really be fully helpful and of service then it could be that it's helpful to just kind of step away from some part of it to be able to be clear again to come back so that's been my experience on it and what I found with yeah like in each of these relationship assignments I've had the focus has always been on that we have a purpose together we have a mission we have a purpose and then within that all the healing will come up but it's like the two of you are aligned and then you're alongside each other and then whatever comes up within your relationship you can handle it when the focus starts to go like that it's a very different experience it goes from being this vertical alignment with healing to horizontal or personal and when it starts to get about trying to fix each other help each other the projection is really personal interpersonal and yeah it's impossible so sometimes it is like let's step back and get back into remembering what this is for yeah in the book The Prophet he talks about marriage he talks about pillars of the temple you know they need to have some space between the pillars the pillars are too close that's not going to be the strength to hold the structure there needs to be a spacing any architect knows there has to be spacing and the way I interpret that is if you're in a relationship serving the Holy Spirit and serving God and serving spirit this sense of joy this glee this sense of freedom this sense of spaciousness not a sense of suffocation not a sense of clinginess we know how the ego feels where there is like a sense of dependency like I need you I can't live without you that's why we have these movies like fatal attraction or we have these crazy triangle movies where it's like bizarre it turns from special love intense attraction and dependency into special hate when close or something you know but we've learned enough from those things that there has to be a sense of spaciousness and so to me what is that spaciousness but oh I am responsible for what I see I choose the feelings experience and I decide upon the goal I will achieve and everything that seems to happen to me I ask for and receive as I have asked it's like total 100% responsibility for state of mind now that's going to generate some love and some spaciousness and then as Kirsten is saying there has to be this kind of almost like a collaboration vibe and energy where we're here to serve the light we're here to shine our light now think of that in terms of a relationship if all of us have perceived interpersonal relationships that were co-dependent angry fighting conflict projecting even what would be perceived as emotional physical violence we've got plenty of evidence like that now how important is it to have a witness of something that's not any of that that's gentle that's kind that's respectful that's loving where there's high communication deep communication how precious that is and even to be called Jesus says it's not that you are to be without your specialness it's that you have to let the Holy Spirit use it as a witness and an example so the goal of the course is taking us towards peace of mind but Jesus is like saying the context of relationships is listen don't think you're just going to wiggle your nose or click your fingers or click your heels I'm not a body I'm free I'm still as God created me and Zappo you know there are very very very rare experiences like Eckhart Tolle's experience on the park bench where there's a very short element of what seems to be time there's a radical transformation of consciousness and then comes out of it he was so disoriented he basically couldn't function he was so altering mind altering and then took him a long time to kind of adapt and adjust before he could even speak those are very rare and what we're speaking about is coming back to that feeling of how are we being used together and how can we serve together and even how can skills and abilities be used in a like a complimentary way to be a witness for a love that's not of this world and there's a feeling with that there's a feeling that's necessarily I don't think Kirsten and I we never had any discussion in those years about boundaries there was no setting of boundaries but it was always about guidance like prayerfully joining together what do you feel what are you feeling now what do you think taking a trip feeling oh it might be time to turn off the highway you know when your heart is so open then it's like you're not trying to lead or follow a partner you're just saying wow let's tune in together and let's be very intuitive with our decisions so let's let the spirit show us make it obvious make the way let us feel it let us give us signs and symbols make it so obvious that we can't mess it up and we had there was just a lot of those some of them are in the book and there's just many that aren't where it was such a devotion to be used by spirit and then you show the way and we pray through things there was a lot of kind of I mean Kirsten came in to the United States on a an esta visa which some of you know it's like if you come from another country with the United States has that agreement it's a three month 90 day visa and so she came over to answer the call to help me out at the peace house but then all of a sudden it started to get deeper like there was a deeper purpose but then the 90 days were up pretty quick and then off we were I think South America Argentina and so on and so forth so that was one big thing where we had to be very prayerful on and we really didn't know what was going to happen when we came back I think that's in your book where you she has an encounter with the immigration officer or whatever and she's not sure but she's gleefully sharing all of her miracles with the immigration officer and I asked if he could extend my visa waiver and he said no you can't but it's not a visa so you can't extend it and then he said what are you doing so I told him all about it and I said I'm serving God and I had a head injury and I'm healing and I'm so happy and I just want to keep like healing traveling around and practicing forgiveness and he said oh wow I can't extend it but I can give you another one and then there was another time when I'm just like a family mystic but the church symbol came in just to be used for what's called an R1 visa which is a religious visa and interestingly enough there's a whole miraculous story of even how she got that but that was for our non-profit foundation for the Awakening Mind so it's a religious visa for a non-profit foundation for the Awakening Mind and it miraculously came through but then after two and a half years it was declined or not renewed but that turned into another great opportunity for deepening trust because there were so many miracles that flooded in that made it obvious for Kirsten that she was to leave the United States and that she was perfectly cared for and she had a huge calling and a huge mission to extend and everything was perfectly orchestrated even when she seemed to have to leave the country so those things are all like telltale signs of a deepening devotion and a purpose and then it starts to get clear in the mind when you start to feel that that wow I have a huge calling and a huge purpose and your prayer is like you're in charge, what will serve I'll do whatever whatever serves and that's when like for me the travels there's been translators I've gone to a lot of countries where I don't speak the language the Spirit sends translators or travel partners and all kinds of things that help support the extension of love and the joy and the happiness but they're all seen in that way it's all being orchestrated by Spirit to serve a higher call and that's so different from kind of the interpersonal way where there could be a lot of second guessing and doubts and should I have done more of this or could I have been more kind and could I have been more loving hypotheticals, ego will really come in hard with those and then the mind can really start spinning when it gets hit with all these hypotheticals could have would have should have wow that's talk about bringing the mind down it's just like heavy weight that just sinks the mind deeper but the more dedicated you are on purpose and the more the dedication is so strong it's almost like you develop true prayer yeah and the mind is either extending or developing they are the only two kind of actions or activities of mind so when you're serving the Spirit there's an extension and when there isn't that service then the mind will be projecting and when there's interpersonal relationship then that's where a lot of the projection happens so it's yeah that's often what then the prayer just immediately can come to what's the guidance then because the guidance will always you know you can serve something higher than the Self I mean there are times where there's some deeper healing taking place but yeah in my experience it's always been but you know it's something you want to dive into you know in the moment and yet like you were sharing there's still such a responsibility that needs to be there otherwise there is no healing like if there's projection there's no healing because part of the mind is still wanting to just not take responsibility and say the problem's out there and there's not you can't do that for someone else you can't possibly take responsibility or heal someone else so sometimes the most you can do is say I love you I need to step away you know to even allow the spaciousness to be seen it's almost like the spirits wanting to paint this beautiful picture and make this amazing expression of love and what you have to do is be so open to let the supporting cast be sent in by JC Central by Spirit I basically traveled around the United States and Canada from like 1991 till probably about 2002 and then the international travels beyond Canada and the United States came with very strong symbols where like four business class airline tickets being donated that was like okay and so suddenly I had three travel partners along with me with all expenses paid you know it was like dropped into my lap I didn't even I didn't even have a passport at that point I was so unconcerned Americans didn't need a passport to go to Canada I wasn't thinking overseas travel I had not even a thought in my mind didn't have any wish list or vision boards or anything I was just happily and content in the moment and then three travel mates and everything first class and everything paid to Argentina well that was like it was like I was being sent to Argentina I don't speak Spanish but the three that went with me spoke a little bit of Spanish and everything was paid for and then I was like wow and my one friend the rest of it was like you got a major problem and I said what is it don't speak Spanish and they don't speak English that was her direct you got a major problem I said somehow I don't think it's going to be a problem and when I went there it wasn't arranged by me but 14 translators showed up for two weeks of gatherings and even when the translators would get stuck on something then people would call out from the audience it was like a group translation it was like a Pentecost speaking in tongues and all kinds of things happening and I was just like blown away because I was so out of my element you know I've never been to Argentina that was going way beyond the element of anything that David knows and the spirit paid for a they call it a business class an executive class and it was amazing and then all the travels Kirsten and I have traveled we've had translators show up we've had travel companions we've had mighty companion angels like Zach inviting us here to the house and your community inviting us in those things happened a lot which is a lot of support it's a lot different than staying at Marriott and Holiday Inn and dealing with that then going in a loving environment where we love you you're part of our family I know there were teachers that burned out and felt like they went half crazy by going around and doing the hopping from hotel to hotel and bar to bar and Ego's just like waiting I'll get you oh you're going to speak for God well let me see I'll throw some temptations at you and I'll think you're going faster than you think Ego's like you don't know what you're dealing with well because even David Hawkins who did remember the Keith Kinesiology and everything he would rate like books of authors with channel spirit and the book would be rated like a 7 or an 8 and the author the scribe would be rated a 7 and 8 but then the book would get popular the author would get paid the author got famous the author got patted down to like a 3 the book is still at 7 but the Ego got a hold of the scribe the author with all the trappings of the world and just they'll just knock you back down you're not going to God at all it's that sneaky and it's that strong so what we experienced was we were hosted translators also I noticed the phenomenon starting back around 1992 is the spirit would send me travel companions that were singer songwriters imagine yourself going out and speaking these ideas around the country and then just when you think this is great you get sent a travel companion who's a singer songwriter who receives song from the spirit brings the guitar along starts singing and the whole group starts swaying and everyone drops into deeper meditations faster and your heart's opening and this is just a travel companion and it just happens to be a talent almost like a singer songwriter with a Joan Baez kind of voice with amazing capabilities who's hearing Jesus and receiving lyrics from Jesus with a Joan Baez voice okay I can see you're going to be directing my partnerships or my travel companions my translators my everything else you see how that starts to take it in a different trajectory because the spirit can do more for you than you can do for yourself or by yourself if it's for the whole so that was back in 1992 and I can't even count how many there was Donna Mercury there was Helena you with all these resta I could just go through and Ricky that's five Eric that's six six but this off the top of our head six amazing singer songwriters oh and over in Europe amazing cost Marie Marie is another one Maria she just came along with the whole under a trait oh yeah she's wanting to travel too but yeah that's like seven or eight you know they keep coming in because why because you're stronger together than apart many hands make for like work you know to have a singer songwriter with amazing skills and then incursion herself through prayer and devotion learning the guitar receiving songs publishing albums all of that came as well and on tour and this is from somebody who didn't play the guitar yeah she was surprised that the spirits said oh we're going to turn you into one of these things I've got four in mind now I've called them the fed four I want to bring four friends of mine Kirsten being one who sing and play the guitar and I think they should all come together and form a band with these fed four all women this time like Ghostbusters let's do let's redo and flip it around but you can see from under that you can see where this is going like if you really are sincere in your devotion that the spirit will send to you things that are complimentary so there has to be that kind of complimentary wow we're doing this for the good of everyone that's kind of a feel that comes in and if that feel comes in then that's a way of being sure that it's really inspired by the spirit and there's no second guessing with that I mean it's so obvious like it just lands I think the tricky thing for me is that that's there but it's in addition to all these other things as well and that's what's contributing me out Are you very careful with it? Question kind of how did differentiate between guided vision and fantasy because recently I experienced some pretty powerful breath work that I was receiving visions and I was not willing them to come through so I could just answer my own questions but then I came to the physical plane when I came out of my meditation and I'm so excited to like okay I already see what's unraveling here and I'm like excited to act on it and inspired but not all the pieces of that vision are maybe the same thing or and that makes me wonder if I just like fantasized and like created it but maybe unknowingly and just how to discern our own personal desire versus the desired inspired will from the divine Yeah I think so the tricky part that can sometimes come in is the thing of timing because a lot of times we will have felt something or felt it pretty strong and then it doesn't seem to come to pass and then it's almost forgotten and then one day we're just looking at each other and go oh my god this is it you know where it shows you don't really have a really strong investment in it but then you do still recognize it it's not completely forgotten and so we I think the more relaxed you get and the more in the flow of it then you become more intuitive and more telepathic and then we would even have people come to our community and we would feel that Jesus and Holy Spirit was doing matchmaking in fact they would come together when one would come and the other would start coming we'd go oh here we go like strong willed strong willed and proud and analytic and so on and so forth and then we'd see another one coming in like a missile we said that is a tough nut but ooh that is that's gonna crack that nut right away and we can intuitively feel that happening so we're just like all sitting there it's like an adventure watching the cats now watching the spirit use relationships to crack open the ego to open the heart it's all for a greater purpose even the Beatles coming together they were just four kids from Liverpool and who knew they certainly didn't know I don't think they had a clue for some years and all of a sudden it was this oh my gosh it was huge and so we feel that we feel that with our animals our pets we feel that with people we can kind of intuitively and we pray so we have sometimes strong feelings of certain things that are gonna unfold and happen in particular countries or particular places you know it's like we start to have a strong feel but we're so communicative we're always talking, praying so open that really helps make it more obvious because then you start getting the witnesses around like huh I was just this look and we start like are you thinking what I'm thinking if we don't even have to have a big discussion about it because it's like you know we could feel things happening so in one sense you know it does take patience when something comes in really strong but the pieces don't quite seem to be in place and you don't even have an idea could get in that place and then you kind of like don't hang on to like an investment with it but then a lot of things will come around like it's almost like a prophecy. So having no attachment to them but still wanting to be a vessel that can help facilitate that calling that's coming through very strongly yes that combination of wanting to be used that strongly and that lack of investment and the outcome I think those are two really important things Yes I just wanted to comment I think what it's the voice because of the work I do I think it's the voice the voice of spirit for me is very calm and very matter of fact there's no emotion there's no frills to it the voice of you know what I'm saying fantasy there seems to be more of a feeling of emotion and you feel it more do you what I'm saying my experience is it's very it's just very simple it's a very simple voice that's my Simple and matter of fact Exactly There's this there's this free this is the truth I have been writing a book and I've got blocked and so I don't know on my Facebook I look at all the things about writing and all of a sudden this thing came into my Facebook and it was this free one day thing I could go to right here by Santa Monica and be with this gentleman he's tap your writing genius his name is William White Cloud he's from Australia South Africa but he lived in Australia so I go there it was two days so I go there first day I'm loving it oh this is exciting this is perfect for me then you get to the second day when they tell you it's going to cost you $5,000 yeah so when they said that at the break at lunchtime I just took my stuff and I left this is emotion so what she said I did it emotional so I emotionally say I can't stay here any longer it's noon time and it's supposed to go till 6 and so I pick up my things I think and I get in my car and I go all the way back to Orange County I don't have my cell phone I am so mad at myself so I go back to I drive all the way back there and I go in this room you guys and this is the spirit I go in this room and I walk in this room just like I'd be walking in here with you guys turn around and they just started clapping we are so glad that you came back we are so glad that you left your cell phone where are you going you know it was like the Holy Spirit was speaking to me where are you going Charlotte I just brought you to the place where this gentleman talked to you like reality was really being talked to me when you tap your unsuspected inner resources drink you're going to tap the genius writer and then you'll unblock yourself so I'm all happy about that but no no I'm happy about being $5,000 you know to go to this little seminar thing but you know what when I went back in that room you guys that was the miracle part of it that was the tapping of the Holy Spirit and they said we saved your seat and your phone's right here come and sit back down and then from that process to the end of the day was exactly what I needed to unblock myself from the not writing anymore so if you're writing it's not emotion see I got all emotional jumped up and ran out of there I can't do this you know and then back the Holy Spirit spoke to me again and said this is where I asked you to go get your butt back over here that's a good you can't mess it up you can't mess it up story you're always at the right place at the right place we've had a lot of those too we've had a lot it's very obvious that becomes your prayer make it obvious show me make it obvious you start to say oh that's a good prayer you say what happened here today and I just realized I was asking Kristen I was telling her I'm getting ready and I feel like I'm fascinated from the people where I live and she closed her eyes and I said are you getting it and she said I just get it but you can't do it alone I walk out here I meet this woman who is doing the side of the retreat at the end of the month with me and doing the same exact event and it's like you can't do it alone come out here here she is we both come here and we're both doing the same it's like that is answer to prayer that's Holy Spirit it was so obvious I couldn't even see it right away and I thought oh my god she's the one that's here so I don't have to do it alone I'm so beautiful incredible it's beautiful thank you for sharing that that's it it's kind of an idea that if something is meant to happen nothing can prevent it from happening and if something is not meant to happen nothing can make it happen you know there's something that gets very light in us when we're going whoa you mean and that's what the Course says it's actually in the workbook Jesus says what happens is what I desire and what does not occur is what I do not want to happen that's spectacular that just is total 100% responsibility there's no room for blame there's no room for there's no chance there's no luck there's no hypotheticals it's so restful when you hear that and your heart just goes oh size and then when you start to see these obvious signs like you two coming together it's obvious and rapid answer to prayer rapid answer to the question then you go can I have my whole life be like that thank you very much and the spirit's like it's what I'm doing that's what I'm doing that's my point is to make everything that crystal clear that obvious the prayer is always like for both it's all I kept hearing not to do it alone I was almost going to say the words pray for a mighty companion to do this with you the words wouldn't come out and then I was sitting outside and I looked and saw you two talking it happened and then I joined with Alexa outside and she was saying can we just pray are you hearing anything from me and I was like Rita you have an assignment this is it it's like all the spirit matchmaking in a way heart exchange numbers and it is it's such a gift because you're both like really going for it wanting to stay really focused and take all these steps for unwinding and undoing and it's such a gift for both it doesn't matter which one to be doing the unwinding or supporting the unwinding it's strengthening the truth for both so it's always such a gift a mutual gift to receive the help I have a goal every day I spend a whole day with talks about the world she doesn't talk about it I feel like I just I'm holding the space she's showing me something the power of prayer is whenever anyone's talking to you it's really the prayer of the heart is what is this co-worker really asking for because it's not what the surface is going on but it's what's underneath there because whatever we say to a brother or to a sister it's what we most need to hear it's as if there's two bodies but it's actually the mind when it's in that prayer I want to be truly helpful then whatever is spoken is what you need to hear and then as you find as you allow yourself to be spoken through more that's a beautiful phase of trusting and letting go and then there can be times when you go and have a gathering and you hear certain things we would go to these gatherings and people would ask questions and I did most of the talk and Kirsten was there traveling with me we had the rings on we're there and I did most of the talk and then after some of those gatherings the ego flared up a little bit like what do you think I am a handbag an accessory an accessory you put the rings on an accessory to travel with so at one point when she exposed that to me I said oh you can lead the gathering tomorrow and she was oh I can't speak but then there came points of again going back to Jesus and working it through in the mind where there came a point where we did a gathering and was it everything that I spoke the night before I received a download for two hours because I went in prayer to see what was going on why I felt so much competition I didn't even know it was competition but that's what was coming up pride and competition wanting to be the one speaking and and then I see that and I just popped and then I just received this beautiful download from the Spirit for like two hours that night in the wee hours of the morning and then at the very next gathering David opened his mouth and the whole talk that I'd heard came out of his mouth and it was a beautiful demonstration but it's like the Spirit it doesn't matter which body it is it's like the message of the Spirit wants to come through in the most beneficial way in the best use of time in the clearest channel very clearly, not a clear channel coming through all kinds of healing at that time and it's beautiful for the co-workers just it's more of just it's an opportunity for prayer and it's just like is there something that I'm to to extend to be helpful or not sometimes so many times we can be beautiful listeners we can smile we can give a hug and there's so many things that are even non-verbal that are like the best the most that can come through but just this practice at really being a prayer I'm here to be truly helpful from the beginning of the course and then to get into that so it becomes like your habit miraculous habit I'm here to serve and you let go of the preconceptions but you'll be sent people where the ego will try to want to interpret something on the surface like they're talking about the world I don't want to hear about the world but is there anything I'm to say or do you also have lots of things happening in your dreamscape which could shift a lot of things around pretty quickly and you're just trying to stay very attentive and open to those promptings and that's where your mind needs to be focused there's no need to analyze anything you don't need to is that an album right? well we're winding down is there any final thing anybody wants to share? my husband is not into the purpose that we're talking about here so am I just being disillusioned to think that I can heal myself or I shouldn't even say it that way but use that relationship for healing as long as one person sees it as a holy relationship and it is a holy relationship is that true? well I think we have been talking about purpose and shared purpose I would say as purpose becomes more clear to you and more important it does get more obvious as well everything starts to feel more and more obvious so I think that's been your prayer opening in purpose that is where the focus belongs and then for myself the deeper I went into that the more I was praying before I'd go through every doorway and just praying to be aligned and everything then everything became more obvious and I wasn't willing to compromise the purpose I started to really let go of trying to please people or do things that looked acceptable like the Beatles you know they kept going and going and the more they went into their purpose I think the more they didn't fit into boxes I don't think they fit in very well at the beginning but the further it went if there's more of a sense like oh I'm not so concerned about how this looks or what people I want to be happy and so I think that is a thing like we've had that in our community and with different ones and it's interesting your namesake in our community actually was married and quite a few years ago was starting to come to turning points where she was saying well I like this about him and he's this and he's this and he's this and he's this and this and then I think Jason was with me we were sitting with her by the river and Jason asked her something like does does he help you with your mind training and then there was a second question too about what does he support you does he support you in your mind training or purpose and you start to run your thoughts through that not just with a partner but you start to run through your daily life like are there aspects of my life or my partner is it very supportive and conducing and it's helping me nurturing me on the direction that I'm going because I remember I was raised in Christianity and I remember reading some stuff from Jesus from the Bible father will be turned against son and mother turned against daughter for my namesake and I was like where is that coming from in this net I started to realize what Jesus was talking about was that there was a vibration some are reflections of our desire to wake up and some are reflections of our desire to stay asleep and the sleeping reflections are going to be the naysayers doubting, questioning always like throwing obstacles is this what you really want I don't know what you're doing that for well that seems like a waste of time they want your money how much is this going to run you it's like after a while we should have like a way of coding that like a certain color like when the comment comes then all of a sudden they have an aura and they turn a certain color green or something and all your ears go green but we have to become more discerning about that and then there are those that are very loving and accepting and supporting and we could say just about anything they go aww no matter what we say aww so they could be color coded in another way very purple we're all thinking the same we got a purple one here thank you but we do get better at that and there definitely is a difference in purpose the ego and the spirit don't have a meeting point the ego always speaks first it's judgments, it's criticisms and doubts and so on and so forth and the spirit is very much like you were saying it's very matter of fact it's very simple, it's very clear it waits for the ego to say its thing and then it just comes in with this soft clear, direct simple thing so to me that's what discernment is I think that's if you could work on one thing in your life getting clear and clear on that discernment and then acting and moving forward with that discernment but I first have to heal any hidden desires to be supported by the world rather than the spirit because I'm calling in witnesses to any beliefs that I have rather than just saying well if you don't align so bye, I'm leaving because I still have that unhealed part of me that I actually have to address because in honesty what is this showing me that I would choose him or even if the spirit would say go marry him ask him to marry you because I asked definitely someone who wasn't spiritually inclined and I knew that so I must have a desire to delay it that I would marry somebody like that but I am learning a lot about myself because he irritates the heck out of me just to relate to him you're enjoying this book I'm reading it very slowly and I know how does this apply how can I use this just carry on just keep the vertical going it's the simplest keep the purpose foremost and it'll unfold as it's supposed to thank you so much for inviting us it's like here we are back in the family it was fun for me coming here because Kirsten and Jeffrey were coming here and I had a wonderful experience and I said you guys are such a treat I love this you're going to so enjoy this and yeah I think you came but then when it's mystical experience and she called me and I said I don't know we have a tour coming up I'm overwhelmed I have to decide something I'm going to pack somebody else packed I have no idea how many days how many clothes does that mean what kind of clothes I don't know then the day before coming here I went and she was kind of curled up on the bed and there was James over there and then there was the suitcase and they were both kind of looking at the suitcase and it was packed pretty high but that was a product of a lot of stuff we needed to get to the chested pack so I said I'm open to coming out there nobody has to twist my arm to get me out here to penge a canyon into California so yeah it was very spontaneous and then Diana who had been helping organize she said I felt it I felt it again as the telepathy it was in the script and it just kind of seemed to come in I was just after being in Europe I was just kind of resting for a while but I'm so glad I came so all the standards swimming down there inviting me down there yeah maybe yeah it's fun I have on Facebook all the ways of staying in contact everybody should join here if they don't know it's all the rage it's all the rage it is yeah thank you first of thank you I always like to say too that I feel like everyone I meet I feel like we're on this life long so we are life long friends along the way happily holding hands skipping along opening to the light and loving every bit of it so that's very much in line with what the book's about that's how the book kind of ends like it's this thing that this love goes on and on and on and on and the parables are just kind of a little pointer like the master pointing at the moon you know it's like the book's just saying it's a thing, it's rare, it's real yeah that's the last four words the end, the beginning wow I like that it is and first it's got a song on one of her albums called Quantum Love if you ever get a chance she just got a download of all the lyrics but it's really everything we've been talking about today it cannot be contained it's all we wanted it's who we are it's all we wanted so I know everything I told Chris I feel like I know everything about you I feel like you're already my sister this is for some reason not but I have this little virtual life a virtual life a virtual life