 Here are five patterns that can mess up your relationships. Number one, checking off the boxes. When you're trying to decide who to swipe left or right on, does your inner monologue happen to sound like this? He doesn't seem to have a sense of humor. Yikes, swipe left or she's cute and I like that she has a dog or ew, look at his teeth, no thanks. When it comes to dating, we all have our must haves and our deal breakers. Knowing what you want and having standards is perfectly healthy. You don't wanna get into a toxic relationship or end up with someone who doesn't suit you. What could be wrong with making sure a potential partner checks off all of the boxes? Well, although your must haves and deal breakers help you figure out where to draw your boundaries and what you need, checking off the boxes can be self-sabotage to a relationship when you get too rigid. When you finally get your dream relationship, what do you think is gonna happen? Are you picturing the bad days as well as the good? Do you see yourself with someone who disagrees with you from time to time or do you think couples goals involves being in constant sync with each other? The reality is that a relationship involves two separate people, not you and a clone who always does things the way you want them to. Number two, making it all about you. Think about your past relationships or maybe the last fights you had in your current relationship. Take a look at the following scenarios and see if you recognize your own behavior in them. Most, if not all of your time with your partner is spent doing things that you like. You go out of your way to make sure that you are the one who ends every argument. You manipulate all arguments to make sure your partner is the one who apologizes first, even if you were in the wrong. You use guilt or ultimatums to get your way. No situation is completely black and white, but it might be time to honestly evaluate your relationships if anything in that list sounds like you. Making too many demands can have your partner question the relationship, make them feel bad about it or feel bad about themselves. They might also just get fed up and leave, constantly demanding your way chips away at the relationship over time. Research has shown that people who are self-centered tend to experience temporary happiness from material and external things. But less authentic happiness overall. Not only can selfishness make you unhappy, but it can also make you less attractive to potential partners. Number three, making it all about them. Did you know that you can be too selfless in your relationship? Do you recognize yourself and your behaviors in any of these following scenarios? You have no problem eating cheap ramen meals for two months so that you can buy your significant other the game they've been wanting. When they ask what you want, however, you have no idea what to tell them. You happen to apologize for everything that makes your partner unhappy, even if it had nothing to do with you. No matter what they need, you're there for your partner. They need help changing a tire at 3 a.m., you'll be right there. They need someone to listen and hold them close after a rough day, you're instantly there to comfort them. If you're trying to be everything for your partner, you're probably exhausted, low on funds and your mental health has probably also taken a hit. Researchers have found that codependency or a relationship style that involves completely sacrificing your needs for the happiness of another person is strongly associated with anxiety and depression. This type of relationship isn't sustainable for you or your overall health. Number four, allowing your ex to influence you. Let's play a quick word association game. Ready? The word is X. What was the first word or phrase that came to your mind? Was it gold digger, evil troll, the one that got away, great person, bad timing? Now think of every relationship you've had since that X. How did your ex shape your future relationships? Did you go out of your way to find someone like them? Or did you do a complete 180 and found someone who's entirely different? Or maybe that X caused you to avoid relationships altogether for a long time. And you might have kept ties to your ex for a variety of reasons. Sometimes you have children together and need to co-parent. Or maybe your ex started out as a coworker or a part of a larger friend group. Perhaps the relationship stands out because it was your first relationship or your most toxic relationship. Maybe you feel guilty or have a ton of questions about how it ended. Whatever the case, allowing your ex to rent too much space in your head may be keeping you from finding a healthy long-term relationship. If you find that you compare everyone you date to your ex or that you're avoiding making your current relationship exclusive because you're waiting for your ex to call, then those are some signs that you haven't quite moved on. When you're stuck thinking about the past, you're less satisfied with your current relationships and friendships, leading you to put less effort into those relationships. And number five, overlooking red flags. All relationships involve give and take. Part of the process is understanding when you need to let something go and when you need to stand up for yourself. A red flag is an issue that is too big to make the relationship work. Where do your boundaries lie? Which issues would you excuse? Which issues would force you to show someone the door? Figuring out what is a minor issue and what will not work for you is only half of the battle. You then have to decide what you wanna do with the answers you get. Refusing to look at major lingering issues between you and your partner creates toxicity in the relationship. Did you notice any of these relationship patterns in your past or current relationships? Did this video open your eyes at all to the negative patterns that can pervade your relationships? Tell us about your experiences in the comments below. If you think this video helped you or you think it could help someone else, please like and share it. The studies and references used are listed in the description below. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button and notification bell icon for more Psych2Go videos. Thank you for watching and we'll see you next time.