 I'm often asked, why is the dating and relationship conversation always about men? Women ask me frequently, why is it that we women have to learn about men, and when men are not learning about women? I'm going to address that in a moment. In today's video, we're going to talk about the seven myths about men that women don't really know about. But I want to lean into this conversation, why is it always about men? And to some degree, there's truth to that, although I will tell you, there are plenty of videos out there for men to understand women, and more so, there are a lot of videos out there teaching men almost about hating women. I'm not really happy about that. Hating is a very strong word, but really, there's a level of contempt for both genders right now in the dating, mating, and relating realm. What I think is most important to recognize today, more so, is the idea of marriage has actually, when I say the idea of the marriage, the actual institution of marriage has dropped significantly in the last 50 or 60 years, and what I mean is the desire to be mated with one person for life or for a very long time. And I think that's part of the reason why this conversation is so important to understand men, because there's a phrase that says, women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment, and what I mean to say is, men are the one who typically make the overture of saying, I want to take care of you for the rest of your life. So that is the highest form of commitment to say, I want to take care of you. I want to be partnered with you, and we've done that in the context of marriage. And since men tend to be the gatekeepers of that, when I mean they're the ones who initiate that, there has been a huge shift in the last 50 or 60 years in the process of getting to know someone, because in the past, there was courtship, and what basically courtship was was an intentional act to basically, I'm going to say claim someone, and I don't mean that in the property sense, but to basically say, I want you to be my mate. And today, courting has been replaced with dating. And what I mean by dating is now, they're basically, unlike the past, where before you had sex, you had to get married for the most part, not always, but for the most part. And now you can have sex without any real level of commitment, a barely a level of commitment. And certainly in the last decade, dating has turned into a hookup type of opportunity without any intentionality. So it's really important to understand this that if you genuinely want to be mated with someone, your way of approaching the process should be a lot different. And I think it's important to understand men in particular, because they're the, as I said, the gatekeepers of commitment, you're the gatekeepers of sex. And what's interesting is sex is also part of the decision making process to make a commitment with someone. So on some level, it's kind of a backwards approach. And yet on another level, it's actually important to, to determine if you're actually sexual compatible with one another, because let's face a lot of people got married back in the day and they were not sexually compatible with one another. And there was a lot of contention in the relationship. In fact, oftentimes 50% of divorces cite intimacy, both sexual and emotional intimacy as the primary reason why they got a divorce. So I want to lean into these seven myths about men that I think needs to be addressed because I think many women approach the dating process with these in the back of their mind. And I think it sets you up for failure. And I think when you actually understand it, you can approach the process differently. And in a few moments, I'll talk about how you can approach the process differently. So I'm going to put on my trusty glasses. I'm going to pull out my trusty notes, boom, boom, boom. All right. So seven myths about men you don't know. Myth number one, men are hunters. What I mean about this particular myth, the myth is how, okay, let's just say that men are hunters. In other words, they went out to the plains, they went out to the fields, they hunted buffalo, they hunted dinosaur, whatever they had to catch, whether in cave mandays or certainly before electricity. For the most part, we had to hunt for our food and men were the predominant hunters of food. Women were the berry pickers. They picked the berries in the field and that's where the nourishment came from. And there's this belief that men are singularly focused because they're tracking their prey, right? And somehow this has been applied to the relationship realm. Well, I don't really see how hunting for food relates in the same context of hunting for a relationship because the myth is that men are hunting a fully committed relationship. They're like, I want a relationship. I want a relationship. I want a relationship. What men are hunting? Well, on some level, biologically speaking, we are hunting sacks. I mean, we are driven biology to want to spread our seed. But somehow this narrative of spreading their seed has been translated to them hunting for a relationship, which means they should be the leaders of the dating process. And I'm here to say, ladies, you're giving the job to the wrong person. You do not want your relationship destiny in the hands of a man. You want to be in charge of your relationship destiny. This is why I continually recommend the book, excuse me, why men love bitches, excuse me, why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself, yes. You are in charge of your destiny. Don't leave that up to a man. So this notion that they're hunting relationship and that's why they should be the leaders of the process and my mind is nonsense, okay? So I just want you to understand that are they really hunting a relationship or do are they hunting the physical act of wanting to connect with you? And again, you're the gatekeepers of sacks. Okay, number two, men are only looking for supermodels. I hear this frequently and well, yes, a significant percentage of men, especially those in midlife are seeking someone younger. Doesn't necessarily mean they'll actually attract someone younger in their life. Just because they may want it doesn't mean they're going to attract it. Just because they may want a physically attractive person doesn't mean they're going to actually obtain that, okay? And by the way, ladies, you're just as caught up on Ryan Gosling and all Brad Pitt and that sort of thing as well. I mean, it may not be the ones you're interested in, but it's natural because of television, because of movies to maybe a desire someone like that, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to attract it. And ultimately, a significant number of relationships do occur these days when I say is that has nothing to do based on supermodel looks. I think what men want mostly, I think women as well, men just want to be with someone that they're attracted to, okay? Doesn't have to be a 10, doesn't have to be a supermodel, but it's a 10 to them. And so I just, I wanted to draw attention to this narrative because I just think it's, you know, again, yes, some men operate that way and some men have the financial resources to attract that, that's certainly possibility, or they have the physical attributes to attract someone who's a supermodel. The average guy doesn't. And while they might think about it, just like you think about being with a financially successful man, you might think about this, who can take care of you, we all have our fantasies, but doesn't necessarily relate to a reality is what I wanted to address. Number three, men love competition. There's this notion that you should be dating multiple people, women should be dating multiple men because we love the competition. I can tell you that's ludicrous and to the men that actually do like that, it's a conquest. Yes, some men like the competition, they will, if you're dating multiple men for them, it's the conquest to get you, but it doesn't necessarily mean to get into a relationship with you. This narrative that you, if you're dating multiple people, that will make the guy rise to the table. No, it won't. He might temporarily might want a conquest with you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's going to genuinely want to be with you long term. In fact, if a woman was dating multiple men, I'd say, go have at it, homie, don't play that game. Like to date one person at a time. And by the way, I'm assuming you'd like him to want to date one person at a time, so wouldn't it make sense that you date one person at a time? And I'm talking about, listen, remember we said courting seems to be a thing of the past? I want to really encourage intentional dating, a level of intentional dating these days. In other words, being, having get to know, basically in a short period of time, lay your cards on the table, be radically honest with someone, just to see if you're on the same page with one another. If there is a, if there's a strong connection between two people, then be radically honest, lay your cards on the table to see if you're a fit and then explore a relationship with one person to see if it makes sense to actually want to be together from a long term perspective. But nowadays, dating is mostly about let's just have fun. Let's live in the moment. Let's have fun. Live in the moment. How well does that really work out? Having fun and living the moment, if you've had multiple, multiple, multiple short live relationships. How does that wear on your heart? And I'm not a big proponent of that. So I encourage everyone to have a level of discernment in their dating process. This is what I teach in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link in the description below or in the first comment below. My job is to help you learn what questions to ask a man based on your personality to determine if he's actually going to be a good fit for you. That's my area of expertise. All right, check out the link below. All right, number four. What does it say here? Men know what they want. You know, it's interesting. I'm going to come back to my coaching from women reach out to me all the time saying I want your help, Jonathan. And I say frequently women act like they know what they want. They know what they want. They know what they want. They know what they want. And they go through my proprietary coaching program. And you know what happens every single time afterwards? I hear things like, Jonathan, why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I married the wrong guy? And they say, you're right. I didn't know what I want. Well, this is true of men as well. Most people at midlife, roughly 75% of singles at midlife are divorced. And after a divorce, it can be very confusing to actually determine how to actually choose a partner that's compatible with you. Because we hyper focus on attraction and not enough about compatibility. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I'm going to share this with everyone. Relationship iceberg, you can see this. It says above the waterline is, let's say, is attraction. And we focus on hyper focus on chemistry. But compatibility, you can see is below the waterline, shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity. And if you don't understand how to vet for that, whether you're a man or a woman, you will not know what you want. And so when they say men know what they want, most men don't really know what they want in the form of a mate. Because nobody educates us on this stuff. This isn't taught to us. I've had to learn this through 3,000 hours of personal development workshops, trainings, getting my neuro-linguistic certificate or programming certificate. I mean, things like that. To understand what a real successful relationship looks like, I highly recommend reading the book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. And why I recommend this is because if you don't understand the mechanics of a healthy, happy relationship, how can you actually be in a healthy, happy relationship? And I will tell you, women reach out to me all the time telling me, Jonathan, I'm introducing these books that you recommend to the man I'm dating, and it's actually helping build intimacy with one another. Intimacy, into me you see, you actually form a greater bond by talking about the mechanics versus how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Because people seem to be talking about the superficial things in dating and not the more core reasons of why are we doing this? And don't be afraid to be the one who speaks up. It's your life. It's not about the men. It is about you. So take charge of your destiny. Number five, men are commitment folks. Well, I want to address that. Roughly about, here, let me share with you my chart about the people actively dating these days. So you understand this, OK? Three types of people actively dating. There's the users, the spenders, and the growers. The users seek short-term game, love bombers, players, gold diggers, entitled, selfish people only caring about their needs. The spenders, they seek connection, companionship, coupling or sex, no direction, uncertainty, fearful, have a dysfunctional life. And then the growers and builders, they seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up with good relationship skills. They have their act together. By the way, this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion. Why I'm sharing this with you is, yeah, probably 80% are not capable. 80% of men are not capable of being in a healthy, happy relationship. This is why it's more important to understand who are the growers and the builders if that's what you want, because I'm going to tell you, women are just as dysfunctional as men. We have a significant percentage of women who are emotionally immature or have terrible relationship skills. This is why I highly recommend doing vetting before you actually start to engage in a relationship with someone. Number six, men are simple. Listen, I'm wearing my Batman t-shirt today. The reason why is if you know the backstory to Batman, I believe at age 12, Bruce Wayne lost both of his parents. They were murdered right in front of him. I created a lot of emotional trauma for him. A lot of emotional trauma. In fact, he became emotionally unavailable. He became an avoidant personality type. He had significant childhood wounds and traumas. Now, that's a big trauma. The reality is, is most men and women have experienced trauma in their life. Doesn't have to be as grand as that, but it could be micro traumas that affects how they operate in relationships. So this notion that men are simple, you just feed them, have sex with them, and let them watch TV is not accurate because human beings are ridiculously complicated. This is why I highly recommend reading the book, the Hoffman process. The Hoffman process so you can understand how childhood wounds and traumas affects one in adult life. Because Batman couldn't get close to anyone and a significant number of people are rather dysfunctional. Men are women alike that makes it very difficult for them to lean into a healthy, happy relationship. This is why I wrote my book, Let the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work. Again, the link's below. The idea is when we can actually form a healthy attachment with ourselves, we can actually attract a more viable partner in our lives and your intuition will be operating at a much higher pace than probably it currently is. And last but not least, men set the tone of the relationship. I hear this from women all the time. Men are the leaders of the relationship. And sure, why wouldn't you want to be? Why wouldn't a man want to be? Because then it's on his terms and not your terms. I'm here to say you are in charge of your destiny. You do not want to give that job to a man. This is why I continually recommend dating from the perspective of it's a two-lane street. You're both mutually getting to know one another. You set the tone for what you want in your life. How do you do that? With standards, with boundaries. And boundaries is simply saying what's OK and what's not OK for me. And standards now, oftentimes, standards have become something so ridiculously unattainable that to actually turn into the Jerry Seinfeld picky about everything. Standards are really more about the inner qualities of a person. Do they demonstrate a level of kindness? Do they demonstrate a level of compassion? Do they demonstrate a level of empathy? Are they an agreeable person? Are they a giver? Are they a receiver? Can they accept you for who you are? That's the tone you want from a man or a woman is when two people can operate as both givers and receivers. They are agreeable and they can accept one another. Then you have the makings of a healthy, happy relationship if two people are doing it simultaneously and not from the perspective that he's chasing you because that might be a short-term game for him. And I'm here to suggest the long game for you. So what's the benefit of knowing all this? Listen, it's about discernment. It's about understanding that the purpose of dating is a vetting process to decide if you want to be in relationships with someone. And the purpose of a relationship is a vetting process to decide if you want long-term. I'm here to suggest if you're going to engage in the process of dating that have a, listen, most dating coaches will tell you never have a goal. I'm here to say the exact opposite. You do have a goal. Is this person someone I want to invest in? Because ultimately, don't you want to be in a relationship of trust? And trust is, can I count on this person to care about my feelings and my best interests as much as I care about my own? Because these days, dating has just turned into a hookup sport. And I'm here to encourage more courting from a long-term perspective that actually leads to two people mating for a long period of time instead of the short run. And all my videos are designed for that. So I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Post a comment below. Share this video with your friends. Like this video, please subscribe to my channel. I'm here to encourage a more conscious, intentional way of dating instead of this apathetic way people are approaching the relationship process. And my goal is because the reason why I'm talking to women is because ladies, you have the capacity to get into our hearts. You actually do. And there are men that are thirsty for their hearts to be broken wide open. And you can actually facilitate that with just a little bit of guidance and a little bit of prodding, if you will, in a good way. I like to say you can inspire men to be better men. And that's why you're probably watching these videos because you have the capacity to do this. We weren't trained at this, but you actually can help us get there. And I learned everything I share is because I've been, I've learned everything from women, not from men. All right, I think that's enough. I think you get the gist of where I'm going. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic job of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye.