 Does it seem like relationships are disposable these days? Repeat that does it seem like people that enter into relationships find themselves being discarded? Rown away Used I mean that's what I'm noticing so often today with so many people that are entering into Relationships today that they have a short-lived experience And then all of a sudden someone might disappear or someone might end a relationship out of the blue for no reason at all And today I want to explore that deeper level of why this might be happening and what you can do to avoid Finding to yourself in this situation where you're with somebody who discards you or pulls away So the other day I was sharing with my girlfriend that a Message I got from someone on YouTube About being in a four month five month relationship and all of a sudden out of the blue This person just says I want out and while you know We have to respect people that don't want to invest more time in a relationship that doesn't serve them She thought it was kind of odd after he came on strong He said a professed all his love for this person how he saw a future with this person How he saw this grand life together and all of a sudden out of the blue he changes his mind And if you've ever experienced that I'm sure that feels like It feels like a betrayal In fact, that's what my girlfriend was sharing with me It feels like you're being betrayed on a promise but more importantly than discarded Like something disposable like disposable hand wipes like disposable dishes being disposed being discarded and That's really sad that we find ourselves in a position these days more than ever when I say these days Relationships have little or no Roots to them. They have little or very little investment in them and when I think back to 50 60 years ago certainly before birth control there was a big investment or a big consequence to Entering relationships someone if you had a visit if you had sex with them Because the consequence came nine months later And so it used to be if you wanted and I've said this on my videos before if men wanted to get laid They had to get married By the way, please forgive the terminology getting laid. I know for some of you that Bothers you But I use it just a little tongue-in-cheek In fact, many of you seem to be bothered by some of my my rhetoric and sometimes I say it purely for levity Or sometimes I say things to make a point But I want to come back to this There was an investment That the man had to make if he wanted to explore a relationship with someone in these days There's little or no investment in a relationship Other than maybe the agreement of monogamy and maybe the agreement of exclusivity, although these days It seems like people will spend three or four months together In relationship with one another being physically intimate and there's no clear sense if there's monogamy or exclusivity It's rather ambiguous So my channel my YouTube channel is for those of you who genuinely want Partnership in your life you want someone who wants to explore a partnership with you Instead of Cavalier Cavalier Lee exploring relationships and what I mean by Cavalier is there's a sense of intentionality There's a sense of intentionality and what I mean by intentionality is the person both people Have a desired goal in mind of what they want in their life This is where it gets tricky Because many people and ladies you're no different You don't know what you want and I say this because I have so many women coming to me for my private coaching By the way, there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me in the description They come to me and they go Jonathan. I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want relationship Then they go through my proprietary program and can you guess what they say every single time? After they've gone through this program They say things like why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I married or dated the wrong guy? Many of you don't know what you want. You think you know what you want from the 40,000 foot level, but I'm talking about Understanding what you want at a base level and for men they literally and I've said this before They're winging it winging it what they mean to say is Listen my demographics mostly is for people over 40 years old Men it used to be in their 20s and 30s used to be for us baby boomers or Gen Xers We had a desired goal to start a family with someone to to Be dating the potential mother of our children. So there was some level of intentionality Now if you're in your 40s 50s and 60s You're most likely divorced and in many cases many men after divorce Are less likely to want to enter in a relationship with someone because Maybe they got burned. Maybe they have a contentious relationship with their ex. Maybe they're fearful Losing their assets in a relationship. So there's not that level of intentionality Not for all men most men but not all men Add to that is just because someone is older doesn't make them and they might be Responsible in their life doesn't necessarily make them mature enough in relationship What I mean by mature enough is have the skills to actually enter into a relationship And what I mean to say is and if you're not familiar with this new By the way, there was this was a gift from one of you beautiful youtubers out there Once you see this chart says emotional maturity relationship skills I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues clinical issues Makes it different by the way, this is not a fact this an opinion and while I say 20% of the population is emotionally healthy And has relationship skills most everyone is dysfunctional Why is important to understand this because when people have clinical issues or dysfunctional They can't actually develop the deep roots of trust needed for a healthy happy relationship And a relationship needs deep roots of trust it needs deep roots and what I mean by trust trust isn't just you know Fidelity first is does this person have my best interest at hand? Does this person have my best interest at hand? It's interesting last night for most of you know Most of you know that I began a relationship about five months ago with someone it was long distance And we actually Decided to move in together she moved from Chicago to Los Angeles. We moved in together now Some people have said this is way too fast and it's gonna blow up on your face You know, they're they're critical of that many of you are very supportive, which I appreciate While I'm sharing this with you last night. She said something to me. I Totally touched my heart She knew prior to us moving in together the importance that I build a big a nest egg for the future for retirement and to invest a Significant amount of money each year to make that happen And she was very mindful of the the monies we've spent and the monies I've spent and the money She spent so far in this transition in our life And I really appreciated that she she had my best interest at hand And I've done the exact same thing for her I know that in her life this happens to be in them the financial area that she has a particular Desire to have in her bank account so she feels comfortable And we both seem to work in unison because we care about each other's best interest along with the fact that I Tend to be the one who wakes up early in the morning And so I make my coffee and she likes decaf and I put out her little pod for decaf and her little Spoon and her the cup that she likes to use Because I want to savor of that few extra 10 seconds. That's having your partner's best interest at hand. I think partly why I'm in this place to actually think this way it's because Be candid with you after I lost my son and many of you know I lost my my 19-year-old son Connor to an accident I Began doing a deep dive in what does it mean to love? What does it mean to love oneself? And by the way, it seems like I'm going off on a tangent, but trust me. I'm gonna bring this back loop When you lose someone you love you learn to appreciate life I think in a such a different way and most importantly to love on oneself Because ultimately nobody can discard you unless you discard yourself. This is why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work by the way again There's a link below to get a copy of my book. Why is this so important by the way? And I have the tools at the back of the book to allow oneself to To create a vaccination to the emotional chaos and let me tell you something The dating apps today the dating apps today has created emotional chaos These are the apps by the way, by the way, I no longer have my dating apps on my phone anymore I deleted those after our first month or so together. I didn't save them in a folder. I just deleted them but my point is Loving on oneself it's so important Because nobody can discard you when you are in your empowered self when you are in your self-reliance self-esteem confidence When you're in that space Even if someone chooses to end the relationship, it's a gift for you and Nobody can discard you unless you discard yourself and what I mean by discarding yourself is you've given your power away to another human being and Sadly women have a propensity to do this at least this is something I've noticed women have a propensity to give their power away to men So, how do we avoid These circumstances where you might have a short-lived relationship. By the way, if you have a Let me come back to relationships for a second. The definition of a relationship for each person might be uniquely different So in my particular case, I knew I wanted a relationship where we had to spend consistent time together doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that led to either moving in together or getting married. That is what a relationship meant to me Now why I'm saying why it's meant to me and remember I said earlier women say that they know what they want They know what they want, but you'll enter into the dating process. You'll enter into Exploring a relationship with someone and the reason why I'm hesitant to use the word explore Explore means that two people are on the same path of what their goal is if you're not Thinking of what it doesn't have to be the goal with that person But what you want in your life and then choosing someone who fits or can fit into that goal You have many of you as I said before and men particularly are winging it. Okay So some of you are in relationships are in long-distance relationship We were you barely see each other and you spend most of your time on the phone Well, what's the value of doing that if you don't have an end run and end goal at mind? This is why I recommend book after book after book. In fact, there's a book I've been reading lately and I know many of you may not want to get remarried But what's the point of investing 10 or 20 years with someone if you don't have deep roots together This is why I'm reading a book called making your second marriage a first-class success Why am I recommending this book is beacons? When you understand this book is a great gives great insight into how to choose someone the second go around So you don't find yourself in a position of being discarded And yet many of you are operating from the premise that chemistry equals relationship success chemistry equals relationships success The chemistry isn't just or by the way if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart another gift. I got It's important to wreck. So chemistry is a part of attraction But what's more important is shared values blendable lifestyle and emotional maturity and that compatibility so Been watching my girlfriend. I've been just start watching a show or she's watched it before called love at first sight Now I find it interesting because Something that they said the other night while I was watching is that they're literally Bypassing the dating process because when they choose each other they Decide whether or not they're gonna get married. So they're their dating is actually Not seeing each other but talking about each other From the premise of an end goal of getting married They that's the way they other than the you know Getting to know you period in the first couple, you know pod sessions and if you're not familiar with the show I definitely go check it out But in the first couple pod sessions with the person just getting to know you what do you do for a living? What do you like to do for fun? And then what happens as they decide to the person they're gonna pick they ask deeper deeper deeper questions with a goal in mind that goal is Do you want to get married now in this case these are younger people do you want to have children? So you've got if you're in midlife, you have to really understand. What is the goal you want? Listen, most of you it's okay if you all you want is companionship connection and sex. I'm not here to judge that I'm here to say though is you can find yourself being discarded by someone or they'll pull away Because you don't have any real Intentionality of what's the purpose of us doing this together other than maybe having a good time with one another And I got to tell you some most people guys and it's it's these days It's so easy for men to get sex for little or no investment other than paying for a couple dinners or whatnot and Then discard you because they're not operating from a place of intentionality now. Thankfully there are good men out there I'm gonna share with you ladies. There are a lot of good men out there Sometimes you reject a lot of the good men because they don't fit the mold of what you're looking for I do suspect that a lot of women reject really great guys because they don't fit the mold The ideal the fantasy the box that many of you have created And yet you all say you want a heart-centered man, but you want the heart-centered man who's rich and good-looking and tall Okay Maybe eliminate that and focus on the heart-centered because again in this show love it love is love is blind You don't get to see what the guy looks like you focus on the heart and many of you don't have the skill sets To do that. That's why I want you to read another book. I don't have a copy of it right now It's called making love all the time by Barbara DeAngelo's and Also the other book that she's written another book She's written called are you the right one for me by the way again There's a link below in the Jonathan recommend books below. I know you guys are saying Jonathan All you do is pitch books. Well, I'm here to encourage you to learn My channel is for you to become a more complete human being so you don't find yourself discarded by someone Because you chose the wrong person and I get it It's frustrating these days the dating process is incredibly frustrating. I would like to as much as listen I met my girlfriend through match calm. Okay be candid with you So I must believe in it because that's how I met her What we did much like the show love at first sight is we spent time just developing a friendship over the phone Not and we weren't dating. We weren't even considering a relationship with each other We just developed a little bit of a friendship over the phone So when then we actually met for the first time unlike the TV show There was no other than the other than two people meeting as friends. There was no pressure Okay, we each talked about what our end goals were But when we decided to explore a relationship together, we were very intentional We were very intentional by the third time we saw each other. We're we're exploring a relationship With an end goal in mind of living together Folks, do you know how few times this happens in the dating realm today? People are actually really intentional in the process If you want to change your narrative so you don't feel this so you don't end up in a situation of being discarded Get crystal clear on who you are what you want Figure out. What are the questions you need to ask this person? I call in my private coaching I call it pre-qualifying your prospect through radical honesty By the way, there's another again. I'm going to remind you There's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you If you want to change the narrative and choose better men because some of you do have a broken picker That I invite you to schedule time to talk to me Because ultimately here's the bottom line These days Short-lived relationships are the norm. We're seeing a decline In marriages or we're seeing a decline in divorces But what we're seeing is an absolute skyrocketing of short-lived relationships that go nowhere and in many cases Women are finding themselves discarded by men And I want to help you avoid that happening. So again Get crystal clear on what you want focus on the end goal I know every coach tells you to do the opposite No, you have to be clear on what your end goal is and then start to ask the deeper questions Make the investment of asking deeper questions to see if you're on the same page with one another So you don't spend time Talking with a guy or being in relationship with a guy who's going to discard you Because he doesn't know what he wants the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid And that's what i'm here to teach you is how to find those not find the men But to determine which men have solid ground underneath them Or do they have quicksand underneath them because the guys who have quicksand will discard you very quickly Is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know All right, I think that's enough. I'd like to hear your thoughts Please post a comment below if this did resonate with you. Please hit that like button Please share this with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new And i'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives And this is for the thumbnail That's what i'm trying to use for discard. All right, you're seeing an outtake. Thanks a bunch. Bye now