 Cheryl blessing and I am your host this evening on the power talk show this is the show where we bring you informative information that will transform your life and hopefully improve it for the better and this evening our conversation is centered on one thing that affects every single individual on the face of the earth we want to understand how can we build long lasting relationships if we want to get to marriage what are the steps we have to take to get there so our our conversation is very focused on building lasting relationships that hopefully transform into marriage and joining me live on set today is Catherine Carrera a teens and a youth mentor. You look lovely this evening a man we are honored to host you as well and right next to Catherine we have Alan Lawrence who is a mentor as well and an author now Alan I've learned that you wear many hats yes as I'm getting to know I guess they're very well versed in matters regarding relationships they have been talking to the youth specifically for years and years on how they can nurture their personal relationships and interpersonal relationships with other people that hopefully transform into marriage so I want to engage with you as we progress with this conversation and the way you can do that is you can go on our social media platforms which is at Y254 on Facebook Twitter and Instagram we have a post up new Lizzie Swally if you have a comment you can write your comments and let us know what do you think I want to talk to you and you can find me on my personal pages which is at Cheryl blessing so I think to kick start the conversation it's right for us to start from getting to know each other when two people are getting to know each other hoping to start a relationship what are some of the factors that they should consider what should they be looking out for and what should they also have within themselves that allow them to build lasting relationships Catherine what do you think as we talk about two people we have to clear the air these two people must be a male and a female we know we're in that generation where we think a boy and a boy can go to a relationship so if you are we need to agree together that we are talking about a woman and a man and the question is what are we going to look into before even we look into we have to be matured and human brains not mature until we are 24 and when we look at the word the relationship it's taking us somewhere cheap it can take us somewhere so even as you enter into this relationship are you going in for marriage or do you want just to shake a leg together and feel nice because I know now we are there where people want the money and they want to come in for it but you're talking about building a long-term relationship number one you have to be very committed you have to be very devoted and you have to be willing that this relationship is going to ship me into marriage and when that time comes stay in the marriage and I can advocate for marriage personally I've been married for 27 years and my best couple they have been married for that five years my parents have been married for 68 years marriage denial so marriage works but for it to to work you have to ensure that you come in on the right footing with the right foundation and people will ask me how do I know that my foundation is right I'm a Christian blessing and it is important for our viewer to do something I call spiritual mapping take a journey back see yourself and also get to know you're not just getting married because people are saying hey get married you want to get married because you want to stay into it so even as you look out I know that you normally say there's seven park 11 park you know you fall in love with what you see but you live with the character so even as you're feeling I normally say feeling Paragasha even as you're feeling Paragasha make sure that this character of this gentleman you can live with it and not only live with it wake up every morning from the same bed for years together yes true thank you that is very well said because you've really touched on the major aspects male and female union that's what we're advocating for and you have to be mature because so many people these days get into marriage at 18 1920 and they're married with children so you have to be mature and understand that this is something that I want to have long term so Lawrence in addition to that how do you as an individual become ready for a relationship how can you prepare yourself come and think that will be made whole think and consider a relationship when you are mature as she has said and also think of a relationship when you are a package when you are all so that whenever you get into this relationship this person will not take you as if you are doing as if they are doing you are forever but because you are coming in as an equal partner you understand you are coming in not to compete but to complement each other to grow each other so the the the prime thing here you also need to consider is and what is the goal of this relationship how long are we going to date because don't date for you for infinity we should have time lights who are we you know it is so sad that today when you ask someone we are dating who are we they will tell you we are Kenyans we are humans you understand so some people are using a relationship as a rescue mission from themselves so they are not comfortable in their own skin that is why you see a young girl or a young man going for a relationship so that they can be able to run away from their financial responsibility so people need to be hold that they are the point you need to be hold are you can you stand on your own and how single are you some people are they are single yes but they are not single they are not making independent decisions you find someone is still for them to make any decision they are still lingering with the aprons of their mothers you see it is so sad how single are you yes you can be single but how independent are you yes and you have to be an individual rooted within yourself who knows my spiritual goals my physical goals my emotional goals and have everything in balance that's what you're saying and it's a partnership another ship as Katharina said you have to be aware of what ship you want to be in so that's being said you mentioned earlier as we're having a conversation before when to get out of a relationship because if i'm trying to to get married if i'm dating to marry but i've been with a guy for two three years and there is no sign of us getting there no sign of a proposal how do you know if this is the partner that you can spend the rest of your life with or when to leave if this is not the partner before you know about there's a partner are you ready for it yourself you have said some of us are getting married at 18 and that you have said they are not mature yet so you have to agree with yourself and have a goal as he has said when do i want to get married because i know there's peer pressure from auntie they look at you and they say hey who did that so do not give into that peer pressure call yourself into a meeting agree with yourself that i want to marry let me select a young lady i personally married at 29 years so call yourself a meeting agree this is the way you want to go then as you look for the other person know that dating and i want to say it now very forthright that sex is not love and love is not sex so even as we are dating let us not start with sex because we have now a society that is crying that is battered because we started with this with sex and what is this sex sex is not a gift to give to your boyfriend sex is a gift to give to your husband so we have to make sure that we lay the right foundation and it's good to tell the girl this morning this evening sorry that you cannot keep a relationship by sex if you have that boyfriend for sex he will do it with everybody else and you know blessings unfortunately the men are doing it with animals with other men they are also masturbating so what you need to do value yourself you are very expensive when expensive is treated as cheap it's cheap ends so you must make sure that you you upgrade your value you carry yourself the integrity as you're looking for this partner have a list of 10 things that you must do with then out of that 10 things compromise on five that you can modify then these five make sure that you don't compromise on like number one as a christian i knew to marry a man that is born again was my right i never prayed for that i knew that is coming so get to know the five ones and then do not get married because you're feeling lonely because marriage will not cure the loneliness you have to accept yourself package yourself for this long lasting relationship and then you cannot date for five years you're not doing a degree you have to agree with yourself when you want to exit singlehood and i want to repeat that for we girls because you're the ones at age earlier and men opposed nowadays is even coming as early as 35 you have to know when to exit when the girls are young 26 28 29 there you have a lot of boys that want to say hi hi hi and then you feel so nice you have a figure and imagine that the hi hi is going to be there all through wait until you hit that too you have hit the career line you're doing very well you're driving a big car your your age mates have settled with their families and unfortunately now because you have compromised we have the daddy mamas the baby mamas the daddy babies so we we we are we are confused and you feel like you're left out it is important for us to know that there will always be somebody who you can attract yes but for we women again we have to know that dressing with almost nothing you know how you dress with i normally call it you will attract people that will call you so you must make sure that you cover you cover you cover the private moments i like you very open with the conversation but my passion in life blessing my passion in life is to make our children know before they wish they knew true so i have to openly do what i normally call my talk a hot talk where i'm very honest where very open and very truthful we go back to the dressing of kura kua macho if you're dressing na kura kua macho of course you're going to get men that will eat with their eyes and their bodies so you have to carry yourself as a wife material i'm sure alan can agree with me no man wants to marry a girl who's behind this being seen by every other man true and that's also that's in addition to you knowing yourself as an individual you packaging yourself because whether we like it or not the way you present yourself is the first impression you will give people before they get to know she's christian she goes to church she does this they will see your dressing they will see the way you carry yourself and present yourself before people so we have agreed it is important for you to know yourself learn what you need value yourself before committing now after we've known ourselves alan what are maybe some of the qualities that we should look for because she's just touched on a few but what qualities should we look for in a long-term partner in addition to what she just said it is so sad that my generation what we tend to do is waste our single anticipating marriage so we don't enjoy the moment you need to understand that singlehood is not a a jail term that you have to solve it is in your single even the bible talks of it is when you are single it is either for you to serve the lord it is either for you to do a lot of things so you must enjoy and maximize your singlehood in a positive way because if you are a lonely single believe me you are getting married you'll be lonely so you ought to be very much comfortable what are you doing in this time because i believe dating or rather this time of a relationship when we are starting to date dating is like a ship it's like a bus we are using we are using to transit to this next dimension so in this process of dating this is a moment for you to get to converse with this person 99 percent of what happens in dating it is a conversation so people need to date with their clothes on because the moment you the moment you get intimate you know it's like you're starting from the end coming to the 12 the beginning that is why most people today especially ladies when i had that happened they get so much frustrated why because they gave it all they slept with this person they gave them their honor to this person and yet this person did not qualify for it so let this person win you into like they need to show you a bigger vision for you to be able to come as a helper remember you are coming to help this person so what is the vision what is the god who are you who are you know all those kind of things so if you cannot clearly answer who i am then people give you you're giving people power to be able to define you so back to what you are just saying the most important thing you need to have in mind is you are looking at spending the rest of your life with this person you understand and that to dimension here for a month all i grow the moment my my dating range increases but for a lady the older you grow the the little you are you are dating range increases so you understand so you have to be do not be nourished because i believe when you rush you crash so at this particular time look at that some of the things you can be able to compromise look at some of the things you will never compromise so let us have this discussion from the very very very onset and the paramount thing especially we are having this discussion as a christian because i love you doesn't know doesn't guarantee that this relationship will be long lasting yes my love for god and my personal integrity plays a major role because cheating and loving a person is a personal division and it's about my personal integrity so how is this person because i believe if if a crocodile in Africa will still be a crocodile even if you take it to america you understand so how is this person treating their single good watch them how do this person treat awaiting the hotel how do this person treats even their mother should tell you a lot of things and especially for us boys i i was somewhere these women were praying saying that i pray that i like i should not find my mother in law she should die you understand yes it was so sad because people believe that maybe the the mother in law will mistreat them so you need to understand how is their relationship with even their mother how is their relationship with the authority figure because a person who is under authority will always be a person of authority you are dating this person and this person doesn't have any person they reference it is a time bomb this person there is no person you can be able to report this person to then there is a problem because a true person and a true a true man is a man who is having a scene have they shown you who who is mentoring them who is their pastor those are more critical questions those are important and you see the way we've been discussing the importance of individualism if i set a standard for myself if i know myself then it's easy for me to qualify or disqualify someone who comes to quote me so that's being said it's been a very good introduction we'll take a very short break and as we are going on a break i want you at home on instagram twitter and facebook nuliz aswali write me a comment that you have and share an opinion that you think will be informative in this discussion so stay tuned to y2f5o tv my name is sharily blessing and this is power talk