 Bismillahi r-Rahmani r-Rahim. Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alameen. Wa Salatu wa Salam ala as-sharaf al-Lambiyah. Wa al-mursaleen Sayyidina Muhammad wa al-Alihi wa Sahbihi Ajma'in. Allahumma al-Limna ma yinfa'una wa nfa'na bima al-Lamta nawa zidna al-Mah. So today, inshallah, we talk about tawbah. So we've been talking about mindfulness, zikr, developing a relationship with Allah and taking a daily inventory, looking inwards. And it's helpful to keep those as goals, but recognize that at times we may fall short, and at times we may wax and wane in our motivation. Sometimes we hit the target, sometimes we don't, but it's important to have a process of returning to our goals. And tawbah in the linguistic sense, tawbah is derived from tabayatubu, which means to return to something. And so having this concept of having goals and not being afraid to make mistakes and learn from them and return to having those goals, not becoming so demoralized by our mistakes that we don't return to having those return to our lofty goals. And so essentially we're going to talk about tawbah, why it's important, but specifically we're going to talk about some specific concepts, like what do we do when the thought comes into our mind that, well, I don't think I can stop my habit, should I still make tawbah? And Imam al-Qazali gives us a lot of great advice on that. So we're going to learn from that. And then the third one is that comes up often. I heard it this week, I'm too bad to come back. Like I'm not, you don't understand how bad I am. Or what I've done. So we'll address that too. There's a story in the hadith that we'll learn from to really clarify. What does that mean? And then in Sha'a we'll talk a little bit about what tawbah is, how to make it. So let's start. What is tawbah? So we talked that it means to, linguistically means to return to something. So what are the benefits of tawbah? So basically, tawbah, repentance, the benefit is forgiveness of the long lasting effects of removing the long lasting effects of our actions, our behavior. So we're responsible for our actions in the next world. So tawbah being a mechanism to fix that. But then also more immediately when we engage in unhealthy behaviors or behaviors that are sinful, a black dot comes on our heart, nook, tass, so dat. And if we make tawbah, then that gets removed. It comes in many different books of hadith. If we make tawbah, that dot gets removed. And so to number one, remove the long lasting effects, but then short acting effects. So that's the number, that's one benefit. The second benefit is, as we start talking about developing a relationship with Allah and spirituality, Allah loves those who turn back to Him. So it says in the Qur'an, in the law, you have tawabin, or you have mutattahirin. So Allah loves the people who make tawbah. And here it's tawabin. It's people who repeatedly turn back to Him. So again, the goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to be better than our previous selves and consistently turn back to Allah for forgiveness. Okay. And then there is a, so we know that Allah loves tawbah. And in the Qur'an, it talks about many things Allah loves. So how much does Allah love tawbah? Like what is the explanation of that? So there's a hadith Imam Muslim collects. He said basically it says, verily Allah is more pleased with the repentance of a slave. This is in Riyadh al-Salehine in the chapter of tawbah. It's a hadith collected by Imam Muslim and in the compilation of Imam An-Naui. Verily Allah is more pleased with the repentance of a slave than a person who has his camel in a waterless desert, carrying his provision of food and drink, and it's lost. Having lost all hopes to get it back, he lies down in a shade and is disappointed about his camel. All of a sudden he finds the camel standing before him. So just to kind of bring it back, because I think this is hard to really understand, because this is a situation of a man who lost his camel in a waterless desert. The camel has all his provisions on it. So this means death. This is hard to understand perhaps in our modern context, because it's really, it's hard to find a place where you can't just walk to or drive to in order to get drink or food. So imagine another situation. Let's say skydiving. You jumped out of the plane. Your parachute is your lifeline. You're in the middle of your dive. Too far from the plane for any help, if help could even be had at that point. And you're in the middle between the plane and the ground. And your parachute fails you and you're sort of resigned to what's about to happen. So you close your eyes and you're just expecting impact. Then all of a sudden the parachute tugs on you. The example here is an example of how happy you would be. Once you realize that you're going to be saved. Like that feeling of desperation midair. Parachutes failed. I'm going to die basically. And then resigning to that and then all of a sudden. Parachute goes off. And that intense happiness. So back to the hadith. And then all of a sudden he finds his camel because again, in that context, that camel was his lifeline. It's certain death. His camel went off with his food and drink. And he takes hold of its reins and out of. Joy, he blurts out. Oh, you're my slave and I'm your rub. So he gets it wrong. He commits this mistake out of his extreme joy. In other words, he's so joyful. He doesn't even know what he's saying. And that's the joy. And that's the type of welcome we get to make Toba. So a lot loves Toba. So we get this forgiveness. And this ability to wipe away our deeds. Wipe our slate clean. And then it's something that a lot loves. So then the question comes that people have is. I don't think I can stop my habit. I have an addictive habit. I love my habit. I love my habit. I love my habit. I love my habit. I love my habit. I love my habit. I love my habit. I love my habit. So I'll go back to it. Should I still make Toba? And let's just. Put away our assumptions, our thoughts are using our understanding. Let's look at what you mama. He teaches us in Minhaaj. I mean, how do I be Dean in the chapter of Toba? Is a chapter on Toba. And let's just read it. not only in talking about spiritual matters, but also in Islamic law and in many different Islamic sciences. Okay, so it says, if you say, now this is Imam al-Qazali teaching us, if you say the only thing that is preventing me from Tobah. In this chapter, he talks about Tobah and he talks about all these things that prevent people from making Tobah. And this is one of those things that he says that people often say prevent them from Tobah. So he says, if you say the only thing that's preventing me from Tobah is that I know about myself that I'll return to this sin. And I will not be able to commit to my Tobah. So what's the benefit of even making Tobah? Does that make sense? So basically Imam al-Qazali is saying, if you're this person who says, I'm not going to make Tobah because I know I'm just going to return. So what's the point? So Imam al-Qazali gives us the advice. He says, you should know that this idea that you have is a deception of shaitan. First of all, he says, you should know that, that this is a deception of shaitan. And where are you getting this knowledge from is what he says that you'll return to your sin. Where are you getting this knowledge from? It's possible you'll die. Before that you'll die as someone who has returned to who has returned and made Tobah before you return to your behavior before you return to your sin. So he says, know that this is a deception of shaitan number one. And then number two, he says, as for your fear that you'll return, your responsibility is resolve and sincerity. That's the fact that you're afraid that you're going to return to your sin or your behavior. All you need to worry about is having resolve and sincerity in your Tobah. That's your our responsibility and upon Allah is the outcome. So either you get the outcome and succeed. So you get the outcome which is breaking your habit and succeed, or you don't get the outcome. And your previous sin was forgiven. And you're purified of it. And all that you accrue is the sin that you just did. Does that make sense? Okay, so basically saying this idea that you have, that's preventing you from making Tobah every time you go back to your habit. That what's the point of even making Tobah because I'm just going to go back to the sin. He said that's a deception of shaitan. It's a trick. Don't fall for it. Because how do you know you'll return to it? How do you know you're going to return to it after your Tobah? And then he says, look, it's a win-win situation. There's a benefit of it. Either you make Tobah, you resolve to not go back to your habit and you succeed. So you break your habit, you make Tobah and you move forward. Or you go back to your habit and all your previous sin, your previous sin was forgiven because you made Tobah and you're purified of it. And all that you accrue is the sin that you just did. And then he says, this is a great profit and benefit. This is a great profit and benefit. Then he goes on to say, if you make Tobah, and you've breached that Tobah. So you've made Tobah now and you've gone back to your sin. If you make Tobah and you go back to your behavior a second time, then what he says is return to your Tobah immediately. Immediately he says, and say to yourself, it's possible that I'll die before I return to this sin again. So I should make Tobah. And go through that process again. So not only does he say go to it immediately, he gives us a medicine. He gives us a something to tell ourselves so we can rectify that illogical belief that there's no point in Tobah. He says, say to yourself, it's possible that I'll die before I return to this sin again. So I'd rather do that with a Tobah in my record, as opposed to without it. And then he says, this is beautiful. He just bottom lines it makes it very simple. He says, just like you take the unhealthy behavior, the sin, and returning to it as a habit. You should make Tobah and also make Tobah and returning to your Tobah as a habit. Bottom line, just like we have an addictive habit. With that, we should add to that this habit of making Tobah. And he said, don't be more lacks in your Tobah than in your sinning and your habit. And don't despair. And don't let Shaitan prevent you from Tobah with that reason. So, you know, I thought this was so enlightening. Number one, because who it's coming from. And number two, you know, it's intuitive to feel like there's no benefit here. Why should I make Tobah? Let me fix everything first and then return back to Allah. But here Imam al-Qazali is teaching us, no, don't take that route. That's a deception. And to make a habit out of making Tobah and returning because Allah is most merciful. So the second question that comes up is about Tobah is I'm too bad to make Tobah. Like, no, no, you don't understand. I've been doing this for 30 years. Or you don't understand the type of addicted habit that I have. Or you don't understand I'm unique or some exceptional in some way. And that's problematic because it's almost as if we're saying, no, no, my sin can overpower the mercy of Allah. No, no, I have an exceptional issue. And we go to the Quran first to understand this. Surat Zumar, Allah says, Allah says, say to my slaves, those who have gone in excess against themselves, don't despair from the mercy of Allah. Verily Allah forgives all sins. It doesn't say verily Allah forgives sins. He says he forgives all sins. Verily he is the most merciful. So here Allah is saying, don't despair from the mercy of Allah. He forgives all sins. So when we think about the addictive habit that we're in, we simply have to think about, is this a sin? Is this an unhealthy habit? And if it is, then Allah forgives it. Is this an unhealthy habit? If it is, Allah forgives it. So it doesn't matter if it's a sin that society deems is wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a sin that my social group is really strongly against. The question is, is it a sin? Is it from the category of sin that Allah forgives? So then we, again, we go to the Hadith to understand this. And in the same chapter of Tauban in Riyadh-e-Salehin, there's a Hadith. And I'll summarize it because I don't want this to get too lengthy, but it was basically a story of the man from the nation before you. And this is a man who murdered 99 people. You know this story? Do we know this story? And we've mentioned it here before. Okay. And we've mentioned it here before. A man murders 99 people. And the point that I want to get across is he had this question. He said, is there any chance for Tauba for me? Because this was his question. He said, look, we're saying there's this Tauba thing. But look at my situation. It might be a little bit unique. So let me try to explain to you what my situation is. And he says, he murdered 99 people. The first person that answered him said, no, you don't have any Tauba. And he murdered him to make it 100. And then he went to a person of knowledge. He went to a person of knowledge. And he finds out, of course, there's a chance for Tauba for me. And then he goes on a quest and he goes out and he sets out to rectify his behavior. And he dies along the way. But before that he made Tauba. And the Tauba was successful because he got the mercy of Allah. So if we ever have this like doubt, like, is my sin or is my problem my addictive habit too bad? Is it going to overpower the mercy of Allah? If you're a believer Islam. And this is something that you're worried about sin and not being able to get the mercy of Allah. Then know that in the Quran, the teachings of the Prophet, there is a teaching of this that you are, you have the ability to make Tauba and come back. So, alright, so then that sort of settles that. So that that question of like, Oh, no, you don't understand my particular sin. You know, we can sort of derive strength from this to really understand not what my understanding is or what my assumptions are. This is, this is a specific sin that my social group or society deems is wrong, which of course is a moving goalpost right cannabis one year is has a penalty of incarceration another year it's it's not it's actually something that you can prescribe medically and it's legal. So, we don't look at like, what is the sin that it's not, I'm not the measure of if this sin is too big or not. We put that towards Allah and his messenger. Okay, alright, and finally we'll wrap up with. There are conditions for toba. Well, how do you make toba so the conditions you mama know we in reality saw the he and in his chapter of toba. He talks about this in the beginning of that chapter that while they must say there's conditions for toba. So the first condition of toba is to abstain from the sin to abstain from the behavior. Number two is to have a sense of feeling bad over it, regret over it. So it's not something that you just now say you've done and now you sort of glamorize it or tell war stories about it. It's something you feel bad about, and then have a sincere resolve, not to go back to it again. So those are the three conditions. And that third condition having a resolve not to go back to it again is just that. You don't need to have absolute certainty of the future that you'll be successful. You need to have resolve and confidence in the moment in your ability to go back to it. And this is something we do with motivational enhancement counseling. We asked people this question on a scale of one to 10. How motivated or I'm sorry how confident are you in your ability to stay abstinent and say that person says I'm a six out of 10, then we explore in the counseling books that says then explore. What is it going to take to go from a six out of 10 to a 10 out of 10. And that person says well you know if I did this counseling or maybe if I put this software on my computer or maybe if I checked into rehab, or maybe if I did this program to help manage my weight or whatever it is. Then I'll feel a nine out of 10 or a 10 out of 10 and I'll feel confident. So that third condition, having this asm this resolve not to go back to it. We have to think in our own minds what do I need to add this time. And this is the point that I would get across that I have in conversations on a daily basis. When we do have people that relapse into their behavior that's the question we have. What, what was your longest period of abstinence. How did you achieve that. And what can we add this time to give you the confidence that you'll be able to make it this time. So, having a result not to commit it to go back to that behavior. Part of that is being honest with ourselves of what do I need to add to my box of tools in order to be able to be confident in my ability to stop this time. Okay, so that's Toba, there's a fourth condition if there was, if we've harmed other people, which is to return the rights of anybody that we harm so a simple example is, if we've taken somebody else's property to return that property. And keep in mind if, if, if that becomes dangerous then you want to ask somebody for their feedback is this something that makes sense for me to do, or is this going to put myself or that person in danger. If you, you know, rob somebody, and by returning that property to them, you're putting yourself your family or your community in danger, because a conflict might happen. Then maybe that's not something you should do and you should talk to somebody, maybe your local Imam or talk to somebody you trust with some knowledge we can help you navigate that situation. So that's, that's Toba. And that's something that, if properly understood it can really help us have a compassionate understanding of how to move forward. Because the last thing we want to do is the opposite of that is to not practice any tools to change our habit. And then when we engage in our habit just sit there and beat ourselves up. I'm the worst person in the world. So coming back from this and have no hope. The opposite of that is taking a practice, learning about how to break the habit, adding a tool each time we fall off, and then returning to Allah and making Toba and recognizing, although we may not be able to figure ourselves. A law is the most forgiving. It's the keys beyond our comprehension and everything else. When it comes to forgiveness, that also holds true. So now we're going to go to the book page 138 exercise 7.2. We've been talking about mindfulness and how studies show that mindfulness is very helpful for addiction and breaking addictive habits. 7.2 talks about bringing mindfulness practice into your daily life. And it says practice being present and aware as you do each of the activities below. So it talks about daily activities like taking a shower, waking up in the morning, eating mindfully, walking mindfully, so on and so forth. Because if you're able to bring mindfulness into your routine, mundane activities that are usually subconscious, by the way, like eating, waking up, brushing your teeth, showering, going to sleep. These are usually subconscious behaviors. If we're able to bring mindfulness into these subconscious behaviors to bring consciousness to them, then we're able to practice that focus and then bring that into our addictive behaviors. We start to subconsciously become preoccupied with our addictive behavior or have cravings to engage in our addictive behavior, so on and so forth. So what it says, and this is important, after you complete each exercise, ask yourself some questions about it. So after you bring mindfulness into each element of your daily routine, because what it goes into this exercise is take a mindful shower, take a mind, eat mindfully so on and so forth. What it's saying, though, is after you complete being mindful in those events, ask yourself some questions about it. What did you experience? How did that feel? What did you notice? How was that activity different when you bring mindfulness into it, as opposed to when you didn't bring mindfulness into it? Sure, you can just sort of become aware of the present moment without any prompting, but you can also bring a sort of grateful mindfulness into the moment. So when you eat, being grateful for the food and appreciating the food. And in our tradition, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he made dhikr with every activity that he did, everything that was going on through the day. So there's a dhikr and a du'ad that he made when he woke up. There's a dhikr and du'ad that he made when he went to the bathroom, when he came out of the bathroom. When he took a shower, before would do, before he ate, after he ate, before he went to sleep, and so on and so forth. And the dhikr would be a remembrance of Allah, but it would capture elements of each activity and bring gratitude to it. So it would, when he would wear his clothes, he would say, all praise and gratitude is for the one who has clothed me. So then it brings this mindfulness to the wearing of the clothes, but then also a gratitude and connecting that event to the present moment and also to Allah. So when we do exercise 7.2, you can read through it and talk about how they bring mindfulness into these different activities, but then also recognize that we can also integrate aspects of our tradition, which would essentially be bringing those dhikr before you eat, after you eat, before you wear your clothes, so on and so forth, and then being mindful of that activity as a blessing from Allah. And with that, when you bring gratitude, it's like putting sugar on top. So when you eat, put a little salt, pepper on top. And then when you make dhikr and mindfulness, you put some sugar on top because you're able to really appreciate it and be grateful for it. And it makes it more visceral. So, and then there's the wrap up which I'm going to go to and then we'll finish this chapter and we'll have another chapter after words that we'll go into. There's a section on acceptance. And then there's a section on compassion and kindness. And it says an important piece which says kindness and compassion are both characteristics that can enable you to practice mindfulness. So, if we're making a dhikr of Allah, and we do something that we feel bad about, I think Toba is a way to fix that connection, so we can continue to make dhikr of Allah and utilize that connection in order to stay strong in our practice. And then it goes into the wrap up. In this chapter, you had the opportunity to learn about what mindfulness is and how to develop a practice of mindfulness, and how that can be helpful in your recovery. And then you can say more things and it gives a preview of the next chapter. And the next chapter you're going to find ways to increase joy, pleasure and fulfillment in your life. With mindfulness skills in your back pocket, you will be able to experience these positive emotions at a deeper level. So inshallah with that we will wrap up any questions. If we're doing some service in the community, if we're helping other people, if we're doing other good deeds, we shouldn't say, Oh, I've relapsed where I'm engaging in this addictive habit. I should give up that other good activity. Rather we should continue those good activities continue accruing those good deeds and increase in them. And then continue working on this project of breaking our addictive habit. And, you know, what I was hoping to get across is that we shouldn't let that trick of chef on separate us from continuing to work on connecting with Allah, and continuing to engage in good behavior and good have and good deeds, and all the other amazing things that we're doing. And we'll end with this hadith that was related by Imam at Termi D, where it says, this is a Hadith Qudsi, I heard the Messenger of Allah, so the law of Allah, say, Allah, the Almighty said, Oh, son of Adam. So long as you call upon me and ask me, I shall forgive you for what you have done. And I shall not mind. Oh son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky. And you were then to ask forgiveness of me. I would forgive you. Oh son of Adam, were you to come to me with sins nearly as great as the earth. And were you then to face me ascribing no partner to me. And bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.