 Hello, YouTube. So here is one of my favorite personal statements for dental school. It has drama. It has action. It has memorable kind of image driven content. It has it all very well rounded. Let's get into it. Hi, I am Dr. Josie. Welcome to write your acceptance. If you are new here, I work with premed, pre dental students on their journey to applying to their dream programs. So I work with students elevating their message. I have worked with hundreds of students. They are, you know, low MCAT scores, multiple acceptances, full rides to Mayo Clinic, solely based on their personal statement. Dean's scholarship for pendental. There are so many success stories, and it's because we really focus on your messaging. And I know what they're looking for. Stick around. Let's talk. So as per use, I will read the entire personal statement so that you get a feel of the whole thing together. And then we'll go part by part or section by section. And we can workshop a little bit how it's working or what the strongest elements are in that section. All right, here we go. Blood orange splotches of watercolor blossomed across the page as my paintbrush bowed down to the thick paper. According to Chinese legend, a koi fish ascended a waterfall to reach the mouth of the Yellow River, where it transformed into the celestial dragon. The koi's toilsome journey represents resilience, struggle, and the ability to adapt, swimming against the current and mastering of falls. At eight years old in my Chinese water class, I tried to capture the essence of the legendary fish, guiding the edges of the watery paint to form the smooth shape of the fin. As I held the brush with my nimble fingers, I was captivated by the flow of paint responding to the most minute pressures and movements. When I started as a dental assistant, I began to draw parallels between the paintbrush and the handpiece. As I polished patients teeth with a gritty paste, I applied pressure with the motorized miniature cup to each tooth as if spreading a dot of paint. The way that the dentist meticulously carved out carries and acid edged, the tooth reminded me of sketching a rough silhouette in pencil before painting. I began to see dentistry in a new light. Dentists become artists, swapping composite shades for paint swatches and handpieces for clay chisels as they improve patient smiles. Appreciating the creative side of dentistry has been enchanting, but my attraction elevated into purpose when I learned the art of caring for patients. One time after seating my patient, an elderly Asian woman, I noticed her gripping the edge of the chair. When the doctor came in, she only gestured to her mouth and repeated. I think it's Aizang, my apologies. Frustrated that no one could understand her. I recognized that she could mean Aizang or cancer in Mandarin. Gently, I placed my hand on her arm and asked in Chinese if she meant oral cancer. Her face lit up and in her native tongue, she began to describe the sore on the inside of her cheek. I translated her concerns for the doctor and acted as a liaison between the dentist and patient, Li. Starting in elementary school, I studied Spanish and Chinese. In dental school, I hope to open lines of communication with communities of non-English speakers, not only to speak their language but to foster relationships defined by listening and understanding. She soon became comfortable conversing with us. Her dental anxiety kept her away from seeing a dentist for many years, but she was increasingly anxious about her worsening symptoms. Through Li, I have witnessed how language and cultural differences can substantially inhibit a patient's willingness to seek care without the ability to navigate through an inequitable system. Li might still be worrying about her health. As a dentist, understanding each patient's cultural background is crucial to providing them with the best care to break pervasive generational fears of the dentist. Language barriers are not the only obstacle that prevents patients from having their voices heard. One day, a patient came in with shooting pain in her tooth. She was frantic, dismissed from all of the practices since she lacked insurance coverage. Knowing that Dr. S wouldn't turn away a patient with a dire emergency, I reassured her that we would find a way to care for her. As she calmed down, we were able to diagnose her root infection. Dr. S prescribed antibiotics and referred her to an endodontist who would work with her on a treatment plan, and the patient was so grateful. Everyone deserves to have their concerns voiced and heard regardless of socioeconomic status. A deep dive into the U.S. health care system unveils the sobering truth behind the stratification among populations. Those without the means to seek care are those that need it the most. With zip code as the largest predictor of health, oral wellness is not purely clinical. I strive to look beyond the exam room and serve the populations that fall victim to the socioeconomic disparities pulling the strings. As I wait for my own name to be called in the lobby of my own dentist's practice, I look into the fish tank where large koi fish swims peacefully. Its beautiful red patches contrast against the blue-green pebbles. I smile, grateful for the myriad of patient experiences that have left me with a better understanding of dentistry. As a future patient-centered dental care provider, I'll adapt and go above and beyond just like the beautiful koi transcending the waterfall. So now this student is currently attending Penn Dental and with a dean scholarship, they are one step closer to their dream. If you want to learn more about how I work with students like this student, definitely grab your slot in my calendar and we can chat and see if we are a good fit. But now, more importantly, let's kind of break down the essay part by part and talk about what is working. Blood orange splotches of watercolor blossomed across the page. I love that verb use, right? Blossoming. It was like, I can envision that it is action in its purest form. Then we have a Chinese legend. We have the koi fish. It is very image-driven. It is culturally anchored. It talks about the student's diversity without being too heavy-handed. It really just naturally sets the stage for a very beautifully kind of inclusive and diverse personal statement. I love this intro because it establishes a unique student voice, right? I can see the vivid imagery, learn cultural background, manual dexterity. It is, I mean, a lot is happening in these first two lines. Sometimes the beginning is full on a story of a student with a dental experience, which you can do that and I'll link a video above that shows that. But other times, there's like a theme that a student really wants to kind of bring in or kind of an imagery that is not related to dentistry directly and then they kind of relate to kind of dentistry. So this is definitely an option for a catchy beginning that is of substance. Also bonus, and this was added in a later draft. Whenever you can teach the reader something, it is great because you bring them into the zone of expertise and here the Chinese legend is both intellectual and personal. So that was super important and we kind of brought that in subsequent draft. So let's chat about paragraph two. So when I started as a dental assistant, I began to draw parallels between the paintbrush and the handpiece. Here we are kind of moving into dentistry officially. We are establishing a wide dentistry and we're kind of seeing the student in action. We want to establish the wide dentistry as soon as possible, right? It's gestured, but now we kind of delve into dentistry kind of more formally. We see the student polishing a child's teeth and we delve into the comparison a little deeper, right? I love this line. It's both function and fashion. I began to see dentistry in a new light. Dentists become artists, swapping composite shades for paint swatches and handpieces for clay chisels as they improve patient smiles. That I thought was a beautifully written line, image driven and it is kind of action past versus telling me kind of it. It shows me the information in a very subtle, beautiful way. All right. So body paragraphs two and three. Here we go. One of the strongest lines in the personal statement because no matter the beauty of this personal statement, it doesn't forget that it's a personal statement. Sometimes students will be like, oh, but I don't know about this type of, you want to make sure that you are, yes, bringing in creative elements and visually stunning kind of, you know, imagery, but you want to make sure that the piece does not forget it's a personal statement, that there is a strategy and that there is a purpose for the statement of purpose, right? For this piece that it is trying to establish your wide dentistry and selling you academically personally, professionally in many different ways. So I love the fact that this is a creative powerhouse as an essay, but it still doesn't forget it's a personal statement. One of the kind of very important lines is appreciating the creative side of dentistry has been enchanting, but my attraction elevated into purpose when I learned the art of caring for patients. This really establishes that patient care is top, right? And so then then we start kind of getting into that kind of in the student and action structure, which is great. So this patient centric story that the student shares is fantastic. It shares culturally inclusive and aware moments, and it has the student adapting to the patient's needs, meeting her at her level of linguistic comfort, and then actively involved in her care while the student eases her fears. So that was really kind of layered and lovely. The second section, which is technically paragraph three, zooms out of the experience, right? And we kind of go into the kind of social context of where this experience is coming from and how it informs the students kind of awareness, social determinants of health, etc. So we see the patient kind of more engaged and comfortable with their care, but also we get this experience and how it informs a community driven practice that the student aspires to practice, which is great. Are you having a tough time kind of picking the stories that you're going to tell your personal statement? Comment below if you want to start chatting. So paragraph four, here is another incredible topic sentence. Language barriers are not the only obstacle that prevents patients from having their voices heard. I am intrigued. I want to know how else voice and agency can be curbed. This student is doing so much with this topic sentence and is building what the kind of content that they were delivering, right? It's not just kind of full stop and then starting a new experience. It's kind of like scaffolding experiences to gain deeper wisdom and to strengthen or solidify their wide dentistry. So the patient's story is there, but the focus is not on revealing too much of the patient to feel sorry for them. It is there to establish a larger purpose that student aspires to address. So sometimes you want to kind of scale back as to what you're going to divulge of the patient, right? You don't want to have this savior complex in your stories. I don't love when patients are so think you think you are so kind of chock full of gratitude because it doesn't read as strong for the kind of patient to be so grateful versus like you going into what you did and then going into what you learned and how you made an impact of what your takeaways are. So this kind of, yes, the patient's story is a focus, but then it zooms out for kind of context and deepening wisdom. So like, you know, the whole section of everyone deserves to have their concerns voiced and heard regardless of socioeconomic status with zip code as the largest predictor of health or a wellness is not purely clinical. All of that was incredible. And then we have the conclusion. I love, love this conclusion, right? A lot of times students will have trouble writing an ending, but you want to be able to land the plane and do so beautifully and they do, they return to the koi fish, they do it in not through legend, but through kind of concrete, there is an actual real koi fish in that fish tank. It comes back to painting, but instead of painting the fish, it's the real deal. I thought of it as like instead of the student just dreaming of becoming a dentist, they're actually becoming a dentist and that's the next step. So it's like concretizing, it's making concrete their dreams and their goals through this legend. I thought that was beautiful. Maybe that is over the head. Kind of maybe that's looking too much into it, but that's kind of like, you know, I can't help it. The symbology is there for sure. But having said that, this is one of my favorite personal statements. Recently I get attached to personal statements because they are, they tend to be when written really well, so personal for the personal statement, but so personal to the student. And you can kind of really borrow a vulnerable voice and it's lovely and it really can be a force for your application. Thank you so much for watching. I hope this was helpful. If you want to chat with me, the link is in the description and we can talk about how I work with students. And yeah, I'll see you soon. Thank you so much. Bye.