 Okay, welcome back. We spent the first hour, started in looking at understanding roles for the husband and the wife. We've been looking at scripture. We looked at a couple of passages, drew out the main roles that's been designed by God. We've seen the parallel of how Christ is with the church. And we took that parallel and spoke of different roles. So, the next part and a few details on what are some of the responsibilities for those who are in ministry. And especially when it comes to the home and when it comes to the family. So as I did mention that the responsibilities for those who belong in ministry or we are involved in a local church community. There are certain standards and conducts that we need to follow. And so this will apply to any believer, any of us here as believers it applies to any one of us. So one of the things I think this is specifically not put in the book but I really want to address this here is a lot of times. And I've seen this as when I've done marriage seminars among ministers of God be it pastors or lay leaders, lay ministers. I kind of ask people to put up like a hierarchy of how do you build your relationship or how do you put in a certain hierarchy. Your relationship with God, your relationship with your family and your ministry or your work. And it's quite interesting to see what people think. So I think everyone by default know that God is placed first in everyone's lives. But often I do see that there is a confusion for people, especially for ministers that whether you consider your family greater or higher or you spend in best time and energy in building the family first. That's right after God first or whether it's your ministry. Okay, and a lot of people get that a bit mixed up and they sense that God is the first like I said that's default they know that. But when it comes to the second place they usually put ministry upfront and then comes the needs of the family or needs of a spouse. But in God's government the family is the first place where you are ministering. Okay, that's your initial ministry, your family, that's your spouse, your children, your home is the initial ministry. And from that as an outflow of that comes your ministry to a larger community be it the church or whatever ministry you may be doing. So keep that in mind that God remains first and then your greatest responsibility is towards your own family. That's the mini church. That's the first establishment of a church that comes and church is a group of people coming together to worship and praise the Lord. It's not just a building and then comes ministry. So just to ensure that you keep that in mind and you will see and scripture really brings about a lot of bad draws on some of those principles. Okay, so let's just look at some verses and we will carry and I think what we'll do is as we read those these scripture, we will come to find or to bring about what are some of the responsibilities as a believer, as a minister that you have towards your home and your family. Okay, so we'll just take time to read all that all the scripture and then we just pick up some important roles and responsibilities for the husband and the wife. So could someone read 1st Timothy chapter 3 verses 1 to 13 and there are four other references and we can go that. So if someone has the book open, if you'll have the book with you, I think those of you who are in class one after the other, you could just read that. So that's 1st Timothy chapter 3 verses 1 to 30, that's the first one. Then 1st Timothy chapter 5 verse 8, Titus 1 6 to 9 and Titus 2 1 to 6. If you could just read that and then we'll pick up verses and understand that better. Yes. This is a true saying, if a man is eager to be a church leader, he desires an excellent work. A church leader must be without fault. He must have only one wife, be sober, self-controlled and orderly. He must welcome strangers in his home. He must be able to teach. He must not be a drunkard or a violent man, but gentle and peaceful. He must not love money. He must be able to manage his own family well and make his children obey him with all respect. For if a man does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of the church of God? He must be mature in the faith so that he will not swell up with pride and be condemned as a devil was. He should be a man who is respected by the people outside the church so that he will not be disgraced and fall into the devil's trap. Church helpers must also have a good character and be sincere. They must not drink too much wine or be greedy for money. They should hold to the revealed truth of the faith with a clear conscience. They should be tested first and then if they pass the test, they are to serve. Their wives also must be of good character and must not gossip. They must be sober and honest in everything. A church helper must have only one wife and be able to manage his children and family well. Those helpers who do their work well win for themselves a good standing and are able to speak boldly about their faith in Christ Jesus. Thank you. Someone else could read the other two. First Timothy 5.8 and Titus 1.6. First Timothy 5.8. But if any do not take care of their relatives, especially the members of their own family, they have denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever. Was that Vada? It's good news. Titus 1.6.9. An elder must be blameless. He must have only one wife and his children must be believers. Go ahead. An elder must be without fault. He must have only one wife and his children must be believers and not have the reputation of being wild or disobedient. For since a church leader is in charge of God's work, he should be without fault. He must not be arrogant or quick tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for money. He must be hospitable and love what is good. He must be self-controlled, upright, holy, disciplined. He must hold firmly to the message which can be trusted and which agrees with the doctrine. In this way, he will be able to encourage others with the true teaching and also to show the error of those who are opposed to it. One more. Titus 2.1.6. Titus 2.1.6. But you must teach what agrees with the sound doctrine. Instruct the older men to be sober, sensible and self-controlled, to be sound in their faith, love and endurance. In the same way, instruct the older women to behave as women should who live a holy life. They must not be slanders or slaves to wine. They must teach what is good. In order to train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure and to be good housewives who submit themselves to their husbands so that no one will speak evil of the message that comes from God. In the same way, urge the young men to be self-controlled. Thank you. Thank you students for doing that. Okay, so just looking at this entire, all of these verses, we will just put up some points and it's given in a tabular form in your book and I just read that out. It doesn't require any kind of an explanation. It's quite self-explanatory but just to bring back the focus, to really put out the focus. So the role of a believing husband should be, they should have only one wife. They should be sober, self-controlled and orderly. They need to be hospitable. They should not be a drunkard or a violent man or gentle and peaceful, does not love money, is able to manage his own family well, ensure that his children obey him with respect, take care of other members of his family, do not be arrogant or quick tempered but be self-controlled and his children must be believers and not have the reputation of being violent or disobedient. If you look at the wife, the wife needs to be a good character, not gossip. Be sober and honest in everything. Love her own husband and children. Be self-controlled and pure. Be a good housewife, taking care of the home and to submit to one's own husband. So in all of this you see the importance that, you know, Bob brings out to each of his letters to them that the way that he expected or he said, this is what God expects of you as a minister to be able to live, to lead your personal life in such a way that you are a testimony for the Lord. So to ensure that these responsibilities are taken care of before you are out there teaching and preaching. So I think that's important for us and it's a good check for each one of us to ensure that we are in step with these roles and responsibilities that we have in our families even as each of us are believers and ministers. Okay. One of another part of marriage is the way that sexual intimacy happens or goes on, right? And what is the role of the husband and wife when it comes to sexual intimacy? And we'll read through 1 Corinthians 7-1-6 and again just pick out some key points but we will be looking at sex and sexuality in greater detail in a chapter to come. But this is when we're looking at roles and responsibilities, what is the role of the husband and wife in marriage? Okay. So I'm just going to pick up these verses. So I'll read out the verse and then we will bring out the key points. So I'm at 1 Corinthians 7-2 and I'll read that out. It says, it's good for a man to have a wife and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. So the role of sex in marriage is to ensure that there is a balanced and a fulfilling sexual experience, sexual intimacy between the husband and wife and that's what the role of a husband and wife is. Verse 3, it says the marriage bed must be a place of mutuality. The husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Now this talks of how the role of a husband and wife is to mutually experience enjoyment and satisfaction while enjoying sexual intimacy. So it's a place of mutuality that both the husband and the wife are in a place of agreement to satisfy one another. Okay. And verse 4, marriage is not a place to stand up for your rights. It's a decision to serve one another, serve the other whether in bed or out. So here it is an opportunity for them. It's an enjoyment and it's something that you do not holding back or not using it as a weapon against one another, especially when there are conflicts. Okay. Then verse 5, it says abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting but only for such time. So it says abstaining from sex comes during shorter periods of time especially when it is to do with prayer and fasting. And the last one is that Satan has verse 5 again, Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. So this area of sexuality often becomes a place of attack and for the enemy. So to ensure that it is a fulfilling time is important and that's the role of a husband and wife when it comes to sexual intimacy and marriage. Okay. When you look at Proverbs 31, you will notice often, I think Proverbs 31 is generally quoted to the husband saying and if you ask a lot of people, they say, I want a Proverbs 31 woman but what you also need to notice here is a Proverbs 31 woman also has a Proverbs 31 husband. Okay. And so let's just probably look at some of those, that entire passage and see what it really talks about how you can or you can be a Proverbs 31 husband so that you bring about a Proverbs 31 woman. Okay. So there are a lot of things that are stated in here that actually helps us see that. So we will read again, I just bring about the verses. So verse 11 says her husband puts his confidence in her and he will never be poor. So this is a place where you see that the husband is actually trusting his wife. Okay. Trusting his wife in such a way so that there are so many things that she can do and that's verse 12, verse 13 onwards. She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth. Verse 14, she brings home food from out of the way places as much in ships do. Verse 15, she gets up the four daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do. Verse 16, she looks at land and buys it and with money she has earned. She plants a vineyard. 17, she is a hard worker strong and industrious. Verse 18, she knows the value of everything she makes and works late into the night. Verse 19, she spins her own thread and weaves her own cloth. Verse 20, she's generous to the poor and needy. Verse 21, she doesn't worry when it snows because her family has warm clothing. Verse 22, she makes bedspreads and wears clothes of the fine purple linen. Verse 23, her husband is well known, dealing citizens. She makes clothes and belts and sells them to the merchants. Verse 25, she's strong and respected and not afraid of the future. So through this, what do you see? Yes, you see from verse 13 to I think verse 25, 26, again, 27. She's always busy and looks after her family needs the way that the woman works. But in the midst of this, you know, bought and tucked in quite neatly is verse 11 and verse 23. Verse 11 says her husband puts his confidence in her, which means he's given her the liberty and the freedom, has knows her, cherishes her, nourishes her in such a way that she's able to do all of this. Has her support, she has his support in order to do this. And verse 23, her husband is well known, one of the leading citizens. And what does this mean? That means he's also doing his job. He's where he should be. He's probably earning for the family. He's taken the responsibility of taking care of things that's known to him. All right. What else does it say? The children, verse 28, her children show her appreciation and her husband praises her. So here you see the husband also applauding her, acknowledging what she does. So as her husband praises her, the children also show appreciation. So shows that the husband treats her well, is able to really build her up in such a way that even the children show their appreciation to her. Verse 29, he says many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all. So it shows that he's actually probably you can picture him praising her at his workplace or wherever he is. But he's one of the leading citizens. Maybe he's sitting in a courtroom and he's talking about the good things that his wife does. So he's praising her. He is really in awe of how and what she is. That's how he says many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all. And he's also probably telling her that there's none like you, my lovely wife. Verse 31, it says give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone. So that's what the husband probably is also doing, giving her credit and ensuring that she has the respect of her husband. So this entire Proverbs 31 is just not for the virtuous woman, but also for the husband who helps his wife to be as virtuous. Wonderful. Okay. Now, before I just move on, is there any question up until now, any questions that you may have? Yes, Meena. Go ahead. Can I mute and speak? Is that okay? Yes. Yes. Go ahead. Go ahead. So the list of all those virtues in Proverbs 31, as far as the woman is concerned, I mean the expectations are high. And there are a lot of things that she's doing. So what happens is while on one hand, the overall picture can be kept in mind and one works towards this. But what happens if that kind of a thing is, I mean, today's day and age, and just speaking generally, it's not possible to be all this and more than there is industry. I mean, she's industrious and she does a whole lot of things, right? So what happens if all of that doesn't happen? I mean, it's not, I mean, may not be happening on a regular basis or it is, you know, maybe it's asking for too much. Then what happens? Okay. That's a great question. Sanima, I mean, the way that I see this is this was in a setting or this was written in a setting. And if you look at all of this that's been written, there's a lot of work that she's doing that comes from, you know, a lot of things that she's doing from scratch, right? And if you see probably this woman is one who has been noted to be somebody like a leader, okay? But it also, think of the setting. The setting is maybe an older Jewish home where there are, you know, a wealthier home where there are different things, there are different people to support and help. So it's coming from a setting like that. I think what we need to look at is looking for principles. And if you look at principles, it talks about how the woman is able to manage different responsibilities that's given to her rather than, you know, should I be spinning my own clothes? Now, should I be, you know, making my own food right from scratch? Should I be ensuring that, you know, I'm doing philanthropic work. So look at principles around whatever God's put into your hands, whatever God's put into your sphere of influence is what we are called to do. So maybe for us, let's say a woman here on this in this in our time and space, okay? Maybe it's a work outside. Okay. So you need to get engaged in that. It may not be practical of doing the work at home also. So it's fine to have, let's say an added help in it. But it is maybe some way of overseeing things. Maybe it's not practical to teach the children ABCD. So it's ensuring that they get their support in that way. So taking principles from it is being able to take on the responsibilities that a woman has, rather than it being every single thing that is spoken about over here, that the woman who is able to balance what is given to her. So, and I'd say if that is, and because we're all different and we are people who are who have different kinds of personalities and what God's put into our hearts. There may be some women who would like to ensure that their responsibility is only at the home and that's perfectly okay even if they don't work outside. And that of course has to be done in communication with their spouse. Nevertheless, if they are willing to take up the responsibility of the home and doing it well and doing it according to pleasing the Lord, that's what matters more than the number of tick marks that you can have of making their own clothes and cooking food and getting up early and providing for the maids and all of that. But it basically, the principle that you can take on is whatever God's put to do to be able to balance it and do it in the best capacity that you can. And of course, the character. There's a lot that talks about character, right? Verse 25, it says she's strong and respected. She speaks with a gentle wisdom. The husband says, you know, you're the best of them all. It also talks about she's one who honors the Lord. So it specifically talks about being, ensuring that even your character is in one step with what God wants. So look at it as a principle rather at maybe smaller, finer details. Did that help, Nina? Okay, I suppose so, Nina. Don't get to hear from you. I suppose so. Okay, so yeah, sure. So go ahead. Yeah. Yes, I can. I can, Nina. Go ahead. The husband appreciates all of that, right? It is a thing. So what happens if the woman is okay doing whatever she can? Nina lost you. Not forthcoming. Nina lost you. Can you repeat that question once again? Can you write down your question, Nina? Now can you hear me? Yeah, I can, but you're breaking up in between. Nina, I've lost you once again. If you can write down your question, that will help. Okay, I think Rose has also mentioned, she said, I'd really like this part where it says at the end of page 46 to be a proverb 31 wife. I need to be a proverb 31 husband. Proverbs 31 is not just for women but for men too. Yes, it is. Okay. All right. So, Nina, while we wait for your question, we'll just look through the last part of this. And this comes in your application and it's on page 50. If I write in the notes, page 47. Okay, it's on page 47. And I just want to explain some of this because I think it's a practical insight into how we express love for one another. Okay, now this book was written by a person by name Dr. Gary Chapman and this book is called The Five Love Languages and he describes how we express love and how we feel love. Okay, and he spoke about these five languages of the way people generally, it's a research that he did to find out how people express love and how one feels love. So when you look at these five love languages and it's there in the chart, but I'll just speak of it. The first one is physical touch. Physical touch is what speaks, that they express or they feel love when it is with the touch. Now, this is not just sexual touch, but it can also be non-sexual. Love speaks very strongly when there is touch, when there is physical touch. Then comes words of affirmation that a person feels love when there are words that are spoken to them. They are spoken, loving words, words that build, that edify, that encourage, all of that are, when they speak words, that's what they experience. The third one is acts of service. Acts of service is when you're doing something for the other person, okay, that is actually doing some service. It could be in any form, maybe paying a bill or doing a chore or washing clothes or doing the dishes or ensuring that the car is cleaned or some kind of service or bringing a cup of coffee or cooking a nice meal, all of that's called the acts of service. Then comes quality time. Quality time is ensuring that you give the person attention, spending time with them, either every day talking about different things or going out for walks together, playing games together, doing a certain hobby together, going for dates together, that's what is quality time. And the last one is receiving gifts. Receiving gifts is giving something that's thoughtful to the other and also receiving. So when you look at this five love languages, often the importance of each of this can vary for each person, okay. So it may not, it doesn't mean that it has to be in a certain order, but it may, one or two may be of higher priority and higher importance to a person, to one of the spouses, and the other two may be of higher importance to the other spouse. Now what happens is that we often show love or express love in the way that we feel love. So if I feel love by acts of service, I generally tend to even show love through acts of service. Or if I feel love when someone spends time with me, I also may express it by spending time with somebody else. Okay, so that becomes a very dominant characteristic about the way that we express or that we feel love and that we express love. And so also the other person, the way that they feel love is the way that they express love. Now a lot of times conflicts of a knuckle or people feel or couples feel that they are not loved because they have not been, they haven't felt loved because their primary love language has not been spoken or has not been, is not what is taking place. So let's say the husband has maybe his primary love language is physical touch, whereas the wife's primary language may be acts of service. So the wife continues to do everything, irons his clothes, keeps his shoes ready and shows he has a different to carry, brings him a coffee, massages his feet, all of that. But still the husband is an experience of love because that's not his primary love language and vice versa. So it is a good thing to understand this the way that you personally feel and express love and the way your spouse feels and expresses love. And once, and if you look at that entire page 48, page 49, page 48 and 49, when you look at that there is a certain, you know, a quick questionnaire that you can generally do to understand where, what represents your love language. It's good to know yours. It's good to know your spouses and doing the best to ensure that you speak the language of your spouse rather than, when you're allowed to speak the language of your spouse rather than expressing it from what's dominant to you. So it's something that you can take time to do. It's a good thing to understand and also come to see how you can personally express, depending on what the language is for your spouse, how can you express that love language to the two years past. Now, that's something that can happen through proper communication, being able to really discuss about all of this. It's something that you can do. So that's a homework that you can do. I think Meena, you're getting your question. So she's written, if the appreciation and support from the husband is not forthcoming, then does the wife continue to do what she's doing? It could be a strain. So some of this can, when the Bible talks about certain principles, it definitely talks, a lot of things are enhanced when you do see, especially in this Proverbs 31, we do see that there is something that the husband does that really builds into something the wife does and something that the wife does builds into something that the husband does. So the husband being, praising her, supporting her, nourishing her, encouraging her, gives her the impetus to multitask all of this. And as she's doing that, it gives the charge for the husband to say more or to encourage her more and more. So everything is, you see, everything is a vicious cycle. But yes, as we walk through life, we do definitely see that sometimes this doesn't happen. Nevertheless, our submission or whatever we do, and as Paul talks about it, whatever you do, do as unto the Lord. And I think that's a wonderful word that we need to stand on because when we are able to do things for the Lord, we find that our expectation about what we need from our spouse may not be as high. Well, ideally, or in the way that God ordained it, it's definitely needed that the husband doesn't. And when you look at these roles in itself, if a husband and a wife are to play these roles as assigned by God, being obedient to what God wants, you'd see that the union is to be beautiful. It's designed to be holy. But like many things that you see, when we don't stand in accordance to what God desires, there are consequences to it. And there are some chapters later that may deal with some part of this question is that you may not like, for example, the wife may be doing a lot of this, but may not be receiving the appreciation, the love, the acknowledgement from the husband. And it becomes a strain. And for no fault of hers, she bears also a consequence. It is true. It's true that happens. And that's when we learn and we understand the focus and our desire to please God comes above anything else. And when we do that, when we desire to please God, he's the one who empowers us to do whatever we need to do. In the natural, yes, it is a strain. In the natural, it is a burden. It may feel very unbe-motivating for the wife to continue doing things, maybe when the husband hasn't taken on his responsibility or his role. It becomes a huge strain. It becomes a huge burden. And that's when we move to, not that's when, but we move to seeking it from the Lord, to going back to the Lord for the help we need to ensure that we are doing what God wants us to do. So yes, naturally it is a strain. And that's why when we pin our hopes, even when we talk about in marriage, building our love for one another, there can be times when there are a lot of instances in our lives that takes place that that oneness doesn't come because of some sin or some issue because of one person or what one person has done. Our focus is to the Lord. Our focus is saying, Lord, this is something that I need to do because I honor you because of what your word says about me. So the focus is on the Lord in all things, in all things, whether it be marriage, whether it be studies, whether it be work, in all things our desire is to please the Lord. And by pleasing the Lord, we're bringing our spouses closer to us. So yes, that's a difficult question, but nevertheless with regard to everything, our desire is to please the Lord and take from His strength whatever we can do. I think Rose has another question. What about widows or widowers who have remarried and they are unable to show the same love that they once had for their first love? Again, this is a topic we will slightly talk about later, but nevertheless, if there is a widow or a widower planning to be married, one of the important things that a couple needs to do is to ensure that they go through a marriage preparation course. All because you have done it maybe at your initial time of your wedding, the first wedding, your first marriage and have spent a couple of years with your spouse and then there has been a death, in this case, it's a death, right? And you're remarrying, there needs to be a revisiting, a re-preparation of those seven points that we spoke about, okay? Because there can be very many things that one carries into marriage, right? Even though one has lost their spouse and that's something that definitely requires to be done. So I don't see much of a difference that even if you're freshly married or you're remarrying because of a death of a spouse, you still need to undergo a preparation because the person you're marrying is a very different person from maybe the person you married earlier and their dislikes, who they are, what they are, their kind of traits are very difficult. So going through a preparation is very important to do so because while you're going through the preparation you're getting insights about yourself, about is this a renewed attachment that you can make after the first marriage? So I'd say if it is for a widower or a widower who is considering remarriage again, going through a pre-marital session is highly important because you need to heal from whatever, however, whatever has happened in the first marriage or whatever issues that's there then heal from that before you enter into the second one. Okay, I hope I answered that, Rose. Okay, Sean, you've asked, ma'am, is this a good order for a person to have in his or her life, God, family, ministry, work, friends and other things? Yep, it is. That sounds like a good room. That sounds like a good structure. Rose, did I answer your question? And even Nina, I hope I answered your questions. Oh, Rose, oh, that's Rin. Oh, sorry, okay, okay, all right, great. Okay, any more questions? Okay, if there isn't a question, I think we can close today's class and yeah, we could reconnect next week. Can I request any one of you to pray? Nikhil, Nikhil Masi, would you like to close with a word of prayer? Yes ma'am, please. Go ahead. Father, we thank you for this day, for this time, God. Thank you for this wonderful moment that you gave us, Father. As I pray what we have learned, Father, we can apply Lord Jesus in our life, Father. Thank you for ma'am, God. Thank you for what you have taught us, Father. Thank you, Lord. We give you glory. We give you in Jesus' name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Thank you, students. God bless you. Have a blessed week. I will meet you next week, week five. Thank you. God bless.