 Hey guys, welcome back to my YouTube channel. This is Daniel Rossell here I'm going to talk today about a book that I reviewed on Amazon and Google a couple of days ago, but as video is very much the platform I'm feeling most comfortable engaging with right now I said I would put up a video because there's really a lot to unpack about this book. It's called But it's your family cutting ties with toxic family members and loving herself in the aftermath by Dr Sherry Campbell and I've just added it Which way am I pointing here? This way this way this way. I've added it there onto my screen a lot of per second just so you can see The book so this is what it is Firstly Yeah, this is definitely a Important book or rather it promised to be an important book within the whole world of Narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse and verbal abuse and they all they tend to go hand-in-hand There is a small literature of books on this subject matter There's definitely books like there's a very well-known book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Adults Parents. Did I get that right? I think I got that slightly wrong, but those who are aware of this space know what book I'm talking about and What I was particularly looking for in this book was something that went past that so I've talked about the reddit communities Which are wonderful online spaces for people who've dealt with relatives who behave in toxic or north or abusive manners towards them and The way it's separated on Reddit and I think this is not just a smart thing for Reddit It's a great paradigm to look at it is there is a subreddit called raised by narcissists for people who are like Hmm, this doesn't feel normal and could this be gaslighting and you get you kind of get people coming out of the fog there And then there's one called life after narcissism I have a separate video on the narcissistic support subreddits if you're if you've never used reddit before Reddit is particularly good at this area of support groups because of the fact that a lot of people Need to remain anonymous. I'm just neurotically editing the size of the cover a little bit here. Excuse me for a moment So that's the reason in itself to explore reddit to check out check out these groups So what I was looking for if we use that Distinction between raised by narcissists in life after narcissism. I was looking for the life after narcissists in book Okay, we know what? Narcissism narcissistic abuse toxic abuse. Sorry Verbal abuse emotional abuse. We know what it looks like. We know what the patterns of gaslighting Hoovering all the jargon. I can never even remember the jargon myself, but there is a lot of it. We've Become aware of these dynamics. I was going to use a word. Whoa, can it's better not to we've become aware that at dynamics We know what kind of a situation we're enmeshed in and Now our focus has shifted to Moving on where whether we're in a position of no contact commonly Acronomized as NC or very low contact VLC or Gray rocking or whatever Stratagem we are using that's allowing us to minimize the damage from this person in our life We've got there and now we're looking to rebuild a new kind of life with a surrogate family or community of trusted and loved Friends who can provide us the emotional support and backing that we didn't get from our family of origin As the terminology is currently called. So this was what this this was my expectation for but it's your family And I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation Maybe I I did order it in a haste. So maybe I sort of didn't study the cover As carefully as I should have But so I have a few good things to say about this book and a few criticisms about this book The first thing is there definitely is a lot of good material in here Regarding all that stuff that I mentioned in the raised by narcissists part of the picture In other words, there's a lot of good explanation here about what abuse of relationships look like and how to recognize toxicity And why it's better to free yourself from toxicity and all this kind of good stuff, right? You can't if but that's not the reason I bought this book. I bought this book for the post no can't post no contact post boundary setting stage and You're at that point where you're like, well, what now or how do I if this is your case? And I'm not saying this is my case. This is just want to be clear This review is not necessarily referring to me or my personal situation But you're at that point where you're like, okay I'm now scared and this is an emotion that comes up in this book You know, she mentions after you go no contact the most common Feelings are those of anxiety Liberation and anxiety at the same time you're free from having to put up with constant belittlement Negative comments hurtful comments abuse, but you're like I'm on my own in the world and you know, a lot of people are not necessarily on their own in the world like literally you have friends I have a wife but There is something a powerful that I read once on the internet that these ties It's impossible really to be a full surrogate for the support of ties one should have with their family So even if you have a fantastic husband a fantastic wife an amazing community of friends who still this missing place that comes from That kind of gaping wound that you experience so That's and again, she does mention at some point share share Campbell mentions, you know after you do the no contact You're gonna feel afraid. You're gonna feel You're gonna feel free and afraid but this really comes I'm just looking at the book here chapter 9 hoovering separation of you so already into kind of It takes all the way to chapter 9 and this is just the this is chapter 9 and the remaining part of the book And this is the foregoing in the book. So it takes all the way till the very end before we actually get to And the healing process for instance. I'm just looking for what chapter that is that's chapter 12 We're really at the tail end in the book. So the majority of this book is actually taken up with I'm describing narcissistic dynamics. That's my first criticism is that It was good. It was good content I don't criticize that and I don't criticize her description. You can see talks I'm just leafing through the chapters here toxic mothers toxic fathers toxic adult children. You're not crazy No contact But that's the majority of the text unfortunately the maddening world of manipulation again All these are really really important things to cover but This was not the book I was looking for I was looking for something very specific The second criticism and I've seen a lot of people on Amazon saying this and it annoyed me more and more as the book continued Was the author? It feels like she wrote this book for two reasons. One of those was to help people and the second one was to Rage against her own abuse, which is understandable. I'm not a believer in revenge I think healing is the objective and you know trying to use a platform like a book She mentions that you wrote her first book and there was just way too much detail This this detail isn't really helpful in my opinion for you know for most people Who are trying to just get advice and clarity on their own situations? Hearing about what happened in this author's life and her experience of abuse and in one sense It is helpful because I think every time we hear a story like this If this is your case it resonates and you say oh wow, I'm not the only one that's had this experience equally I Think it's attracted I was looking for a very cut and dried manual almost of you've gone no contact You've set your boundaries and here is what the roadmap looks like for recovery And I didn't really find that much in this book So I mentioned two very good subreddits one is life after narcissism the one is a strange adult child adult children I think anyway look it up on Reddit and I'm gonna continue the process of searching for this subset of the literature where we're not talking about You know the ABCs or the one-on-ones of recognizing gaslighting recognizing You know codependency knowing what flying monkeys are knowing what the usual tactics look like in toxic or narcissistic family systems We're looking for the next step. We we want to put it past us We want to deal with our natural feelings of grief that come with separating from our birth family and that is certainly Something that the author talks about those feelings of grief which are inevitable she likens it to death actually death of a loved one But we're looking for More recovery oriented resources. So yeah, it was definitely I mean, I don't regard it as a as a bad book or as a bad purchase I think I gave it a three stars on Amazon because there there is good info there But unfortunately, I didn't find it the road map to Recovery that I was looking for if anyone watching this video happens to know of such a book Or such books Please do drop me a comment on YouTube because for me right now the search is going on Thank you guys for watching and if you want to get more videos feel free to subscribe to this YouTube channel