 Hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic who pays for the first date All right really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel These are please subscribe to please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content If you like this video, please hit the like button Also, these are my weekend video shout out shot out on my balcony similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery check out the link below if you'd like to join the group This group allows you to have direct access to me on a regular basis, and if you post questions I shoot videos Specifically for you in the group. All right. Let's talk about let's pull this out who Should pay for a first date It's my credit card. All right, so this topic is one It's actually a controversial topic because there's different opinions on this So I'm going to share with you my perception my opinion on this and this is going to take a little while to go through The whole alliteration of this so give me a chance to get into this. So first and foremost Let's just establish right off the bat That it is not a man's responsibility to pay for a date There's not it is not the responsibility of one gender to pay for dates. I just want to establish that very quickly It's not the responsibility Okay, now when dating I think it's important to recognize that the person that does the asking is the person who should treat because paying for a date should come from a place of Generosity and not from a place of expectation let me repeat that it should come from a place of generosity and not from a Place of expectation just based on the gender and since my audience is predominantly women It is not it's let me just say that it is not a man's Responsibility to pay just because he's a man just like it's not your responsibility to have sex with a man on a first date Because you're a woman and you wouldn't if a man is expecting that of you You would be offended and if you're expecting it from a man He has a right to be offended from an expectation perspective Now I said a moment ago the person who does the asking should be the one that does the paying now Here's where the challenge happens in most dating scenarios today for the most part most people are meeting total strangers In fact, roughly I would say well over 50 60 70% of first dates are with people that you've connected through the internet So they're a total stranger and Because they're a total stranger the the suggestion of meeting is a mutual meeting It's not even really a true date the first time. It's a first meeting That's why we almost have to differentiate if you're meeting if you know that first time you're meeting someone is Not really a date. It's just a meeting. This is why I want to shift the narrative on Understanding that just because the guy might take the lead in initiating the meeting It's two people coming together like two friends coming together to meet with one another and if two friends meet There's no expectation. God. There's something on my face No expectation that the other person is supposed to pay for them. Okay, so I want to be clear about that Now there's a couple things more. I want to lean into with this conversation first and foremost is that Again, it's not the responsibility of one gender to pay now Most men offer to pay because we were trained. We were raised that way. I like the way Matthew Hussie says it He says most men are you know are If they were raised right they would pay and he also said that most women would offer to Contribute if they were raised right, okay Now some of you are listening to the narrative of this following type of thing Well women spend a lot of money Getting themselves dressed up for a first date. So it's a man's my man has to pay for that reason That's a bullshit reason Just because you and by the way ladies I wouldn't suggest spending lots of money getting dressed up for a first date For a total stranger. So this narrative that just because you spent money There's an expectation that he must pay for it. It's his responsibility and that's not fair. Okay Now I'm I'm also a believer that the person who tends to make the most money should be the one who contributes most in the Relationship now some of you might say well women make less money out in the workforce than men. I've got a hair here Women make less money out in the workforce. I Whether that's true or not and I don't know any statistics on that Here's the thing if a woman makes a hundred grand a year and a man makes a hundred grand a year What does it matter? It's not like, you know, you're you know, you're equally Making the amount of money so that whole society narrative doesn't imply to the individuals And if you make a hundred grand a year and makes eighty thousand dollars a year Would you expect him to make you pay for the first date because you made more money? No, I think in relationship I it's absolutely important to talk about money early on in the relationship because the reality is is money ends up being one of the top Issues for divorce. In fact, 50% of divorces cite money as the problem in relationship There's a couple other things I want to lean into today. By the way, my t-shirt says There is no spoon. There is no spoon. Let's see if you know what movie reference there is to that It's kind of related to this topic. There is no one size fits all. I Do want to say though this By the way, my coffee mug says do all things with love and that's really what's most important here about this Conversation of who pays for a date this should come from a place of generosity for both people Both people should want to do it from a place of generosity That's the spiritual way to approach a dating process not based on gender But based on someone's heart and quite frankly, I'd like to see both people saying I want to pay because I'm a generous person Okay, not based on their gender or expectation, but based on I'm a generous person This is why I love the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated This is a spiritual way of dating that takes out the gender roles and expectations and Leans into a conversation of how to connect with someone's heart because the minute you've established this Narrative that someone is supposed to do something based on their gender You're already setting up the relationship for failure and that's not what a compassionate heart-centered loving person does That's not what love does and I want you to reach inside of yourself and ask What's really most important for me? Do I want to connect with someone's heart or do I have an expectation based on gender? Now I want to say something this video is going to probably catch a lot of flak I'm going to catch a lot of crap for it from some people because they have Expectations in their lives and anyone who has expectations is operating from an egoic place and thankfully I've read the book This book the subtle art of not giving a blank Okay, you read it and you know what if you don't like me for this video. That's okay because I Love myself enough to know that what matters most is how I care about myself Now there's something else. I want to say here for predominantly the women here By the way, ladies, I invite you to give this video to a man or send this video to a man and see how he responds to it So I want to talk about a couple other things right now So please give me a minute or two first and foremost here in the United States the average person makes less than 80% of the population makes less than a hundred thousand dollars a year. So right off the bat Let's just face it. It takes a hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year just to survive And that's an exaggeration. I'm just being silly But the reality is is most people don't have the resources to pay for someone else's experience all the time So that's the first thing now some of you might be saying well Jonathan if I Contribute or offer to pay and by the way, I haven't suggested what you should do yet I'll be getting to that in a second. I might offend a man. I might offend his masculine energy first off Suggesting that you want to contribute on a date Is if that offends someone's masculinity, then they have a real weak sense of security within themselves It offends their masculinity and if a man gets overly upset that you've offered to contribute two things are going on here a He can't receive generosity But most importantly secondly, he might be have a person has control issues if he can't receive and accept your Generosity he might have control issues So this whole narrative that men get upset because you've contributed to the process Let me tell you something any man that rejects your generosity is going to have a hard time accepting it later on down The road in your relationship Now so what's the best way to operate here? Let's face it traditionally men are going to pay the first date That's just the you know, that's what's going to happen. That's the way we were raised It's most likely I certainly believe in contributing or maybe picking up the picking up the The tax or the tip or picking up the valet. That's certainly a generous thing you can do Certainly following up maybe on the second or third date saying hey, I'd like to I was so grateful that you treated on this date I'd like to demonstrate my generosity by treating on the next day and that is a much more Compassionate loving way to approach the process and eventually again The person who makes the most should be the one contributing the most and if you both are equally yoked in your Financial life and for the most part in your you know your expenses in your life Then you both should equally be contributing to the process of getting to know one another The repeat that you should both be equally be investing in the process of getting to know one another and that includes treating each Other out to a meal or picking up a gift or paying for the movies or that sort of thing It should be a mutual exchange because when it's operated from a place of mutual exchange You actually create deeper respect for one another Now I know I'm going to catch flack from those feminine energy coaches because the man is supposed to claim you And he's supposed to be chivalrous and that's his expectations Let me just tell you this to those people that hear that rhetoric in my mind Most men actually appreciate a woman Who invests financially in the process and we actually have a greater level of respect For a woman who does that I'm repeat that we have a greater level of respect for a woman who at least Contributes or at least makes the offer to contribute and not the fake You know purse, you know, you know reaching into the purse and I invite you to give this video to send this Video to any man and see how he feels about it. Why don't you ask men? How they feel about a woman who contributes from a place of generosity and again the guys who get offended or or get Angry or can't receive they typically have issues and I would be more concerned about that so When it comes to who pays for a first date certainly the person who does the asking is the one that should be you know contributing and If it's a first meeting, I certainly think that making the gesture and Even contributing and by the way, it's not offensive to a man that you do that And what I mean to say is you can also offer to pay what I'm about to say is because some people might think that by you Offering to pay you're not interested another day if you're actually interested in another day You just simply say hey, I want to contribute today and I want to see you again In fact, I like you so much that I want to contribute. Is that okay with you? He'll most likely reject it if he really likes you as well Make the offer and then see what happens. All right. I've covered a lot here as I said, I'm gonna catch a lot of flak Please be kind I'm gonna bring in salty here for those, you know salty I'm gonna bring him in here to be my protector if anyone gets angry over this video All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this Please post a comment below if you know where the t-shirt references, please post it below as always if you find value in the group If you find value in this, please share this video with your friends and again if you liked it, please hit that like button Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bearer hug of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bearer a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now