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The house on one day, the rest of my siblings was huddled in the back room and I went down to see what was going on this time and I saw all my brothers together in a huddle so I forced my way in protesting to have a look at what's going on and they had a gun and they remember they were handing it around you know and everyone's saying wow they're looking at it and I was only about six but you know I said let me have a let me have a look and you know as it went to get past to me the brother up from me he grabs it and he wants another look so I start complaining so my eldest brother says no you know give it to him let him have a look and I just remember how impactful that was so you know you're turning up 20 grand 25 grand you're buying a box or whatever half a box of loose and then this fella's got a mate who's got it and he knows a fella who's gonna bring it and then all of a sudden you're saying shall I come bring something shall I bring someone else or now come on your own and then shall I go and get a strap or something and then my mate he got locked up for popping someone and then at one stage of my life brother and I was up some weekends I make five grand a day just you know it can happen like and there were people making way more dough than I was brother I was the nice guy of the group so firstly that little coffee shop job you know what was beautiful about that to be able to get up here and have meaning have direction have a purpose so I've got along and slap my apron on and show people like he's what's he doing he's working a coffee shop but mate after that shift was over bro I felt like a man a character bro I'm paying the bills and that you know I mean so it was a wonderful feeling boomer on yes yes bro today's guest we get Claude Jackson how about you Claude very well thanks for having me James I appreciate it mate thanks for coming here your book guns to God powerful just released a few weeks ago yes like boy from Brixton you've been all over the place yeah drugs guns money had it all and then you've wanted to get down a different route change your life I respect that bro this is what these platforms are all about and for people not to try and go down that route yes because we know how fucking delusional it is but fair play for making the changes to try and better your life brother respect that thank you first of all house things yeah it's well it's well life's good brother I'm on my last my final year of studies in regards to theology and the path I'm on which will speak about more so I'm on my last year but I'm not academically gifted bro I'm not born to do college and uni so it's been tough but I'm counting the Mondays counting down the weeks and God willing I get this final year out the way yeah you will come just got to keep working hard look how far you've already come brother but I'll go back to the start of my guests where you grew up how it all began yeah yeah I'm from a multicultural background dual heritage so my dad was Jamaican my mum was English and we grew up in Tooting so I'm one of six I'm the youngest I got four older brothers and one's older sister and yeah my nan lived in Brixton like I said we were in Tooting and it childhood was turbulent to say the least because it was such a dysfunctional household my dad was such an aggressive individual and there was domestic violence in the house and we were really raised with the mentality that if someone starts on you hit them and if they hit you hit them back so imagine having four older brothers I'm going out with that mentality and we're all conditioned to think that way so school was rough I didn't really go to school much and when I was there I quickly learned the attention and validation I got from my family and my siblings was if a fight took place or something you come home and they you know they say so what did you do you know and they want to know and if you said well I hit him then everyone would cheer or you know what it's like so there was a lot of that going on at a very early age and my eldest brother moved out the family home due to his own reasons whether that was due to how dysfunctional it was or and he went to live with my nan in Brixton and the rest of us stayed in Tooting but once a month or so he was in his early teens he'd come back to the home and whenever he came home he would bring treasures and weapons and stories of his adventures that he'd been on so obviously us all being his younger siblings when he came home he was like Superman returning because we had all lived such restrictive lives not playing out not getting that poverty anger aggression the house was just filled with trauma and turmoil so when my brother would come home we'd all listen to his stories of violence and fights and whatnot so it was intense upbringing so you never went to school much then no but primary school nothing no no I we know I never went to nursery so when it come to going straight into primary school I just didn't have the social skills to fit in and I remember I was always like the last one to complete the task and the other kids would you know the teachers would tell a story in the afternoon and all the kids would go sit on the carpet and the teacher would make me I'd have to stay at my desk until the task was complete which didn't often happen because I just didn't have that skill set so I'd be crying and then I just wanted to stay home anyway so my mum would let me stay home more often than not and I remember actually one occasion when the social services done a random visit because I hadn't been to school much and they caught my brother and my sister playing out the front in the front garden and I saw them from the window and I was only you know five maybe six and I quickly ran and laid down in bed and pretended to be asleep and when they come through the door my mum said look he's not very well my mum was an absolute legend he's not very well and the social worker said yeah I can see he's not very well but I was pretending to be asleep so that was just good enough yeah absolutely so when I was in school and this went on to up into like eight nine ten I just felt different I wasn't equipped for for school and the eldest brother I said that went to move out to my nans uh he had a huge impact on my life he really was my superhero I wanted to be everything like him but when I was younger um like I said he'd bring things to the house and one day the rest of my siblings was huddled in the back room and I went down to see what was going on this time and uh I saw all my brothers together in a huddle so I forced my way in protesting to have a look at what's going on and they had a gun and now remember they were handing it around you know and everyone's saying wow they're looking at it and I was only about six but I said you know I said let me have a let me have a look and you know as it went to get past to me the brother up from me he grabs it and he wants another look so I start complaining so my oldest brother says no you know give it to him let him have a look and I just remember how impactful that was firstly I just remember thinking my brother is an absolute legend because I'd only seen guns and that on television and then I was just really impacted at the weight of it and how cold it was and you know anyone you know you don't have to have held a gun but anyone that's held a gun you just know instantly it's made for nothing other than destruction so imagine going to school six seven eight years old that's going on at home domestic violence she died and then my brother went to prison and uh one of my friends in school I didn't tell anyone so in the instant I'm only about eight years old and I'm carrying these secrets and I didn't tell anyone and my friend he was my best mate at the time you know and I felt I was could I could confide in him so I told him and I told him not to tell anyone and what did he do he went and told everyone about my brother because in those days people weren't in prison like they are now so I had that scrutiny my anxiety went up from a young age suffering with paranoia I'd say I probably dealt with depression about that sort of age I didn't know it at the time but my brother was gone he was gone for Christmas he went to Pentaville I wasn't allowed to go and visit him um so I was just carrying a lot from an early age yeah why is the connection with your your big brother always that look does that cause he's a bigger one looking up to him the most and more thinking it's more glorified to then try and be like your bigger brother I think like you said A because he's the bigger brother but B he got out the house in his early teens like I said I went to live with my nan in Brixton yeah and we were still there and it was so regimented like I love my parents to death unfortunately they've both passed on now but it was so regimented my dad was so strict and everything was just aggression so when my brother got out he's coming back with his trainers he started his career in crime he's coming back with his trainers and his jackets he just looked like Superman you know he was just I guess he had the freedom what we all wanted wanted did you ever run away no but I definitely did think about what life would be like if I did is that why it was such a like turned on when you see your brother getting out and coming back and you're thinking it's a better life out there because it was so hostile in the household yeah yeah and he was very charismatic on top of that he was one of the most charismatic people I've ever met in my life charming he carried himself well you know so he just looked he had a lot he had a reputation anyway in Brixton and he had that reputation but he was definitely charismatic and he obviously had the key to freedom yeah what about secondary school I attended secondary school even less for the first two years I was there in school in Tooting and there was just a lot of violence again a lot of fighting and come to beginning of the second year they said you know basically either you leave or we expel you and the thing is my parents had a shop at the time in Brixton Hill a green grocers and the mad thing was we were getting up at like 4 a.m to go Covent Garden Market to get the stock and I was getting dropped off at school 5 5 30 a.m so I was getting there before the teachers bro before the school even opened and then some people would arrive at 7 a.m and but you know at 8 9 o'clock I'm already exhausted and then I had to go through the day and you're trying to study you've been up since 4 5 a.m so then in my second year like I said come up to my second year they asked me to leave and I moved at that time we moved from Tooting to Mitchum we had moved and then the house in Mitchum got repossessed and we all everyone overnight literally had to move up to a very small town house in Serbetton which was a two bedroom house and there were seven of us seven or eight of us and due to lack of room I used to sleep under the stairs my two brothers would sleep on the front room floor my sister had the box room and my parents had the double room and we were just we were just getting by and then like I said moved up to secondary school in in Surrey and I was like one of three there's three people in my year that was a minority of color and then the whole school was a boy school 500 pupils 600 pupils and it made it was just a war zone the stuff I see happening to guys to Asian kids and things like that to two other kids of color one of them was racist to the other just to fit in that's how psychologically screwed up it was it was like jail brother a lot of bullying going on super amounts of bullying super amount and I'm trying to find my feet because I've been raised violently I didn't want to you know fresh start new school and that and you just got flung into that pit of despair and violence bro so you just had to make your way because it's the first time I've encountered racism in my entire life well done my dad was from Jamaica and my mum was English I never grew up we never had one of those households where if there was an argument your parents would racially abuse each other we weren't like that I never even we were raised equally we never knew we were different then boom I'm in Surrey this boy school and you just make you're told you're different you know I mean there would be racist remarks made during class and teachers would ignore it what yeah bro yeah bravo and what did you do back then was it just ignore it and accept it try to it's not that's not physical bullying it's also the mental torture that comes with that try to exactly I'm already dealing with a lifestyle of trauma and 13 years old and my brothers weren't having it so when they were out locally they were just laying guys out and getting into all sorts of rucks and then on top of the anxiety people come back to me oh did you what your brother done Saturday night I heard your brothers had a riot so although I was a part of the dysfunction of school very little of it overflowed on to me it was just living with that reputation of my brothers the dysfunction of school on a daily I had arguments with the teachers my brother come up to school once to the PE teacher which didn't help it just made things worse and then I ended up my uniform by summer's like 13 14 it was a shirt and trousers I was walking around with my trainers on then no bag no blazer and I got kicked out of almost every class and I'd just either be sat in a hallway or a corridor they give you a little single desk and a bit of paper and that was it and then less less days at school with four days turned to three days two days turned to one day and by the time my exams come about it weren't it weren't happening did you already feel like a failure at such a young age yeah I felt a failure before secondary school definitely so what was the plans coming out of schools it goes straight into crime or was it maybe get a job or what was your your vision to then do something with your life yeah well I when I had a chat with my careers advisor I remember them saying what you want to do what you're going to be by the time you know you're a certain age and I said just successful because I knew like I was already disqualified from academic studies so that wasn't my place in life and by the time I finished school my friends went off to college university but without any qualifications that's not an option so by the time I was 16 I started selling cannabis my dad died when I was 16 I finished school and it was it was me against the world how was that when your dad passed away was that even though it was a hostile environment and probably done but he could have any shop try to raise his best security probably raised you the way he's been raised also that it's a such a crucial age for kids like between 12 and 18 left to lose a parent or family members get more mom and dad get divorced like you tend to see people slip and they slip fast because then the abandonment issues kick right in so when you were going through that at 16 you'd already come from a fucked up life from schooling hostile environment in the household how did you do was that the shackles offered you to then do what you wanted or did you try and think okay I'm going to try and do right to provide for my mom it was conflicting so a few years earlier we lost the shops that we had and my dad was a builder and my mom had to go back to work and it was conflicting so when my dad passed the crazy part is I wanted to be cool about it so I was like shackles are off but my dad made was such a soldier he was such a warrior that he taught us you know I never saw my dad back down from anyone I never show it even when he was going out like and he weren't very well he never showed no it didn't bend you know a tool man in this lifestyle in this world never bent never committed a crime straight up work six days a week and I and you've got to admire that and before before he passed we had a little chat he said cruel look after your mom and that and you know don't smoke the weed you know and I was like I was left with that that was that was his parting message to me and I weren't equipped for the world so it was shackles off for all of us we definitely hit the ground running but at the same time I loved him in all of the madness you know because he firmed it the whole way he just sold you it out the whole way so I respected that about him so it was shackles off though it was yeah instead of taking his advice you went down another bit off brother block out the pain block out the pain what kind of stuff were you involved in like I said I started selling weed cannabis skunk and then my peer group I was selling to them my older brother introduced me to selling cannabis so I was getting that supply off of him and then I started to go back to tooting because we moved up to Surrey I started catching the boss back down so I wanted to see some of my school friends and I met them and I met a ton of other people and it's so vibrant and colorful and I love South London through and through you know I love London but I love South and mate there were some superstars I call them street stars they were just legends on this is before social media you know and I saw that lifestyle and there were people like me who come from nothing and made they're making something for themselves and at that time I didn't care how you did it I'm going to do it you know and I met a couple of people who were definitely legends within their right and one of which introduced me to credit card fraud and again I didn't even know what I was doing I just took the cards because you just wanted more it was just like Oliver twist and I just went out and started swiping and we've done a lot we've done a lot of chaos and before you know it I was about 19 had my first convertible and realized or what I thought I realized I asked this chap basically who was seemed to be fairly successful I said you know he said Claude if you want big money you got to take big risks and my although my cannabis line was popping I said boom most of them are asking for coke when I you know Fridays so I could kill two birds with one stone because when they're buying the weed they're buying the coke and at that time I just wanted to be like the greatest street trader in the world so I wasn't this isn't a story of import and export or anything like that I was just getting as much as I could breaking it down and hitting the street with it yeah so you're making money you're getting your convertibles you're starting to get a bit of attention and power for being feeling worthless your whole life feeling insecure feeling lost don't feel a part of society to then becoming a wee bit popular that's why people keep on that journey because they feel the part of something and that's the fucking scary part even though they're becoming more distant and disconnected so when you're making moves and you're starting to make a bit of money what's life like then so um it was a mad one because just to backtrack a couple of years when I was in school the racism was going on and all of that we went to a little youth club after school and it was run by a bunch of religious folk Christian folk and it was all mumbo jumbo to me but the following Monday one Monday they um came to assembly and I was thinking what are they doing in school like these are that lot you know for god's sake don't tell everybody I'm I didn't know why they were there you know but they they rocked up and his chap gave a talk in assembly he was an ex-hels angel and he said that he'd encountered Christianity and Jesus changed his life so I was like wow that's intense you know I'm sleeping under the stairs at this stage and then um I asked the guys at the youth club if they could get me a Bible and they said they would but they never delivered so that just made me a little bit more resentful so then fast forward I'm 16 my dad passes I'm 19 I got a convertible when I get into a horrific car crash and um I had to go to hospital and I had the operation on my arm and I was waiting on the bed they have me in the little corridor to wait and put me in a room after the operation and this lady comes along West Indian nurse and she says Claude you know what's your name honey boom boom boom I tell her she says you know what Claude I'm not supposed to be working tonight but I think I'm covering this shift because I was meant to meet you so I'm like and she says you know God's calling you there's a fight over your life you know and at the time I'm thinking what is going on like whatever whatever so she gives me her number so I don't even do anything with it as soon as I get out of hospital bro I've got to get some more bread get back on track sort my car out and that and um like I said I started selling coke and uh in my teens I got arrested for a different charge with somebody else and they couldn't press charges but while I was in the cell I was just thinking like I started to pray if I'm to be honest because what do you do you know I just didn't I'm running out of chances so I started to pray that I get out of it all all right and I did and then like you know and also the car crash I met this woman and then my brain's thinking the fella from school what's going on so the whole time I'm out on the front line selling gear and all of that I'm trying to explore what's going on in life and um this happens up until my mid 20s and I was doing very well for myself a lot a lot of doing very well and um at about 32 it was about 30 32 I um started to mentor young offenders uh an opportunity came up and I applied for the role because I just thought you know when you've been in the game 20 years bro 17 years day in day out selling gear never been to prison arrested twice let go of outcharge and one of those times the second time that I got arrested I had a less than a grand in in my wallet and I went to I think it was Fort and Heath police station they arrested me in Croydon and um took your stuff you know and then they let me out to like the weekend later the maximum time they could keep me and then I went to reception to my stuff back and they gave me the empty wallet and I said where's my money and they were like oh what money like Steve you've seen any money Steve's like no I ain't seen any money so I thought you know what the laws this is madness so um you've got enemies on road trying to plot on your downfall now you've got the police stealing your dough and they said to me we know what you're up to Claude you know we know what we're doing what you're doing so they was aware of what I was doing so fast forward a few years later when I was mentoring the young offenders I knew I needed sat in alibi because I spent near on 20 years drug dealing so I started doing that on a voluntarily basis which meant you can go when it chose when you chose to basically and um the manager it was for the council and the manager at the council he was up there you know he had authority and I go along and I don't have you know 300 pound jeans on 400 pound jacket whatever and every day I'd stroll in so they gave me a desk in the offices at the council so you can imagine what I was like young man I used to be in the gym every day ego was bigger than an air balloon and um I'm at my desk swivelling around on the chair because I've got nothing else to do everyone else is typing away and this chap used to come in and used to say hello Claude good morning how are you and I was so taken back that he was showing an interest in me and mate if I was a circle he was a square like if I was a lion brother he was a hedgehog he really it was just different type of guy and then um you know I'd rock up in one of one of my cars park it in the car park at the window of the offices so everyone could see were you still active at that point still active still active and um he was cycling to work or catch a bus or something like that humble guy lunch time so I'll be like who's coming to lunch it's on me and he'd always politely decline and say he's got a packed lunch so I couldn't really cut him rough for his feathers he was manipulating me was just ticking on a different that little white shirt who'd just wear a shirt some chinos humble grounded guy man and um at this point me and my mates my mates buying like 40 grand cars I'm buying 30 grand cars you know guns all sorts is going on in our spare time on the weekends and uh all of a sudden there was a day a team building day where no matter who you are that worked for the council you whether you was a volunteer or a worker you had to go along so at this team building day you had to do an icebreaker there was maybe 100 150 people in the room and I didn't really want to go because I was like I'm only a volunteer do you know what I mean but you had to go and I remember they said uh we're all going to take a turn stand up you know those icebreakers you're just thinking of so there was one lady blesser just to give you an example of what it was like there was one lady who said um introduced herself and she says uh what nobody knows about me so you had to introduce yourself and say one thing no one knows she gets up and she says what no one knows about me is I buy a bar of chocolate after work and I eat it on the bus by the time I get home so that was the type of squares I was thinking oh gosh you know I was like these lot are so square it's unbelievable and then matey the boss or the bosses that fellow who was always saying morning to me it comes to his turn and I'm like oh mate what's now I've got him because I couldn't ruffle his feathers but he's gonna say something so boring isn't he's just gonna and he stands up and it's quietly confident it was unreal and he says um he introduces himself and he says what no one knows about me and he produces a little box and he produces a little crucifix and he holds it up and he says I'm a Christian and Jesus changed my life and mate I don't know why yeah but at that moment it's just like I couldn't get it like it's just mind blowing for me because I thought up you know what sort of life I'd live brother to conquer my demons to to engage with my fears and then this little fella stands up as cool as a cucumber as solid as a rock and declare something like that and I just wanted to know more I remember just thinking what what type of perpetual is he running on that he gets his confidence from that because my confidence come from life experiences I need to conquer women I need to conquer guys I need to conquer the law I need to outsmart everyone I need cars money you're just so empty inside brother so um he had to shoot off but I went and pinched him and I said mate you know he said I've got to catch a train called I'm terribly sorry and I said I'll give you a lift you know he said no no it's fine Claude I got and I said mate get in the car brother and he looked to me I don't know if he was more concerned or I was but we were definitely intrigued why was it so distance towards you like kind of blockages there not to really let you in not to really think he felt your presence was a bit off your energy was a bit off that it wasn't your time like want to go for lunch he would kindly decline want to get in the car he would kindly decline do they think he's seen that you are still rough around the edges I think what was interesting is I think you're absolutely right he knew I was rough around the edges but he wasn't he wasn't compelled or impressed by the money or the cocky attitude or the big ego so he would engage with me and say morning no one else would say morning to me they'd all walk past no I don't know if they were scared or just worried or didn't want to know but no one else would say a word to me you know one or two colleagues of mine would have a bit of banter and we but he was always polite always addressed me but didn't allow himself to appear impressed by my persona did that annoy you that somebody wasn't buying your bullshit yes yeah because I want to know it like you ain't got to love me mate you can hate me but I guarantee you I invoke an emotion in you yeah yeah so what happened once again your car so I just I said it's so fascinating because I never I never really to my memory had encountered a Christian before um so I said it's fascinating what you said where can I find out more and he said have you heard um of an alpha course what's that you know a 10 week course introduction to Christianity where friendly atmosphere you could go along and find out more no pressure involved so I raced home checked online that happened to be a course starting locally the next day signed up to that straight away what do you think you were searching for what was I searching for I think at that point in life especially you were still active especially you were still doing what you were doing to make a crust and having all the material stuff to then usually people would hit rock bottom usually when people are in prison they search for something and a piece but you searched when at the height of everything yeah yeah yeah I just think what had become a reality for me is selling a couple of drawers down down the park to your friends when you're 15 16 you're now 30 32 you're buying kilos and you can buy pretty much whatever you want and then watch the point someone's getting shot my friend's getting locked up this other fella dies rehearses are getting raided I lost count how much times my mum's ass has gone got turned over and then what and then what so then what now that now that you're in it full speed ahead now what you know because anybody that's really made any real bread you know I don't care how much dough you got you know it's just a means to an end you're not getting there's no substance to it so I think I thought when my younger years that stuff will give me a value and worth self-worth but when you get all of that and you risk your life doing it for 20 years and you're just you're even emptier than you were when you started can't hold down a relationship women you were meeting were more broken than you are friends of psychopaths literally what's going on so I went along to find out what these lot was on and it was it was interesting when I turned up at the course there was a lady who I'd corresponded with via email the night before and she approached me and she said oh you must be clawed and you know she had a big smile and I was thinking what's she you know what's going on so then she put her hand down and shook my hand and I'd never made living that my lifestyle when do you ever shake hands with anyone it's not like the films or the mafia you shake hands and kiss each other do you know what I mean and I remember thinking well she's treating me civilized bro and then she invited me along and it's in a little sort of coffee shop and they had a little chat and it weren't nothing heavy no one was trying to convert or brainwash anyone so I said you know it's not too bad maybe after an hour or so whatever when it finished I thought I'll come back the next week and then the next week I'll pull up part my convertible across the road round the back so no one can see me and I rock up and I said there's that bird again you know I'm going to get her first so I stick my hand out boom and she just opens her arms and hugs me and again mate mind-blowing like what I can't remember the last time I'd had a hug bro like it's like unless you give a bird what she wants and they claim to love you they don't only love you when it's working for them but this woman's just boom hits me with a hug and then I go into the coffee shop and there's a young fella in there who's a co-host and I walk up and he says claud how you doing man I'm like good good and then he hits me with a hug and I was like mate you know our lifestyle bro my community if you compliment somebody it's considered weakness if I say I think you're awesome mate people look at me funny like I'm a weirdo bro and this fella's confident enough to give me a hug publicly and let you know you get called for that sort of thing brother yeah so I was like these are on a different time bro and then you know I left and the whole week I was just thinking you know I'm still active at this stage but I'm still thinking what are these lot on because they are definitely running off a different type of fuel and in the third week I went along and you know we watched a video and we had the coffee and we was invited to ask Jesus into our life if we chose to bro and you know my ego was so big yeah I was so full of pride I said you know what I'm gonna do it just to prove nothing's gonna happen I'm gonna do it saying all of my cockiness yeah I'm such a fool bro I'm so empty I closed my eyes bro and I said I dare you if you're real and you can do what these people say you can do I dare you Jesus to come into my life and make a change and I kid you not bro in that moment I had my eyes shut man and it was like time stopped bro no word of a lie it was so silent I forgot anyone else was even in the in the coffee shop it was just the intimacy was so tangible you could just feel it like you could feel the moment bro and I felt it felt like I had my eyes shut forever but I only had them closed for a few seconds and when I opened them I knew right there and then there had been a shift and if I was going to make a change it was going to happen right there and then that's when life started changing is that when you stopped doing what you were doing in the background I was still active bro yeah I still how long did it take for you to quit that by the end of the 10 week course I told the vicar and come clean and I switched my blowers off and haven't switched them back on what's your frenzy at this time when you're active you're talking about guns and killings and drugs and all the bullshit of the day to then turn the fucking turn the phones off to then yeah what they thinking it was mad bro so my elder brother he really finds out what's going on he wings my mum up and he tells my mum when he says Claude's gone mad bible basher bible basher cuckoo lunatic he's gone mad I was literally talking about my mum and my mum's dead bless her trying to defend me as she always did he's not mad he's not mad I was into my room I guess I was living with my mum at the time and I could hear her saying he's not mad you know and I thought like some real people think I'm nuts you know and at that time my social circle was very very small anyway because when you had that amount of work and that and people these were people whom you've been so accountable to your whole life I knew secrets about them and they knew secrets about me that we'd never share so they just knew like if I'm saying I want out yeah you know no matter what my motivation was they respected it because they were respectable people art they knew what I was capable of and I knew what they were capable of so they you know a few of the stragglers questioned it you know how we get to see me on the paper and you're doing well for yourself the burner phones are going through the hook like you're making proper paper like how did your friends treat you that was there any paranoia that you would have been bumped yeah like there's no fucking lawyer amongst thieves none none at all but obviously when you grow up with people there's a tight unit but people grow apart they begin to relationships have kids people just want to turn turn their life around and move on but there's always that paranoia shit he knows something that's when people end up getting took off the cars because it's the worry of what happens then that was really that with your friends yeah and not just my friend it's just the actual transactions so it got sticky so you know you're turning up 20 grand 25 grand you're buying a box or whatever half a box are loose and then this fella's got a mate who's got it and he knows a fella who's gonna bring it and then all of a sudden you're saying shall I come bring something shall I bring someone else or now come on your own and then shall I go and get a strap or something and then my mate he got locked up for popping someone and then at one stage of my life and I was up some weekends I make five grand a day just you know it can happen like and there were people making way more dough than I was brother I was the nice guy of the group but they reached a point I wouldn't get changed until I got showered so I see I had my shutters shut all the time you know I'm peeking through and um I sleep on top of my bed fully clothed in case the door went you don't know is it the police is it drug dealers is it who is it extortionist so I'd have a shower get changed put more clothes on this is how cuckoo your brain and bury in dough bruv this is how no people exaggerate you can't bury bread like that it goes off brother so all these people that's films boom boom boom I'm burying you can't bury dough like that and the other thing what people don't say and it might have just been me but I doubt it very much if I heard any type of siren police car fire engine ambulance yeah your heart is banging bro I was doing getaways when I didn't even have to do getaways I see cut of sirens in the mirror brother and I hit the gas boom I'm off and I didn't even have to I was just so you're living so tense you're so wound up so when I when I came clean about what I was doing of course I had to get another job and uh I've got a job as a barista part time I was earning six pound fifty an hour but that was the biggest game changer because at that time I still had the motors boom but the shop I am the coffee shop I began working in was in a no parking zone on the high street and uh there was no parking in the area so at the time I had a range over sports on the drive convertible Audi and I had to be at a coffee shop for 5am and no night buses were running so you know it's November December cold dark and wet and then I was like mate I got a walk took two and a half three miles to work and you got 70 grand of cars if not more sat on your driveway just little moments like that that will really make you question who you are brother see when you're active yeah how many times do the words that your dads say ring in your mind yeah it's interesting I stopped smoking weed long before I stopped selling it and the whole time I never be clear I never did this for my mother my mother was a stand-up woman with integrity but it's nice when Christmas comes around I went to Harrods and I said I want a Christmas tree out the window you know it's nice having that option seven foot tree it would make it I was so screwed up the top of the tree would touch the ceiling in the front room but there my mum was blessed I was buying her stuff that my mum had a jewellery box like a treasure chest it was bananas bro let alone myself yeah my dad died I was the same little son get your life in order yeah I never did a slip for fucking many over 10 years and I used to sit at parties full of coke and booze and I used to think you still always come into my mind as if to say like used to see him think shaking his head and think what the fuck are you doing because before he died I remember I was in the back of my mum's house as well and when we were sleeping we must have been about four in the morning but he was in another room and I heard him shouting James James listen and I always played in my fucking mind so when I used to sit and get mad where I used to hear that voice and I used to think what the fuck am I doing am I tripping balls am I hearing something that I used to always play in my mind and now obviously I'm in a good place that voice goes so I don't know if there's people out there but you can hear what I don't know what the fuck it is but it was always I don't know if it was just me tricking my mind to try and give myself the shake to make the changes so seeing your dad saying that are you and your lives going down hell you're fucking up you're destroying other people's lives to buy Christmas trees at Harrods like was it ever in your mind that you wanted to change for your dad as well? It's a great question I think I wanted to be my parents to be proud of me but before I started to make there was a stage after my dad died we had to move house we ended up in a council flat on an estate which is fine but it wasn't in a house what we were used to me and my mum for a period of life was eating bread sandwiches for dinner I'd have two slices she has one and then you know you ever seen the penny jar go empty bruv like when you're dealing with that level of poverty and by the time 10 years later and I was pretty much by whatever I wanted within reason um my dad's voice got quieter and quieter and I was like dad you were a he was a warrior my dad was a soldier so he knows your son's out here on the front line every day bruv I'm just thinking about what he said if they someone starts when you hit them if they hit you hit them back bruv I'm bread we'll do that to you yeah yeah so when you started making the changes when you've done your 10 week course and you're active and you're coming away from it how did your life change for the better yeah so firstly that little coffee shop job you know what was beautiful about that to be able to get up here and have meaning have direction have a purpose so I've gone along and slapped my apron on and sure people are like what's he doing he's working a coffee shop but mate after that shift was over bro I felt like a man of character bro I'm paying the bills and that you know I mean so it was a wonderful feeling and then that October I got baptized and that was that confirmed my thoughts when I got baptized man I just felt brand new whether or not it happens I felt brand new bro I can only share my truth with you and when I came about that war I said yeah this is it I'm done with it and sure man like I had to sell my cars I got rid of my I could afford the lifestyle I once had um and it's been difficult bro but it's been worth it mate let's drop away your ego I think I'm stripping away my ego that might be a journey that lasts the rest of my life but it's certainly you know it's the fire that turns the silver into gold because I've got many friends in prison just now I've got many friends who've been in and out and they would never get a job ever ever no matter if it was a grand a week two grand a week decent fucking wage they would still knock it back because they don't believe in getting told what to do yeah they think it's a a mug game they see it as a weakness when really it's a strength to get up in the morning put on fucking work clothes and go and do a shift and come back like I was like that mentality for so long yeah and I wouldn't get told what to do because I thought I was I would tell someone to fuck off yeah who the fuck are you talking to it's a man who's created a business it's giving me an opportunity to provide my family but I didn't see opportunities and I just seen problems and issues like I'll get no one will tell me what to do and a lot of people are like that too much pride too much ego to then accept that go and get a job provide for your family stop making excuses like there's plenty of jobs out there there is plenty of jobs if you want a job you can get one whether it's sweeping the streets a hotel port or whatever it is that there's good people out there who offer plenty of opportunities so when you started working getting a month's wage but you could have probably made them one day back in the streets like how long did you battle with that for was there any times doing that job with you for I'm going to go back being active because I'm I'm scrimping and scraping especially when you take away travel expenses food you're probably getting coffees and food in there but you take all that you're left with not much so was there times you thought I'm going to go back in the beginning no it's been nearly eight years now but in the beginning no for the first few years because they say there's an old saying isn't it the measure of a man doesn't come from comfort and convenience but from trial and tribulation so I was enjoying learning about myself bro I never even knew what I liked it was only a few years ago I got my first pair of wellies bruv which is absolutely laughable but imagine in my lifestyle when am I going to go for a country walk I didn't even know what I liked bruv like that's madness that people don't even hobbies never had a hobby until a few years ago it's like people don't even know themselves so I was enjoying knowing myself the only thing where it got crazy is um learning to live with the less money and I ended up getting myself in a lot of debt I was in about six and a half grams of a debt and the little money I could afford to pay off monthly was um wasn't enough it was barely covering the interest and at that point I managed to get a job at church um working in a homeless shelter and there was other volunteers there but I was being paid to work there as part I began training so to speak and um one Sunday I was really losing sleep about this because six and a half grand you know I mean I had that sort of throwaway cash before and um one of the chaps in church come up to me and uh I was considered you know I was training so I wasn't you know and he said to me I clawed house things and I said good and I didn't really know the guy and he said um Claude how's your finances and if I'm honest bro my pride caught me in it and I thought who's he asking you know so I said yeah my finances are fine everything's lovely but I'm in six and a half grams of a debt you know but I told him everything's lovely then when I walked away man I was like oh god why did I do that I don't know what was gonna come of it but I'm trying to be a truthful chap man the truth sets you free brother so I don't want any secrets I don't want any darkness put light in the darkness bro and I walked away and like for about three days it ate me it just it was eating me and I said you know what god like if someone else should ask me about my finances I'm going to tell the truth because it's not every day you know when I met you I didn't ask you about yours and you didn't ask me about mine so for this chap to ask me I thought it was a bit peculiar so I promised myself if anyone ever asks me again I'll tell the truth and then just bro ironically coincidence you call it but a week later someone else come up to me said hi Claude how's things I said yeah very well how are you yeah well how's your finances Claude and I was like you know what he's asked so I'm gonna tell him I said mate I'm in debt six and a half grand credit cards I'm drowning out here you know and he said I'm sorry to hear that Claude ended the conversation and I thought oh me you know at least I told the truth that's what I said I was gonna do a few days later I get a phone call fella got my number got in contact and he said Claude I spoke to my mrs and we've decided we want to pay off your six and a half grand debt you know we're gonna pay the whole thing off and I was like this is mad that's a small lottery win isn't it that's like six and a half grand and he said not only that for the next few months until you get on your feet we're going to give you five hundred pound a month bro I don't know the gut like that's mad bruv they've done exactly that paid off every debt I had they asked me give them the bills they'll pay it all off and put five hundred pound in my account for the next three months while I was getting on my feet what do you think that is I know there's good people out there who do good things what do you think when you start becoming a better person better things happen in your life I think it was an answer to my prayers but to answer your question that when I was a bad person that a lot of bad stuff happened didn't like bruv so I think it was an answer to my prayers it was mad to witness that and I've seen a couple of things happen like that you know and what one fascinating thing happened when I started working the homeless shelter there were a few volunteers there and one of the volunteers was I must tell tell this to Michael Emmett and uh Michael Emmett is a fascinating guy I love him to death and um there used to be a ping-pong table in the homeless shelter and mate I was there after we served breakfast you know we got our plastic aprons on and we're doing our bit and Michael's there legend volunteering and there's a few others and there's a ping-pong table in the corner so some of the guys are playing the homeless fellows so I go over and I start playing and I'm not bad you know I'm in we've given each other a good run and then Michael comes along and he's such a beautiful character and he says oh gentlemen you know do you mind if I have a go when you finish may I have a turn so I'm like oh I could take him it's Michael innit mate Michael's probably one of the best ping-pong players in the entire country because he died god knows how long it's sad and he cleared up bro he's clearing up he cleared up so a couple of years that I worked in that homeless shelter was lovely um we had a lot of fun and I got to know Michael daily and I met um not through the shelter but through the church Shane Taylor another church yeah good big guy Shane two great guys like one's a drug lord one's wanted to kill people both put on this podcast like like we're religion and stuff like I'm open to it all I've not followed one and I believe that this is what I believe in this is what I'm going to preach this and that but I'm open to everybody's story I'm giving everybody a this is what these podcasts are so good because it's to get an understanding of everybody's lives why they were how they were raised the path they chose and the path they've chosen now like doors open for different people at different times it's just all down to you what doors you want to step in yeah like I'm for anything if it's helping you helping other people around you as long as you're not hurting anyone like yeah life is a beautiful mess sometimes and it's it has its wobbles it has its moments but all you can do is soldier on keep swimming and and make sure you don't sink which is a difficult thing people we talk about mental health a lot and when you're stuck on social media when you're drinking coffee taking drugs and gambling and just hating on yourself all the time eating bad foods talking shit like anxiety is high for our reasons because you're doing all of those things that trying to take away one at a time and you start your vision starts to become clear that everybody's kind of leaving the same clues on this podcast as to why they wanted to change and how they changed first of all they didn't like the who they were so they made sacrifices and adjustments to then go and better life which is a difficult thing because we're so caught up in a bubble where we step back into the life of chaos and misery because it's what we're ingrained to it's what we're conditioned to believe it's a normal life but it's not man like I said there it can be a beautiful journey if you want it to be obstacle still pop up problems still pop up but it's how we react to those problems like am i learning like with Spokane on the podcast i'm still learning bro like i don't have all the answers but look what i'm achieving over the last three four years it can be done but i need to be as honest as i can be to people like it ain't an easy journey but with making the negative adjustments and taking them out your life positive it makes room for the positives to come in and then you start seeing the world differently and when you see the world differently then new things happen like it is it's a crazy fucking experience this life but it's also a it's also a beautiful one when you when you truly see the beauty in life because you can walk out this street and see so many negatives raining people not happy but then you can see fucking thousands of thousands of beautiful things if you truly want to see it as well it's just the way you want to look at the world but when you're going through all those adjustments like you're coming across guys like Shane Taylor that he was on the podcast broke down wanted to kill people all the time like you look up and you think you're a fucking psycho i'm going to be honest my go good guy but then you're thinking all the drugs are used to important you're thinking another crack pot then yourself and you talk about your back story that we're all kind of crazy in our own certain way but people can make changes and that's the beautiful thing that i'll always promote a lot of people say you can repeat myself with this stuff but i might have new listeners and then i've also got people listening all the time because if i say it enough then they'll truly start believing in it and that's when i can start making the changes so when you're making all these people then changing your life how your mum must have been proud yeah bro and i think just the touch on the mindset thing mate it's like what would you rather be a live and a dog or dead and a lion you know and we got this mindset where they rather us shut up instead of speak up but mental health is a real reality within our community and the thing is we have this tradition in this this culture of like if it ain't broke don't fix it so there's people who are too proud to say but all they're doing is drowning in their own toxicity and anxiety and they're going to drown bro they're not going to make it out because they're not speaking up and we've got to change the narrative that is called to ask the help man you've got to tell someone do you know in the zoo they toss the monkeys bananas not because that's all they'll eat just because that's all they'll ever accept so what do you think is going to happen the monkeys are only going to have bananas for the rest of their lives bro they'll eat so much more and that's a shut up not speak up mentality so we need to change the narrative if i don't feel well bro i'm telling someone mental health is if not just as important if not more important than physical health these are things within the community we need to highlight but um to answer your question yeah my mum mate my mum was so far it's unreal because you know at one point and i'm sure you know she's passed on now god bless her but what was crazy yeah this is how polluted i was a lot of this stuff my mum was doing the driving for which is madness and i'm not proud i mean i've made so many mistakes i'm not proud of anything i've done trust me trust me bro but my mum it got to a point where my mum was coming and she was only five foot bless her you know what i mean and it got to a point where people my other social circle would say listen is mate i'd love for your mum to drive my motor for me across of course i'd never let her but she was turning up my mum's been around some of the most lethal criminals in london and never said a word bro got her ass raided never spoke a word of it bro and went out like my dad mate when they passed on they were so firm stood firm in it never broke never broke down bro just held it whatever came embraced the fear of the unknowing and we can't even live in this circular world you know i mean but she got to see you thrive and make changes like you say there if she's dropping off parcels or doing this you're just thinking in your mind because you're conditioned to give her a nana so she can eat better and have a better christmas have a better life pair balls that she'll not see anything wrong at the time where i would grow up like everybody had a nana for somebody if they wanted it no matter if it was a fucking women at 16 a girl at 16 or a woman at fucking 100 if somebody wanted to make paper nobody's thinking of the consequences that's how fucking deluded people are that if people want to make money there was always earners for people to make money for any age any fucking color any any gender that was earners there even though it was some of the worst ones that people were trying to make 250 500 quid like back in the day it was normal and you know what's amazing brother she never got anything out of it she just loved me so much she never done drugs my dad never done drugs none of it she didn't answer a penny her whole life you know some people say i'll do it if you do this or pay the rent or she never asked for a penny so she did it for nothing other than love for me and i never sent her out on her own i was always with her and i never let her do any work for anyone else but my mum was so uh my mum loved me unconditionally but she got to see you making your changes she got to see me begin my studies religious studies unfortunately she never saw the book come to fruition but um she knew about it she knew about the whole thing you know my mum was such an advocate of me she was the only one who ever championed me even when i lost and took a l brother she used to say don't worry about it so what what's the worst that can happen you know they pounded my cars and whatnot and uh i had to get them back and my mum handled the legal side of it she they're not going to take your cars they ain't got any right to do that and she got on the phone and she's calling about and she's proving how i got them legally you know stood stood for me the whole way so but but now i'm in i'm in uh like i said at the beginning i'm in my final years of study god willing next year i'll be ordained so i'm training to be a priest in the church of england so i'll get the collar in that and we're changing the narrative from the inside out what we're everybody's welcome i don't know sometimes there's a lie in life the church is only for the upper class um type of people people ain't good enough for church but jesus hung next to the criminals bro you know and and uh if you really read the word read the bible jesus was for the people brother jesus god is for the people i don't know why people will say i'm too bad for church i'm too bad for heaven if you knew how wrong that was there's it's impossible you could never be too bad for heaven god loves us because he made us man why do you think a lot of people who do make those changes internally cries come from prison a lot of men turn like men get a rough ride like men battle a lot not just with mental health but the majority of men that are in prison majority of people in prison are men the majority of people are homeless are men like the majority of people who are down wars are men like the majority of people who are suicidal are men like the majority of people who get fucking assaulted are men like it's a tough life for a man like women have got it tough as well but suicide rates so high men because we are the ones who are i i believe personally we are weaker than women i believe we are the weaker gender like even though we are man we are warriors should be hunters but we don't express our feelings and our emotions much where suppressing at all eventually comes to a head and the pressure's just too much that people just want to end their life and that's it's a scary place to be that i've never been suicidal myself i've had suicidal thoughts with drinking drugs and thinking fuck me what's the point of being here would people miss me if i died that you go over it but i never had the bottle to end your life and it's scary to think that people think it's a better way of taking your life than actually riding it out here and trying to make changes that's to feel hopeless and helpless like that's a sad place to be in a man that it's just if we had the remedy to help everybody we could but we can't we just need to make ourselves strong and hopefully it guides others out with darkness like i say i'm not for one religion or the other i'm open to everybody open to your story like my calls and shanes and everybody on this platform's different to tell their story and somebody will watch this and go do you know what because i've had many addictions when i used to go to like n-a-n-g-a um a lot of people used to turn to christ i never went down that route but the people who did it helped them they've focused on an energy and they've they've run with it it's totally transformed their life 20 30 years they're still cleaning they're not gambling they're not taking drugs that people watch this and think fucking the bible bashing shit all our people go do you know what it makes sense to me i'm gonna give that a try where can i get this course or because the alpha course is very popular in prisons are yeah yeah it runs in prisons as well and out so you can go to your local church and inquire about the alpha course yeah so life now then how did the book and stuff come about guns to god how's this yeah bad boy get about my journey from drug dealing to deliverance yeah heart wrenching and beautiful story of transformation yeah how did this come about um actually it started in 2010 when i was in therapy so i've had like you said suicide in for men is the number one killer for men between i think is 25 and 45 yeah suicide rate is the number one killer if we actually embrace what that means imagine that the death toll for men nothing else is killing men more than suicide between 25 and 45 so in 2010 when i began therapy and counseling i was um i was loaded mate i was going like twice a week riddled with anxiety and uh my therapist said you know one of the ways you can it was therapeutic is sometimes to write so um i couldn't tell anyone else about my woes and she was sworn to confidentiality um so i started writing then some years later someone approached me a couple of years ago instead of you thought about writing a book and i said i don't know if i'm an author but i know i've got some diaries and some pads stashed somewhere and um i dug them out finished them off and boom you know the uh we came up with that where can people buy your book Claude if people google me online Claude Jackson Claude without any guns to god it will pop up or amazon or spck is the publishers um yeah you'd be able to get it online or order it waterstones wh myths it's available we will leave the links in the description looking back in your life what do you think what a hot mess what a hot mess brother personally i found my freedom through jesus whom i tell you what jesus is real brother i just wish i encountered him earlier you know but it's been a hot mess but there's always hope man how's your brothers and stuff treat you now are you in a good contact or the drifted apart yeah we all drifted off a couple of them don't talk to me why you'd have to ask them um a lot of it's got money to do i think people think there's bread floating about i don't know we're all so vindictive manipulative human beings i couldn't possibly tell you exactly why but we just don't get along maybe we don't see eye to eye and um yeah it's just family you know everyone's got a motive for their behavior and i'm just trying to walk a straight line bro i i i mate i fail every day i can't live up to my own expectations so anybody else i'm gonna let down how does that affect you try to move forward in life and my family yeah family mate we wear vessels bro i'm really looking for eternity bro my time on earth is just for others to to share with them bro seriously man i just want my life to be for others and help people to conquer their fears and get over their demons and the mad thing is here's something for the naysayers which is interesting to say the least for me if i'm telling you something that changed my life for the better and it could change yours for the better how is that bad i'm not taking any money off you i'm not asking you to commit a crime i'm gonna ask you to fund nothing i don't understand how people can i get kicked back if i get kicked back how that can happen because all i'm saying is something that changed my life for the better could change yours yeah it's difficult though because when you start doing well people always bring up your past people like to but as time goes on you realize the past is the past for a reason you're trying to learn from not make the same mistakes twice so you can help guide others remember people stuck in that well thinking as well the old mentality where if you're changing your life and coming out that circle you then become a grass you then become you speaking out of school and that's in that you then become a threat to the fake bubble that's in it but they're on that journey where they can't see that or anybody that's in that life because when i started making changes like it becomes difficult because you question yourself am i going fucking crazy part of me thinks yeah i was that i ended up doing a reiki course man like healing energy and for where i came from to what i used to do and what i was involved in to then sit in this house with fucking six older women try to heal each other with her hands it felt it felt normal to me it felt good and then i've posted my certificate to say i'm a reiki master and i get fucking slaughtered because it's the unknown the fear of the unknown nobody doesn't understand that but yet so they will project their fears onto you i don't understand that what the fuck is that weirdo doing because i'm not standing in a pub anymore snot on lines because i don't want to do terms because i don't want to do bad shit to make my money because i don't want to see any more pain in misery like my family's seen enough pain in misery in my own family and also caused it in other families like i don't want to see that anymore i'm sick of the screams i'm sick of the nightmares i'm sick of the bullshit so what do you do make adjustments right down what i needed to change and it's been a seven-year process had a couple of relapses along the way still think about going fucking mental from time to time but i'm a human being i'm a working process i don't shy away and that's where the beauty is that there's always keys and there to unlock those of your potential and everybody's got potential everybody's got greatness everybody can be a great individual and learn from their mistakes it's because when you start making changes as well you worry about your past because what that then does is puts people back in their box again because i think fuck me i'm not wanting to be anything special because it's the pressure that comes back the hate and rage that comes where that makes you want to step back and just become an average joe i want to be great man i want to leave a legacy and show what can be done by pushing through the pain pushing through the obstacles and and raising to be better but it's constant pressure on yourself do you feel that also when you start making changes to then track become a better person because the path i always think about the past even though i'm always about track concentrating the power of now the past always slips in so for you you're through that journey turning to christ and writing a book how much does the past come into play sure um i think that's really important to highlight it's it's weird brother because i think people if i see someone trying to train train for a marathon yeah instead of telling them they're gonna fail i'm the sort of guy that wants to train just to see if i could do it as well maybe even do it a bit quicker i'm just wired like that so when i think when people i think take a negative because they say attack is the best form of defense i think it's their own vulnerabilities and wounds and bro i feel your heart and like i i know your heart i see your pain bro i see the brokenness in you we're all broken so if someone wants to throw my past up bro so be it because i i'm not trying i wrote a book i'm not trying to deny it i tell people every day i am flawed mate and i'm gonna make mistakes every day because guess what we're never gonna be perfect so if you can look at me and say all right you know what or look how far james has come and he hasn't had an easy time maybe i can do it too that's what i don't get join the marathon bruv run the racer with us you know i don't understand why people would try and discredit or harm bring some sort of negativity to the positivity um i think they're fearful and it's all right to be scared you know i'm i'm broken i'm scared every day brother i'm gonna make a hot mess of everything every day of the week bro and uh but i'm just putting it out there because why pretend to be perfect and hold when you're not and you probably never will be the truth sets you free for for real bro i'm just it's a pursuit for freedom for anybody that's maybe going through struggle brother that's maybe battling with mental health what advice would you give for them seek help first and foremost seek professional advice get um speak to a doctor speak to someone tell someone mental health is not a joke like we said it's the number one killer for men under 45 so definitely address that what about for anybody that's maybe want to go down the route you went down what advice or how can they get in contact with you um you can contact me on facebook you can contact me on my instagram claud jackson ldn i'll be happy to talk with them and that's i don't care if you're still caught up in it and you're still active like or you want to try and pursue the road i've gone down and find more wholeness in life and answers let's do it brother would you like to finish up on anything else no no no it's been a pleasure to be here James you're an absolute legend thank you and uh more power to you brother and like i said anyone that wants to reach out mate i'm i'm a message away i'll get back to you that's why i'll get back to you i know a lot of these guys online brav you know because when i meet you there how old are you six four six five i'm about six eight are you yeah yeah yeah and that myth about tall people and basketball was alive brav i joined a basketball team some years ago and it was rough stuff mate a lot of elbows to the head and i said no i got i can't do this much longer yeah that's like did you not use that did you become more of a target then for people that being so tall or did you use it as an advantage to bully i mean in my early days i got bullied and i became a bully in my teens i never had a one-on-one in my life brav in clubs and raves and pubs i was always there was always 10 20 guys who tried to rush me or and you know i had to hit the fire exit or grab a tool and calm everyone down because you know it's whatever whenever wherever that was my mindset so yeah i was always outnumbered just being a big guy but it comes with the territory but i was never strong enough for them just to tell the truth i've never always had to do a runner or something like that brav but thanks for your honesty brother absolute pleasure to see what you do for the rest of the future brother thank you bro god bless you bro cheers james