 Whole truth young their initial knee jerk reactions. I am sick of their smugness and snark I am not sick of their smugness and snark. I enjoy it a couple of lefties Who have created a fantastic podcast if books could kill? This is from their episode on the 48 laws of power honesty rarely strengthens friendship Don't tell people stuff. It's not just like oh does this guy have friends? It's also like has he like read a book Have you like seen a movie where two people have a have a friendship if you watch Google hunting What's funny about this chapter is that like the actual advice that he gives is just like if you need to do business stuff Don't hire your friends. That's not because your friends are like evil and scheming I know he expresses it like the most sociopathic way possible But what we're diving into Peter you're you're you're seeing this like this kind of general rule of like friends are bad Right, and you're like, okay, what example is he going to give right because every law has these fucking anecdotes in it Right and he's like fables and shit on like the margins So this is so he illustrates this with the fable Okay, it's a little bit long But to me it's important to like really revel in the story and like get the full picture Actually, why don't I send it to you so this is like he says like African proverb or something I don't know where he's pulling this from Africa a snake chased by hunters asked a farmer to save its life to hide it from its Pursuers the farmer squatted and let the snake crawl into his belly But when the danger had passed and the farmer asked the snake to come out the snake refused It was warm and safe inside on his way home the man saw a heron and whispered what had happened The heron told him to squat and strain to eject the snake when the snake stuck its head out The heron caught it pulled it out and killed it The farmer was worried that the snake's poison might still be inside him And the heron told him that the cure for snake poison was to cook and eat six white fowl You're a white fowl said the farmer he grabbed the heron put it in a bag and carried it home Where he hung it up while he told his wife what had happened I'm surprised at you said the wife the bird does you a kindness? Rids you of the evil in your belly saves your life yet you catch it and talk of killing it She immediately released the heron and it flew away, but on its way it couched out her eyes What is the lesson here? Well, I don't even understand the ostensible Theoretical reason for the bird gouging out their wife's eyes. It's actually the good one in the story It's literally like if you try to be nice It will backfire because the person you were nice to will take advantage of you possibly attack and try to kill you What the fuck is this? Also, what was this snakes plan for the next several days? We're then we're gonna do one more of these Peter. Okay in law three conceal your intentions He says most people are open books They say what they feel blurred out their opinions at every opportunity and constantly reveal their plans and intentions Many believe that by being honest and open they are winning people's hearts and showing their good nature They are greatly deluded honesty is actually a blunt instrument which bloodies more than it cuts Your honesty is likely to offend people It is much more prudent to tailor your words telling people what they want to hear rather than the course and ugly truth of what you feel or think During the war of the Spanish succession in 1711 The Duke of Marlboro head of the English army wanted to destroy a key french fort because it protected a vital thoroughfare Yet he knew that if he destroyed it the French would realize what he wanted Instead he merely captured the fort and garrisoned it with some of his troops making it appear as if he wanted it for some Purpose of his own the French attacked the fort and the Duke let them recapture it once they had it back Though they destroyed it figuring that the Duke had wanted it for some important reason now that the fort was gone The road was unprotected and Marlboro could easily march into France. What the fuck is what that's not like It conceal your intentions is really really good advice if you are in the midst of medieval warfare The ability of that to translate to my everyday life where most of my interactions are with the kebab guy I just don't see it like what does this even get me like in the workplace context? This is what it's so fascinating to me is like after I tried several times to read this book I did make it through one recent robert green book, but I've tried various times to get through his books and given up I think their critiques are pretty fair here through a while the anecdotes get very repetitive It's like ancient china the roman empire ancient greece. He has a bunch of stories of nicola tesla A ton of stories about nicola tesla. He has a bunch of like uh, louis the 14th like french court Pre-revolution france things. Sure. He does not have i'm not exaggerating a single anecdote in this entire book from an office Give you this like little aphorism And then the next paragraph will be like in 252 the emperor so-and-so of china wanted to conquer the general something something You're like, why am I hearing this? I'm just picturing jay-z reading this That's why he has so many lyrics about the duke marlboro a huge percentage of this book is basically just like unbelievably Oh, oh gosh, so racist thinking that a An accomplished black musician like jay-z Would not be up to readings an intellectually formidable tone by robert green so racist So see a path of advice right law seven let others do the work for you But always take the credit no doubt law 12 use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim He uses the word victim throughout In that law victim is like like your friend, right? Or like my co-worker who didn't get the promotion and I did right in law 14 Pose as a friend work as a spy. He has this whole thing about like crush your enemies completely And again, you're just like robert. I work at quiz nose. I don't have like enemies I'm trying to think of where this would apply to most and maybe it's like if you're like a cabinet member or something He actually uses a ton of examples from henry kissinger Yeah, and like yeah, if you're the secretary of state and you're dealing with like weird conniving other heads of state And like you kind of are in some way engaged in some of these like power battles Then like yeah, some of this stuff is useful conceal your intentions, right? Like you've sort of like literally dedicated your life to the pursuit of power You're not coming into contact day to day with people who you're just trying to like build fulfilling relationships With right if you're living henry kissinger's life, you are a sociopath and you have chosen the life of a sociopath You know before we get to the other categories of information this book contains I just want to talk a little bit about like the specific kind of sociopathy that he's promoting here So in the intro he says genuinely innocent people may still be playing for power and are often horribly effective at the game Since they are not hindered by reflection once again Those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all you can recognize these supposed non-players By the way, they flaunt their moral qualities their piety their exquisite sense of justice But since all of us hunger for power and almost all of our actions are aimed at acquiring it The non-players are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority Uh, this is this is just what republicans believe You see it all the time in the language they use when they talk about virtue signaling for example Which you know, I think you can say is a real thing But they are obsessed with the idea that progressives who talk about morality and you know doing the right thing Etc. Are faking it and in fact they have these devious plans Right and that's because they accept this framing of the world where everyone is scheming out for power out for themselves You read a paragraph like this and the conclusion might as well be like and this is why we need more police on the street It's like either play the game of thrones or get little fingerblasted This is what he's laying out I like how you did your own spin on an already perfectly sufficient line from game of thrones When you play the game of thrones, you live or you die. Okay, you could have just said that But no, you said fingerblasted And I was like, I don't know when I have heard that term other than like eighth grade and like right now It's a disgusting term. This is what I get for doing a podcast with a straight man It is because the last time the last time I heard it was like a month ago. Okay, me and the boy is talking I did actually look this up because I was pretty I was really struck by this too I'd like this is a worldview that I do not recognize at all Everything is this battle for power and even people who are acting kind right evidence that they're trying to manipulate me I started looking around and there is an actual concept in psychology called zero sum ideology And this is basically the idea that every single interaction between two people has to have a winner and a loser Which is actually relatively widespread in population. You can read people these scenarios of like Dave put his car on craigslist and then like Jessica bought the car and then you ask me like, okay Who won the interaction? I'm like, oh Dave won the interaction There's no reason to think of this as like one person one and the other person got cucked in that exchange It's just like people engaging in mutually beneficial activity But there there's obviously a spectrum and so on the sort of extreme cuck and where I am of this There are people who have what's called zero sum aversion where people actively avoid situations They're just objectively zero sum right if I win a tennis game You lose a tennis game and so people like me who are super conflict-averse just like don't really like playing tennis Or like doing those kinds of competitive Okay, let's uh, let's Move to the topic our co-workers can can they be your friends? Should they be your friends? Is your workplace a family? Also, I do want to caveat to say that I'm not saying that you forget the caveat So that none of them bite you in the butt Now if you're ready to jump into it, you've got your tea. Give me a thumbs up There is a very good likelihood that you see your colleagues more than you see your own family on a week to week basis That's true, right? I mean you work a normal job. You're in the office 40 hours a week You're going to spend far more time with your colleagues And if they're not horrible You're going to develop a connection with them to varying degrees and so Just the normal Default that you're spending so much time around them Many of them are going to become friends. That's my experience. They become friends. But yeah, they're situational friends And when you move on from that job Then very few of them are going to stay in your life, but I've gotten into trouble here I have often sought inappropriate relationships in the workplace Uh, because I didn't want to do the work instead. I wanted to Like get tight and get deep with with people instead of doing my job. And so These are the type of videos that uh, the younger me really needed to hear Because I didn't want to work. I just wanted to Bond I wanted to get deep. I wanted to reenact by You know my inner drama. I wanted to share laughter and love and light And especially when you have one of those really close-knit office cultures in an open office when everyone's up in each other's business It's really easy to cultivate these artificially close relationships You're going through so many of the same things. You have so much common ground But the thing that starts to the pillar of the lines is where the professional line ends and where the personal line begins Here's the thing. I want you to remember I've had a lot of trouble with this. All right. I remember early on in therapy one of the first things My therapist talked to me about was boundaries. I didn't really know much about them But uh, I was just routinely violating other people's boundaries like inappropriately touching them Inappropriately saying things to them. I was allowing other people in fact inviting other people to ride rough shot over What should have been my own normal natural healthy boundaries? And so even today I'm still kind of stunned how I invite disrespect from, you know, 70 people in real life and I'm creating that right? I'm building that because I am showing way too much inappropriate levels of vulnerability This is uh, Heidi Pree or pain or breakups or whatever it is that has been painful for us interpersonally But I think that a lot of us have a kind of gut instinct Around times when we feel like we should be over something by now But we're not and a lot of the time if the thing that we're having trouble getting This video really helped me because if you watched my videos, you know I was like wondering why why do I encourage disrespectful treatment in real life so often? Why do I encourage so many people to treat me in real life with with You know disdain and contempt And it's because I am way overdoing the vulnerability. I am over sharing I am Seeking you know inappropriate relationships, you know way too intense like not not appropriate to the context And uh, I found this this video by Heidi Pree graduate student in psychology She's researching attachment theory. This really helped me this this answered this question I had why am I routinely getting treated with disrespect by people in my real life getting over Is a situation and I'm not talking about getting disrespected, you know online. I just take that for granted I mean, that's the the whole Nature of the bargain that we're making here together. I'm talking about in real life Why why I love and I am creating that by Overdoing the vulnerability inappropriately being vulnerable inappropriately seeking inappropriately intense and inappropriate relationships in inappropriate places and times In which we made ourselves vulnerable But did not receive the response that we wanted or maybe we're hoping for or maybe it was a relationship that Yeah, I guess I I did that to try to manipulate people into liking me We chronically made ourselves vulnerable within and we can't seem to move on if this is the case for you If you feel as though you have an abnormally difficult time moving on After showing your vulnerabilities. Ah brandon great point. Boundaries never occur to victims of child abuse. Yeah I mean I was to the best of my knowledge ever sexually abused, but I was bounced off the walls for years I was you know smashed about physically when I was a kid and I still To to people who know me in real life. I still emit many of the signs of the the beaten stray dog, you know that stray dog Who's been beaten a lot and you simply like raise your hand to scratch your nose and the dog You know leaps and bounds away because he's so scared. I I still Remind many people of that beaten stray dog It's probable that you are outsourcing too much when you share yourself vulnerably So what do I mean by that? It might mean that when you go into a situation where you're sharing yourself with someone when you are trying to make yourself Open and telling someone who you are you are not. Oh, apologies. I got oh, thank god. Elliott. Blatt is still Elliott, Elliott, I hope I'm not being inappropriately vulnerable with you right now Uh, no, no you're not uh, I'm just passing a big accident. I'm driving Blessings this comment this commentary is terrible Luke. You're you're you're really off base on this one, bro These people are crazy. They don't they're not worthy of reading such a book The 48 laws of power Yeah, they just don't get it. They're too dumb. They're too dumb to understand how What the author is trying to communicate here and they're just reading it at such a superficial level They're just giving like daily show here You know ironic takes they thought they don't grasp the essence of what's being conveyed here And talk to us. What's the essence of the 48 laws of power? It's how the world works bro. It's how the world actually works and and How did this book affect or improve your life and your understanding of reality? Dude, I stopped making so many dumb mistakes so many naïve miss I still make mistakes, but I've been able to cut back on that right and not fall into these pitfalls That I used to fall into because I misunderstood power dynamics. It's really like it's the best software upgrade you can get for your brain, bro Wow That's powerful. Yeah, I I think you you gotta stop listening to these glib leftists, bro They're just they're they're bad for you You gotta Yeah, you really you're really off base on this you really fallen into error here my dude Uh, I'm in error and I mean talk to me. Give me give me more about how how this book has improved your life and Allowed you to make Elliott great again Okay, what is the courtier? How to be a courtier what it means to be a courtier and courier a courier How you behave Among people who have more power than you Like how what rookie mistakes you don't make? Like don't flatter don't use flattery flattery is We'll set you out when you become a marked man You have to be much subtler. You have to learn how to navigate the subtle dynamics Of being in a situation where there's one person that has much more power than you So most people They lose jobs. They don't get promotions. They get fired, you know, they they They they just misplay their hand because they don't know how to bet. I used to be like this I didn't know how to act around powerful people That's a really important lesson bro. Yeah, talk to me more about more effective ways of acting around powerful people Okay, you need you need to you are one is the first lesson don't outshine the master, right? Yeah, don't outshine us Don't try to prove to someone with more power than You that you're more intelligent than they are That's just bad idea Yeah, don't try to don't try to take the stage away from somebody, you know During a meeting if they have the power You have to you You remember our trump's show way back when I didn't really watch that much Yeah, you know the apprentice you're fired. Yeah, you're fired. That was a tough example, right? Those people were trying to navigate A scenario in which they had to demonstrate competence, but they couldn't They couldn't be they couldn't show any rough edges of their character, right? And trump was there at the center of it all Uh, you know chastising them for one reason or another but it's the perfect example of you know navigating power dynamics So a while ago I had a job where I was very very busy So when the important people would come ask me to do a task I'd say could you put it in an email? I'm just overwhelmed right now And they didn't seem to appreciate that No And the thing is it's like yes, so if you're in a subordinate relationship Right. Yeah You're the person with more power who is not looking for a friend They want a subordinate And you have to act like a subordinate even if you don't think you're you know a subordinate If you don't act like a subordinate, you're going to cause problems. You're going to be shown the door One way or another eventually So if I tell them that the podcast that they like to listen to a moronic, uh, not a good idea That's not a good idea, bro. Okay I made that mistake. Well played. I made that mistake a few times. Also, I told the boss that his dog was ugly I said like wow, that's a really ugly dog Luke you want to be the gray man most of the time you want to be the gray man And then you just want to sparkle at various occasions, but in your role in your lane I tend to be the like the flamboyant You know the flamboyant, you know dancer And it doesn't really go down well Yeah, I should probably read this book You got to read the book. You got to read the marginalia. You got to read the notes. You got to read the introductions. You got to You got to it's one of the most interesting and original works. I think that have ever been published It's it's really in its own category It's incredibly literary it draws incredibly from history from literature it's just It's just too good for these retarded commentators that you've been listening to What are the chances that you've been conned by pseudo profundity something that sounds profound But upon examination is not profound. Yeah, it's a reasonable question I don't think it's applicable here Um Leftists are by nature egalitarians, right? Nobody should stick up. Everyone just has to be this Just mediocre schmo, right? They want everybody within the herd and they're going to Uh, you know, there it's the tall poppy. They're gonna lock the head off They're gonna lock the the flower the head off the tall poppy And this is just an instance of their sort of Jim mediocre Lack of Sparkle lives that they lead. It's just it's just like a testament to their own mediocrity Don't be suckered in by their retarded mediocrity loot. You're better than that my dude I also got into a lot of trouble for Flatulence in their office like they weren't even in the office I just like went into the office released my flatulence, you know Came back out and then like 10 minutes later They came in and they asked me if I'd been releasing flatulence in their office And I think I tried to deny it But they were pretty firm with me that uh, that was not a great place for me to release My flatulence another boss like threatened to throw me out of his Moving vehicle at like 70 miles an hour because I like cut one loose Like so that's a really bad power move I found like releasing flatulence in your boss's car or office I really don't appreciate that You're not you're not even on the doorstep of being ready to read this book. You you need like an elementary school education I don't need to matter I also got into a lot of trouble. I hung up on the boss's mother He was kind of rude And I got a reprimand so that's not a that's not a good thing to do. Don't hang up on your boss's mother And well, what's the context? Why would you be talking your boss's mother in the first place? Well, I had to answer the phones And so she called and she wanted to know a bunch of Things and I was just trying to put her off and then she kind of caught me in some white lies And then I said look I got to take another call and I just hung up on her But like I I just I modeled myself on how my boss treated his mother like he treated her like Crap. So I thought I should walk in his ways But I got a reprimand Hey, are you going to stick around this winter? Are you going back to the cottage coast? I yeah, definitely mixed feelings Do do very much feel like, uh, you know after all the stress and strain I've been under in 2023 Maybe I need another three-month holiday down under It might be good for my gastrointestinal tract I was but I watched a video today and it talked about appropriate inappropriate things to talk about at work and it said All right, unprofessional is to talk about your gastrointestinal issues at work Yeah If you had out of control diarrhea like that's not something you should bring up in the workplace No, that's why see Luke There's the types of conversations you have Among your your your friend, you know in a car You know alone So you can have those conversations in in private And in the public in the workplace You have to adopt a whole new persona, bro Yeah, yeah, that's Listen to it If you're not too tired to read it It's the whole thing is on youtube And then compare that you have to admit there's some like nuggets of wisdom and just those quotes that they were mocking Don't you do you agree? I I read his most recent book and I did find nuggets of wisdom in there. So I'm kind of I read another book mastery Which wasn't quite as good as the 48 laws of power, but there were still some good things in it as well So I think it's a very interesting law author. Uh, he has some health problems. Anyway Okay, bye blessings blessings Thank you. Thank you Elliott. Okay Just Approaching the situation in the present you are putting a lot of meaning onto it So you might be telling yourself I'm going to open up to this person and instead of just telling them the information I'm telling them and noticing how they respond to that I'm going to tell myself this story around what it means about me as a person Yeah, I haven't been taking like appropriate note of like what's appropriate to share And I just like spill my guts or you know, say I'm really struggling with some things And so this woman Heidi Preve. She's great. She also has a video on 10 green flags That it's probably safe to be vulnerable Which I found incredibly helpful So she is a a font of wisdom for me So here she is science. You're being overdoing on how they receive this information So if I tell someone about something difficult I've been through and they don't seem to care or I feel like they're almost mocking me in response If I have gone into that situation telling myself, I'm going to determine my worth as a person Based on how this person responds to me That's going to take an incredibly long period of time to recover from Because I've put so much weight onto that one interaction or onto a series of interactions with this person If I was only looking to open up to them about one thing and they were to receive it badly And I didn't put any additional meaning onto them receiving it badly Other than this person doesn't seem to be open to or interested in hearing about this particular thing I'm vulnerable about it still might hurt or kind of sting if you get the reply that you weren't hoping for but It's not going to absolutely crush you. I mean, this is a terrific video. I won't play all 29 minutes five signs You're overdoing vulnerability. That's me like in real life not talking about on the show But in real life Inappropriate times inappropriate places, you know, inappropriate people, you know, say inappropriate things is a bit of an issue I have I've been googling verbal impulsivity and one of the Tips is to write things down instead of just loading them aloud. So Here she is 10 green flags. It is probably safe to be vulnerable. I'm Heidi Preeb. Welcome. Okay So in this video, we're going to talk about how to know When it is the appropriate time and with whom it is appropriate to be vulnerable with This is I found this incredibly helpful. You probably think, oh, you know, I already know this stuff But this really helped me. I mean, I'm only 57. I've only been living in california 45 years You know, I'm still struggling with the culture Now there is no perfect science to this you can never guarantee That an instance of sharing something vulnerable with another person is going to end well or go in your favor So what this video is going to talk about is how to make sure that you are at the least Making a reasonably safe bet when it comes to opening up and becoming more vulnerable with someone We're going to talk not just about how to identify the signs of a safe other But also how to identify green flags inside of yourself that you are at a point where you are Emotionally capable of opening yourself up to another person With respect to the fact that it might not go the way you want it to Sometimes being vulnerable feels bad doesn't go the way that we would hope actually creates ruptures in our relationship That we can't find a way to repair and so figuring out who it might be reasonably safe for you to practice vulnerable self-sharing with Is going to be really instrumental in making sure that you are not Press one in the chat if you're a safe person for me to share reasonable vulnerability with right now Press two if you're an unsafe person for me to share that vulnerability with right now. Thank you and god bless Not senselessly harming yourself by being vulnerable in instances where it doesn't really help you Or the other person to do that So without further ado, we're going to get into some of the signs or some of the green flags That it's a good time for you to start being vulnerable and she is is sleeved. I mean she's got Large number of tattoos and yet so wise With another person so green flag number one in the other Is that you have seen this person display a pattern of taking their own and other people's emotions seriously So if we are looking specifically at emotional vulnerability What we want to be so I didn't know about you, but I found Not generally a good idea to blurt out to people you barely know in the workplace that you're a sex addict I mean, that's just my experience. I don't know what your experience is like, but uh, that that That didn't work out well for me Looking at in the other person is do they have a pattern of taking emotions seriously? As opposed to kind of having a pattern of scoffing at dismissing or even Yeah, I mean if you go to Your typical upper class gay bath house, all right They probably have a pattern of taking their own and other feelings seriously Probably that's like a green flag for you to become vulnerable Expressing contempt towards their own or other people's more vulnerable emotions And this is often a trait that you can observe just in everyday conversations or interactions So I remember one time being in a conversation with two kind of new friends And one of them was telling this story about how he was seeing this girl and she was so obsessed with him He liked her but she wanted to get married and have kids and he was so not into that And the other friend looked at him and went Well, are you going to talk to her about that? That seems like a pretty important factor in whether or not you guys are going to continue in a relationship So i'm surprised you haven't brought it up to her yet And the stark difference in the emotional maturity there became instantly clear, right? Yeah, I mean that's true in the world there are you know emotionally mature wise people and there are a lot of emotional terrorists And uh, that's a great anecdote illustrating the difference between emotional terrorist and uh someone who is wise If I were looking for someone to be vulnerable with and to share my feelings with Knowing that those feelings would be relatively safe and taken seriously by the other person Which of those two people would it make more sense to put my trust in the one who has this kind of air of superiority and contempt Around other people having feelings or the one who has a more balanced perspective So little moments like these are the ones you want to watch out for and you're figuring out who it's safe to be vulnerable around So green flag is that they don't think other people are weird or weak for having feelings And that you've observed a pattern of them treating other people's feelings seriously and with respect sign number two And this one pertains to the south It's a green flag that you're likely ready to be vulnerable with someone If you have a clear reason for why you want to be vulnerable with that person and that I I needed to hear that. I mean you are probably a healthy person who didn't need to hear this but I really needed to hear this right that there should be a good reason and That i'm sharing something vulnerable and what i'm sharing is appropriate to the context of the relationship Reason is appropriate within the context of your current relationship So there are many good reasons to be a little bit more vulnerable in relationship An example might be you are getting to know someone and you want to test out What if I get a little bit more personal a little bit more real with them? How are they going to respond because that's going to give you information About whether or not you're able to get closer with that person being close I remember I shared in the workplace once that I like to leave like an audible book or Audio book running all night because I don't like to be alone with my thoughts My brain is a dangerous neighborhood that I don't like to enter alone And this woman went ah You know enough no more about that. And so I had this friendly, you know almost flirtatious Work a relationship with this very attractive young woman, but once she heard that I I like to leave audio box running all night because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts Uh That was it. She just like uh, she just uh, she just dismissed me completely. I think she was East asian. I think they tend to be a bit more conservative about these things But she went ah stop And I thought it was just such an anodyne thing to share Boy, I am often a terrible judge of what's appropriate to share Often means doing a little bit of that vulnerable self-sharing that is inherent to Co-regulation a lot of the time But you have to make sure that you are doing this in a way that is appropriate to the context of your current relationship So if you are on a second date with someone it might not be appropriate At that point in your relationship to let them know everything about your Yeah, I have a history of sharing like way too much like even before the first date You know let learn the first date, you know, I go deep and dark And uh tends to be a little off-putting to some members of the fairer sex childhood trauma We have to look at why we are sharing what we're sharing and whether or not it is the appropriate time and place To share that much am I sharing that much because I think it actually makes sense for them So I find it most relaxing at night usually to listen to books on on war I just find it relaxing like particularly world war two Like naval battles in the pacific. I just like to leave those those running all night So here this is this is what I've been Listening to at night twilight of the guards all right the e and toll trilogy on U. S Battles in the pacific during world war two So for months on and off I've been leading You know leaving that trilogy just running all night. I also like to leave american carnage by tim alberta about the republican Journey from 2008 to donald trump. I like to leave that running all night. I also love Reclaiming history by vincent bullioce I love to Let that just run all night and you know wake up at various points during the kennedy assassination I just find it very calming better than my own thoughts much more wholesome Okay, making of the atomic bomb by richard rhodes. I also find that You know fairly calming And you know conducive to sleep The big ones by dr. Lucy jones about various enormous natural disasters that killed Thousands upon thousands of people I find it very comforting and relaxing to let that run all night american prometheus about Robert Oppenheimer the guy who gave us the atomic bomb I tried letting middle march by george elliot run all night, but that was not conducive to my sleep A world undone about world war one like a 20 hour Audio book on the history of world war one. That was very conducive to sleep Leviathan by thomas hobbs not conducive to sleep Pacific crucible war at sea in the pacific 1941 42 by ian toll highly conducive to sleep I did not try the power broker About robert moses did not listen to that. Uh, oh britain at bay. So britain in the first half of world war two by alan allport So i already listened read it once very carefully and then just i found it comforting to let it run all night the conquering tide for in the pacific 1942 to 44 that was very calming Top of the morning by brian stelter about the tv news business. I like letting that run all night days of fire about the relationship between george w bush and dick cheney Enjoyed letting that run all night a man in fall the novel by tom wolf The mirror and the light so the hillary mantel trilogy often let that run all night Stalin volume one volume two by steven cocken like letting that run all night Have not tried the decline of fall of the roman empire at night Did not try on the origin of species Bring up the bodies by hillary mantel let that run all night wolf haul by hillary mantel I would let that run all night You are a comedy special. I've not tried letting that run all night The peloponnesian war have not Tried that the history of the peloponnesian war by thucydides did not let that run or the man who ran washington So the second time through not james baker. I let that run All night. Ah the five families about the five mafia families. That was very comforting to let that run all night The art of storytelling from parents to professionals Writing creative nonfiction did not let those courses run all night, but I did Let manson biography by jeff gwyn I found that comforting to let that go all night cloud street the novel by tim winton I can let that run all night Uh, I for years I I would let tom clancy novels run all night upon reflection. I don't think that was a good idea A helter-skelter by vincent bulliose about the manson murders that was that was calming and comforting to let that run all night Okay So those are those are the main books that I've let uh run all night I've let them to know that much about me on a second date Or am I sharing all of this because in this moment? I feel dysregulated I'm unable to regulate myself around whatever memory has just come up or whatever Uh, so probably half the time I listened to a kind of meek and mild gentle uh playlist that I Quite imaginatively titled sleep So I've got agnes die by samuel barber let your love flow by the bellamy brothers rainy days and mondays Superstar by the carpenters top of the world under yesterday Yesterday once more I need to be in love and all you get from love is a love song by the carpenters Is that my sleep playlist? You've only just begun. They long to be close to you sing All right or by the carpenters Linger by the cranberries miracles by jeffson starship. I've got four songs by john denver of my sleep playlist Take me home rocky mountain high sunshine on my shoulders any song got faithfully by journey Songbird by kenny g the captain by casey chambers hallelujah by let it cohen tenderfield saddler by peter allen Early morning rain peter paul and mary laughing with by regina specter. It must have been loved by rock sat Wait, is this my yep? This is my sleep playlist abide with me The hymn kiss me by six pence none the richer theme from love story the best of times by sticks babe by sticks You raised me up by susan boil The entire chariots of fire soundtrack Uh, also vangelis a lot of vangelis are my sleep playlist Uh, ang on car by snotarm cow and on namo by snotarm cow Can't stay away from you by gloria estifan words get in the way leaving new york by rem Cheers theme song nearer my god to thee by libra Uh, a lot of debbie freedman songs like bahoo made the words yevara ha sheer hamalo very sticky lee wedding vows humi lark u foratsah Free association. You'll never catch the wind in turtsu eliyahu Do dee lee eight do dee Arise my love a shamru havat ola micha mocha Elena laugh at all my dreams ani ma meme. So I've got about 60 debbie freedman songs morning into dancing ruksha maa ashrei hallelujah I got about 60 70 songs by debbie freedman and the you shall see visions shahki yanu mika moka hudu ruka boat So I guess I got a hundred songs by debbie freedman on my sleep playlist I got about 40 numbers by snot on kaur including by thy grace long time sun guru ram das rako saranah And who can forget her classic jap man sat nam? and et kong ka sat nam and mul mantra Jap man sat nam on namo long time sun All right, so I've got 174 songs 12 hours of one minute on my On my sleep sleep playlist Feeling I'm experiencing So I'm putting it all on the table and hoping that they can help return me to equilibrium The big things the things that are very raw and intense for most people don't come up until the relationship is already fairly established That doesn't mean you can't reference difficult things you've been through However, if you're looking to do really big intense Co-regulating with a person you don't know that well Hey, is that what we're doing here? Are we doing really deep intense co-regulating? Tilly likely that you might need to do some work on adjusting your own boundaries To make sure that you're not practicing reckless vulnerability. Yes I definitely need to do some work adjusting my own vulnerabilities my own boundaries Because I'm doing way too much reckless vulnerability Reckless vulnerability is when we are not establishing boundaries around who it is and is not safe for us to be vulnerable with We are simply handing over all of our psychological stuff to anyone who we think will listen because we don't know how to self regulate around it Yeah, that's that's my life story Ourselves and if you struggle to figure out where the limits are in this capacity Try asking friends loved ones maybe a therapist if you're able to talk to one What they think is appropriate in terms of how much to share when in a relationship I I like to ask Elliott Blatt But the important part here is that if you are able to zoom out And put in proper context why you're sharing what you're sharing when you're sharing it You're also going to be able to properly contextualize whatever response you get So if you are sharing something with someone because you're trying to get to know them better And you test it out and you find that they're kind of closed off or that they have a reaction That doesn't make you feel very good in response to what you shared. Now you have information Right, you learn. Oh, she's great. I love this woman She has so much wisdom for a person who's got mad number of tattoos And this woman's great too. Jennifer brick co-workers are not your friends Who knew Why people are there at work? I would say that everyone is there because they need a paycheck now Need a paycheck want a paycheck whatever it is. It's all a matter of semantics People are at work because they want to get paid. They're there to make money or They are there because they are trying to build success for themselves professionally Trust me if neither of those things mattered They would just be volunteering or staying at home on their couch With some bomb buns and some docks or fill. I don't know. Maybe that's just me Now here's the thing between those two different options where someone is there just to get paid and to go home And between the person that is there because they want to climb the ladder The first person might not be personally invested in that company and in the people that they work with Where the second person might be so invested in their own success that they are willing to throw Their best friend their mother their cousin their Sister whoever under the bus to get there You don't want to be someone who gets caught in that pathway. Now also with all of the in-between Every workplace has its gossip And one of the ways that you become ensnared in the gossip is to be talking about yourself and things that don't have Any place in a professional setting. I swear to god I just felt the thumbs down buttons being clicked right now But I think that this is really important for you to hear Because the people that you're friends with them work even though you spend all of your time And maybe you have happy hours with them and you have your team events The thing is at some point One of you is going to move on and it's going to be exceptionally rare for that person to stay in your life In a meaningful way If you ever watch fight club, you know the reference of a single serving friend A work friend is just basically a single serving friend who has multiple servings As long as you happen to go to the same office to work at every single day Now does it mean that that person is going to fall off the face of the earth? If you no longer work with them and never speak to you again No, but you're probably not going to speak to them all the time You're probably not going to see them all the time and yes, there are exceptions But trust me, you probably know the difference between the exception and the rule But I want you to treat those real authentic and life-changing friendships that can be formed at work As the exception rather than the rule And in fact, I actually believe that more of the relationships that you have at work Are likely to form into those really substantial personal friendships when you follow these guidelines And that's why you need these three guidelines to be friendly but not friends at work The first guideline is knowing where to draw the line You're never going to be one of those people that advocates for you being totally closed off All business all the time, super professional, don't talk about your personal life at all No, you work with these people every single day You probably want them to know a little something about you You probably want to know a little something about them as well And if you don't, totally cool, but then you're probably not watching this video in the first place Here's the thing ultimately you are going to have to navigate for you where the lines are between your personal and your professional life You also need to learn where the lines are So press one if this is just common sense to you because I I didn't really realize this for the people around you For this I really encourage you to keep it superficial I encourage you to run the things that you share through a filter. Does this make me look professional or unprofessional? Now just for fun, let's have a little pop quiz so that we can tell the difference between the two Now for each of the scenarios, I want you to tell me if it was professional or unprofessional Tell me up your score and leave it in the comments down below. Oh my god I'm so drunk that I threw up all over the floor in the nightclub Yeah, so this chick she was like a 10 I went to see the new play that was on over the weekend I just bought a new DSLR. And so I actually spent the weekend in the lower east side photographing the buildings I went out to eat at that new restaurant and I was just having the worst gastro issues ever Now drawing from the first guideline the second guideline is to keep it superficial Now as we went through that quiz there was one thing that you noticed Which is probably that the unprofessional was giving a little bit too much information But yeah I I've had a teeny weeny bit of an issue with that. All right. This is Welsh boy treble Kai Thomas 12 years old Saying something called