 Have you ever thought to yourself, man, I really wish I could work out my marital issues on the big screen? Or maybe you've contemplated if only hundreds of thousands of people could weigh in on my marital conflicts then there could be finally a healthy resolution. Well if so you've come to the right place. The docu-series couples therapy has been running for a few seasons but recently has been picking up more steam and it makes sense this show hits on some of our core needs as humans to get in other people's business. With that said outside of the initial draw just being able to eavesdrop on people's conversations they also tend to pick some of the most insane couples that you've ever seen. It's always like two women or a woman and a non-binary person or a polygamous couple it's like can't you just get normal people but I guess what nope this is TV we gotta spice it up a little bit. Now we begin our journey with a couple that is contemplating opening up their marriage. The only problem is is that the husband has a problem with his wife hooking up with one specific guy okay no big deal the problem is is this wife has already gotten with this dude and now they're trying to navigate the aftermath this is just crazy. If we decide to open this together right he is he you you cannot be with him like that will screw me up like that will fuck me up like I don't know how I'm gonna react to that and I made it incredibly clear right. I do think about it frequently in a different way than Brock like I think about it as something that I'm really proud of us for enduring and for making our way through together and sometimes even just like hearing you talk it sounds crazy but I almost want to thank you. I'm like I freed you I freed you from an old way of loving that actually wasn't real love like I freed you from a love that was just commitment and duty and you do it just because you do and you show up and that's love. I know that it was the worst thing that I could have done and you're right I knew that that was your red line I knew that all along and I still did it and I am proud of myself I don't know how else to say it. Do you have a reaction? Yeah it's this is this is the narrative that is impossible for me to accept. Oh my goodness what on this earth oh wow okay she says it's the worst possible thing that she could have done and yet she's proud of herself for doing it like oh my goodness Kate. Notice here that the husband is not you know innocent in this ordeal he's the one trying to open the marriage so this is a disaster right away but the fact that she says I freed you from a love that is based on commitment and duty like by and she freed him how did she do that well by sleeping with another man like what and she's proud of herself like wow how narcissistic can we become how narcissistic can we get we do the thing that we readily admit was the worst possible thing that we could do and we know they hurt our partner like to no end and yet we're proud of ourselves for doing it because we're just such a good person and we just love ourselves so much it's like bro what's going on a lot of what you'll see here guys is polishing the deck on a sinking ship polishing the deck on a sinking ship there is so many issues there's underlying issues here and there's so many minute issues and what they tend to what tends to happen is they're dealing with little minute issues on the top but they're not getting to the core issues now here there's some major issues that are the problems but as we go on here you're gonna see okay hey this is a little bit of an issue here this a little bit of an issue here but they're ignoring the key fundamental issue because it would be insensitive or intolerant or just wrong to address any of those things because that's just the way they choose to live their life we need to figure out how they can both navigate this you know open relationship in a healthy way it's a healthy open relationship that is an oxymoron it makes no sense we'll get back to the video in a second but first i want to share something with you vpns can be very useful and i recommend the one that i use private internet access they're sponsoring this video a vpn encrypts your web traffic and hides your ip address without a vpn your internet service provider network administrator and potentially your government depending on where you live can see and record the websites 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downloads they never store or record data now i have a special offer for you by using my link in the description you can get an 83 discount on private internet access that's just over two dollars us per month and you also get four months completely free now go to my link in the description and get 83 off private internet access and four months completely free now back to the video you don't want to open the relationship and yet you don't want to commit to me because i'm trying to be honest i'm trying to be honest i'm trying to move towards a new way of thinking about partnership with you what does your new version of the partnership look like you keep talking about transcending to something else what is it it's fluid okay fluid to me means open that is not what but christie what does fluid mean to you fluid means that you accept risk that you are okay with a love that could hurt you but like it's real i know but that the the the risk is after the commitment without the commitment there you are you're talking about relationships like they're a math formula wow if i was this therapist i would get a headache like instantaneously it would be like five seconds with these folks and i'm like yeah okay i'm gonna clock in for the day i hope you guys have a good rest of your day i'm sorry i had an appointment schedule i'm sorry about it i just have a i have a doctor's appointment i need to leave you need to be open to a love that can hurt you you need to be open that i'm going to sleep with other men you need to be open to that but but it's gonna be okay because i'll still be here it's like what do you know like what on earth he wants to be with other people too he's like if we have an open relationship then i can be with whoever i want you can be whoever you want and she says no no no no no we we're not gonna do that but you gotta be open to a love that can hurt you a love that can and by that she means well because i might want to go back to that other dude or i want to go to some other dude and you gotta be open to that because love is fluid no ladies and gentlemen love is not fluid and love is not just outside of duty and commitment and those things are holding us back and we need to just embrace this this pure real love what is real love real love is a choice a choice to wake up every single day and decide to act in a loving way towards that person to say loving things towards them to not necessarily you can't control how you feel every single day but you can choose to love them culture doesn't understand that our culture thinks man if i'm not feeling it today and i'm not you know let's just open the relationship or let's end it like what and love is not um fluid love is not just whatever you want to make it to be love is based on god because god is love and if we're not looking to god's character then we are we are so lost we are so lost and honestly i can't have myself watch too much of this like couples therapy thing because it is just annoying it is just annoying because they never get at the the root causes of sin nobody's selfishness is never is ever addressed it was it's always like well everything's acceptable everything's fine there's nothing wrong it's just your choice and your opinion and what you feel and that's just could totally counter to reality while i was out with a friend nadine went to see one of her lovers without telling me okay uh quick question do you think that the problem will be that nadine went to go see one of her lovers or the fact that she did not tell her interesting what do you think it's going to be i wonder i thought that a boundary was crossed because there was no communication about her going to see them and oh i see okay so it wasn't as in so much that nadine had other lovers but the fact that she did not communicate that she was going to see them was the big problem you see how our morality gets so skewed so quickly like what are we doing guys what are we doing we think that we're being so relationally um you know astute and uh we're just emotionally aware by saying you know what it's about those boundaries that were being crossed and she did not communicate this to me meanwhile she has other lovers what do you guys even doing like what the foundation is just totally destroyed like what for trust for anything and yet you think that the big problem is that she didn't communicate to you do you think that's why you feel so awful you feel like that's why you have trust issues no my friend no no no no so many people are trying to address these little issues in their life these tiny little things or da da da da da da da but they're not getting to the root issue which is their relationship with god and being at peace with god you try to fix your life and yet you are not at peace with god you are going to have a very hard time an impossible time in fact if you cannot be at peace with god how can you be at peace with yourself how can you be at peace with other people around you it makes no sense whatsoever and so that's where we need to begin at the fundamental foundational elements of who we are our relationship with god and from there when we have the standard of the bible we can actually deliberate on some of these issues relationally and how to navigate these things in a god glorifying way but we have to begin with making sure our foundation is solid thanks so much for watching this video guys if you enjoyed it subscribe because i'm putting out new videos all the time thanks to everyone who supports on patreon and if you'd like to support my mission of equipping people to follow jesus daily if you enjoy the content on this youtube channel or other platforms that i have click the link in my description and sign up for patreon thanks so much again and i'll see you next time god bless