 It's hit my mental health a lot. I miss him terribly. I first met Pete when on an online dating app I didn't want to meet him because I was terrified. But I decided one night that I was going to do it because he seemed different. I was attracted to Pete because he was funny and stupid and clumsy but really, really lovely and kind and understanding and he accepted me and he didn't make a big deal about anything that worried me or caused me anxiety and he was really just understanding and open to learning as well. He loved football, lived football, came to as many games as possible talked about all the games on Twitter a lot but it was a family thing. His sister as well loves football and his dad especially, they always used to all come together as a group and make it a bit of a day. I think Pete's battle with mental health affected his day-to-day life on and off some days better than others other days like a lot of us I'm sure that have suffered were much harder to even leave the house or get dressed but other days was really good and you wouldn't have even known. Pete really enjoyed going to the games but even when he wasn't feeling 100% himself he would look forward to the games I think and I enjoyed being at them. It gave him something to occupy his mind and to focus on instead of his own mental health. The day Pete proposed was really lovely but I wasn't really in the best of mood so I probably didn't help myself that day. I'm surprised he went through with it because I really didn't want to go out and he was determined to get me to Bournemouth and we were going to the cinema and I really didn't want to go and I begged him to cancel it and thought like we could go another day but he really wanted to go he was very adamant and I really couldn't understand. We walked along the beach which took, it took him great strength to get me there I'm sure and he'd set it all up on the beach with his friends and there was a red blanket and he'd got love written and champagne and things and he had people taking photographs secretly and it was really beautiful and he'd put in a lot of effort and I felt like the meanest person but I was glad he still went through with it. In the lead up to the 7th of June 2019 we had quite a normal week on the Thursday I did go and collect my wedding dress and that led up to on the Friday which very sadly Pete lost his battle with mental health. It's affected me in a lot of different ways I thought I was going to be married and have a family by now and I planned to live, like have our own place and start our life together and we had a lot of things we wanted to do together and I was really looking forward to it and then obviously that didn't happen. I miss him terribly, every day is different some days are easier, some days are harder it's made me scared of losing people a lot more it's lonely, being suddenly by yourself especially when Covid hit there's been a lot of time I've had to spend by myself on my own and your own thoughts can be quite of a killer anyway but yeah, missing him, it's difficult it's not what I wanted but you have to keep moving not long after Pete died I decided to get a tattoo for him because I wanted him close to me always and he always used to tell me that he loved me forever and always and so I decided to have always tattooed on my wrist even though Pete would always be with me my life still does go on and I have to remember that and I had it on my wrist so that I could hold it close to my heart when I wanted to that outpour of love was crazy I was getting messages and I know his family were too from people we didn't even know that knew Pete or knew of Pete through his Twitter following and other social media and football a lot of it from football he was very loved in the football community and it definitely showed us that and everyone was really wanting to do anything they could for us all which was really lovely and supportive quite overwhelming at times because it wasn't something I expected if I could offer any advice for someone living with grief or experiencing grief or anything like that is just take each day as it comes and even down to each minute by minute don't have any expectation of yourself I think it's really important that you check on your loved ones to make sure that they know it's okay not to be okay and you should always check twice when you ask someone how they are everyone's just going to say okay because it's the normal response that we give because we don't want to give people all our problems but asking again can trigger some people to think oh okay actually they do care they really do want to know and that's really important going forward I would hope for me that I keep going and I'm waiting for therapy at the minute so I'm looking forward to getting some support and some professional help and just yeah just keep going and keep making Pete proud and making myself proud and for other people that are feeling the way Pete did I hope that they feel that they can reach out and that Talking Cherries will be here for them and that there is lots of people that would listen and you don't have to speak to us face to face or on the phone we can text we can email anything but we will be there for you