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Published on Nov 21, 2013
UPDATE: And just like that the nightmare is over. 11 hours after I first plugged the console in, it has started working of its own accord, without me changing anything. I wasn't even in the room when it moved into the proper console setup. What a relief. Thanks to the people who were nice in the comments. The rest of you are your own punishment.
Original text: I don't know what's wrong. I've tried all sorts of things. Microsoft support is being VERY slow about getting back to me.
Gamertag is Shaunage, but I haven't been able to connect it to the system yet.