 So ya. It's been a long time. Ya, it's been a long time, but this is not your first time on this special. Lukiwe have been here before. Whoa! Thank you for coming back again. You're welcome! Alright, so we want to talk about, managing stresses. But before that, first, remind us who you are. My name is Zipora Wanikanga. I'm a teacher, trainer, and counsellor. We do training at Bato NoHoB Kenya. It's an organization where we are canceling the less fortunate tamu na kAL каждый agata Tu ye Ashe Ile intentionally Tuesday Hai So let's get into this Managing stresses Let's start with what is stress We might assume people watch stress That's what stress smells Na bioropстра Yuande wa Bere kwa know ya stress Staffani Shake You might imagine stress An extreme dific Kommye Mywletia, you feel kwa kupakatua kwa koshumia Bik şeyta na kisha, kufu mtikumitisha Kwa kufu mtikumitisha nga kusisha, keshimitisha kwa kushama, kufu wu beti ya kanapu Yقisha, kusisha, kusisha, kusisha Kufu nga yungu spiritual, kufu kusisha, kufu kusisha We haven't dealt with what was bringing all these so that you could have that headache, because we call them psychosomatic illnesses, illnesses that do not have a specific cause, but they are there because the something your brain is juggling with, but you haven't addressed the main reason and that is where you hear that people are just there. Before you know it, you are dealing with a more serious case we call depression, so you must manage stress so that you don't go to depression. Okay, so what are some of the causes of stress? That we know of, there are many, there are numerous, this is Kenya, we are in political season where everything, the cost of living is high and everything is high, but there are things that we look at and we can tell Kenyans this is what is causing stress. And before I tell you the causes of stress, I want to tell you that according to the world health organization stress, depression, mental illness case, they are number 3 killer in the world. If you notice the number 1 cases of suicide between 15 and 29 years old, they are on the rise. And so you could be asking yourself, ah watu nishidagani wa mnuna kwa maisha? But you realize that there are many reasons because even a newborn baby, Stephanie, they have stress. How do they have stress and they are just born crying and they have everything for life? Those kids, those infants, they do have stress and that is where you see, their source of stress is not similar to yours. These children, they are looking at their mother and they can't see their mother, they are used to the voice of their mother and their face. So another face comes in, these kids look at you and cries. Una shimto umtoto ni suri angu wa mechukia. It is only communicating, the baby is telling you, I can't recognize your face. So yeah, I don't know you. So they are stressed and that's why they cry a lot and they have a way of showing that they are stressed. Maybe they are not even feeding well. So stress is not only for children, it is for everyone. And actually the youngest person to commit suicide was a nine-year-old child committed suicide. And so you are left wondering, what has this child seen in life so that they could. So that tells you that every level of your life you are dealing with stress. So what causes that, we come back to that, there are many reasons. You could be stressed because of maybe loss. Loss of life, loss of property, loss of status, you can name it. And because today we are addressing the youth, it is good that they know even when somebody is dating another person, nama kata liwa. That is enough cause of stress. That is enough. This was my crush and now nama nama nama nama nama nama nama nama nama nama mystery and this person can't respond back. You have spent the whole night trying to rehearse, you are going to tell this girl. And when you come in for us, this girl slaps you on your face, dismisses you. You have heard people being killed, you have heard of love triangles, isn't it? You are a boyfriend stabbed, the girlfriend to death or something. So that is loss, they are dealing with loss. It can be loss of life. Somebody has lost a loved one, a parent, you have lost maybe a close relative. And you know we are dealing with a pandemic, the COVID-19. So people are not mourning. For that reason, somebody died today, tomorrow they are buried. So they didn't get enough time to mourn their beloved people. That is enough cause of stress. And if stress is not managed when somebody is mourning, it can result to something else, nasty. So you must come to a closure before maybe you can move on. But what happens to us when we see Ukraine? I mean, it's enough, let mommy rest. You should help this person overcome that grief. So loss is one. Another cause of stress that we can deal with is probably illnesses that people are having. Illnesses, let's talk about life-threatening illnesses. Chronic illnesses like cancer. You've gone to a hospital, you're just having a headache. You didn't know much. Kufika pale, they diagnose you with cancer. That is enough cause of stress. And I'm told that more people die not because of the illness, but because of the mention of that illness. That if you didn't know that you're having it, you could have lived longer. But you've just gone there. This is a young girl who has never actually played with any person. And the first person she gets hooked up to, she contacted HIV. What becomes of that girl stress. If it is not well managed, you hear we've buried her. So other than illnesses, we can talk about because we are talking more of the youth, I will not tell the marriage, because they have not reached the barrier, must prepare them that marriage is one cause of stress. You've had people killing one another all over, isn't it? Even some very famous people, the other day we had a very famous person in Nigeria, a musician who died out of domestic violence. So if the marriage is not working, we do not come and start telling you, you better observe from a distance. So marriage can be another cause of stress if there is no good relationship with that marriage. So it is good that you monitor is this relationship toxic or not. That will be a show for another day. Other than marriage, another cause of stress can be peer pressure for our youth. Peer pressure is whereby I see Stephen with a nice shoe and I equally want one but I cannot afford one. Stephen has a boyfriend who bought for her a very expensive watch. Personally I don't have and my parents cannot afford. Peer pressure can cause stress in our youths and I think it is very common today because people want to manage a certain lifestyle. They have just finished from 4, they are going to join university. A very humble girl comes from the village, just well groomed and everything. You go to the university and you find what people are wearing is not necessarily what people are wearing in the village and so you want to upgrade your standard. So what do you do, you look for what people call amubaba so you can sponsor your lifestyle and so you are in stress after another. Stress after another? Yes because of peer pressure. You want to belong to a certain group which is okay but at least it is good you know. Even if you want to belong to this group, you can't get there. Because if you are not yet there, you can't manage it. That is it. We do not want to hear that somebody bought you a vehicle and then he kazi mua the car road. It is not very good. You feel stress there all day. Peer pressure we can't talk about career. We are talking about career week and we are talking about a career show. So you have realized that today unlike our days there are more diverse careers that have come up and you realize that people are now more exposed. When we were growing up I didn't know that there was something like a DJ that you can go and pursue that. We didn't know much of these careers that are here today. And so we knew careers are thus these things a doctor, a teacher, a what. We didn't know much. Now you have gotten your grade, you have an A minus, you have an A, a B plus or whatever. And your parent insist I want you to go and study medicine. I want you to go and pursue low. And so you are forced to do the career that is not out of your passion. And maybe let's talk to parents and tell them that today talent pays. So yeah it does. So don't just squeeze your child to the mentality that you had back then. Let this child go and explore their passion. It is out of their passion that they are going to make a living. So career can be a thing. I want you to do medicine and you passionate about art, design and all those things. So you pursue what you like. So that can be another issue. That can cause stress. Pregnancy? Definitely is. Especially when you are a youth and you don't marry. Imagine and you know when somebody is pregnant it's a period where your body is reacting to anything and everything. There's a lot of hormono changes in your body. And so you realize that this person has gotten pregnant, does not even know exactly the father and even if she knows the father and she doesn't know what is going on don't mention that. Don't even know you. You are on top of your hormones. You are dealing with something else altogether. You will be very stressed. So pregnancy can be a cause of stress. And by the way even when we are teaching our people about depression there is what we call postpartum depression. As a result of pregnancy somebody got a child now feels like you're not ready to bring up your child and you reject that child. You are crying. This mother is thinking of doing harm into this child. If postpartum depression goes past two weeks it's supposed to be checked medically. We should not assume. It's a cause of alarm. This person will either harm herself or harm the baby. And so we should be able to monitor if you're young and married and you're there. It's good if the lady has gotten a baby walk that journey together so that at least you monitor any behavior that does not look like the normal behavior. She shouldn't be left alone. She shouldn't feel overwhelmed. It's enough stress to bring up a child who is crying and who is digging that 2 a.m. is they waking up at time when you're sleeping. There is enough stress. It's a good feeling but at least you need enough support, enough help. Let me ask. I'm hearing there's a lot of external courses and they're also internal, something like fear, something like expectations. Talk to us about this. Let me tell you this. Now parents have gotten the result for their children and I think in Kenya today from experience either in teaching or even outside I think parents are the one doing exams. No, these children. I think parents celebrated more of this success. More than the children. Because they were like you know if she doesn't make it to university these and these. So you are there innocently, you are in school, you've done your best and you've put the best foot forward. You've worked very hard but you didn't make it to Sipras. You hammer a D. A D plus, a C minus. Anybody who prayed for you on the altar they expected a good grade but you haven't made the expectations. That is enough stress. That is enough stress and you know the thought of coming out and people asking you what did you get? Even someone who didn't send you a success card Kenya's you are doing that. We are good with that. And you weren't there when the child was learning or reading. You're part of it. Probably they are looking for that and she failed. So people must be there but at least that is a course of stress but let us learn to own our results. Not everybody was meant to go and pursue careers at the university. Not everybody was channeled towards academics. There are people who are channeled towards skills, the use of skills. Think of somebody who does your hair. Think of somebody they may not necessarily require a university degree to do your hair but they are working with their hands. There are so many other careers so it is good that parents do not just look at one area that says I may miss the university so there are so many other things that you can do. Take this child to a tertiary institution to a college, to a polytechnic let them get skills and those skills they are going to earn from them. So you must know that there are some inner issues that cause stress. I will tell you you realize that children and teenagers any other person has got some personal issues you keep to yourself what you call secret. There is somebody we call Johari. Johari came up with an explanation of self awareness and was saying that there is an area of open self people know you, you know yourself. There is an area of hidden self people don't know you but there is some secret you know about yourself. There is an area of blind self you don't know so is that a good is that like a potential you have something inside you I believe there are some qualities in you there are some potentials in you that you don't know that you possess them people don't know that you possess them only God knows that you possess them and most of the time they come out in the times of tragedy kunashida that is when you realize you can jump all the way up to there that's a potential we have never thought that you can be such a high jumper so in this area of hidden self these are the things you keep to yourself you don't want to discuss with people so some of the nasty experiences people have kept to themselves they keep on eating them up from inside but they are not able to share them with people think of somebody who was a rape victim or live in sodomized for that matter it can be vice versa think of somebody who ever aborted think of somebody who is struggling with masturbation, pornography that thing and it is killing them from inside we say that there is one theory of cancer that says every human being is good and wants to be good it's only that the situation does not allow it to be good so everybody wants to be good now you find that you may want to come out of that pornography but you are not able to deal with it and if I try and go and tell it to my mother she will kill me if I try and tell it to my pastor or anybody in the church I will be excommunicated from church if I share it with my friends they will spread it all over you prefer to keep it to yourself not that you have dealt with it you have just buried it so it is eating you from inside and one of the things I have noted even drug addicts they don't want to be in that situation they want to come out there is a voice in them crying out for help but nobody is able to decode that we are there judging them they will not want to be associated with a bad behavior nobody even while they listen to their songs most of them are gospel they are singing gospel songs even in her club because they still want to be associated with God because God is associated with good things you get it so this is so how do they manage how can someone manage this stress before I tell you how to manage stress let us tell people because most of the questions that I get is how do I know that I am stressed how do you know that you are stressed and the quickest and the easiest test that you can do yourself you ask yourself within a single day 24 hours what have you thought about because I am one person who never knew when I am stressed until when I feel my whole stomach is full of acid I am having headache within a span of 24 hours what have you thought about you can list so many because there are so many thoughts what have you thought about then you can list in the past one hour how many times have I thought in a frequency of 1 to 10 how many times has that thing repeated itself so we are going to look at the frequency of the things you've thought about if you've been thinking about career probably that is what is stressing you that is your cause of stress so that is how you decode the frequency of that thought within 24 hours within an hour and how many times has it repeated itself that is what is stressing you so that we can treat it so you had now asked how do we manage our stress number one share out before we get to that I know there are levels of stress so how do I know first mention the levels of stress that are there the types of stress that are there before we get to how to manage for purposes of this conversation we want to tell our viewers not the medical perspective we want to tell them that there is good stress good stress is this we call it you stress you stress you stress is good stress I mean if your life wasn't having any stress honestly you would be obese as in na kuna kitu kina kusum so the food comes in its back itself and everything and I am not saying that obese people do not have stress because again stress can result to overeating and disturbing you in your body at least why did you wake up because you had something you were pursuing now that is good stress so that is good stress you must be here you must be the traffic to be here and to do what that is good stress something that keeps you on your toes something that keeps you on your toes yani hujaka atu iwi miangali atu iwi what life is like if life is so good did you know that even look at children if you want your body to work well give it some small amount of stress if you don't if your body must work and function well give it something to think so the heart will be busy beating the mind will be busy jogging so your system is functioning and you are eating and you are using energy that is good stress what can we use as good stress something that will build us can we use that something that you want to achieve because now that is good stress you tell us my vision by the end of this year I want to have done this that is good stress because now you have to wake up every other morning put logistic in order on how to go and get that but now there is what you call the bad stress now this bad stress is what is making you not live your normal life if you are used to people talking to people and being the happy you now you becoming reserved now that is bad stress now you are feeling well you are sleeping well now you have abnormal sleeping patterns so what you call hypersomnia and insomnia insomnia is when you don't sleep at all then hyper is when you sleep at all hyper is when you sleeping throughout I mean we were not meant to sleep throughout we had to get food again we were not meant to go 24 hours without sleeping so there must be a balance so if stress comes and terminates that balance of how you are supposed to do things and so what now we need stress all we manage the stressors in our life number one and I advocate this mostly is share but when we say share we must tell you whom to share with you don't just go sharing with anyone this is Kenya not only Kenya you cannot trust anybody I mean with a secret you say it and in the evening it's all over media so you share it but you share it with the right people you can share you can go and be yourself you are blessed so what if you are in a toxic environment you are not really close to your parents maybe this is someone who has just finished their KCPU or KCAC and they are really disappointed in themselves or they feel they have disappointed the people so they can't really go to their parents because their parents are the strict type and you can't really confide in your friends because they will talk behind your back so how do they do it at least God has left some people that we can run to so if your parents are unapproachable you can use your relative like maybe you have a trusted auntie or uncle or even a grandparent I mean they are very good in understanding you go and tell them I know my mum is a lion I know my father is equally one so I cannot confide in them please tell them this and this please help them understand that it was not my wish not to get the grief they wanted in a relative if not that we have religious leaders who act as fathers and mothers in the sense if it's a lady so you can also confide in them so that at least you tell them they have a way of now talking to the parents and telling them may take it easy if not that is not working that is where we have the counselors you are able to access a counselor you go share out your fears without fear of being judged a counselor will not judge you without making judgment so you can always look for an escape route where you are going to talk and can I surprise you Stephanie sometimes when you go and share that stress with somebody not that they will give you a solution but the fact that they listened you just came and said you know the way my marriage is not working you know what what they preempt all their stressors and the more they are talking the more they are expressing so they go home feeling like why do you think people go to God and they cry you hear somebody saying God rent God this and this and this not that God not that there is answers you've gotten by the time you are leaving that church but you have a way of feeling like I've told my problems to somebody I believe them so I'm going away you get it that is now what happens when you're sharing so it is very important that you share what you do it is important that you do what you like most a way of releasing stress we also give this skill to people who are managing anger so we tell you that you have an issue with anger management what are you supposed to do do what you like most when you are angry so what is this we call them kadasis kadasis these are things these are strategies maybe you are artistic and so whenever you are stressed you feel you want to reduce it you just go and take your pen your brush and your painting whatever you go and draw some very nice thing what has that done to you it has temporarily removed your brain and your energy and your word from what was stressing you to what you are doing you've channeled your energy elsewhere so you can be maybe you're into music you sing there is no way you'll be concentrating on a melody maybe it's stress it's not possible maybe it's sports maybe it's football maybe it's whatever it is that you do and it brings you there maybe it's dancing you open the music and you dance yourself around the house by the time you sweat you are tired you are exhausted you don't think about that so that's another way there are people who manage their stress by travelling to kajiyado barabalaya na manga you drive and as you're driving you're seeing scenarios and what not so it's a way of relieving stress by the way because you've just walked away from the stressors and that is where you find in a marriage setup in a home environment if the man realizes that this home is toxic this wife is making a lot of noise they'll go to the club and come back at 2 am so they were running away from the stressors in the house so other than that they are looking for exercise exercise is a good way when you are exercising there are some hormones that your body gives out you're sweating out you will not concentrate on two things at the same time other than that we tell people about diet your diet what you eat so mind your diet it's good that you take something that has enough magnesium enough vitamins for relaxation so you can take that you take that often mind your diet don't take something that will make your system too tired to digest because you're adding stress to another system that has enough stress within itself so mind your diet it helps but I keep on reminding our viewers that diet is not necessarily the food even what you watch and what you listen is part of your diet so if you realize that you're stressed why watch a horror movie at the same time you're adding stress to a system that is stressed so watch something nice that can help you relieve that stress like a comedy yes like a comedy whatever it is that you listen or you do nowadays things they have everything what do you call it Snapchat you can go there to whatever it is that you go you watch people Kenyans never fail you so other than that what you see what you listen if you're in a toxic environment and the people you are living next to you they are only negative people they only speak negative things you will be full of stress yourself your system has a way of absorbing from the environment so quit toxic relationship and they say that when you associate even if you're not stressed or you associate with people who are always giving you the problems and everything it ends up stressing you is it true? even in cancelling after sitting and absorbing people's shock people's people crying people reward people's problem and you've absorbed enough of them within your system and the bad thing with cancelling is that you cannot go and share it was in a confidential setup you also go for therapy you go for a debriefing moment to a clinical therapist a clinician so they will take you through so that they help you unwind otherwise you will be too stressed you will be too tired you will be tired and most of them you've talked about I feel like it's a way of avoiding stress like you know when I'm thinking of something too much I do something that I like but how do I still be there if I'm thinking of how do I get a job my career I'm stagnant about this point so there's nothing changing I will go listen to my music but after that I come back to the same thing the situation has not changed so how do I really manage how do I get out of this stress I keep on saying that is to give you more fear for the situation more opportunities for you to fear until you get used to that fear if you are phobia speaking in front of people now we cannot pray for you so that you get out of that phobia we can only give you more chances opportunities to start and make mistakes and then you get used now what your problem was was job you've danced but the still problem exists you'll come here and weigh your options and probably go to the right people who can help open up your mind and realize that job doesn't have to be employed probably you've been working from office to office dropping your CVs and everything and it is not working Kenya today the rate of unemployment I think is over 17% is very high so what are you supposed to do look for alternative option B and what is that option B you can be self employed the bad thing with our youth today and not only them that way and I thank God for CBC because it is soon going to be shaped out we've grown knowing that you have to be employed you don't have to be employed you can self employ yourself and they are making money you can just decide to keep your degree down and you come and employ yourself you get it you can start a small business do not expect to make millions within the first year or within the second year allow your career your business to grow that we have been used to some people who have stolen money and they have become rich overnight and we think that is the way to success honestly that is not the way to success you have to build a career you have to build your brand name so that at least you can be somewhere so if you are willing because that is the problem you know me I mean the society and I have seen people you want somebody to go and paint just painting that I can do it's a small place and I can't work without 3000 you go and get does it very fast and comes back and you give them the money the same youth are seated there are you trying to say there is an employment no they have refused to work and they think work is working in a bank, in an office you get it so it is good that as much as you are dancing what was the source of stress and you find a solution sure sure and I believe there are career guidance you will be guided all through that if you want to make this money this is what you do this is what you don't do so tell us how we can know that we are stressed when we are thinking about something now what are the effects of stress one to our behavior to our mood and I don't know thank you when you want to know your stress there are things that we can look at because I told you if stress is not properly managed it leads to depression a state of hopelessness because you've been strong for too long so this stress how do you know that your stress if you are to look at a child for example and you want to identify that this child is stressed number one they are very moody mood swings that you normally used to be very happy in any all of sudden a very small thing makes you blow up you get it a very small thing and Kenyans we are an unclean nation as we talk people's level of stress is up there now if it was at 45 nights it has gone to 50 or 55 because the cost of living is high so this seems not to be working life is becoming tougher tighter every single day so stressors are becoming more so you realize that these people they are mood changes very fast they have some serious mood swings some say that they blow up another thing to look at these people they are with the drone a stressed person is with the drone even lack of concentration from what they normally do in normal day living this is the person you find that you can find at any job at any job at any laptop at any place and that is it me I know of somebody who goes to the work and he comes to me and he comes to me and I will say I have a lot of money lunchtime and he comes to me and he comes to me and he comes to me the day is gone hasn't done a thing so when you are not concentrating in your work you are stressed that is one way of doing it another thing that maybe you can look at in this person we've talked about irritability highly irritable na kusawa kitu kidogo me blow you blow out of proportion you think people hate you you think what you think what mind you are eating pattern stress people it's either they overeat or they are under eating and under eating let's talk to the youth because they are there there is something we call bulimia there is something we call anorex na vosa this binge eating kuna mitu akuna abno mo behavior of eating you eat and eat and eat you induce vomitting you continue eating and eating and eating it's a disorder you eat, you vomit and then you still continue eating it's a disorder again I don't know how to tell people that being a figure one is very nice so there are people who are fighting to their nail to get a figure one so what do they do they avoid food completely you find somebody has only taken a quarter slice of bread and some to view vegetables the whole day 24 hours nothing else so this person becomes malnourished and if they realize that they are eating they go and induce vomitting na kuna nana nana ita pikaute so that at least they want to remain that figure one one day you repent in public you don't have energy and your body requires energy to walk to breathe to do water so your patterns of eating can tell us whether you are stressed or not pattern of sleeping your sleeping pattern I told you you can never be sleeping too much or not getting sleep at all now it has a way of impacting in your productiveness when you go to work you didn't sleep well or you slept too much you don't become productive that's another way of making somebody stressed so the other things I had mentioned what you call psychosomatic illness now this is illness that the real cause is not known we try to treat I'm sure you must have heard people saying that when my child is doing an exam kila waka ti ukuwamu kwenjo have you ever asked yourself why you are sick this is exam phobia the body has to come up with something that will give an excuse not to do that exam it comes in the form of headache it comes in the form of diarrhea it comes in the form of stomach upset and every other thing so this child is sick and generally the child is sick but when you take them to the doctor they can't find anything in the system so what do they do they refer you to a counselor and when they talk you realize that there is a hidden fear what you call anxiety we say that anxiety is what makes you stop living your normal life actually you wanted to ask if prolonged stress can lead to anxiety not necessarily prolonged stress leads to depression but as stress person is anxious you are anxious because anxiety is when you don't know what will happen next and so when you are anxious we can classify you into several categories because we have what we call anxiety disorders there are people who fear but the fear is unknown you feel like this house will blow up but you have not heard of alshababs you have not heard of anything there is nothing threatening but within you you have a lot of fear so it makes you feel like this house is full of majinis you have never seen a jini yourself personally I have also never seen one but you feel like there is one in the house you start hearing your voices people calling you I have dealt with people who tell that the hearing voices telling them to kill themselves the suicide of people so when you deal with this child you realize there is a lot of anxiety we have seen parents fight because if you grew up in a dysfunctional home it's one cause of stress your parents were fighting throughout who would want to see their mother being battered or even their father for that matter and so when you hear your mother screaming will you still continue sleeping of course not, that's enough stress and we are saying that anxiety now can prolong and it becomes something else you now get a disorder can either be helped through the use of a counselor but if it is extreme because we look at some qualities how many of them do you possess so that we know whether to put it on medicine or actually to refer you to a clinical psychologist because now the normal counselor will not put it into drugs you have to be done some test so that they can know these require some clinical psychologist to come and do psychological assessment and tell you whether you will go for drugs or not so now how do you something else on stress they say that certain personalities are more prone to stress I don't know how true this is the other time we did a show on personality development yes they are the four main personalities that we discussed we talked of the very energetic people who are doing extreme hard work melancholic very organized very ordinary extreme need freaks we talked of the sanguin who are very happy outgoing and we talked of phlegmatic people who don't talk much now I want you to picture this this is a sanguin a sanguin are people who do everything for a show off whatever they are doing they buy a gadget it's for a show off they want to drive the most expensive machine so that people can recognize them in the society what do they do they will either go and borrow and so they will be stressed their type of life will be stressed and characterized by stress because they want to please the society but they don't have the capability of pleasing them you want a fund worth 100,000 but you can only afford one worth 10,000 what do you do you go and borrow 90 you do not even have the ability to pay back that money well so you'll be stressed you are an overspender we know you are an overspender if the type of life you are living it is beyond your means you shouldn't be able to struggle financing your lifestyle you shouldn't struggle financing your lifestyle come away when you are in a salon normally you do your hair it should come naturally that you do your hair but if you are struggling to do your hair then you are doing a hair that is not of your lifestyle it is way above what you are supposed to do these people they will be stressed because they want to live like that higher than what they are earning so the sanguins are not thrown into stress any person will be stressed I told you what happens between when this personality marries this personality because I want you to imagine of somebody who is very quiet and reserved married to a sanguin I want you to imagine of a kurerik not a kurerik but a melancholic who is very orderly married to a sanguin who is very disorderly I want my socks put here you will be stressed you will be stressed what about this person who is a phlegmatic married to a melancholic phlegmatic me quiet, godly, reserved, friendly and then the person here wants things done in a certain way wants food served in a certain way and you can't manage that what will happen? you feel intimidated they want the bed made wide sheets whatnot and you didn't manage that you feel intimidated and you will be stressed because of that so even in marriage when people are looking for wives and husbands it's good you know the personality you get married and you ask yourself am I ready to settle down with this kind of personality now what does it mean when someone suddenly starts crying from nowhere does that show that you are really stressed maybe you have been piling a lot of things inside you and this is an adult because children will cry for children that is their language of communication but for an adult we do not expect you to be a cry baby the only people we allow to cry is in the soap operas at your hand when you find you and you are busy crying but now in the real life situation life has hardened you so if you are crying and it is not during barrier you have not received bad news you are not what it could be a sign of depression stress can make you cry but when you are stressed you are still juggling with that problem depression is where it has overwhelmed you so people who are clinically depressed they break down with no proper order no specific reason so we would really need to deal with this person we say that number one sign of depression is extreme sadness but we can't even explain why this person is sad neither can the victim explain so this person can just break down anytime for no proper reason so it could be a sign of depression so as we come to a close of this conversation how do you quiet your mind how do you ensure you don't get into stress things like that let me start by saying that in this world you will never avoid stress you could live a very careful life you could be a very careful driver but the person driving next is not going to care so you are a careful driver but you will not avoid stress because the people who will cause stress are all over but I can say this you can practice how to quiet your mind you know what you are absorbing within yourself you know your environment which people are within you which people are next to you which group of people for example you must have heard this term that tumenda kureve we've gone for girls night out for boys out chunguza sana what is this one factor that has tied these people if you are not part of that factor walk away run away from that because you could find that these people they have cash but you don't have it if you are in that group you feel intimidated you will be stressed to avoid that so check your environment very well and try to get rid of toxic things that can make you if it's in a house that you're living and the neighbors are always fighting and what not you can choose to vacate move and move to a next house that is quiet if it's for example a career you're in a career and it is very negative you're not getting good feedback honestly in as much as you'll be there you'll not be productive I mean for you to be productive you must be happy of what you do every single day and it is unfortunate that we are told that most Kenyans are not happy they are not even contented with what they do they are not happy that this is what they wake up to do it's Monday morning Monday morning we don't have to go to work we have to go to the medical court so that is what they are not happy with what they are doing they excite you so you can try and quiet your environment, get rid know what you are absorbing personally I watch news but I select what to watch you could find me on TV and I just select because today the world is so negative either they are reporting somebody who was killed somebody who burnt a house somebody who stabbed another person now why should my system absorb all these killings of course not so it is good to know what is happening but at least do not sit and listen to bad news after bad news after bad news it is going to work negatively on you and above all it is good to do meditation before you sleep you want people to do yoga so you just sit and you quiet your inner soul because you could be quiet you switch off the TV and every gadget but from inside there is so much noise there is more than a club so learn to quiet do meditation you meditate just keep quiet and let your thoughts you feel like you are in the air that is now good meditation it is able to get rid of those and it gives you quality sleep thank you you said we should know what exactly is stressing us so we go through what we have been thinking around the day know what I have thought about so much it is probably what is stressing me and then I find a way I find something that I love doing to avoid that stress and then I should address that particular stress face it head on and be in a good space avoid toxic environment and do meditation just to be in a peaceful place and there is no way I can avoid stress in this life you will not avoid stress not unless you are living in heaven where there are angels you have to find ways of managing sure thank you this has been a wonderful conversation do you have a word that you want to pass before we close maybe I can tell our Kenyans our viewers that all these things we are talking about we are talking about stress, depression, anxiety all those disorders at time reaches even in parenting you find that you have tried all your best and it is still not working you have done everything within your needs it is still not working you need help that is when you come to us as the counselors and we are able to help we are able to come through your problem we are able to work with you through that journey so before you commit suicide it normally pains me a lot when I hear somebody committed suicide because I always imagine the potential within this person I graduate to Amejuwa before you can go into that extreme and even for our youth we are able to help because we are able to help they are not the disciples of Jesus they are more so when you move on you will get a better one before you think of doing anything nasty before you think of killing yourself before you think of getting into drugs talk to us reach out to someone get to counselors how expensive or affordable no we are affordable because some people may say I can't afford a counselor so there is no way I am even considering that as an option but can I surprise you I have done marriage counseling to some people I do counseling because I am also into child psychology I have done child counseling and such stuff one on one and you will notice if you go to a hospital setup how much do you pay for consultation only just consultation nothing else consultation fee hajakupati yadawa hajakutibu and there you are and maybe that illness prolongs until you go to the lab they do scan, they do test and everything it becomes very expensive to manage a disease but if only you booked a therapy session where you are able to talk one on one you wouldn't go the drug way even in marriage setup just in your marriage you go see a counselor before they go out of hand you will not go to the expense of even kujikuta kwa media sijumuri wana, sijumunatafta wakili siji uiwa meenda divorce is expensive separation is expensive and then economically you are stagnated you are not now investing that way so it is always easier to see a counselor than to treat the issue that you would have gone to hospital so thank you so we have had it seek for help, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it because when you shout out you have solved half of the problem this has been an interesting conversation with Zepora Wanyiki who is a trainer, a counselor and a teacher thank you for coming once again Zepora so that brings the end to youth and career but Ramagoko will be coming up next so don't go anywhere we take a short break