 From Hollywood, the NBC Theatre presents... ...Director's Guild assignment. Production, hired wife. Director, William Citer. Star, Rosalind Russell. This is the screen director's guild presentation of life as it is lived by a private secretary. The comedy, hired wife, starring Rosalind Russell and introducing the director of the film, William Citer. Tonight, it is the privilege of the NBC Theatre to introduce a man whose profession is the relentless pursuit of that titillating will-of-the-wisp known as motion picture comedy. The Hunt has been a remarkably successful one, for as a screen director, he has employed his unusual abilities to create some 175 films, most of them designed for laughter. You've seen his director's credit on such pictures as Roberta, Up in Central Park, the affairs of Susan, One Touch of Venus, and tonight's story, Hired Wife. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Citer. Thank you, thank you. About 25 years ago, when I was working as an actor in a motion picture comedy, my director became ill. Somehow the word got around, let's try to finish the film. That's where they made their first big mistake. They've never gotten me out of the director's chair since. Why? It's simple. I like making comedies. I like making people laugh. Why do they laugh at? Well, maybe after another 25 years of directing, I'll know for sure. But for now, all I can do is guess. For instance, I took a guess on a story, Hired Wife, and a character named Kendall Browning, a private secretary. Rosalind Russell seemed to be unnatural for the part. Kendall Browning was employed in New York by Stephen Dexter, the Stephen Dexter cement company. With her horned rimmed glasses and poised pencil, she was efficiency personified. Her boss was sublimely unaware that his perfect secretary was also a beautiful woman. And of course, Kendall was in love with him. But every spring, she watched him go off in a romantic took. Some come home with his heart on a sling. So one April, when Stephen had fallen into the clutches of a man-eating blonde named Phyllis Walden, Kendall decided to take matters into her own hands. Half of that is one of the reasons I like making comedy. Oh, Kendall. Yes, Mr. Dexter? Phyllis Walden, the model, will be dropping in to discuss an advertising contract. Yes, Mr. Dexter. Please show her in as soon as she arrives. Very well, Mr. Dexter. Phyllis Walden. Mrs. Cementbag of 1949. I've got a good mind to toss her out on her shell pink ear. Yes? Phyllis Walden is here to see Mr. Dexter. Tell her that Mr. Dexter will see her right... Oh, no. No. Send her in to see me. I'm probably going to hate myself for this in the morning. You're Stephen's secretary? Yes. I'm Kendall Browning, Stephen's private secretary. I'm Phyllis Walden. Mrs. Walden, I have some bad news for you. Oh? Mr. Dexter was going to put you on his cement bag. What? Well, I mean, for advertising. Go on. Well, the deal is off. Mr. Dexter changed his mind about it just before he left for Chicago. Chicago? Oh, what did he say? Well, if you really want to know, he said tell Miss Goofy Pan she can't peddle her kisser to Steve Dexter. What? Yeah, that's right. Kendall is Miss Walden here. But why Phyllis? Darling, come in. Well, Stephen, my... But that was a fast trip to Chicago. Chicago? What are you talking about? Don't get excited, Stephen. When you finish with Miss Walden, I'll explain. I still can't understand what made you say those things to Phyllis Walden. She was so upset I had to take her home. Fui. What? I said Fui. Now that's a fine attitude. It was for your own good. Every spring, your young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of mantraps. Two years ago, it was that hobo gun redhead. Last year, it was... Never mind. Phyllis is a lady. Kendall, you're my right hand. I can't run this business without you. But stay out of my private life. All right. I'm tired of doubling as a nurse for a juvenile delinquent anyway. Bum. Giddies, end of round one. Oh, uh, come in, Roger. Either of you want a good lawyer? My secretary here objects to a young lady of my acquaintance. The great love of his life. He saw a picture and an advertisement for a new model automobile and went all gooey. Yes, I did. He was fascinated by the automatic rumble seat. If you kiddies really want to fight, save it for the board meeting at the General Cement Company. Oh, that's right. Stephen, we're due there in half an hour. Those cutthroats are sore at you, boy. They'll pull every legal trip in the book to get you out of business. I'll get you a notebook, Kendall. Right away. Come on, Raj, and sharpen that keen legal mind. We're going to need it. Dexter, we offered to buy your company at a fair price. The price wasn't fair, Mr. Hudson, and you know it. We gave you a chance to come in with us, but you chose to fight. That's right, Latimer, and I'll keep right on fighting. But not for long. We're bringing an injunction against you, the first thing in the morning. Dexter, we'll tie up every penny you own. It's a technicality, a trick. It's unfair. Well, of course it's unfair, but it's legal and there's nothing you can do. Right, Hudson? Right. Oh, Stephen. Oh, take a good look at the office. Stephen Dexter Cement Company is on the way out. We'd better take home a few sacks. I hear they make good tents. Please now, Roger, isn't there something we can do? No, they'll tie up every cent in your name. Too bad you aren't married. That's it. Stephen, you've got to get married. What? You mean him? Married? Sure. I'll put every last penny, every sack of cement, even your house in your wife's name. There must be some other way. It'll just be a formality. After a few weeks, you can get a divorce. Stephen, it's a wonderful idea. All you have to do is find a girl you can trust. Someone who understands your problem. Someone close to you. Kendall, you're right. And you know who she is. Oh, Stephen. Come on. You'll have to be married tonight. You can't do that in New York, so you'll have to fly to Charleston. Well, I'll have to go home and change my clothes. Why? For the trip. Why do you have to go? Stephen, who are you going to marry? Well, who do you think? Phyllis Walden. What? Now let's get busy. I'll make a list of all my property. Roger, draw up papers transferring everything to my wife. Miss Howard? Yes, sir. Get two reservations of the next plane to Charleston. And Kendall, go ask Phyllis Walden to marry me. What? I'd ask her myself, but I haven't got time. Oh, what do you want me to do? Drag her here by the hair of her phony eyelashes? Please, Kendall, I need your help. You don't need me. You need Dorothy Dix. You'd know how to talk to another woman, Kendall. You can explain it. Yeah, sure. Yes. I certainly will. Dexter sent me. Well, come on in. I'm dying to hear what you have to say. Your lies are so corny, they're fascinating. This one will knock you out. Mr. Dexter wants you to marry him tonight. He does? Well, I hardly know what to say. Well, you might try a simple yes or no. Now look, Walden, I'm not batting for Cupid. This is strictly business. Whose business? Yours. You can put you within spending distance of a very serious sum of sugar. Go on, I'm listening. Stephen will be waiting at the airport at five o'clock. Flying to Chicago again, I suppose? No, no, Charleston. How nice. I've never been married in Charleston. You must think I'm an awful dope, really brawning. Well, I'm just telling you. Yes, wouldn't it be nice for you to go back to Stephen and say that Walden number has a price tag, but I'm not that kind of a girl? Well, Stephen just told me to ask you. Tell him I'd love to marry him tonight, but my trousseau is in the laundry. All washed up, eh? Walden's done her duty. I'll tell him, Walden. Brother, will I tell him? Roger, our plane leaves in five minutes. I wonder what's keeping Phyllis? Will you stop having pups? You know you can count on Kendall. Steve! Steve! There's Kendall, but Phyllis isn't with her. Steve! Phyllis said no. You mean she won't marry me? Well, now you can't blame her. No woman wants to get married just for a favor. Well, it was a nice business while I had. You haven't lost it, Steve. All you have to do is marry somebody. Yes, but who? Well, don't look at me. I can't cook. To get married tonight, it doesn't matter who. As long as she's a girl you can trust. Steve, don't you know her wife when you see one? Kendall? Well, maybe she's busy tonight. Well, I really had planned to read another chapter of Little Women. Kendall, what do you say? Marry me until this trouble blows over? Oh, and this is the romantic moment I've always dreamed about. Come on, husband, let's go. Happy landings. I'll be waiting at your house when you get back. The rice, so I got out a box of corn flakes to throw at you. Well, go ahead and throw them. I can't. I ate them while I was waiting. Did you bring those papers with you? Yes, right here. Where do I sign? Um, this line. That does it. Congratulations, Stevie Boy. You're now a pauper. I'll have the transaction recorded. If there's anything you need, Steven, just ask your wife. Goodbye. Fine friend he is. He didn't even stay to drink a toast to the bride. Never mind. I'll drink it for him. Then you'd better run along. Oh, well, I am pretty tired. You're a real friend, Kendall. And I, well, thank you for marrying me. You're welcome, I'm sure. Oh, Steven, let's not kid about it. I know it's just a business arrangement, but it is marriage. I'm glad I didn't know it was going to be like this. Kendall. Yes, Steven? Right now, I'm rather glad I married you. Oh, no, no, Steven, don't. You're my wife. Not because you wanted me. I'm a substitute for Phyllis Walden. Phyllis Walden would be Mrs. Dexter tonight if, well, if I hadn't made her refuse your bid. Yes, the way I put it. I knew she turned me down. No woman likes to admit that she's up for sale, even if she is. You mean you made Phyllis believe I thought I could buy her? Well, you double-crossing little... Steven, remember, you're a Harvard man. Stop acting so counter-founded married. We are, you know. Don't take advantage of a technicality and go home. Why, Steven, where am I? Will you please get out of my house? Your house? Oh, right. If it's a fight you want, you'll get one. Steven, you're in no position to fight. Are you going? Yes, but I'll be back. And in the meantime, don't get any cigarette burns on my rug. Kendall. Yes, Steven. You're fired. Yes, Steven. The thing you own belongs to me, Mrs. Steven Dexter. Good night. Receptionist. Just a minute. Where are you going? To my office. You can't go in there. The boss is busy. Boss? Yes, Mrs. Dexter. It's locked. It can't be locked. She can't do this to me. She did. If you want to see her, I suggest you call later and try to make an appointment. Kendall. Kendall. I'll get in if it takes me all week. Dexter, you back again? How long can this go on? I've been here every day this week and she wouldn't see me. But this is Friday and I'm getting in. Mr. Dexter, what are you hiding behind your back? Mrs. Dexter, put down that ax. Stand aside. But there's something you ought to know. Out of my way. Dexter, I tried to tell you, your wife's out to lunch. Did she leave any message? Yes. She said you were to have all the money in the petty cash box for meals. Ah, food at last. How much is there? One dime, three Lincoln pennies and a two cent stamp. You are listening to the Screen Directors Guild production of Hired Wives, starring Rosalind Russell with Carlton Young as Steven, and introducing the director of the film, William Citer. Mrs. Steven Dexter, cement company. Mrs. She changed the name. Is Mr. Dexter there? Yes, he's been in the outer office all day. What's he doing out there? No desk. Oh, let me talk to him. It's Roger Van Horn. Roger, a fine lawyer you are. You got me into this mess and now I never see you. Don't complain. I saved your business, didn't I? Save my business. I haven't got a business. I haven't got an office. I don't even have a desk. Something wrong? It's Kendall. She's thrown me out. Your own wife? My own sweet darling wife. Well, maybe you don't treat her the way a wife ought to be treated. I've tried, but I can't get close enough to kick her. That's not what I meant. Have you tried being affectionate? Affectionate? With that water cooler? Criot, she just wants a little romantic attention. You go in there and I'll be right over. All right, I'll try it. I'll walk in there and say, Kendall, I want to talk to you. Kendall, I want to talk to you. Very well, Steven. I can't go on any longer. How can I see you like this every day cold, detached, unemotional? But isn't that the way you wanted it? Yes, at first, but now I know you're more than a secretary. You're a woman. What are you driving at? You're a desirable woman. You shouldn't be scorned. You should be loved. Kissed. Steven, what's happened to you? Kissed, like this. And I just dropped by to... Oh, kissing your secretary, how nice. Phyllis. Oh, hello. What's new in the woodwork? Steven, I'd like to talk to you alone when you're quite through kissing your secretary. I am not his secretary. I'm his wife. Is this true, Steven? Yes, Phyllis, but it's you I love. Will you marry me? Oh, nice talk from a bridegroom. I swear my wife means nothing to me. You traitor. She's just a business arrangement. There goes your allowance. I'm not going to live with her. You're not going to live, period. I won't even talk to her. All I want to hear from you is a death rattle. It was you I wanted Phyllis right from the start. Well, you can start right now and take her with you. I wouldn't have him if you served him on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. Well, what are you waiting for? Here's a nickel for the apple. I'll beat it. What was that that just whizzed by? Out of the way, Roger. Mr. Steven Dexter is on his way out. Oh, no, he isn't. I've got to surprise the you kids. Nothing could surprise me now. Oh, yeah? Well, try this on for size. Someone tipped Latimer of General Cement that your marriage isn't bona fide. It isn't. It's an optical illusion. If they can prove that we're sunk, they're bound to check up on you. Kendall, go home and start packing. Good. Ship her away. Away? Nothing. I'm shipping her to your house. My house? My house? Naturally, your house, your house. When I move into Roger's house, Roger's house? Well, I won't do it now. That's asking too much. Oh, I don't know. Most newlyweds put up with it. But think of the position it puts me in. Naturally, we Dexter's preferred death to dishonor. Well, what about me? What'll I tell my husband? Not you, the next one I'm going to marry. No. Very well, prudes. I'll see you in bankruptcy court. Now, look, if you're going to be scaredy cats, invite some respectable relative or friend to stay in the house and referee. Oh, that's an idea. Roger. Oh, no. Now, wait a minute. You can't do this to me. No, no, no. Oh, for Pete's sake. Roger. Roger! Can't you stop that snoring? This is my home. Why do I have to sleep in the guest room with you? Because Kendall's in your room. What? And I'm your chaperone. Roger, please, Roger. You answered. It's your house. Don't be calling me at your number. Oh, all right. Hello, Dexter. Yes, who's this? Let me speak to Mrs. Dexter. Who? That woman you're supposed to be married to. Oh, her. Wait a minute. It's Latimer. Oh, oh. Hello. Mrs. Dexter? Yes, Mrs. Stephen Dexter. This is Latimer of General Cement. Oh, yes, Mr. Latimer. How nice of you to call. What can we do for you? Well, frankly, Mrs. Dexter, I doubted that you and your husband were really living together, but since you are, let me congratulate you. Thank you. Let me talk to Mr. Dexter. Hello, Latimer. You beat our injunction and we're ready to make a deal. Fine. I'll call you tomorrow. Good night. Well, what do you know? They're licked. Finished. Oh, Stephen, that's wonderful. I'm so glad. So am I. Now I can get a divorce. If you hurry and pass, it's time to make the two o'clock plane for Reno. I am not going to Reno. That's a good gear. What do you mean you're not going to Reno? I've suddenly decided I like being Mrs. Stephen Dexter, that's all. But I want a divorce. Well, whistle for it. Oh, my toe! You slammed the door on my toe! What are you doing out of bed? No, Latimer called. Checking up, eh? Yes, we're making a deal. Oh, we beat him. No, I want a divorce. Would you mind waiting until morning? How long will it take? Is Kendall willing? No, she isn't. If she fights. And she will. It'll take years. How many? Five. Good. Your best bet is to disappear and be given up for dead. Of course, that's just a Kurdstone opinion. Now come to bed, Stephen. You're stuck with me. So you like being Mrs. Stephen Dexter, eh? Well, I thought I did. Come here, Mrs. Dexter. Stephen, don't you dare touch me. I'm going to shower you with all the kisses a wife deserves. Stephen! Stephen! Oh, don't! Dude, make up your mind. How can I get rid of this woman? Well, not that way, old boy. There is a way, though, an annulment. How soon can I get one? A few weeks. We'll just have to show it's been no marriage. Well, you can testify to that. I'll start proceedings tomorrow. Well, Kendall, that closes the book. Ah, I guess it does. I'm going home, Stephen. Good. Then I'll get a good night's sleep in my own room. What about your things? I'll call for them in the morning. Stephen. Yes? It has been kind of fun, hasn't it? Fun? Yes, I guess it has at that. I'll call Cab for you. All right, Stephen. Good morning, Roger. Lovely morning for an annulment. Yeah, only there won't be any annulment. And what is that remark supposed to indicate? You can't expect me, an attorney, to testify that you slept in your own bed last night. But I did. In my own room. Kendall went home. She did? She did. Oh, that's probably her now. Come to pick up her clothes. Good morning, Stephen. Morning, Kendall. I was just talking to Roger here. Can you beat it? He refuses to testify an annulment because he thought you were in my room last night. He did? Yes. He did? Well, this is not a scream. He still doesn't know for sure, does he? Oh, you wouldn't dare. This is blackmail. So, Kendall, where were you last night? Go on, go on, tell him. You went home and stayed there. I went home and stayed there. A bare-faced lie, if ever I heard one. My best friend stabbing me in the back. Leave your back out of this. Oh, there's a door again. Stephen, dear, I just couldn't wait to come over and straighten out our misunderstanding. Oh, what's she doing here? Having breakfast with my husband. Phyllis, darling, I can explain. You see, Kendall was sleeping in my room, and I couldn't sleep with Roger because he snored. Oh, it's all right, Stephen. Don't bother to explain. You win, Walden. He wants you. I quit. And for your information, Roger, I did spend the night at my apartment. That's that. Will somebody pass the sugar? Oh, shut up. Well, now what's the matter? There goes the best secretary a man ever had. Oh, there are lots of secretaries. Not like Kendall's. Stevie Boy, are you sure you aren't in love with Kendall? Roger, I've been deserted. My wife walked out on me. Now, why in the world would she do a thing like that? Hey, dope, you've been crazy about her all along. Good lord. I'm in love with her. Well, go get her. What are you waiting for? That's what I'm going to do right now. Kendall! Kendall! Don't shout, dear. I'm right here behind the door. How could I ever let you go? Really, Stephen? You never had a chance. Kendall, will you marry me? But we're already married. Oh, yes. Well, let's go back and kick that chaperone out of our house. Yes, darling. What do we need with a chaperone? The NBC Theater has presented the screen director's gill production of Hired Wife starring Rosalind Russell with Carlton Young and introducing the director of the film, William Citer. Next week, as every week, the NBC Theater brings you another great film drama with its original team of director and star. The memorable Lloyd C. Douglas story, magnificent obsession starring Irene Dunn and introducing screen director John Stahl. And now, here again are tonight's stars, Rosalind Russell and Carlton Young and screen director William Citer. Well, Bill, as a motion picture director, now, what do you think of radio? It'd be a great invention except for one thing. Yes? Well, what's that? Microphones. I'm scared to death of them. Listen to that, Carlton. He was an actor when they used to turn out a whole complete picture in one week and he's afraid of microphones. It's so simple, Bill. All you have to do is talk. Okay, I'll try. Let's talk about your last picture, the Velvet Touch. No, no, no, no, no, no. If we're going to talk, I have something else to say. Often the public isn't quite aware of the immense part that you and the rest of all the directors play in motion picture making. You might be a little scared of the microphone. They're in the studio. But on the set, no one knows better than I what a fine showman you are. Lending your talent and experience to actors and actresses and all the others concerned with the picture. Thanks, Bill. You are a great guy handling one of the toughest jobs in films. Well, after compliment like that, Roz, not even a microphone scares me. Here, let me get closer to this thing. I'm going to start to talk. Another thing about radio, Bill, it runs on schedule. There's only time to say one thing. What's that? Good night. Night, Roz. Good night, Bill. Good night, Roz. And good night to you, Rosalind Russell, William Citer, and Carlton Young. Also heard on tonight's program were Ed Begley, John Banks, Fred Shields, Herb Litten, Dan Riss, and Betty Moran. Script was by Richard Allen Simmons, and original music was composed and directed by Henry Russell. Production was under the supervision of Howard Wiley, associate producer Bill Karn. Your announcer has been Frank Barton. Pired wife was presented through the courtesy of Universal International Pictures. Soon to release, the new comedy hit, The Life of Riley, starring William Bendix as Riley. Rosalind Russell is currently starring in the independent artist production, The Velvet Touch, released by RKO. Listen again next week when the NBC Theatre presents Screen Directors Guild Assignment, Production Magnificent Obsession, Director John Stahl, Star Irene Dunn. The Screen Directors Guild program comes to you from Hollywood. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.