 you tell me what the sound quality is like. So I found a new guru. I've been listening to all these talks by a bloke named Chaim from Sexaholics Anonymous and he's a great man. I think he's like a liquid yeshiva bacher. He's a Talmud student. He lives in, sounds like he lives in Lakewood, New Jersey and there are all these Sexaholics Anonymous podcasts of him on the daily reprieve and it's really good stuff. I mean, I totally identify with this. Okay, let's see. There's always a reason why the boss sucks, why work sucks, why his boss sucks. I mean, that's so true. He's got lots of great points. He talks about how your image of God is going to shape how you become. So my image of God tends to be distant, remote, delivering karma to those who deserve it and that's kind of how I am. I'm distant, remote, delivering karma to those who deserve it. He talks about how, hey, if your ideas are working for you then just keep following your ideas and if they're working, they keep doing it. So saw this great tweet the other day, says, if you're not satisfied with where you are in life and in all likelihood, there are all sorts of things that you believe that are not true. Oh, wow. So I'm 50% dissatisfied with where I am in life. So probably 50% of my beliefs not serving me. So he's also got another perspective about a belief or a practice like, is that helping to keep you sober? I think that is so profound. Is that belief helping to keep you sober or is that practice? Is that ritual? Is that person in your life? Is that activity? Is that approach helping to keep you sober? So checking out Facebook when you're at work, is that helping to keep you sober in under owner's anonymous? Man, there is heavy waves out there. Surf is up, right? I'm on the way to Bondi Beach. So how long I'm going to be after last year? Tell me about the sound quality. Is it absolutely awful because of the wind? Trying to find a cleft in the rock. I've been a powerful shaming, a source of depression. If I didn't come to believe, if I'm not sitting here humble, open-minded to the messages that recovery really has to offer. That is step two. Come to believe in a power greater than myself. The second realization of step two is that in my whole life, myself, that's why I need to come to believe in a power greater than myself. You know something? My parents failed me. The school system failed me. Life failed me. This wife wasn't even supposed to be the wife that I meant to marry. My kids failed. My finances failed me. You know something? After the whole world, I got control. I'm listening to no one. So he tells a great story about going to a coffee shop, becoming absolutely entranced by a woman. And he's just fixated on her, thinking about why did I marry the woman I married? Like how can I marry this woman? Then she turns around and waves at him. He realizes the woman he's fixated on, the woman he's perving on, is his own wife. I love that story. I got this. For once and for all, I'm both. You know something? And when I take control, I can prove to you I have good things in my life. So self-absorbed with self. My masturbation gives the finger to my wife and children, the porn, the strip clubs, and massage parlor. I don't give a crap. It's all about me. And okay, this is coming from a sexaholic. He's a Yeshiva bacher. She was student, highly observant, orthodox Jew. And his life is just being torn apart by a sex addiction. I'll tell you what I mean by coming to believe. So it's the holiday season of Hanukkah. I'm a Jewish boy. 13 years ago was when my wife got disclosure around this time of what my behaviors are. So she started to get semi-what disclosure. My rituals would basically be I would learn all day and watch porn and masturbate or went to a strip club. I would feel so guilty and shameful. So he's learning Talmud or day in a Yeshiva in Lakewood. It's some very, very holy people. Right? So he's learning Talmud or day with holy rabbis in a holy community. Whoa! And he can't stay sober. Like he's then acting out at night going to strip clubs. So this kind of mirrors my life. I was observing orthodox Judaism. I was studying Torah hours a day. Then I was acting out in crazy ways sexually. So, you know, one impetus for me to convert Judaism was I thought, ah, this is a disciplined holy way of life that would be really good for me. It's just kind of discipline I need to overcome my selfish lustful side. Now, this will help me get a handle on my, you know, crazy, wild sexual impulses. Religion didn't do it for me. In pure, so I would go to ritual orders. And after that, I would come home and I would light the candles. And it just a few nights ago when I was lighting in the middle of the second brook, I burst up and I was like, I can't stop. Because my wife already knew that I was having problems. I was still doing it. I could not stop. Ever the hunnacle flames of the flames may resonate into my pupils of my eyes and pure my soul. And it started to hurt like this, like bounce back based again, did that a few times. Every one of us know in our heart. This guy's fair dinkum man. I am from Lakewood on the daily reprieve podcast, right? He's a Lakewood Yashiva student, an out of control sex life. I needed to eradicate any of that. Biyakadio is the beginning of fixing or personal problems. Interesting. Okay, so I'm sure for many people that's absolutely correct. And then what that helps another person get to recovery is yoga and another person is church and the person at synagogue. All right, maybe there are different horses for different courses comes before that. Maybe I should restructure that maybe pray for five, 10 minutes. So I spent thousands of hours dovening praying. And I got to be honest, it hasn't really done much for me. Right. I needed, I needed something else. I needed a different path in a different road to God. So I like 12 step meetings. It's like God with skin on it for other people's getting out into nature. Being a triathlete. I'm sure there are there are many paths. Because we're a cancer patient and you're in the hospital and you need treatment. And there's a lot of doctors around that you can ask them questions. So he's talking about Lakewood. All right, very orthodox, traditional orthodox community in New Jersey. He's talking about 200 guys there. Longing to sexaholics anonymous. Right. You might think with all that Torah observance, they wouldn't need it. Trips and all call this week from a guy who's in program famous. I can't get it. I can't get it. I'm out there. I'm out there. I'm going to die. I took his family to a trip. Yes, Brendan, if you need a group to dig your way out, you lack resolve. Yes, you do. Absolutely. But many people, the most effective way to get resolved to do the things they need to do is to get communal support. Other people may not need that. Right. But some people need communal support. And people who need people, the happiest people in the world. But it's already in the system. The only thing I need to do is press send. My sponsor says maybe in a few months from now. Now is not the time to get your first year of work. Have you noticed how left wing scientific American has got? I better go to the subject topic. Right. Scientific Americans got super woke. So let me get to injury. Guys, it's an invisible epidemic. Right. You've been aware of the epidemic of moral injury. It's an invisible epidemic. It's hurting millions of people guys. Moral injury is an invisible epidemic affecting millions. Moral injury results when a person's core principles are violated, such as during wartime or a pandemic and it afflicts millions written by Elizabeth Voboda for Scientific American. So are you suffering from moral injury? You look like you might be suffering from moral injury. It's where your core beliefs are threatened because reality challenges them. I would think that if you suffer from moral injury, the best solution is to reexamine your beliefs. And if you're going to get stuck here, I'm going to get cut off by this surging ocean. Big surf here. Next wave is going to get me. But at least I'll go out live streaming. That's waiting for that big freak wave to carry me away. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the dock of the bay. And I would think if you got moral injury, maybe you should reexamine. So moral injury is way for institutions to push the guilt button, get money out of you. Right. Scientific Americans. This is science, guys. In early 2021, emergency room physician Tori McGowan hoped the worst of the pandemic was behind her. She and her colleagues had adapted to the COVID causing virus, donning layers of protection before seeing each patient, but they'd managed to keep things running smoothly. The central Oregon region where McGowan lived, a high desert plateau ringed by snow capped mountains, had largely escaped the first COVID waves that slammed areas such as New York City. Then the virus's Delta variant hit central Oregon with exponential fury and the delicate balance McGowan had maintained came crashing down. Suddenly, COVID patients were streaming into the ERs in the hospitals where she worked. And she had to tell many patients she was powerless to help them because the few drugs she had didn't work in late stages of the disease. That feels really terrible, McGowan says. That's not what any of us signed up for. It wasn't just COVID patients, McGowan couldn't help. It was also everyone else. People still approach to healthcare emergency with the expectation that they were going to be taking care of right away. But in the midst of the surge, there were no beds. And I don't have a helicopter that can fly between my hospital and the next hospital, she says, because they're all full. A patient with suspected colon cancer showed up bleeding in the ER. And McGowan's inner impulse has screened that she needed to admit the woman immediately for testing. But because there were no beds left, she had to send the patient home instead. Okay, so it sounds very upsetting and trying. Moral injury. I mean, I'm skeptical of these claims of moral injury. Maybe what this woman needs is narrative therapy. The next time you get sick and you're at the doctor's office, why don't you ask for some narrative therapy? That's where you get to reshape your narrative so that you can get healthy. I prescribed Dr. Forty prescribes narrative therapy for sufferers of moral injury. Own standards and watch people suffer and die was hard enough for McGowan. Just as disorienting though, was the sense that more and more patients no longer cared what happened to her or anyone else? Well, if that's really bothering you, then perhaps you need to reexamine your basic beliefs about human nature. That most people are selfish. And most people don't care very much about others. Most people care primarily about themselves and their family. She had assumed she and her patients played by the same basic roles. But that seems like a really stupid assumption. Like why on earth would you have that assumption? And there's no evidence that assumption. Come on now. That she would try her utmost to help them get better and that they would support her or at least treat her humanely. But as the virus extended its reach, those relationships broke down. Unvaccinated COVID patients walked into the exam room maskless against hospital policy. They cursed her out for telling them they had the virus. Okay, so if you're getting all upset because people are following hospital policy, maybe you should reexamine your narratives about people and how they behave. People have their own roles, their own predilections. Like here comes the waves. Here come the waves again. Okay, this could be a big one. Maybe reexamine your understanding of human nature. Maybe human nature isn't basically good. What is this going to do to my cheap Oppo phone? People are basically good. I've heard so many people say, I don't care if I make someone sick and kill them. McGowan says, the ruthlessness simultaneously terrified and enraged her, at least because she had an immunocompromised husband at home. Okay. Hours and hours of continuing education. How do we get out of here? Every patient that I've ever made a mistake on, but that people are so callous with a life when I place so much value on somebody's life. It's a lot to girl injury is a specific trauma that arises when people face situations that deeply violate their conscience or threaten their core values. Those who grapple with it, such as McGowan can struggle with guilt and anger and a consuming sense that they can't forgive themselves or others. The condition affects millions across many roles. In an atmosphere of Russian care, doctors must have a few patients and turn many away. Soldiers kill. Okay. Let's see how I'm doing now. Have to scramble away. Let's see the live chat. Give me all the live chat that I missed. She's arrogant enough to believe she's a good person without circumspection. Yeah. It's just about how you like your husband Cleveland's. I don't know what a Cleveland steamer is and I don't know what snowballing is, but sinners confess. This is because I just listened to this article in Scientific American. I found it interesting to complete assigned missions. Veterinarians must put animals down when no one steps up to adopt them. The trauma is far more widespread and devastating than most people realize. It's really clear to us that it is all over the place, since psychiatrist Wendy Dean, president and co-founder of the non-profit Moral Injury of Healthcare. Well, did you even know there was a non-profit, the Moral Injury of Healthcare? It sounds like people need to get reacquainted with where to where does one end and the other person begin. Like I love the people in the chat, but I understand that they are different individuals. They have their own agency and they have their own concerns and their own values and I'm not responsible for their choices. They sell you the placebo cure of your guilt. Carlisle, Pennsylvania. It's social workers, educators, lawyers. Survey studies in the US report that more than half of K through 12 professionals, including teachers, moderately or strongly agree that they have faced morally injurious situations involving others. Wait, doesn't everyone by these categories, doesn't everyone suffer morally injurious situations where by reality does not conform to your top down models for how reality should work? I just don't see why doctors, healthcare professionals and you know teachers are more vulnerable to this. Aren't we all suffering from moral injury? Similar studies in Europe show that about half of physicians have been exposed to potentially morally injurious events at high levels. Wait, is there anyone who hasn't been exposed to moral injury at high levels? Even these figures may be artificially low given scant public awareness of moral injury. Many people. So I'm here to raise awareness. I suffered that at work today. Moral injury is a true look. You can get voluntary Kevorkian for madness in Canada now. I don't know but there was a big right to die movement here in New South Wales. Yeah, life is one ongoing moral injury. We'll do not yet have the vocabulary to describe what is happening to them. Whatever. So I'm here to provide you guys with a vocabulary so that you can describe what is happening to you. I'm here to empower you and to raise awareness of the great dangers of moral injury. The exact numbers. The mental health effects are fast. In a King's College London meta analysis that surveyed 13 studies. Moral injury predicted higher rates of depression. I am a legend in my own neurotic overthinking mind. Yes I am. Is there anyone who is not? And suicidal impulses. When Covid swept the planet the moral injury crisis became more pressing as ethically wrenching dilemmas became the new normal. Not just for healthcare workers. Ethically wrenching dilemmas like stuff that face people in the daily life. You've got a friend in need and a family member in need and you've got other commitments and you've only got limited time and resources and you can't meet all your commitments. I would think that ethically wrenching dilemmas are pretty common. Not just for healthcare professionals and teachers. But for others in frontline roles store employees had to risk their own safety and that of vulnerable family members to make a living. Lawyer. Wait didn't a whole bunch of people have to risk their safety? I mean if you drive to work aren't you significantly risking your safety every day? But the act of getting in a car and driving to work like the longer you commute the more risk you're at. So the average person one has a 30 minute 40 minute an hour long commute you know each way they're risking their life to go to work. How is that any different? Often cannot meet clients in person making it nearly impossible to represent those clients adequately. Wait, wait, wait. Most lawyers, many lawyers anyway, you know a thrill that they can no longer meet clients in person. And nothing after meeting a client in person doesn't interfere with your ability to represent their interests. Now on what basis would you make such a statement? In such situations no matter how hard you work you're always going to be falling short. Well that's true for everyone no matter how hard you work on yourself or others you're always going to be falling short because we are human our resources are limited, our energy is limited, our time is limited. California Public Defender Jenny Andrews. Although moral entry doesn't yet have its own listing and diagnostic manuals there is a growing consensus that it is a condition that is distinct from depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. That outrageous guy's moral injury isn't in the DSM. What can we do as concerned citizens to get moral injury into the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual? PTSD. This consensus has given rise to treatments that aim to help people resolve long-standing ethical traumas. Maybe the easiest way to withstand these ethical traumas is to accept reality and accept that people have their own values hierarchies that they all make choices different from what you want. These treatments, vital additions to a broad range of trauma therapies, encourage people to face moral conflicts head-on. Yeah, narrative therapy. Dr. Forty prescribes narrative Forty and narrative therapy for people suffering from severe moral injury. They're then blotting them out or explaining them away, and they emphasize the importance of community support and long-term recovery. Hey, this here is a community willing to offer you support for your long-term recovery from moral injury. In some cases, therapy clients even create plans to make amends for harms committed. Even if moral injury research is a young and growing field, scientists and clinicians already agree that a key step toward healing for morally injured people, whether in therapy or not, has to do with grasping the true nature of what they're facing. They're not hopeless, bad seeds, or uniquely irredeemable. They may not fit the criteria for PTSD or another mental illness. Instead, they're suffering from a severe disconnect between the moral principles they live by and the reality of what is happening or has happened. In moral injury, that sense of who you are as a person has been brought into question, Dean says. Wait, why? Why is your sense of who you are brought into question because the world doesn't comport with your models of the world? I'm sorry, I'm just not finding terribly compelling this narrative of moral injury. I think I want to go back to high MS, your Step 2 workshop in Sexopholics, Anonymous, old ideas, new ideas. Right, we tend to suffer from overdose of stimuli where not necessarily evolutionarily adapted to the present moment. And what's that called? Oh, forgetting the name of that neurochemical that you get whenever you eat chocolate cake or do something that immediately feels good. And dopamine nation, so the psychiatrist who wrote dopamine nation says try to stay in a healthy balance. We need to do things that are painful, such as exercise and cold showers and what else did you do? And I'm standing from stimuli as I'm going on dopamine fast. Yeah, dopamine fast. It's not just a free-for-all, you can just come and go and and it is what it doesn't work. So they've done it for the first year, all of a sudden their vacations became important, all of a sudden their image in the community came appointment. All those guys are out of here. Yeah, this is a real talk here. Hi, I'm S, Sexoholics Anonymous on the Daily Reprieve podcast. Love it. I can keep my zipper closed. What am I busy with? We know Jerry's site. Yeah, this guy is not an under-runner. He's married with kids. He sounds like he's successful in business. Now, if you were in my mind for an hour, it wouldn't be scary. I mean, because I'm constantly doing things to fill my mind with positive stuff. So I don't think if you're in my mind for an hour or even for a day, I think it'd be scary. I think if you're walking beside me, I think it'd be scary. Cliff knows for the complete entirety of Luke Ford's thoughts and ideas would be one blank page. Amen, brother. Amen. That's why I have to open myself up to good ideas from other people. She's watching your neighbor when he's checking out his wife. So I heard it said that if people knew what you were thinking, like nobody would be able to maintain even a single friendship. Look, let's be honest. The key to step two, the key for me to success in this fellowship is how I give my will and my life, which is step three, over to this fellowship. So in lots of areas, I'd be better off getting advice from, you know, a guy sitting on a rock by the ocean. Keep down, everybody is masking their own disgust to themselves. Yeah. I think for many of us, our deepest fear is being insignificant. I have another 12 step saying that my mind is a dangerous neighborhood that I don't want to enter alone. So I leave, I leave audio box running all night. So as I go in and out of sleep, I can set up being alone with my thoughts. You know, I'm listening to some audio box. I don't want to spend too much time in my thoughts. And step two is the starting point. My old life is over. If your old life is not over, buddy, you don't got a chance. Yeah. This is a really interesting idea. Whatever your idea of God is, that's how you will become. So my idea of God was strongly influenced by my fairly distant relationship with my father. So I tend to have a distant relationship with God. And I've kind of perpetuated that into my own life. Okay. How long till the ocean comes to get me here? What do I think about the backlash against that school teacher who taught his class about ethnocentrism? So I don't know anything about it. I'm sure there are better and worse ways to talk about ethnocentrism. And depending what sort of class, depending on what sort of pupils, depending on their age, depending on how we did it. But yeah, we all tend to you know, identify with an in-group. Now the in-group can be one of ethnicity, religion, social class or a worldview. So liberalism is an in-group. So I think every traditional way of life strongly condemns masturbation. Like is there any traditional way of life that doesn't? I mean from Christianity to Judaism to Islam, I don't know about Confucianism or Buddhism, but I suspect they're not really pro-masturbation. One thing I heard in recovery and in Judaism is that you can't masturbate and pray. You can't have both masturbation and prayer going on in your life at the same time. Eventually one's going to conquer the other. Eventually your masturbation life is going to conquer your prayer life or your prayer life is going to conquer your masturbation life. I think that's true. I've been no fap since June of 2013. I can't believe in that or I'm going to do it again. You need to convince yourself to an inner, most beating and smash the old ideas. So when I come back from live streaming for an hour or two, my family keeps asking me, well, did you make any money? Oh well, thank you so much. The teacher admitted he is ethnocentric, said what his idea of that is everyone feels their own ethnicity is superior, then he was fired. That's sad, right? There are all sorts of basic truths about life that are not very wise to raise publicly, particularly when you're a teacher of kids. So generally speaking, Jews are the group least likely to want to get, want to have teachers fired for saying things that are politically incorrect. So Jews tend to be the most pro free speech of any group survey. And the one group who a majority does not believe that pornography should be banned. And if I don't, I don't got a chance. I really don't have a chance. So what I do on my sponsors is very simple. It's a great exercise whoever wants to do it is a great, great exercise. This can really help tremendously to get rid of the old ideas. You make a line from top to bottom in the paper. Yeah, that's a good idea when you think you've got better ideas than you used to have. And that's the time to write the old idea and then how you replace it with a new idea. So yeah, so when my family asked me, Oh, you know, you did all this live streaming there. How much money did you make? And it's not about the money. It's about forming relationships with people and exploring ideas. We think more clearly when we think socially. So I'm incentivized to study harder, to think more clearly, to speak more clearly by the idea that, you know, people would come in the chat and shred what I'm saying or supplement what I'm saying or contradict what I'm saying, provide evidence against what I'm saying. So I like the process of thinking more clearly in a group. If you write down your old ideas, I'm home when I want. It's my wife. My old ideas might be. I listen to my sponsor regarding the loss but nothing else. But old ideas might be. So yeah, if you're not where you want to be in life, it's in large part because many of the things you believe are wrong. Just love that insight. You're not where you want to be in life. So I'm a 56-year-old bachelor. Obviously, many of my beliefs about women and love and sex and dating are wrong. I never earned more than six figures in a year. So obviously, many of my ideas about earning and money are wrong. Like if you're failing in an area in life, probably in large part because many of your ideas about that area of life are wrong. So I am S here, talking about replacing the old beliefs with new beliefs. Three meetings a week. The old ideas might be. We'll see the time we want to do. And the question from the chat is someone's making less than a million dollars a year. Are their ideas about money wrong? No. But if you feel like you consistently under-earned, given your abilities and your intelligence, then in all likelihood, many of your ideas about earning and money are wrong. So if it's not a priority to you to earn a million dollars a year and you're not earning a million dollars a year, not a big deal. But if it's frustrating you, if it's killing you, that you're not earning what you deserve. You're not earning enough to fulfill your adult responsibilities. You're not earning enough to create the life that you wish you were living. Then in all likelihood, there are some false beliefs that are operating in your life. No. Money is not the be-all and end-all of life, but it's really important. It's not something that's trivial. It's not number one in life, but it's not number five either. You're going to be a blessing to other people and meet your adult responsibilities. You need to earn a good living. Old me will act out. If these ideas are not, my ideas would have these ideas are ideas that need to be. Beautiful question. So the question is, I keep saying old ideas, very good. I appreciate that much. I keep saying old ideas. Where did these old ideas come from? There was rules given over to me by my teachers, by my parents, by my community, by me. So according to Mechig, you don't have to write old ideas, any ideas that go on in my brain. So almost all of life's problems can be solved with money. Not all, but almost all. So come on, wouldn't you, if you had a daughter, wouldn't you rather all things being equal, that she was married to someone who earned a good living? But if you have a sister, wouldn't you, overall, you'd be prefer that she'd be married to someone who can earn a good living? Money can buy you way out of responsibilities and relationships that matter even more than money. Yeah, I just don't see that happening very often. Like in theory, yes. In theory, you're absolutely right. I just don't see that happening in the real world. Instead, I see people who are poor in the real world tend to make a lot of really bad decisions, tend to be arrogant, tend to suffer from a lack of relationships and lack of human connection, and to have some, you know, debilitating addictions operating. Because he's right. This is the beauty of recovery. If he stood there with that answer, he dismissed everything I just said because of one fleeting thought in his brain. Some of my ideas, what are you blaming it on me? Any ideas. My brain got me here through everything that I was taught on this world. My brain got me to sit in a little cube with another guy next to me. Walla Mass was so in my disease I couldn't even ask him for more from things that are so slippery and disgusting called semen. All right. I think we've all been there. Now we've all been in those, you know, gross booze, stimulating ourselves, and there's another dude who joins us in the booth. And you're simply so sick that you can't ask him to leave and you're slipping and sliding over a, you know, cum stained floor. I mean, I think we've all been there, right? For an hour. So I'm honest. A bitch. Right? Honest and responsible. And I'm just taking care of myself right now. What I do has nothing to do with you. He's practicing self-care. He's nurturing himself. And you didn't give me sex the night before. That's her fault. My ideas are like, ideas like this, like, I'll masturbate in order not to have sex with a prostitute. Those are my ideas. That's what is amazing. All these ideas came, this is the package that I have right now. Of ideas. This is my best thinking. This doesn't keep me sober. In a few days, it was walking around the house. My idea is like, Marrieders girl. How do you marry them? The Guatemalan cleaning lady. That's where my brain go. Why is it going there? I have no idea because I have a damaged brain. I find that so calming and so helpful is to sit down and write everything that I'm thinking about. Just write, write, write it out. I always feel calmer and clearer afterwards. Question that. Should I be putting an end of such a well-wintered ideas? I'm not really going to communicate with my wife how sick I am so I'm going to put on a show and go to prayers and learn because I want to keep her at bay. Bullshit. I don't have sex with her. And if you don't go to school, you don't get laid. He's the cause of my act, honest and open with her. Old ideas, no. It's fascinating. Yeah, I tend to have this distant relationship with God. I could definitely definitely benefit from a closer, closer walk. Just a closer walk with the perceived God, his narcissistic, his ego test. That's another great thing I learned from 12 Step is that you're much more likely to act out if you get hungry, angry, lonely, tired, alt. Get hungry, angry, lonely, tired, alt and deal with that. Right? So I used to think being moral was following rules and principles. And there's been an evolution in my thinking the last few years of the key to being moral is to staying in a good state. Staying away from being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, aggrieved, resentful, and mad, late. Like when I run late, I tend to be much less empathic. So I did some experiment with clergy and training. And they had them go to a hall and say how important it was to be on time. And as they were walking to this hall, they put, you know, some very needy person in their path. And when the clergy felt like they were running late, they would tend to ignore the needy. So when I feel like I'm running late, I tend to have much less empathy, sensitivity, towards other people. I tend to be much more transactional and a matter of fact in my dealings with others. Hey, hey, how are we going to be as a bitch? By the way, just that alone, you can understand why the guy acts out. Just think about, and let's be honest, this is the way I feel, it's the way a lot of us feel. Me to get it right, if I don't get it right, I'm going to do this right. So I'm going to finish up this stuff too with it. So I'm on the walk from Kudji to Bondi, and then I'm heading towards Watson's Bay at the entrance to Sydney Harbor. And then maybe I'll even make it to Rose Bay. So I got miles to go before I sleep. And I'm listening to Hayam from the daily reprieve podcast, just keeping myself emotionally sober, even keoed as I walk along. And then I'll hit my Apple News Plus app, listen to some news stories, these audio stories. This idea. So I asked them, I said, so then who's the devil if this is God? This is the key point he said, if that is God, then I'm the devil. You don't hear Jews talking about the devil very much, right? There's not a Christian type of devil. There's no independent force outside of God in the Jewish perspective. That would be a compromise with monotheism. But you can use the vernacular, you can use the language of the land to try to communicate with people. What a God who is so hating and so confusing and so egotistic and needs things to go his way. That's such a powerful insight. The way I view God is how I become. I mean, it's such an obvious point. But I don't think I've thought about it that way. Sounds like I'm going to make mistakes. This is really, yeah, so I remember it's not going to therapy. I kind of go in there, kind of bouncing off the walls, you know, boasting about my exploits. Then eventually I start to come down. And my therapist said, well, in this state you're in now. I think you'd be good at, you know, connecting with a good woman. But I have to get off that, you know, hyper bouncy, exploitative state. The state my mother caused the he he. Right. I just find everything funny. I have to move beyond that to an Elliot Blatt level of empathy. How do you feel about yourself? What the guy says, if you ask him after you after that, how do you feel? Fuck you. That's the end. Why? Because pride came out. A whole new way of relating to God. I have been religious my whole life. I've been in church and synagogue my whole life. I studied the Bible my whole life. I've read all these dozens of works of systematic theology. My dad used to give me the assignment of reading 40 pages of systematic theology every day and typing one page summary. I've lived a life immersed in religion but wasn't getting it done. Just wasn't effective. I'm still behaving badly. Speaking of behaving badly, I got on the scales this morning I fully clothed 79 kilograms so that's about 171 pounds. I guess without the clothing I'd probably be 168. Really want to be down to 160 pounds by the time I leave Australia. The second column. I've got it it's unconditionally loving. Come to believe the old God doesn't exist anymore. Even older is but it's coming to believe as well primarily in the area of our relationship with God. We'll continue next week with step three. This God created me a sex addict. He wants me to overcome that. Not overcoming. He wants me to be okay with that. He wants me to be okay with it and accepting. Right. Correct? Yeah. Is that belief helping you stay sober or not? That's the question. Is that belief helping you stay sober or not? I mean such a good question. Is that practice? Is that community? Is that friendship? And is that hobby? And is that podcast? Is that YouTube channel? Is that helping you stay sober or not? Such a great bottom line. Just so much common sense in these 12 step programs. Bye bye.