 My brain is not sitting around every day thinking like success or in service of others or, you know, becoming great at something. That is not what my brain is worried about. My brain just wants me to survive. That's it. And so, you know, we all have loss aversion, right? We've heard of it. Like, it's much harder for us to lose anything. We get much more sadness than if we gain something. We feel actually less happiness for that. It's because where we are now is familiar and familiar is fantastic for survival because familiar means safe. What's up, everybody? And welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week, and we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Well, I love those examples because they're relatable to everyone. And this truth one we use this exercise with our clients in X Factor Accelerator is, would that hold up in a court of law? So if you're on the testings, if you're giving testimony, you're on the stand, the witness stand, and you said that in a court of law that you could read people's minds and you knew what they were thinking, you'd be laughed out of the courtroom. So for us, the truth is, would a judge, would a jury actually agree with what it is that you're saying? Because so often as leaders, we are headstrong, we are confident in our thoughts and views, so confident that we will fall into these cognitive biases where we're reading people's minds. It's black and white, there's no gray. And unfortunately, that does not help us. And it doesn't help us serve either. I think it's such a great point. One of the qualities that I didn't realize it would take to actually break through all this, but humility. It's not assuming that I know what everyone else thinks. And I had to face that head on and it was very painful because boy, my ego did not like that because come on, of course you know what everybody thinks. Look how smart you are. But it's actually one of the best ways that I found to bust through imposter syndrome. You know, I was working with this leader who just got a huge promotion in her company. It's a company we all know. She's second in command, huge promotion. And she said to me, she was there for six months, she said, I think they're going to fire me. I think they're just going to figure out that. And I said, all right, let's just, you know, let's go through this. What are the facts? I said, take out a piece of paper, two columns, on one side, facts that support that they're going to fire you. I said, okay, let's go through it. Have you gotten negative feedback? No. Have you gotten a negative review? No. Has someone said something to you directly? No. Okay. What are the facts that counter this idea that you suck at your job? Have you gotten a positive review? Yes. Four. What was the outcome of your 360? Fantastic. Oh, and I got two raises. Oh, and then there was this letter forwarded to the board recommending me for this. And I was like, well, let's look at those two columns. And then I had this moment I said, okay, so here's where humility comes in. You, and you, this is where, you know, calling your bullshit comes in. You either have to believe, I asked her, I said, do you think everyone, like all your leadership, your bosses, are they stupid? She said, no, of course they're not. I really respect them. I said, well, one of two things has to hold true. They are stupid. Therefore, all these positive reviews they're giving you are dumb and all these promotions are dumb or you're actually as good as they think you are. And it was this moment of humility because the imposter syndrome comes from this place where we think we know better than other people. And so humility is a quality that actually helps us to bust through some of those lies that we're telling ourselves. I think a big part of that as well is we're wired for scarcity. And when you're getting a promotion, when you're getting awarded, all of a sudden you're in a place of abundance and your mind can't really wrap its head around it because it's built for survival. It is built to hold on and the fear of loss is far greater than what could be gained. So when you're in a situation of winning and succeeding, it's very easy for your mind to be like, okay, the other shoe is going to drop. Okay, they're going to find out. They're going to catch on. Something is going to put me back in scarcity. I have to be ready for it. It's a really good reminder. And the other part of what you said is so important is like just remembering what the brain cares about. Like that that insight to me when I got it was so powerful. Like my brain is not sitting around every day thinking like success or in service of others or, you know, becoming great at something that is not what my brain is worried about. My brain just wants me to survive. That's it. And so, you know, we all have loss aversion, right? We've heard of it. Like it's much harder for us to lose anything. We get much more sadness than if we gain something, we feel actually less happiness for that. It's because where we are now is familiar and familiar is fantastic for survival because familiar means safe. And so anything new, anything uncertain, it's the worst case scenario for the brain because it doesn't know how to do its job of keeping you safe. And so it'll come up with anything, including self doubt, including imposter syndrome, including all the other things we mentioned, just to keep you in the familiar just because it's safe. And just understanding that, you know, I talk about thriving in my book and like my shorthand for myself is my brain is not here to help me thrive. It's here to help me survive. If I want to do anything beyond that, I have to bust through some of these thoughts. Now, self doubt, unchecked self doubt and especially criticism leads to perfectionism and leads to, in the startup world, never launching, right? Never getting that product out. So what do you say to those in our audience who are struggling with perfectionism that's keeping them from even attempting the side hustle or from asking for that promotion, etc. It's a great question. And just for clarity, hello, I'm Natalie, and I'm a recovering perfectionist. I just want to say that it's not like I got this down, you know, I, you know, I, the my parents love to tell the story that in third grade, I think I would, you know, write in a notebook and in Russia, the grading like I was a math whiz, but if you made like a spelling error in your math notebook, you got points off. So if I made a spelling error, I would rewrite the entire notebook from the beginning, right? You're making the right faces. I just want everyone to know. So I'm a recovering perfectionist. So I feel like I have authority on the subject from doing it wrong. The, you know, most of my life. So a couple of things. And again, let's just start with humility. Most people don't give a crap. This is like the biggest like liberation is just to realize nobody like people aren't sitting out there and going, okay, okay, Natalie, let's see, let's see, let's see how your book launch goes. Are you going to screw it up? Are you going to screw it up? Oh, let me read your book. Let me see. Do I hate this book is it's not, no one does that. Most of the time we're spending time worrying about ourselves. So that to me is just the first thing to recognize is the world is not sitting out there waiting to judge your performance. It's just not, we're all really more self focused. The second thing, and this actually, you know, I'm also an artist. You're, you guys are looking at some of my art behind me. My art's on the cover of my book, which is a huge vulnerable moment for me. I'm coming out as an artist with this book. It's like really scary. What? She's an artist too. Oh my God, she can't paint. She's self taught. What the heck? We drop great content each and every week. And we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. So I read this in a book. It's called of art and fear. I highly recommend it. You don't have to be an artist. I think it's an amazing book for entrepreneurs. And these two authors in it, they write that your job is to work at your craft. So whatever it is, you're designing a product, you're building something, you're an artist, you're a writer, that's your job. Practice, practice, practice, get better. The job of judging the outcome, that's not your job. That is somebody else's job. Do not take their job. And I think that's really powerful. And I have to remind myself of this all the time. And the third thing I'll say, and this for me is what I find the most helpful is we have to shift the focus from I, I, I, I, what if people don't like me? What if people don't like my product? What if people don't like my book? What if people think badly of me, me, me? That's our little egos going me, me, me, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. And we have to shift it outwards. And for me, the best way to do that is to practice the skill I call the bigger why. And that is to connect to why is it, what is my purpose for doing this? And we humans derive our sense of purpose when we connect what we are doing to how it helps others, how it contributes to someone other than us. And so instead of I, I, I, oh my God, what if people don't like my book? What if they judge my book launch? I ask myself, how does this book help someone else? How can this serve someone else who is struggling, who is in trouble? And the moment that you say this, you shift into what's called a pro social mindset, which gives you motivation, which reduces any of that anxiety about performance. And for me, that is the best way that I know how to bust through perfection. With all the technology that we have, everybody's a critic. And, and I, I remember even as of lately, the first TikTok video that we made for the company and the first were the first comment that we got. And it was something about AJ's appearance because of the lighting. And it was enough, it was just enough to, to read that comment and go, what is the point of me even making this stupid video? And again, you have to figure out why are you doing it and who this is going to help. The other part of that is for a lot of people, I always have to remind them that you're being critiqued by people who are afraid to take the risks that you are taking. Like I'm happy to have this discussion about what I've done with somebody else in the arena. But if they're not in the arena, if they're not getting their ass kicked on a daily basis, why the hell am I going to listen to them? And then the other part of that is certainly when it comes to the internet of you don't even know who is making the comment. And you really want to go there because when you do and you pull back that curtain and you see who's doing all the talking, as you mentioned, it's the afraid child who's just there cowering and terrified of life. I love what you just brought up. And I actually think it's such an important point. That's the other filter that we have to remember, right? When people's judgment of us and our work or appearance, whatever, very little to do with us and everything to do with their own experience. It's their brain filter. You know, I had this experience that I want to share. Because it really stung at a moment. It was a couple of years ago, right when the pandemic broke out, I started to do, you know, my speaking career went to zero, right? I used to get on stages. So we were trying to figure out what to do. And I said, all right, I asked this question. I tried to practice what I teach. I was like, how can we help people? You know, it was all kinds of uncertainty. We thought it would last a couple of weeks. Haha. Funny and retrospect. So I started doing this live show, which I still do every Wednesday. Awesome human hour. Everyone's welcome. I do it at noon Eastern and I have guests and I talk about emotional fitness skills. It's now second year, but I started to invite people and interview them. And I, you guys are awesome interviewers. You do this a lot. I am a talker by nature. And I didn't have a lot of experience of interviewing people. I'm experienced and being interviewed. So it was like a couple of shows in and I had someone on. I actually don't remember exactly who we're having this conversation. And you know, you can send comments just to that panelist. So we get the, I get, I see this comment pop up. It says, you probably need to stop talking so much and let the other person talk more. So I cannot tell, I mean, this took me for a spin. I was, I mean, I, you know, I think I spent like 10 hours that day just like everyone, like texting my husband, like, Oh my God, I suck at this. I'm the worst interviewer, you know, my colleague. And the couple of days later, I get an email and it was this person that posted this comment and it was an apology. And the apology was that she realized, I didn't say anything back by the way to the comment, but she said, you know, I've really, it's been hurting me that I did this. She said, I've realized that I have trouble speaking up and you are so strong and you are so strong. And yeah, I was, you know, gently arguing with this person, you know, like we challenging each other. She said, I realized that that was so uncomfortable for me because it's not something I can do, that I took it out on you by judging how much you were talking. And I just share this because it was a gift. It was a gift for me to see that. It doesn't mean I wasn't talking too much. By the way, that's a whole separate thing. Sometimes I really do go on and then I say to the guests, I'm like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like I just try to own it. But just in what we're talking about, her comment and criticism had much more, everything to do with her than it did to me. And it was a gift for me to actually witness that. So I think it's a really important reminder of what you brought up is we just have to, again, that's why I go to that common in art and fear book. Like it's just not our job because we don't know that those people, they have so much of their own struggle going on or their own challenges or their own life experiences. Just focus on what we're doing and why, like how does this actually help someone else? It really breaks through all of that chatter.