 Now listen to Father Knows Best transcribed starring Robert Young as father, Springfield, and another half-hour visit with the folks in the White Frame House on Maple Street. Sit back and enjoy life with the Andersons, Kathy, Bud, Betty, Margaret, and Jim, as the head of this typical American household again sets out to prove that Father Knows Best. Due to either purely biological accident or to some higher pre-arranged plan, some children are boys and some are girls. The results of this plan are not always universally satisfactory to the young specimens involved, such as is currently the case with the smallest member of the family occupying the White Frame House on Maple Street, one Kathy Anderson. Life as a girl, she feels, is much too limited, and to prove it, she can cite innumerable incidents such as, well, for example, the incident that occurred while Kathy was playing on the back porch early one afternoon. Like this. Going out here, you're shaking the whole house. Kathy, stop this awful racket. Kathy! It's Detroit. Well, I can't stand the noise. Build it someplace else. I've nailed to the porch, and I can't get it loose. How do you expect to get to Detroit if your car is nailed to the porch? Oh, I'm not going in this. I'm just building this to enter the soapbox derby. Kathy, the soapbox derby is for boys, not girls. Oh, gosh, that's all I hear, for boys. Everything's for boys. Oh, now, Kathy, girls can do just as many things as boys. Can girls join the YMCA? Well, no. There, you see? Yes, but boys can't join the YWCA, and girls can. Who wants to join it if there's no boys in it? Well, I'm not going to stand out here arguing with you all day. I want you to come in and get cleaned up because you and Betty and I are going to have our pictures taken this afternoon. Me too? I'm going to be in it? Yeah. Won't that be fun? Nah. Well, you're going to have to be in it whether you like it or not. Come on. I've laid out that little blue organ you dressed for you to wear. Mother, what time will that photographer be here? Oh, around 3.30, I think. Will I have time to run down to the beauty shop for just a quick set? Heavens, no. I don't want to come out in the paper looking utterly itchy. In the paper? Are we going to be in the paper? Right in the middle of the women's page. Women's page. Well, what's the matter with you, sourpuss? She's unhappy because she's a girl. Now you get upstairs and get in that tub. Oh, all right. Margaret, I'm home. I'll just have to try to do something with this fright-wig of mine. Margaret, I have a wonderful idea. Oh, hello, Princess. Hello, Mother. How do you think I'd look with a poodle cut? Well, now, personally, I think a poodle cut is very attractive, especially around the ankles. Oh. Jim, why are you home in the middle of the afternoon? Is anything wrong at the office? No, no. I just got everything cleaned up early, and I have a real wonderful idea. Oh, what is it? Well, actually, I'm doing this for Bud. I thought he'd get a big kick out of it, and it would be good for him, too. Well, what is it? Margaret, look at the calendar. The calendar? Tomorrow morning is the opening of trout season, and I'm going to take Bud on a little fishing trip. Well, I think that's a splendid idea. You do? Well, yes. Well, I better break the news to Bud. Is he home? Yes, I think he's in the den lying down. Lying down? Is anything wrong? Well, I asked him to clean out the garage, and he suddenly got a very strange pain in his head. So he's lying there with an ice bag on his chest. His chest? I thought the pain was in his head. Well, he evidently found it was too hard to read comic books with that ice bag half over his eyes, so he switched the pain to his chest. Very convenient. Well, I think I can cure that all right. He's in the den, you say? He was the last I saw, then. Fishy fishy in the brook. Bud, are you in here? Huh? Oh, Dad. You home? No, I'm guiding a group of Des Moines schoolteams. Oh, I mean, it's so early. Well, I came home to see how you're coming with cleaning up the garage. Oh, I wanted to do it, but gosh, this pain... Yes, I heard about that. It's a shame, too, because I'd plan to take you fishing up at Lake Winamantuka. What? You know, don't sit up. You're losing your ice bag. Lie down. Oh, but, Dad, I think I feel better. Well, we don't want to take a chance. Oh, the pain's gone, Dad. That's funny. It was here a minute ago. Well, it comes and goes. Mostly goes. I see. What time do we leave? Well, I figured that if we leave about five, that'll get us up to Winamantuka in time to get a good night's sleep. Then we can shake out good and early and hit that old lake right at the crack of dawn. The steam rising off the lake, the water calm, with just enough ripple to it. Oh, aren't we gonna eat breakfast? Breakfast? Oh, sure. We'll take a lot of grub along. Well, am I really going, Dad? Son, you're as good as there. Oh, boy, I gotta call Joe. I better start getting our gear together. It's probably strung out all over the house. Have you seen that glass rod the office gave me for Christmas? Well, last time I saw... Hello, Joe. Bud. Hey, guess where I'm going? Might be in my closet. Fishing up at Lake Winamantuka. Winamantuka. Widamakuku. Wait a minute, Joe. Dad, can't we go to some lake I can pronounce? No, I've already rented a cabin up there. Get through with your call, because I'll need you for a few things. Joe, I gotta hang up and get ready. Tonight at five. Yeah? Well, we don't care. We're tough. Yeah, so long. Joe says we'll freeze to death up there. Well, it'll be cold all right. We've got to take warm clothes along. I got that cheap skin jacket on my long underwear. I'll go up and get dressed. Well, wait, Bud. Don't do it yet. We aren't leaving till five. I'll be down and help you load the car as soon as I get dressed. Bud? Oh, well. Margaret. Yes, Jim? Where did you hide all my fishing tackle during the last house cleaning operation? I imagine it's all down the basement where you left it. Have you looked there? Not yet. I figured that would be the one place where it couldn't possibly be. Well, I haven't touched a thing. Mommy! Fishy fishy in the brook. Daddy catch him with a hook. Mommy! Oh, no. You look very sweet in that dress, Kathy. You look just like my little girl again. I look like a sissy. That's what I look like. What's Bud doing? Bud? He's up in his room throwing clothes out of his closet and hollering and whooping like a crazy Indian. Oh, well, I guess he's getting... Margaret, I wish you'd stopped stacking your canned peaches on top of my tackle boxes. I'm sorry, dear. Especially when they leak. What's Daddy doing in the basement? Oh, he's getting ready to go fishing. Fishing? Wait a minute. Is Bud going? Yes, he is. I want to go too. Kathy, you can't go. Fishing is for men and boys. Oh, doggone, doggone, doggone, doggone. Your feet. Margaret, wear some old rags and some kerosene. One of my tackle boxes is sealed shut with peach juice. Doggone, doggone. What in the world is that? It's Kathy. She's mad. She wants to be a boy. Well, that's perfectly normal. Everyone aspires to the finer things. Finer things? Sighted. From now on, I'm going to be a boy. That's a good idea. Well, now don't encourage her. Why not? I'm in favor of it. I've always wanted another boy. Well, you got one now. Good. Now that you've switched over, what's the first thing you're going to do, Kathy? Kathy, I asked you a question. Not me, you didn't. There's nobody around here by that name. Oh? My name's Sam. Oh, I see. Well, how's everything going, Sam? Oh, pretty good. That's a very pretty dress you're wearing, Sam. Oh, golly, I forgot I had it on. You leave that dress on, too. Don't you take it off? Sam. Maybe you don't know that I've spent the last two weeks fighting this boy obsession, and now you encourage it. Well, that's your whole trouble, Margaret. You shouldn't fight it. You want me to let her run wild? Pretty soon she'll want to start shaving. All you have to do is just go along with it. As soon as she sees there's no opposition, she'll get tired of the idea and drop it. Now, I doubt that. Not, Kathy. I never would have gotten her into that dress if the photographer hadn't been coming this afternoon. Photographer? What photographer? I told you about it at breakfast. I'm being inaugurated as the new president of our PTA tomorrow. Oh, yes, I remember now. But what about the... Well, they want a picture of me for the paper. A picture of me and the girls. Oh, yes. Well, that's fine. I couldn't have chosen three prettier girls. Dad! Kevin, what's he got on? I'm ready, Dad. Let's start loading. But I've told you time and again not to wear those hobnailed boots in the house. You'll scratch up the floors. We're going fishing, Mom. But not to the North Pole. You better get some of those clothes off. Aren't we going? Sure, but not for a few hours yet. Oh, say, I just happened to think of something. You'll be taking the car, won't you? Well, it's about 160 miles up there to be a fairly brisk walk. Oh, dear. What's the matter now? Well, I promised I'd pick up Mrs. Davis, Mrs. Leggett, and Mrs. Phillips on the way to that inauguration tomorrow. Oh. None of them will have a car. Hmm. But you go ahead and take it. We'll find a way to get there somehow. No, you take it. We don't have to go. No, no, I want you to go. It'll be good for you. We'll manage. I don't know how, but we'll manage. No, I don't want to inconvenience you. After all, it's your inauguration. Better get your fishing clothes off, bud. Holy cow. No, Jim. I insist that you go. We can get there very easily. We can, well, we can take the bus. Just have to transfer twice is all. Well, I don't know. But watch out where you're tossing those boots. You nearly got me. Now you go right ahead with your plan. Should I put my boots back on, dad? Well... Certainly. Now don't worry about us. We'll make out somehow. Mother. Even if we have to walk. So chill out, Jim. Mother, I can't make my hair look halfway decent. I feel like Alice the Goon. Really, Betty, it looks very nice. Doesn't it, Jim? Huh? Oh, yes, yes, sure. Wonderful. That reminds me, I was looking for some rags. Go find yourself. Well, I'll perish before I'll be photographed like this. I'll simply perish. Go ahead and perish and quit yakking about it. My gosh, bud, what are you made up for? We're going fishing. Oh, really? When? Tonight, five o'clock. Going to Lake Whitmer, going to some lake. Tonight? In the car? Well, that was the original idiotic plan. But, Father, you promised that Ralph and I could have the car tonight. I did? It was your own idea. But... I know, take off my boots. Yeah. Holy cow. Gee, Father, I hate to have you miss out on your fishing trip. No, if I made a promise, I'll stick to it. Oh, I'm sure we can arrange something else. Even if we have to go on the bus. I know, and transfer twice. No, you go ahead as you planned. I'd rather stay home and clean out the furnace. No, I insist you go, Father. I'll go call Ralph. He'll figure something out. Dad? Yeah? Is it safe to put my boots on? I guess so. I wouldn't lace them all the way up, though. Here, Jim, will these rags do? What? Oh, yes. Yes, those are fine. Okay, boys, let's get going. Kathy, what have you got on? Hey, those are my old clothes. My cap, too. Get them off, Kathy. I said get them off, Kathy. Daddy, will you please tell him there's nobody here by that name? Oh, that's right. But I guess you haven't met Sam here. Sam? Kathy, or Sam, or whoever you are. You march upstairs and put that dress back on. Mommy, I can't go fishing in a dress. Fishing? Is she going? Of course I'm going. Mommy said fishing was for boys, and Daddy said I was a boy. So now I can go fishing. Uh-oh. Dad, did you say that? Well, yes, but now listen, Sam. I'm going. No, you're not. You get those clothes off this minute. Yeah, give me my cap. Let go. You give that back. Oh, my stars. Look, her hair. She chopped it off. Oh, a boy can't have long curls. Oh, my heavens. Now, now, Margaret, take it easy. It'll grow out again. But the photographer will be here any minute now. Oh, that's right. The newest photographer. Oh, I can just see the caption under our picture. New PTA president, Mrs. Margaret Anderson, and her two lovely daughters, Betty and Sam. The Andersons will be back in a moment. If the driver in the car in front of you should suddenly jam on his brakes, could you stop in time to save a life? We'll try your brakes to discover just how slick the road surface may be and adjust your speed to the driving conditions. Check on your driving habits. Keep your windshields clear of fog. Be certain your headlights and wipers are in working condition. Safe driving habits can save a life, possibly your own. Well, up to now, the Andersons of 607 Maple Street have been just another average well-ordered family. But they're not average anymore. No, sir. They're the only family in Springfield with a nine-year-old daughter named Sam. This altered state of affairs seems to be placing considerable strain on life in the White Frame house. Like this. Are we going fishing, Dad? Yeah, are we, Daddy? Feed it, shrimp. The name is Sam. Feed it, Sam shrimp. I'm going fishing with you, aren't I, Daddy? Well, Kathy, I mean Sam. Jim, what are we going to do with her hair? It's not her hair. It's his. Who's mine? No, mine. My hair isn't hers. It's his. Oh, for heaven's sake. Jim, you're responsible for this. You tell Sam to go up to her room and do something with his hair. Well, for? Because the photographer's coming. That's what for. I've had enough of this foolishness. Now, March, upstairs. Gee whiz. You said fishing trips were for boys, and Daddy said I... You're going to stay here and have your picture taken. Are we going fishing, Dad? Well, bud... If you're going to go, Jim, why don't you go? Why don't we? Well, Margaret, if it's going to upset everybody... It's not upsetting anybody. We'll all manage. I'm going fishing. You and bud go right ahead. You need to get away. I have to go up and take care of Kathy. You'll get your things together, Jim. Are we going, Dad? Yes, we're going. Women seem to have a way of making problems out of a trip like this when there are really no problems at all. We'll just gather our stuff together and... May I use the phone here in the Dan father? Yes, Princess. Bud, for Pete's sake, why are you wearing all those clothes in the house? We're going fishing. The guy's got to be ready. You don't have to worry about the car, Father. I'm going to call Ralph. His car had a flat tire, but if he can fix it, then we can go in here. Well, that's good. I certainly wouldn't want you to stay home from your fishing trip just because of me. Well, thank you, Princess. You go right ahead. Oh, you didn't either. Well, the tackle box is all set, Bud. We're practically on our way. Hand me those sinkers off the floor. I can't bend over. Oh, Ralph, my father has to go on a fishing trip and I can't have the car tonight. I didn't say you couldn't have the car. Take it easy, Dad. I got my boots laced up. Do you think you could fix the tire on your car, Ralph? Oh, that's a wonderful idea. Don't worry, Father. We've solved everything you can go. Well, thank goodness. Ralph is going to borrow Harry's car, but Harry's car has a flat tire, too. What? So Ralph is going to take a tire off his car and put it on Harry. Well, Betty, if you have to go to all that trouble... Holy cow. No, Ralph doesn't mind. It's all right. Well, Harry's going to borrow a battery from Eddie. Battery? Well, when Harry got the flat tire and couldn't use his car till he got his next allowance to buy another tire, he loaned his battery to Jack, so Jack could go to Mapleton. And now Jack isn't back from Mapleton, so Eddie's going over in his hot rod to pick up the battery from Ralph to put it in Harry's car so Harry can drive it over to Ralph's. You see, it's no trouble at all. I can see that. Are you still there, Ralph? It's all set. See you tonight. Bye. Look, if you kids have to go to all that trouble... It's no trouble, Father. Let them. They need the exercise. All right, Princess. Come on, bud. Let's start loading the car. Where are all your things? I'm wearing them. I don't understand it. A fella goes fishing once a year. You wouldn't think it would create such complete chaos. Are we going? You bet. We'll have everything in the car. Father! What is it, Betty? She's in the broom closet. Why get her out? Margaret? Jim, you'll have to do something with Kathy. She's here in the closet. She's locked the door. The photographer will be here in a few minutes. All right, honey. You certainly picked the day of all days to tell her she could be a boy. Just leave it to me, Margaret. I don't know the things that happen to a father. Kathy. Open the door, Kathy. Kathy. Sam. What do you want? Open the door, Sam. Betty. The phone. I want to talk to you, Kathy. Sam. I'm fishing, and I don't want my picture taken. How does it look, Dan? Bud, we're going. I said we were. Open the door, Sam. For the PTA meeting tomorrow. Tell her we'll have to take the bus. I won't have the car. Sam. Are you going to meet her at the bus or should she come over here? Tell her I'll meet her at her house. Dad. Open the door, Dad. I only want to talk to you. Dad. What is it, Bud? Are we going to fish with worms? Philip says you can meet at her house and... Well, what's everybody standing around for? We're waiting for the bus. Now, please run along, everybody. I'll see that everything is taken care of. Margaret, I'll have Hexmith drive you to the PTA meeting. But, Jim... Please, honey, I'll talk to Kathy. I guarantee she'll have her picture taken. I'll get her out of this Sam idea. Just let me handle things my way. All right. If you say so. Come on, Betty. Now, Sam, let Daddy in. You can come in, but nobody else. Come on in. Thank you. A little crowded in here with these brooms, Sam. Why don't we go in the den? I'm going to stay right here until you let me go fishing. Now, look, Angel. I don't want you to be a boy. You're a natural-born girl. I'm not either. Yes, you are. You want Daddy to love you, don't you? Yes. Well, that's what I want you to be, a sweet, pretty little girl. You're just saying that. You're giving me a sales talk. No, I'm not kidding. This is just between you and me. How are you doing, Dad? Got a convince yet? But go away from the door. Now, please, Angel, do this for Daddy. Go get cleaned up all pretty, so I'll be proud of you. Well... Just think. You'll see your picture in the paper. All the other girls at school will see it. Yeah. Okay, Daddy. I'll get cleaned up. That's my girl. Now, come on, kitten. I'll bet old Bud's waiting right outside the door. No, he's gone. Don't worry about Bud. Ow! He hit me right in the nose with the doorknob. I told you, Daddy. Bud, were you listening at the keyhole? Who, me? Oh, no. I was just looking at the knob. It's got a screw loose. Big fibber. Never mind. Come on, kitten. Margaret! Margaret! Jim, did you... Yes, honey, we have our little girl back again. Thank heavens. Daddy, what time are you and Bud leaving? Not till this evening, Angel. We're going to stay and see how nice you look for the pictures. Gee, thanks, Daddy. You're the best, Daddy. I'm going... Fine, dear. Jim, how in the world did you do it? Oh, it's just a matter of using a little tact. A little understanding. How about it, Dad? We're all set, Bud. Start loading the gear. How are we leaving now? No, we're going to wait until the pictures are taken. Holy cow. Something will happen. I know it. But nothing's going to happen. Kathy's staying here. But where are you going? I'm not taking any chances. I'm going to sit in the car. The Andersons will be right back. Traffic accidents and death rates are still extremely high. Although improved conditions have brought about a 38% reduction in the overall accident toll, more than 30,000 people will lose their lives in traffic accidents this year. Be careful. Accidents don't always happen to the other fellow. Well, the population of the White Frame House on Maple Street has taken a drop. Out on the highway, heading for the lake, and their hard-won fishing trip are Jim and Bud enjoying at last a man's world. Oh, this is good. No women. Well, we fellas have to get away once in a while. Sometimes we have to be pretty shrewd to carry it off. How'd you get Kathy to stay home? Oh, it isn't hard to work around the feminine mind if you know how to do it. I guess you're pretty sharp at that stuff. Just experience, Bud. That's all. I know quite a little about women. By the way, reach in the back seat and get those road maps, will you, Bud? Okay. Holy cow! Look what's hiding under the blankets. Hiya, fellas. I'm Robert Young as Jim Anderson. The forecast for Gene Vanderpile as Margaret, Norma Jean Nielsen, Rhoda Williams, Ted Donaldson, and Bill Farmer. Don Stanley speaking. Mother Knows Best, directed by Andrew C. Love, is transcribed in Hollywood, and written by Paul West and Roswell Rogers. Three times mean good times on NBC. There's more great entertainment for you on NBC on Fridays, too. Tomorrow you'll hear that zany pair of comics, Bob and Ray, also the Mario Lanza show and the Roy Rogers show. Be sure to hear Bob and Ray, Mario Lanza, and Roy Rogers all on the NBC Radio Network. Now it's Nightbeat with Frank Lovejoy on NBC.