 How to be a weight weenie. Step one, weigh everything. Now this one should be obvious. As a weight weenie or someone who's obsessed with how light their bike is, you need to know the weight of every part on your bike and put it into an interactive spreadsheet. This will include everything from your frame, your wheels, your handlebars, your skewers, et cetera. All of which need to be made out of carbon fiber. I always follow this simple rule. When in doubt, spend your entire paycheck on carbon. Frame, carbon, handlebars, carbon. Saddle, carbon with no padding. Chain rings, carbon, brake rotors, carbon. Hip replacement after not being able to stop with carbon brake rotors. Oh, carbon. But there are some less obvious sources of weight that you're gonna need to obsess over if you wanna be a true weight weenie. This could include things like chain lube and grease. Before lubing your chain, squirt the amount that you are gonna apply to your chain onto the scale. And then you'll soon realize that you are about to add 0.5 to 0.6 grams onto your bike. You're going to need to cut that down. I'm sure that the frictional losses from not running chain lube are less than the weight advantage that you just gave yourself. Another good source of weight savings is your kit. In particular, your chamois. Yeah, a nicely padded chamois might feel nice if you're soft and have a delicate underside, but you could easily be adding four to six grams. Be sure to choose a chamois with minimal padding. This combined with your bare carbon saddle will create tons of chafing, but don't worry because less skin in your nether region also means less weight. Step two, impress people with your knowledge of how much bike parts weigh. So tell me more about yourself. Well, I have an 11 pound road bike. Now I know you're thinking, how did this guy get his road bike down to 11 pounds? Well, I started with a 750 gram frame and then I got a pair of 1100 gram wheels and then the next thing I did was then I found a 120 gram seat post on eBay for just $400. But after I was done drilling that thing out, I got it down to 118 grams. And then that combined with my 100 gram bare carbon saddle and 18 gram. Step three, make large bike related purchases and justify them because they weigh less. Geez, $1,500 for this integrated bar and stem combo? What's the weight though? 270 grams? Okay, so my current stem weighs 130 grams and my bars weigh 140 grams and then add in the five grams for the bolts. And that's 275 grams. That's a five gram savings right there. Where's my credit card at? Step four, swap out parts that will make your bike more comfortable or handle better with ones that weigh less. For example, a dropper seat post might allow me to ride downhill faster, but it weighs like 300 grams more, which honestly makes me cringe just to think about. And plus, if I put a dropper seat post on my bike, people might mistake me for one of those Enduro riders. Weight weenies can be found walking their carbon hardtails over the technical sections, complaining that disc brakes are ruining road cycling or losing bottles when they ride over a speed bump from their eight gram bottle cages that are fashioned out of two loose strands of carbon fiber. That last one I made up actually, weight weenies don't carry water, obviously, which is a perfect segue into our next step. Step five, don't carry excess weight. This includes things like enough water, a multi-tool, a pump or a CO2. Chances are your riding buddies will already have this stuff, so make them carry it and don't weigh yourself down. When you inevitably flap because you're running tires so light that the sidewalls might as well be made out of newspaper, just say, ah, shoot, guys, I think I forgot my tube at home. Anybody got an extra one? Dude, seriously, again? So then I found a full titanium chain and carbon chain rings that weigh just 30 grams. Those are bolted onto a 400 gram crank set. Step six, modify your bike. The most common way to do this as a weight weenie is to get yourself a drill and then just start drilling away at thousands of dollars worth of carbon. You didn't get a degree in engineering nor did you help engineer those handlebars, but you don't need that to know that you can save two to three grams by taking some sandpaper to the clamping surface. Those hospital bills when the bar inevitably fails will be well worth it for that Strava KOM. And every single bolt in my bike is titanium. I don't have a torque wrench, so I usually end up stripping the bolts, but it's well worth the weight saving. Step seven, being a weight weenie doesn't apply to your body weight. This is counterintuitive. You'd think with how obsessed weight weenies are about getting their bike light that they'd also want to lose a few pounds from their gut. This is not the case. Weight weenies can often be seen stressing their bike to the absolute limit not because of how hard they're riding but because they're 30 pounds over the bike's weight limit. You see, having a frame that's 150 grams lighter than your old one will make up for the fact that you're 20 pounds over your race weight. There's no need to put down the cookies just buy a lighter pair of cranks. As it turns out, carrying a lighter wallet will also make you faster. So I've got these carbon fiber brake rotors. Now, most people run six bolts and maybe, cool bike and all, but I think I was my oven on. But don't you want to hear about how many brake rotor bolts I run?