 For example, I have a co-worker. I'm not gonna call her name cause, yeah. She came and was like, you know, I have this guy I'm talking to and he's, you know, responsive, he communicates, we go out, you know, he tells me where he wants, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she's like, you know, I am about six type of thing. She was like, I have an 80, 20 type of thing. Then she says she has this one other guy who has porn star dick. That's what she called. That's what she calls him. But that's all he got. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Cause I just wanna build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I wanna keep it real with you. I wanna live better, eat better. I wanna love better, sleep better. Yeah, I wanna feel so aligned. It's a good thing I started saying some good shit. What separates the dude that you're in his comment section, you're in his DM, you're texting him and hitting him up and stuff, versus the dude saved you a phone as Pizza Hut. Cause he take, he get you pizzas whenever you want. No, never that. Everybody, disclaimer, everybody's in my phone as their first and last name. I don't have anybody by my side. But as far as the dude who like, you know, you wait to respond to his texts, you know what I'm saying? You might see the shit, forget. What separates those two kind of guys? But see, that's when you miss when I said, nobody's in my phone is like that. If you have my phone number, that means I talk to you, I text you. I may not respond right then and there cause I may be doing something, but that's anybody across the board. Mom, friends, whatever, I'm gonna respond. So there's no dude in your phone right now who's waiting on you to act right? No, Scout's Honor. No. Why? Cause I mean, I'm- So everybody in your phone has an equal shot, is what you saying? They do. Like I feel like whoever step up, if you step up and say, hey, you know, I, the thing is I can say all day, like he may say, okay, I'm ready for you to stop playing. Okay, you ready for me to stop playing, but are you really ready? Because I tell people, you don't like me. You like the idea of being with me. Tell me what to explain after the people in the back. For the people in the back. So people see you on social media, they think, oh my God, she's so fine, or she's funny, or she does this, she travels, she's X, Y, and Z. But that's what we put on social media. Like me being very transparent, I still have my issues, you know, I still have days when I don't wanna be bothered. I still have days where I can be a bitch, you know, stuff like that. So that's why I tell people, when you say you wanna be with me, do you wanna be with the whole me? Not the me that you see on social media, not the me that you may see out on dates and stuff like that. It's just, like I said, you like me, but you like the idea of me, but do you really wanna be with me? So similarly, you like the idea of lucky day. Yeah, I like them. The idea of them. Yeah, but I'm sure he has his issues, but that's the thing. If that's something that I'm gonna pursue, I have to have that mindset, do I wanna deal with that, or do I not wanna deal with that? If I choose to deal with that, after what somebody has put on the table, if he told me he's a pothead, he snork coke, he does X, Y, and Z, whatever, I have the choice. Am I gonna continue or not? That's not what I wanna deal with. So it's the same thing, like that's why I say, people like the idea. So I can tell them, hey, I got issues, I have X, Y, and Z, I'm, you know, I just have days when this, I have days when I have that. If you can accept that all of me, that too, and you deal with it, then I know it's just not an idea. It's a real thing. Is there, in your opinion, do you feel like it's one reason or a few reasons you could think of why black men and black women are missing each other right now, not getting along or not getting in partnerships or not, why it's not working? Why is this functional? Do you have any idea or any theories about that? I would say translation, things not being, when people are not getting along, it's like speaking a foreign language. Like, you're talking this and you're talking that. And by both of you doing that, you're not understanding what each person is saying. So the best way to get that, what you need to get to is be like, okay, we need to get one language, we need to speak that one language, and that's what we need to do to understand each other. I feel like the man has so much to say, and the female has so much to say, or the male has his views on this, and the woman has her views on this, and instead of them compromising and trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, they're like, well, this don't fit so we, it ain't gonna work, I think that's the issue. Both sides want to be heard, but nobody is willing to be like, all right, what's your side? And then my thing is now I've learned to, if somebody is talking to me and they're explaining something to me, regardless of his work related, friendship related or relationship related, when they're saying something to me that really needs to be taken in, I'll repeat back what they said, just so they know for one, I heard what they said, but then for two, it won't be no issues of what, well, when we were talking, I said back to you this, that, and the third, and you said that was right. So now here we are two weeks later, and you're saying that's not what you said, but it was. I think that's part of the issue too. Could you pinpoint anything that the Black female delegation is doing wrong or getting wrong when we, or when they approach or confront partnership with Black men? I want to make sure I'm answering is right. Thank you Tom. I would say maybe when they're coming, it's more them telling somebody something versus asking if that makes sense. Say more. Like, my mom used to always tell me when I was growing up, I'm like, I need such and such and such and such. And she's like, are you asking me or are you telling me? That's what you need. And I'd be like, bro, don't do this. But then as I got older, I had to understand. When you asking someone to do something that's like a grudge upon both of them, but when you're telling somebody to do something, you're not even allowing them the chance to say, but why? Or what, like, why do I have to do this? And I think that could be an issue. Women, including myself, because I'm guilty of doing this too. Telling somebody, oh, I want you to do this. I want you to do that. You need to be like this. You need to be like that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Versus saying, hey, are you comfortable with doing this? Are you comfortable with X, Y, and Z? That can be totally an issue. We don't see it, but if you were at work and your boss say, I need you to be at work tomorrow at nine o'clock, whoa, wait a minute. Are you asking me to be at work tomorrow at nine o'clock? Are you telling me? Because if you're telling me, then you don't know what I have to do prior to getting to work at nine o'clock. Or what meeting I may have set up at nine o'clock, because you're just telling me, but if you say, hey, I need you to be at this place, or whatever, at nine o'clock, then I can say, oh, I can't, but I'm gonna be late, or I can't because whatever the case may be. Does that make sense? Yeah, why do you think our women have gotten to that point? Can't speak for all of them, but I think we have that mindset of move I do it myself. Like, so it's like I have to tell you what to do. And I mean, I've been around men that be like, yeah, my wife have to tell me to take out the garbage and stuff like that. But in my mind, I'm like, why should somebody have to tell you to do that if you see it going like that? So I think that's why women have gotten to that point where they're more comfortable just saying, you need to do this, you need to do that, even though we still should give people that chance, I think that's why. It's just more of a repeating, and one thing a black woman hate to do is repeat herself over and over and over and over again about the same shit. So maybe they feel like if I just tell you to do it, instead of ask you, because now that I've asked you and you still ain't doing that, I got to tell you. But I still feel like you should give somebody that chance to do that. And I agree with you. And that's why for me, I'm really critical about black men because I think, unfortunately, in my opinion, an uncomfortable number of men who are seeking direction from women, right? And in that situation, a woman can't respect you because she feels like if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't know where to go. You wouldn't know you're up from your down, you're left from your right. So a man must first establish his own direction, his own path, and then have the woman come help him along that path. But unfortunately for some of the men who have, who've done the work, you know what I'm saying? Gotting themselves together, have a standard of living and operation and all that. They still get that same, you don't know what the hell you're doing. Move, I'll do it myself. Yeah, yeah, they still get that. Even though like, yeah, my life was good put together before you got here. Why do you think that is? I don't know. That's something that I could say. I don't know, like some people have the thing of saying, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here. Or if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have this. That could be it. But like you said with men, you know, saying that they already established whatever and the person comes on. That's why I tell people, like when I'm dating them, I don't need you to complete me because I'm already complete. I just need you to compliment me. But if it's something that I'm doing that you feel like could be better in a sense of not trying to change me, man or woman, but hey, you're trying to get to this. I can show you how to get to that quicker than the way that you're doing it. I think that would be a better approach versus somebody just being playing out, like, you don't know what you're doing. You always fucking shit up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I think men would, men and women, but mostly men would take that on if a woman just allows him to do what he needs to do. Like, it's just like anybody. If you can do something, you make the mistake the one time, it's okay if you ask, hey, I need help. All right, I got you. And I think that's what needs to happen sometimes versus just stepping up and just trying to take over, allow that person to figure it out on their own. And then if they do come and ask you for help, then you help. But when you do ask, I always feel like you shouldn't put somebody down where you should ask me in the first place. If you'd asked me in the first place, you wouldn't be here asking me. I mean, you gotta learn. Like, just like telling a child, don't put your hand on that stone. See what happened when you put your hand on that stone? Because if you tell them, what are they gonna do? They're gonna wanna try to feel why she telling me not to put my hand on the stone. Then they find out, okay, that's why I shouldn't do that. So, a big part of this series, I'm trying to bridge the gap of understanding, right? Black men don't understand why y'all do certain things. Y'all don't understand why we do certain things. What are some of the things that you're curious about, that you're unsure about, that you're still like, that makes no sense to me? With regards to men, black men in particular. Like I said, I'm a big communicator. Big on time, I'm always either ahead of time when I gotta do something. I think there's one thing that like, I be wondering about me and sometimes, like, why you can't be on time, bro? Like, why you can't communicate? Like me, if I'm talking to somebody and I have to, and I say, hey, I'm gonna call you when I get out of work. If I get out of work every day at five o'clock, he knows I get out of work at five o'clock. He's expecting my phone call at five o'clock. But if something happens, something comes up, regardless if God forbid it been red, or I'm working late, or my mom calls, or somebody else call, I'm the type of person I'm gonna send a message and say, hey, I'm gonna call you as soon as I finish doing X, Y, and Z. Or, hey, I'm gonna be late, whatever the case may be. Men don't think like that. Like, they'll just not say anything the whole time. And then two, three hours later, my bad, I got called up on something. I'm like, man, I thought somebody kidnapped you out here or something like that. Like, that's mostly one of the things that irritates me. I'm trying to think what it was. Let me ask you this, which man? Huh? Which man? Which man? Which man? Which man? Yeah. What caliber of man are we talking about? I mean, it's been different calibers. Like, it's something there. I don't know. So you're saying men from, you know, my fuckers we make minimum wage and they got a GED to people who are corporate, well put together, educated men all have an issue of time? Yeah, not time. When I mean time, they may make it to work on time. They may do that on time. That's out. I'm talking about when it comes to time with the person that you're dealing with, phone calls, text messages, showing up on dates on time. Like, it's stuff like that. Like, yeah, I want you to be at work on time. Please be at work on time because, you know, that's out of my control. But my thing is when I put my time aside to do something, I expect you to do the same thing. So with, I can only talk about a specific caliber of guy. Right? With those guys, could it be that they were doing, they weren't, they didn't actually want to do the thing? Like they were just doing it for you. And that's okay. You say it. So honesty, you should be more honest. Honestly, I can agree with that. See that like, that goes back to me saying, be direct about what you want to do. Like, if you don't want to go do S1Z, just say it. I don't want to do that. I might be like, why? But I'm like, okay, cool. That's fine. I'm very cool, lay back. Like, if you just tell me what it is because I feel like in my mind, I can respect you more if you just say, that's what it is. Or I'd be like, well, at least you told me. You didn't have to tell me. That's how I think. Like me and my home girl would be talking. I'd be like, girl, he said, whatever. But I can't be mad because Lucy told me. You know, I respect him for that. Lucy told me. He said he didn't want to be bothered. Yeah, that was some people. Like some days I don't want to be bothered. I'll just tell somebody, hey, I don't feel like talking. I got a headache, whatever. It's the same thing I spent. Like if you just say, hey, I had this going on. At least I know, okay, cool. The first is having me thinking, well, damn, did I do something? Like, that stuff plays truth. Got you, got you. Okay, let me see, I must, okay. Kevin Sanchez. Oh, okay. I always like doing that like Mufasa and see people's reaction. Mufasa. Ooh. Ooh. Um, you know, he recently passed. Guy Rousseau. Guy Rousseau, what thoughts and feelings do you associate with that name? Personally, I didn't get involved in me actually watching, like going to his page to watch what was going on. It was more of, oh, it'd be popped up on the shade room or it'd be popped up on Facebook or it'd be popped up on Twitter. And I knew a girl who I went to school with. She actually, you know, was on one of his episodes. I didn't even go and watch that. And the only reason why I knew she was on there because this guy just, you know, he was pretty much trying to drag her on Facebook. Like you didn't listen to Kevin Sanchez and stuff like that. And the thing is, it's like from what I saw, the way it was the delivery of the stuff. But in a certain situation, it's like, do we wanna be yes men all our lives? You know, you always want that person. Like me, I tell my friends, I'm gonna keep you 100% what you like, you wrong, just what you need to do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think sometimes when we don't wanna hear the truth from other people, we take it in a different form. But I feel like he was trying to make people, you know, better, but it was just delivery. But then you have those other people who's not Kevin Sanchez, you know, taking stuff and making it worse than what it is. Cause you know, social media always gonna heighten something more than what it really is. But I can say personally, like I really didn't watch too much of his stuff. I just saw the memes and the stuff that they would post on social media and that was pretty much it. So who is somebody, you know, celebrity otherwise with a delivery that you feel like is ideal? Cause I mean, we hear that a lot, you know, his delivery, his delivery, his delivery. Who is somebody that you feel like if he delivered more like this, then, you know. I don't know. I don't know. Platform wise, I mean, I listen to radio stations and stuff like that or like the breakfast club and even the stuff they'd be on this in, I'd be like, bro, it ain't it. You see, I don't know because I don't really watch other people's stuff on social media like that. I don't even like me personally, like I don't watch I say ratchet TV, like love and hip hop, basketball wives and stuff like that. So I couldn't even tell you who was actually having platforms like the red table talk. I don't even watch that. So I wouldn't know who's delivery it is. But the thing is, you know, it's just like we tell people, it's not about what you say is how you say it. You can tell me you need to go home and do something about your hair. I know my hair look bad. You go home and tell me that. But if you say, girl, your hair look bad, like you just being too much, then I may take offense to that. But it also depends on who is coming from too. I feel like sometimes people's like, why does this man feel obligated that he can tell me how I look or what I need to do? But I was thinking also, this is a man, like this isn't a woman. You don't want to date a woman. You want to date a man. So if this is what you're wanting, then it's got to come from that person. But then it goes back to how he said it. But, and you know, that's the main thing. And that's what got me fascinated about Kevin Sam was in the first place because I've heard Kevin Samuel-esque messages towards women. I've heard more catered and softer messages towards women. I've heard messages from men, women. Yeah, I don't listen to nobody. If it's a critique, if it's something less than flattering, if it's not Sister Mother, God is Queen, women, it seems like these days are unwilling to listen to anybody. Why is that? And you know, the worst part is, in my experience, women are even willing to listen to the caliber of men that they want. I want a six-figure, six-foot, six-whatever man. And he'll say, all right, you need to lose a little bit of weight. Are you misogynistic woman-hater? You're not even willing to listen to him. If Jesus came and was like, you know what, you need to give your life to Christ, I should be able to be, you know, you should love me just like I am. Yeah. Why is that? I don't know. I don't know. Like I said, me and one of my best friends, we've been best friends for like 10 plus years, it took us a while to get to that point of you wrong, holding each other accountable. And I think now, if she tells me friends that ain't right, or if somebody else told me something, if somebody else told me something, I would definitely take what they said. I mean, I like it, but I'll take what they said, and then I'll go and say, hey, to her, this is what you said, what you think. You knowing me as long as you know what it is. And like I said, she's not a yes woman. She's gonna tell me if I'm right or wrong. And then if she say, yeah, whatever, then I'm gonna be like, okay, it just depends on the person. I don't know why we wanna be hardheaded. I blame Eve. Blame Eve, y'all. Eve is Eve's fault. She started everything. God told her don't go eat that apple, what she do? What fruit? Cause we don't know if it was an apple or not, but fruit and what she do. We don't wanna listen to him, so we just don't wanna listen. I don't know what it is. That might be the title. I blame Eve. Do, go ahead. Yeah, I don't know if it's cool. I blame Eve. It's her fault. So, okay, so, I mean, as a woman, you know, I've been talking about this concept of a black female delegation, right? Because, you know, unbeknownst to a lot of women, black men are doing the work, black men are coming together, we're lifting each other up. I saw a video the other day of some black boys helping another black boy ride a bicycle. Black men are doing the work, holding each other accountable, holding them up to a certain standard. And black men tend to be a lot more cut, though. Either you this or you out. Whereas women tend to be more culling, oh, I know you a hoe, but you know, you're still one of us. What do you plan on doing as a black woman, as a black woman who is in network and community and fellowship with other black women to get them to the point where they're ready for, you know, the things that they say they want. Because the vast majority say they want a Boaz and a good dude, blah, blah. What do you think you can do to contribute to that? Well, I kind of already contribute, like, I'm an HR, so I love to see black women move up in certain places. Like, I'm the type, like, girl, this job came open or if you need help preparing for it, let me know. Or I'm always, you know, you need to go back to school and do X, Y, and Z. That's one thing when it comes to her warning, her boy has promised them, for example, I have a coworker, I'm not gonna call her name because she came and was like, you know, I have this guy I'm talking to and he's, you know, responsive, he communicates, we go out, you know, he tells me where he wants, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she's like, you know, I am about six type of thing. She was like, I have an 80, 20 type of thing. Then she says she has this one other guy who has porn star dick, that's what she called. That's what she calls him. But that's all he got. I was like, why are you in my face talking about this? That should be, you know, one of those things it shouldn't. So I'm telling her, like- Oh, explain the 80, 20, I'm not understanding 80, 20. So they have this thing called your 80, 20. So if you watched Topair, why did I get married? So in the movie, they talked about the 80, 20 rule. If your 80 outweighs your 20 in any type of way, that's your answer. So if you have a man who is your ideal man, like he's- Oh, so man A just didn't have good dick. It wasn't what she expected or wanted because she's dignitized by this other person who's doing everything else. You know, we get in that trance, like, oh my God, it is so good. But you can't get him to do anything else, whatever. So that was her thing. And I was like, well, think about it. See, it's like, that's all he has to offer. Like, what happens if you're stranded on the side of the road and he's about to come, help you change the tire or something like that, or what happens when you're going through an episode or something like that or what happens? And I just kept giving her all these scenarios and I was like, that's all he has to offer you. Versus this man over here. I said, and I'm gonna leave it like that. I'm gonna leave it to you. Like, you do whatever else you wanna do with the information. So me, I try to say, okay, I'm thinking as a woman, but I'm also thinking as a man. I hate to bring that up. Like, no Steve Harvey shit, but it's just like, okay, you have to put yourself in this person's shoes. What do you think was going on at this time? Sometimes people hate to hear that. I'm like, well, he sent you this, but that's because you sent this. Maybe he didn't know what to say. Sometimes people are good communicators via text. Sometimes you just have to pick up the phone and say, okay, what does that text mean?