 Hello everybody and welcome back to esoteric Atlanta today I had the pleasure of having a very important conversation With both Cindy from sacred garden yoga and Emmy from holistic genie We are going to be talking today about grief Grief is something that we all experience as human beings It's something that's heavily focused on in our shadow work challenge that we're doing right now the 60-day shadow work challenge The definition of grief basically is deep sorrow, especially around someone's death But grief does not have to be solely based on someone's death grief can come in so many different levels of deep expression of pain I hope that by the vulnerability that's being shared in this conversation you yourself will find paths to healing But before we go any further I do as always want to give a very very special Thank you to all the patrons and the producers here on esoteric Atlanta Without your support this channel would simply not be possible and also before we get into the conversation a brief word from one of our sponsors Hello everybody and welcome back again to esoteric Atlanta I'm joined here with my friend Cindy from I will put all the channel information down in the description box below But obviously Cindy is from Sacred Garden yoga the actual location and the YouTube channel And then of course we have Emmy from holistic Genie Our little Reiki our little Reiki master and it's so it's so appropriate. I know that Obviously everything For the most part is divine even if it doesn't feel divine at the time at the time that things are happening But Emmy wrote this beautiful for the 60-day shadow work challenge, which we're on day 40 today So good job you guys you were two-thirds of the way 60 days is a lot of days it's 60 of them like it's a lot of days and We have so many people pushing through it and going through this and so Emmy wrote a week for grief work, which is a really hard topic to To dive into and hopefully we can get a little bit vulnerable with you guys in our own conversations with grief And Cindy has some awesome classes on her channel and we've we've placed or I placed the exercise as Being these hip and heart openers to work Alongside the topic of grief, which is what Emmy provided So they work together in a very miraculous way, of course again Everything's divided if you've been on this channel for a while if you followed Cindy or Emmy for you for a while You know that the body is you know Very everything that we carry within our psyche and our thoughts Plays itself out in the physical body and The heart obviously is a big one, but the hips too I mean the hips are the biggest joint in the body and so they become the storage units of just You know that I know Emmy we've talked about it on the phone before of that junk that junk drawer that junk closet You have at your house where you just kind of put something in and shut the door And that's kind of what happens with the hips a lot is that stuff kind of gets in it doesn't matter you guys You can have very flexible hips. You can have very stiff hips. That's not determining What's really in there and so hip that's why I love yoga classes You see a focus on hips is because we're trying to unpack that stuff But before we get into this discussion at hand with our lovely ladies here I just want to go ahead and share with you guys again with the shadow work challenge Today we're shooting this on Wednesday March 1 You're now 2 3rds of the way through the chapter the 60 days You didn't come this far to only come this far you you're at the tail end You're you've got it the hardest part with anything is just starting like literally I mean a daily I think Cindy and Emmy can also you're the hardest part of starting your daily practice on the yoga mat is Actually just starting it once you're in it you're in it You know and so you guys are like 2 3rds of the way through So you are going to be doing Cindy's class today with the hips and heart and whining heavenly care you're picking your meditation and of course Today is the third day of grief work And this is guilt and pain are often the most profound and difficult parts of the grief process We can find ourselves Ruminating frequently thinking about missed opportunities are having remorse for what could have been many of us are tempted to engage Escapism our turn to addictive substances or activities to cope the pain can feel profoundly heavy like a blanket or coat that we cannot remove I think we've all felt that the heaviness of the body Sometimes we become desperate for relief It is it is vital to allow ourselves to completely feel all of our emotions to lean into them and hold space for them And allow them to flow it can feel nearly impossible to function normally or participate fully in life's activities The pain in this stage can also be felt in the body as physical pain. We need some fatigue and Amy has some journaling props I have some journaling props having to do with the exercise as well in correlation What came up for you doing these classes and as you guys know I picked the same class tomorrow We're going to change it up a little bit for the first three days You were doing the exact same class of Cindy's class with the grief work Tomorrow we are going to change it up again with the bar and then go back to Cindy's work These you guys I do do that in the challenges I'll keep you on at once for specific exercise for a little bit and I'll change it for a couple days And then we'll go back to see what gets pulled up out of you And so with that being said let's just go ahead and dive right into it because this is such a heavy and hard topic and I hope I hate to use the word safe space because I feel like that word's gotten a little ridiculous over the last three years But I do hope in all sincerity that this channel and this community is a safe space for people who are trying to work through their humanness the humaining of them and you know Life can be hard and it's through that friction of grief anger everything that we find the light the light in the So the more the heart breaks the more the light can shine through so I don't know who wants to start ladies Such a heavy topic it's like I don't know I don't want to say now Well, I mean why don't you go through quickly just talk everybody through the stages of grief again? We know the people who are doing the shadow work challenge are working through the stages, but what just Clip notes version. What are the different stages of grief? Okay, so I'm actually in a grief process right now. So my brain is not Functioning up to power. Can you pull up? the seven Stages I like to there there are two some people talk about five stages some people talk about seven There's no right or wrong. I like the seven because it gives a little bit more definition to Some of the the stages that you can be in now Not everybody goes through every stage and it's definitely not linear can bounce around Do you yeah, I'm gonna pull up this website here That's not on the shadow work challenges because I don't want to pull go through all the shadow work stuff, but Let's see here. So I pulled up I googled seven stages of grief This is showing the five, but we can add in the extra two. So we'll just look at this here denial So Do you is there anything I mean, do you want to is that what you want to do? I mean You just want to go through these and then we'll add the extra two in. Um, yeah, but what? Can I can I find real quick Let me just I should have pulled this up before okay, sorry here I'm gonna give you guys the right to share stuff. Well, while she's doing that Cindy What's go ahead and what what's your perception of grief and and your work with grief through your own practice? in your own life and your own shadow work and Because I think people think it's really just death like the grief is not just experiencing a death that there's so many different Things that can can can ignite grief Yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna say is grief doesn't just come about and I think it surprises people especially when you hear so much About letting things go right that's like a thing that we hear often and it's appropriate I mean, there are certain things that we need to let go of things that we need to shed Things that we need to dissolve in order to move on to the next phase of our life of our being and When we say I'll just let it go, you know but we forget that letting go usually involves a very deep grieving process and That's why it makes it so challenging to let things go is our willingness to it's like, okay. Well, it's not just the The uncertainty of the future, but it's like the the letting go of who you were in order to become and I had this experience when I was up in Peru up in Lake Titicaca and Lake Titicaca is said to be the second Chakra of the earth, you know, it's just a huge ass lake and I was on the love the name by the way, I think that's the best name Titicaca like I think that is just the most fabulous Tiki it's Titi for Peru caca for Bolivia. So the Peruvian say I Know but anyways, I was We were on the waters on our way to to the place the resort that we were staying at or the place that we're staying at in the the center of the lake and When we were on the waters Out of nowhere, I felt this immense desire and this need to cry and I was just crying crying And I don't know. I mean there was nothing that was happening around me. We were in this beautiful place You know, we I was leading a retreat and everything was beautiful, but just crying I just wanted to cry and so I cried and I'm like, what is all this crying about and it was It was that it was it took me a minute to figure out. Oh, this is actually grief that I'm feeling I'm feeling grief for the person who I used to be I'm feeling grief for the 20 and the 30 year old As I now step into I mean this retreat was maybe six or seven years ago. So it was like in the Probably early 40s But it was the grief of letting go of my 20 30 year old self It was the grief of letting go of my beautiful brunette hair as I step into this this here You know, like all the things that that you don't even think that you are going to grieve And I just felt deeply this this sense of well, she's she's going I mean, she's gone. I honor the 20 to 30 year old for getting me to where I'm at right now But there are aspects of her that I'm not going to be able to take fully with me, you know And there was this deep understanding because I had never really even thought about that before But for some reason all those thoughts and all those feelings came rushing in at that moment And it was I mean and I was it took me a moment though It took me a moment to identify. Oh, it's like this is what letting go feels like letting go there's a deep grieving process and I think that that's what What can be surprising and shocking but it's also a natural part of letting go So if you are in the transitioning time and you feel like you need to cry You know or these overwhelming emotions come over that we're often surprised that how much of that is actually grief for Having to you know, in order to step into that new phase to evolve to ascend or whatever Um to let go of those those pieces and parts that were a big part of your identity That's huge because I struggle with that big time That's and you saying that like the first time I struggled with the aging process was my 27th birthday And I didn't know at that point that was my Saturn return at most every you know Common for but that was the first time it like really hit me that I wasn't You entering into your 30s. You're not really young and you're young, but you're not really young anymore You you you know and then of course I just turned 40 So that was really hard for me every birthday gets harder and you're right saying that is it's it's like I don't want to go back to my 20s. I don't even want to go back to my 30s But there's an element of yourself in those decades that Can't come with you and you to your 40s because that's not The time that's not the phase you're in so that's so true That's I think a lot of you know, I think I think that's why we see so much anti aging everywhere You know of trying to and I love that you said that about the the being and we talk about that a lot the leading into the pain and We we've talked about toxic positivity within the spiritual community because that's unfortunately You see that a lot and yeah when it's not so much when you realize there's there's a pain inside of you It's not just letting it go. It's not going to work. Just don't let it go You in order to let it go you have to actually unpack it and like live it and cry and like be in that state of mourning and then all of a sudden It's like a dish rag. It just rings it all out and then all of a sudden you can you can wish it bon voyage, you know um Until next life. We will meet again next life. I'm sure you know So um, so emi you want to go did you find what you were looking for? Yeah let me Share screen here Okay, can you guys see that? Yes Okay, all right, so I like I like the seven stages because um There's just a little bit more there um So shock and disbelief is typically what happens at first, you know and We can use loved ones But like cindy was saying and and i'm actually going through a grief process right now similar to what cindy Cindy was just describing not not for age, but um just another another huge layer of The ego onion dying um so shock and disbelief and I actually had um an experience a shocking experience um a little less than a couple weeks ago during a meditation um just some some things were shown to me um And it was just I i'm still trying to wrap my my head around it um and then the next Typically the next stage is denial like it's too It's too much to wrap your head around Moving forward into this next phase of life or or thinking about having to live without someone who was Really close to you so we just it's just kind of like this space that we enter That's maybe a little uh safe maybe gives us a little relief from the the bigness of it And then the next phase um can be guilt and pain and You know sometimes we feel guilty um if we survived Uh someone sometimes we feel guilty um that You know we're still here and this person isn't and then the pain You know definitely felt in the heart space, but also can be felt in the body physically um And then the bargaining stage where this is another kind of Actionable step that the brain takes to kind of deal with the loss um where you're trying to Rationalize or just just try to make sense out of what is happening Um anger there can be very very intense periods of anger or even rage at the situation, you know, it's You're not able to control what is going on and it can be really overwhelming um depression depression is fairly common and typically is one of the stages that you're in for a longer period of time um This can be the stage where We can turn to escapism or addictive substances or tendencies or or addictive activities um to just Get away from it, you know, sometimes it can be so overwhelming and so uh monumentus that We just need a break and it can be really easy to turn to things or substances Or medication even and you know nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with um If you decide you need to to take medication for a short period of time I just encourage people not to Come to depend on that Um for your new normal going forward And then lastly is acceptance um where you come to space space where um You are becoming more comfortable with who you are as A person going forward Either in this new phase of your life or without the job that you lost or without your pet um or your family member um and You can bounce around Through any of these stages like you could go through all the stages be at a place of acceptance And then all of a sudden one day just get really pissed about what it is that you lost Or go back into the sadness or Another you know phase of denial It's definitely not linear It's not like you go from one thing to the next thing to the next thing and it's nice and neat and even and It's just not how grief recovery works um Yeah, and one thing I want to talk actually because you kind of mentioned it We spoke about this on the phone another form of grief and you see this a lot and like Intense Spiritual work is the ego death that's one of the biggest biggest most Breath-taking forms of grief. That's why it's called the dark night of the soul. That's why it's called the ego death And I was telling you emi back in like 2017 There were and I was teaching at Cindy shala at this point, but there were like two months where I cried every single day And I was what I was mourning was, you know, we all know we're gonna die one day. That's not, you know, we know But I had really was so focused on the philosophy of of allowing myself to understand my soul That the reality of me as Bryce In the body in the life I live now even though it becomes a chapter of my soul's existence Would not follow me after death That after death this identity Ashes to ashes. It's like putting on, you know, we think about our clothes, right? Like you put on a different outfit every day and you don't really think much me Have your favorite shirts and it's a shame when they get lost or outworn, you know, but it's not something that's Emotional about that like shri swami sishinanda in his commentary. So it's like once you really go through the acceptance that you're a soul Then you can really enjoy your life because you know, it's like a virtual reality game basically, right? It's just a simulation But really and again, this is not groundbreaking news Like we all know that that death, you know, death be not proud. It's it's coming one day for all of us But I think for some of us like or for me like at that moment just and I had been studying this philosophy for a long time But with my practice and really working on it I'm really trying to identify more with the watcher the seer And not the watchable not the seabull which is another definition of property would be the seabull the watchable Parusha is the sea or the watcher trying to identify more with the watcher versus the watchable Really put me in a really dark place of grieving just this life And I started to think more about past lives, you know, and we have some recollections of past lives But we don't remember the full extent of those lives We don't remember the good days we had the bad days We had the loved ones that we loved and cared for the the children we birthed in those lives the you know And so those are just distant foggy ideas So then understanding that the next life I live this life would also be a distant foggy idea and that was so Hard for like two months probably maybe even longer. I was I was literally like Crying every day. I mean, I feel sorry for my boyfriend. I'm sure I was not the sexiest at that time, but you know, but um But it's it's it's morning. It's going that's the ego death It doesn't mean that the ego is permanently dead. It's not until It goes with the body but but just understanding what that was and I hope that that makes some sense because I think a lot of people And it passed it did pass and it comes to acceptance and yeah, then you're fine again and then You know a year later you might go through another bout of it. It just it is it's a pulling back of the layers It's um, especially when you are practicing a very pope practice that's kind of geared towards Towards those realizations, you know, so um, yeah I know you said that's something like you're going through right now. I mean, it's hard, isn't it? Oh, it's so hard Yeah, for about Three months now um It it started the beginning of december and It's like It's another layer you know, I've been waking up spiritually since about 2016 um And this particular layer is just Really deep like what price was saying um I think it's a course in miracles so The daily lessons Yes that The daily lesson there's 365 Daily lessons They're intentionally and specifically designed to unlearn The ego's thought system It works. Okay I'm just in a very A very yin stage of my spiritual growth And god keeps bringing these two analogies I really hope this is helpful for people because this is really hard to do this on camera um Okay, so the two analogies were this I have this vitamin powder It's a superfood I wanted to switch my supplements up. So I am trying something different And you take a scoop of powder and you put it on your water And it'll just sit there until you take a spoon And stir it up and mix it up and disturb it and and make it all go crazy and haywire and Like the past three months every time I Take my vitamin powder God keeps bringing to mind, you know, this is what's happening inside of you This is what's happening with your nervous system in order for you to become Um or in order for you to remember who you are everything has to be stirred up and disturbed and and You know mixed up and and it's a really uncomfortable But if that really disturbing uncomfortable thing doesn't happen My vitamin drink won't mix with the water So even though it is Kind of disruptive and chaotic It's still a beautiful part of the process And the other analogy was um like a tree So in order for a tree's branches To reach higher and higher into the heavens to grow wider and longer and taller It has to reach its roots deeper and deeper and deeper into the depths So as you're growing you know And reaching higher and growing higher First you have to be willing to Reach really down and far down into the depths You know So so as high as you're reaching up to heaven You have to be willing to reach that far into hell and I'm learning to detach from the feelings because you know, I tend to think that when I'm feeling good when I am You know vibrating high then I'm doing well And if I'm feeling bad and in this lower space then I'm not doing well, but that's not the case I'm doing really really well right now. It's just really hard This is really hard um That's a good thing to to play out as well. We had a student Years ago that did an ayahuasca ceremony and when he came back in We asked him like what's the biggest thing you learned and he goes I realized that joy laughter sorrow depression Are are both the same. They're two sides of the same experience. They don't really dictate anything And that's what we talk about karma a lot in the yoga world or any spiritual world And I think westerners are really confused about what karma is. I'm actually about to do a huge video On it because I think people are so confused about this All karma is is action and reaction cause and effect. That's it. That's all it is And if you get into like spiritual works It the spirit has no attachment of whether something you label something is good or bad By your attachment to the outcome of the experience Right karma Take it down to biological stuff You drink a glass of water. What's the karma of that? Well, you're hydrated But then you're gonna have to pee That's karma You woke up this morning because that's the karma. That's the effect of going to bed last night Right, you know, and there's different, you know, it's it's obviously gets deeper and more profound But karma also provides that friction. So the attachment we do have to the cause and effect Is what causes things like grief is what causes these experiences for us to have So that we can go into the depths of hell as you said like Listen If you want to be a spiritual person, you're gonna have to get real comfortable with hell You're gonna have to buy some lakefront property in hell because that's where you're gonna spend most of your time Right, you know, it's it's it's because it's it's having to look at that I mean, I know Cindy's kind of like that's kind of your forte is working on that shadow side and that darkness and You know, the the matter of it all the Shakti of it all is that creation It's it's um, it's that that um idea that our soul and in its infinite wisdom created this simulation In order to One of the favorite things that one of my teachers said is um, we don't necessarily come into uh embodiment because uh We want to know our oneness Because we were we're already that if you if you believe in a soul and you and you believe that in that purusha, you know We're already that we we came here to know more than uh, just our oneness. We came to know the full spectrum. That's the whole Reason for embodiment and it was funny too because uh, I posted something on instagram It was something that we were talking about In class last week where we were talking about the In I put the picture of the natharaj that you gave me brice the natharaj, which is the dance of Shiva You know Shiva is the cosmic dancer And um the natharaj shows It beholds Shiva Going through his five main activities And his five main activities, which is also our five our five main activities because we're also the cosmic dancer You know, one of them is creation. So he holds a drum in one hand that represents creation He holds a um Fire there you go He holds fire in another hand, which is disillusion Disillusion so there's creation and then there's destruction or dissolution and then The other hand he holds like this in that abhiyaya mudra Which represents Preservation All right, so we go through these phases right ourselves of creation dissolution Preservation and then the one foot you can see how that one leg is coming down standing on the the little dwarf demon That leg coming down on that dwarf demon represents when we go through phases of forgetfulness and concealment So it's part of our dance So we are we go through the process of forgetfulness and concede where we we we concealed we forget our truth But then you see the uplifted leg the one that's lifting up That leg represents Remembrance and revelation So yes, we go through concealment when we go through embodiment, right? We're born with that forgetfulness But then that other leg represents all but there's these moments of grace of revelation when we remember But it's all part of the dance, you know We need all the motions and then the other hand there's another arm that's going across like this And it points down at that foot that's lifted And what that hand represents is hey if you get stuck You get stuck in forgetfulness look down there at that foot the foot that's lifted up And remember that that's where the grace is like remember the step of revelation that that is coming Right, so we will all go through the phases of creation destruction You can't avoid it. We'll all go through the phases of concealment But luckily we come through the phases we we we go through that phase of remembrance and revelation And that's what that hand points to it's like remember that that's also Coming and that this is all just part of the dance. We are the cosmic dancer. We're going to go through that whole entire The that that whole entire All those motions ourselves and he's dancing in that ring of fire See the the ring of fire that goes around and that represents maya it represents us being born into this into this into this form And his his dreadlocks are out like this And that represents him being in constant motion In other words, he's swinging his head around like this in constant motion And so are we and luckily we're always moving and dancing and changing So we're we'll go through all these different phases ourselves So if you are stuck in like grief or depression and you're in a moment where you are concealed And maybe you're in a moment of forgetfulness. We all go through it Know that the revelation is coming And look for the grace in the present moment I love that and that's what I love about she was so much in a lot of the hendu Jesus because she was actually He's one of the try heads There's sheva vishnu brahman that the god had they're like like father son holy ghost. They have sheva vishnu Brahman, but um sheva Even though he has the notarage the ring of fire where it's this hectic chaotic life she was also like the pothead And the the the deity that meditated for what a thousand years So there's this like calmness to sheva as well within the hecticness of the night I always think about that when I look at the notarage like this hectic beautiful chaos The entity that's doing this within him is also this This this calm like he represents the tamas guna, which is the guna the line of energy within us That's real like relaxed right and so within you is that I mean listen if you ever go to india for sheva ratri You will never have to buy marijuana. You'll just get secondhand high because that's what sheva ratri you know, it's um It's uh, uh, one of my boyfriend's teachers told him once uh because he he likes his his uh, sheva ratri We'll just say it that way and she goes, you know, even sheva had his limits like you gotta stop at some point So but that's what I love. That's why I love about the there's so many multifaceted The the deities the representations the avatars of god and that's what I love about the notarage too Is that when you know that this this is the sheva in this this like chaotic beauty but she was also The deity of calmness and he's also the warrior too I mean, that's why ganesh has an elephant head sheva freaked out and cut the kid's head off and then went Oops, let me go replace that and put an elephant head. I don't know if you guys know that Ganesh is just an elephant head. The rest of the body is human so So, you know, so it's showing that polarity within us as well, which I guess is the two feet too You know the two feet of um, and I what I love about the revelation yeah And then uh, your your your humanity and your divinity is we often say it too And isn't that just the we talk a lot about opposing forces because that's what creates friction I know that's spoken about a lot nash tanga I speak about it a lot in my class and you know, you think about the physical body when there's an opposing force There's a stretch and there's a heat that comes from that But what's what's more opposing forces than having a mortal body with an immortal soul You can't get more opposing forces than that like within that with that within itself is a friction, right? And and you know, I know I mean for me like when I was going through my Realizations, I remember what I actually remember. I was on juniper, which is the street up your big street in lana Um, I remember where I was when I had this thought and I thought if I could remember all of my past lives If I was in my soul my just my spirit body and god came to me and opened up this closet And I saw everybody I every single incarnation I had lived in just kind of hanging on a hanger And god said you can be any one of the lives you've been forever and ever and ever Which one would you pick and I remember thinking I don't even know if I would pick this life because I can't remember those Which one was the greatest life, you know, which body did I enjoy the most? I don't know and that realization in itself broke me because I thought wow Everything but it's not a distant memory really because the soul always carries the information. It's just like that shiva ratri are the The not to raj like going into that forgetfulness That necessary forgetfulness um, and I think it's also important to take into consideration what your body is going through In the uh through any kind of the grieving process. I mean, it's a for real physical thing um, there's a uh A great book that I've uh recommended to a lot of my clients people have worked with who have gone through anything like The wars or whatever, you know anything where there's been the uh breaking apart like that um, or you know a lost in relationship or any it could be anything um, but it's a book called journeying from abandonment to healing And what I love about this book is that she describes the A lot of the physiological things that are happening through your body how it hits your nervous system And she says like when you first get the uh, I think in this case She was talking about uh in the book. She talks a lot about divorce or the ending of relationships And when you first get that hit, you know, and how deeply abandonment is tied to the grieving process How grieving often brings up these feelings of abandonment that they're they're they're intertwined right when you get Abandoned grief comes in. Yes this one uh Yes, and she calls uh She kind of goes through phases, but it's a little bit different than the grief phase But what she talks about the first phase that we go through she calls it the shattering So when something happens you we all go through this shattering process And I love the way that she describes it Where and that's exactly what you feel like you feel like you've been shattered in a million different pieces Uh the things especially like for women for instance How it's deeply and it's not just uh women that feel it but you know men obviously because she gives a lot of examples of men who go through it but one of the physiological things tied with women is um back a long time ago Our ancestors if you were a woman and you were abandoned by your tribe that meant death for you And so there's a remembrance of that in your body in your dna So when you go through like the shattering period it brings up all this those fears like deep deep fears about Um, I'm gonna die Your body your body is actually thinking that it's gonna die That's what your body is responding to when you go through like moments of grief your your body is thinking that it's going to die And that's why your central nervous system just goes into this like crazy upheaval because it's like preparing for death yeah And but the understanding of oh, you know my body is having this physiological response You know all of this uh these hormones are going off and it's causing me to feel this way even more I don't know. I just think sometimes when we understand The physiological stuff that's going in our bodies That it can also help us to get through those moments of grief of like, oh, I mean I because you can't help it Because you know when that happens you can't help it And you might want to try to stop it and do all the things that you can but It's just your body is going to do what your body is going to do And when I think we can understand of those like the shattering that we go through And that that's like a like truly a real thing and then you're not going crazy That we can then at least respond with some understanding and compassion toward ourselves when we're going through those kind of processes I like that the shattering because I think there's so many As you were saying that you know what I was thinking Cindy I was like man psychopaths have it so much easier They don't have to feel nothing, right? They're like whatever Right, so you're up to me. I'll find another one, you know Um, and I think I think that that deep feeling of pain just shows how deeply you love too You know where there's darkness there is I mean that's one thing the law of one also says about planet earth You know planet earth is one of the most most uh gangster planet darkest planets Third density planets out there like we take the darkness real seriously here We go to depths that other planets won't go to but the law of one always reminds you that Because there is so much darkness on this planet. There's also that much light There has to be the balance. There's a more light here than any other planet But when when shadow comes up there has to be the light that comes up that can Oppose it. Yeah Yeah And that's um dark things begin to emanate the light also has to come up. So there's a force that can come in and Uh, and it goes the other way around too when there's uh, um, I can't remember what book I read But they were talking about how people who shine really really really bright That they also have that they cast a really big shadow Hmm And they they they have lots of that Experiences in their lives if you think about some of the great movie stars That cast a beautiful big huge bright light if you think of the legends the people that you remember They also had a Like that that opposing shadow. So it goes both ways if you have a shining bright light Then you're gonna have a pretty big shadow that comes with it too. Oftentimes. So yeah more than likely Everyone's like next live god. Can I just be Me to core like just just put me like just very easy. Um, yeah, just let me be medium I do a medium like So, yeah, exactly. Um, yeah, and it's it's but I mean It's so hard and I know Alan Watts and shri swami. They both kind of said the same thing It's like once that realization that the pain is gonna come You can ride the waves of the pain In a different way when you're able to understand that the pain is part of the experience You know, it's it's um, it's part of that that simulation of of being that that you co-created um God i'm thinking like i'm sitting thinking our souls must be like in the cosmic uh, insane asylum We must be we must be cos of the cosmically one floor of the cougou stuff But you know, it's and it's hard and it's um, I'll never forget There's a book. Uh, what's it called the secret life of bees? I believe is the name of the book. I read it a long time ago my first grade teachers husband sister wrote the book and um, they made a movie out of it takes place in south carolina and like the fifties and there was a family of sisters of of black sisters and of course This is the time period and they end up taking in this little white girl that is without a family But one of the sisters is very emotional And she had her own little wall That she would go to and ever she would feel pain Our sadness she would like write things on a note and stick it in the wall and go there to cry And I remember I said to someone once like I really want that wall Like I think that wall because it's it's it's a it's a it's a place where she would go To express that pain When she needed to it was acknowledging that pain And then the person looked at me that I said this to as a guy dated He was like, why do you think you need that wall? And I was like, don't you therapy? Don't you therapy me? Like I just think that's a really good idea to actually have a place where you can go and ignore I think he was a little psychopathic if i'm going to be completely honest So but for me that was a really good idea like to have a place Where one could go to actually acknowledge the pain Where you could physically remove yourself from a situation and acknowledge it and have a sacred place Out in the yard at her little wall Where that could be expressed And how healthy is that? I think for a lot of us. That's what our practice is It is our wailing wall. It is our wall of tears that we go to our yoga mats or our Bar classes or our running shoes in order to have a place to as Marnie Alton says in her classes We feel things here in order to have that sacred place to feel And I've seen more people cry in the yoga room than I have anywhere else in my life And some of the people who appear to be the strongest will one day just be a heaping mess on their mats and You know, usually we we don't draw attention to it. We just let them do their thing We don't draw attention to it, you know and have their moment and um well anybody that you look up to like they're a hot mess and So let's want to another teacher that says that that everybody that you've ever looked up to They're a hot mess somewhere in their lives I mean and and and I've read that too here recently like there is this really there's this person You know, he's really successful. You know, whatever successful means to you And he was even saying do you ever just feel like a failure someday today is one of those days for me And you know, then that's coming from someone who is you know, highly successful And you think oh well these highly successful people who've got it all together They have days Probably several days where they feel like failures Or you know, they feel like they're just things are happening. They they feel like a hot mess And it's it's just I guess it's just understanding that it's part of the Part of the process no matter how successful you are no matter how performing you are You know, it's we're we're all going to go through those moments and I guess what our practice really does is it Helps, uh lifts us up more quickly so that we don't Spiral and stay down there without any Realization of the good that can come to the other side of it I think that's what our our practices help us more So with that Then from keeping us from having the feelings because the feelings are going to naturally come and go But how long we stay there and how long we believe it That is where your the efficacy of your practice comes in it helps you get through those moments So you don't stay there as long and I think that's what the You know the the the the high performers or the the the ones who shine bright Uh, and they can kind of stay there. That's what they've figured out more than anything. It's not that they avoid feeling bad It's that they have processes and routines and things in their lives that help Help get them through I'll process it. That's so true. I mean I'm seeking some of the greatest. I mean, I know going I mean, I always tell people like the best thing you could do for yoga practices to go to india and watch all these Famous yoga teachers that you think how about their shit together? Let me tell you as beautiful as their practices are their lives are usually pretty falling apart, you know every, you know but it's it's it's there isn't yeah, it's it's um 100 it's uh, how many people who are high Powered attorneys that have all this money and this success in the courtroom have five divorces behind them and you know it's it's It is there's no but as far as my one of the most profound things my algebra teacher said in high school was No one gets out of this world alive. I've that's the one thing Algebra 2 does that no one gets out of this world alive. That's it. That's the one thing Um and without feeling something without going through some element of suffering. Yeah It's everyone's gonna everyone's gonna hit somebody. It's gonna get you at some point. Oh, I absolutely Than others You know, some people are born with more having to go through more of that than others But it's gonna hit everybody nobody gets away with not coming into embodiment without feeling the full spectrum It's uh, it's funny. The law of one also talks about how we when we when we're designing our You know, I kind of see it like you're planning your college courses like with your advisors like you're picking your classes and Law of one will advise people sometimes that they put too much You know, because we as spirits see our life here on earth is so quick That we want to throw all these experiences in just to get through it And then our our higher ups are like listen, you don't need to get raped five times Go through a bankrupt c have 10 divorces. Let me keep you don't you're nervous and stuff They have to pull us back sometimes From from all the experiences that we truly want to have in order and as the law of one says to refine your soul It's your soul we're finding itself You know, and so yeah, that is true. No one gets out of this world alive. We all have our crosses to bear. We all have Have to go through and grief is like I think that just is as a theme that kind of weaves in and out A lot of of a lot of suffering regardless of whether it's losing a loved one Regardless of whether it's losing a job, you know, whatever a divorce Getting older it comes in in so many different I mean miscarriages. I've never had a miscarriage, but I know women that go through miscarriages. Apparently that's just an incredible grieving process You know, it's um, it's they say even moving like when you move House to house that it goes it's like they're going through the process of a death Almost and and you could be I mean I want to move from where I live right now because this place is old and You know, it was just it's we I need to find somewhere else in the area But even though I want to get out of this place. I know it's I'm going to cry the day it happens because There's great memories that have happened. You know, it's it's that giving that up and um You know, it's uh, it's and that's that sensitive. It's that tender I think the more we grieve the more our heart is really tender And it's that love, you know, that's the opposite is that it's showing the love Like emmy going through the ego death. It's showing the love you have for your life Hmm. I'd like to know where my warning was before I came here because I lost my whole family of origin within a decade I've been through divorce. I've had miscarriages. I've moved five times. Like what was I thinking? I want to speak to the manager. Where's the manager? Okay Don't let me do this next life. Like we're gonna get before I come back up into my higher self while I'm in the lower self I'ma let y'all know right now. Stop me next time Yeah, yeah, it's it that's rough and but honestly though emmy and I know this about you It seems to me people in my life that I know have had a rough go at it are some of the kindest wisest Most grounded most loving humans I've ever met And so I'm say that's why I like you you're going to but that just shows the way the fact that you're grieving shows that There's also love there And that's what's causing the grief is that feeling of love What's the opposite of that would be a psychopath where You feel no love What's that saying it's better to love and to love and have lost than to never loved at all You know so it's um very saturnian This is the this is the saturnian part of life, you know where you're talking about astrology Saturn is somewhere Saturn is always somewhere in our lives, right? And it's exactly here and and that's what I feel like this is the it's it's the What doesn't kill you make you stronger that is Saturn's Saturn's catchphrase And it's also what you were saying Where on the other side where you're talking about emmy and how she's wiser and kinder and sweeter more compassionate from them Those are those saturnian Lessons where when you go through the deaths and the grief and you go through all these these hardships that come into your life Those saturnian. I mean we none of us really love to think about saturn Like you're talking about saturn return and all that but when you get through it Those are the things that it's alchemy It's changed you from the inside out and you're a different person By going through those processes That is why saturn is the great elder. He's the great elder planet And that's what I know both Cindy and And um emmy are two women that I know personally don't hold a lot of judgment towards other people And that's a huge lesson of love when you're able to and you know Walk through the fire of life and you come out and you don't judge people as much because you have that compassion Because you've been there yourself and you know how easy life can life can change. I mean look listen I mean, have you guys actually sat back and thought in 2020 they shut down a whole planet? Like have you actually I mean the reality of what just overnight? I mean that that that didn't teach you how quickly Things can change. I mean, I don't know. I I know people from 2020 There's probably a lot of grief that's happening from that domino effect of that happening whether it was losing your business All this kinds of stuff that that happened um the political divide You know, that's people are grieving that If they allow themselves to actually say, you know what? A lot of us lost friends because we didn't follow the narrative, you know and and To say that really sucks and I miss those people even though They didn't you know, it's okay to you know, you don't have to be Again, I think that's one of the biggest misconceptions people have about spirituality Is that it's just even the half doors I did my reading for next week already and they talked about Hanging out in the clouds too much You will not ascend. They basically said that you will not ascend Unless you ground yourself unless you you're willing to actually implant yourself into your own health And I think that's so important because we there are people who try to avoid They think that spirituality is hanging out in the clouds and butterflies and rainbows Listen No, I always compare it like, you know in Ashtanga Shala, you walk in and people have their pants on backwards Eyeliner running down their face. They have Albert Einstein hair. I'm like, that's that's messy And that's what that's what it really looks like You know, it's it's uh, it's there's their top and bottoms don't match, you know, it's it's just that's that's really but it's real And then and then on the other side of that too, though, there's the beauty, you know There is beauty when you descend you ascend the ascension is there too And I think that's what that uplifted leg, right of the nacharaj is is pointing back to that Is remembering that this will this too shall pass So when you're going through those grieving processes or whatever you're going through some shadow period or phase of concealment or forgetfulness that That it's going to pass and there's some sweetness and goodness That's uh, that's there too. I mean it's just there the sweetness and goodness and all the beautiful things are Are there the sun's still shining the birds are still chirping You know the the fruit trees are still creating Oranges and the apple trees are still creating apples. You know what I mean? It's like every the world is still moving through its beauty and we just went we're just going through a moment Of that maybe humanity goes through it collectively. Sometimes we go through it individually But the world It's still shining on. You know the sun's still shining the the you know other babies are being born all the time and And I think we just got to remember that you know that that's that's happening too And that itself actually I mean I've never had a child but Both of you have and like let's I mean grief and that postpartum depression You have this beautiful baby that You would give your life for but in the same token a lot of women are also struggling with grieving Being a mother postpartum depression, I'm sure you probably had it to me, but I know my postpartum I only have I only have one kid. He's a he's 17 year old now But it lasted a good two and a half years and I didn't even know I was in it until I was out of it You're like, you know, then I'm like back. I'm like, oh shit. That's what that was. No wonder I was feeling like shit I know it up in it. You don't even know so many women so many of my friends my sister Like after having their first child and the doctors like hand you a baby and you're like What do I do with it and then they send you home and you're like, wait I'm I'm going through all these changes in my body for women. You literally just had a you you shot Something the size of a watermelon Out a hole the size of a penny Her body went through hell and back to do that You're you know, I know a lot of women don't feel so great after having babies because it takes a while for the Body to bring itself back to its natural place. They don't feel sexy anymore Now they're not their husband or boyfriend sexy girlfriend wife, but now they're mom They're a mom now and then I know for a lot of people there comes a dynamic change with a husband or the boyfriend Where all of a sudden the husband doesn't feel loved because the mom's giving me attention to the baby Which I know for men so there's a grieving process for men as well. I know most men don't mean that in a negative way It's just the relationship dynamic changes because now the two of you are responsible For keeping this little thing that looks like Winston Churchill because all babies look like Winston Churchill alive And nobody gave you a manual on how to do that Right, you got poop shooting out at you. I mean the first time I changed my nephew's diaper he shadowed over me like you know things are happening and um And that's and that's a grieving process for for people too, but they're such a beautiful So there's that dichotomy, right? There's that polarity You have this beautiful life that you literally would give your life for But you're depressed about it at the same time And that's the all this The by the hormones. I mean the hormones too when they come up You know, I'm a strong believer too that your hormones are just They pull up stuff that are buried And you know, so we go through cycles even monthly cycles or yearly cycles or whatever our hormones are doing and Then sometimes we'll feel really great and other times we feel really agitated and another time we'll feel really sad But the hormones, I mean they can really They can as far as the emotional stuff the stuff that we were actually Carrying the the baggage that we're carrying the hormones I mean they do a great job of Showing you where the baggage is and I think that's what happens a lot with the postpartum depression the hormones get so Moved around that it's showing you where you've suppressed the whole bunch of stuff And then it just comes up all at once in this most unfortunate time when you're trying to To be happy and joyful with your kid then the all so all your suffering from all your lifetimes have come up You know in the midst of that and you're like, holy shit So sorry women in labor when they're in pain and look at their husbands, they're like, you Didn't You did this to me, you know and so but yeah, so there's grief everywhere in life Like there's always going to be grief. There's always going to be that and it's okay I think that's the biggest thing. I I think we want everybody It's okay to have a day and I thank you any for being vulnerable because that's that is and that And I think too when we're able to come down into the depths of hell You can't fake it When you're in the depths of hell so the ego has to remove itself And that's what's so beautiful about that is that there's truth there And and most and people are going to look at that and watch you and me and be like I thank god. I'm not the only one The what's more human than that, you know, yeah And it's just remembering the the physical component that if you are going through a grieving process No matter if it's a deep one or you know, it's a whole whatever To really just let it process through your body to let the sacred waters flow You know, because that's your body trying to cleanse Cleanse through some of the pain To understand, you know, the how energy holds in the body where you got, you know, your root Your mudahara. So there's a lot of issues there with safety from web and then the womb space Like really working and nurturing the womb space and affirming that your womb is not a place to hold fear and pain But your body is designed to process fear and pain But it's not really designed to hold fear and pain for long periods of time When you hold fear and pain for long periods of time And that's when you know, things start to happen You get sick or you get ill or you know, you don't feel well. You're lethargic. You're tired all those things So your body is not a place to hold. This is an affirmation I actually say a lot in yoga classes during shavasana I'll have them say your body is not a place to hold fear and pain Your womb is not a place to hold fear and pain. Your heart is not a place to hold it process it but You don't have to hold it and don't be afraid of the process Your body can handle the process. I guess sometimes we don't think that we can handle the process But we've all survived so far through our processes So, you know, we can handle the process even though it might be painful But what we can't handle for a long period of time is holding it in and things will start to break down We start hoarding pain. We're hoarders hoarding pain. I mean, what do you Whenever I'm stressed out or upset. What is it you tell me? You're a hundred your track record is a hundred percent There you go. Yeah Yeah, you're everything So and guys, I know we're a little bit over an hour now But I I really wanted to focus a lot on all that that material of what grief is And then as Cindy was saying the body is in a place to hold it So when you're moving through the exercise when you're moving through Cindy's class or if you're a runner, whatever it is you're doing Allow the exercise the fire of the exercise to process Especially when you're working through the hips Um, if if emotions come up when you're in a hip opener That's normal. First of all, you're not crazy That's kind of the point. That's kind of the point of it. Um, yay. That's the point So, um and just lean into it and I know Shanti says this a lot ask it. What is it? What is it here to teach you? So when grief comes up. Hi, what's that Simon and Garfunkel song? Hello darkness my old friend I've come to speak with you again Hello grief Good to see you again What are you here to teach me now? What do you want to show me now? Hello anger. What are you trying to show me? What am I not seeing? And when you start that dialogue with your emotions Trust me your emotions don't want to hang out there. They want to go too, right? So they will talk back to you. They will let you know subtly they will let you know what it is That they are trying to teach you and show you So I mean, do you have any parting words for our awesome viewers? um I think for me One of the most difficult things with grief is that I had this very irrational um belief subconscious belief that If I allowed myself to feel that it would kill me And um You know, I didn't realize that I had that belief until I actually Decided okay I'm gonna allow myself to feel this And I leaned into it and I allowed myself to feel like the full extent of the emotion that was coming up And this beautiful thing happened Well, a I didn't die um And b it came to a peak And then it it passed and there was this incredible piece that took its place And it's like oh Okay and It just I just had to come to a point where um It was inescapable. It was like I either have to feel this allow it to flow through me Or it's just going to keep knocking at my door and I'm going to be miserable for lord knows how long um So and I and I think that this can be really difficult more so difficult for men You know because typically the only acceptable emotion for men to have is anger And so I think a lot of men have anger issues because you know, that's what's acceptable You see a little boy crying and a lot of time their parents or caregivers will be like Come on toughen up, you know or um Don't be a sissy or something along those lines even well-meaning um people will say things Uh to to children especially boys um along those lines and so You know if you're a man if you're watching this, um, you have stuff coming up just allow it just allow it you know go Smash bottles over a cinder block or you know if you have a safe space to punch a hole in the wall do that or Um, you know just go somewhere and yell and cry and just let it out. You know, it's okay It's okay to do that stuff punch a pillow scream in a pillow Do something, you know, express yourself in a healthy manner But express it You gotta let it out or it's just gonna keep building the the thing that triggered me That gave me this realization that I am in this grief process was this meditation from um, one of the classes in my a course in miracles academy And they had you walking down a stairway into your heart space And as I I was watching myself walk down the stairway into my heart space and when I got into my heart space there was this endless sea of carnage and death and blood and guts and beasts and I got that I got down in there and I'm like What is this? I was so confused And it was so shocking Um, I had to turn my camera off in the class and I started crying and I cried uncontrollably for two hours And what god was showing me was that All of the trauma and the stories of this character I was holding it I'm holding it in my heart space that it makes sense to me because my My arms and my chest and my upper back is where I carry all of my extra weight And I've struggled with that for a very very long time So, you know, this stuff is just just very eye-opening. Um, so if it comes up just allow it If you if you're in a place that doesn't feel good Know that that doesn't matter don't attach to it as being bad or you're not far enough along yet or Um, you're not where you're supposed to be You know, uh ascension is not linear. It's a spiral And you go you have these periods of up and you have these periods of of down and And if you if you feel like you are In the depths just know that your roots are growing deeper so that you can grow a taller and reach higher into heaven So, yeah If you're going through hell, don't stop I wasn't speaking of Winston Churchill. He said if you're going through hell keep going And it's like I have to you know It's There is that beauty It's like the alchemist of pala coilo where he goes on his journey from spain to egypt to find his treasure And he gets to egypt and he realizes his treasure is back in spain Which is all a metaphor that it's and that's all the the whole time And he goes through these whole things before he gets to egypt and he's all frustrated like god Why did you send me to egypt? You know my my Personal treasures back at home and god goes but weren't the pyramids beautiful I can enjoy it just enjoy there are there are sides of hell that are really beautiful I enjoy it, you know Be there in that humanly moment and cindy. Do you have any closing words? I'm going to read a little something when we close off, but cindy. Do you have any parting words for all of our No, I think I left it with the whole body thing Yeah, and it's just just reiterating yes that let it process and your body's not a place to Hold it give yourself permission to To feel what you need to feel and you're not going to die. It's yeah Listen if you if you if you feel something it's feeling something in your class kills you that's really bad for us, so Just keep that to yourself. I'm just kidding Speaking of that being said guys even though we have links on the shadow work for cindy's class I am going to you can look on our youtube channel for some of her yoga classes But I will put the sacred garden yoga website in the description box as well And just like some of you guys take my class on sundays you can take cindy's class too So if you want to sign up and take one of her in real life classes virtually If you don't live in georgia if you live close to atlanta or marietta you can always come in for a class We've got a few students that came in through this channel. So that's awesome But you can always take her virtual class as well. Just remember we're on east coast time. So Calculate that according to where you are in the world, but I wanted to read this this came up today We're doing the sophia code on solutions with aquarius rising Africa and something told me just to read this last part of chapter four this last paragraph May you receive our radical love empowering the divine feminine christ consciousness awakening within you So the light of sophia may shine a thousand suns over your sacred heart It's always your sovereign choice to receive our support Thank you for opening your heart and allowing that makes me emotional and allowing us to serve you and that is How does the heart open it gets open by being cracked open the more My heart cracks the more it breaks the more the light can shine through And so you guys got this and if it gets to the point where something is really overwhelming Please reach out for support. I've been very honest. I've gone through trauma therapy. I freaking love trauma therapy. Listen When I ended trauma therapy, I didn't want to go. I was like, no, I'm not healed yet. Let's keep going Because eventually therapists will say you're good now. You can go. I'm like, I'm not I want to keep coming back Therapy is awesome Of course any and Cindy are both reiki masters and there's Obviously a lot of natural other healings if you're not comfortable with therapy There's so many other resources out there A lot of you guys are in the signal group. You're welcomed if you're not the signal group to join where there's just People in there that you can sometimes you just need a friend to talk to sometimes you just needed like Tell a stranger who's your friend at gazillion miles away what's happening so that you can start to release that And so that's an incredible support group. I love everyone in there. So There's so many resources out there I'm going to put the book that Cindy recommended as well. I'm going to put the link to that in the description box too. So All right, ladies. Thank you so much Next time we're going to talk about no, it's good. We're going to we're going to talk about parties things like that now, um I think this was an incredible episode and if our if our viewers watching want to join this round table discussion if there's any Thing you want to add in the comment section stuff you've been through stuff that helped you process then let us know You know, we're as wrong doc says we're all just walking each other home. So All right, you guys, we'll all talk to you soon. Bye everybody Bye