 Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, now I chose Asmaa bint Abu Bakr because when I was thinking about you know who do I want to learn from and there's so many incredible women in our in our tradition but I realized I had very limited knowledge about her and I thought like what do I know about her as you know someone who's clearly a figure in our tradition and she and I thought there's only a handful maybe two stories that I can think of so I intentionally chose her because I wanted to learn more about her and this is where you know for all of you to keep in mind we are students of knowledge you know we we sit up here we might seem like we're you know in this position of teaching but we are actually always learning and I know that we're always learning so for me I'm so grateful for these programs because they allow me the opportunity to also learn so I am excited to share what I have learned about this extraordinary example for all of us so she is Asmaa of course the daughter of Sayyidina Abu Bakr as well as Qutayla bin Abdul Azza and she was the first wife of Sayyidina Abu Bakr she did not become Muslim so they actually divorced before the Prophet's license mission began so she's the half sister of of course our mother Sayyidina Ayesha of Allah and whose mother was Umrah man so just important things to know because sometimes you hear that they're sisters but that distinction is important now according to Ibn Qatiyar Asmaa of Allah was about 10 years older than Ayesha of Allah and but others like Imam of the Habib say that it was a much bigger wide wider age gap between 13 and 19 years so Allah knows but she embraced Islam at 11 years old are there any 11 year olds here anybody 11 10 in that range anybody has a daughter that's 10 11 I just think about I mean I have a 10 year old soon to be 11 think about what a precious time that is and that you know subhanAllah through her father of course she embraced this faith and I just thought wow she you know it's such a young tender age she um the faith you know entered her heart she's considered again there's a difference of opinion to be the 15th some say 17th some say 18th person to become Muslim in the earlier community so she was prominent from the very beginning she was there and she was like all the earlier converts they would gather in Dar al-Arqam and study with the Prophet's life Salaam and in those earlier years we don't know much about her life but we do know that she marries another very important person who is and who is he he is the son of Ibn Khuelid who is the brother of Sayyidina Khadija our mother so making him her nephew Sayyidina Khadija's nephew and then his mother is Safiyah who is the Prophet's wife's aunt so that makes him the first cousin to the Prophet's life Salaam so she marries someone again from this incredibly noble from both mother and father her lineage is very noble and he is also considered the fourth or fifth male adult to become Muslim in that earlier community so just an amazing pairing and of course he just FYI he goes on to be part of the ashara mubashara the ten who are promised jannah so her husband is again an incredible and he has his own story which one day inshallah maybe we can go into but the Sayyidina Mubakat also brought him by by the way also to Islam so it's kind of it's really sweet right like the man who would go on to be his daughter's husband came to Islam through him as well really beautiful now their beginnings as a couple were were difficult like many of that earlier generation they didn't have very much and Zubair al Awam was known for having just one possession when he came to ask for her hand which was a horse he didn't have much else other than this horse but of course his character and that's why Sayyidina Mubakat gave him his daughter because of his incredible character so they had very humble beginnings and asma talks about that in her you know in her hadith that she she related some hadith which we'll get to but in some of those hadiths she talks about the challenges that she had as his wife and just you know the struggles of the life that they had the hardships and the poverty that they endured so during right before the hijra or at that time she becomes pregnant with her first son another very notable in our tradition of the life and as Zubair al Adi Allah and so she becomes pregnant with him and this is when the Prophet said him and said Nabubakar flee right we know the story that they go to seek protection in Thor and for three days and three nights and so they're looking to keep this obviously under wrap with only trusted people and you know it's a very you know secret mission but she steps up to the plate of taking on the responsibility as a pregnant woman in her third trimester anybody here in their third trimester anybody oh mashallah so we have one a couple of sisters now I want you to think about this you know we those of us who have had children we know what the third trimester is like you can barely walk you know a few steps without needing a break right your back is hurting you've got a lot of things going on so just I just was floored when you read the description of what she did in that state we have to remember I mean we're talking about the middle of the desert Mecca leaving the outskirts with people seeking to kill the Prophet said him and her father but she steps up knowing that she is also with child and she clearly is in her act showing where her love and her priorities and her hearts are she wants to protect the messenger of Allah and she wants to protect her father even at the risk of her own life and her own child's life so this is an extraordinary woman who goes out I want you to take a guess does anyone know how far Ghadr Thor is from Mecca how far anybody get take a guess and use miles you know everything I read was like kilometers I'm like I'm an American I don't I don't know kilometers so miles please anybody miles what do you think how many miles how many 20 miles mashallah anybody else any other guesses 10 very close close seven miles seven miles she would walk it took her about two hours in the blazing sun as a third as a pregnant woman in her third trimester and this is where you know she again stepped up to the challenge and what was her purpose she she took them provisions and she acquired this beautiful nickname because when she was putting together the provisions she didn't have anything this is again to show you how little they had she had nothing else to tie the water you know the water what is it called the the leather water pouch there's a term for it but she didn't have anything to tie that or the food so what did she do at that time the women used to wear a waistband that would you know prevent their dresses from falling so she took that waistband and she tore it into two and this is where she got the nickname that that's when the taqeen right which is referring to the the woman of two waistbands because when the Prophet saw what she had done when he when she came and she's you know to untie her you know waistbands and giving them the provisions he made a beautiful dot for her and he said indeed Allah has given you so the words are important to to pay attention to indeed Allah has given you in exchange for these waistbands two waistbands in paradise so he is indicating to her that she is in jannah she is guaranteed jannah which is a again an extraordinary gift so subhanAllah this is her sacrifice and she was again willing to take that you know that trek into the desert risking her own life two hours two hours there two hours coming back four hours for three days right now fast forward she alhamdulillah you know makes hijrah as well and on her way to medina she delivers her baby that's how close to delivery she was and she delivers in quba and this was a really great extraordinary moment for the muslims there because at that point the jews were you know they were they had spread this rumor that they were cursing the muslims so that they would nobody would ever have a baby in medina so she was her son Abdullah ibn Zubayr was the first infant to be born in medina as a muslim so again another great honor for her and so the muslims are of course celebrating his birth now again for those of us who have had children before instinctually we know immediately you get the baby whether you're at the hospital or at home or however the birth is and your instinct as a mother is to latch on nurse so i want you to imagine how much strength it takes for a mother to again think of like what is best for my baby instinctually i feel like i need to nurse him but she was aware that what was better for her infant was to send him to who none other than rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for him to perform tahneek which is the process of taking a date and mixing it with his saliva and breaking off a piece and putting it in the mouth of the infant so that it promotes well-being and health and of course any any mixture of his noble mubarak mubarak saliva is is she fast for him so she did that and you know again just put yourself in her place like to to know these things and to separate yourself from your child upon birth it's not easy to do for everybody but of course these are people who had a greater understanding subhanAllah so she goes on in medina to become again a devoted wife a devoted mother she bears seven more children subhanAllah i mean i have two and to me i i'm like when i see anybody with two or more i really i'm just like in awe but to imagine seven subhanAllah and again in a time of immense difficulty but she went on and she did it mashaAllah and she spent her time just serving serving her family she was known to be incredibly charitable this is one of her qualities that even her own son Abdullah and he in a hadith noted about her he said that i have never known two more generous women other than my aunt aisha radiAllah and her and my own mother asma now he made a really great observation and how they were different in their charity and again i want you to think about who matches your style more so i said radiAllah anha she was the type that would collect a good amount of money right so it's like she's saving saving saving and then once she saved or whatever it was maybe it was food then she would go and distribute it but she had this habit of wanting to save it first and then at once give it away right so think are you do you follow that or do you follow asma's example radiAllah anha which was to give it away immediately so she didn't hold on to anything that was given to her if it was an excess she wanted to always give it away right away so some of us you know we we operate differently but it's really nice to try to connect like where would i be in this spectrum right and so um her uh situation as she you know lived with a zubair and madina and they you know grew their family actually turned around completely he became one of the wealthiest men of madina and then later mecca after the fatah so she was known then for feeding the poor and anytime she got sick which is a really good tip for us to think about i remember my mother allel hamha anytime there was anything that happened to the family her instinct was always sadaqa she always had shed we had a you know on the mantle um above the fireplace in her previous home she had a quran and then she would have a place right next to it that she would put her money that she was going to give for sadaqa but it was her habit anybody's sick anything happens uh god forbid a car accident and this was the way um and so how many of us do that and how many of us think again as soon as something befalls us that we need to look to purifying our our wealth and and seeking allah subhanAllah's help and also thinking of other people benefiting other people right it's very natural to think of yourself and want to preserve yourself in those situations but subhanAllah um you know people of a greater understanding again knew that no you want to take care of others so this was her way as well and she would feed the sick and she would free the slaves so this was her habit if she was ever sick she was also known for teaching fiqh of hajj for the uh during the hajj season and these are the facts that just you know for your information she narrated a total of five hadith alhamdulillah um and you can you know if you're ever reading books you might see you know narrated by asma which is an incredible honor we really have to think about the fact that you know there are so many people around the process of them but not everybody is in the hadith collections and here she is narrating five hadith she also is a warrior on top of all of this she's fought in the battle of yarmouk uh later on in life subhanAllah so she was an she was actually on the battlefield and they said she was a fierce warrior and anybody want to take a guess what age she reached before she passed just throw out a number an idea older older than 90 years old a hundred years old and subhanAllah the climax of her story and right before she passed away is one of the most incredible things i've ever read her exchange with her own son i just you just can't help but just be so in awe and humbled by these women because again we live in a time where where we don't have these living examples i mean i'm sure there's beautiful women everywhere but these stories these epic stories uh bat fighting battles you know raising seven children suffering through famine and so many other things um sanctions and then to also live to a hundred years old but i'll get to that point in a moment about her her end of her life so there are few really key lessons from her life that i just felt were really important to know in addition to all that we just shared the first as was mentioned in the description of this talk was the hadith that a lot of us may associate with asma bintabi bakr radi allah which is the narration where she entered the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam's home this is according to aisha radi allah hannah her sister and she was wearing a thin garment okay a see through garment and at that time the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam this was again before the aya of hijab was revealed but she the prophet turned away from her and then he said to her oh asma when a woman reaches the age of maturity it is not proper for her to show anything but this and this and that was referring to her hands and her face so this hadith is really important for us to think about as women for obviously the context because we live in a time as we know women are exploited constantly and women's fashion even what has been introduced in the you know fashion of muhajjabat many things would be considered inappropriate and we have to just be real we have very clear boundaries in our sharia about what is acceptable and what isn't and this is why this hadith is something we have to pay attention to so when you get dressed you have to think about would i be someone that the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam would turn away from based on what i'm wearing right now i i mean i would i think that would be the most mortifying thing ever i would do anything for him to have a one glance of his so is it worth it to wear the yoga pants no sisters it is not is it worth it to wear the see through things that show your shape just because you want to keep up with the fashion trends and look really this or that no if it compromises you're standing with allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wasallam it is not worth it and that is why i so appreciate the grace and the beauty that asmaa she said she was in submission she was in submission she accepted it she didn't challenge the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam and that's why we have to pay attention to the language of today of the modern zeitgeist it's all around these themes that are alien to our tradition she wasn't triggered when he said that she didn't take offense and personalize it and you know say oh the patriarchy she understood this is the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wasallam he his entire life is for my salvation so if he's going to tell me something to do or not to do i will accept it and she accepted it and then you know the the the mufasirin say that shortly after um the the verse of uh you know hijab was revealed and the specific hadith relates to verse 31 where allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says except for what is apparent he goes you know tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity and not to reveal their adornments except for what is apparent so it's she's she had you know subhanallah apart in this beautiful verse being revealed to us so she's again an extraordinary example for us and so we want to think about that when we are if our spouses or if our parents are challenging the way we dress we have to think about what is their intention sometimes it could be control and there's no real you know noble intention it's just control but other times it actually is for your betterment and it's good to question why not just what they're saying but why are they saying that to me you know is it for some ulterior motive or is it really because they're looking out for me and nine times out of ten is shala because you have we we want to always have the best of opinion of our parents and our family members and our loved ones they are looking out for us we just need to accept that and not question and have you know these doubts about everyone which is what again the modern zeitgeist does it just promotes this you know constant you know friction between us so really powerful story about that and there's there's more but for the sake of time i'll go to the next point which is her this is also another really incredible lesson we can take from asma asma was amazingly brave and courageous she had real courage she spoke out when whenever there was you know i mean we already saw mashallah what she did in terms of protecting the process but even speaking to people and having the emotional intelligence and wisdom to know how to say certain things effectively which is a tool something we all need to learn this is why grammar matters rhetoric matters our liberal arts matter because we have to be empowered with language to be able to say things effectively and she and her discourse and her dialogue she was incredibly wise so there's a story of her grandfather so who is the father of sainab abu bakr his name is abu khaafa so he did had not yet accepted islam when the process of abu bakr migrated to medina he was still a non-muslim so he was really hurt that they fled because his grandchildren are left in in his son's home without in his estimation any care and he kind of came into the house and said to his grandchildren oh your father's left you in a really terrible situation he's taken all his money at that point abu bakr took all of his money which some say was around six thousand dirham or dinar to help the muslims so he took his wealth with him and so when her grandfather walks in seeing the situation of his grandchildren he immediately you know says these things in a way to bring doubt into their hearts about you know the what their father did but she had so much later for her father as well as the image of islam and the muslims that what did she do he was blind okay so he was blind so she went and she quickly gathered a little bag and she put pebbles in it like stones and then she put it in an area and covered it and she took her grandfather by the hand she said no grandfather he didn't leave us without anything look touch this this is all the money he left us so he was like oh okay in that case then there's no blame if he left all of that for you but she had this beautiful reda again to protect the image of her father protect the image of the prophet said and the muslims to do that and then another story comes out of when she was in medina so now fast forward seven years after she's uh she's left and she is in medina she's an established mother has her own family what happens her own mother remember her own mother potato who had not yet accepted islam she's still and she dies in that state all the but i was she visits the visits her and she brings with her all of these treats and food and like ghee and raisins and other foods and she wants to give all of these gifts to her daughter now it smells conflicted right she's like wait a second even though you're my mother you're still on the other side of this and i need to make sure this is okay for me to even accept you as my guest and accept your gifts so she had again that wisdom and that um raida deep raida for for her faith to go and ask the prophet through her sister isha can i accept my mother even though she is not a muslim and she's brought me all of these gifts and this is also really relevant okay how many of you are converts in this room now allahu akbar may allah protect and preserve all of you and inshallah bring hidaya to all of your loved ones we had a sister here i don't know if she's here i don't want to call her out but she was here yesterday for our liquor that we did and her heart was really heavy she's a convert and she said i have no support system and this is the situation of many of our convert sisters which is why it's so important that we hold space with one another and that we bring our convert sisters and brothers into our communities and make sure that they never ever in their life feel that they have no support system but we all of us and especially our converts you owe asma bin sabi bakar a lot for what she's did in this exchange because because of her and this situation with her mother and seeking the advice of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam the ayah was revealed which is allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes surely allah loves those who are fair this is chapter 60 verse 8 this ayah was revealed to reassure everyone whose family and loved ones have not yet adopted the faith that you can still have them in your life you can still have a beautiful relationship with them as long as they're not forcing you out of their homes or torturing you or doing anything like that to you know again bring them into your homes and and treat them with the same love and dignity and respect he gave that permission and so she was relieved and she accepted her mother but another again incredible story that we get from asma the third is the story that she had with um just such a powerful story subhanallah so again we're going to rewind a little bit when she didn't have a lot and you know her husband was struggling and they had this horse at that time in her life she did a lot she was the she would go out early and get water for the horse feed the horse bring it fodder she would walk it she would go and get um date seeds and they would they would at that time crush it and it was a very labor intensive life and um at one point she had to walk about two miles to do this process of crushing these date stones and then they would carry these massive things on their head so again try to visualize this she's walking two miles exhausted she's been laboring all day just trying to make it survive and who comes and crosses her path none other than the beloved sallallahu alayhi wasallam and this is his sister-in-law so you know sometimes and this is again something that we should just really appreciate that is lost unfortunately today in the nonverbal communication that can sometimes be really powerful not everything always has to be said sometimes the states and the hearts are communicating so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam sees his sister-in-law in this state without a single word he stops his camel and orders the camel to kneel and then he's he makes a sound or if something to that effect which was an indication to her like come on i got you sit sit on the camel i'm gonna take you the rest of the way he had this compassion for his sister-in-law seeing her in this state but subhanAllah and i want you to see what she does this is again emotional intelligence of a wife and a woman who is using her intellect to assess the situation there's all these men here the prophet systems here i could really use a ride right but my husband is jealous i can't do it without words without any words what does she do she just stands there and the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam again he knows the hearts no communication they just understood each other he understood that her shyness meant she wasn't going to get on and he just proceeded forward and she went home rushed home to tell her husband about this whole incident what happened because she wanted to be transparent we and we have to again apply this in the modern context a lot of things are happening in spaces private and marriages and lives all over the place and everybody's all about privacy now give me a break you're married transparency you should have you know access to to one another's you know whatever is is public right but this idea that no i can do my own thing and i don't have to share so just let's learn from her she wanted to again show her husband that i honored you in your absence so she tells him what happened and his response is also really beautiful because it just gives us insight that they actually cared about one another and it wasn't this whole you know power game all the time like i want this and i want that they weren't about that they were about the hearts so he told her he said by Allah you're carrying the date stones and you being seen by the prophets that i'm on with that you know with it on your head in such a state is more shameful to me than you having taken a ride with him so he's letting her know like i'm pained that you were in this that i've put you in this situation i don't care about that but they were so considerate of one another's feelings so we have to think about that in the context of you know who are we um are we you know again not sharing certain things with our spouses or are we taking these positions that are not really thoughtful about one another's feelings and this applies to the brothers too i hope they're watching this it's or will watch it at some point but you know if your wife asks you not to uh socialize with certain people it's respect that you honor that request and vice versa and i think we just have to you know uh take take that uh you know nasiha from this but she prioritized her husband's feelings in that incident and then quickly because i know we have um oh sure thank you just like to often know set the father myself she's awesome she reminded me to define the word ghayra ghayra is a type of jealousy but it is a beautiful jealousy right it's feeling that you know you're to want to protect the honor of something or someone so that's what what that word means i'm in it applied to the story before but she had immense aid and she was known for that um i'm sorry what how much time do i have i just don't want to just so i know what is it like am i done five minutes okay well i'll try to finish this up as quickly as i can um that it's just she's got so many gems from her stories upon a lot but we received two really important hadith from her that warned about ingratitude so that's why i think she's such a great role model for all of us she this is from her own narration so she reports that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam passed by a group of women in the mosque one day we're a group of women okay just imagine this we're all here we're remembering all of us and the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam walks by and he waves so beautiful what probably with the right hand he waved with his hand to greet them with peace and then he said this is his nasiha to the women beware of ingratitude to those who bless you beware of ingratitude to those who bless you and we know that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam when he repeated something he was driving a point home he was trying to penetrate the hearts and one of the women said oh messenger of Allah i seek refuge in Allah o prophet of Allah from being ungrateful to Allah and you know she's seeking like what explain and he says rather one of you will be widowed for a long time throughout her middle years then Allah provides her with a husband and he benefits her with a child the joy of her life then she gets very angry and she swears by Allah saying i've never one good i've never had one good moment with you that is in gratitude to the blessings of Allah that is in gratitude to those who bless her that's one and then another hadith she also narrates that the messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said spend in charity and do not count it lest Allah counted against you do not hoard it lest Allah withhold you from from you so we learned again her way according to her son was she would just give it away so she's teaching us be in a state of gratitude don't deny blessings don't magnify incidents because these are shapeonic you know thoughts when you magnify an incident and it overshadows a lifetime or years of experiences this is what thank you thank you this is in gratitude directly because shaitan wants you to hyper again focus on one thing that was said to you one thing that was done to you and that you negate everything else may Allah protect us from that we never want to fall under the category of those who are ungrateful in fact we want the opposite we always want because you know the opposite of gratitude is kufr so may Allah protect us from that and then to spend in charity and to give away without counting so this is really great nasiha sometimes you know we are in positions where we might have to give and if you're the type who is worried about giving away your wealth this comes from again a lack of understanding may Allah increase us and understanding that never are we losing when we give for the sake of that never is it a loss it is always a gain it is always an investment so we want to you know really fight do that much ahead enough that we give if it if you feel the impulse just give and don't think twice about it don't let that internal conversation have well maybe i'll just do half this time and i can do it another time and no nafs shaitan work together to try to you know prevent you from getting the maximum reward so she's teaching us right spend don't count it because then Allah will count it against you and then finally and this is what i wanted to end on um i mentioned one incident where she spoke to a tyrant of her time they call him the fraun of our umma abu jahl right um or i might i might not have given you the detail sorry i think i mentioned it but i didn't get the detail so here's the detail of what happened abu jahl during the time when the Prophet said and said nabbu bakr were missing he stormed into her house and he demanded from her where are they tell me where are they and i want you to again imagine she's a pregnant woman pregnant so vulnerable there's no protector her father is not there she stands up to him says i'm not telling you anything i don't know anything he slapped her so hard on her face that her earring fell off and she still stood firm in front of him and he realized i can't get anything out of her and he left so that's one incident earlier in her life at a hundred years old her son abdel ebn subair was uh executed and crucified by al-hajjaj ibn yusuf at hundred years old and right before this incident happened where he was executed they have this beautiful exchange her mother and son he actually goes to her seeking counsel on what to do because he knew that if he fights al-hajjaj he's going to be killed so he didn't know should he surrender should he fight him and this is a mother talking to her son knowing that she's sending him to certain death and she basically says to him i would much rather you die a noble death than go and you know basically be beholden to this tyrant so she it gives him this encouragement and this nasiha and it's his beautiful back and forth and then he says to her you know about being afraid he's vulnerable this is his mother and he says to her i'm scared about being crucified after death and she says skinning a slaughtered goat does not bring it pain off you go and seek Allah's help a hundred years old sending her son to do the right thing and he she noticed that he was wearing armor and she said what what are you wearing take that off that's not the clothing of someone who's going in to martyrdom you have to stand firm so she gave her son that encouragement because she knew that that was you know his he was already promised jannah she knew where he was going and she wanted to give him that you know fight like end his life in the in this beautiful way and not to cower to this tyrant now al-hajjaj of course being who he was he wanted to taunt her so he did he taunted her and he called he went and send one of his minions to go get her and said come face me you know what did i do to your son basically taunting this a hundred year old woman and she refused to see him and then he doubled down and said if you don't come i'm gonna drag you by your two braids and again she was firm and defiant she's not gonna capitulate to him finally he had no choice but to go to her and you know again he's trying to taunt her and she says to him something so powerful remember this she says you may have ruined my son's dunya but he has ruined your akhara allahu akbar allahu akbar allahu akbar that is who asma bint ebi bakar was she was an incredible force a loving mother a devoted wife daughter sister-in-law everything and she had this life of a hundred years Allah gave her and now alhamdulillah here we are celebrating her life inshallah i'm so honored again to have learned about her life with all of you and i hope you'll learn more about her and all of the other wonderful sahabiya and women around our prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as we usher in this mubarak month of rabbi al-awwal jaza kumallahu khayran wa salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh look it's so good