 CHAPTER III WILKINS ONE The early adventures of Alderman Machin of Bursley at Wilkins Hotel London were so singular and to him so refreshing that they must be recounted in some detail. He went to London by the morning express from night, on the Monday week after his visit to the music hall. In the meantime he had had some correspondence with Mr. Bryony, more poetic than precise, about the option, and had informed Mr. Bryony that he would arrive in London several days before the option expired, but he had not given the definite date. The whole affair, indeed, was amusingly vague, and despite his assurances to his wife that the matter was momentous, he did not regard his trip to London as a business trip at all, but rather as a simple freakish change of air. The one certain item in the whole situation was that he had in his pocket a quite considerable sum of actual money, destined, he hoped, but was not sure, to take up the option at the proper hour. Nearly impeccable to the last accompanied him in the motor to snipe, the main-line station. The drive, superficially pleasant, was in reality very disconcerting to him. For nine days the household had talked in apparent cheerfulness of father's visit to London, as though it were an occasion for joy on father's behalf, tempered by affection at sorrow for his absence. The official theory was that all was for the best in the best of all possible homes, and this theory was admirably maintained, and yet everybody knew, even to Maisie, that it was not so, everybody knew that the master and the mistress of the home, calm and sweet as was their demeanour, were contending in a terrific silent and mysterious altercation, which in some way was connected with the visit to London. So far as Edward Henry was concerned, he had been hoping for some decisive event, a tone, gesture, glance, pressure, during the drive to night, which offered the last chance of a real concord. Although such event occurred, they conversed with the same false cordiality as had marked their relations since the evening of the dog-bite. On that evening Nelly had suddenly transformed herself into a distressingly perfect angel, and not once had she descended from her high estate. At least daily she kissed him, what kisses, kisses that were not kisses, tasteless mockeries, like non-alcoholic ale. He could have killed her, but he could not put a finger on a fault in her marvellous wifely behaviour. She would have died victorious. So that his freakish excursion was not starting very auspiciously, and waiting with her for the train on the platform at night, he felt this more and more. His old clerk, Penkithman, was there to receive certain final instructions on thrift-club matters, and the sweetness of Nelly's attitude towards the ancient man, and the ancient man's naïve pleasure therein, positively maddened Edward Henry. To such an extent that he began to think, is she going to spoil my trip for me? Then Brindley came up, Brindley, too, was going to London, and Nelly's saccharine assurance is to Brindley that Edward Henry really needed to change, just about completed Edward Henry's desperation. Not even the uproarious advent of two jolly wholesale grocers, Monsieur's garvin and quarrel, also going to London, could effectually lighten his pessimism. When the train steamed in, Edward Henry, in fear, postponed the ultimate kiss as long as possible. He allowed Brindley to climb before him into the second-class compartment, and purposely tarried in finding change for the porter, and then he turned to Nelly and stooped. She raised her white veil, and raised the angelic face. They kissed, the same false kiss, and she was withdrawing her lips, but suddenly she put them again to his for one second, with a hysterical, clinging pressure. It was nothing. Nobody could have noticed it. She herself pretended that she had not done it. Edward Henry had to pretend not to notice it, but to him it was everything. She had relented. She had surrendered. The sign had come from her. She wished him to enjoy his visit to London. He said to himself, "-Dashed if I don't write to her every day." He lent out of the window as the train rolled away, and waved and smiled to her, not concealing his sentiments now. Nor did she conceal hers, as she replied with exquisite pantomime to his signals. But if the train had not been rapidly and infallibly separating them, the reconciliation could scarcely have been thus open. If for some reason the train had backed into the station and ejected its passengers, those two would have covered up their feelings again in an instant, such his human nature in the five towns. When Edward Henry withdrew his head into the compartment, Brindley and Mr. Garvin, the latter standing at the corridor door, observed that his spirits had shot up in the most astonishing manner, and in their blindness they attributed the phenomenon to Edward Henry's delight in a temporary freedom from domesticity. Mr. Garvin had come from the neighbouring compartment, which was first class, to suggest a game at Bridge. Monsieur's Garvin and Quarrel journeyed to London once a week, and sometimes offener, and being traders they had special season tickets. They travelled first class because their special season tickets were first class. Brindley said he didn't mind a game, but that he had not the slightest intention of paying excess fare for the privilege. Mr. Garvin told him to come along, and trust in Monsieur's Garvin and Quarrel. Edward Henry, not nowadays an enthusiastic card player, enthusiastically agreed to join the hand, and announced that he did not care if he paid forty excess fares, whereupon Robert Brindley grumbled enviously that he was of any well-familiarnares. They followed Mr. Garvin into the first class compartment, and it soon appeared that Mrs. Garvin and Quarrel did in fact own the train, and that the London and north-western railway was no more than their wash-part. "'Blingeth a caution from somewhere, will ye?' said Mr. Quarrel casually to a ticket collector, who entered, and the resplendent official obeyed. The long cushion, wrapped from another compartment, was placed on the knees of the quartet, and the game began. The ticket collector examined the tickets of Brindley and Edward Henry, and somehow failed to notice that they were of the wrong colour, and at this, the proof of their influential greatness, Mrs. Garvin and Quarrel were both secretly proud. The last rubber finished in the neighbourhood of Willsdon, and Edward Henry, having won eighteen pence-happily, was exuberantly content, for Mrs. Garvin, Quarrel and Brindley were all renowned card-players. The cushion was thrown away, and a fitful conversation occupied the few remaining minutes of the journey. "'Where'd ye put up?' Brindley asked Edward Henry. "'Majestic,' said Edward Henry. "'Where do you do?' "'Yoh, Kingsway, I suppose.' The Majestic and the Kingsway were two of the half-dozen very large and very mediocre hotels in London, which, from causes which nobody, and especially no American, has ever been able to discover, are particularly affected by Midland Provincials on the Jaunt. Both had an immense reputation in the Five Towns. There was nothing new to say about the Majestic and the Kingsway, and the talk flagged until Mr. Quarrel mentioned Seven Sacks. The mighty Seven Sacks, in his world-famous play, Overheard, had taken precedence of all other topics in the Five Towns during the previous week. He had crammed the theatre, and half emptied the Empire Music Hall for six nights. A wonderful feat. Incidentally, his fifteen hundredth appearance in Overheard had taken place in the Five Towns, and the Five Towns had found in this fact a peculiar satisfaction, as though some deep merit had thereby been acquired or rewarded. Seven Sacks's tour was now closed, and on the Sunday he had gone to London en route for America. I heard he stops at Wilkins, said Mr. Garvin. Wilkins, your grandmother, Brindley, essayed to crush Mr. Garvin. Oh, don't say he does stop at Wilkins, said Mr. Garvin, an individual not easy to crush. I only said I heard as he did. They wouldn't have him. Brindley insisted firmly. Mr. Quarrel, at any rate, seemed tacitly to agree with Brindley. The august's name of Wilkins was, in its essence, so exclusive that vast numbers of fairly canny provincials had never heard of it. Ask ten well-informed provincials which is the first hotel in London, and nine of them would certainly reply, the Grand Babylon. Not that even wealthy provincials from the industrial districts are in the habit of staying at the Grand Babylon. No, Edward Henry, for example, had never stayed at the Grand Babylon. No more than he had ever brought a first-class ticket on a railroad. The idea of doing so had scarcely occurred to him. There are certain ways of extravagant smartness which are not considered to be good form among solid, wealthy provincials. Why travel first class, they argue, when second is just as good, and no one can tell the difference once you got out of the train. Why ate the tricks of another stratum of society? They like to read about the dinner parties and supper parties at the Grand Babylon, but they are not emulous, and they do not imitate. At their most adventurous they would lunch or dine in the neutral region of the Grill-Roo at the Grand Babylon. As for Wilkins's, in Devonshire Square, which is infinitely better known among princes than in the five towns, and whose name is affectionately pronounced with a V by half the monarchs of Europe, few industrial provincials had ever seen it. The class which is the backbone of England left its serenely alone to royalty and the aristocratic parasites of royalty. I do not see why they should not have him, said Edward Henry, as he lifted a challenging nose in the air. Perhaps you do not, Alderman, said Brindley. I would not mind going to Wilkins, Edward Henry persisted. I'd like to see you, said Brindley, with Kurt's corn. Well, said Edward Henry, I'll bet you a fiver I do. Had he not won 18 pence Hapney, and was he not securely at peace with his wife? I don't bet fivers, said the cautious Brindley, but I'll bet you half a crown. Done, said Edward Henry. When will you go? Either to-day or to-morrow, I must go to the majestic first because I've ordered a room and so on. Ha! Hurdled Brindley, as if to insinuate that Edward Henry was seeking to escape from the consequences of his boast. And yet he ought to have known Edward Henry. He did know Edward Henry, and he hoped to lose his half-crown. On his face, and on the faces of the other two, was the cheerful admission, that tales of the doings of Alderman Machen, the great local card at Wilkins, if he succeeded in getting in, would be cheap at half a crown. Porters cried out, You stun! Two. It was rather late in the afternoon when Edward Henry arrived in front of the façade of Wilkins. He came in a taxi cab, and though the distance from the majestic to Wilkins is not more than a couple of miles, and he had nothing else to preoccupy him after lunch, he had spent some three hours in the business of transferring himself from the portals of the one hotel to the portals of the other. Two hours and three-quarters of this period of time had been passed in finding courage merely to start. Even so, he had left his luggage behind him. He said to himself that, first of all, he would go and spy out Wilkins. In the perilous work of scouting, he rightly wished to be unhampered by impedimenta. Moreover, in case of repulse or accident, he must have a base of operations upon which he could retreat in good order. He now looked on Wilkins for the first time in his life, and he was even more afraid of it than he had been while thinking about it in the best debacle of the majestic. It was not larger than the majestic, it was perhaps smaller. It could not show more terracotta, plate glass, and sculptured cornice than the majestic, but it had a demeanour. And it was in a square which had a demeanour. In every windowsill, not only of the hotel, but of nearly every mighty house in the square, there were boxes of bright blooming flowers. These he could plainly distinguish in the October dusk, and they were a wonderful phenomenon. Say what you will about the mildness of that particular October. A sublime tranquility reigned over the scene. A livered keeper was locking the gate of the garden in the middle of the square, as if potentates had just quitted it and rendered it for ever sacred. And between the sacred shadowed grove and the inscrutable fronts of the stately houses, there flitted automobiles of the silent and expensive kind, driven by chauffeurs in pale gray or dark purple, who reclined as they steered, and who were supported on their left sides by footmen who reclined as they contemplated the grandeur of existence. Edward Henry's taxicab in that square seemed like a homeless cat that had strayed into a dog-show. At the exact instant when the taxicab came to rest under the massive portico of Wilkins, a chamberlain in white gloves bravely soiled the gloves by seizing the vile brass handle of its door. He bowed to Edward Henry and assisted him to a light onto a crimson carpet. The driver of the taxi glanced with pert and candid scorn at the chamberlain, but Edward Henry looked demurely aside, and then in abstraction mounted the broad carpeted steps. What about poor little May? cried the driver, who was evidently a rivaled socialist or at best a republican. The chamberlain paned, glanced at Edward Henry for support and direction in this crisis. Didn't I tell you I'd keep you? said Edward Henry, raised now by the steps above the driver. Between you and me, you didn't, said the driver. The chamberlain, with an ineffable gesture, wafted the taxicab away into some limbo appointed for waiting vehicles. A page opened a pair of doors, and another page opened another pair of doors, each with eighteen-century ceremonies of deference, and Edward Henry stood at length in the Hall of Wilkins. The sanctuary, then, was successfully defiled, and up to the present nobody had demanded his credentials. He took breath. In its physical aspects Wilkins appeared to him to resemble other hotels, such as the Majestic, and so far he was not mistaken. Once Wilkins had not resembled other hotels. For many years it had deliberately refused to recognize that even the nineteenth century had dawned, and its magnificent antique discomfort had been one of its main attractions to the elect. For the elect desired nothing but their own privileged society in order to be happy in a hotel. A hip bath on a blanket in the middle of the bedroom floor richly sufficed them, providing they could be guaranteed against the calamity of meeting the unelect in the corridors or at the towel-dote. But the rising waters of democracy, the intermixture of classes, had reacted adversely on Wilkins. The fall of the Emperor Maximilian of Mexico had given Wilkins sad food for thought long, long ago, and the obvious general weakening of the monarchical principle had most considerably shaken it. Came the day when Wilkins reluctantly decided that even it could not fight against the tendency of the whole world, and then at one superb stroke it had rebuilt and brought itself utterly up to date. Thus it resembled other hotels, save possibly in the reticence of its advertisements. The Majestic would advertise bathrooms as a miracle of modernity, just as though common dwelling-houses had not possessed bathrooms for the past thirty years. Wilkins had superlative bathrooms, but it said nothing about them. Wilkins would as soon have advertised two hundred bathrooms as two hundred bolsters, and for the new Wilkins a bathroom was not more modern than a bolster. Also other hotels resembled Wilkins. The Majestic too had a chamberlain at its portico and an assortment of pages to prove to its clients that they were incapable of performing the simplest act for themselves. Nevertheless, the difference between Wilkins and the Majestic was enormous, and yet so subtle was it that Edward Henry could not immediately detect where it resided. Then he understood. The difference between Wilkins and the Majestic resided in the theory which underlay its manner, and the theory was that every person entering its walls was of royal blood until he had admitted the contrary. Within the hotel it was already night. Edward Henry self-consciously crossed the illuminated hall which was dotted with fashionable figures. He knew not whether he was going until, by chance, he saw a golden grill with the word reception shining over it in letters of gold. Behind this grill, and still further protected by an impregnable mahogany encounter, stood three young dandies in attitudes of graceful ease. He approached them. The fearful moment was upon him. He had never in his life been so genuinely frightened. Abject disgrace might be his portion within the next ten minutes. Addressing himself to the dandy in the middle, he managed to articulate, Uh, what have you got by way of rooms? Could the five towns have seen him then, as he waited? It would hardly have recognized its card, its character, its mirror of aplomb, and inventive audacity in this figure of provincial and plebeian diffidence. The dandy bowed, Uh, do you want a sweet, sir? Certainly, said Edward Henry, rather too quickly, rather too defiantly. In fact, rather rudely, a habitue would not have so savagely hurled back in the dandy's teeth the insinuation that he wanted only one, paltry room. However, the dandy smiled, accepting with meekness Edward Henry's sudden arrogance, and consulted a sort of pentateuch that was open in front of him. No person in the hall saw Edward Henry's hat fly up into the air and fall back on his head, but in the imagination of Edward Henry this was what his hat did. He was saved. He would have a proud tale for Brindley. The thing was as simple as the alphabet. You just walked in, and they either fell on your neck or kissed your feet. Wilkins, indeed. A very handsome footman, not only in white gloves, but in white calves, was soon supplicating him to dane to enter a lift. And when he emerged from the lift, another dandy, in a frock coat of paradise, was awaiting him with obeisances. Apparently, it had not yet occurred to anybody that he was not the youngest son of some aged king. He was prayed to walk into a gorgeous suite, consisting of a corridor, a noble drawing-room, with a portrait of his Majesty of Spain on the walls, a large bedroom with two satin-wood beds, a small bedroom and a bathroom, all gleaming with patent devices in porcelain and silver that fully equalled those at home. Asked if this suite would do, he said that it would, trying as well as he could to imply that he had seen better. Then the dandy produced a notebook and a pencil and impassively waited. The horrid fact that he was unelect could no longer be concealed. E. H. Machin, Bursley, he said shortly, and added, Alderman Machin. After all, why should he be ashamed of being an alderman? To his astonishment the dandy smiled very cordially, though always with profound respect. Ah, yes, said the dandy. It was as though he had said, we have long wished for the high patronage of this great reputation. E. H. Henry could make nought of it. His opinion of Wilkins went down. He followed the departing dandy up the corridor to the door of the suite in an entirely vain attempt to inquire the price of the suite per day. Not a syllable would pass his lips. The dandy bowed and vanished. E. Henry stood lost at his own door, and his wandering eye caught sight of a pile of trunks near to another door in the main corridor. These trunks gave him a terrible shock. He shut out the rest of the hotel and retired into his private corridor to reflect. He perceived only too plainly that his luggage, now at the majestic, never could come into Wilkins. It was not fashionable enough. It lacked elegance. The lounge suite that he was wearing might serve, but his luggage was totally impossible. Never before had he imagined that the aspect of one's luggage could have the least importance in one's scheme of existence. He was learning, and he frankly admitted that he was in an incomparable mess. Three. At the end of an extensive stroll through and round his new vast domain, he had come to no decision upon a course of action. Certain details of the strange adventure pleased him, as for instance the dandy's welcoming recognition of his name. That, though puzzling, was a sort of comfort to him in his difficulties. He also liked the suite. Nay, more. He was much impressed by its gorgeousness, and such novel complications as the forked electric switches, all of which he turned on, and the double windows one within the other appealed to the domestic expert in him. Indeed, he at once had the idea of doubling the window of the best bedroom at home. To do so would be a fierce blow to the Five Towns Electric Traction Company, which as everybody knows, delighted to keep everybody awake at night and at dawn by means of its late and its early tram-cars. However, he could not wander up and down the glittering solitude of his extensive suite for ever. Something must be done. Then he had the notion of writing to Nelly. He had promised himself to write her daily. Moreover it would pass the time, and perhaps help him to some resolution. He sat down to a delicate Louis XVI desk on which lay a Bible, a peerage, a telephone-book, a telephone, a lamp, and much distinguished stationery. Between the tassled folds of plushy curtains that pleated themselves with the grandeur of painted curtains in a theatre, he glanced out at the lights of Devonshire Square, from which not a sound came. Then he lit the lamp and unscrewed his fountain pen. My dear wife! That was how he always began, whether in storm or sunshine. Nelly always began, my darling husband. But he was not a man to fling darlings about. Few husbands in the five towns are. He thought darling, but he never wrote it, and he never said it, save quizzingly. After these three words the composition of the letter came to a pause. What was he going to tell Nelly? He assuredly was not going to tell her that he had engaged an unpriced suite at Wilkins. He was not going to mention Wilkins. Then he intelligently perceived that the note-paper and also the envelope mentioned Wilkins in no ambiguous manner. He tore up the sheet and searched for plain paper. Now on the desk there was the ordinary hotel stationery, morning stationery, cards, letter cards, and envelopes for every mood, but not a piece that was not embossed with the historic name in royal blue. The which appeared to Edward Henry to point to a defect of foresight on the part of Wilkins. At the gigantic political club to which he belonged, and which he had occasionally visited, in order to demonstrate to himself and others that he was a clubman, plain stationery was everywhere provided for the use of husbands with a taste for reticence. Why not at Wilkins also? On the other hand, why should he not write to his wife on Wilkins' paper? Was he afraid of his wife? He was not. Would not the news ultimately reach Bursley that he had stayed at Wilkins? It would. Nevertheless, he could not find the courage to write to Nellie on Wilkins' paper. He looked around. He was fearfully alone. He wanted the companionship, were it only momentary, of something human. He decided to have a look at the flunky, and he rang a bell. Immediately, just as their wafted leather on a magic carpet from the court of Austria, a gentleman in waiting arrived in the doorway of the drawing-room, planted himself gracefully on his black silk calves and pout. I want some plain note-paper, please. Very good, sir. Oh, perfection of tone and of mean! Three minutes later the plain note-paper and envelopes were being presented to Edward Henry on a salver. As he took them, he looked inquiringly at the gentleman in waiting, who supported his gaze with an impenetrable, invulnerable servility. Edward Henry, beaten off with great loss, thought there's nothing doing here just now in the human companionship-line, and assumed the mask of a hereditary prince. The black calves carried away their immaculate living burden set above all earthly ties. He wrote nicely to Nellie about the weather and the journey, and informed her also that London seemed as full as ever, and that he might go to the theatre, but he wasn't sure. He dated the letter from the majestic. As he was finishing it, he heard mysterious, disturbing footfalls in his private corridor, and after trying for some time to ignore them, he was forced by a vague alarm to investigate their origin. A short, middle-aged, pallid man with a long nose and long moustaches, wearing a red-and-black striped sleeved waistcoat and a white apron, was in the corridor. At the Turk's head such a person would have been the boots, but Edward Henry remembered a notice under the bell, advising visitors to ring once for the waiter, twice for the chain of maid, and three times for the ballet. This then was the ballet. In certain picturesque details of costume Wilkins was coquettishly French. What is it? He demanded. I came to see if your luggage had arrived, sir. No doubt your servant is bringing it. Can I be of any assistance to you? The man thoughtfully twirled one end of his moustache. It was an appalling fault in demeanour. But the man was proud of his moustache. The first human being I've met here, thought Edward Henry, attracted to by a gleam in the eye of this eternal haunter of corridors. His servant. He saw that something must be done, and quickly Wilkins provided vallets for emergencies, but obviously it expected visitors to bring their own vallets in addition. The existence without a private vallet was inconceivable to Wilkins. The fact is, said Edward Henry, I'm in a very awkward situation. He hesitated, seeking to and fro in his mind for particulars of the situation. Sorry to hear that, sir. Yes, a very awkward situation. He hesitated again. I booked passages for myself and my vallet on the minute in Tonka, sailing from Tilbury at noon to-day, and sent him on in front with my stuff, and at the very last moment I've been absolutely prevented from sailing. You see how awkward it is, I haven't a thing here. It is indeed, sir, and I suppose he's gone on, sir. Of course he has. He wouldn't find out till after she'd sailed that I wasn't on board. You know the crush and confusion there is on those big liners just before they start. Edward Henry had once assisted under very dramatic circumstances at the departure of a transatlantic liner from Liverpool. Just so, sir. I've neither servant nor clothes. He considered that so far he was doing admirably. Indeed the tale could not have been bettered, he thought. His hope was that the fellow would not have the idea of consulting the shipping intelligence in order to confirm the departure of the minute onka from Tilbury that day. Probably the minute onka never had sailed and never would sail from Tilbury. Possibly she'd been sold years ago. He had selected the first ship's name that came into his head. What did it matter? My man, he added to clinch, the proper word man, had only just occurred to him, my man can't be back again under three weeks at the soonest. The valet made one half-eager step towards him. If you're wanting a temporary valet, sir, my son's out of a place for the moment, to no fault of his own, he's very good valet, sir, and soon learns a gentleman's ways. Yes, said Edward Henry judiciously, but could he come at once? That's the point. And he looked at his watch, as if to imply that another hour without a valet would be more than human nature can stand. I could have him round here in less than an hour, sir, said the hotel valet, comprehending the gesture. He's at Norwich Mews, Barkley Squareway, sir. Edward Henry hesitated. Very well, then, he said commandingly, send for him. Let me see him. He thought, dash it, I'm at Wilkins, I'll be at Wilkins. Certainly, sir, thank you very much, sir. The hotel valet was retiring when Edward Henry called him back. Stop a moment, I'm just going out. Help me on with my overcoat, will you?" The man jumped. And you might get me a toothbrush, Edward Henry airily suggested, and dive valet over the post. As he walked down Devonshire Square in the dark, he hundered tune, certain sign that he was self-conscious, uneasy, and yet not unhappy. At a small but expensive hosier's in the side street, he bought a shirt and a suit of pyjamas, and also permitted himself to be tempted by a special job line of hair-brushes that the hosier had in his fancy department. Upon hearing the powerful word, Wilkins, the hosier promised, with dispassionate obsequiousness, that the goods should be delivered instantly. Edward Henry cooled his excitement by an extended stroll, and finally re-entered the outer hall of the hotel at half-past seven, and sat down therein to see the world. He knew by instinct that the boldest lounge suit must not, at that hour, penetrate further into the public rooms of Wilkins. The world at its haughtiest was driving up to Wilkins to eat its dinner in the unrivaled restaurant, and often guests staying at the hotel came into the outer hall to greet invited friends. And Edward Henry was so over-faced by visions of woman's brilliance and man's utter correctness that he scarcely knew where to look, so apologetic was he for his gray lounge suit and the creases in his boots. In less than a quarter of an hour he had appreciated with painful clearness that his entire conception of existence had been wrong, and that he must begin again at the beginning. Nothing in his luggage at the majestic would do. His socks would not do, nor his shoes, nor the braid on his trousers, nor his cufflinks, nor his ready-made white bow, nor the number of studs in his shirt front, nor the collar of his coat. Nothing! Nothing! Tomorrow would be a full day. He ventured apologetically into the lift. In his private corridor a young man respectfully waited, hat in hand, the paternal red-and-black waistcoat by his side for purposes of introduction. The young man was wearing a rather shabby blue suit, but a rich and distinguished overcoat that fitted him ill. In another five minutes Edward Henry had engaged a skilled valet aged twenty-four, named Joseph, with a testimonial of efficiency from Sir Nicholas Winkworth Baronet, at a salary of a pound a week and all found. Joseph seemed to await instructions, and Edward Henry was placed in a new quandary. He knew not whether the small bedroom in the suite was for a child or for his wife's maid, or for his valet. Quite probably it would be a sacrilegious defiance of precedent to put a valet in the small bedroom. Quite probably Wilkins had a floor for private valets in the roof. Again, quite probably the small bedroom might be, after all, specially destined for valet. He could not decide, and the most precious thing in the universe to him in that crisis was his reputation as a man about town in the eyes of Joseph. But something had to be done. You'll sleep in this room," said Edward Henry, indicating the door. I may want you in the night. Yes, sir," said Joseph. I presume you'll dine up here, sir," said Joseph, glancing at the lounge-suit. His father had informed him of his new master's predicament. I shall," said Edward Henry. You might get the menu. Four. He had a very bad night indeed, knowing no doubt partly to a general uneasiness in his unusual surroundings, and partly also to a special uneasiness caused by the propinquity of a sleeping valet. But the main origin of it was certainly his dreadful anxiety about the question of a first-class tailor. In the organisation of his new life a first-class tailor was essential, and he was not acquainted with a first-class London tailor. He did not know a great deal concerning clothes, though quite possibly well-dressed for a provincial, but he knew enough to be sure that it was impossible to judge the merits of a tailor by his signboard, and therefore that if, wandering in the precincts of Bond Street, he entered the first establishment that looked likely, he would have a good chance of being done in the eye. So he phrased it to himself as he lay in bed. Then he wanted a definite and utterly reliable address. He rang the bell. Only, as it happened to be the wrong bell, he obtained the presence of Joseph in a roundabout way through the agency of a gentleman in waiting. Such however is the human faculty of adaptation to environment that he was merely amused in the morning by an error which on the previous night would have put him into a sweat. "'Good morning, sir,' said Joseph. Edward Henry nodded, his hands under his head as he lay on his back. He decided to leave all the initiative to Joseph. The man drew up the blinds, and closing the double windows at the top opened them very wide at the bottom. "'It's a rainy morning, sir,' said Joseph, letting in vast quantities of air from Devonshire Square. Clearly Sir Nicholas Winkworth had been a breezy master. "'Oh!' murmured Edward Henry. He felt of careless contempt for Joseph's flunkism. Here the two he had had the theory that footmen, valeds, and all male personal attendants were an inexcusable excrescence on the social fabric. The mere sight of them often angered him, though for some reason he had no objection whatever to civility in a nice looking maid. Indeed, rather enjoyed it. But now in the person of Joseph he saw that there were human or half-human beings born to self-abasement, and that if their destiny was to be fulfilled, the valetary was a necessary institution. He had no pity for Joseph, no shame in employing him. He scorned Joseph, and yet his desire as a man about town to keep Joseph's esteem was in no way diminished. "'Shall I prepare your bath, sir?' asked Joseph, stationed in a supple attitude by the side of the bed. Edward Henry was visited by an idea. "'Have you had yours?' he demanded, like a pistol shot. Edward Henry saw that Sir Nicholas had never asked that particular question. "'No, sir. Not had your bath, man. What on earth do you mean by go and have your bath at once?' A faint sycophantic smile lightened the amazed features of Joseph, and Edward Henry thought, "'It's astonishing all the same, the way they can read their masters. This chap has seen already that I'm a card.' "'Yet how?' "'Yes, sir,' said Joseph. "'Have your bath in the bathroom here, and be sure to leave everything in order for me?' "'Yes, sir.' As soon as Joseph had gone, Edward Henry jumped out of bed and listened. He heard the discreet Joseph respectfully push the bolt of the bathroom door. Then he crept with noiseless rapidity to the small bedroom, and was aware therein of a lack of order and of ventilation. The rich and distinguished overcoat was hanging on the brass knob at the foot of the bed. He seized it, and scrutinizing the loop read in yellow letters, Quaither and Cathering, 47 Vigo Street, W. He knew that Quaither and Cathering must be the tailors of Sir Nicholas Winkworth, and hence First Class. Hoping for the best, and putting his trust in the general decency of human nature, he did not travel himself with the problem, was the overcoat a gift or an appropriation. But he preferred to assume the generosity of Sir Nicholas rather than the dishonesty of Joseph. Re-passing the bathroom door, he knocked loudly on its glass. "'Don't be all day,' he cried. He was in a hurry now. An hour later to Joseph, "'I'm going down to Quaither and Cathering's.' "'Yes, sir,' said Joseph, obviously much reassured. "'Nincompoop,' Edward Henry exclaimed secretly. "'The fool thinks better of me because my tail is a First Class.' But Edward Henry had failed to notice that he himself was thinking better of himself because he had adopted First Class tailors. Beneath the main door of his suite as he went forth he found a business-card of the West End Electric Broom Supply Agency, and downstairs, solely to impress his individuality on the hall-porter, he showed the card to that vizier with the casual question, "'These people any good?' "'An excellent firm, sir.' "'What did they charge?' "'By the week, sir,' he hesitated. "'Yes, by the week.' "'Twenty guineas, sir.' "'Well, you might telephone for one. Can you get it at once?' "'Sir, send it, sir.' The vizier turned towards the telephone in his lair. "'I say,' said Edward Henry. "'Sir?' "'I suppose one will be enough.' "'Well, sir, as a rule, yes,' said the vizier calmly. "'Sometimes I get a couple for one family, sir.' Though he had started jocularly, Edward Henry finished by blenching. "'I think one will do. I may possibly send for my own car.' He drove to Quather and Cutherings in his electric broom, and there dropped casually the name of Winkworth. He explained humorously his singular misadventure of the Minnetonka, and was very successful therewith. So successful indeed that he actually began to believe in the reality of the adventure himself, and had an irrational impulse to dispatch a wireless message to his bewildered valet on board the Minnetonka. Subsequently he paid other fruitful visits in the neighbourhood, and about half past eleven the fruit was arriving at Wilkins in the shape of many parcels and boxes, comprising diverse items in the equipment of a man-about town, such as tie-clips and innovation trunks. Returning late to Wilkins for lunch he marched jauntily into the large brilliant restaurant, and commenced an adequate repast. Of course he was still wearing his mediocre lounge suit, his sole suit for another two days, but somehow the consciousness that Quather and Cuthering were cutting out wondrous garments for him in Vigo Street, stiffened his shoulders, and gave a mysterious style to that lounge suit. At lunch he made one mistake, and enjoyed one very remarkable piece of luck. The mistake was to order an artichoke. He did not know how to eat an artichoke. He had never tried to eat an artichoke, and his first essay in this difficult and complex craft was a sad fiasco. It would not have mattered if, at the table next to his own, there had not been two obviously experienced women, one ill-dressed with a red hat, the other well-dressed with a blue hat, one middle-aged, the other much younger, but both very observant. And even so it would scarcely have mattered had not the younger woman been so slim, pretty and alluring. While tolerably careless of the opinion of the red-hatted, plain woman of middle-age, he desired the unqualified approval of the delightful young thing in the blue hat. They certainly interested themselves in his maneuvers with the artichoke, and their amusement was imperfectly concealed. He forgave the blue hat, but considered that the red hat ought to have known better. They could not be princesses, nor even titled aristocrats. He supposed them to belong to some bakara-playing county family. The piece of luck consisted in the passage down the restaurant of the Countess of Chel, who had been lunching there with a party, and whom he had known locally in more gusty days. The Countess bowed stiffly to the red hat, and the red hat responded with eager fulsomeness. It seemed to be here, as it no longer was in the five towns, everybody knew everybody. The red hat and blue might be titled after all, he thought. Then, by sheer accident, the Countess caught sight of himself, and stopped dead, bringing her escort to a stand still behind her. Edward Henry blushed and rose. "'Is it you, Mr. Machen?' murmured the still lovely creature warmly. They shook hands. Never had social pleasure so thrilled him. The conversation was short. He did not presume on the past. He knew that here he was not on his own ash-pit, as they say in the five towns. The Countess and her escort went forward. Edward Henry sat down again. He gave the red and blue hats one calm dance, which they failed to withstand. The affair of the artichoke was forever wiped out. After lunch he went forth again in his electric broom. The weather had cleared. The opulent streets were full of pride and sunshine, and as he penetrated into one shop after another, seeing kowtows, obeys and says, curtsies, homage, surrender, resignation, submission, he gradually comprehended that it takes all sorts to make a world, and that those who are called to greatness must accept with dignity the ceremonials inseparable from greatness, and the world had never seemed to him so fine nor any adventure so diverting and uplifting as this adventure. When he returned to his suite, his private corridor was piled up with a numerous and excessively attractive assortment of parcels. Joseph took his overcoat and hat and a new umbrella and placed an easy chair conveniently for him in the drawing-room. Yet by Bill, he said shortly to Joseph as he sank into the gilded photoe, Yes, sir. One advantage of a ballot, he discovered, is that you can order him to do things which, to do yourself, would more than exhaust your moral courage. The black-carved gentleman in waiting brought the bill, it lay on a salver, and was folded conceivably so as to break the shock of it to the recipient. Edward Henry took it. Wait a minute, he said. He read on the bill, apartments, eight pounds, dinner, one pound two shillings, breakfast, six and sixpence, lunch, eighteen shillings, half-shabbly, six and sixpence, valet's board, ten shillings, toothbrush, two and sixpence. That's a bit thick, half a crown for that toothbrush, he said to himself. However, the next instant he blenched once more. Gosh! He privately exclaimed, as he read, paid driver of taxicab two pounds three shillings and sixpence. He had forgotten the taxi, but he admired the sangfoir of Wilkins, which paid such trifles as a matter of course without deigning to disturb a guest by an inquiry. Wilkins rose again in his esteem. The total of the bill exceeded thirteen pounds. All right, he said to the gentleman in waiting. Are you leaving to-day, sir? The being permitted himself to ask. Of course I'm not leaving. Haven't I hired an electric broom for a week? Edward Henry burst out. But I suppose I'm entitled to know how much I'm spending. The gentleman in waiting humbly bowed and departed. Alone in the splendid chamber Edward Henry drew out a swollen pocket-book, and examined its crisp, crinkly contents which made a beauteous and a reassuring sight. Pfft! He muttered. He reckoned he would be living at the rate of about fifteen pounds a day, or five thousand five hundred a year. He did not count the cost of his purchases because they were in the nature of a capital expenditure. Cheap! He muttered. For once I'm about living up to my income. The sensation was exquisite in its novelty. He ordered tea, and afterwards, feeling sleepy, he went fast asleep. He awoke to the ringing of the telephone bell. It was quite dark. The telephone bell continued to ring. Joseph! He called. The valet entered. What time is it? It's ten o'clock, sir. The deuce it is. He had slept over four hours. Well, answer that confounded telephone. Joseph obeyed. It's for Mr. Bryony, sir, if I catch the name right. Said Joseph. Bryony! For twenty-four hours he had scarcely thought of Bryony or the option, either. Bring the telephone here, said Edward Henry. The cord would just reach to his chair. Hello, Bryony, is that you? cried Edward Henry gaily. And then he heard the weakened voice of Mr. Bryony in his ear. How'd you do, Mr. Machen? I've been after you for the best part of two days, and now I find you're staying in the same hotel as Mr. Saxon me. Oh! said Edward Henry. He understood now why, on the previous day, the dandy introducing himself to his suite had smiled a welcome at the name of Alderman Machen, and why Joseph had accepted so naturally the command to take a bath. Bryony had been talking. Bryony had been recounting his exploits as a card. The voice of Bryony in his ear continued. Look here! I have got Mr. Euclid here and some friends of hers. Of course she wants to see you at once. Can you come down? Er, he hesitated. He could not come down. He would have no evening wear till the next day but one. Said the voice of Bryony. What? I can't, said Edward Henry. I'm not very well, but listen. All of you come up to my rooms here and have supper, will you? Suite forty-eight. I'll ask the lady, said the voice of Bryony, altered now, and a few seconds later. We're coming. Joseph Edward Henry gave orders rapidly as he took off his coat and removed the pocket-book from it. I'm ill, you understand? But anyway, not well. Take this, handing him the coat, and bring me the new dressing gown out of that green cardboard box from Rollet's. I think it is. And then get the supper menu. I'm very hungry. I've had no dinner. Within sixty seconds he sat in state, wearing a grandiose yellow dressing gown. The change was accomplished just in time. Mr. Bryony entered. And not only Mr. Bryony, but Mr. Seven Sacks, and not only these, but the lady who had worn a red hat at lunch. Miss Rose Euclid, said Mr. Bryony, puffing and bending. Edward Henry had paid half a crown to be let into a certain enclosure with a very low ceiling. This enclosure was already crowded with some three hundred people sitting and standing. Edward Henry had stood in the only unoccupied spot he could find, behind a pillar. When he had made himself as comfortable as possible by turning up his collar against the sharp winds that continually entered from the street, he had peered forward, and seen in front of his enclosure another and larger enclosure, also crowded with people, but more expensive people. After a blank interval of thirty minutes, a band had begun to play at an incredible distance in front of him, extinguishing the noises of traffic in the street. After another interval, an oblong space rather further off even than the band suddenly grew bright, and Edward Henry, by curving his neck first to one side of the pillar and then to the other, had had tantalizing glimpses of the interior of a doll's drawing-room and of male and female dolls therein. He could only see, even partially, the inferior half of the drawing-room, a little higher than the heads of the dolls, because the rest was cut off from his vision by the loneliness of his own ceiling. The dolls were talking, but he could not catch clearly what they said, save at the rare moments when an omnibus or a van did not happen to be thundering down the street behind him. Then one special doll had come exquisitely into the drawing-room, and at the sight of her, the five hundred people in front of him, and numbers of other people perched hidden beyond his ceiling, had clapped fervently, and even cried aloud in their excitement. And he, too, had clapped fervently, and had muttered, Bravo! This special doll was a marvel of touching and persuasive grace, with a voice, when Edward Henry could hear it, that melted the spine. This special doll had every elegance, and seemed to be in the highest pride of youth. At the close of the affair, as this special doll sank into the embrace of a male doll, from whom she had been unjustly separated, and then straightened herself deliciously, and confidently smiling, to take the tremendous applause of Edward Henry and the rest, Edward Henry thought that he had never assisted as a triumph, so genuine, and so inspiring. Because of the pain in his neck, and of the choking, foul atmosphere of the enclosure, accurately described as the pit, he had gone forth into the street with a subconscious notion in his head that the special doll was more than human, was half-divine. And he had said afterwards, with immense satisfaction at Bursley, yes, I saw Rose Euclid in Flower of the Heart. He had never set eyes on her since. And now, on this day at Wilkins, he had seen in the restaurant, and he saw again before him, in his private parlor, a faded and stoutish woman, negligently, if expensively, dressed, with a fatigued, nervous watery glance, an unnatural, pale, violet complexion, a wrinkled skin, and dyed hair, a woman of whom it might be said that she had escaped grandmotherhood, if indeed she had escaped it, by mere luck, and he was point blank commanded to believe that she and Rose Euclid were the same person. It was one of the most chattering shocks of all his career, which nevertheless had not been untumultuous. And within his dressing-gown, which nobody remarked upon, he was busy picking up and piecing together as quickly as he could the shivered fragments of his ideas. He literally did not recognize Rose Euclid. True, fifteen years had passed since the night in the pit, and he himself was fifteen years older. But in his mind he had never pictured any change in Rose Euclid. True he had been familiar with the enormous renown of Rose Euclid, as far back as he could remember taking any interest in theatrical advertisements. But he had not permitted her to reach an age of more than about thirty-one or two, whereas he now perceived that even the exquisite doll-in-paradise that he had gloated over from his pit must have been quite thirty-five. Then! Well, he scornfully pitted Rose Euclid. He blamed her for not having accomplished the miracle of eternal youth. He actually considered that she had cheated him. Is this all? What a swindle! He thought, as he was piecing together the shivered fragments of his ideas into a new pattern. He had felt much the same as a boy at Bursley annual Wakes once, on entering a booth which promised horrors and did not supply them. He had been done all these years. Reluctantly, he admitted that Rose Euclid could not help her age. But at any rate, she ought to have grown older beautifully, with charming dignity and vivacity. In fact, she ought to have contrived to be old and young simultaneously. Or in the alternative, she ought to have modestly retired into the country and lived on her memories and such money as she had not squandered. She had no right to be abroad. At worst, she ought to have looked famous. And because her name and fame and photographs as an emotional actress had been continually in the newspapers, therefore she ought to have been refined, delicate, distinguished, and full of witty and gracious small-talk. She had played the heroine of Flower of the Heart four hundred times, and the heroine of the Grenadier four hundred and fifty times, and the heroine of The Wife's Ordeal nearly five hundred times, made it incumbent upon her, in Edward Henry's subconscious opinion, to possess all the talents of a woman of the world, and all the virgin freshness of a girl. Which shows how cruelly stupid Edward Henry was in comparison with the enlightened rest of us. Why, he protested secretly, she was even tongue-tied. Glad to meet you, Mr. Machen, she said awkwardly, in a weak voice, with a peculiar gesture as she shook hands. Then a mechanical, nervous giggle, and then silence. Hey, Peter May, you're a great answer, said Mr. Seven Saxe, and the archfamous American actor-author also lapsed into silence. But the silence of Mr. Seven Saxe was different from Rose Euclid's. He was not shy. A dark and handsome, tranquil, youngish man, with a redoubtable square chin, delicately rounded at the corners, he strikingly resembled his own figure on the stage, and moreover he seemed to regard silence as a natural and proper condition. He simply stood in a graceful posture with his muscles at ease and waited. Mr. Briney behind seemed to be reduced in stature and to have become apologetic for himself in the presence of greatness. Still, Mr. Briney did say something. Said Mr. Briney, sorry to hear you've been seedy, Mr. Machen. Oh, yes! Rose Euclid blurted out as if shot. It's very good of you to ask us up here. Mr. Seven Saxe concurred, adding that he hoped the illness was not serious. Edward Henry said it was not. Won't you sit down, all of you? said Edward Henry. Miss Euclid? They all sat down except Mr. Briney. Sit down, Briney, said Edward Henry. I'm glad to be able to return your hospitality at the Turk's head. This was a blow for Mr. Briney, who obviously felt it, and grew even more apologetic as he fumbled with assumed sprightliness at a chair. Fancy you being here all the time, said he, and me looked for you everywhere. Mr. Briney? Seven Saxe interrupted him calmly. Have you got those letters off? Not yet, sir. Seven Saxe urbeinely smiled. I think we ought to get them after night. Certainly, agreed Mr. Briney with eagerness, and moved towards the door. Here's a key of my sailing-room. Seven Saxe stopped him, producing a key. Mr. Briney, by a mischance catching Edward Henry's eye as he took the key, blushed. In a moment Edward Henry was alone with the two silent celebrities. Well, said Edward Henry to himself, I've let myself in for it this time. No mistake. What, in the name of common sense, am I doing here? Rose Euclid coughed, and arranged the folds of her dress. I suppose, like most Americans, you see all the sides? Did Edward Henry to Seven Saxe? The five towns is much visited by Americans. What do you think of my dressing-gown? Bollay! said Seven Saxe, with the faintest twinkle, and Rose Euclid gave the mechanical nervous giggle. I can do with this chap, thought Edward Henry. The gentleman in waiting entered with the supper-menu. Thank heaven, thought Edward Henry. Rose Euclid, required to order a supper after her own mind, but they had vaguely at the menu for some moments, and then said she did not know what to order. Artichokes! Edward Henry blandly suggested. Again the giggle followed this time by a flush, and suddenly Edward Henry recognized in her the entrancing creature of fifteen years ago. Her head thrown back, she had put her left hand behind her, and was groping with her long fingers for an object to touch. You found at length the arm of another chair. She drew her fingers feverishly along its surface. He vividly remembered the gesture in Flower of the Heart. She had used it with terrific effect at every grand emotional crisis of the play. He now recognized even her face. Did Mr. Brownie tell you that my two boys are coming up? Said she, I left them behind to do some telephoning for me. Delighted, said Edward Henry, the more the merrier. And he hoped that he spoke true. But her two boys? Mr. Merrier, he's a young manager. I don't know whether you know him. Very, very talented, and Carlo-trend. Same name as my dog, Edward Henry indiscreetly murmured, and his fancy flew back to the home he had quitted, and Wilkins and everybody in it grew transiently unreal to him. Excited, he said again. He was relieved that her two boys were not her offspring. That at least was something gained. You know! The dramatist! said Rose Euclid, apparently disappointed by the effect on Edward Henry of the name of Carlo-trend. Really! said Edward Henry, I hope he won't mind me being an addressing-gown. The gentleman in waiting, obsequiously restive, managed to choose the supper himself, leaving. He reached the door just in time to hold it open for the entrance of Mr. Merrier and Mr. Carlo-trend, who were talking with noticeable freedom and emphasis, in an accent which, in the Five Towns, is known as the Ho Ho, the La Di Da, or the Kensingtonian accent, too. Within ten minutes, within less than ten minutes, Alderman Edward Henry-Machin's supper-party at Wilkins was so wonderfully changed for the better that Edward Henry might have been excused for not recognizing it as his own. The service at Wilkins, where they profoundly understood human nature, was very intelligent. Somewhere in the central bureau at Wilkins sat a psychologist, who knew, for example, that a supper commanded on the spur of the moment must be produced instantly if it is to be enjoyed. Today in these capricious cases impairs the ecstasy, and therefore lessens the chance of other similar meals being commanded at the same establishment. Hence, no sooner had the gentleman in waiting disappeared with the order than certainly squires appeared with the limbs and body of a table, which they set up in Edward Henry's drawing-room, and they covered the board with a damask cloth, and half covered the damask cloth with flowers, glasses, and plates, and laid a special private wire from the skirting-board near the hearth to a spot on the table beneath Edward Henry's left hand, so that he could summon courtiers on the slightest provocation with the minimum of exertion. There, immediately, brown bread and butter and lemons and red pepper came, followed by oysters, followed by bottles of pale wine, both still and sparkling. Thus, before the principal dishes had even begun to frizzle in the distant kitchens, the revelers were under the illusion that the entire supper was waiting just outside the door. Yes, they were revelers now, for the advent of her young men had transformed Rose Euclid, and Rose Euclid had transformed the general situation. At the table, Edward Henry occupied one side of it, Mr. Seven Sacks occupied the side opposite, Mr. Marrier, the very, very talented young manager, occupied the side to Edward Henry's left, and Rose Euclid and Carlo Trent together occupied the side on his right. Trent and Marrier would each about thirty years of age. Trent, with a deep voice, had extremely lustrous eyes, which eyes continually dwelt on Rose Euclid in admiration. Apparently all she needed in this valley was oysters and admiration, as she now had both in unlimited quantities. Oysters are darlings, she said, as she swallowed the first. Carlo Trent kissed her hand respectfully, for she was old enough to be his mother. And you are the greatest tragic actress in the world, Rose," said he, in the Kensingtonian base. A few moments earlier, Rose Euclid had whispered to Edward Henry that Carlo Trent was the greatest dramatic poet in the world. She flowered now beneath the sun of those dark, lustrous eyes, and the soft rain of that admiration from the greatest dramatic poet in the world. It really did seem to Edward Henry that she grew younger, as surely she grew more girlish, and her voice improved. And then the bottles began to pop, and it was as though the action of uncorking wine automatically uncorked hearts also. Mr. Seven Sacks, sitting square and upright, smiled gaily at Edward Henry across the gleaming table, and raised a glass. Little Marrier, who at nearly all times had a most enthusiastic smile, did the same. In the result, five glasses met over the central bed of chrysanthemums. Edward Henry was happy, surrounded by enigmas, for he had no conception whatever why Rose Euclid had brought any of the three men to his table. He was nevertheless uplifted. As he looked about him at the rich table and at the glittering chandelier overhead, albeit the lamps thereof were inferior to his own, and at the expanses of soft carpet, and at the silk and textured walls, and at the voluptuous curtains, and at the couple of impeccable gentlemen in waiting, and at Joseph, who knew his place behind his master's chair, he came to the justifiable conclusion that money was a marvellous thing, and the workings of commerce mysterious and beautiful. He had invented the Five Towns Thrift Club. Working men and their wives in the Five Towns were paying their tuppances and sixpences and shillings weakly into his club, and finding the transaction a real convenience. And lo! He was entertaining celebrities at Wilkins. For mind you, they were celebrities. He knew Seven Sacks was a celebrity, because he had verily seen him act, and act very well in his own play, and because his name in letters of foot high had dominated all the hoardings of the Five Towns. As for Rose Euclid, could there be a greater celebrity? Such was the strange power of the popular legend concerning her that even now, despite the first fearful shock of disappointment, Edward Henry could not call her by her name without self-consciously stumbling over it without a curious thrill. Even further, he was revising his judgment of her, as well as lowering her age slightly. On coming into the room she had doubtless been almost as startled as himself, and her constrained muteness had been probably due to a guilty feeling in the matter of passing two open remarks to a friend about a perfect stranger's manner of eating artichokes. The witch supposition flattered him. By the way he wished she had brought the young friend who had shared her amusement over his artichokes. With regard to the other two men he was quite ready to believe that Carlo Trent was the world's greatest dramatic poet, and to admit the exceeding talent of Mr. Marrier as a theatrical manager. In fact, unmistakable celebrities won and all. He himself was a celebrity. A certain quality in the attitude of each of his guests showed clearly that they considered him a celebrity, and not only a celebrity, but a guard. Brian he must have been talking, and the conviction of this rendered him happy. His magnificent hunger rendered him still happier, and the reflection that brindly owed him half a crown put a top on his bliss. I like your dressing-garden, Mr. Macin," said Carlo Trent, suddenly, after his first spoonful of soup. Then I needn't apologize for it, Edward Henry replied. It is the dressing-garden of my dreams. Carlo Trent went on. Well, said Edward Henry, as we're on the subject, I like your shirt front. Carlo Trent was wearing a soft shirt. The other three shirts were all rigidly starched. Hitherto, Edward Henry had imagined that a fashionable evening shirt should be, before all else, bullet-proof. He now appreciated the distinction of a frilled and gently flowing breastplate, especially when a broad purple eyeglass ribbon wandered across it. Rose Euclid gazed in modest transport at Carlo's chest. Look, Carlo! Carlo proceeded, ignoring Edward Henry's compliment. The color is inspiring. So is the texture. I have a woman's delight in textures. I could subtly produce better hexameters in such a dressing-garden. Although Edward Henry owing to an unfortunate hiatus in his education did not know what a hexameter might be, he was artist enough to comprehend the effect of a tire on creative work, for he had noticed that he himself could make more money in one necktie than in another, and he would instinctively take particular care in the morning choice of croate on days when he meditated a great coup. Why don't you get one? Mario suggested. Do you or anything I could? Just Carlo Trent, as if the possibility was shimmering far out of his reach like a rainbow. Longer! Smiled Mario. I don't mind laying a five-other term. Mr. Machen's dressing-garden came from Drucks in Eld Bond Street. But instead of saying old, he said, Ild. It did, Edward Henry admitted. Mr. Mario beamed with satisfaction. Drucks, you say! Mr. Merman Carlo Trent, old Bond Street, and wrote down the information on his shirt-cuff. Rose Euclid watched him right. Yes, Carlo, said she, but don't you think we'd better begin to talk about the theatre? You haven't told me yet if you got hold of Longer on the phone. Of course we got hold of him, said Mario. He agrees with me that the intellectual is a better name for it. Rose Euclid clapped her hands. I'm so glad! She cried. Now what do you think of it as a name, Mr. Machen? The intellectual theatre. You see it most important we should settle on the name, isn't it? It is no exaggeration to say that Edward Henry felt a wave of cold at the small of his back, and also a sinking away of the nevertheless quite solid chair on which he sat. He had more than the typical Englishman sane distrust of that morbid word intellectual. His attitude towards it amounted to an act of dislike. If ever he used it he would on no account use it alone. He would say, intellectual and all that sort of thing. With an air of pushing violently away from him everything that the phrase implied. The notion of baptising a theatre with the fearsome word horrified him. Still he had to maintain his nerve and his repute, so he drank some champagne and smiled nonchalantly as the imperturbable dualist smiles while the pistols were being examined. Well, he murmured. You see, Maria broke in with the smile ecstatic almost dancing on his chair. There's no use in compromise. Compromise is and always has been the cost of this country. The unintellectual drama is dead. Dead. Nobody can deny that. All the box office is in the West End after claiming it. Should you call your play intellectual, Mr. Sachs? Edward Henry inquired across the table. I scarcely know, said Mr. Seven Sachs calmly. I know I played it myself fifteen hundred and two times, and that's saying nothing of my three subsidiary companies on the road. What is Mr. Sachs's play? Ask Carlo Trent fretfully. Don't you know, Carlo? Those youth had patted him. Overheard. Oh, I've never seen it. But it was on all hoardings. I never weighed the hoardings, said Carlo. Is it in bus? No, it isn't. Mr. Seven Sachs briefly responded, but I made over six hundred thousand dollars out of it. Then of course it's intellectual, asserted Mr. Maria positively. That proves it. I'm very sorry. I've not seen it either, but it must be intellectual. The day of the unintellectual drama is over. The people won't have it. We must have faith in the people, and we can't show our faith better than by calling our theatre by its proper name. The Intellectual Theatre. His theatre thought Edward Henry what he got to do with it. I don't know that I'm so much in love with your intellectual. muttered Carlo Trent. Aren't you? protested Rose Euclid, shocked. Of course I'm not, said Carlo. I told you before, and I tell you now that there's only one name for the theatre, the Muses Theatre. Perhaps you're right. Rose agreed, as if a swift revelation had come to her. She'll make a cheerful sort of partner for a fellow, thought Edward Henry. If she's in the habit of changing her mind like that every thirty seconds, his appetite had gone. He could only drink. Naturally I'm right. Aren't we going to open with my play, and listen to my play inverse? I'm sure you'll agree with me, Mr. Matured, that there's no real drama, except the poetical drama. Edward Henry was entirely at a loss. Indeed he was drowning in his dressing-gown, so favourable to the composition of hexameters. Poetry! He vaguely breathed. Yes, sir, said Carlo Trent. Poetry! I've never read any poetry in my life, said Edward Henry, like a desperate criminal, not a line, whereupon Carlo Trent rose up from his seat, and his eyeglass dangled in front of him. Mr. Magin! said he, with the utmost benevolence. This is the most interesting thing I've ever come across. Do know, your precisely the man I've always been wanting to meet, the virgin mind, the clean slate. Do know, your precisely the man, that it's my ambition to write for. It's very kind of you, said Edward Henry, feebly, beaten, and consciously beaten. He thought miserably. What would Nellie think if she saw me in this gang? Carlo Trent went on, turning to Rose Euclid. Rose, will you recite those names of Narshe? Rose Euclid began to blush. That bitch you taught me the day before yesterday. Only the first three lines, no more. They are the very essence of poetry, poetry at its poorest. We'll see the effect of them on Mr. Magin. We'll just see. It's the ideal opportunity to test my theory. Wow! There's a good girl. Oh! I can't. I'm too nervous. Stammered Rose. You can, and you must, said Carlo, gazing at her in homage. Nobody in the world can say them as well as you can. Now! Rose Euclid stood up. One moment. Carlo stopped her. There's too much light. We can't do with all this light, Mr. Magin, and do you mind? Save of the hand, and all the lights were extinguished, save a lamp on the mantelpiece, and in the disconcertingly darkened room Rose Euclid turned her face towards the ray from this solitary silk-shaded globe. Her hand groped out behind her, found the tablecloth, and began to scratch it agitatedly. She lifted her head. She was the actress, impressive and subjugating, and Edward Henry felt her power. Then she entoned. Brightness falls from the air. Queens have died, young and fair. Dust hath closed Ellen's eye. And she ceased, and sat down. There was a silence. Bravo! muttered Carlo Trent. Bravo! murmured Mr. Marrier. Edward Henry in the gloom caught Mr. Seven Sax's unalterable observant smile across the table. Well, Mr. Magin? said Carlo Trent. Edward Henry had felt a tremor at the vibration of Rose Euclid's voice, but the word she uttered had set up no clear image in his mind, unless it might be of some solid body falling from the air, or of a young woman named Helen walking along Trafalgar Road, Bursley, on a dusty day, and getting the dust in her eyes. He knew not what to answer. Is that all there is of it? He asked at length. Carlo Trent said, It is from Thomas Nash's song in times of pestilence. The closing lines of the verse are, I am sick, I must die, Lord, have mercy on me. Well, said Edward Henry, recovering, there are the likely end. I think the end's very appropriate. Mr. Seven Sax choked over his wine, and kept on choking. III Mr. Marrier was the first to recover from this blow to the prestige of poetry, or perhaps it would be more honest to say that Mr. Marrier had suffered no inconvenience from the Contraton. His apparently gleeful zest in life had not been impaired. He was a born optimist of an extreme type unknown beyond the circumferences of theatrical circles. He emphasised, I've got an idea. We ought to be photographed like that. Do you know any good? He glanced encouragingly at Rose Euclid. Don't you see at in the illustrated papers, a private supper-party at Wilkins Hotel, Miss Rose Euclid reciting verse at a discussion of the plans for her new theatre in Piccadilly Circus, the figures reading from the left to right are Mr. Seven Sax, the famous actor author, Miss Rose Euclid, Mr. Carlo Trent, the celebrated dramatic poet, Mr. Alderman Machen, the well-known Midlands capitalist, and so on. Mr. Marrier repeated. And so on. It's notion, said Rose Euclid, dreamily. But how can we be photographed? Carlo Trent demanded with irritation. Perfectly easy. Now? In ten minutes I know a photographer in Brook Street. Would he come at once? Carlo Trent frowned at his watch. Right there! Mr. Marrier gaily soothed him as he went over to the telephone, and Mr. Marrier's bright boyish face radiated forth the assurance that nothing in all his existence had more completely filled him with sincere joy than this enterprise of procuring a photograph of the party. Even in giving the photographer's number, he was one of those prodigies who remember infallibly all telephone numbers. His voice seemed to gloat upon his subject. And while Mr. Marrier, having obtained communication with the photographer, was saying gloriously into the phone, Yes, Wilkins! No, quite private. I'd got Miss Rose Euclid here, and Mr. Seven Sacks. While Mr. Marrier was thus proceeding with his list of star attractions, Edward Henry was thinking. Her new theatre now, it was his a few minutes back, the well-known Midlands capitalist day. Oh! He drank again. He said to himself, I've had all I can digest of this beastly balloony stuff. He meant the champagne. If I finish the glass, I'm bound to have a bad night. And he finished the glass, and planked it down firmly on the table. Well! He remarked aloud cheerfully, if we're to be photographed, I suppose we shall want a bit more light on the subject. Joseph sprang to the switches. Please! Carlo Trent raised a protesting hand. The switches were not turned. In the beautiful dimness, the greatest tragic actress in the world, and the greatest dramatic poet in the world, gazed at each other, seeking and finding solace in mutual esteem. I suppose it wouldn't do to call it the Euclid Theatre. Rose questioned casually, without moving her eyes. Splendid! cried Mr. Marrier from the telephone. It all depends whether there are enough mathematical students in London to fill the theatre for a run. Said Edward Henry. Oh! Do you think so? murmured Rose, surprised and vaguely puzzled. At that instant Edward Henry might have rushed from the room and taken the night-mail back to the five towns, and never any more have ventured into the perils of London, if Carlo Trent had not turned his head and signified by a curt, reluctant laugh that he saw the joke. For Edward Henry could no longer depend on Mr. Seven Sachs. Mr. Seven Sachs had to take the greatest pains to keep the muscles of his face in strict order, the slightest laxity with them, and he would have been involved in another and more serious suffocation. No! said Carlo Trent. The muse's theatre is the only possible title. There isn't money in the political drama. He looked hard at Edward Henry, as though to stare down the memory of the failure of Nash's verse. I don't want money. I hate the thought of money, but money is the only proof of democratic appreciation. That is what I need, and what every artist needs. Don't you think there's money in the political drama, Mr. Seven Sachs? Not in America. Said Mr. Seven Sachs. London's a queer place. Look at the runs of Stephen Phillips' plays. Yeah. I only reckoned in America. Look what pilgrims made out of Shakespeare. I thought you were talking about poetry, said Edward Henry, too hastily. And isn't Shakespeare a poet? Carlo Trent challenged. Well, I suppose, if you put it that way, he is. Edward Henry cautiously admitted, humbled. He was under the disadvantage of never having either seen or read Shakespeare. His sure instinct had always warned him against being drawn into Shakespeare. And has Miss Euclid ever done anything finer than Constance? I don't know, Edward Henry pleaded. Why, Miss Euclid in King John? I never saw King John, said Edward Henry. Do you mean to say? Expostulated Carlo Trent in Italics. Did you never saw Rose Euclid as Constance? And Edward Henry, shaking his abashed head, perceived that his life had been wasted. Carlo for a few moments grew reflective and bitter and softer. It's one of my earliest and most precious boyish memories. He murmured as he examined the ceiling. It must have been in eighteen. Euclid abandoned the ice with which she had just been served, and by a single gesture drew Carlo's attention away from the ceiling and towards the fact that it would be clumsy on his part to indulge further in the chronology of her career. She began to blush again. Mr. Marrior, now back at the table after a successful expedition, beamed over his ice. It was all Constance that led to your friendship with the contents of jail, wasn't it, heirs? You know," he turned to Edward Henry. "'Miss Euclid and the Countess are very intimate.' "'Yes, I know,' said Edward Henry. Rose Euclid continued to blush. Her agitated hands scratched the back of the chair behind her. "'Even Sir John Pilgrim admits I can act Shakespeare,' she said in a thick, mournful voice, looking at the cloth as she pronounced the august name of the head of the dramatic profession. "'It may surprise you to know, Mr. Macien, that about a month ago, after he'd quarrelled with Selina Gregory, Sir John asked me if I'd care to star with him on his Shakespearean tour around the world next spring, and I said I would if he'd include Carlo's poetical play, The Orient Pearl, and he wouldn't. No, he wouldn't, and now he's got little core of pride. She isn't twenty-two, and she's going to pay Juliet. Can you imagine such a thing?' "'If it's if a mere girl could play Juliet,' Carlo observed the mature actress with deep satisfaction, proud of her, and proud also of himself. "'I wouldn't go with Pilgrim now,' exclaimed Rose passionately. "'Not if he went down on his knees to me.' "'And nothing on earth would induce me to let him have the Orient Pearl,' Carlo trained, perseverated, with equal passion. "'He's lost there for ever,' he added grimly. "'It won't be he who'll call on the profits out of that. It'll just be ourselves.' "'Not if he went down on his knees to me,' Rose was repeating to herself with fervency. The calm of despair took possession of Edward Henry. He felt that he must act immediately. He knew his own mood by long experience. Exploring the pockets of the dressing-gown which had aroused the longing of the greatest dramatic poet in the world, he discovered in one of them precisely the piece of apparatus he required, namely a slip of paper suitable for writing. It was a carbon duplicate of the bill for the dressing-gown, and showed the word, drook, in massive printed black, and the figures, four guineas, in faint blue. He drew a pencil from his waistcoat, and inscribed on the paper. "'Go out, then come back in a couple of minutes, and tell me someone wants to speak to me urgently in the next room.' With a minimum of ostentation he gave the document to Joseph, who evidently well-trained under Sir Nicholas, vanished into the next room before attempting to read it. "'I hope,' said Edward Henry to Carlo Trent, that this money-making play is reserved for the new theatre.' "'Arterler,' said Carlo Trent. "'With Miss Euclid in the principal part?' "'Brod, there,' sang Mr. Marrior. "'I shall never, never appear at any other theatre, Mr. Machen,' said Rose, with tragic emotion, once more feeling with her fingers along the back of her chair. "'So I hope the building will begin at once, in less than six months we ought to open.' "'Easley,' sang the optimist. Joseph returned to the room, and sought his master's attention in a whisper. "'What is it?' Edward Henry asked her to be speak up. "'A gentleman wishes to know if he can speak to you in the next room, sir.' "'Well, he can't.' "'He said it was urgent, sir.' "'Scowling,' Edward Henry rose. "'Excuse me,' he said. "'I won't be a moment. Help yourselves to the liqueurs. You chaps can go, I fancy.' This last remark was addressed to the gentleman in waiting. The next room was the vast bedroom with two beds in it. Edward Henry closed the door carefully and drew the portiere across it. Then he listened. No sound penetrated from the scene of the supper. "'There is a telephone in this room, isn't there?' he said to Joseph. "'Oh, yes, there is. Well, you can go.' "'Yes, sir.' Edward Henry sat down on one of the beds by the hawk on which hung the telephone, and he cogitated upon the characteristics of certain members of the party which he had just left. "'I'm a virgin mind, am I?' he thought. "'I'm a clean slate.' "'Well, their notion of business is to begin by discussing the name of the theatre. And they haven't even taken up the option. Ye gods, intellectual muses, the Orient Pearl. And she's fifty. That, I swear, not a word yet of real business. Not one word. He may be a poet, I dare say he is. He's a conceited ass. Why, even Brian, he was better than that lot. Henry Sachs turned Brian out. I like Sachs, but he won't open his mouth. Capitalist. Well, they spoiled my appetite, and I hate champagne. A poet hates money? No, he hates the sort of money. And she's changing her mind the whole blessed time. A month ago she'd have gone over to Pilgrim, and the poet, too, like a house of fire. Photographed, indeed. The ballet photographer will be here in a minute. They take me for a fool, or don't they know any better? Anyhow, I am a fool. I must teach him some it. He sees the telephone. Hello? He said into it. I want you to put me on to the drawing-room of suite number forty-eight, please. Who? Oh, me. I'm in the bedroom of suite number forty-eight. Machen. Alderman Machen. Thanks. That's all right. He waited. Then he heard Harrior's Kensingtonian voice in the telephone, asking who he was. Is that Miss Machen's room? He continued, imitating with a broad partial effect the acute Kensingtonianism of Mr. Marrior's tones. Is Miss Rose Euclid there? Oh, she is. Well, you tell her that Sir John Pilgrim's private secretary wishes to speak to her. Thanks. All right, I'll hold the line. Pause. Then he heard Rose's voice in the telephone, and he resumed. Miss Euclid? Yes, Sir John Pilgrim. I beg pardon? Banks? Oh, banks. I'm not banks. I suppose you mean my predecessor. He left. Left last week. And no, I don't know why. Sir John instructs me to ask if you and Mr. Trent could lunch with him tomorrow at one thirty. What? Oh, at his house. Yes, I mean flat, flat, I said, flat. You think you could? Pause. He could hear her calling to Carlo Trent. Thanks. No, I don't know exactly. He went on again. But I know the arrangement with Miss Pride is broken off. And Sir John wants to play at once. He told me that. At once. Yes. The Orient Pearl. Yes, that was the title. Had the royal first, and then the world's top. Fifteen months, at least in all, so I gather. Of course I don't speak officially. Well, very thanks. So, good of ya. Tell Sir John it's arranged one party tomorrow. Good-bye. He hung up the telephone. The excited, eager, effusive tones of rose euclid remained in his ears. Aware of a strange phenomenon on his forehead, he touched it. He was perspiring. I'll teach him a thing or two. He muttered. And again. Serves her right. Never, never appear at any other theatre, Mr. Mason. Bended knees. Hutterly. Cheerful partners, whole cheerful partners. He returned to his supper-party. Nobody said a word about the telephoning. But rose euclid and Carlo Trent looked even more like conspirators than they did before. And Mr. Marrior's joy in life seemed to be just the least bit diminished. So, sorry, Edward Henry began hurriedly, and without consulting the poet's wishes subtly turned on all the lights. Now, don't you think we'd better discuss the question of taking up the option? You know it expires on Friday. No, said rose euclid, girlishly. It expires tomorrow. That's why it's so fortunate we got hold of you tonight. But Mr. Briney told me Friday, and the date was clear enough on the copy of the option he gave me. A mystique of copying. Beamed Mr. Marrior. However, it's all right. Well, observed Edward Henry with heartiness, I don't mind telling you that for sheer calm coolness you take the cake. However, as Mr. Marrior so ably says, it's all right. Now, I understand if I go into this affair I can count on you absolutely, and also on Mr. Trent's services. He tried to talk as if he had been diplomatising with actresses and poets all his life. Absolutely, said Rose, and Mr. Carlo Trent nodded. You iskariots! Edward Henry addressed them in the silence of the Brine behind his smile. You iskariots! The photographer arrived with certain cases, and at once Rose euclid and Carlo Trent began instinctively to pose. To think, Edward Henry pleasantly reflected that they're hugging themselves because Sir John Pilgrim's secretary happened to telephone just while I was out of the room.