 We invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Mash, with Alan Reed, Aspen Scott. Basco left Italy to start his new life in America. He promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventure. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Basco in Italy. Dear Mama Mia, is the wonderful thing about America is all of the clubs that they got, especially for the younger people. There is a boys' club, a girls' club, athletic club, and a special club just to help all ladies across the street. That's the call the Boy Scouts. But also they got the Girl Scouts. I guess this must be to bring the old ladies back and decide again. Just like in Italy, the people over here, they're crazy for their little bambino. All over is the playgrounds, the parks, and lots of other places, where the little people that can get off of the streets are to be saved from autos and taxis. It's too bad that they know got a place where a big paper can hide the tool. Today I'm going to send my last $10 to the boys' camp. This is to pay for some poor boy so he can go to camp for a whole week. I think he's a wonderful idea, Mama Mia, to get these little kids out of the city where they're going to see trees and cows and play baseball, and go swimming and catch a poison island. I don't feel so good about this. I think I'm going to go next door and ask my countryman Pasquale to give me some money too. Hey, you're adorable, baby, you're so beautiful, see, you're as sweet as it can be. Luigi, my friend, I love you. Pasquale, hey Pasquale, how do you like to do a nicer thing for somebody? Well, my little banana nose, I told it to pay not a treat thing. What a treat thing? Why should I do it? How much is it going to cost you not to get in it? Pasquale, all I'm asking is to give us some money to send a poorer boy away to camp, but it's the summer. Not thing though, and you stay here in the city and suffer just like the rest of us. Pasquale, he is not for me, he's for the poor kids. They get a chance to go out in the country, ride a horse, play cowboys, $10 to send a boy away for one a week, $20 for two weeks, $30 for three weeks. Luigi, here's a $0.50 in the sense, let him go see how long he can stay. Pasquale, what's the wrong with you? I'm just asking you to help out with some kids. Luigi, I've got my own troubles, and this while everybody's got to watch out for himself. Dogs eat dogs, fish eat the fish, whole world is a full of cannonballs. You want to be kind to the kids, that's your pleasure. When I was a kid and nobody was a kinder to me. Well, Pasquale, maybe that's the trouble. If the children get the more kindness, maybe they're not so angry with the world that when they grow up they build a better one. Thank you Humphrey's a bogot. Luigi, stop bothering me with sending the kids at the camp. If they want a fresh air and a green of grass, we got a bigger park right there. We got a zoo. You don't have to go far to see cows or pigs or even a jackass. You're so right, Pasquale. I don't have to go far to see a jackass. That's a funny thing, and when I'm saying it, it's a come out of difference. You remember, Luigi, it's a dog eat a dog. Oh, those are kids with their ball and they just broke one of my plates again. Who is my boy? Just came in here. I've got a new ball and you ain't going to get it. What a Pasquale. Give me back my ball. You ain't getting it, you little gangster. You broke one of my plates. I can have you arrested for arson. Come on, Pasquale. You can't keep my ball. How many times I'ma tell you not to play around in my stall. Get out. Oh, give me back my ball. Listen to me. Pasquale, maybe you use it the wrongly, psychology. Oh, psychology, huh? Oh, close that door. Luigi, let me explain to you something about a child's psychology. You see, Luigi, in his childhood, every kid is a former lot of associations. He's a former association with his mama, his father, and his teacher. This is called a parent-teacher's association. Pasquale is the one thing that will know psychology, but is another thing that will know people. I think that a boy's a camp, but they know children are better than you. Now, excuse me, I've got to go to my natural school, the class is right for now. Hey, Johnny. Yeah? Is this to you, boy? Yeah, Jesus. You mustn't mind a Pasquale. He's got so much on his mind. You see, he didn't even know I'ma take it as a ball. Yeah, he's always taken away our ball. That Pasquale gives me a pain in the neck. Does it give you a pain in the neck? Oh, it's a little bad. Maybe you try and call the compress. Little money bag. If he was drunk, he'd throw you a candy lifesaver. Oh, no, no, that's not the truth, Johnny. Oh, no? Yesterday I heard his daughter Rosa say something about it being Pasquale's birthday. But he ain't gonna have one on account of he didn't even know it's his birthday. Tomorrow is a Pasquale's birthday? Boy, I'd sure love to surprise him with a cake. You would? Yeah, a cake of some man on the bottom of a lake. Now wait a, Johnny, wait. Hey, I've got an idea. I make a Pasquale a surprise birthday party. Johnny, you come. Rita was for the no-goodniks. Who I can adjust to see Pasquale's face when he sees somebody is a make a party for him. He's gonna be so happy. Johnny, nobody's ever been the kinder to Pasquale. But we, we're gonna kill him with the kindness. A rock would be much faster. You know what, Johnny, don't say that. All Pasquale's are gonna have a big party. Oh, wait. I'm gonna just give him my last money to the boys at camp. Well, I'm gonna go to my night school to class now and ask my friends to help out. Well, goodbye, Johnny. I'm gonna see you at the party. D, you're so dangerous. E is excitable. F is, F is, must be for far as a day. Beautiful, here. All right. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basco. Here. Mr. Harwick. Here. Mr. Olson. Here. Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz, you're here. Why don't you stay here? What am I, a koopie cop? Thank you. Thank you, fellow poopers. Oh, I'm so lovable. Please, Mr. Schultz. Now, class, our lesson for today is on spelling. Now, who will volunteer to spell the word bench? Somebody? Who won't somebody volunteer? Looks like somebody will have to be drafted. Now, really, class, it's not that hard. Now, who can spell bench? Won't somebody raise his hand? Mr. Schultz? Well, if you're volunteering, just raise one hand, not two. Who's volunteering? I'm giving up. All right, Miss Polly. I'm going to try it. Bench. B-E-N-E-N-N. Oh, Mr. Schultz, don't be silly. Bench doesn't have so many ends. This is a long bench. Mr. Schultz, you may sit down. On what? I didn't finish my bench yet. Mr. Basko, you have your hand raised. What is it? Mr. Schultz, I'm going to like to ask you on the class of something. Yes, Mr. Basko. Well, tomorrow is the Mike Contrument of Pasquale's birthday. Pasquale is kind of a man. He's a never-have-a-party. He's even a forget-the-one. It's his birthday. And I was just thinking it would be nice to think if we make him a party. No, no, no, no. Please, please. Please, please, please. At least, who wanted to be a wonderful idea if we make a Pasquale a surprise party? Wonderful ideas of surprise would be none of us will be there. No. How do we say, how's the party? Well, Luigi, I've got a big affair to go to tomorrow. You see, my wife's mother-in-law is... you should excuse the expression expecting. I mean, my mother-in-law's wife... I mean, we've got Milton Burl on the television. That's all right. Olson, maybe you... Uh, Luigi, I'm sorry, but tomorrow night I'm yawning the elk. I mean, the deer. I mean the moose. What a spot for Daniel Boone. Mr. Basto, let's face it. Mr. Pasquale is not very popular. Popular? He is so mean. When he licked the threes and stamped, Washington wishes he was on the zoos and stamped. Right. Just because the Pasquale is a mean, that's a mean that we've got to act the same way. Wouldn't it be nice a thing if we all had chip in and a surprise the Pasquale with a nice birthday cake? Something for about $80. $5? $2. Luigi, here's my penny. Get him a doughnut. Life with Luigi continues in just a moment, but first, Mickey Rooney will be the star on Lux Radio Theatre tomorrow night. And the play is that famous comedy about Hollywood, Merton of the Movie. Here, Mickey as Merton, the very serious minded boy who strikes out from the Middle West to make his fame and fortune in Hollywood, and who achieves it in one of those hilarious career turnabouts that could happen only in Hollywood. Arlene Dahl will be heard as Mickey's girlfriend. Be sure you're listening tomorrow night when over most of these same CBS stations, Lux Radio Theatre presents Mickey Rooney in this great American comedy, Merton of the Movie. And now for the second act of Luigi Vasco's adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in it. And so, Mamma Mia, your son, Luigi, is very sad today. Sad not only because there's going to be no birthday party for Pasquale tonight, but because maybe it's true what the Pasquale said about how people act, how they only look out for each other. Mamma Mia, in our family, was always a love for each other. So I'm going to understand this other talk about the dog must eat the dog. If this was true, Mamma Mia, sooner there would have been nothing left in the world but the one big fat dog. And what the Pasquale said about Johnny, you think the boy is born a bad and is always going to be bad? No. If a boy is act a bad, it's always a reason. Remember once, how Uncle Pietro's a goat, he's a suddenly go crazy. He's a refusal to give a milk. He's an autocrat to anybody. And one day he's a chase Mrs. Tarantella's a goat to three miles. Later we find out the way he's acted this way. He was in a lover with the Mrs. Tarantella's a goat. Anyway, I'm a sitting here in my store thinking that things over. Luigi's my fellow boob. Ah look at you, you got such a boring look on your face. Like a czar dean when he hears somebody opening up the can. It's a look like there's going to be no birthday party for Pasquale. Luigi, that's what I came to talk to you about. You see the fellas, I mean, we all were here. Here's the $8. That's so wonderful. Thank you. Yeah, you're misguiding me and Horowitz and Olden. We couldn't stand the way you look when you returned your down. So we shipped him. Here's the $8 by the cake. And believe me, Luigi, when I say I hope Pasquale chokes on it. You see, you don't really mean that. Oh, what a party is it going to be for Pasquale. You tell the whole class, 8 o'clock tonight in my store, is it going to be big surprise party. Then I'm going to walk in a half a past 8 to wait for Pasquale. Oh, wait to wait. I'm going to get $8 for the cake. I'm going to get $8 for the cake, but there's no money for the food. The candy, the ice cream and the drink. Food, candy, ice cream, drink. Look, Luigi, from me, you're not getting one red cent. And if the FBI thinks that's propaganda, shoot me. Luigi, Luigi, wait, wait, wait, wait. Into my head, an idea just poofed. I know just a fellow who can lend you all the money for Pasquale's birthday party. Oh, Pasquale. So what are you talking about? Sure, sure, Luigi. He don't know it's his birthday. You say the party is for a friend of yours. Ask him for the money. You find out how generous he is. Well, it's your sidekick. You're worried, huh? Well, I gotta go now. We're all going to be in your store at 8 o'clock sharp. And cheer up. Don't be a pessimist. Schmeil! Be a octopus. Good bye, Luigi. And remember, schmeil! You! And my room is just a bit chilly. Mama, I'm gonna feel funny. I'm gonna ask Pasquale for money for his own surprise party. Pasquale, for your sake, I hope you'll lend me this money. Luigi? Well, what are you looking me like that for? Pasquale, I'm like to lend, say, about $25. Oh, the kids are being satisfied with that camper vacation. Now you want to set them on a trip to Europe, huh? Pasquale, is it not for the boys at camp? Then maybe it's for that little gangster Johnny. You want to buy him his own little jailer, maybe, eh? No, Pasquale, I'm gonna need this money for a party. Democratic or Republican. Pasquale, please, you're not joking. This party I'm gonna make is a surprise party for a very dear friend of mine. Oh, a friend, eh? Is this somebody I know? You know him very good. He's about my size. That's the right. He's got a foolish face and mean with disposition. Everybody's a-hating. Well, eh? I know, it's a Schultz. I'm sorry, Luigi. Goodbye. Go away, scat. No, Pasquale, no money, no money. No, Pasquale, please, please, listen. It's just a one minute. All right, go ahead and talk. My ears is they're gonna be hanging out, but in between is they're gonna be nothing. Well, Pasquale, I'm gonna need the $25 for a very good friend. And I would do anything if you do me this favor. I don't, eh... Eh, anything? Almost anything. Didn't marry my daughter, Rosa. No, Pasquale, she's a too fat for me. No, Luigi, stop. Come here, I'll tell you what I do. I make you friend at the most beautiful occasion of the party, right in your place. Everything from soup until you go nuts. You've got to marry Rosa. Pasquale, please, I'm... Well, Shady, you wouldn't do anything. Rosa's not anything, and she's everything. Right, Luigi, we compromise. I don't marry her. Just to give me the pleasure tonight at the party, I'm gonna make a little announcement about your engagement to Rosa. Pasquale, I... Well, you claim you do this for your friend. What do you say? All right, Pasquale. Good, I'ma call in my little girl and break the good news right for now. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! Rosa, say hello to Luigi. Rosa, for you, tonight at 8 o'clock, Luigi's giving a surprise party for his friend, the Schultz. Then, we're gonna announce to you engagement. What do you say to that? Prepare marriage. You shut up your face! I'ma go into my store to clean up the place, order the cake, and I call up all of the people that should have come to the party. Well, Luigi, you're not gonna have a time for all that. I'ma gonna call up all of your friends. How's that, eh? Oh, thank you, Pasquale. Here. Here's the list. Goodbye. Goodbye, Rosa. See you later. Some list. Since the Werners and Schultz have got so many friends. See, Rosa, what I'ma do to get a boy for you? Katie, we're in a big party for Luigi's the best friend, the Schultz. He's the best friend. I'ma brought Luigi to America. I'ma give him his first suit. I'ma give him his first pair of shoes. I'ma give him his first haircut. And the Schultz is his best friend. All of my life, I'ma do good things for people with no depreciation. I'm always good. Nice, kind, speak as soft. Papa! Shut up! Hey. My deal with Luigi is to cater the party. For nobody to show up, that's enough of my fault. What an idea. I'm gonna fix a new party, Mr. Schultz, but it's good. I'ma never have a party. Why should he? Hello, Horowitz? Listen, I bought the surprise party for tonight. We're calling for Luigi and he's to say the party's a postponement till next week. Yes. You see, a little mistake was made. Schultz was a born in the leaping year, so we gotta wait till it's a leap over. You don't understand. Well, what's the difference? There's no party tonight. Anyway, tell all the people they shouldn't have come. Luigi, it's a 20-after-eight. What are we standing around in my store for? In the party, in your store. Make it easy, Pascuali, there's no rush. In America, there's always a fashion to come a late to two parties. That's an etiquette. Oh, please, stop the court and Emily's a post. I made you a big party. I'ma wanna go in and see it. Pascuali, wait a few more minutes. Hey, look how nice you look. That's another thing I'ma no like. Why are you making me dress up for Schultz as a party? Look at this, a full dress of suit. I feel like I'ma walkin' around in my long underwear when it flaps a-hag it off. Come on, come on. If you're not a-goin' in, I'm a-goin' on myself. All right, Pascuali, I'ma go with you. Come on, now, come. Hey, Luigi, why are you takin' to my arm like that? You think are we gonna get married? Pascuali, you funny. Hey, Luca, parties are supposed to be in my store. But a store is a dark. Yes, you may be nobody's there. Yeah, could be. Well, are we goin' inside and see if anybody is in? Luigi, what are you yellin' about? I don't know, Pascuali. Wait, wait. I open up the door. I'ma comin' in with a Pascuali. Come on in, Pascuali. It's a matter of you. I'm here. Come on, I know you are a Pascuali. Hey, where is everybody? Hey, what are you, boob, mcnut? See you talkin' to yourself? If you're not gonna put on the light, I am. Hey, nobody is here. Well, that's no surprise after me. Hey, you make a party, you invite people, and nobody's a show-up. Even a fellow you make it a party for, he's a no-show-up. That's a gratitude. You know why people is a no-show-up? Because Schulz is another life. That's the why. Have a center with you, Pascuali. Which of you like the best? The corn and beef? What are the cheeses? Well, I'ma no hungry. Push them together. I eat them both. Look, there's a beautiful party you make up for him. All this food, the table so fine a set, that a birthday cake, just look at it. Happy birthday to... That's a funny way to spell it. Schulz, P-A-S-Q-U-A-L-E. Happy birthday, Pascuali. It's a surprise party for you. What? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Pascuali. Happy birthday to you. Luigi, I'ma got a terrible confession to make. Happy birthday, Pascuali. It's a small thing, a horror with the ocean. Father, I heard what you said on the telephone. I brought everybody to the party. And that's a good thing she did. This party was for you. Yeah, Mr. Pascuali. Luigi planned this party for you yesterday. But I don't understand what's to happen. I'ma call up, but nobody is coming. Not everybody is to walk in. You're doing that, Pascuali. You've got this poor boom cop for all of us shimmers. Luigi, I'ma no good a man. I'ma called up everybody and told him not to come. You what? I'ma so low I could shake your hands with a worm. You are even lower than that, Pascuali. You are so low, if you were wearing Dr. Scholl's foot pads, Dr. Scholl would be sitting on your head. That's all right, Scholl. Hey, wait a minute, Mr. Delicatessen, and don't you tell me how low I am. Oh, boy, cake, ice cream, candy. Mr. Backo, can I start eating now? Sure, Johnny, sure. Sure, go ahead. Eat the stuff for yourself until you get a sick. No, I don't want to eat the stuff. Papa, Papa, when are you going to make the announcement? Oh, the announcement. That's all right. Quiet, everybody, please. I've got an announcement to make. I was going to announce Luigi's engagement to my daughter Rosa. But, Luigi, I'm going to leave it that up to you. Whenever you make up your own mind about a Rosa, you're going to come to me. Himal, he just signed the amendsabasion for agnomation. I've got another announcement to make, especially for you, Luigi. I'm giving $100 to the boys at campus so little of Johnny could go away for the whole summer. Pascuali. Hey, Mr. Pascuali, thanks. Oh, I'm getting sick and tired of saving those rotten balls. All together, everybody, for he's the Johnny DeFerno, for he's the Johnny DeFerno. Oh, Pascuali, you must excuse me. I didn't know how old you were, so I only put a one-a-candle and a cake. Luigi, one-a-candle was just the right thing. This is my first birthday party. Hey, Luigi, I'm going to just throw something. I'm your best friend. That's the right of Pascuali. You're my best friend. And we always are going to be best friends with Luigi. Oh, what a fun we're going to have. Always sit together. Two buddies are like a high-ho and a silver. And so Mamma Mia was a wonderful birthday party. Everybody is going to want to find out how old Pascuali was. So Schultz's account is a thief. Pascuali doesn't say there's no use. His teeth is a false. But Schultz's account is a thief anyway, and I figured out how Pascuali's a dentist is a 32-year-old. And you should see the change in Pascuali. He's become so kind. When Ijani is accidentally dropped a plate, Pascuali is sure he's a perfect host, and he's dropped a plate, too. Then when Schultz is dropped a plate, Pascuali is dropped a two plate. And then when a whore wishes to drop a plate, Pascuali is a dropped three plate. I'm going to think to myself, how come Pascuali has got this so kind? Then I'm going to realize it's a my story and he's a dropper to my plate. Well, good night to Mamma Mia. You're a love and a son. Luigi Basko, Lily McGranton. The production was written by Matt Benhall, from Blue Bourbon and directed by Matt Benhall. J. Carol Nash, a star of this Luigi Basko with Alan B. Bascuali, Hans Tomlin and Schultz, married ship, as Miss Paul did in Jodie Gilt of his boat. Music is under the direction of Lynn Murray. Have you met my friend, Irma? She's a regular Monday night feature on most of the same CBS stations. So make a date with my friend, Irma, tomorrow night. Bob Stephenson speaking. Now stay tuned for it pays to be acknowledged follows immediately over most of the same stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.