 Okay, I'm 840 here. This stream wasn't supposed to start like this. I'm not fully prepared All right, I was using this spoon this morning I'm eating yogurt and I haven't even washed it yet. My god. My life is spiraling out of control. I Don't know. I'm stuck in something and it's beyond my power It feels like it's beyond my power and when you're stuck, all right When when when you're absolutely defeated It is it is essential that you admit that you are licked and I am licked. I got this really damaging downward spiral going on in my life I don't know how to overcome it every day in every way. I am looking more and more like Ellen DeGeneres and I don't want to look like Ellen DeGeneres and My my good friend Leponius pointed this out in the chat yesterday And I'm so grateful for him for telling me the fair nincombe honest truth So I was growing these side, you know, I had sideburns that were like down to here I think oh my god, it's gonna be time to just shave my head again But various reasons I don't want to go with the skinhead look right now Like Jews are just getting shot here in Pico Robertson. I don't want to look like a skinhead It's not the time for skinhead Luke So I thought I can stave off For another month, you know a fair dinkum haircut, you know a fair dinkum shaving of the old head if I just like Lop off the the enormous sideburns I was growing and now though, I'm looking like Ellen DeGeneres And I just got to admit defeat that my own best efforts got me here Right so like how the hell did I end up looking like Ellen DeGeneres? Well, it was choices I made without even being conscious of it that got me here And I'm not gonna be able to get out of this on my own So how do I get out of this downward spiral of looking more and more like Ellen DeGeneres every day? second thing So I was talking to a friend and he mentioned how he's been taking good care of himself He went and got a massage and the massage therapist is oh your body is wrecked You need to come back and see me as soon as possible You know I used to try that line on the lady. It's like all right. You're you're you're shorter You would you like a shorter rub, you know your shoulders just so tight, you know, I'm just gonna really need to get in there And then he gets the acupuncture and He gets the chiropractic adjustments and who knows soon he'll be transitioning to you know Alexander technique lessons and physical therapy and Psychological counseling now he's gonna go the whole yard way. I can't you imagine this here? I am the greatest writer of my generation the greatest live stream of my generation I am three minutes and six seconds into this live stream. I don't have one single bloody viewer I mean this is crazy. It's the elites. They're conspiring to hold me back. It's the it's the YouTube algorithm It's a Shonda I mean, what will the goyim think? All right Here I am Three minutes 29 seconds into a live stream. I finally have one viewer Bloody heck. Okay. So anyway, this guy's taking really good care of himself and You know who that reminds me of that reminds me of me because I am pretty emotionally immature in many ways I got like the emotional age of four-year-old and And so I love the bespoke right I love Alternative health because it's all like individually treated. It's like oh you strike me as a Gemini and you know We need to you know cleanse your auras. You know, I love all that stuff And so I had ten years of psychotherapy. I Had you know years of Alexander technique lessons I spent probably ever $12,000 in my life on physical therapy I've had probably 40 plus chiropractic adjustments You know, I just love being the focus of someone's attention. I can't be mothered too much I can't be nurtured too much. I can't be taken care of too much I just love being you know back to that childlike state where you know, someone's just coming along to take care of me Feel so good But It's a good for me. So all these things they used to spend money on well I'm now learning to do for myself So, you know, I love being someone else's focus of attention, but I've learned to become You know my own focus of attention like when I feel needy When I want attention, I've learned to give myself attention see by journaling You know all that money I spent on physical therapy well Well Actually everything that I was spending thousands of dollars on for physical therapy I Can now fix on my own with the activator Good old activator Just saw us me right out You just put me in a room alone with you for ten minutes. I'll sort you right out with this activator, mate So this simple $150 activator border on Amazon, you know bought the guidebook on how to use it to for another $150 and Saved myself thousand dollars plus on physical therapy a year. Good all activator. Oh Yeah, and then Good old Bob and Brad massage gun Good all Bob and Brad their physical therapists on YouTube. I've probably watched 50 plus of their videos so whenever I have an ache or a pain, you know, I just go on YouTube look for a physical therapist or a doctor and Now I find out, you know all sorts of solutions to my problems like I got a bit of golfers elbow right now. I just like Dig in there with the old Bob and Brad massage gun, I mean I've had this for I think what six nine months now Takes care of so many aches and pains I strongly recommend that the Bob and Brad massage gun and Then the old position or release all right I love position or release strain counter-strain physical therapy like a set of procedures I do every day pretty much morning and evening I haven't had my back go out on me since I started Positional release started, you know really mastering it about a year in so since about 2018 Never had you know my back go out and my back used to go out once or twice a year I'd be down for like three days at a time so All these modalities that I used to spend thousands of dollars on psychotherapy physical therapy Acupuncture chiropractic Alexander technique lessons You name it like anything that would give me individual attention, you know, I lapped it up loved it You know I spent spent money on it and now I get to just bank all that money Because I've learned to do for myself Everything that I used to pay other people for and do I look like a man who's in physical pain? Right. I am free. All right. I am I am Giselle. I am swan Lake Right. I am like Mikhail Baryshnikov Right. I'm like Mary Lou Retin All right, I feel so good Right, it's you know 429 heading into Shabas. Do you think that I feel pain in my shoulders? Do you think my shoulders are tense? Do you see furrows of unnecessary tension and compression just rippling across my face? Does my neck look like it's got a kink in it? Do you see unnecessary tension and compression? Patterns in my neck. Do you see all sorts of weird interfering? Muscular tension patterns across my chest or across my back or in my shoulders or in my arms. I am free I am open. I am Giselle Like I move with grace. I move with beauty. I'm a man in control of himself I'm a man with a sense of agency just floating through life You think I was walking 10-20 miles a day in Australia? I was floating 10-20 miles a day in Australia because I've got the Alexander technique and I've got my trusty activator and I've got the Bob and Brad massage gun and I've got my 12-step programs All right, once I really started getting into 12-step That are getting serious recovery on my under-owning by 2016 February 2016 That's when I ended my weekly, you know psychotherapy lessons haven't had to go back since I had my my voice lessons now I listen to Roger Love. What a great YouTube channel the great voice teacher Roger Love So, you know, I've got I got the voice of an angel. I Got the smile of Mary Lou Ratten Right. I got everything worked out Except this downward spiral of looking more and more like Ellen DeGeneres every day Bye-bye