 Hi, I'm Matthew Koost, head dating coach at commitmentconnection.com. And in today's video, we're going to talk about how men test women before they get married to them. And so if this is your first time to our channel, make sure that you go down and hit the subscribe button to get more videos on how to attract and keep the guy that you want to have in your life. So there are a lot of men who have been burned in relationships, in marriages. A lot of guys who have had women who have kind of taken a lot of money from them, who've lied in courts, who've done a lot of things. I used to be in the military and when I was in the military, we had this happen all the time. Guys would come back from a deployment and they would show up and their wife had taken everything out of their house, sold everything and left a note saying, hey, we're getting a divorce and then ended up taking money from the guy, ended up, you know, sometimes taking the kids away from the man and the man got really, you know, they get really frustrated, you know, it's a frustrating thing. Divorces are a frustrating thing. And I'm not saying that you should stay in a bad relationship or stay in a bad marriage. What I am saying is that guys are really hesitant these days because a lot of the marriage or a lot of the divorce laws really heavily favor women. And so a man, if he even thinks that or if he comes from a family like mine where they have lots of divorces, I mean, you know, half the people in my family have been married and divorced three times. And if they come from spaces like that, they're a lot more hesitant to get married. And they want to make sure that this woman is somebody who's not going to take advantage of them. They want to make sure that this woman is somebody that's really awesome and is going to, you know, that they can grow together and have an awesome life together. So I'm going to give you five things that men tend to test women for before they get married to them. Number one is, is this woman using me? So this is one of the biggest fears that a lot of guys have because a lot of women will just use men, right? They'll use men to be in a relationship with somebody. They'll use men to be like, oh, look, I've got this guy who's really rich and who's got a lot of things going on. A guy will test a woman to see if he thinks that she's using him or not. And so there's a few different ways that a guy might do this. And the first way is that he will bring up the topic of a prenup, right? Because a prenup is kind of like this thing that shields a guy from a woman taking advantage of him. And so if he brings up this topic, whether he's serious about it or not, he'll look to see how the woman kind of reacts to this idea of a prenup. And if she freaks out and loses her mind, that's a good signal to the guy that this is the type of woman that he does not want to get married to. So test number two is this test about does she feel like she's actually an equal partner in the relationship? Is she willing to pay when the guy doesn't have any money? And so a test that some guys will do, and I've heard guys talk about this before, is what they'll do is they'll go to somewhere after they've been dating a woman for a while. They'll go to somewhere where it's really cheap, like a coffee shop or something, and they won't bring their wallet with them. And what they'll do is they'll say, oh, man, I forgot my wallet. I don't have my wallet with me right now. And the woman, and he'll wait and watch to see what the woman does. If the woman's totally cool about it, and she's like, oh, don't worry about it. You've paid for me so many times, here I'll pay for it this time. If the woman does that, that's a great sign for the man. If she doesn't, if she freaks out and she's like, oh, well, what do you think? I'm going to pay for things? That's a really bad sign, right? And it shows the man that she's kind of using him for his money. So the third test that he's going to do under this, is she using me test, is a lot of guys will look to see if the woman's high maintenance. And so high maintenance women, what we mean in this case is, is she going to spend all of my money, right? Is she in debt? Is she bringing debt into this relationship, like credit card debt or something like that? Is she going to take the money that I have and blow it on stupid things that are unimportant and not necessary for the relationship? And so a lot of guys, like if you want to be a great marriage material for a man, help him save his money. Help him only spend money on things that are valuable and useful to the relationship and to both of you, because if he feels like you're using him for his money and you start spending all of his money, it's going to be a short relationship. It's going to be a short marriage because he's going to feel like he can't provide for you and that it's too much and you're taking too much away from him. So the second test that guys usually use to find out if a woman is really marriage material or not is, are you going to cheat on him? Does he feel like you're the type of woman who would cheat on him? And so the first test that I've seen guys use, I used to talk about with other guys and whenever I'd see this happen in the relationship, if it was going on with a guy, I'd always be like, get out man. This is not a good relationship. This person is probably going to cheat on you or she's going to make you feel really bad at some time in the future and it's called the loyalty test. And what it is is when you go out, when you go anywhere and you go to a place and there are other guys there, does she go out and flirt with those guys? If she does, that means that she's much less likely to be loyal to you. If she doesn't, that's a good sign. If when you're with a guy, you're with him, you're not going and flirting with other people, it's like, hey, I'm with this guy, I'm with him. That's what a guy wants. He wants loyalty. And if a woman is running around flirting with other guys, every guy knows. As soon as he sees a woman go and do that with other guys, he looks at the guy and the other guy looks at him and the guy's like, come on, man, really? And the other guy's like, yeah, I know, but I like her. And at some point the guy's like, he'll hear it from enough guys where he's like, this is either a bad idea or he'll be stupid and get married to this woman who ends up cheating on him and then I'm getting divorced. And so a lot of guys will use the loyalty test. So another test to see if a woman's going to cheat on him or not is looking at what she says about him behind his back. And so a lot of people will start talking about you to the man. If you have friends that are in common, if you're friends with his family, if he's friends with your family, he's going to hear things that you say about him. And if it's bad things, that's not good. You should only be saying good things behind his back to other people because that's all about loyalty. Is she going to stay faithful? Is she going to stay committed to me? If you're talking crap behind him, behind his back, he's going to feel like you're not going to be faithful to him. He's going to feel like you don't really respect him and you're not really loyal to him. And that could destroy any chance of you being marriage material for him. So number three is, is she going to restrict his freedom? So this is the third test and a guy tests for a woman to see if she's going to restrict his freedom. What this means is when he wants to go and hang out with his friends, when he wants to just hang out and have a chill day and just relax, what is she doing? Is she saying, no, you can't go and hang out with your friends? Is she saying, no, I'm going to fill up your day with a whole bunch of things that you don't want to go and do? So he's going to test her desire to restrict his freedom. And so if he can have time to himself, if he can have some space to himself, if he can go and hang out with his friends when he wants to, that is a test that a guy will use to see if you're somebody that's going to take away this thing that is very, very important to men, which is freedom. The second way a man tests to see if you're going to take away his freedom is if you pull him away from his passions. And so a lot of times a guy will have something that he's really working on that's really important to him. And there's kind of a fine line between being like, hey, you know, we've got this other thing that we already planned, let's go and do it. And like trying to pull him away and keep him from his passion and the thing that he really loves to do. And so a lot of times women will associate his passion in a negative light because she feels like it's taking her man away from her. And I get that. I totally get that. But at the same time, it's something that's really important to him. And so if that's really, really important to him and he feels like you're trying to pull him away from that, it can be a really big red flag for him that you're going to kind of clamp it down even more in a relationship or in a marriage when you feel like you no longer have to behave when you're around him because you've already got him. You know, and so that's another test that a guy will have. So the last test that I want to talk about is this test of knowing how to do basic human being stuff. And it's really interesting in this day and age, there's a lot of women that don't know, there's a lot of men and women that don't know how to do very basic human things, right? Like knowing how to cook, knowing how to clean up after yourself, knowing how to function on your own, knowing how to live in the world without needing somebody to be there and do all those things for you. And it's just, it's fascinating to me, this isn't like, I'm telling women that women need to cook and clean and stuff. I know how to cook, I know how to clean, I know how to function on my own and a lot of guys do these days as well and they look at a woman and they're like, does she know how to do these things to the extent that he does, right? If a guy meets a woman and he wants to end up having kids and stuff and she has no idea how to function and be a part of that relationship where she can kind of take care of those kids and make sure that the kids don't run off a cliff and die or something, he's going to be much more wary of whether he wants to be in a marriage with that woman or not. So these are the things that a man tests a woman for to see if she's marriage material and I hope they didn't kind of come off as kind of mean, but those are real things that men test women for to see if they're marriage material and it's important that you know what some of these things are, if you want a man, especially a man who's been burned before or a man who's been hurt before, if you want a guy like that to end up getting married to you at some point, you have to be the type of woman that he'd want to get married to, men take this idea of marriage and commitment very, very seriously and women seem to take it less seriously for whatever reason, but they're like, why doesn't he marry me? It's like, well, are you somebody that he thinks would be a great person to get married to? You know, and if you're not, that could be a really big problem in your quest to get into this marriage.