 Hi, I'm George Kow and this video is for those of you men out there and women who care about their men So I am going to be interviewing Todd Grishek. He is an a men's empowered action coach and we're gonna talk about that what that means we're gonna talk about authentic emotion and How that connects to our feelings and thoughts as well as our and how body movement works into that as well To help change the sort of internal Mindset that then creates the results in the in our lives So let me read you Todd's bio and then I'm gonna bring him on So Todd is a men's empowered action coach His mission is to co-create a strong and compassionate world by facilitating transformation through understanding Trust and empowerment His desire is to see every man empowered to live the life that he wants to be living So you can learn more about Todd and his coaching style at www.empoweredmencoaching.com and he also has a Facebook page, which I'm gonna link to so Todd great to have you here Well, thank you George. I'm excited to be here today I appreciate the invitation to talk with you and share with your audience a little bit about what I do Yeah, absolutely. So Let's go into it. You've got so much you want to share with us. And so where would you like to start like authentic emotion? That's one of the things that The clients about what does that mean? well, let me back up just a minute because I'm an ontological coach and so there's different types of life coaches out there and my particular Resonance is with this thing called ontology and ontology is where we take the language that we speak We take the emotions we feel and We use our body position and movement to create this transformational space and so I think of it like a Venn diagram and so we've got emotions language body And we're all three of those intersect when they're congruent and they're all working together. That's where The change happens. That's where this process happens that we can create the Forward movement the positive action that we're looking for in our lives. I Like that so that Venn diagram language Emotion and body that's correct. That's correct. Nice. I I'd like to give you an example of that because I think this I think this example helps make it clear how this process works so I had a client and The client was in the construction trades and he had an account at a local Supplier had at the account for years and he went into the supplier one day and the line was huge to go through the Contractor check out where they just put things on the account blah blah blah And my friend sometimes isn't that patient and so he thought you know what I'm late for my job I got to be at the site. I'm just gonna take these things run to the site drop him off And then I'll come back and I'll put him on the thing and that's exactly what he did So he left when he came back. He was met by the manager at the store and they said hey man You stole some stuff and he goes. No, I didn't steal it. He goes I Just was really under pressure and their line was too long and nothing was happening And I had to go and I you know, you go and those guys says I don't really care You stole it that you didn't pay for it. You stole it and a process happened after that point and Basically, they banned the guy from the store and he had been with this Store for years and years and years and it really messed him up as far as who he felt he was and what he was about because he was very honest and trustworthy guy and So he came to me with this and it was affecting everything he was doing It's like he didn't want to go bid jobs. He just he was in this state of shame and It wasn't who he was he wasn't a thief that's not how we saw himself and you know, he was really disconnected on all points So what I asked him to do As I asked him to think about a time where he was very honest where He went above and beyond or you know, he stepped into a place that was quite obvious Where an honest what an honest person would do so he came up with that Came up with a few different ones actually it's quite easy for him to do and so I said okay So tapped into that energy. Where is that energy in your body? And he says well, you know, it's kind of right here in my chest and I said alright So just you know feel it let it grow let it get bigger and so he could definitely tapped into the energy of an honest man And what that feels like how it makes him feel and I said, okay So I said stand up and so he stood up and I said alright now take this emotion take this energy and Walk around the room show me what a guy who's honest and trustworthy looks like and what he does And so he took that emotion walked around the room I said so what are you doing because he's right goes well He goes my shoulders are out my chest is up. I'm just feeling really good. I'm looking people in the eye I'm being direct with them. I said yeah, okay And I said alright, so what is the language? What's the the message the mantra the words in your head that support this energy of An honest man here and he says I'm an honest and trustworthy man. I said great So I had him walk around the room. I'm an honest and trustworthy man shoulders up Chest out tapped into this energy mid chest and I said alright great and he really felt it. I said great. I said now Let's switch back to how you were feeling before This bit of shame this bit of like I'm a thief and these people are just you know I've lost my reputation whatever it is for you so he slipped back into it and You know shoulders slumping and he's you know, just not a good place and I said alright So go ahead tap into that feeling of an honest and trustworthy man. And so he did that stood up moved his body tapped into the energy Verbally spoke out loud. I'm an honest and trustworthy man and You know moved around the room and the point of going in and out of the situation is this transformational space You can access it and use it But it takes a little bit of practice and the more you do in and out with it When he then finds himself in a situation where he's feeling this shame or remembering this Conversation with the store manager or you know, him walking out of the store with the things that he didn't pay instead of self condemnation instead of walking in that place of Disempowerment he can tap into the emotion shift his body Say the language and move forward and get done what he needs to do. So That's how I use ontological coaching with my clients when things come up they're getting in their way of Them getting what they want and achieving their goals. That's a powerful example, you know, it's because basically you are helping him become more mindful of His body and it's sort of his emotional state and those things can actually be generated You know at will Yeah, you know what you're saying and most of us don't do that. Most of us kind of let the external circumstances dictate what our Emotions and our body movements are and then we can become victims of life Essential. Yeah. Yeah, that can happen and what I really love about the three facetedness of the ontological coaching is that sometimes One of them is out of whack like maybe I just don't feel very Powerful or stronger in his case. I don't feel trustworthy today. I'm just you know feeling the shame and it's like Even a subtle shift of the body just sitting down in a chair and just going like this Pushing the chest out a little bit broadening the shoulders That itself can open up the area for the emotion of a trustworthy and honest man to show up And then it's very congruent and it's making sense when I say I'm an honest and trustworthy man It's it's not like an affirmation where you don't believe it. It's like yeah, I feel it. It's there Nice, that's brilliant. So what what other kinds of issues time to come up and you're coaching with clients What's another issue? I Coach clients on a variety of things, you know Let me just address the topic of issue Because oftentimes the client comes to me and they just have a goal It's like hey, you know, I've been trying to like wake up at 5 a.m. Every day because there's this morning routine I want to put together and it's just not happening or you know, I have a weight loss goal or an exercise goal. I mean Those aren't earth shattering. They're just just normal things we want to do to create a happy life And what and I'm like great. Let's do it. So a lot of it is just very step-by-step process type stuff but inevitably what happens is I There's a wrench that gets thrown in or something's not working and it's that not working piece that then becomes what I have What I label as a false belief and it's this false belief that's getting in our way of the next step in our process of a goal. So It's a very important concept In coaching to me and in goal achievement And what I'd like to do George is to just address the idea of Reframing a false belief could we got a few minutes to do that? Oh, absolutely. That sounds great. Yep. Okay. Let's do that All right, so I'm going to show you how this is done and I'm going to use a personal example of my own and So basically this is what happens in life In usually when we're a kid an event happens and And the event has an impact on us and then From that impact we create this meaning and from the meaning we have associated behaviors that we begin to live our life by It's really weird, right? And it's very it's powerful. It's sticky. It's kind of gross actually because The meaning and the belief is false. So depending on how long we live our life in this particular space It's it's it's actually sad. So in my life. I was 12 years old. I Was in this aluminum boat Outboard motor boat. I was with my my stepdad my real dad died when I was three my stepdad married my mom when I was five So this and I'm 12 so this guy's in my life most of my life So it's my stepdad my grandfather my four uncles and my older male cousin and me every man in my life every male figure in my life is in this boat and So we're in the boat and there's four on each side and we're kind of back-to-back and we're fishing and my grandfather He's like, oh my and we're out there for hours, right? My grandfather says stands up because I can't take him or he goes I got a pee and so he just you know, it's gonna pee off the side of the boat and my stepdad says Todd close your eyes and I was like what and So that was the event the event was he said Todd close your eyes the impact on me was this tremendous amount of shame or humiliation or Confusion and I almost Immediately attached this meaning to what he said. It's like I don't belong there's something wrong with me and It's stuck with me until I was 40, okay? And so from this impact from this meaning of I don't belong then the behavior start and the behaviors become a lack of self-confidence become a lack of voice a lack of being heard and so pretty much that's how I live my life and You know As kids we don't have the emotional range or the ability to sort through things and figure things out and as an adult we do and As an adult we just have to deal with things and move forward But whenever I was in a place with a group of men I was in the back. I was quiet because Like it or not in the back of my head. I had this I don't belong message going on Alright, so how do you fix it? So the reframe is You know did the event happen? Yeah, the event happened. My dad said Todd close your eyes and What meaning did I give that event? Well the meaning I gave it was I don't belong I don't belong in the world of men. I don't belong with a group of guys. I mean something's wrong with me, right and then We asked the question. Well, did you act over time like this meaning that you gave the event was true about you? And it's like, well, yeah, I did man It's like I did almost anything I could to avoid being stuck with a group of guys where I would have to interact and you know be seen and you know, whatever the situation was and Then you ask Is the meaning actually true about you? I mean the event was just data. My dad just said Todd close your eyes. It had no meaning whatsoever And I'm like, well No, I mean, I do belong in fact. I had belonged I mean like it or not I fell into situations where I found myself in groups of men and I had to perform I had to do things and it was just fine, right regardless of what my belief was so Then the next question becomes Can you see or the statement is can you see how this false story may have prevented you from doing things in your life from Attempting things from achieving things from and in my life. That was absolutely true I mean in my life, it was like, let's just be in the background Let's not do too much and let's just kind of you know coast through and I miss a lot of opportunities of during those years So the next question is are you willing to take 100% responsibility For the meaning that you created or that I created in this case Because that's the thing there's no victim here, there's no one to blame Basically data is data. It doesn't have an opinion. It doesn't have a judgment. It has nothing. It just shows up Anything that happened an event is only what the meaning is that we give it and that was the meaning I gave it. I gave it. I don't belong. No one said that No one reinforced that no one wrote it down Didn't do anything. That's what I gave it. So I took responsibility for that and so then Recognizing that I created this whole thing That wasn't true and that I did have the ability to create and to Move forward to change to whatever it is. I want to do It creates a whole different platform of possibilities from this place and in my life One of the things I did is I got very involved in men's personal growth work and then I eventually became a life coach so for me the possibilities were huge and it was a completely different shift and change in my life and direction and it's one that makes me very happy and It all changed because I changed a belief that I had been living under that actually wasn't true That's amazing. Thank you for sharing that example. I'm sure those watching those was watching this can Probably there are probably examples like that in our own life, too and I Love that you are kind of walked us through very quickly This these sort of questions that you would be asking if you were your own client That's you know and how you how you would work through it. So if anyone watching this is Imagining well not imagine but there is something in your life that probably caused some you know or reinforced a Thought about yourself that is has just been keeping you keeping you down. Well, maybe you can work with Todd on unpacking that and then Shifting that that's really powerful. So When Once let's I imagine this probably Might be in one session or might be multiple sessions, but once the belief has been Shifted What net what then what happened then Well, it's a two-part process One is I have found in my own life and working with other men the shift is a bit of a continuous process Kind of like the example of my client where I had him shift in and out of the shame place and the I'm an honorable and trustworthy man So in my example The shift is from I don't belong to I'm a strong and powerful man and I fucking do belong right here, right? That is that that's a shift for me. And so I End up in places Where maybe I'm scared or maybe it's a stretch for me to be here Or maybe you know, whatever and I can have that thing show up of oh, you don't belong But what I do I do the same thing I did with my client I Tap into where does that strong powerful man? Where's that emotion? Where does it live? How does it stand? How does it show up, you know, and I move forward on that So it's it's about accessing the energy that is the Opposite of that false belief, right? So you're standing in that in that positive direction So then the other part is what is it you want to do? What is the life you want to create for yourself? What is the goal you want and let's move forward unless create it and and That then becomes the process that we go through and I can imagine that when clients work through you are continually reinforcing the then the new mindset that That they are that they want to have and my cat is agreeing with this conversation Thank you so as we as we start closing off this this Chat, you know, we're coming in and end of our time when When people start working like how what's the process? How do people begin working with you and how do you know? How do they reach out to you? Sure. Absolutely. They can reach me at my website. I have a phone number there. My email is there Facebook is a great place to reach me as well We'll set up an appointment. I do a one-hour free session first go around and it gives us an opportunity to Feel the energy between us see if it's going to be a workable process It gives us an opportunity to actually work on a real issue with the client and at the end of that hour It is an opportunity for the client to decide if this is the direction that he would like to go and move forward in with me or not I've got some prices posted on my website, but everything's very individualized I meet with some clients twice a week once a week twice a month, you know It's all over the place. It really depends on what the client wants and then I can work that out Awesome. Excellent. So folks, if you're interested go to www.empoweredmencoaching.com and All or on Facebook empowered men coaching as well. The links will be in the notes of the video Todd any sort of Parting words of encouragement or a risk them you want to share with us Yeah, there is life is too short to live in a box and If where you're at isn't working for you or there's something that you really want or want to explore or Really want to pursue the time now time to do it is now. We never know if we're gonna have a tomorrow. Don't wait Just enjoy and embrace the journey Awesome. Thank you so much. Todd. All right. Thank you George. Bye. Bye