 Everybody get up. It's time to suck now this movie broke me I'm gonna start this review by quoting the great Bill Murray I don't know if he came up with this line of dialogue, but I believe he said it and that's enough for me He said it's hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it's damn near impossible to win one with a stupid person I think that can be applicable to movie criticism as well. It's very hard to criticize a smart movie It's damn near impossible to criticize a stupid one speaking of which let's talk about space jam A new legacy Now cards on the table. I'm not a fan of the first space jam It's it's passable like I can watch it and think man. Why am I watching this? Space Jam a new legacy is just so insulting to its very core I don't even know where to begin now I should back up and talk about my opening dialogue where I said it's almost impossible to criticize a stupid movie Because many people are gonna be like what are you talking about Adam? It's really easy to do that. Well, when you get to the level of space jam a new legacy and since it is a family family friendly film There's a lot of caveats you put on that There's a lot of this protective bubbling around these types of movies where people will automatically shove out these excuses This movie is just supposed to be fun. This movie is not supposed to be American History X Just turn your brain off try having some fun. It's meant for kids What if I told you you can have your cake and eat it too? Which is not even a fair expression to put on movies like this because that discredits the whole phrase Having your cake and eating it too means you're doing something. That's borderline impossible Making a competent film for all ages is something that's highly achievable and has been done a tons of times Pixar does it Disney does it hell water brothers is done it themselves I'm extra fast and furious right now because I just recorded what I considered to be the swan song of my movie critic career I had already reviewed this film and my audio was not turned on So if I put out the version I'd already done it's gonna sound like shit and unlike space jam a new legacy I actually care a little bit about the product. I'm making no I don't have the stupidly large budget. They for some reason crapped into this and I certainly don't have the name recognition Undisplay and I'm not just talking about King James. I'm talking about Like half of the Warner Brothers line-up is in this thing and for no reason at all other than I know that oh Remember that cool beans. Look at that guy. Where should I begin with this turd of a film? LeBron James, maybe he looks pissed through this whole thing now I get that his character is supposed to be kind of kind of angry at his son He's very dismissive. He was raised a certain way and can't understand why his son doesn't want to play basketball He wants to design video games But fuck dude like you can be like an uncle Phil and fresh Prince and not agree with you know with Prince himself Will Smith, but I can still agree with both of you I can see both sides and and I have a warmness and a fondness for these characters LeBron James is just mad He's just he's just angry through this and I didn't like him. I didn't like his character He also comes off as incredibly naive because his son Dom is the most gifted talent ever Burved and I have to apologize if I get this wrong because I was blacking out several times during this film But I believe his son Dom developed an app that allows him to capture in real time the physical 3d body language of anything. It's in front of Translate it to his his app and rebuild the character you can infuse Animalistic abilities into them what just on the fly just willy-nilly What is this movie so LeBron's son doesn't want to play basketball? Which is all LeBron James knows and he's serious about he takes it very seriously His kid wants to develop games clearly He's incredibly talented at it and he really wants to take part in this e3 build a bear Video game thing that I don't think his son even needs to be part of because he's a easy damn damn talent when it comes to building He should be running the e3 event, which I didn't know existed until I saw this film So guess good marketing good synergy guys this movie's definitely about brand synergy I remember being incredibly pissed off by Ralph breaks the internet not only because it's a shit movie But because of all the brand integration and just how insulting it was to the viewers. This is like Oh Hold my iron giant we can get way worse This makes emoji movies script look self-respecting the only other major character in this is Don Cheadle We'll get to him in a second as we kind of graze over whatever sort of a plot This is pretending to have there's an episode of 30 Rock, which if you haven't seen I highly recommend it It's hilarious. It's well-ridden. It's everything this movie isn't anyway There's an idea presented called Seinfeld vision where they're gonna take Jerry and they're gonna put him in all the different NBC shows without Jerry even having to really do anything This is the exact idea that Warner Brothers presents to LeBron James They say hey, we have this new technology that's super advanced where we can put you into any movie Any property without you really having to lift a finger. How cool does that sound? LeBron doesn't go for this which is very upsetting to the real architect The real puppet master behind the scenes his name is LG rhythm and he's played by Don Cheadle I told you we'd get there LG rhythm. Why does that sound vaguely like a different word Adam? Well, that's because it is let me blow your goddamn mind LG rhythm hmm Okay LG rhythm Algorithm that sounds like algebra. Maybe I should try saying it a couple more times Algorithm Algorithm algorithm. Holy shit. That's like a that's like a programming term Y'all gonna make me lose my mind up in here up in here. Y'all gonna make me go all out This movie is so freakin deep now. Why is Don Cheadle's character named LG rhythm though What does he have to do with the algorithm because he is the algorithm? He's stuck inside of the server verse You heard me he's stuck inside of the server verse In the very building where King James is slowly being whined and dined by executives There is a server room Massive server room that houses all those beautiful Warner Brothers properties that we've grown to love over the years that they shoved down Our goddamn throats throughout the film and inside of these servers is an entire universe That's being held together by Don Cheadle, but Algorithms mad nobody knows all the great things. He's doing in the server verse Nobody knows he is the architect behind the scenes making all our wildest dreams come true Like the final season of Game of Thrones for instance Game of Thrones is referenced in this film several times because it's a Looney Tunes movie So Game of Thrones So Casa Blanca So Mad Max Fury Road So the Matrix So a Clockwork Orange So what the fuck is this movie using LG rhythms algorithm? He has determined that LeBron James is the most popular face In the universe basically I'm starting to glitch out there Subscribe for glitches only bitches don't subscribe for glitches Are you a bitches? So it just makes sense to use King James in movies because he's an actor When this doesn't inevitably work because it sounds like the stupidest idea ever Don Cheadle has to cook up another idea and another idea He cooks up pretty quickly and it's to kidnap Dom thereby forcing LeBron's hand to go into the server verse after him Through all these different ready player one reference planets like like the Wizard of Oz Like King Kong you go through Harry Potter world. It's so damn cool And it was just done a few years earlier in ready player one So therefore I'm calling this film ready player dumb and a lot of people don't even like ready player one So I mean shit. What are you gonna say about this? Experts this leads me to several questions when you go into the server verse a digital Representation of yourself is made a copy of sorts is is presented in this universe where your original body goes However is anybody's guess they disappear I know that because later on people that are on their phones or watching TV or listening to any sort of tech That's connected can be pulled into this place, too LG rhythm is just is just pulling people in left and right Were they driving cars at the time did those cars just smash into people where they flying a plane and the plane just You know crashed into an orphanage your guess is as good as mine and the scripts because they don't they don't bother talking about any of it Who cares right? We're here for basketball. We're here for Looney stuff speaking of basketball There isn't any until maybe 45 minutes in where we get a little bit of a training montage Because the tunes I guess forgot how to play from the first movie We do however to the film's credit get a very lengthy 35 40 minute basketball game at the end It's all building to the ending from the point LeBron is in the server verse to that final game Though is a whole lot of shenanigans. It's a trip through Nostalgia verse a lot of memba berries. This is the definition of a rant video for me Holy crap the structure is just out of control. I have so much to say but I have no Possible way of organizing it I have to point out that my kids were watching with me my 12 year old girl my 9 year old son They think like I do because I raised them and I'm there for them So we have you know, we have opinions sometimes they vary but for the most part since I've introduced them to a lot of films Arguably some they shouldn't have seen yet. They have an appreciation for the art and filmmaking is an art Storytelling is an art. This movie is none of that There's art on on the screen, but how it's used is How it's used is not art. It's It's disgusting their cousin came over. He's nine borderline ten loved the kid to death Very different tastes than my family a very different movie up bringing for instance some movies This kid would watch and repeat would be shark tail or a B movie The film equivalent of cancer to me he quite enjoys he likes he likes those types of movies So for him watching this movie. He's he's just loving he's eating it all up He said it was better than the first movie before the first five minutes completed. He loves LeBron James He mentioned how LeBron does the meme face. I don't know what the fuck that means, but he really dug it He loved seeing Rick and Morty He was cheering when he saw Rick and Morty now because he watches it You can't watch it, but he saw them in fortnight and he knows that they're cool characters. So Yeah Cool, this is where we're at now This is where we're at now and I would never shit on a kid's experience watching a film So I kept my mouth shut through it I would glance over at my kids who would already be glancing back like What the hell is this thing? But we stay quiet, you know, we want him to have fun and if you like this movie You're either nine or an idiot in either case good for you We have a cavalcade of silly characters going into different movies and different TV shows and whatnot. Oh look over there It's the Animaniacs. Hey, it's the iron giant who just gets a hoared out in all these different movies Cool, he fist bumped King Kong. I hope they fist me later fist bump me later Sweet Lola bunnies in this again Remember her in the first movie and how hot and sexualized she was as a rabbit Which was weird, but at least it gave me something to watch during stupid space jam They took that away from me now I don't even have a sexualized cartoon animal that makes me feel weird about myself to enjoy for a couple hours God damn it. Lola bunny is found during the trials of Wonder Woman 84 Remember Wonder Woman 84 and how well that was received They went all in with that opening number. She's she's doing the trials I think gal Gadot is doing the voice of the animated Wonder Woman If not props to the the voice actor. You sounded very close. I don't know why it's comic book style I guess this is a comic book Universe that that they go in to find Lola bunny Did you know a new matrix comes out this year Warner Brothers does Synergy baby the granny does the Trinity pose Cool, it's like it's 1999 all over again or whenever the matrix came out and everybody was doing Parodies the only positive I'll give to this film is the final basketball match that of course doesn't make a lick of sense The whole stupid movie doesn't make sense LG rhythm as far as I know his entire plot is to pull people into his universe Win a basketball game by defeating LeBron James so that he's respected Profit he's already able to pull in every single human being on planet earth into his stupid server Verse so everybody would know who he is right? Why does he need the cockamamie scheme to play basketball? He already has godlike abilities What is his end game here? It makes no sense Meanwhile, you got boy genius Dom who's playing for him because he can't have a two-minute Conversation with his dad that Don Sheetal's characters that in fact the bad guy and gonna keep them stuck there Like nobody's even taking two seconds to figure out the fact that this is fucking nuts They're inside of a computer simulated world. No one seems to bat an eyeball about it Meanwhile, they're also pulling in professional athletes giving them skyrocketed abilities perfect handling perfect shooting Perfect accuracy like what the fuck? How are they even close to winning this game the boy designed and developed the video game that they're playing the version of Basketball they're playing is based on the kids game, so he should be able to win this thing in like two seconds flat I know I'm overthinking this but who cares. It's so stupid. My mind can't even handle it Why isn't Lola Bunny hot anymore? But don't think about it. Look at the crowd. Look at all the people There's the Batman characters from the 70s show who are for some reason not actually watching the ballgame in front of them They're just making dumb-ass faces looking around like And then me Seriously the live-action characters who by the way look nothing like the original actors who played them They were all obviously shot ahead of time and then green screen popped into this film And they were just told to make the most over-the-top obnoxious facial expressions. They're just like But sometimes actually a lot of times they're not even looking at what's happening directly in front of them They'll be all sorts of crazy shenanigans happening and the characters will be looking that way like Meanwhile the shit's happening on that side of the basketball court Towards the end of the film and I know this is gonna be a shocker to you But the two in squads getting their ass kicked and so they go into the locker rooms for their little halftime break And one of the characters and this is the only part. I actually chuckled at the only part I said that was kind of funny says Michael Jordan's here You know the guy from the first film he the basketball player slash baseball player slash living legend He's gonna come in and talk to LeBron and it's gonna be this epic moment and they're really building it up So clearly I already know Michael Jordan's not coming in and there's gonna be some stupid joke But in comes Michael B Jordan the actor and I thought okay that was kind of funny even though I knew something was gonna happen and wouldn't be Michael Jordan that was kind of funny And I look over and none of the kids know Michael B. Jordan So this joke once again showcases that this movie doesn't know how to write a script for both adult and kid at the same time It just goes all in one way or the other and so I had to stop and be like yeah His name is Michael B. Jordan. He's an actor. He's he's creed in which the kids were like And I'm like Killmonger from Black Panther and like oh Like all right. Let's let's keep watching So while the joke worked for maybe 25% of the audience It's also Simultaneously kind of a screw you to the fans of the first movie or just people that know the first film Which is I would assume mostly everybody watching this one that wanted to see Michael Jordan Because now I'm thinking all right film you teased him you better come through with the actual Michael Jordan before this is over I didn't really have any expectations, but now you're setting the stakes. You're basically saying we're Acknowledging Michael Jordan the first film. We're gonna come through with it and they don't He never shows up Well done. I should have expected nothing less from this turd factory since this basketball game has no rules at all And nothing makes sense Don Cheadle decides at the end I'm gonna power up and become the basketball player why he didn't do this to begin with I'll never know because I figure beating LeBron James as a better basketball player would be even you know That would be like the ultimate right since you apparently have a hard on for this guy Why not beat him at his own game? Quite quite literally so now we have real looking Don Cheadle who I don't know why he's real looking to begin with inside the server verse Becoming CG monstrosity Don Cheadle who's playing against CG nightmarish versions of the tunes and then LeBron Who's also in his real form and then his kid who's in his real form It has super abilities and then the the monster squad who has super abilities and look like spiders and shit I just what nothing about this adds up then at some point in case you weren't sick of this There's a basketball player that comes in for no reason who can slow time down Why doesn't he just stay in the whole goddamn game? And if you haven't already been sick and tired of the quicksilver shit where he goes into slow motion Bullet time and everybody's kind of like doing nothing but him or flash doing it or sonic the hedgehog We get it twice. I think in this with this time, dude, and then the Roadrunner gets a little one as well So this just there's no creativity anywhere in this film spoiler alert the tune squad wins Everything goes back to how it should be Thanks. I don't know what really happens to the the server verse. I guess I guess algae rhythms is dead There's something who cares e3's back the kids get Dom's going to e3 LeBron James grew as a person And I die a little bit more inside. I'm giving Space Jam a new shit-a-see Five out of 1,000 rabbits feet They make a rabbit's foot joke in this and then these these scores are highly inconsistent If you saw Space Jam a new legacy and agree with me leave me a comment to tell me something You loved about it. If you did in fact like it. Why? Alright, that's the show. Thanks for watching and hopefully I'll see you next time No, Lola didn't even move it a little when she showed up. Oh, they're still here Hey, thanks again for watching. Make sure to subscribe if you haven't I put out videos weekly. It's it's a good time We have fun here. I'm on patreon at patreon.com slash Adam does movies I have a second channel called Adam Olinger where I rant about inconsequential things Sometimes I upload twitch highlights. Yeah, I'm a twitch too and Adam Olinger. I'm all over the place doing doing pretty mediocre all around so support