 So today I want to talk about the anatomy of transformation. And the key part of this, understanding this, is that this is the key to building extraordinary relationships in your life. And you need to start out and align yourself internally before you operate in the external world. And when you can do that, you can be extremely powerful in what you do. The point is you need to get clear and unstuck internally, so then you can act powerful in the real world. And what happens is when you show up and you try to implement new leadership, relationship skills, or influence skill sets, if you aren't authentic, vulnerable speaking your truth and generous within boundaries, people can tell because nonverbal communication makes up 90% of our interactions. So people can tell that you're off-kilter, but when you do the work and you show up, people are magnetically attracted to you because they're like, I want to get what that person has. And it's so much easier to sell, to lead, to have better communication between colleagues, and really you can even change your entire culture inside of your organization. And so I want to go through this process right here to explain what makes it up. And on the top layer, you have the behavior level, right? Whatever behavior that you want to change in your life. And that's extremely hard because everyone's made a New Year's resolution in their life and they've said, I want to lose weight or I want to do this. I want to sell more. I want to be more of whatever it is that you want. And then you have that aha moment. Maybe you read a book, went to a seminar, or you spoke to someone else and you had this idea in your head and then you woke up and then what happened? Nothing. Business as usual. So operating the behavior level is really hard because there's so many layers below it. There's a subconscious and conscious layers that make up the things that we do. And so operating at this level and trying to change it is really difficult and that's why even if someone can do it in one area in business, they won't be able to do it in another area. And the second level down from here is the story. And I call this the external story in our life. And these stories are things such as people don't want to buy from me. People don't want to listen to me. People don't want to date me if it's in a personal interaction at that point. And that's really powerful because these stories are what make up our life. They are the blueprint in how we operate along with our belief system. They're our roadmap in life. And the challenge is with the story as well as with beliefs, which we're going to cover a little bit later, is the fact that we make the stuff up all the time. So I'll give you an example. You're in a business meeting. The leader asks a question you answer. And then what happens is you look across the room and someone rolls their eyes and looks at you. And so what happens at that point is you think to yourself they didn't like me or they didn't like what I had to say. But the reality is all you know is that they looked at you and they rolled their eyes. And that's it. We color in the stories because we get a payback in our head called dopamine when we get answers and we find them in a very fast way. But the reality is that that really hurts us and holds us back because we don't interact with that person. And in that instance what I've done now is I'll go up to a person like that and say you know the story I've made up in my mind is that you didn't like me or didn't like what I had to say. And that actually opens the door for a real conversation to happen. But again the challenge is there you operate the story level so what happens is you can do it through affirmations, training, doing reframing which is taking a negative thought and replacing it with something more positive. Well the problem is in our head is that when we get resistance or negative points and they happen especially many of them the little voice in our head pops up which I'm sure you can relate to and says jeez I told you couldn't do that. See you weren't good enough. See people really didn't like you. And what happens is we get stuck in this pattern over and over again and that's how people get stuck when they're operating at this level. The key level is right here. This is the key, right? You can think about it as an iceberg. What's below the water will either make or break you and the emotional level is absolutely key in life because emotions are why we do everything. Everyone came here today because there are emotions that they get from being a part of this group and why that is is that no one's logical in life as I went through the example on how we extrapolate information and it's basically a conspiracy theory. So at this emotional level down here emotion is driving the car, cognition and behavior are in the backseat and that is true for every single person and we will do anything in our life to not feel. We don't want to feel negative emotions in our life and the challenge with that is the research says we don't want to feel negative emotions fully we can't fully feel positive emotions and what we do in life to take down is we blame other people you've all had an opportunity where in the morning you woke up someone spilled coffee on you you got in a traffic jam and all these crazy things happen that you perceived as negative you walk in an office and you bite someone's head off. Well that's blaming other people instead of dealing with it. No man, people do this all the time with addictions in their life. They push down their emotions and don't feel it and they tell people everything's fine, everything's okay and there's quite a bit of other reasons that people push emotions down but at this layer it's important for you to recognize what your emotions are, get curious about them and then understand the body where you feel them. Well the next level down below that is your beliefs and a belief is having absolute certainty around something and that is really key because if you have absolute certainty around not being good enough, not being smart enough that's really powerful in your life and when it comes to beliefs at this level they're more limiting beliefs and limiting beliefs internally in your life and again this is the roadmap and the blueprint on how you operate in the world and create habits and these create neurological pathways in your brain as well so it's actually about genetics in this process as well and that's really important to start to take a look at so your belief system is absolutely critical to really understanding the process of creating change in your life. Well as we operate and go a layer deeper in the first level it's what I call modeling after childhood and the key thing there is understanding that absolute certainty around something well that something is what's down here and what happens is under the age of 10 we learn a lot and we feel like our parents or siblings or maybe important family member are like God to us and then we basically learn information we accept it and we model it at that point so we have ingrained patterns in our life and you need to recognize what those patterns are and how they will affect you in your life because then you can move forward after understanding what's going on at that point. Now I'll give you a quick example of how this actually played out with a client of mine. I did some sales training and a client came in and she was saying that she was really successful in her sales career but it was starting to plateau and why was that? Well she had a very high pitched voice and what happened was as early on in childhood when she was on the phone and even in her teenage years her grandmother and mother would make fun of her and basically say you have a really high pitched voice no one wants to talk to you, I can't understand you so what happened was she'd do anything not to have to get on the phone and it's amazing that she had the sales career she did but it really started to affect her in many ways in her personal life and so what happened was understanding all of that understanding the feelings of shame, guilt and sadness and looking through the beliefs and down to understanding that now what happened was I just said to her to make a simple shift it was just a really small shift and that shift was start telling everyone in the beginning of your interaction that the reason you got into sales was because of this challenge you had with your grandmother and mother and that will really open the door because people will be really impressed you'll be with vulnerability other people then will share things with you magic will happen well little do we know that three months later after I've done this now every successive month she's having better and better sales in her life and so that's one quick way and you can think about it like this if you make one or two degree change in your life how powerful could that be if you move forward especially over time you can take a look at asteroids or other things heading for the earth they did it a couple years ago they found that an asteroid is out there and they set up an explosion and if they only made a slight change and twist and a couple degree change it would miss our entire solar system and universe so that's how powerful it is because when you operate at this level what happens is you say yourself when you can't do change I'm broken no one wants to be a home repair improvement project no one wants to feel like they've always got to fix something in their house which is people who are homeowners understand this concept well when down here when you understand it's about pattern recognition and not about being broken then you understand that it's not your fault these things happen these were just ingrained early on in your life and you have the power to change any moment that you want to sure it takes some work in this process although it's simple it's definitely not easy but it's something every person can work through and if you're a leader in the organization it's absolutely essential because you need to feel your feelings fully and also be able to relate to other people because empathy is a skill set they found empathy skill sets the second thing is operating in discomfort and operating in uncertainty and the issue there is that successful leaders because they can stand in front of a group of people in their company and say I don't know I don't have all the answers now we're struggling with it but here's what we think now and we need all of your help well for a leader to do that they have to really have done this work because they'll never be able to step in that level of uncertainty but the alternative to that is setting up an organization that has to have everything right and makes it very competitive and people are not operating together so the key part of this process is to start doing this work understand that this is really step one in a multi-step process but it starts from the inside and if you again start working from the outside in you're not going to have the success that you need in your life and I have another last story here to tell you about a client of mine who is an executive chairman and a really large company here he was doing this work and he's had some magnificent things happen in his life he went to a huge conference called TED and he absolutely killed it there after we ran through this work and had a plan meeting Bill Gates Tim Cook the CEO of Apple a lot of other influential people he ended up finding a connection to meet his childhood hero Richard Branson which is absolutely fantastic and we now have gotten investments in deals that he's invested less than $10 million and looking to rate a return over the next 12 to 18 months are looking somewhere in the $500 million to $700 million range well I think anyone would say that's a pretty amazing return and we've been working together less than 8 months well all of this is possible that may be a story you think well that can't happen to me well that's exactly what he thought and what happened this magnificent thing happened and my clients are having amazing breakthroughs happening all the time so I encourage you to take a look at this model and really understand in the role that it plays in your life and understand the role it will play in creating your financial success and also your fulfillment and rarely do people have both in their life and that is what you can have anyone can create that change in their life so thank you for coming out today