 Okay, good morning everybody. Thank you for joining into our third week of class. Welcome to all the online students as well as all the students who joined us on the e-learning portal. We're at our third week. We've looked initially at two important chapters. The first week we did look at counseling, biblical counseling. We looked at some of the elements of what is biblical counseling, the elements of Christian biblical counseling, the attributes of a Christian counselor and we looked at some principles. Last week we did largely focus on understanding the personality of man, you know, to understand how God has made us. And in order for us to counsel, in order for us to be in the helping process of that relationship, we need to understand who man is and what is the personality of man. And that's what we looked in the last week. So as a quick recap, just to highlight some points that we spoke about last week, we did talk about, I think the first thing that we spoke about how the nature of God we understand when we understand or we come to a place of knowing who God is, what the nature of God is, the attributes of God we do understand where we get our image from because our image, we are made in the image, we are image bearers, we are made in the image of God and as a result we are made in the likeness of the similar nature of God. So we also spoke about how do we understand man and why do we need to understand man? The need to understand man is because when something is broken, you need to learn how to fix something. And the best way to look at it is the way that God has made us and how we are being restored. So some of the important points that we looked at is that people are moral agents, free moral agents. There is eternity in the heart of every man and that God also has given the person or the man to choose his destiny. So although we make a choice, we can make a choice, we don't have a right to choose our consequences. So that's part of it that we looked at. We also spoke about how through the fall what were core attributes of man, which was to be loved, that is self-image, to be loved, to be accepted, to be secure and to be significant. All came as attributes inherent in the image that we were created. But after the fall, these attributes became needs. And this is what man keeps looking at fulfilling for himself. So wherever these needs are in net, we did see that that's the cause of certain psychological, emotional or spiritual problems. We also spoke about how we need to understand human functioning through five areas. We spoke about the spiritual being, the rational being, the volitional being, the emotional being and the physical being. We also spoke about how the needs of man, needs become very strong motivators into behavior. And we looked at three needs, casual needs, critical needs, crucial needs. We differentiated this, but the most important that we looked at are the most profound basic logings or needs of the human heart is the need to be secure, the need to be significant and the need to be loved. And when these aren't met is when you would find issues or problems. The only way of restoration is through Christ and through living out of what Christ has done for us so that we can come back to the attribute of what God made us to be. So that was what we looked at and I just wanted about it in a nutshell for us to really just keep our minds jogged in as we keep going forward. Just before we continue, I hope there aren't any questions because it's important to understand and I hope you all took some time to read through chapter, the second chapter. And because it's important to have that understanding right. So just a brief stop of any questions, any thoughts, maybe you all reflected on what was learned last time and you have any kind of questions or any contributions right now. I'll just give you two minutes as I just upload my screen. So a quick one minute break to hear from you all if there is anything specific. Please go ahead. Nobody has anything to say. Okay. All right, so either I've done a terrible job or I've done a really good job. I don't know which we'll probably know once we have an assessment that comes up. Okay. All right. So today in class today we're going to be moving to the third chapter. And the third chapter starts with understanding about the basic relationship in counseling. Okay. What we describe as therapeutic relationship. I hope you can see my screen. Yeah. Okay. I think you can. Yeah. So what we describe as a therapeutic relationship. If you're following through with your notes, I'm on page 15. Okay. I'm on page 15. Okay. So today I'm hoping to cover two chapters. This one is a fairly simple one but nevertheless quite foundational to the counseling relationship that we begin to enhance with a counselor. Okay. Counseling. Right. So when we're looking at the meaning of a counseling relationship, this is the word therapeutic also means it comes from the word therapy or in broader terms counseling. And I think that's enough for us to understand at this point of time. So a therapeutic relationship is what we also call as a counseling relationship. So what is the counseling relationship? It is the relationship between a counselor and a counseling. And this relationship is a relationship of helping. It's a helping relationship. It's a relationship that enables the growth and the change in the person that you are helping to counsel. Okay. So one of the very main factors about a counseling relationship. So I said therapeutic or counseling relationship is a relationship between a counselor and a counseling. Okay. And one of the main factors that's important in a therapeutic relationship is the ability for the counselor to trust the counselor and also the ability of the counselor to be open to the counselor. Now this can happen either in a one-on-one relationship that is, you know, a counselor is an individual meets with a counselor or it can be in a group. So there are group counseling also. But right now our focus is mainly on one-on-one counseling sessions, but group sessions are also a big part of counseling. Okay. But we are just focusing on one-on-one counseling. So the biggest characteristic of the therapeutic relationship is the ability of the counselor to feel a sense of trust, to feel a sense of being comfortable enough to be able to open to the counselor. And that this ability for the counselor to trust and be open to the counselor has certain attributes or needs like a good environment for the counselor to build trust and to have to be open. Okay. It's only in that kind of an environment that the counselor can be helped to work through whatever struggles or problems or issues that they have and also be in a place to discover solutions to their problems. So when a counselor comes to you, the first and foremost, I think if you're looking at it as a percentage, a great percentage of the outcome or the success of a counseling session happens in this relationship that needs to be developed, that needs to be enabled. And that largely comes from the counselor. Okay. So the counselor, counseling needs to be in an environment where they can trust and be open to the counselor where they can experience the freedom or the ability to trust and work alongside with the counselor on their problems or their struggles so that they can find solutions or different potentialities that will change the course of their lives. So that's extremely important. And that's why the focus of this counseling relationship is quite important while we go through this kind of an understanding. So a counseling, the counseling becomes effective when the counselor has certain qualities and skills that will encourage the growth in the counseling. So looking at it as a Christian counselor, yes, it is very important to, which is what we looked at in the first class, right? That being prayerful, being someone who is seasoned in the word, having someone who's seasoned in the word, having a good prayer life, being able to have that relationship with the Holy Spirit where there is that discernment. So all of that is a big part of counseling. In addition to that, there is the personal qualities of the counselor that really also helps in encouraging growth in the counseling. So there is that part of the spiritual growth of the counselor, but also there is the counselor as a person, the qualities of the person that helps in the growth of the counseling. So for counseling to be effective, to have the components of the process that you have in counseling for it to be effective, the counselor's personal qualities is very important for the counseling to grow or to discover or to bring about change. Now it's just not the personal qualities of who we are as people, but yes, also the skills. And the skills are what we are going to be learning hereafter, starting from the next class or the class after, right? But today we are going to be looking at the ability or the qualities that's extremely important for a counselor. So one of the most important goals or the task as we call it, what is it that we are called to do is for the counselor to provide that relationship, to build that environment that will help your counseling to really discover themselves and also begin to act in a way that helps them through their struggle. So that is the goal of a counselor is to create an environment where they are able to discover what is going on within themselves and help them to move to a better or a more fruitful way of thinking and behavior. Now this is all in the overall understanding or overall help of what God gives us, helps us to do. But as a counselor, I need to ensure that there is a good environment, a good milieu, a good place where my counselor can have the freedom to be able to discover themselves and also come to that point of change or come to that point of transformation through the power of God, through the power of the word. So the power of God, the power of word is the overarching thing. As a counselor, I provide or I need to be there to help them get that in mind. So what is the function of a good counseling relationship? One, it creates that atmosphere of trust. There is a trust that builds up. It provides a medium of effect in the sense of it's a place where there needs to be influenced, there needs to be impact, there needs to be change. And that comes really by the quality also, the personal qualities of the counselor. It also shows the counseling what a healthy interpersonal relationship looks like. Because a lot of things that your counselor learns is also from the way you as a counselor respond or behave or treat them or respect them. That's how they are learning to pick up certain attributes that actually helps them in their own relationships outside of the counseling relationship. So the more respect, the more acceptance, the more support, the more empathy, the ability to really draw questions. All of that helps to build a good relationship, a good interpersonal relationship with your counseling. And of course, an important thing of the counseling relationship is that it should motivate change. That's one of the, what you call it, it's like a marker or it's like a measure that you see that there is change happening in the life of your counseling. So when they come here with a problem, have they moved from where they were to into a different place? Not always solutions or outcomes may be the answer, but just a personal change or just a change in the way that they're thinking or the way that they're feeling or their perspective understanding. That in itself is a good marker that this relationship, the counseling relationship is being affected. So these are some of the functions of the relationship. So what we are going to look at specifically today is the attitudes of a counselor or a therapist. What are the attitudes that a counselor should be having as they deal with a counseling? And if you look at this sentence, it says more than the orientation that is more than your approach or more than your whatever theoretical, whatever theories or whatever models you're using. More than all of that, what really helps in counseling is the attitudes and feelings of the counselor. I'm not saying that the approach or what you use as a tool is not important. It is, but more than that, it is you as a person, the way that you treat your counseling, the way that you feel about your counseling is what really shows what the outcome is. Like for example, maybe you have someone sitting in front of you who are leading a lifestyle totally against what you know God desires. Now, in your mind, if the attitude that you have towards the person is okay, this person will never change or if he's going to continue to lead a lifestyle like this, there's definitely going to be a ruin. He's probably the worst sinner that I've come across. So it really depends on what you are thinking and what your attitude is towards them because your attitude can be perceived by your counseling, right? And it makes that difference. So the way that you think or the way that you feel towards your counseling can be picked up by your counseling. I mean, I think this is a, you know, even when you are dealing with people, let's say people that you know, right? People that you may deal with on a regular basis. Something sometimes tells you that maybe the person you're talking to has been put off or, you know, that they are, they're a little cold that day, right? So you pick up the, you know, the emotional environment of the person that you're talking to. So the way in which your attitude will be perceived will definitely make a difference to your counseling. And that's why it's so important to keep in check how we think and how we feel about our counselors. Okay, it's, it's really, really important to do that. Okay, so one of the studies by a person by name Goldman, he said that the best predictor of a successful counseling session is the quality of the relationship between the counselor and the counseling. Okay, so more than what kind of therapy is used, the qualities, the quality of the, of the relationship is more important than anything else. And that, of course, reflects back on the qualities of the counselor. So, so more, maybe you're a, you're a, you're a very kind person, you're a very empathetic person. But if it is not, if it is not communicated in the sessions or communicated in your counseling, the prediction of the, it's not as good as a predictor. Then, then having that good relationship between your counselor and between you and your counseling. Okay, so more than the kind of therapy that's used, or even the problem, or even you as the kind of person you are, none of that is good enough. But what really predicts a good outcome of a counseling session is the way that the relationship happens over there. The ability for the counselor to trust you as well as for the counselor to be able to be, to have certain good attitudes, which is what we are going to be looking at largely. So, there are three important attitudes that, that's very key in, in the way that we focus on that counseling relationship. So, there are three, one is empathy, the second is unconditional positive regard, and the third is genuineness. Okay, and we will go through each of them one by one. Okay, so it's empathy, it is the, it is also unconditional positive regard and genuineness. Okay, so let's look at what empathy is. Now, empathy, if you look at the word empathy, and we will be looking at it a little bit more, also a little later, because this is very, very important in counseling. Okay, it is a way of being with your counseling. It is the way of being. All right, you, it's not, it's not a put on, but this is the way that you are. You are able to put yourself in the shoes of another person. You are able to feel for what the other person may be, may be thinking, may be feeling, may be going through. All right, it is, it's almost as if you, you, you are able to understand and, and experience what the other person is going through. That's what empathy is. Okay. And how do you communicate empathy is first of all by listening. You need to listen to a complete story or whatever is happening in their lives, understand it and also be able to communicate that understanding back. Okay. So with, with, let's suppose there is a person who comes to you and telling you about how difficult their life is in their family. All right. So how do you express empathy first and foremost is by willingly listening. Right. The minute you give advice in the word go, you've heard. Okay. I've had, you know, I'm having problems with my, with my family. None of them love me. And the first, maybe your first advice for them is, okay, I just want to know what you think about them or how much do you love them in turn. You've gone into a place of not listening. Right. So empathy can be, can be done or can be communicated first and foremost by absolutely listening without judgment. Okay. Then coming to a place of understanding while you're listening, your understanding and also you're communicating that understanding. Another thing about empathy is how your understanding comes from the framework of the other person's life or world. And this is what we're going to be looking at the class after. What is the, your understanding will come not from your own experience or your own thoughts or the way that you have dealt with a similar problem. Your understanding comes from actually placing yourself in their world from the framework of their world of their experience of their issues. That's where empathy begins. And that's how important empathy stands on. Okay. For you to step in. And that's what empathy is stepping into the shoes of another person and being able to see the world like they have been able to see it. Okay. So that's, that's what empathy is, is. So why is it important? It is important for the counselling because they begin to, to sense and feel, you know, hey, I am a person that has been understood or understandable. I am understandable. Now remember when counsellors come to you, they've come to you because in the environment or the situation they are in, they feel misunderstood. Or they feel nobody understands them or nobody has taken the trouble to know where they are in their problem. Right. So when you show empathy, they, it becomes important for them because they begin to see, okay, I am important enough that someone has chosen to understand me, chosen not to judge me, but, but come to a place of knowing and understanding what is going on with me. And when you do that, what happens is it increases their own self-esteem. They begin to see themselves as important as valuable because you have paid attention to their struggles, paid attention to what they're saying and not place to judgment. So that's why it's important. They come to a place of knowing that they, they are understandable and as a result, it increases their self-esteem. Why is it also important? It shows that I, I am, me as a counsellor, I'm taking the pain and, you know, all that I have and the willing, the willingness that I'm communicating that, you know, I really want to understand what your struggle is. I really want to know what your problem is. Right. And that's what I'm also communicating. And so when I communicate that, it begins to show them that I am important. I'm a person. I am a being. I'm a human being that is important to the person who I'm talking to. So if they are going to be telling you something, but you're not delving into the, into their feelings or into their thoughts or into their innermost musings, what happens is you've got a very, very superficial problem at hand. You've got a very superficial understanding of the problem at hand. But when you are asking questions, when, when the questions actually help them to delve deeper, they begin to see that they are important. They begin to feel and see that, okay, I am a person who's important to my counsellor. Now that's why there is, it's so important to, to build that kind of empathy. Okay. So what does this empathy do? Couple of things. It builds the relationship between you and your counsellor. Okay. When you empathize, it actually helps your counsellor to explore more about who they are or why they think the way that they do. Why are they feeling like this? What is the struggle that they are going through in their situation? It actually helps them to explore a lot more deeper into who they are. And this all happens through a conversation. It all happens through a communication. Okay. And you will get to understand how and how, how that, that comes in. Okay. Even as we, as we progress. Another function of empathy is when you are empathizing with someone, you're actually checking to see whether you have understood what they are going through. Right. Like, for example, you know, someone comes in and tells you about, about maybe, let's say, for example, let's say, one of their pet died. Okay. One of, maybe a dog or a cat, some, some, where they have a very strong liking affection to, let's say, to a pet. Right. So they're telling you about how, how their pet passed away and pet died and how it has affected them. Okay. Now, you may not be in a position to really understand the depth of what it means for that person to lose their pet. Maybe, you know, in your understanding, it isn't a big thing. It's only, it's only a pet after all. Right. But when you have considered, or when you communicate that the pain that they're going through is, is valid. Right. And how you, how do you do that? So they're saying, you know, my pet passed away and I'm feeling my pet past then it's been difficult. So how do you, how do you empathize? So, you know, maybe I'd say something like, you know, I can see that, that this pet meant a lot to you and you are absolutely devastated by the loss of your pet. Or, you know, you're, you're finding it extremely hard to cope. I do see that you, you seem to be missing your pet so much that it's, it's really become a struggle for you. So what am I doing? I am communicating what I've heard and I'm trying to check to see if that's exactly what they are feeling. Right. So if I were to say that maybe you will get an answer like exactly nobody has understood how difficult this is for me. Everyone thinks I should just move on. But it's been really, really painful. Right. So what are they doing? They're actually going into the depth. They're exploring the depth of that pain all through maybe just the way that the counselor has empathized with them about what they may be going through. Right. So you're checking that understanding to see whether the way that you empathize is what's actually meant to them. Sometimes, you know, when you're doing that, they may say, no, no, no, you know, I'm actually, it is difficult, but then there is something else that's been more difficult. My daughter has been really devastated by it and I just don't know how to help her. So there, you know, while I've tried to explore, there is something else that's come out. I do see that she seems to be okay, but she's worried about what the depth of the pet has meant for her daughter. And so it checks an understanding. So it is important for us to be empathetic to really one, explore deeper to check understanding. And while you are empathizing, of course, the most important thing that you are doing is providing that support and providing that help to saying, hey, there, I am here with you. I'm here to take you through this difficult season. Okay. What else does it do? It helps to, it helps in your communication, right? It enhances the communication. In fact, you will, you will, the fact that your counselling will talk a lot more about that one situation when you empathize is, you know, is sometimes it's mind blowing that they can actually talk about what it means for them. You know, so it actually builds that communication. It also helps your counselling to focus attention on maybe the core problem. The more that you empathize, the more deeper and deeper and deeper they can get to the problem. Remember the last time we spoke about peeling an onion, right? So it's not just the outside or the peripheral issues that you're dealing with, but something that's going much, much more deeper. Okay. So that's important for them to focus on or to come to the central point of what seems to be a biggest concern for them. Okay. Also, the function is when you are empathizing, you're actually, you restrain yourself from giving advices. You restrain yourself from becoming like a detective. Remember, as a counsellor, you're not a detective. You're not only trying to find out, you know, what is the entire context of their problem. It keeps you, when you're empathizing, it keeps you from becoming a detective. You are attempting to really spend time in understanding their feeling or their thoughts of the problem. Okay. The next thing, it also helps them pave the way. It paves the way for the next, for going into the next issue. Okay. So remember that empathy, empathy is not sympathy. Okay. Sympathy is when you are at a distant, you're looking at the problem from a distance. All right. That's what sympathy is. It is not, empathy is very different from sympathy. Sympathy is, you know, it's, you're not involved. You're not, you're showing a very standoffish posture, position to them that, oh, you know, it's really sad that you're going through this. Poor you, or, you know, it's unfortunate that you have to do this. You know, it's that kind, it's a very, very impersonal experience to sympathize. So it's, it's, it's important to, to come to that place to see. Now the person who bought about these three attitudes was a person by name Roger. So you will call Rogers and you will see his name in a lot of things because these are some of the things that he's written about. Okay. Empathetic being empathetic is to see the world as if, as if like the other, but realize that I am not the one who's experiencing what he's going through. So you're seeing the world as if you are seeing it like your counseling, but knowing and understanding that you are not the one experiencing it. Okay. So you're, you're seeing it like that, but also having the judgment to know that you are not experiencing the same thing. Okay. Now it is like, like we were talking about in one of the principles, you know, you can experience the quality, quality and depth of the other person's what they're feeling without actually feeling the same way yourself. You know, you know what it means to be angry or to be fearful or to be sad without actually feeling angry or depressed yourself. If you remember, remember one of the principles we spoke about was controlled emotional involvement. If you are involved, you are experiencing the depth and quality of the emotion, but you are not so involved that you are feeling it that you get charged yourself. So that there is that difference in, in understanding that kind of an empathy. Okay. Now, how is, how is empathy expressed? Now this is almost like a formula, but it's, but you will see that a lot of times we use this. You feel dash because dash, for example, you feel devastated because your dog died yesterday or you feel, you feel confused because you do not know how to handle your daughter because she's grieving so much for her pet. So this is the formula that you would use. You feel dash because dash. Okay. So that's, that's empathy. I wanted to take some time to probably, maybe I think we'll do that. Let's try, I'd like you to write down on the chat if you are okay to unmute. What would be your response? And I want you to say it as you would, you would be talking to this person. Okay. Let's look at, I had been diagnosed with cancer. What would be an empathic, empathic response that you would give. So if you are good quickly without wasting too much of time, put what you would say to a person who's telling you, Hey, you know, I have been diagnosed with cancer. What would you say? You can put it on the chat. Okay. So I'd appreciate if you can quickly do it so that we don't waste time and we can move forward. Don't worry about wrong answers. Okay. Okay. So lovely rights. I'm so sorry to hear that. Okay. Others. If you want to unmute, please go ahead and do that. Come on. Come on. Come on. Quick, quick. How would you respond? I don't have any words to say. Okay. She rather said that. All right. Yes. Go ahead. So it's like a question field or in a circular way, like he's a believer. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you're dealing with a believer or a secular person. What would you respond that shows empathy? If he's a believer, we can say, like, like, I would say, like, okay, God is with you. Like you can believe on him. God will help you to overcome this and all give the faith on him. Like you're going to reach a promised land and all. But like for other people, I don't know what to say. Okay. Okay. Thank you. That's Francis, I guess. Right. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Anybody else? Anybody else? Anthony, what would you say? Okay. I guess I understand that it's a terrible thing to know, but please don't lose hope. This is not the end of everything. Okay. Anthony said, oh, so sorry to hear that. Lord is your strength. Okay. All right. Anybody else? Okay. So when now none of these answers are bad. Okay. And I'm very good, excellent attempt. One of the, one of the things when we are empathizing, remember, sometimes some of this comes to us as a shock that I think I could say rather wrote it. I don't, I don't know what to say. And maybe we say that I don't have any words to say when you're in a position of being a helper like a counselor. They are looking to you for an understanding. Right. So, so, and I'd like you to keep away this thought of, okay, whether they're believer or whether they are not non-believer. I think our approach should be the same, whether they are believers or non-believers. Like I said, when they're telling you something, yes, hope and no fear and faith all have a place. They all have a place. But there is a timing. There is a timing for how and when we say something. Okay. I think Prince wrote, is it, it must be hard to take in. Okay. Wonderful. So remember when someone is bearing out their heart to you, they really would like, yes, encouragement and hope, all of that. They want to know whether I am being understood. Do you understand the kind of pain that I'm going through? That's what they want to know more than anything else. Okay. So where all of your answers did definitely show that you have to give hope. It has a place, like I said, but there's a timing for that. So when someone says I have been diagnosed with cancer, there are certain things and one is a great one which Prince has written. You know, this must be a very, very hard news to bear or hard news to take. Or this can seem like this is the end of the road. This can seem extremely devastating for you. Right. So what are you doing when you're doing that is that you are only you're moving at the pace of your counseling and not going ahead. So some of our answers here, we've gone way ahead, right? You know, okay, you know, God will take care of you promised land, you know, the crown of life. All of that is way, way ahead. But there is a time and a pace for that. So when someone's sharing something with me, I want to stick to what they have said. Like for example, my son didn't do. Okay, let's look at the second one quickly. My son didn't do well in his second few exams. What would you, what are some of the things that you could quickly, you know, this is practice. Remember, we need to practice this. If not, it's going to be, we won't know how to work through this. Okay, so let's look at the second one. My son didn't do well in his second few exam. What would you say? Come on, quickly, quickly. Don't think too much. Just quickly, quickly put it on. Okay. Radha's written, I know it's hard to accept and it's very sad. But in this situation, he needs his parents more than anything so that he may get the courage and may overcome this failure. Okay, great. So great, Radha. So I'd say, you know, it's good to stop at the first one. I know this is hard to accept and this must be very sad or, you know, I know you've had a lot of expectations for him and to see that it is all broken down because of this must be very hard on you. Right? Stop it there. Because the more that, like Radha, so what you said is, you know, he needs his parents more than, she didn't say anything. She just said my son didn't do well in his few exams and I'm, you know, I don't know what to do or something like that. Right? So stop it where they have given you. Do, give enough that they need. Okay. Antony's written get an extra teacher for him and for him to make sure he's not. Okay. So here, what are we doing over here? We've given an advice. Right? So is that empathy? Are we empathizing with them? Have we gone past the feeling and gone way ahead of thinking about the advice even before waiting and listening and sticking with them at that point. Right? Over here, she's, she's crying and she's saying my son didn't do well. And what we need to do, excuse me, what we need to do is to communicate and say, you know, yeah, I see that you see this is hard. I know this must be unexpected. I know this must be devastating. I know this may, this may look like as if there are many problems to come. Let's stick there. Let's not go beyond that. So is it clear? Have I, I know this is, this is new, but, but we will, we can figure this out as we keep going. Okay. So empathy is to stick with the feeling. It is to stick with the feeling. It's not to give advice. All right. Let's look quickly at the, at the, at the last one. I can't live another day with my husband. One or two responses. I can't live another day with my husband. Sorry. Come on. If you can unmute, it'll be, it'll be easier. Better. Okay. So Jack is written. You must be experiencing some difficult situations at home. Very good. Excellent. Okay. Or you can say, you know, you are, you're probably are finding it extremely hard to work with your husband right now. It appears like it seems to be really hard. Right. So when you are empathizing, remember, you're not agreeing to, to their problem. You're not agreeing. You are attempting to understand. Okay. Good. One more, one more person can respond. One more person. It seems what you're going through is hard and difficult. Okay. Wonderful. All right. Add more. This must be very hard for you. Okay. Let's stop it there. Right. This must be very hard for you. You've written, but you need to trust God. Like I said, excellent advice. These are important, but for a time later, you are still listening to her emotions. So remember that when you are rephrasing or when you're empathizing, it's best you bring about an emotion. Okay. One of the responses you all bought about is you have actually said it's very hard. Rather bring about an emotion. Okay. This may be very frustrating for you. Okay. So that's an emotion or this may be very annoying for you, depending on what the person is saying. Right. Or this may be very suffocating for you. Now these are all emotions because when you are bringing about an emotion, you, they will tell you, no, no, no, no, no, it's not suffocating. It's very, it's very painful. Right. No, no, no, it's not, it's not confusing. It's getting very frustrating. Right. So they will clarify the emotion for you and you are getting a deeper understanding. So you're not, you may not hit their emotion right at the beginning itself. But then as you are building this empathy or you're communicating your understanding, you are learning a lot more. Okay. All right. So the first one, the attitude that's so important is empathy. And I want to challenge all of you in your communication with anybody. Don't look for someone who's telling you a problem. It can be your classmate. It can be your wife or your husband or your children. When they're coming and sharing something with you, try learning, practicing empathic responses. Begin to respond with empathy. For example, if your child comes in and says mama or dada, you're, you know, my teacher shouted at me, what can we say instead of saying, what did you do? Or, you know, does the teacher want me to come there tomorrow? These are all non-empathic responses, right? Rather saying, oh my, that must have been, must have been very hard on you with all your friends sitting there. That's empathy, right? Or I'm sure that must have put you at a terrible spot. It must have put you at a hard spot with all your friends sitting in class. That's empathy, right? You're trying to see what it means to her. So get off that need to solve their problem and come to a place of understanding what they are going through, what the feeling is. So practice it, learn to practice it with each other, maybe when those of you are sitting in class or with people at home, learn to practice it because to build empathy is one of the very most important things in counseling. Okay? All right, let's stop for a 10 minute break. We'll come back by 11.3. It's 10.53 on my clock. We'll come back by 11.3. Okay?