 And what you just said is by far the most racist thing that I've ever heard in my life Fucking disgusting man. I can't even look at you anymore. Are we live man? Yeah, we are live. Yep Episode number three. Yeah, this is our third time doing this already. It's different on the couch Put your hands up in the air when you do that That's already better. That's already better We have uh, James and Christina behind the cameras looking at a live audience today Michael's lounge room looks different. Does that mean we'll have some real laughter's, you know Yeah, maybe maybe mad. I don't I don't know they might not have uh, the same sense of humor as us You can't predict it. I'm not very funny exactly Michael's lounge room looks different because um, I pour 10 litres of barbecue sauce over him today Uh, it was hilarious. It smells it was it was a long process to get it clean, wasn't it? He even fucked it. He ruined the day. I ruined your couch the carpet It took a long time to clean everything the curtains are fucked Man, I really took it to to the net to the Ned's level man right now on the website and Also on social media should be right now probably be releasing the exact same time as the podcast We did a video with shami and the boys fucked dodgeball What happened? We just it's dodgeball, but just with fucked shit Yeah, there was light bulbs Man, that was fucking all sorts of shit. There was glass mat. Would you play? No, yeah, there was tomatoes. I heard a lot of my tomatoes I hurt dim in the arm. Yeah, you hurt him badly man. His forearms fucked. We won. We did dude, of course We were we knew we were going to win. Yeah, even though we had one less player and julian as well. It's 4v5 We won But um, that's out right now. So fucking go and have a cheeky. What pause this It's only like three or four minutes long We have go quick have a look they know what took back come back press play on this again and if you If you want Like you could You know You could comment It's not hard. Yeah, like even just even now at the beginning if you want get it done over and done. We so you can enjoy the show And and like like the video and if you aren't subscribed Like it's a pretty simple solution to that. What do you reckon that you haven't figured out yet? Have you let's see if you've subscribed he hasn't subscribed. Yeah, what do you mean? Let's see He's very open and honest about it. Oh the website. Yes Yeah, true. Look at how stressed. I am my hair's falling out That's a nice bag Let's get these fucking sponsors out of the way. So so sign up, dude Speaking of signing up. All right. 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I use that daily I use that daily too Probably not daily. No, yeah, I think I've given you yours. I've got both. Yeah, I haven't used it yet To be honest, I haven't really used any of the products. Well, we're about I'm about to use this for the first time No, I've been using these they're good Very good Yeah Oh, dude, did you use yours brown? No, he doesn't need to His balls are always clean And um, of course our other sponsor the university of marker where we post our weekly videos And let me tell you something right now, right? You won't ever see that content anywhere else. You fucking cunt You fucking bag of shit. You don't believe me go and have a fucking look. I dare you to go and have a fucking look What is it a 30 day free trial 21 day free trial, mate? And you can have you can watch it all watch all 200 videos and then unsubscribe All right, you don't have to pay a cent to watch it all How's that? Oh, you could stay on they've told me not not to say that. Yeah, I've told you not to say that Turning out where we're losing money right now as I'm speaking at least we're helping people And I dare you to have a look. Yeah, there is some confronting shit. It's like a mix of actual shit jackass Pornhub scat section. Oh, no, there's a few good sketches in there. Yeah, baby Calvin Calvin place and that subscription website funds this whole fucking shit show it even it even funds the brown Hey, you wouldn't be sitting in that fucking chair If it wasn't for the website, I hate this chair How dare you you fucking pig that is a good good chair I think no, it's not you get an upgrade. It's a zine Anyway, what's the shit talk that's happened? Um Nothing happened over the weekend. What did you do on the weekend? Nothing. Oh, I think it wasn't a girlfriend So did I Had dinner at the in-laws I'm with you on that one. And what did you do brown? I sat alone and masturbated to carefully selected porn videos With your tissues all over and your moisturizer on your big screen tv at midnight With candles No, I did lots of things. I saw James and Christina And we watched a movie and Christina fell asleep Holy shit. Wait I've got a really good date idea. Oh here we fucking go. Greg told us this Greg Smith He's a master Okay, so you go to the botanical gardens in brisbane in brisbane only works in brisbane Yeah, it might work in other botanical gardens. You take apples You set up a little picnic thing you throw out the apples You eat your dinner with your girlfriend and then possums come to you and you hand feed the possums Poison you hand feed them poison You watch them eat the apple in their hands Which has poison laced all through it in half an hour time You watch them all freaking out and panicking in the general public watching Multiple possums dying in front of them. I think they're gonna fucking laugh. So it's okay. Yeah, but I've killed heaps But yeah, basically, then you just get to feed the possums from like hand feed them Anyway, it was exciting. Yeah, I guess it's exciting. It's not that exciting. Yeah, don't Unless you poison them. So I went to the cardiologists again. I've got to do a bunch more tests So that's good. Fuck. They're gonna just do all these tests And if I still have blood pressure if they determine that I have Diagnosed blood pressure high blood pressure. I have to go on medication For the rest of my life. Do you reckon the rest of your life the rest of my life? Far too young he said far too young My feelings were hurt On this day, oh god you can electrocute people On this day in 2015 Ed Sheeran would collect stray cats and zip tie them together in strange and interesting shapes The cat sculpture grew to over 37 cats all different colors and sizes He fed and cleaned them every day and even slept with a cat sculpture However, the cats at the top would shit all over the cats at the bottom So he untied the zip ties and set the cats free in a fire He wrote the song shape of you as a tribute to the cat sculpture he made the lyric I'm in love with the shape of you is a direct reference to his fucked mangled meowing cat sculpture. You fucking cunts We scoffing at cunt you wrote that You fucking wrote that. Oh, yeah, you do the on this day Oh man So that I've always wondered why he wrote that fucking song. I'm in love with the shape of you Like what what? Yeah, I haven't make any sense. Does it? Yeah, it does now makes 20 He had cats zip tied together 37 of them all different strange shapes and sizes Just picture it right now. I want you to actually like I'm pitching just a square of cat No, like it's a fucking a mass of cats Like they're zip tied by the arms by the tail some by the necks together And they're all joint not one can escape you understand I think so. Yeah, you drew it Anyway, um wrote I think it's time for um It's time for an entry from uh matt's little brown little black book Here we go. That's what number is it? That's little black book of Haths Just have a look here. Let me have a flip through the pages That was good. I found it You found it Okay, here we go like this was Matt's playing around with the recording How how confusing for the viewers at home, but it must have been a lot of that work home We'll keep putting this B. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to be like a bit more sophisticated Like wound You're getting it, baby I Have number 26 I smelled her cunt from across the dance floor and my tongue flicked out of my mouth And moistened my eyes with a firm lick to each eyeball She was drenched in sweat and was clearly on drugs. I snapped my neck back and let out an almighty raw My scream caught her attention And all the blood in my body turned into foamy sperm I stared at her tits and felt drool pouring out of my mouth like a running tap I power walked over to her not taking my eyes of her tits and shoving other people out of the way I immediately started dancing with her and was grinding on her sweaty back She pushed back into me and I knew she might accept my mint seed this night Her bright red hair was plastered to her back with sweat And I slid it out of the way with my pointer finger and started tonguing at her neck Her skin tasted like blue cheese and she started panting She rocked her head back onto my shoulder and I placed my hands on her fat damp tits While still furiously tonguing at her neck and ear as I groped her thick chest I whispered you want to get out of here Her eyes were completely out of focus and as she opened her mouth I could smell that she had vomited recently as she spoke a fleck of kebab shot out of her mouth and onto my cheek I nearly came I went here to drill a hole through my cam She said I grabbed my throbbing brown to stop it from ejaculating I composed myself and led this beast from the club Outside when the street light hit her I could see that she'd been involved in some sort of car accident As she had deep scarring on the left side of her morbidly obese body This only excited me further and on the way to the taxi rank I saw an alleyway. I couldn't wait I nodded towards it. Yeah, that's perfect. I need to piss anyway. She said We ducked down the alley when she started squatting next to a dumpster and started taking a powerful piss Piss gushed from her cloaca. She lost her balance and fell sideways Piss ran up and down her legs and torso as she continued pissing and struggling to get back up I tried helping her up, but she was far too much mass And I fell on top of her and heard a slap as I landed on her piss cover tank top We immediately started tonguing. There were no lips involved. It was pure tongue I felt small chunks of food and drug as my tongue moved and searched through her mouth We started rolling around in the alleyway and I could still hear her pissing I wrestled my hand down her piss soaked underwear and felt a thick wiry plume of pubic hair My little brown had slid it out of my jeans and once I located her still dripping gap I inserted my brown. I rolled her onto a massive pack And pushed her knees back and started drilling like she had requested No, what is that? Are they even people? I heard shouts from the streets as they peered down her alleyway But I did not dare stop Let's give them a show. I said through gritted teeth I drilled as hard and fast as I could while staring at her sloppy breasts My eyelids peeled back out of sight as I began climaxing My mouth opened so wide that I heard my jaw dislocate and I drained my essence into this foul dragon I deflated to half my size after I finished ejaculating and I could see concern in my prize's eyes You all right? She mumbled I am now I've been fed I said and I detracted my now limp little brown as I continued To sprinkle ejaculate on her heavy set thighs I stood and walked away left her rolling around in her own piss Hailed a taxi and drove home without even saying goodbye Fuck yeah Oh my god, dude. It's so many levels to it. It's just so fucked Oh my god They've been people He didn't even know Oh man It's hot and sweaty. Oh my god. You are. I'm shockingly wet Okay Oh, I think I think it's time for some wisdom. Yeah, you're right. It's michael's bible Oh What are you hurrying at mr. Brown? I thought you were gonna say Something else Questions or something? No, I thought you were gonna say bong break for some reason BONG BREAK I'm already claim It's time to hit you with a bit of wisdom michael You could be I am seeing now. He's so angelic at times You could well be a semi god Or a demi god as they're known. I'm gonna bring the bible in I've actually decided thank you or a great actual copy All right, let's um, let's jump straight to it. I haven't read this yet, but it's I'm like it's it's changing the world if you adopt if you adopt his teachings You could be a better person. So I want you to really listen to this you fucking Disgusting fuck is this the their chair This is uh from the book of uh, what who okay All right chapter four verse 16 from the book of what who Everyone is a who a who to you could be a you to that who You are a who and a you the only thing that changes is the who who's searching for you So if you come across a who just remember that you are a who to that who And are only a you to you Just as the who is a you to that who too So just remember that whose news are the same and any who can become a friend to you Big stars went shooting like this fast Those asteroids holy shit and what and I guess what you're trying to say is that We are all equal beings and just because you don't know someone Doesn't mean that you should love them any less than what you love yourself and Zach you can turn whose into you's Which means you can make friends 110% and if everyone lived by that even though and if everyone lived by that I'll tell you what? I would I would be proud to walk around the streets and shake your hand Well, let's do it then It's working man. That's nice powerful shake my hand. We just became that chapter shake my hand mr. Brown What do you guys think? It's very good It's profound is the word that I like the word what you said before angelic. Hmm. I think that's important That's right What do you think mr. Brown Oh, I had to go with that had to go with that fucking um nick you've been fucking message on her on instagram Oh, she sent me a message and I said, oh, yeah, what did it say exactly? Did you guys show each other at yourselves? No, has this progressed to some sort of sexual relationship yet? No All right, all right I just said thank you for you know being a good sport Oh That's brown flirting sport Thank you for being a good sport because fucking to him is a sport So I usually I usually look in this direction when I want to look at them and I have to look straight at james and christine That's making me it's nice having a like a studio It's good, but this is the biggest studio audience. We've ever had Yeah, possibly is it usually the only one here and he knows to just lie there Yeah, look how grumpy it is like so hot over it is Yeah, it is very hot in this house. You are drenched. Yeah, why today is like hotter than usual I think because it's the humidity or some shit. Sorry. Anyway, let's move right along It's the comment of the week And we've read all the comments like we always do this could be a little reminder And maybe leave a comment now if you haven't already All right Yes, yeah, wow, so you can leave comment now. Who knows you might get comment of the week because We have a whole board of it now like a big white board of it That's important. Oh, yeah, do you want to see the comment of the week board? Yeah, I kind of do baby There's a first comment of the week. Look at that It's hard because we've got to fit 40 of them on there Because we missed the first episode so 39 like I said, yeah, there it is So you will be enshrined your comment could go down in glory Forever If you comment the right thing so to take this opportunity There's donut film see who was number one and it doesn't need to be the most likes comment That's only for questions. Okay. It can be anything Yeah, that one that one was the most likes all right. God man. I'm sweating like it It would be that if we can't find any good ones Man, I am disgusting if I was single there'd be no way I like the hair Yeah, I like the heads. I reckon when you're older you should grow Whispy hair when you've got gray hair. Yeah, look, I'll definitely look into that for you, man Yes, that's really great whiskey hair Whispy whiskey. Yeah, you could pour Yeah, so let's let's go let look we decide the comment of the week just Based on like There's a few factors All right, there are a few factors and we're not going to tell you Because that's the beauty of it Continue mr. Brown all right comment on the week came from this sero sero sero. I'm going to go with sero Yeah, um And he's referring to um That's a little black book Yeah, you're from last week the book where you write all the chicks that you fucked. Yeah Um, he says uh, sounds like the chick matt brown had had his darren's miso No, you didn't say had properly Sounds like the chick that yeah, i've got you Had sounds like the chick matt brown had Is darren's miso Yeah, I can see that and when we read that comment we thought A new character is born. Well, he adds that he said could you do a prank call with the drunk pregnant lady's voice Please i've just got the prank call we're going to do You're going to be that chick by the way. Her name is ronda. Her name is ronda r-h-o-n-d-a-h-h Okay, and you're going to call up a pub And ask for the pokey area and say that you left your purse or something valuable. I left my wallet there Let's you left some chains Fuzz got my wallet there Yes, she'll even laugh like darren can't yeah, okay She could she have a different laugh yeah It's just a physical laugh. Yeah, this is just gaps in like the fucking phone call Oh, look, it's a work in progress. Who knows what her life will be Yes Oh, I can't wait for the prank call. Can we call up a pub? It's a big fat Pregnant woman who's drunk all the time. How old is she? 38 same as matt brown I'm not 38 Um, yeah, congratulations to sarah, so they'll go on the board Yeah, yeah, so we'll snip that out right and we'll sticky tape that to the board You're a board you you could be on that board All you got to do is write a cool comment like that And that is a cool comment not because it has many likes but because this has inspired another character In prank call What should we do for the What should we do for the person who wins best comment of the year They will get an all expenses paid trip to your house And yeah, we'll get to live with matt brown for two weeks forget. I asked I think It will combine it with bachelor brown somehow hate this fucking chair Look how small and blue is That's bloody We get couched. Oh, we live like kings brown gets small small dirt stool I realize I want to fucking like a foot rest. Yeah, like my heart also is gold count Yeah, see I don't want to go on your Yeah, baby. It's fucking like so wet. We'll get you a puff. Oh, is it bachelor brown? It is time for bachelor brown brown brown bachelor brown brown brown brown I like bachelor brown brown brown brown All right, we've we have got some entries Matt is is talking to and considering dating the girl that we hooked him up with last week So it's already working. Oh girls If you want matt to be in your life and just get to know him just get to know him You can date him like who knows if you're single out there and and tinder doesn't work and going out Doesn't work and there's boys keep cheating on you Try it for a way. You don't know until you've spoken to it Give us your fucking phone number And a little piece of info about yourself and you have an online date here Live with matt and see the sparks the cow fly I can see it. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited too. I'm not all right. Let's have a lookie here You upset me today with your little post. Oh, yeah, I can go ahead and delete that now Do you we might get more than not this could be your wife? That is so true. I don't know. I don't want to Why don't you want a wife? Imagine you met your wife around for the rest of your life You want a family? Huh? You meet your wife on our podcast The marty and michael fully actual podcast. We've had people get married to your kids We've had people get married from our subscription website Oh Matt, did you know that people have dated from our subscription website? We bring people together. That's what we do Have they sent that through? Can you send that by the way? We want to see his reaction All right. Um, this is our first entry for today for the bachelor brown segment and matt I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts about this. I'm not Hey, I'm elinor She said I'm a vet tech in brisbane have a dog and a cat and love drinking and hanging with mates So do you love animals man? And that sounds like a fucking like she sounds down to earth. She she's maternal. She has animals Yeah, everyone loves animals. What's your favorite animal? I like her name. Eleanor is a very nice name. Yeah. Yeah, elin Yeah, exactly. Very lovely. All right, so i'm gonna go ahead and call her Oh, really? And then um We'll see if there's a spark here. See if there's some chemistry You have to call Matt, what's your favorite animal? Tell her save it. Tell her that it's like a a skink or some shit Skunk you man. No skink little lizard. Um, all right, elinor din answer So, um, brook davies gets her shot now. Uh, so we're moving on matt has no time For women who don't keep their word elinor and i'm sorry I'm sorry, um, you cheated on him. That's basically cheating on you. You just said off air you fucking hate her For not answering and I get it. I get it. All right, so now we're going to move on to brook davies And she says happy to take the challenge Everyone loves morning brown or even afternoon brown Uh, that's pretty good a bit of flirtatious already. That's your favorite Hey, brown. You'd love you'd love to give her a morning brown. Am I right? Any alone All right calling brook davies Hello, hello, am I speaking with brook? Yes Hey brook, it's uh marty and michael and matt um brown here from that fully actual podcast Do you have um a spare five minutes? We could trouble you Yeah, go for it boys. Yes, or I've got you on speaker here with the one and only Muscular matt brown. I'm not even a muscular brown. Oh now the brown Um, we should how should we do this the brown would like to tell you a little bit about himself for about 30 seconds Matt brown will now love to share with you The things about himself that he feels is most important to let you know if you were going to ever date each other Go mr. Brown brook, I'm being forced to do this Dude say something cool. Be a prince. Come on matt. Jesus. He's supposed to be charming me Be a prince with your confidence Tell him you've got a horse Come on, buddy. He could sing me the morning brown song. That would be even better The morning brown song. Look brook. He's he's a little nervous. I think we've got um a little studio audience in today He's a little nervous. Maybe it would be easier if you start by just saying some of your hobbies and interests And then see if there's something you guys can maybe have a chat about Matt what footy team do you go for? How what hand what football are you talking about football? No, we'll say i'm in victoria. So your afl Well, if it was afl Hang on wait, whereabouts in victoria you from? I'm in central victoria Yeah Keep going matt. Um, I don't know. I'd probably be uh, I think I was bulldogs when I was a little boy Okay, I actually worked at the bulldog's grand final So there you go matt. You could go to the football final with brook if you wanted to no you could help her work there Now brook what type do you have any sort of and and please tell me if I'm pushing the envelope here Do you have any sort of sexual fantasies that you play out in your head with the brown? Because I know he's got hundreds and once you get him to drop his wall of uncomfortability He will be a fountain of fucking sexual innuendo It's the ball the head that does it for me. I just what do you want to do it? I just want to hold on to him and I want to rub that Like a bit on it. He's like a Buddha Give him a little fucking spit on it Yeah What about you could try and put your head in her He could try and have yeah wonder take fisting to the next level Balding or no, we'll call it heading. Um, and what about children brook? What would you want children one day? Well, see the problem here. I already have four. Holy that doesn't need to do a thing That there you go, dude the children of the children have already been I'm a father now All right, um, what do you what do you want to say to brook? Look, you need to try and connect with her on a deeper level here. Let's cut the small talk See her poem. Let's get deep and personal. What do you want to know about her soul, baby? Come on man You're blowing this Dude, come on All right, Matt is this is this going well for you or not be honest. Do you love her? I don't know. I've never even met her I love her I'm so sorry brook. He's so flustered right now. I've never seen him like this. He's all red in the face Shaking his head. He's barely saying a word. He's a bit bashful. So maybe I'll make it all better, mate Yeah, so maybe it would be that's not a comforting. Yeah Come fort ting It's the come hitting the fort making the ting Um, look, maybe we will get um matt brown to follow you off his personal Instagram And uh, maybe it would probably follow already Maybe it would help break the ice of you guys like send each other some dams to begin with And look brook at the are you you're not seeing anyone obviously No, I'm not actually all right. Well, look if if if you are in you are now in contention for um The bachelor brown winner like you are one of the contestants now So at the end of the year if you are chosen by the brown as the top three finalists We will fly you up from victoria Not fly you up. Yeah, we're gonna do the show you could potentially win Matt brown as a boyfriend for a night. Oh my god the dream come true All right. Well, um, we'll get him to add you on instagram straight away matt get your fucking. Oh, we can't phones over there But it will happen after this. Um, yeah, so brook. Just do you like more so far look out for his dm Okay, thank you very much for your chat brook Thanks boys. Good chatting. Thank you bro. Oh matt is stuck in He's stuck in with a good boy now Yeah Oh, shit, dude You guys are together. There is no that is together There's no way Don't move in. I'm putting it down now. There's no fucking way. We're bringing three people No, no and they make a sound. Yeah, they make a sound. I don't know what's gonna come out. No Is the one you get to have no, we're not doing that. Look matt matt matt matt Are you single right now? You need to change what you do Otherwise you'll you can't expect a different result and not try something different, baby. Well, look at us We're happily in relation We can help you man. Oh We can help you man Right. Yeah, I reckon now. Who do you like more out of nick and brook so far? They're both very lovely from the sound of them. What about like the conversation like connection? What's that like do What's like, is it love at first hearing not sight hearing? I don't know either. It's very hard All right, so I'm on to the next segment. I don't know where you guys are So both of them you're saying potential mates. What about like a Mormon marriage and you can have both No, look both of these ladies have um been mothers. So I feel like maybe you could be potential Instant father, would you would you be ready for that when this works? Oh, yeah, if you meet the right girl Yeah, of course you'd a matter of your father like overnight Not overnight. What would you call? What would you call your learning process? What would you call our kids? Yeah That is the bachelor brown segment and if you would like to have a chat to matt brown Please keep DM DMing us your numbers and a little bit about yourself And no shit. We are not joking We will fly the top three fine. No, we're not the ones you get to pick We're not flying anyone out here at all. What do you like matt? You don't get a say anymore Okay, you haven't got the connection with him now, but imagine the 38 after this I want you to be happy. Okay there. I said it. I want you to find someone I'm so we will do this our way and if it does not work then by golly, we've done our best But I'm gonna make damn sure we give it a red hot go For fuck's sake. I just want you to be happy He's following us around We're all in couples. You're following us around looking at your fucking porn Makes me sick Well, this is how we'll fix it Imagine that makes me fucking sick. We have to get one to move in by the end of the year What are you talking about? No one's gonna move in marriage is too much. I know but moving in is nothing You haven't even moved in yet. Yeah, well, that's why it's the end of the year for you and I have almost I'm sorry about that comment. Um, but yeah, I reckon and the one that wins has to stay at your house for three days And we could film a documentary a brown a brown documentary. We could see how much brown you mentioned You can see how much mince a human body can take Before it warps out of shape, you know, what's you know, it sucks Is that I hate this entire idea, but it would suck if there was somebody genuinely worth dating in there Well, yeah, it would suck. Well, I don't try. I don't fucking trust the process Your future is what makes the trust Would you like it if your future wife had the balls Had the courage the confidence to come forward and apply via a show like this and she's a legend And she has an awesome sense of humor because she's listening to our podcast Wouldn't you want that from no, I tell you why I don't want that and you guys should all know this Is that fucking hate reality tv shows and this is this is bordering reality tv Well, no, but it would only it'd be for the website No, of course What have we paid to get you subscribed, baby? No, look Girls out there. Look don't pay attention. You come around. We've got another fucking 35 weeks of this Please send in your phone number and a little bit about yourself And who knows mr. Brown could be the man of your dream mince down your dress It's exciting It's definitely Let's get going man. That was a hot segment, baby. Yeah, I'm sweating bullets, man. Yeah, I'm more so than normal All right, it's time for questions questions If you want us to answer your question comment a question We answer the most likes questions as well as what the questions we think the funniest Sometimes questions get lots of likes, but we don't answer them because we've already answered them many many times So if you're wondering, oh why the fuck didn't matt brown read out my question that fucking Fucking pig. That's probably why it's because we've answered it before anyway So have a scroll through see which questions you like and give them a like if you want to see what we have to say about Yeah, very important people very important people All right. Um doughnut films is on fire. He's got top question This week fucking hell doughnut films. He just knows he won cow of the week last week All right question for the podcast. How come julien always hits michael, but never hits marty I think um michael is much better at um stirring julien. First of all He's fucking oh michael michael knows exactly how to push julien's buttons. He also invites the chase Loves to attack that like throw an attack at him and then yeah, like I will buy like I'll sometimes even have a hit Yeah, and michael and michael and julien are similar in stature. So it makes sense for him to attack the weaker one first So many many reasons and also um, you know julien is like a fucked little son And he shouldn't be attacking his father. That's a big no-no Next question is from g r freeman. Um, would you rather it's kathy freeman's husband? How do you know that? I spoke to him via phone call Would you rather be bummed by a bloke or fisted by a woman? That's not a bad one Because okay like a woman but like with small hands. Yeah, because her hand wouldn't be that small. Actually a little woman Yeah, and fucked is like that's like You know, that's really It's probably be far more traumatizing than just having a hand up your ass if it's a girl like i'm pretty sure like We've fisted each other before I don't remember that one man, but oh there's some videos of it. Oh, we've been close Oh But yeah, like small hands maybe yeah, and I probably I'd probably go a small lubed up hand And I'd want her to make this shape with her hand. Oh true. I'm thinking that that wouldn't work That would be far worse. You want to even flatten it out. So it's just a slit That would be quite wise. That's a slip. All right. What about that? She ducks two fingers like that there Perfect fist. I didn't think about yeah, you you squash up the fingers and you zip time at the end like that Cramp, and then you just lube the end. It's like a big cock Mr. Brown, it's like a big cock entering your colon What would you do me? Yeah Why? He doesn't want his birds here and what he's what his answer is it's tough. It's a good one. That's a really good What would you rather? I'm just scared. I'd rather go fists, but I'm just scared How big that fist is gonna be? Yeah, well you can say I guess it's details, but I'd say Fist, but if it's small girl, yeah on average girls are quite small now. Fuck it. I'll get down Bang by guy. There you go Change it up. Wow. That's like All right Confronting to the picture by small little man. No, I guess question and shit. Yeah, maybe a small little man Yeah, actually It depends the way you look at it. This is getting weird because the dick is quite a dick is probably you could like get like Imagine a dude with a micro penis. You wouldn't feel anything. I I could probably Stretch my asshole so wide that the dick wouldn't even touch it. Yeah. I just feel really good Do you know what I was trying to say? They'll show you I reckon you could even get like a normal size dick And in there without like it touching That's a size or a condom As well a condom just put a condom around the cock Then the cock skin does not slide along your colon skin I want to move on. The cock and colon is very cool. Cock Can you say colon cock cock colon Let me record that for everyone. Yeah, I don't think you can do it. Please. Are you sure? I don't know. Try it cock cock I like the way you finish it cock cock You don't have headphones. You'll have to listen to it later All right, next question he's broken All right Michael saw the true pain in my eyes We're still on question one. No, that's question four or farther. Here we go Next question is from Brass Carter. Michael, have you had any fans come to your house before? I've had people come here for Halloween I had to give them treats, but I had no lollies but people have People drive by. Yeah, actually true. Yeah, they drive by people drove past Yeah, people drive by like then they fucking it pisses me off. They slow down and stare Like I'm some fucking zoo animal Looks out at him like what the fuck if I can get out of here. I'll say Go on Fucking patch of dirty can't Fucking step full on there. You fucking step full on my family can't you don't want to see me get rolled up Fuck and get off my lawn Fuck come down there. You fucking dog, bitch. Don't look at me. Can't Holy shit. Yeah, you do get quite aggressive Calvin Calvin next question is from swamp box 69 Would you boys ever get your partners involved in a scientific video or a prank video? Obviously matt can't because he's alone See you need us Anyway, um, yeah What what could we what could we do to them? We could pretend. Oh, I could call amber and say that you've died You could do that to mon Oh That is pretty good acting and have to be on point Amber fuck. Oh my god. I don't even Michael's dead. He's died. He did a video. It went wrong Yeah, fuck it hard. Oh man. That's actually done. That would that's probably really bad. That's fucked. Yeah, it's you He did does that all the time He fucking tells us he's been in a bad car accident because he's bored He did it to me. He called me and said hey, dude Marty's been in a bad car accident on my way to podcast. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I actually I haven't done it for ages though Yeah, it's been like a good. It's like it's like it almost makes you angry after because you genuinely feel like I had a long pause and then I realized he's fucking I'm like the boy he cried wolf wolf Next question is from the the drummer chick. Um, what's something people seem to misunderstand about you guys? People seem to think that we're like Dumb. Yeah people think that we're like some of the things we do you Put your bodies through that you idiots like look at these idiots Stupid, like they have like no No freaking idea How fucking smart we are They have no fucking idea the level of that fucking genius intelligence. No one fucking does Man, where'd you sit there and we come up with Shit that just like changes the world come we write it down sometimes We write it down sometimes. Sometimes we just don't we let the thought pass Because we know it'll come back around baby That's how the world spins and shit, but yeah, like people think that seem to think that we are like stupid as fuck when really It's it's really quite the opposite Show them horizontal rotation vertical rotation vertical axis Angles and that he's just demonstrating there the mass of a pillow and it's exactly the same throughout Wild suspended in there and like people are like what what is he talking about and like I'm not gonna get into it But but he just gave you a lesson on physics and you didn't even fucking know it Now when you throw a pillow around you know that it'll be on its vertical axis if you so throw it at that angle Fucking idiots Next question you hear that man. That was pretty good Hey, yeah, see dumbfounded and single Oh Very good Bitch Get out of my house you fucking bitch Bitch you've always been on point with your bitches It's good. It's the German has changed the angle of my tongue signatures I saw Marty get angry at a girl on the street once because her boyfriend was trying to fight us and he called her a bitch and it was perfect and she Shut up. Was it with the ch in the end? I was pretty What was that boyfriend trying to fight? So he was trying to fight us and he he he didn't realize and like that we were We're walking away and he tried to start a fight with us and we turned around and walked back at him And she was like, why didn't you guys just go away at us? And and Marty just turned around and said we were trying to leave you bitch Because they started it and yeah, he just his bitch was just perfect. It's just shut up. She didn't say another word She was beautiful. Thank you. Bitch. Silence. Thank you brown Probably gonna get canceled now. Yeah, probably violence. Well, we did turn back round to fight him after We were trying to walk away. That was sort of silly of us do it. So we can we wanted to fight him No, no, he was he was like Yelling slurs at us and we turned around and we weren't gonna take that. No, yeah We have a we have a lion and if you cross that line Yeah, we become quite aggressive. Let me tell you Yeah, yeah, I've seen it and the funny thing was we have we have in the past Look people haven't crossed that line recently, but yeah, I can still see you that fire behind your eyes. Yeah, true I can see in the right situation headbutting That man you headbutted that man I didn't hit him hard. Yeah Not hard the funniest part of our story is is we got in a cab and went to another side of the city And lined up at a nightclub and they got out of the cab and went to the same nightclub right next to us And so we were like, oh, I guess we'll be nice and just apologize for getting into a Debacle, we're heroes and we're like, oh, hey guys, we're going to the same club. Let's just go like let's just all Apologize and they were so filthy By the way, I wouldn't even look us in the face. I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever and they just We're like, we're the best. We're the best man in bridge. What an idiot Imagine being with your girlfriend and starting a fight with like six dudes like idiot fucking idiot Yeah, anyway, well, I guess He had reasons he probably did have he had reasons No, no, he didn't Okay, we were we were just laughing and being us and he I think it started with him just yelling at us for no reason No, fuck him then Fuck him to death. It was actually james's fault. Anyway, let's go Our next question is from joshua hues Do you remember? I have vague snippets of time where there's a one picture of image and I Can think of that, but there's no real memory. I'll fill in the gaps later. Um, you see fuck Next question is from joshua hues Michael, which were you more concerned about the nail gun in the calf or your rectum falling to pieces rectum Yeah, rectum was the calf like was just it's like your leg. Yeah, and like once you pull the nail out There's a bit of blood like a flesh wound worst case scenario gets tetanus and dies in a few weeks or years years That's and that's worst case scenario. So we're like far more concerned rectum was like I don't want to shit back. I'd rather die kind of wish you did have it now Dude Oh, well, I could have died Oh god, man, imagine if you had a shit bag on him at all times. It wouldn't feel nice I couldn't do sport. I'd rip it off all the time. Would it come out? Yeah. Yeah. I have to go back to the hospital Yeah, every day All right final question, um, it's from peter hunt. Oh, shit Um, will you guys ever do a live podcast this year? Can we see matt brown picking up a beast live? I'd love to see that too. I have seen it. Oh, I've seen him working the clubs Shimming around Shimming around on the dance floor locking eyes with others Oh, yeah, it's a sight to behold. Yeah, we definitely want to do a live podcast this year. We're doing one right now Yeah, holy shit. Yeah, we've got an audience of two and a half Man, I wonder how nerve-wracking that would be to have like hundreds of people in front of us Oh, dude, you will have to control yourself. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to say shit. Yeah, I can't probably smoke weed Oh, no, it's definitely double bubble. I reckon the adrenaline Don't you reckon the adrenaline of it all will probably get you going anyway I don't know. Maybe I don't know like what if they didn't laugh at shit and then you just be like Even the best comedians bomb Yeah, exactly And then you have to sit there for an hour thinking No one laughed at that and you're gonna have hecklers Yeah, we're gonna be drunk and shit. So we have to have like, um, a hose or a naughty corner Yeah, they're just gonna be like just do something to michael hit him or something It's so true, I can see that happening Kurtie's turkey here So they'll throw a glass at me. Yeah, I'll get glass Yeah, you'll get glass And then it'll be on youtube. Comedian gets glass live on stage All right, who eats shit, let's um move right along and it is time for German I have the spoon I'm ready everyone at home. Why don't you play along and comment how many right you get It's good interaction shit. Well done All right, let me get my jaw ready Number one german or gibberish Fangen mititten spielen Oh, you're being irish you always do this shit say it once more Fangen mititten spielen Oh, it's really hard. I think it is you're trying to confuse me and make irish up. That's actually german I reckon That's german. I'm gonna go with it's not german All right, um, we have uh, it is german. I knew it You were pretending or I had to go against you Michael. Would you like to have a stab at what it means? Fangen mititten spielen Fungi in my eye means um Play catch with tits. Oh, it's close. It's not a bad guess though. I am tits. I can see why I'd say that today All right, number two german or gibberish Greiven better aufschutz Oh Greiven better aufschutz Yeah, no, that's not german. You're pretending to be german. Yeah, it's not german Auschwitz you're saying that word that's from ausstolz Auschwitz you're trying to pretend to be like a concentration Ausstolz same fucking thing. All right. You're not all right. That's why you're both correct Yes, it is gibberish. Would you like to take a stab at what it means? It's gibberish All right, number three. Yes, christina. I know you hate the cord I can see you talking about the cord everyone else Hasn't spotted it yet But now they have that I've pointed it out, which is probably a bad move on my part And now I will get a connector to make it longer. We should get wireless be like space Man, I thought about it though. They'll be expensive though. I think Yeah, sorry, sorry if man keeps Escape keys paying us then who knows maybe one day we can afford anything that we want That's space cake headphones Astronaut suits You're trying to be a bit irish and you're being more discreet that is german I'm gonna go not german That Isn't German isn't isn't Fuck I was too confident to all to all to all to all to all to all going into the fourth. It's to all. Okay Laufen mit gebrochener Beinen Yeah, that's irish Laufen mit gebrochener Beinen. Oh wait. No laughing is definitely german No, it's not you're trying to it's not german, but you what do you think brown you can choose first? Yeah, I don't think it's german Yeah, I have to go with that It is No, it is it is german Both wrong So we got one more. Yeah, it's to all and there's one left. We have to go. Oh wait. You can both have a guess at what that means Laufen mit gebrochener Beinen It's about laughing in the At the pub with your mates Pushing your dog out the door It is running with broken legs Ah picture so close Running is laughing Laufen Laufen Okay, last one last one No, no way Just so you know if you are wrong about that that is incredibly racist Yeah, so I'm gonna just to save face. I'm gonna say it's german. It's not german. It's german. You're gonna say it is german Yeah, he's saying it's not Well, let me tell you that it is german You are fucking you're doing the twists of irish It's a roller coaster of language, baby. You know how I jump on jump aboard everyone. I don't want to jump on it Here's how I picked it. Oh, I get the spoon done Yes, three two before you do it. Um, someone said they're gonna make us a wooden spoon and send it to us for these Thank you so much. Honestly. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Yeah, it gives you shit Yeah, it is just All right, by the way, that means um lick broken glass Prepare the leg Prepare the leg Hack away hack away on the mood for pain Oh Kill him Ah Don't touch it. Oh man, I'm so glad that's not me right now. I'm so glad Okay, I'm regretting them that happens to me but today it's not Oh, it's starting to sting. Oh dude, you've made it lump up Oi Don't touch it. I really loosened my wrist. Oh, oh, oh, you haven't made it lump up. Yeah, I think you need it You need a bit of a slap, dude. Okay All right, oh man, I made me tired next segment we have a relationship advice and um, we're only going to do like two of these because Been going for a long time. So Oh Yeah All right first one we have an entry from someone who would like to remain anonymous Yeah, good day boys want to keep this one anonymous and that but yeah, I've got fucking uh, what's called Problems and that we find the new bitch. Haha. Yeah. I'll still write poems to a beat about my last girl I guess you could call them raps or fucking whatever But I'll never show her. I'll just perform them to the new girls And they all seem to leave and that was just wandering on some tips to keep new girls around even though I still cry nearly daily about the last one. Haha. You stab key spin around hug me, but don't leave me stab And that is an anonymous, um, dam that we got sent. Um It sounds so so much like Well, yeah, I guess it does sort of sound like Julian Okay. Well, I reckon For new girls You just have to you have to start a podcast. You have to be the producer of the podcast Um, introduce a segment. Um where they do like a I don't know some sort of have amazing friends that find them for you Dating around yourself and then um try and funnel new girls in that way But that would be my advice and have a competition at the end of the year for the favorite three What what do you think being at your house? Well, it's a brand new entry Three days, man, you can have three Squatting on your cock and then moving on Squat move squat move squat move in some sort of disgusting circle where you mince in all three of them Can we record squat move squat move squat move? Oh my god squat move. What the fuck is squat move? Oh, shit, um Any more relationship advice that we need to give? Oh, there's one here. Um, I read it out brown read it out That is not what it says I fell in love with a girl I used to work with ultimately ruined me and ending up moving back home I even had her with my whole family for christmas. He had they had her And that was when I found out she was sleeping with other dudes Pretty full on downward spiral since then wait, so he was with her He was with her he even took it a christmas with the family and then he found out she's if it's official Then yeah, I guess you gotta break up with her. Hey, that sucks. Okay, that sucks But you need to give there's not a lot of time and you need to move on there's more she was a bitch She was a fucking bitch And that's good. You're not with a fucking bitch Well, what's the west it could be the advice that he's all say though the advice is oh, he's not finished Um, she might save it somehow imagine if she took him to like bg or something. Yeah, holy shit. I love vg, man Yeah, he's he says other than sleeping with oh, I'm guessing it's a yeah other than sleeping with other people Um, what would you do to distract yourself? My distraction was jim, but I've lost motivation He has some back feeling like shit distract yourself with An old sport that you love. Yeah, like that you played as a kid Getting you get some hobbies and you don't have to like the first hobby you do man Try multiple hobbies. Matt. What do you do for hobbies? I collect basketball cards Cut that conna. Don't do that. Why? No, leave that in conna people need to know that about matt brown and people might even send basketball cards in You know, I hope so. I hope so exactly All right. Yeah, send me basketball cards. I would be very thankful Get back into the gym if you can because that's sort of healthy have or do some exercise That's more fun or something Eat you could probably eat you could probably eat. No, I eat. I'm Here we go. Old mate. Yeah eating is dangerous. Like you can eat yourself into a coma Yeah, you know, but yeah, like beans and shit. Yeah into a coma. Yeah, okay Why haven't I farted yet, man? Yeah, the protein stopped working. It's like I just can't win I just can't win or swim. I can't swim or win Ah What age did you learn to swim or did your parents not teach you? Yeah, I just got tossed into creeks until I found my way to the side Oh Oh, what about you? Oh, I got lessons. I think Oh, I think my dad taught me my I never had lessons. Fuck swimming lessons Really? It's the boringest sport. I went to the beach You were born in water like and that brown was born. He was hatched out of an egg a water berth I reckon imagine like taking your kid to go do swimming. Were you as hard birth or did you slip straight out? Fuck what? I know that you haven't asked your mom. No, she hasn't said. Oh, I was in fucking this many hours So you want me to ask? Hey mom, was that a hard birth or did I just slither out? Yeah, I was I want you to ask her what it was like Giving birth to you still birth and then they had delay you were still born. Okay. So now, all right I'll ask still born until they did that The electric thing on your fucking head. I'll ask my mom What kind of birth I was and I'll bring it back next week. I would appreciate it. Okay Make a make a little note there And Michael, I think you should do the same. I was a cesarean. My umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck See Michael knows Michael knows she tried to I was fully butterfly effect. I think I was um There's really no record of how I was born I reckon you came out of a fire found in a bin I think you came out of a fucking fire Your dad and mom Like dust and shit into the fire Look it could be that could be the case But I don't know just speaking this weird tongue Honestly, that could be that that could be that could be what happened. I don't know making potions Look vomiting that that it's like a what happened fucked ritual. Yep. Exactly. It could be it was like It was a fucking bloody bloody sex could well have been that I'm not gonna rule anything out till I've spoken to my mother Do you understand? That's so how you were born, dude could be Spot on Through some sort of tribal ritual in Germany I germinated from the ashes I germinated German. That's how Germans germinate, baby I believe so I could be wrong Yeah, I haven't been there for a while. I believe so I think so but I could be wrong but it is how I was born Stop looking at me Oh, well, you haven't been back for a while since like 10 years ago. They've won't let me go back, huh? Oi, look at your little flilly. Yeah, it's fully swollen. Thank you. All right. We're time constraints. So oh, yeah Oh, p.r. Box. Oh, p.r. Box. Everyone. Whoa If you want to send his shit send him to p.r. Box two five six taken four zero one eight Queensland Australia from my buddy Oh, yes Look, we keep getting told by people that they're sending us stuff, but they never seem to arrive Well, the australian post says can you cover that up? He's a bit rude. Oh, yeah, we got to watch the words Oh, no, it's a fucking code No, wait, I want to read this. I'm just scared. I'm just scared. They're gonna see it through the back Okay, there is no sperm, but please read both sides because I need to tell you guys something important Here we fucking go. I trust him Oh, I would not. There was no sperm. Oh, wait. Yeah, there's definitely It always comes on his lettuce. Oh, okay. He's so fast. It's pretty dry though. Only a little bit Oh, man, okay Unless matt wants to say sorry for all the times he calls Me weird when your p.o. Box sign say send weird shit. Oh, true And I swear and write fucked up shit to make the podcast great and viewers happy That's it for now. But don't forget matt. This is war now me and you watch out for your next letter Long live very bad man And a very bad bad regime in a country where I originated yeah, where he arose from the fucking ashes Dear marty michael, I write letters to you a lot of letters to podcast because I don't want your p.o. Box segment and podcast to fail Yeah, that's so true. We wouldn't have any p.o. Box if it weren't for this Warring man this fine man. And this is the code guy. This is My say when I say Season four episode one and I might not write a lot of letters now because you guys don't want me to by swearing So I will stop until you read letters with bad words But I will not stop writing to matt since he said bring it on season four episode one Dude, we appreciate your letters. We just can't read some of the words. Yeah, you say some I guess we said Not many people get sent come pretty much every week It's not the cum that bothers me Everyone shut the fuck up. Okay. Look at the camera. Look at the camera All right, that was very very it is time for the prank call and it is time for ronda To make her day, but it's gonna check the cameras Oh, no I saw the middle one shaking and fizzing around a bit. It spun up Spun upwards. All right. This is the prank call and what we are What we are going to do right now is I'm going to call It's a couple of pubs You know, I'm just gonna call because I've lost so many walls Rhonda is calling a pub. Yes. Here we go. What's the screw up up? I'm just come down What tuesdays good Okay, I'll just come down before Is um, I'll kind of find more walls missing on me bag. It's just down Down the package I was just calling. Let's say maybe Excuse me Calling saying maybe if someone had picked that up or some something like that Darling, which I was probably left maybe I'm gonna say maybe It's a time. What's the time? I'm probably about Maybe five o'clock or something. Maybe four o'clock. I'm not like a hundred percent sure I'm Yeah, of course. Yes, please please do please do Okay, my name is ronda And that's r h o n d a and then two h's at the end Rhonda Langston Rhonda Lang Let's contact phone numbers. I have four two three One nine six Yep, one nine seven Seven sorry, excuse me. One nine six one nine seven one nine six one nine seven. That's right Is that anyway darling? You could do me a favor and just go on quickly duck down to the there's a machine there with the The mine the gold mine machine. I was playing spent maybe 200 dollars Also machine if she could just pop it down and have a quick Look at the machine for me darling because it's got like a lot of cash in it $50 It's pink roxy. Well, you know roxy brand Yeah, yeah Yes, I was pink roxy while and it's got my license You should see her ronda lang ronda langston Lawson's Sure, okay. So the gold one machine you said yeah, it's I think it's a gold one or maybe the one Next to I can't remember. I had a few features Yeah, all right. Um, I'll come have a look. I'll bring you back That'll be that'll wait on the phone darling. I've got it's Take I'm stressing out about you know what I mean Yeah, okay. All right. Okay, darling. Hurry along now Fuck Fuck and how Can't even stand up She would take you machine. It's all my money I'm gonna come down and Give you a wallop pink Pink roxy wall If I find out they stolen it Is it dabby hearing from my Uncle and he's studying to do lawyer He even said that I can come to him with problems So I can just call him Straight away if they're stolen on my old wallop. So she sells cash In tens and fives You can't Leaves that are lying around for too long these days And because it's some fucking cunt It's kind of collected my wallop It's pretty much a soul It's a soul hundred and ten percent of the soul Your properties is part of who you are as a person Excuse me Fucking hurry up The packing machine's maybe 20 meters from the bar Why is she taking so long like what's the whole up she carrying my money or something? Found me with the brown mints mr. Brown mr. Brown Mmm I might have some wine with dinner There's a red bottle of churras In the pantry F for special occasion, but Dinner I want The only live ones They better fucking find my wallop I love how that's just to be hearing from my uncle And he's starting to do the lie out Hey Hello Fuck's sake Are you kidding me right now? You're gonna put me on hold Excuse me It says they're gonna make me wait I can't walk down by now Hello Come on six seven minutes All right. Oh my god. It took so long. I thought you patted me on hold or some shit The uh, come on now you tell me the pink ruxi wallet it had $50 cash in it So Look, uh, it just starts them. I'm gonna have to come down and look for myself because uh last time I lost small one It turns out that one of the bartenders had a snaggy snaggy potter in there, but So, um, so maybe um, maybe you got you know where is but you don't want to tell You my uncle is studying to be lawyer, okay, he said I can call her whenever I need help Okay, so just bear that in mind next time you steal my wallet because I spend More than more than 200 dollars a week. Okay, you're an establishment Oh, I I'd fix excuse me. I beg to death. Okay. I can hear in your voice Do you think you know, I know you got it? Okay, and I'm coming down like a ton of bricks On that establishment that you call home Rhonda is my favorite character She's right. It felt right. She beats Arnold fine. She beats Arnold fine. Yeah, really? She hits him Dude, she would that is fuck. I think that's Arnold. What Arnold finds wife I think we've got a She did the hiccups she thought you were intoxicated and you were a woman She thought you're an intoxicated woman They'd probably get them all apart. Do we call yourself? I don't know if we should say I cut the uh, yeah, yeah, we call them because because then I can call them all the time You lose your wallet everywhere every Tuesday night. I'll lose something every time And hopefully there is a patron called ronda there who gets drunk and they think it's her Oh, fuck That's looking her up on the members computer. That's one of my most favorite prank calls. I reckon ever I was on hold. I think yeah, the hold part was just like half the fault. Yeah, the whole part was very well done It actually felt like I was there were ronda That was so good. Thank you Oh talent bricks Kazan likes talent bricks My dad my uncle is a lawyer. She's gonna come down. Yeah Oh, very very and that brings us to the end of episode number three And um, michael would like to leave you with this parting message Before you've made a choice Your brain has made that choice Meaning there is no more free will Oh We are the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best