 Suspense. Auto light and its 96,000 dealers present Mr. Eddie Cantor in double entry. A suspense play produced and edited by William Spear. Well, a weeping reindeer. What's wrong? I just lost my job. Oh, that's terrible and so near Christmas. By the way, what's your name? Donna. Well, tell me, Donna, how do Blitz and Dancer and Prancer feel about this? Oh, just awful. They've been fired, too. You see, when Santa Claus, he is, or rather was our boss, first heard about your auto light stay-full batteries, he decided to give up the sleigh and make his deliveries by car. Oh, Santa fell in love with those stay-full features, eh? I guess so, but I don't know why. Oh, that's easy. You see, his auto light stay-full battery needs water only three times a year in normal sleigh car use. And then, too, it gives him, pardon the expression, reindeer fast starts, even in the North Pole. And what's more with those fiberglass retaining mats protecting every positive plate, auto light stay-full batteries deliver 70% longer average life than batteries without stay-full features. That's shown by recent tests based on SAE life cycle standards. Well, that doesn't make me any happier. Oh, come on, dear. Cheer up. It is the season to be jolly. Remember, you're always bright with auto light. Mr. Cantor appears as Eddie, with Sidney Miller as Sam, his bosom friend, in double entry. An unusual story of clerical crime at Christmas time. Altogether, a most remarkable tale of suspense. It always balances in the double entry system. If it don't, you hang around until it does. Yeah, even Christmas week. That's what I've been doing all my life, keeping books. It's fascinating, positively fascinating. Look at them figures. Beautiful, ain't they? Calligraphy, they call it. That's Greek for beautiful handwriting, you know. I bet in my day I've written billions of figures. Oh, hundreds of billions. And cash? Say, I've handled so much cash, my fingers are calloused. Why, once I even got water on the thumb from licking it to count money. But so what? What cash? You go along every day, counting it, piling it up. Never thinking who owns it. Never even think about what it will buy. Handling cash is just the same as adding figures. A job. One day something happens that makes you look on things different. There's no excitement in an office, no danger, no heroism, no adventure, not much chance to risk anything to do something for a pal. So if a guy gets a chance to do a favor, to help out a pal who's in a jam, well, maybe you look on cash a little different. All of a sudden cash is more than pieces of metal and bits of green paper. And if it's Christmas week, if it's Christmas Eve, and your pal is true blue, it's even more important. Eddie, hand me that Dixie cup, will you? Your ulcers bothering you again, Sam? Yeah, bad. These ledgers are driving me nuts. You got the wrong temperament for an accountant, Sam. You shouldn't let it get you down. Things can't go on like this, Eddie. What's the matter, Alice? Don't Alice understand you? No, no, no. That's not what I mean, Eddie. What do you mean, Sam? You wouldn't understand it. You always say that, Sam. I'm an understand guy. That's what Mabel says. Mabel says. You understand Mabel. Does she understand you? Certainly, perfectly. A man's wife has to understand him. If she don't, what good is she? It's a nice way to look at it. If your wife understands you. Don't Alice understand you? No, Alice don't understand me. That's cause you don't understand her. Well, you shut up. Sometimes you're so smug. Oh, lay off, Sam. You can't go on like this. Like what? Grouchy all the time? You got something on your mind that Alice don't understand? Try me out. I won't throw no dishes at you. I can't tell you that. It wouldn't matter anyway. You can't do nothing. Well, just telling your troubles helps sometime. Talk, Sam. Talk, Sam. This is Eddie, your friend. OK. OK. It's the auditors. Oh, them guys? Yeah. Don't let them worry you. You had bookkeeper here, ain't you? You tell them. Don't let them tell you. I'm telling you, Eddie. They're getting awful close. What are you talking about? They're driving me nuts. Why, Sam? Eddie, I'm light. You mean? The books. They're light. They're short. You mean that? I'm a crook, Eddie. Yeah, I'm a bezler. And they're going to get me. Those auditors, they're on to me. I know they are. I can feel them getting closer and closer. Now, after nine years, they're on the trail. You were crook, Sam. I don't believe it. I wish I were dreaming. Why, Sam, you're the fair-haired boy around here. All you had to do was ask. Ask who? Bartholomew, that tight-fisted stopper? It's Alice. She's to blame, I know. She wasn't satisfied with your salary. She wanted ermine, capes, diamonds, a box at the opera. I know she drove you to it, Sam. Don't blame her, Eddie. This one, we can't blame on Alice. She doesn't even know anything about this, caper. Well, if she didn't drive you to it, why'd you do it? All those kids on the block, they wanted to go to camp. Yeah, that's how it started, Eddie, with unknown benefactory. What? You don't make sense, Sam. What do you? It was just $100 or so at first. I figured to put it right back, then the papers come out with unknown benefactor sends 20 kids to summer camp. Oh, that got me. That unknown benefactor. So that was you, huh? Yeah, yeah. And pretty soon, I was taking out $100 here, $100 there, sending it off to all sorts of people and outfits. I sent though to help the Institute for Aged Cats. Yeah, then I was an unknown contributor to help save Vaudville movement and kids. I was always helping kids, a regular Scrooge. No, no, no, no, Santa Claus, Sam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it made me feel great. Of course, I'd cover up on the books here with a fake entry, hoping I'd hit on the market and be able to put it all back, you know. Come here, but you were always unable to make a recoup. Kept getting in deeper. Sam Crockett and Ambassador, and for nine years. Don't say it, Eddie. Nine years. How much did you take in all that time? $100,000 and 11 cents. Where am I going to get that kind of money? I could dig up to 11 cents. Oh, wisecracks. That's all you're good for. Jail's staring me in the face. Why do you want me to say? What do you generally say? What do you generally say to your friend when he tells you he's a crook? I told you because it feels good to get it off my chest. Nine years of hell. That's why you've been so nervous. That's where my ulcers come from. Every night, working late, covering up and sweating, worrying, thinking of the ultimate end. The walls closing in on me, Eddie. And now, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hello, yes? Yes, Mr. Patholomew. Send Crockett in? OK. My master's voice. Patholomew wants to see you. Wag your tail, Fido. Wag it. I can't even drag it. Say, Eddie, didn't I see the auditors go in there a minute ago? Yeah. Yeah, come to think they did, Sam. This is it, kid. Merry Christmas. Maybe it's not, Sam. I got a feeling. I'm not scared, Eddie. No, no, it's a relief. Now I'll sleep nights. Maybe my ulcer will clear up. Look at those kids. Those kids are going to take it hard when they read about their unknown benefactor doing time. A hundred grand. Holy. Wonder what he did with the 11 cents. Say a stack, I suppose. What a chop. Your name, Eddie? Yeah, what about it? What about it? I think freeze. Mr. Flint said to drop in, see if you want to place a bet today. Flint who? What do you mean, Flint who? Mike Flint. Ain't your name, Eddie? Sure, but I never heard of Mike Flint. You got the wrong Eddie. My name's Sullivan. Oh, he didn't tell me no last name. Oh, I don't know. He says, look up Eddie in 411 Perry Trust Building. This is 511. Oh, for Pete's sake. Wait a minute. Wait, you say you take bets on horses? I'll take a bet on a camel if he's running a tropical park. Are you a bookie? Well, I ain't no taxidermist, pal. Say, I may be the right Eddie after all. Got any odds? Well, if you're on the level, Eddie. You're in the business. Do I look like a stool pigeon? OK, Eddie. I guess you're OK. Odds, huh? You want odds? Well, let's see. A tropical park? I can give you 10 to 1 in the first race. A lepo. Finished last in a field of nine is only other start. Let's see the form. You see, odds is OK if you don't bet too heavy. Play odds like a side bet, Eddie. The thing to play is the jockey, not the horse. Now you take Sylvester. One three yesterday, two on Monday, one on Sunday. Oh, he's hot, very hot. He can ride any dog into the money. Does he ride a long shot today? No, he's got two favorites and four short odds nags. He'll win, say, two races today. Maybe three, one for Santa Claus. Say, here's a 50 to one shot. Altruism. Altruism? I never heard of him. I got a hunch. Well, play it. Play it. Always play hunches. Let's see who this altruism is. Never raced before. And how do you know he's no good? Well, I don't. But look who he's running against. War alarm, unbeaten at three starts. Test tube, last year's gold cup runner up. And file clerk. Oh, say, there's a hunch for you, Eddie. I ain't no file clerk. And I'm playing altruism, if you don't mind. OK, Eddie, OK. Just give me your two bucks. Is that all I can bet? Well, no, Eddie. But gee, I don't want to play you for a sucker. How about two grand? Oh, why would you tie that bull to a fence? Will you take two grand on altruism? On the level, Eddie? Sure is tonight's Christmas Eve. Where would you get that kind of dough? Borrow it from the boss? Well, I'll have to get Flint's OK. Let me use your phone, huh? Go ahead. Two grand. Oh, that's not stage money, Eddie. Neither is 100 grand. Could you pay off? Well, sure. Flint will cover any bet I make. Hello. Give me Flint. See, this Flint is a very smart cookie. Maybe he don't want it. Oh, hello, Mike. This is Fink. Look, there's a man's got 2,000 bucks he wants to put on an egg called altruism and the third are tropical. The odds are 50 to 1. How about it? Uh-huh. But if he wins, Mike. Well, sure I'm a gambler, but 50 to 1. Hey, the guy hung up. Funny guy to Flint. Am I a gambler, he says? Well, OK, Eddie. We'll play two grand on altruism's nose for you, OK? Well, all right, but it's a lot of dough to hand over to someone I never saw before. Well, I never saw you before either, Mr. Yeah, but what chance are you taking? Look, quit stalling, Eddie. Are you betting or not? OK. Wait till I get the money. Here it is. 1,000, 1,100, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. Makes $2,000. Thanks, Eddie. What you shaking for? Is this your life savings or something? No, no, no, there's lots more where this came from. Oh, of course, of course. You're independently wealthy. Yeah, that's it, Fink's here. I mean, you're a card. Oh, card? Oh, gee, I almost forgot. Here's my card, and here's your ticket. Now, hang on to it. Might be worth $100,000. OK, Fink, I, uh, I mean... Hey, you all right? You look kind of green. You've just been looking at too much dough, Fink. Well, maybe. You drop around this afternoon about three. The address is on the card. Your dog is running in. Goodbye, altruism. So long, Fink. So long, Eddie. Hello? Sullivan, this is Mr. Bartholomew. Yes, sir. Speak up. Yes, sir. That's better, Sullivan. Sullivan, I want you to send a nice new $100 bill to the Second Street Mission. Put it in a plain envelope and don't write anything with it. Oh, uh, wrap it in a piece of paper so no one will know what it is at the post office. I want to send a nice little anonymous gift as a surprise, a nice crisp $100 bill. Yes, sir, Mr. Bartholomew. Second Street Mission. I may send them a little something myself later. Yeah. Eddie. Eddie, it's OK. I got by. What? I'm clear that auditors missed it. What's the matter? Aren't you glad? You mean you ain't going to jail? Oh, not this year. Are you sure, Sam? I'm positive, Eddie. The auditors are through. Not a chance of getting caught. Not a chance, Sam? Not a chance, Eddie. There could be a slip-up. No, no, no. There couldn't. What's the matter with you? Aren't you glad for me? Sure. Look, already I'm doing hand springs. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Of course, it doesn't solve things completely. You said it. I'm still short, but that's OK. Oh, sure. I'll think of something. I got a whole year. No more unknown benefactors, though. I'm very glad. Eddie, I don't quite get it, though. Bartholomew buttering me up. He says, we know everything is in good shape, Sam. No use putting these auditors to any more trouble. Just have them check the cash on hand, and that'll wind it up. The cash? Yeah. Sam, hand me that Dixie cup by the typewriter. Yeah, sure. You dry? Very. How are you going to get the 100 grand back in the books? Oh, I don't know. Why? Maybe I can raise some dough. You couldn't raise a Venetian blind. But what are you worrying for? I'm out of a jam. And I'm in. What are you? What's on your mind? Just two or three years. That's all. Now I suppose you're going to tell me you've been swiping postage stamps. Oh, no, no, nothing as bad as that. Look, I'm your pal, Sam. Oh, sure. I'd do anything for you. Then talk, Sam. I hated to think of you and Singsing for six months, Sam, so I'm going there myself for a few years. What do you say? I took 2,000 bucks, embedded on a 50 to one shot at Tropical Park, Sam. No. Yes. No. Yes, I did it. Oh, no. No, tell me you're kidding me, Eddie. I did it for you, Sam, for Christmas. What? A guy don't get a chance to prove his friendship very often. Friendship? You talk of friendship at a time like this? We're both as good as in Singsing right now. And me the longest. I hope so. Of all the dumb tricks. And you didn't make any entries, huh? No, no. Just took it, just. Eddie, Eddie, how'd you come to bet on a horse? You never made a bet. What bookies do you know? Here, here's his card. He just happened in by accident. A truck should just happen by accident to run over you. Maybe he'd give it back, Sam. Oh, sure, sure. Bookies are that way. Philanthropists, all of them. Besides, there's probably no such address as this. Oh, don't be hard on me, Sam. After all, I risked my own neck to save yours. No greater love. And maybe this horse will win. A 50 to one? Well? Let me see that card. Let. All we can do is try and get the dough back. He was awful nice, Sam. Oh, shut up. Nice. Look, fake an entry in the books, then we'll pay Mr. Fink Free's a call. Friendship. Yeah, friendship. We're in this together, pal. But all I is bringing you, Mr. Eddie Cander, in double entry tonight's production in Radio's Outstanding Theater of Thrills. Suspense. Hey, Donner, why the sudden switch? You were sadder than a bride's first batch of biscuits a few minutes ago. Oh, Santa changed his mind. He's sticking to tradition. And I'm going back to work. Well, good for you. It's even better for you. Santa thinks your auto light-stayful batteries are so good, he's decided to bring one to every car owner. Gosh, what a wonderful way to be greeted Christmas morning. Imagine finding one of these brawny bundles of endless energy, the auto light-stayful battery that needs water only three times a year in normal car use, all wrapped up in red ribbon under your tree. But speaking of Christmas greetings, friends, I have a card here, and it's addressed to you. It says may your holiday this year be the cheeriest ever. And it's signed The Auto Light Folks. To that, let me add merry Christmas wishes from all of us on suspense. Happy holiday to you all. And now, auto light brings back to our Hollywood sound stage our star Eddie Cantor with Sidney Miller in double entry, a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. On the subway up to the bookies place, I didn't say a word. I just stared at the ads and kept thinking of how I'd mess things up and wondering what Sam was thinking. The window we sat near had bars on it. I felt I was already in jail. Well, we got to the bookies. It was a great, big, large room. That truck is now vast at Tropical Park. Oh, wow. Well, if I ain't the millionaire bookkeeper, hi, Eddie. Oh, hello there, Fink. Welcome to our humble joint. Of course, I ain't like Hialeah. But it's as close to it as we can get in New York. I know. This is Sam Crockett, Fink, my friend. I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Crockett. Smart man you got working with you. He's going to make himself a pile of dough this afternoon, aren't you, Eddie? Look, look, fella, this is all a mistake. Eddie had no business betting $2,000 on a horse. The fact is, it wasn't his money. Well, I am surprised. You see, he was trying to help someone. So he helped himself to $2,000, huh? Fink, Fink, give us a break and return the money. We'll both go to jail if we don't put it back. Scratch, slow boy. I'm very sorry, fellas, but I can't do nothing. I've turned in the dough. I just work here. I can't get that back. Oh, you've got to help us, Fink. Look, I'd like to, Crockett, but how can I? This is a business. Now, suppose that I ask the boss. He says it's a contract. He can't back up. Neither can you. Where would we be if we asked you to take your money back? Yeah, but don't you see, we'll go to sing, sing, sing. Two minutes to post time for the third at Tropical Place events now, men. Maybe those bills were counterfeit. You could tell the cashier the dough's no good, huh? How can I, Eddie? He can spot a phony from 50 yards. Look, Fink. The auditors are checking our books now. All I can say is I'm very sorry. And I hope this nag wins for you. But I can't do a thing about it. In the third. Oh, we're sunk, Eddie. I'm really sorry, boys. I should have known better than to take your dough. He sounded like he meant it to him. So what? Come on, let's go. Ain't you interested in hearing the race over the loudspeaker? No. Well, I am. It's me who started this. I'm going to get my money's worth. That's Tropical in the third, a correction. Sylvester is riding altruism. Did you hear that, Sam? You mean we get a jockey? Now, don't be funny. This guy, Sylvester, is hot. He's winning two or three races a day. And Tropical in the third, they're away at 317. They're off, Sam. I got ears. Oh, gosh. At the quarter, it's war-armed dive bomber, Calumet Powell, Dunnion, Westwood Ho, Fileclerk, Ballionette, Maschi, Nibblic, Timmett, So, Golden West, Test 2, Boxard, Blocker, Eliza, and altruism. No wonder you got 50 to 1. There's 50 horses. That's not a race. It's a caravan. Last place. Now, are you satisfied? OK, Sam. Let's go. Sea Biscuit couldn't win in a crowd like that unless he cut across the infield. Oh, you sure pick them. Come on. What are you waiting for? I'm not waiting. Quit pushing me. Am I pushing you? That's a half. Listen, listen. Valiant Ned, by a length, war-armed, a second Test 2, but third, dive bomber, fourth Dunnion, Calumet, Power, Westwood, Ho, Fileclerk, Timmett, So, Golden West, early riser, Maschi, Nibblic, altruism, and auction blockers dropped out. That nag is taking the pause that refreshes. Well, he's come up. If enough drop out, he can win. Yeah, the race would have to last two days, huh? Why didn't they run it in heats? Well, might as well hang around till the end. Has Sam? Well, I guess. In the stretch, Valiant Ned is still leading by a length, Test 2, but second, war-armed, a third, and coming up is altruism. Did he say altruism? He said it. Get the results. Hey, Porky, how about the finish? Coming over to line up. Sylvester. Sylvester, ride, boy, ride, ride. Don't wring your hands. It's too late to pray. The race is over. Who's the winner? Who's the winner? I don't know. The wire is always a minute behind. Eddie, we've got a chance. Christmas comes but once a year. That's too close for comfort. Oh, why did Flint let me take that bet? The winner, after a fair drop ago, is altruism. No. My horse, yours, mine. He won. He won. Sam, he won. No, he won. He won, Eddie. Well, am I a chump now? You're a champ, Eddie. You're a champ. Oh, it was nothing, Sam. Only a sap could do it. Thanks, Sam. Holy smoke. This does it. Fink, I almost forgot. You got to fork over the money. Yeah, that's just about busts this joint. But how about calling it off? Colin, remember what you said about contracts? Well, yeah, if I'd have known they were switching Sylvester on that door. Come on, when do we get paid off? Well, right now, Crockett. Come on over to the cashier. Cash? Do we have to take cash? Oh, absolutely. Here, give me your ticket. Here. Now, here's the cashier at this window. 100 grand speed. Look, the cashier don't bat an eye. I'm going to take the money. The cops! It's a raid! How about my dough? Grab that cashier. He's going out the back door. Well, the cops jugged everyone into place. Fink and the other gamblers got away with the 100 grand. And we had to wait until Christmas morning for a hearing. But every silver lining has a rip in it. I don't see how they got away. Oh, my sore. We sit here in the can and they're off with all that dough. We were framed, Sam. The whole thing was planned. Oh, you're crazy. How'd Fink know altruism would win? You can't turn on a police raid like a shower bath. Well, how are we ever going to find those guys? We won't. And if we do, it won't do us any good. Because you haven't got the ticket anymore. And even if you had, you couldn't force them to pay because bookmaking isn't legal. It's gambling. Keep on. I love to hear your ulcer talk. And it fits so nicely with these surroundings. You might as well get used to it. We'll be living in quarters like this for some time. Quiet, Sam. Here comes the keeper. And he's got Fink with him. Good. He deserves to be in jail. Hello, Eddie. I got something for you. I'm sorry. I'm just not interested in tips at all. Oh, no, Eddie. You don't understand. I just come to say, Merry Christmas. And this, this is for you, Eddie. For me? What is that? Open it, Eddie. Are you? Look, Sam, 2,000 bucks. 2,000 bucks? That's right. That's all I got. It's my own dough. Mike went blue town, so this is the best I can do, Eddie. Oh, gee, thanks, Fink. Thanks. You're a prince. Just call him Santa Claus. So there I was, back where I started at scratch. All I had to do was to put the dough back in the cash drawer. They made us pay a $10 fine, and we got home in time for Christmas dinner. The next morning, we took the subway downtown. Sam read the paper, and I just stared at the ads as usual. Eddie, quite a story about altruism. Picture of Sylvester. Just a kid, 19, weighs 105. Look at that ad. It says to spell it backwards. If they want you to read it that way, why didn't they turn it around? Eddie, look. I don't know why they, uh, what is it, Sam? Look, this picture. It's Bartholomew. They've arrested him. What for? Embezzlement, Eddie. But that's you, Sam. Listen to this. Bartholomew confessed to having embezzled company funds to the tune of a quarter of a million dollars when auditors discovered a shortage in cash of $2,000. So that's why he was hurrying those guys around. Let me see. Look. What a business. Everyone in it is a crook. Hey, Sam. Sam, where you going? Back to the police station. I'm giving myself up. Giving yourself up at Sam's? No, Eddie. I'd never sleep again if I escaped scot-free. Besides, I'd like to get away from Alice for six months. But Sam! When nobody was looking, I slipped the $2,000 back into the cash drawer. And Sam, well, Sam went to the police and gave himself up. But guess what? They didn't want him. They already had their man. Sam wrote out a confession offered to show them the books, but they just laughed at him. Called him a publicity seeker. He pleaded with him, but it was no use. Even Bartholomew called him a fool. Imagine Sam fought for the right to go to prison, and they laughed at him. Then he went to the newspapers, even to the district attorney, explaining what he'd done with the money. But they wouldn't believe him either. That's the thing that finally broke Sam's heart. No one would believe that he was the famous unknown benefactor. They told him, go on, Santa Claus. Go back to your reindeer. Sam would have preferred a few quiet months and sing, sing, breaking rocks. He could have got rid of his ulcers. He would have got away from Alice, but no. Hey, Eddie, hand me that dexter cup, will you? Your ulcers bothering you again, Sam? Yeah, yeah, something awful. Keepin' ledger straight is drivin' me nuts. Oh, son. Suspense presented by Auto Light. Tonight star, Eddie Cantor, with Sidney Miller. Well, Eddie, suspense is a far cry from your Sunday night. Take it or leave it, show. Oh, not so far. There's a lot of suspense when we get to the $64 question. Well, to make you feel at home, you're Eddie, I've prepared a question for you to ask me. I'll bet I know the category, batteries. What else? All right, where's the question? Right here on this slip of paper. Let's see, it reads, is there anything that uses less water than an Auto Light staple battery? Now, isn't that a silly question to ask you, Harlem? Yes, it is, Eddie. The answer is so obvious. Well, Auto Light staple batteries need water only three times a year in normal car use. Any more questions? No, Eddie, and thank you. Friends, Auto Light staple batteries are made by Auto Light, who make more than 400 other products for cars, trucks, planes, and boats in 28 plants coast to coast. These include complete electrical systems used as original equipment on many makes of America's finest cars, batteries, spark plugs, generators, coils, distributors, starting motors, and bullseye-sealed beam headlights. All engineered to fit together perfectly, work together perfectly, because they're a perfect team. So don't accept electrical parts supposed to be as good. Ask for and insist on Auto Light, original factory parts at your neighborhood service station, car dealer, garage, or repair shop. Remember, you're always right with Auto Light. And friends, once again, Merry Christmas to all and to all, good night. Next Thursday for Suspense, Ida Lupino will be our star. The play is called The Bullet, and it is, as we say. A tale well-calculated to keep you in suspense. Tonight's Suspense play was produced and edited by William Speer and directed by Norman MacDonald. Music for Suspense is composed by Lucian Morrowack and conducted by Lud Bluskin. Double Entry is an original radio play by Robert Minton. You can buy Auto Light Stafel Batteries, Auto Light Resistor, or regular spark plugs, Auto Light Electrical Parts at your neighborhood, Auto Light Dealers. Switch to Auto Light, good night. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.