 listen it's the message right here black boy tell me how you really feel because i just want to build with you black girl tell me how you really feel i want to keep it real with you i want to live better eat better i want to love better sleep better yeah i want to feel so aligned why do hoes get chose and good girls don't definitions are very tricky hoes sexual liberation i don't know if it's a ho versus a good thing or versus i'm a ho verse i don't know i'm not saying i'm disagreeing but in my mind if that ho is given the man the attention that he wants specifically the attention that he thinks he needs but the good girl is saying prove yourself to me where you think he's gonna go if the good girl is saying impress me first not saying this is right or wrong i'm just saying that's the dynamic of when you say good girl this is what's happening in a relationship of a man and a good girl versus a man and a hoe if that hoe is listening or satisfying a specific need that this good girl will not give where is he gonna go he's gonna go to the hoe if that good girl is having unrealistic expectations about how she needs to feel in the conversation versus understanding that as much as you're impressing you need to impress me you need to woo me but i also need to show that i can care for you if the man feels that it's a one-sided thing he's going to go to a woman who understands a transaction a hoe i do this for you and you will do this for me because no matter what it is you give a different name or whatever it is to to him but he's feeling in that moment that what i'm giving to you i'm getting something in return versus this situation where at certain times is one doing and then the other times is another person saying okay i accept versus i'm doing and then you're also doing if the synergy or the energy is not reciprocated niggas is gonna go for the hose and the good girls will be less stranded i put them in quotes because i still don't know the definition of hose versus a good girl just yet but i'm trying to tell you what the dynamic is of what will attract a man versus not attract a man that's how i answered that question if that makes sense okay describe your ideal woman and describe her ideal man so pretty much is my ideal woman i'm my my ideals woman's man that's a good question oh damn that's a good ass question my ideal woman i'm looking for a woman who's compared who i'm i think i'm compatible to you know i don't have a list i do have a list i'm not cap i do but i don't know if it's that long um i'm just looking for a black woman probably specifically but apart from that anything else is compatibility so i would assume i'm that woman's man too because i'm compatible to her and she's compatible to me then we can discuss our model of love and what it would look like for us what it would how would it would sustain us and eventually if we're thinking about a family how it would sustain our family too um but i'm looking for a compatibility i'm looking for a woman who understands my essence understands me why i'm doing what i do then if i can trust that then i've given her the permission to to look inside of me and decide what needs to be changed if i trust you on that i hope that i'm that man for you too in that other aspect of it so i'd like to believe that whoever i'm compatible to she's also going to be compatible to me what makes black men hesitant to fully unify in peace with black women what makes a black man hesitant to fully unify with a black woman maybe our goals are different it's not i don't know take it take the race out for example take everything out just talk about two human beings for us to unify we have to agree in certain terms but if just without the race right the pain point of black unification sometimes that because we're all black we think we see everything the same way and that's where it's confusing it's not a bad thing it's not a good thing it's just black women are having different priorities now and black men are having different priorities it's just that simple and my question when you asked me in the beginning was my theory and i think is my answer to this too if i was going to say my answer but it's also located theory because i wanted to be challenged but i do not remember any time in history where we went to black liberation and we all said yo this is what will make sense for us it never the world was just changing niggas is changing men are changing for what it's worth with you know women are changing drastically then women have different goals women have different ideas of how their family should be different have different everything has changed and specifically it's new men came up with a different models of families still open to changes but it's still different and then when you have those two goals i'm not saying you're not compatible i just said we haven't even talked about how we're changing so if we're changing so drastically where do we think this unification is going to come from not going to come from anywhere because we're all still we keep we're pretending like we're this shit is not making us different but it is making us different like for example it's i'll give you an example i don't know if a lot of people are just looking to get married or know why they're getting married right black men i would like to think that there is on the forefront of us is seeing that our marriage represents something a little bit more you know so we have to do things a different way if your man is suggesting that you'll look for this shit to make sense i am a man and i will take your certain responsibilities you approach a woman with that in that sense she may say no because she has a different definition of how a man should be in that marriage and i don't know if you guys know this but it's kind of hard to be told as a man how they should be in a family it's very difficult because i already have a model i'm not looking to be taught by a woman how to be a man in a relationship i'm not no woman is going to teach me that she's not going to teach me how to be a husband she's not going to teach me how to be a better man no no well a better man she can help and support correct but it's not she's not going to tell me how to be a husband in a relationship if she is then she could look for another man for that this is why i don't argue i don't have this conversation with that i'm just looking for the woman who understands where i'm coming that's all but i'm not looking to sit down and say hey look this is the kind of husband i want you to be in this in this family's like okay cool i'm just not the man here maybe just substitute me for another man it's not me i will just quietly escort myself out of that conversation i don't think you're wrong i just think you're just different from how i'm saying this that's all why do you hold on to women knowing you don't want to be with her long term that's a good question i'm trying to think if this happened to me before and i don't want to answer the question based on another person's answer but i know it happens a lot so i'm a little sensitive to that question of all questions i'll give you an answer that one i don't know it's it's tricky because time time is a very interesting thing so can i skip questions because i don't know the answer to that question um why do we what if what if we just don't like you what if we decided that we didn't like you eventually what if you were dating a girl that you really liked and then you decided you didn't like her so why do you hold on to her hold on to her oh that's the trick question okay you didn't get okay you didn't end up hold on to her you're not gonna be with her hold on so when you mean hold on you mean you kept telling her you kept telling how i want to be with you i want to continue to have a long-term relationship but then but you know deep inside you don't want that for her so it could look like that or it could look like um you know i don't want to be in a relationship with you but i'm still going to hit you up so you can come over or i still because he wants to enjoy being you know in your company like okay you romantically yeah but i don't want to be with you like why do you not why do you hold on to her in that aspect hmm just fulfilling something though but you're also admitting that he is telling you that he does not want to be in a relationship with you because i want to know the difference between a lie of him directly lying to you and if that's the case that's an easy answer he just didn't make a fucking lie to you versus telling you that he didn't like you but he like expects of you which i think everybody does do that to a certain extent i think do you understand what i'm saying i do i think in some and in most situations it's an unspoken thing so it's it's the it's not a direct lie of i want to be with you but i you know don't want to be with you long term or i just omit that i don't want to be with you long term but it's more of the we have fun i want to be with you let's continue doing what we're doing and i'm just not going to say anything i'm not gonna okay so if he doesn't say anything doesn't that mean that he's trying to decide if you're the long-term answer i don't know if men have a problem with deciding who's gonna be long term though is deciding if you're the one that's going to be the long-term answer but then if you know that she's not the long-term one why do you continue to engage in secret right taking our resources right right you allow you continue to allow her to pour into you for what yeah that's a good question i don't know i don't know i don't know the answer to that but yeah i don't i don't know the answer to that at least not yet but here are the factors that i see i don't know the answer to that specific question but the factor that i'm also seeing is if a man is approaching you to get resources from you and just use the word i wanted i don't want it to make it a intimate whatever just resources for me and you're not wanting to give him the resources because he's either said or not said which technically is an answer in itself right not that he wanted to be with you in the future why are you allowing him to take the resources from you there are two questions on board the questions that you asked me and the question i'm asking now why is he still being allowed to take the resources from me is it that you're believing that he has said something and is but you want it to be a different answer i think from a woman's perspective what you're saying and what you're doing don't match up so then women are trying to figure out which one is the truth is it true that you know you do want to be with me do enjoy my company my time because you continue to hit me up we continue to do other things whether that be intimate or not um you know you seek some kind of solace within me or is it true that because you haven't said anything or you have said i don't want anything further which one is which one is the truth your actions or what you're saying or not saying or not saying so if you're not saying here's i think about your two ways it's either i know i wanted i want to be in a long-term relationship i'm trying to decide if it's you or i'm lying to you are you willing to accept that i haven't decided that it's you that's the that's the that's that long-term answer that's where i'm coming from i still don't know the answer to your question though so i'm not dodging it but i'm also seeing it from the other i'm trying to stay from a different perspective of what is are you accepting this thing because you think you can change me and so you never let me go or you're accepting my lie what is that i don't know but that's the that's the last one way it's not me i can tell you straight up if i want to be in a long-term relationship so just to be clear i i don't think i have a problem with that and i do present presently want to be in a long-term relationship i want to be in a relationship but okay okay i probably shouldn't have said that i said wrong with it i want to be in a relationship i do but i also want to choose someone and i want to make sure that person makes sense for that goal what kind of daughter do you plan to raise hey jesus you know it's not the relationship of the man and the woman that is actually the hardest part of this conversation is the relationship of the woman and his definition of a woman in the daughter that is the hardest conversation because you and the woman are two different human beings and you can always negotiate the shit out the daughter on the other hand is a little special anyway so i asked that question what daughter do i want do i want to raise yes what daughter do you plan to raise what kind of daughter if you're asking the black man though said i want to raise a strong independent black woman and then when she becomes a strong independent black woman we say nah niggas yeah niggas is doing too much the irony of life i do want to raise i don't want to raise an independent black woman i want to raise a woman who chooses the right person to be dependent on we're dependent social human beings we're dependent human beings men need and men need to depend on women and women to depend on men i am not raising my daughter to be an independent black woman i mean i'm raising my daughter to be conscious to understand the power of her blackness and the role it plays for her specifically for her family in the future and her community so that's my answer to that i'm not i'm i don't advocate for independent beings we're not independent we're created and we're here to be dependent but what roles are you playing what do you do best and not do best how do you want that to make sense for the future and secondly you know the dynamic of families in the future is also going to be different from what we're even talking about now so that's even no conversation that is crazy to even talk about right now but yeah