 Good morning, everyone. Welcome to 315 BC 315 life skills to the course of life skills. So today we're going to study on the conflict resolution. Even before we could get into the time of discussion, I request one of us to please lead us at our time of prayer. Can I request Sister Ruba? Can you please lead us at our time of prayer? Good morning. How are you feeling today? Actually, I'm good. Last week, actually, I had, for me and my husband, Paul, we both were affected with red eye conjunctivitis. And yeah, we were both recovered now by God's grace. Thank you. Thank you so much, each of you all for praying. Thank you. Father God, we come to your throne of grace this morning with thanksgiving and praise. Father God, thank you for being with Pastor Paul and Nancy and granting them your healing and granting them your recovery and restoration in the name of Jesus. Thank you for this new morning in our lives as we come together as a class Lord to thy throne of grace, Master. Bless us. You're the God who blesses with, blesses us with the skills we need. Lord God, as we are learning grant us a heart of understanding and perceiving and inculcating those skills to enhance the kingdom of heaven. Lord God, bless us. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. Amen. Thank you. Thank you so much. So let me share the presentation. It's just a song, a simple presentation that I just put it up. Don't keep a class interactive. Speak. Let me share that. Okay, so we're going to talk on conflict resolution. Here we go. Okay. What is conflict resolution? So what is conflict resolution? Anyone from the class can share what is conflict resolution? So conflict resolution is nothing but it's a process in which two or more parties or two members, two or more members are involved in where they work towards a solution to get a problem or a dispute to be solved. So we see that these two members or a group of members in what to work together to achieve a solution that solves the problem in a way that is protective. So according to our notes, we have it. We also have something called interpersonal conflict. So in interpersonal conflict, it has been broadly defined as conflict between two or more people. And according to Chamber's English Dictionary, it defines as conflict as a violent collusion, a struggle or a contest, a battle or a mental struggle. So interpersonal conflict may start with a simple disagreement which can lead to a conflict. So those who are involved in this must try to escalate, you know, beyond the disagreement. See how they can discuss and bring a solution. So it may be at a workplace or it may be at a ministry. It can be in any situation given. So interpersonal conflict is generally defined as what happens when one person or a group of people prevents or attempts to prevent another person or group from achieving their goals. So, you know, what there are types of interpersonal conflict. According to our notes, there are three main types of conflict. One is the personal or the relational conflict which I usually identified based on the self image of the important aspects of a relationship such as loyalty, breach of confidence or perceived betrayal or lack of respect. The second one talks about the instrumental conflicts or about goals and structures, procedures. And the third talks about the conflicts of interest concerning the ways in which the means of achieving the goals are disrupted. So as we are discussing all this, what is the main reason that we have added this conflict resolution as one of the chapter in our life scale? Because it is one of the scale that is needed for each of us to develop. Let it be in a ministry or a workplace or business, whichever area we are in, this is one of the skill that we need to develop. So, let us look at some of the, you know, conflict management skill that we can develop. So, here we see it can be approached using different styles. So, what are the styles? The styles may differ. The methods that we may utilize to manage some scales. So, how to manage successfully the conflicts? So, we need to, you know, try with each other when certain conflicts happen, you try each skill with them. So, as you try, you will learn to exercise that scale. So, there are some scales that we can try, apply it in different conflict situations. And actually some of the scholars say they are most important scale or they call it as the core scales that is needed in conflict resolution. So, what is it? The very first one is active listening. What is it? Active listening. So, they call it this as one of the core scale where in active listening, we get to focus on, you know, on being attentive to what the other person has to say. So, the skill here is commonly used as sales people to better connect with the customers during, you know, the page to make a sale, something like that. So, we need to attend. We need to be focused on what each other are trying to share. So, we need to actively listen to both parties or get the members view of the point what they're trying to say. The second is emotional intelligence. Your emotional intelligence is described as the ability to perceive and understand other people's emotion. So, this skill is essential when we are managing the conflict because it prevents the situation from escalating. So, if we can effectively interpret, you know, the opposition's emotion, if you're able to interpret each other's emotion, you know, so that the communication can become easier even without provoking the other person or which may trigger, you know, into a conflict. But if we can understand through the emotion and trying to handle it by being understanding. So, then by that, we can actually avoid from getting into an intense conflict between two people or it can also be between us and the other person or between two other people. So, with that, we will move on to the third point which is one of the core skill in conflict management is patience. Patience is one of the core skills. So, here we see conflicts are rarely simple to overcome because it's very complicated. It's so difficult because people don't like to be wrong, don't like to be accepted that they are wrong. So, we need to have patience. It's important to keep our mind that the problem may not be solved right away, but then the solution will come eventually. So, we need to get time and we need to analyze, we need to see how we can solve the problem. It can be personally within the path, within, like it may be us involved in that conflict or maybe we will do people and see what solution can be given. How we can handle the situation differently. If we are part of any kind of conflict or misunderstanding, what we could do is sit back, think in patience. How we can handle the situation better, even if we are right. Still, because the scripture says as much as possible, even peace with each other. To maintain that peace, what is that we can do? It is okay sometimes even to say sorry to come the opposite person. So, it's by we saying sorry, it's not that we have done the mistake or it's not that by we saying sorry, you know, we are exalting the other person, but then as per the scripture, it says by we saying sorry, we are just bringing peace in the relationship, trying to have an understanding, trying not to give heed to this conflict that is happening or misunderstanding that is happening, instead of being the relationship broken and having the enemy have its way in it. But we are just trying to say sorry, forgive and you know, trying to see what you can do to solve the conflict. And even if there's a clear answer, rushing to a solution can make people feel that we are left out in decision making process. So, it's always good for us to take time, you know, be patient and also give the other person the time to think, act or react on the decision that has been made. The fourth point that we would like to look into in the course case, impartiality, impartiality, which is very important. Because this is another reason why the conflict can be difficult to resolve because they don't always stay focused on the conflict itself. Because a conflict can sometimes, you know, serve as an opportunity to previous grievance that may have led to this conflict between these two parties. So, now we need to handle it in such a way by active listening, hearing both the parties and trying to give your point. It is not the solution that we try to give, but then we just try it as a suggestion, as a point to make. We can fairly share that with the members. And the fifth is positive. It's a very important thing to be positive or even at that situation, even where there's a lot of disagreement or conflict or anger in the head, even during that situation, you can see what was a positive thing that we could speak about. What can be the positive thing that may calm everyone about? Even if you do angry or hearted compromise doesn't sometimes help each other. But then you try your best to give some solution, to give a fair point to the team, to each other and so that they may think they can ponder. Because if somebody is in the mode of anger, I'm not too sure how much they can think from the other person point of view. So, it's always good for us to being positively giving some kind of suggestion or some kind of point to both the people so that the conflict may not increase, but try to resolve within each other, with each other, with a positive attitude. Because being positive attitude is much required and much helpful, especially during this time. The sixth point, which is the last one, would like to discuss one of the core scales is being open in communication. Most of the conflicts actually rises because there is miscommunication or there is no transparency between the people, between the team. So, the relationship between the people, between the team, between the ministry leaders and the ministry are involved in having a good communication. If they are transparent, the understanding becomes much better. But if there's no transparency in the communication, that's when misunderstanding or conflicts tries to creep in into the environment and the ministry or the workplace which becomes very unhealthy. So, it's always good for us to have open communication. Okay, we have finished this. Okay, the next we would like to discuss on the conflict resolution scales. There are about 14 resolution scales listed here. Let's discuss as a class, let's share our views on these 14 scales so that I'm sure each of us during our lifetime, I'm sure we would have come across a different type of conflicts. It can be at home, between our parents, between our siblings, between our friends, lecturers, ministry leaders in any aspect. Okay, so how we have handled it better or what we could have done better. Okay, let's discuss. The first point says, use yes and statements. Why do you think it is important for us to use yes and the statements? Class, anyone? So, you can share your suggestion, your views on this. Why do you think we need to see a statement yes and use a statement that can resolve a conflict? It can be no, it can be yes. Why do you think it's not giving a single yes or no in time of a conflict? It's good for us to give a statement which may come across a kind of solution between the team. Why do you think it is important for us to give a statement than responding just by saying yes and no? No, I'm sorry, it's our opinion. What you're saying is wrong. I believe that. Thank you. Okay, anyone else? Okay, because of time, I just share some of, it's just a suggestion. Okay, anyone can just, you know, unmute or, okay, there's some people chat. Let me see. You can raise your hand and unmute and share your views. Okay, when you give a statement, we say that, you know, we understand the point of view and we also pay attention to them. Asha says that and Siddharth says to show that we are the other person. Okay. Okay, anyone else in the class? I'm going to say sing as yes empowers team. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. So in time of conflict, you know, rather than be getting very defensive about that attack of an argument, it takes an opportunity for us to see things from different point of view. When does that conflict? We need, we don't have to agree with the person, but by saying yes or no, but then we need to explain why you're saying, why are you going to say yes or why are you about to say no. We have to explain so that the other person can understand that what is the point that you're trying to make. So it's always good for us not to see a single statement saying yes, you're right, no, you're wrong. Instead of that, let's make a statement. Maybe we could have looked into this perspective that could have helped us to do our work better. Instead of saying, no, you're wrong or yes, you're right, we could just make a statement. So by making a statement, you're actually conveying your message, you're wrong, yes, you're right or no, you're wrong, whatever. So instead, we need to change. I hear you, but and use a statement to explain it. At the same time, you can say, yes, I understand and try to explain. So these statements helps the other person to listen, to give a heed to your point that you're making and also understands why are you saying what you're saying. It's always good in conflict, not just to say yes or no, but then use statements that can bring in more clarity, much understanding to the team or to the person. Now, let's move on to the second point. Okay, you're not able to see the slide. Sorry, I thought you can do work and see. This is the slide. So the second point we're discussing is don't point fingers. Why do you think that we shouldn't point fingers? Pointing fingers can be adding fewer to the fire rather than resolving, it will escalate. Yes, thanks Abhi. That's right, exactly. You know, it sounds very offensive. It shows disrespectful when we point fingers. So we don't have to blame each other. Instead, we need to see what is the best way to solve a conflict. By allowing each person to share their point of view, share why they are not able to agree or disagree. So after all that, we would like to appreciate for being open for sharing their point of view and see what best can be done. The third point, let's move on to the third point. Let the person explain themselves and actively listen. Why do you think this is important in conflict resolution skills? Why do you think this is important to allow the person to explain themselves and we should actively listen? We want to say something. Yes. Okay, why I believe that we should pay attention to actively listen to the person so that we don't misunderstand them. Exactly. So that we don't misunderstand them. We don't misinterpret what they're trying to say. It's very important for us to allow the person to explain. So when we explain, we get the solution. Sometimes when we try to explain, we understand them much better. We get the solution for the problem from them themselves. So we should always take time to listen, think, and then laugh. Okay. But then we will move on to the fourth point. Okay. I think in my slide, it's actually use I statement. It's not the slash. It is I. I'm not too sure why it has appeared that way. I can connect it. Yeah, it's connected now. So you use I statements. Why do you think we should use an I statement? So that there's no room for blaming. Correct. Correct. So, you know, similar to what was discussed earlier, like pointing out fingers, a series of statement that could begin with you can come across in the conflict. You did this, you did that, you know, blaming the other person. So it's always good in conflict. It shouldn't be about what the other person is doing wrong. It's all about what we believe, what we are going to do right and how to get the other person, the other side person to understand. So by using I statements such as I feel like I'm not getting a chance to explain myself rather than be telling you are not listening to me that can offend the other person. It can only increase. You know, it can lead to series of argument when we keep leaving the other person instead of saying that we can use I statement to ourselves saying that please hear me or love sometimes that I would like to explain myself. Sometimes it's also good to yeah, I think somebody has raised their hand here has someone raised their hand. No. Okay, you can please unmute and speak because I'm not okay. Kennedy has raised her hand. Kennedy, please go ahead. I think using I makes one bear the responsibility. By using I makes one to bear the responsibility. One to bear the responsibility. Okay, that's right. Anyone else would like to add to it. Okay, so no one can. So by using I are trying to explain ourselves. Sometimes it's good because you know what can disagree with your feeling with your feelings with your belief or with what was standing back. So please they can make a more respectful debate that reminds all the parties who are involved in it that conjectively complex humans are involved. So it's always good to explain it from your point of view. Okay, let's move on to the next fifth point. Maintain a calm tone. So do you think and conflict with you should the tone plays a vital role. Cool stuff. Cool stuff. Because don't play when don't sit down. Okay. Anyone else calm tone can increase these receptivity of the person who. Yeah. Please go ahead. It's good. Ma'am, I'm saying calm tone can increase the other person's receptivity of understanding and, you know, our motive or our statement, whatever the thought of thoughts of the heart is. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it is very good for us to, you know, maintain a counter so that you know even the other person can hear us. And it's very important. I would like to add to it. Okay. I want to say that having a calm tone can help you a lot on for same circumstances. Yes. Ma'am, sometimes calm tone also irritates the other person that you're not calm every time when the other person is so irritated that also sometimes triggers the other person. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why in conflict resolution, it's always okay. Maybe you're directly looking at each other or at the same place or your overall form, but the bottom language and other things add to it. What is the other person expected? Sometimes, you know, we may have to wait until the other person's emotion is being left so that we can actually eventually plan and explain ourselves out. Okay. By not trying to increase it, but times, you know, most of the time in conflict, you know, the tone actually differs. It is not actually, we don't try to maintain the calm tone when you disagree with the person. When you feel the person is just not understanding or during the time of conflict itself, people can say that there's something wrong between these two people. The low, the body language tone actually clearly states that there's something wrong. Okay. I read it somewhere, like, you know, why during the time of conflict, people don't talk and calm tone. While though they are very close, close by, they can actually easily hear each other. But why do they raise their voice, shout, yell, cry? They just bring up different emotions at the time of conflict. Why do you think it happened? Why do you think all these emotions happened? Yeah. Go ahead. We also see there's a script in Proverbs 15. One, a soft answer turns away, but a harsh word stirs up and through. And so what happens? Why during the time of conflict, two people raise the voice. Ma'am, probably they are trying to be heard. They're trying to be heard. They feel they're not being understood or heard. So the raising of voice, maybe the thought process is that please listen to me. Yes. Yes. Thanks. Yes. Please go ahead and say. Yes. Just to add to what has been said, there's a mixture of lots of emotions raging within. And so most times people yell because of the emotions boiling within. And it would have been better to actually pull back and then get back to talk to each other when their emotions have come. So in the face of their emotions being heightened, people tend to express their raging emotions in the tone of their voices. Yes. Thanks. Thanks. Agreed. Agreed. I appreciate what you say. It is actually much important because it is a conflict. During the conflict, the voice actually raises to short the emotions or I want to be heard. That's true. But a mature person, that's why we need to develop the skill. This skill needs to be developed. Somebody who actually masters or who is trying to master the skill tries to intentionally do this intentionally, maintain that calmness and ready to discuss with the other person. Even though the other person is not ready to discuss or whatever they are reading. Doesn't matter what the other person's reaction is. But knowing the importance of staying calm during the time of conflict is something that we need to develop. We need to get this skill developed. So with that, we will move on to the next point. Show a willingness to compromise or collaborate. Show a willingness to compromise or collaborate. Anyone from the class? Yes. Okay. I want to say something. Shay, you can go ahead. No, go ahead. Go ahead, Shay. Go ahead. You know, one thing I'm collaborating or compromising. For me, I'm looking at it in different ways. It all depends on what we're collaborating on or what we are compromising on. So if I say that what I'm compromising or what I'm collaborating on is going to be, it's going to be a benefit for all or it's going to be a positive move for all because I don't need to compromise when I know that what the other person is doing is right. So I can collaborate when I know that the other person is on the right track or what I say, what he or she is saying is something that will bring development, is something that will bring a positive change. All I just need to do is to collaborate. But compromising, I can't really say what I'm compromising on because compromising, it's not like, you know, putting my repetition on the line. So I don't know, I just wanted to chip in this. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Just to add from a different perspective, I think when we talk about the willingness to compromise and collaborate, first of all, when two people or more people are in conflict, most of the time it's actually for us to make our stance known and accepted. But as we're learning today for us to resolve a conflict, sometimes there is need for us to compromise, not in a negative way. And there's also need for us to collaborate. Now, this can be seen contextually. For instance, in a marriage, there are times that a couple has to, you know what, compromise. And there are times that they need to collaborate to do something to achieve for the betterhood of the family. In a corporate setting or in a church, there are also times that not necessarily again, like I said, you're compromising or for a negative thing. But basically, you're just going to pull back on your own stance just so that at the end of the day, everyone is kind of carried along and heard. And there are times that you all need to come together. Basically, you put away your own, your own ideology and look at the betterhood again for the larger good, you know, and all that. So I think it just depends on what context, what the situation is. But there has to be always that willingness is very important because there's always this likelihood during conflicts that everyone wants his or her own opinion heard and done. But I think there has to be a willingness for either compromise for a positive reason or collaborate depending on the situation. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Sayi, for sharing your point. Yeah, Kennedy, you can go ahead. Let's hear him first. Thank you very much. I just wanted to get some directions. What you are discussing? Are you in conflict with the audience as a mediator or as an aggrieved person? Can you not hear? Can you be a little loud? I just want some directions. What you are discussing is it for an aggrieved person? For example, me as an aggrieved person or me as a mediator? Am I acting as a mediator or as an aggrieved person? I am playing all these things. Okay, should we need to compromise or collaborate as a mediator or as a... Aggrieved person. I am the person who needs to be wrong. Or the person who is wrong. Okay, so it can be any situation. It can be the person actually involved in it or it can be a mediator. So what you would like to share? It can be any person. So would you like to share from the person who is a mediator as part of you? Or you would like to share from the person who is actually involved in it? I don't know how to apply some of these things. Okay. You can share your point even if it's a mediator. You can share how should be handled or why is it important for the willingness to compromise and collaborate. Should a mediator give the suggestion to compromise and collaborate with each other? But can we see how this has been placed? Would you like to add? Can I share a practical example? Sure, sure. Go ahead. Okay. My wife and the family, my wife's family, they do have this get-together. You know, they have this yearly get-together where they all come together and share things. So when they gathered, you know, I can tell you that there was a serious conflict. And in that conflict, I was so involved in that conflict because it's more like the parents wanted me to stick to some rules and regulations that was not really going down well with me. So in the sense that, okay, it's more like they want to predict for me what happens in my marriage or whatever it is. And my wife, you know, was in a kind of, you know, asking me to like, you know, follow their instruction and the rest of them. And this thing can be very, very risky in the sense that whatever decision I take at that moment will determine what my marriage will look like. And we're talking about compromising and collaborating, right? Yes. Now, it is possible for me to collaborate and compromise so that there will be peace. But at the detriment of the peace of my marriage. So in this case, I had to tell them, I said, okay, I understand every point of view, but I cannot accept this proposal because the only thing I true to them is that if I was the one telling you what happens in your marriage, then you can tell me what happens in my marriage. But as it stands, I cannot accept that I take instructions, you know, from you on what happens in my marriage. So one thing I'm, the point I'm trying to make is that when it comes to compromising, maybe the one question I want to ask is what are we compromising on? Or what are we collaborating on? Because our collaboration can either bring more harm to the situation or it could make, you know, the person feel good, you know, for a particular time while we are destroying things. That's one thing I'm looking at. So I just wanted to bring in this practical view so that we can also see the different angle of what in the collaborating and compromising can look like in a conflict or in a situation. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Harrison, for sharing and illustrating a practical conflict that you're handled. Thank you. So one of the way compromise can also be about, you know, most of our interruptions ourselves involved in that. So in most of the conflicts, we see that it's essential to come to some sort of agreement between both parties. Sometimes when we, ourselves, may be involved in the conflict, it's always for us to simply need to let go of a pride, let go of that ego or the grit over the argument, and show the opposite party that you care about the situation. So it's always good, like the previous point when we said, when we shared point three, when we said, when we let the other person explain their point of view, we should be a person the same time we understand it. We should not, you know, hold on to a pride, just let go of a pride, and be understanding and let the other person know, yes, I still care, but I don't care. So maybe for coming to come to a solution, we can say, and goodness or wellness of the team and the ministry. So let's go ahead with what you said. Let's try it out. So there's peace, there's oneness, there's, you know, there's actually a strive to be in unity. We're trying to come on the common library ground so that we can work together to achieve something, to achieve the goal that has been set. We can do that. Okay, with that, let's move on to the seventh point. Don't talk behind people's back. Do you think that's very important scale? Yes, please go ahead. Do you think we see that or when it's a good time to share the details of a conflict with others, why should we not talk about it? Talk behind the person's back. Yes, Mr. Christopher, please go ahead. So yes, so this is actually, in a way, a spreading gossip. And, you know, we don't have the person who we are talking about is not in, you know, not there to, you know, either defend himself or explain the situation. So this is, this is in a way it is gossip. And it can, you know, it can spoil people's reputation. And, you know, can make things, you know, worse for the person. Even if there's some valid points that are being discussed, that is one danger. And the other part is also that, you know, when we talk about, again, someone behind their back, sometimes that those discussions can get magnified. It can be changed. You know, people can make assumptions. And then, you know, it really spreads, you know, a completely different line of discussion, which again is not good. So yeah, so those are the points I want to raise. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Okay. So one of the reasons in conflict resolution that we should always build is we need to build it on the ground of honesty with one another, so that the trust is, the trust is not lost. And the problem remains quite a bit. So while we may feel that we have this urge to share, so that we feel better, urge to vent out, so that we may feel better. If you're into that situation or emotional drive, what we could do is one of the suggestions is to write out a journal, write a journal, share your view, share your point, share what's happening, just write your feelings out of the journal. So that's one of the ways you can vent out that urge. Or if you feel, you know, good when you share it with a person directly. So in that way, make sure that you do not share with the person who's working in the same minister, or who's working in the long term, or the person who knows this person. Okay, share with somebody outside who has no ties to that person, who has no knowledge of this person, so that this person's name remains anonymous. So this way we can protect the privacy of the conversation, just that for you to emotionally be out. So it's very important for us to not to talk behind people's back. Yeah, we see Asha as commented because we don't want someone to talk behind a back, and that may hurt the person. True, we have a bit of an assay that makes it feel more insecure, but trade yes, that may go on for a long time. So to avoid all this, it's always good not to share with the person. I think that that begin at the end of the session, the word of prayer, and we will continue from point A to onwards in our next class. So, can I make a question of this to please pray at the end of the session? So that... Open. Okay, please, yes, go ahead. Thank you so much. I really thought we thank you. And we bless your name. We give you the glory. We give you the honor. Thank you for the message for today. Thank you for the words we've heard. Father, we know that we can still be victims of what we've been taught. And I pray to the Lord that you will help us to go to overcome every conflict and every challenges that come before us. I pray, Lord, that you will give us the ability and the courage to go to be peacemakers and not trouble makers. I pray, Lord, that even as we've heard this word today, that we will take it to heart and bring glory to your name, even when we find ourselves in conflicts and challenges. Blessed be your Holy Name. We thank you all for your servant whom you've used to speak to us today. We pray for more wisdom. We pray for more knowledge and understanding to do your work. I thank you for my fellow students that you will help us to achieve and to become that which you have made us to be. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you. God bless you. God bless you. God bless you in the next class. Thank you. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.