 The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Si Howard, directed by Mack Benoff and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum are glad to bring you Life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spearmint whether you're working, shopping, listening to your radio, or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spearmint gum tastes good, it's refreshing, and the good easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. So chew Wrigley's Spearmint gum often, every day. Millions enjoy it, and you will too. Now, Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama-basco in Italy. Dear mama-mommy! It's now summertime in Chicago, and everybody's feeling very, very hot there. Last week, I'm reading a paper in a weather column and it's a max temperature, 102. Next of day was a max temperature, 103. After that, there's a max of 104. But yesterday, I see that a max of the temperatures is at 98, they must have given a max of penicillin. Well, anyway, now he's back to normal. But one thing they got in America, mama-mommy, to keep it cool, is called air conditioning. I'm explaining you what's this air conditioning. In the wintertime, you've got a good chance to catch pneumonia. But in case you're missing in the winter, then there's air conditioner, which is to give you a chance to catch it in the summertime. But the strangest thing about America is that there's summer vacation. City people, they run to the country. Country people, they run to the city. Seashore people, they run to the mountains. Mountain people, they run to the seashore. Mama-mommy, it seems like nobody's to take a vacation, they're just to change into places. Hell is a hot, hot night, and it would be nice now to take a walk in a park. But it's a time for my night school to class, and I'm rather be there than any other place. America, I love you. You're like a papa to me, from the ocean to ocean. All right, class, class, it's a hot night, so let's pay attention, I'll call the roll. Mr. Basco. Present. Mr. Harowitz. Present. Mr. Olson. Mr. Schultz. PUSH-PIRE-ING. Mr. Schultz, you are present, you are not perspiring. No, then somebody must have hit me in the face with a wet fish. Thank you, fellow boobers. Tonight I'm hotter than a bald head in the bleachers. Please, Mr. Schultz, it's hot enough. Why must you remind us? Miss Spaulding. Yes, Mr. Harowitz? If you would be so kind as to listen to a suggestion of mine, I would like to make it. Yes. One of these hot days, why can't we hold our class on the beach? Harowitz, that's a wonderful idea. I haven't ever been to the beach before, and I'm a like to go. Well, it's a cool suggestion, but what could we possibly study on the beach? Why could you possibly study on the beach? And not on me. Mr. Schultz, please. Oh, no, but Miss Spaulding, we could have studied history, we could have studied spelling, and we could have studied anything. You study what you want, I study what I want. Miss Spaulding, I think I gave birth to a good idea. Not only could we start the lessons, but we could bring along sandwiches and we'll make a beach party. That sounds very good. Yeah, please, Miss Spaulding, let's go, huh? Miss Spaulding, if I may be permitted a few words. I don't like the idea. I don't think we should have a class on the beach. Oh, stop, Olsen, you can come along too. On a hot day, there's nothing like having a long, a wet blanket. Besides, I do my homework in the daytime, and my schoolwork to me is more important than wasting an afternoon on a hot, crowded beach. In other words. In other words, you got bandy legs and you are ashamed to be seen in a bathing zone. That's not true, Schultz, I haven't got bandy legs. No, Olsen, when you cross your legs, your knees are still 11 inches apart. And you wait a minute, Schultz. Oh, Olsen, I'm talking about you being bandy-legged. You should see me in the bathing suit. I look like a wishbone-wishkin. Oh, come on, Olsen, what do you say? You coming too, huh? Oh, yeah, by you and me, I think I come. Oh, and I would like to bring Mrs. Olsen too. A wonderful idea. My wife, Esther, would love to come along too. All right, and I'll bring my wife too. Yeah, but wait a minute, the class, I'm a nogata wife, so what am I gonna do? Out of luck, I guess, sir. Out of luck, yeah. Luigi, for being so ignorant, you deserve to be married. Well, you've got to get a girl for Luigi. That's right, Olsen, how? Yeah, no, wait a minute, Luigi, tell me this. Can you wits like this? I don't know, I don't know, but I'm not gonna try. Don't worry, he'll get a girl. Luigi, when you see a beautiful girl on the beach, you walk over and ask her what time it is. Oh, but it's sure, sir, I'm always a carry-watching in my pocket. Can you ask her what day it is? What month it is, what year it is? Yeah, but it's sure, sir, I'm always a carry-little pocket calendar too. Then you walk over to her and ask her for a light. But it should, sir, I'm always a carry-match is in a pocket, sir. You know something, Luigi, you must be wearing the bulkiest bathing suit in Chicago. Wait, wait, wait, wait, Luigi, I got a girl for you. Shirley Smith, or you should see a doll, a picture for a girl. Yeah, but how do you think this girl is gonna go with me? Why not, Luigi, a fellow like you I'll always recommend to a girl. Thank you, Harowitz. Well, everything is all settled, except mishpolding. What about you? Are you coming with us tomorrow? You haven't said a word. Well, I don't know, I... Oh, come on, mishpolding. After all, a beautiful girl like you. Well, I'd like to come, but... I don't know what you're gonna look like with a bathing suit. Well... You should have more respect. Your old son don't interrupt when Mr. Schultz is speaking. Gee, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Oh, my school, hello, my school. I'm... I'm so happy. Tomorrow I'm going to the beach, and I'm going into the water for the first time. Hey, Luigi, that's wonderful. Rosa, she's crazy about the beach. I had to wait till you see her in her new bathing suit. Is there so much at the pinch, you're gonna go crazy with a power. Believe me, Luigi, she's a sight... That I can't believe. You wanna please the first guy? He'll excuse me because I'm gonna go buy myself a bathing suit. You see, I'm going out with a girl. Nice and nice a girl. Her name is Shirley Smith. Look, Luigi, I'm trying very hard at the control of myself. If you need a girl to take to the beach, why, you know, ask her my Rosa first. Well, Pascuali, the whole... The whole thing is happening so fast, that before I knew anything... That's the trouble with you. All the time you're running around like a crazy man on a tax-giver looking for a two pound of chicken. When all the time in my house you can find a nice plump turkey. You're so right, Pascuali. Rossi is a real turkey. That's a funny thing. When I say it, it's a come-out-of-difference. Look, Luigi, tell me something, will you? What's this that Shirley Smith's got, eh? Hello, Pascuali. Hello, which is to say that she's a beautiful... Ah, but only beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. That's what he said. All right, all right. What if a girl is a beautiful and she's got a nice shape with pretty hair and all that? That's another thing. My Rossi has got something none of these girls has got. Do you know what that is? 250 pounds, yes. No, I mean a character. And don't make so much fun about her weight. I want to tell you something. When you marry a girl, you should take all you can get for those lean years. You know, Luigi, how they always are talking about bad times. When it comes to depression, my Rossi is going to go ten years without eating. I feel like he's a busker. Isn't that what you're talking about? Horowitz has already made the date for me. So if you're excusing me, I'm going out now to buy me a nice bath in a suit. All right, then go, go. You're so anxious to show off to a girl with a fancy bath in a suit. Go on, I don't care. I got a good notion. Bath in a suit. Sit down, a little pumpkin ahead. Sit down and what for? Sit down, I'm going to talk to you. Look, no matter what's happened with you and Rossi, you and me, we're still friends, Luigi. You know that. I love you, little cabbage pussy. You know that. I always want to help you. Oh, thank you, Busker. That's nice. And I'm elected to hear you say that. Sure, Luigi. I'm going to help you like a mama tiger to help a little baby deer. That's nice. Luigi, when you go out with a girl, here's my advice. You don't want to spend your last money on a bath in a suit. You want to spend the money on a girl. Well, sure. That's right, Busker. But I'm going to get a bath in a suit. That's where I come in. I'm going to give you one of mine. Thank you, Busker. Busker, you're so good at it to me. It's nothing. But wait, wait, wait to you. Hey, you were a size of 54. Look, Luigi, this is a French style of bath in a suit. You've got to figure with a foreign exchange. Oh. You see, three francs is the worth of one American dollar. Take a 54, slice it by three, is a come out 18. But, Busker, my size is a 38. Let me finish. When you trade from a French to American, they always give you a bonus. So you take 18, you add a 20, you've got a 38. 38? Oh, that's a just my size. Oh, you lucky puppy. Oh, Luigi, are you going to look a good in this bath in a suit? It's not the ordinary type. This one's got a stripes. Stripes? Only on the shirt. Shirt? The latest model, only half a sleeve. Half a sleeve. And you should see the trunk, Luigi. It's got the new look. New look? That's all right. It comes down below the knees. But, first of all, Luigi, in the back, it's got a little holes, especially if across the veneration. That's called the peek-a-boo type. That's the sound of a very, very modern, modern. Modern. Luigi, you know how summer suits is a show of a picture of a girl diving and it's a, say, champion on it? Yes, I see that. Well, on this suit is a picture of a man smoking a cigar and it's a say, voter for President McKinley. It's a sound of wonderful. Sure, Luigi, when you walk on the beach with this girl, Shirley, nobody's going to look on her. All eyes is going to be on you. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's an easy way to get more enjoyment and satisfaction out of the things you do during the day. From time to time, chew a stick of refreshing, delicious, wriggly, spearmint gum. You see, chewing on a good piece of gum just naturally helps you feel better and enjoy what you're doing. Gives you a little lift and makes things go smoother and pleasanter for you. Wrigley spearmint gum tastes good, too. It has a lively, long-lasting, real spearmint flavor that freshens your taste, sweetens your breath, and leaves your mouth feeling cool and clean. Enjoy it often. At home, at work, wherever you are. Remember to get Wrigley's spearmint chewing gum. Healthful, refreshing, delicious. Now, let's turn to page two of Luigi Basco's letter to his mother in Italy. And so, mama mia, soon I'm going to meet all of my friends, and this girl is Shirley at the beach. I hope she's going to like me. A little while ago, Pasquale is bringing his, in his bed in his suit. Nice and neat, all packed up. It has a funny smell, so I'm asking Pasquale what it is. And his tell me it's a noop but a fume that's called Evening in the Mortables. Well, soon the mama mia is going to be my first time at the beach, and I'm going to meet this girl, Shirley. I'm going to hardly wait. Luigi, my fellow boomer. Hello, Schultz, are you all ready? Ready, am I ready? Well, look at me. For my delicatessen, I brought along enough sandwiches to kill an army. Schultz, hey, you mean to feed an army? Don't tell me about my sandwiches. Look, come on, Luigi. All right, Schultz, tell me what I should do to make good impression on this girl, Shirley. Now, Luigi, take a tip from me. Girls go crazy about fellas but make love to them. Oh, Schultz, what are you talking about? You make a lover to a girl on the first date? Sure. You sit down on the sand, hold her hand, you put your head on her shoulder, put her head on your shoulder, and all day long, you look like a couple of bookends. But Schultz, Schultz, what if we go in the water? You do the same thing on your whole feet. Oh, shit. Now you're just making it fun. No, Luigi, believe me. I know girls. In Italy, you serenade a girl under a balcony with a guitar. In France, you get a bottle of wine and you whisper sweet words in a cabaret. But in America, you take her to the beach, you buy her a humburger and a root beer, and you spend the rest of the day trying to get a return on your investment. Oh, Schultz, Schultz, you know something? You make me feel better already. I'm not going to be so nervous now. Well done. Good, Luigi. Come on, we got to go. Who are we going to have fun under a beach? Healthy exercise, walking, running, jumping, swimming. Oh, my homatism is killing. What a crowded beach. You're right, Schultz. You can't even breathe. What do you know? Down there by the pier, a hot dog fainted and was squeezed too tight in the road. Well, there's Olsen. We'll all be together as soon as Luigi comes out of the locker room. No, Olsen, where is your wife? Well, while walking along the beach, we got separated. Where is your wife, Olsen? She got lost in the crowd. Schultz, where is your wife? Well, we got separated too. It wasn't easy, was it, boy? Look what's coming. Just look at her. Ain't you glad we lost our wives? Hello, everybody. Mr. Olsen, Mr. Horowitz, Mr. Schultz. Don't just stand there with your mouths open. Say something. Mr. Schultz, that's the first time I ever heard you say present. And perspiring. Miss Paulding, in that bathing suit you look, you should pardon the expression, hoo-ha. Thank you, Miss Paulding. You look just beautiful. Himmer class will never be the same. Look, look, look, everybody. Here comes Luigi. What is he wearing? Looks like a tent from Army Zerblers. Hello, everybody. Look what my friend and Pascalee has done to me. He's giving me this abiding suit. Well, Luigi, it does look a little big. Big? You're going to have to swim with the right hand so that the left hand can hold up the pads. Sure. And just look at those holes in the back. Yeah, but Pascalee has told me not to sew them up. That's to let in the light. Let in the light. You've got enough room over the holes for Venetian blinds. Hello, please, please, please, please, please, friends. I'm going to feel terrible. If you don't mind, I think I'm going to go home. Please tell the girl she's here. You stay right here, Mr. Basko. I don't blame you for feeling terrible the way we're all talking. Now let's all help him. Good, good. But what, what, what are you going to do? Let's form a circle around him. Huh? Come on now. I have a sewing kit. Now the first thing we'll do we'll cut off the bottom of these trunks. Oh, yeah. And it's a pleasure to get rid of this old shirt. That's good. Now give me a safety pin, Miss Baldy, and I'll pin him back over here. I should be very good at this. I had three babies. Now we'll just tack it up over here. Here. There, Mr. Basko. Now doesn't that look much better? Yeah, it's much better. Everybody's a big drafter. Well, well, thank you, friends. That's really helping me out. And not a minute too soon. Here comes Shirley. Yoo-hoo, Shirley! Come on, everybody. Let's all go for a swim and leave those two alone. No, but wait, wait, wait. Do you think I'm looking right to Shirley in this, this pants thing? Oh, I wouldn't worry about her. She seemed like a very nice girl coming down here. Luigi, just be yourself. If girls was only interested in bed and trunks, millions of dummies in store vendors would be married tomorrow. Come on, everybody. Ooh! Look at that zoot that she is wearing. Hello, Luigi. Oh, hello. Hello. You're not very talkative. Oh, well, um, aren't you going to say anything about my new bathing suit? What suit? The one I'm wearing. Don't you like it? What is it? Oh, what are you staring at? It's a polka dot suit. Mama Mia won the dot. Hey, cutie. I noticed you coming out of the locker room. Do you have any trouble with any of the characters around here? Just holler for me. No, I'm having no trouble at all. Excuse me, Mr. Who are you? I'm the lifeguard here. A lot of the girls around here call me muscles. Oh. Hey, you, can you do a double somersault? Oh, me? No, no, but I'm going to wiggle in my ears like a rabbit. Ha! Now, watch this, cutie. Don't step on my sandwich. Hey, that's a simple one. Why don't you think of it, baby? Quite impressive. Ah, nothing at all. Two weeks with the barbells, and I'm ashamed to show such an easy stunt. Hey, Busty, you think you want to try that one? Nope. Oh, what can you do? Well, let me see. Now, I can... I can make it like a chicken. Why don't you lay that egg? I'm pretty fast. Now, Dimples. Now, watch this. I stand on my hands. I go into a one and a half flip-flop and I land on my toes. Watch. Don't step on my sandwich. Pretty good, huh? Only two guys on the beach can do that one. Me and Mr. Shoulder Muscle of 1949. He keeps falling on his heels plenty of times. Boy, I'll bet you must spend a lot of time practicing. Ah, three, four hours a day. Now for my specialty. In this one, I take a running broad jump, land on my hands, flip over into a headstand and... Don't step on my sandwich! Head, fry up. Now, come on with me, cutie, and I'll show you. Now, wait a minute, Shirley. Don't, don't go. Look, I'm going to try that semi-trick and I'll watch everybody. First time I've been to... Mohammed! Hey, look at that bathing suit come apart. What is that there? A safety pin? You better call a diaper service, kid. You do for a change. Wait a minute, Shirley. Mom and me, she's to go away with him. Hey! I've been looking all over the beach for you. Hey, what's happened to my bathing suit? Oh, Pascuali, what a suit you gave me. My friends and I tried to fix it up, but it's no use. Pascuali is my first day on the beach and is the worst day in my whole life. Ah, what are your friends and all about a style? Luigi serves you right for trying to step out of your class. You stay with your friend Pascuali, Mary Rosa, and then you never get embarrassed. Maybe you're right, Pascuali. Sure, I'm right. Well, Luigi, I've got to pep you up now. It's just so happy that I bring my little baby with me. I've got to call her over. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa, near my little clam shell. Say, hello to Luigi. Hello, Rosa. Well, Rosa, don't just stand there looking at Luigi. Say something nice. Luigi! I don't think there's enough sand on a beach. After my two little love abides, they're making jokes with each other. Now, Luigi, my plans are for you and Rosa. I am, Luigi. Oh, let's go in for a swim. Oh, Shirley, you come back. I thought you was the one away with that laughter. What? Go away with that corny character. Oh, I was just trying to get rid of him. Oh, come on, Luigi. Let's go in the water. Oh, Shirley, it's going to be wonderful. Ah, just a minute, lady. A man is a half a married man. And if anybody's to try to steal a hammer from my daughter, I'm going to put her my foot down. Wait a minute. Look out the postcale. Who threw this potato salad into my face? I told you not to step on my face! Hannah, so, mami, what I thought it was going to be worse today in my life turned out to be very nice. Oh, that, Shirley, is a wonderful girl. After that, I'm going to bring her home from the beach. We're standing at a hallway, having the best time of my life. For the two hours, I'm going to do nothing but a wiggle in my ears and make like a chicken. And then when I'm going to say goodnight to her, Shirley is going to lean over to me and say, ain't you forget something, Luigi? Well, I'm feeling in my pockets. I got in my watch, in my pocket of calendar, in my matches. So I'm going to say no. Then she's going to kiss me and go home. But then, before I'm going to bed, I'm suddenly realizing what a fool I was, mami. After all those years that Uncle Pietro has taught me, I'm going to forget to show Shirley how I can jump up like a kangaroo. I'm going to have a son, Luigi, basketball and a little immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that it's a good idea to have a few packages of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum in your home at all times. Give Wrigley's Spearmint to the children for a treat between meals. They love it, and it won't spoil their appetites. Enjoy Wrigley's Spearmint Gum often yourself. The good chewing will make the time pass more pleasantly for you. And pass Wrigley's Spearmint Gum around when you're entertaining your friends. It's a friendly gesture that people appreciate. So next time you go to the store, get a few packages of refreshing, delicious, Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum. It costs so little. Tastes so good. And it's a treat that just about everyone enjoys. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at the same time when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama Basko in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Sy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mac Benhoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mr. Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Connery as Schultz, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Balding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, Ken Peters as Olson with Lucille Alex, Ed Max and Gerald Moore. Music is under the direction of Lud Blusken, Charles Lyon speaking. This is the CBS Radio Network.