 Welcome to the 21 report. I'm Frank Pesci and I'm here with speaker Pat Steadman. Pat, how are you? I'm great Frank. Thanks Pat. You are known as the world's most controversial dating coach Is there any truth to that? I think so. Yeah, I think there is some truth to that cool So what is the nature of your work in regards to dating gun? Well, I have I've been doing this since 2015 and I think my works evolved quite a bit over the time period My big focus in this field is to get guys with women in a more serious dynamic The women that they want right and to help them to understand female nature, but I'm also Very much like it's like a it's not just a clinical thing for me It's very much like I want to understand why there's so many different opinions About what men and women are attracted to and so I came into the red pill space because there was a lot of Manisphere, etc. Because there's a lot of really interesting insights there, but I've also taken sort of more mainstream relationship advice and stuff from spirituality communities and I've tried to Bring all this stuff together and try to understand well Why why does this stuff work for some people and in what context does it work? And why does this other stuff work and these contacts so it's it's I'm creating a unified theory of attraction Interesting. Have you written any books or done any I got one. I got one of the pipeline excellent Yeah, fantastic. When does that expect to be released? Probably spring next year. Okay. Very good. Very good Well Pat you're a returning speaker to the 21 Summit right so you have an opportunity to interface with your fans. What's that like? It's great I mean I was here two years ago, and it's really amazing to see how many guys Come back. So you see new faces, but then there's also this this sort of old guard. That's a really loyal and dedicated and you know we had conversations two years ago three years ago in some cases and It's just really interesting to see where these guys have gone and how they their life has improved since the prior summit And they just keep coming back to get that next level So you see a lot of familiar faces. You also see a lot of new faces Is it important for men to come to events like these a hundred percent? I mean look you can get the content if you go to 21 University and you know that's that's great, and I encourage guys to do that who couldn't make it in person but Really the reason you come to these events is so that you can interface with speakers But most importantly for other attendees right like what I see here is I see all these attendees there They're getting lunch together. They're chatting there. They're sharing their stories. They're connecting a lot of the guys here Became friends from prior conferences And so now they come together to this to sort of you know check in on each other And it's it's like it builds lifelong friendships and like a brotherhood It is nice to see people that you've seen in prior conferences and just to check in with them Hey, what are you up to? What have you been doing? How's your year been and it's almost like you didn't miss a beat in some cases Yeah, and of course within the framework of this space a lot of people are on social media or they're also content creators So there's a connection that exists, you know post event where people you know can continue to fellowship as it were Well with that, how do you think the event is going so far? I think it's been great I mean, it's really the I think the lineup every year gets more and more tight and what I mean by that is There's the quality of the speakers and the quality of the message is improving year after year And I think that that's creating a more of a close-knit community around it So I I I like the direction that Anthony's been taking it Fantastic, and of course you had the opportunity to deliver a speech. What did you talk about? I had three speeches. Oh three Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm in this room all day. So I'm missing some of that the the first speech was just for for 21 studios I did that on month Friday and in that speech I talked a lot about consciousness and consciousness is It's this it's basically like how individuals perceive reality So I look at consciousness as this very big filtering mechanism to understand the world So to what I was talking about earlier Why do these different communities all see things that work? But then they're totally maybe contradictory to each other and one of the things that I've observed is that Certain game tactics will work to women with women at certain levels of consciousness So people who are more low consciousness who are interested in power dynamics You're gonna want to apply maybe some more red pill principles to that But if higher consciousness relationships while you have to still have awareness What I would call this sort of red pill dynamics. It's like the the the substrate, right? It's like the beast nature of us. You have to understand it because it does emerge and come up, but Trying to do the exact same tactics For like a higher consciousness relationship You're not going to get there and many women who are maybe more anchored in this higher level They're just not going to have anything to do with you So in that first speech I talked about that and I helped really break down what frame looks like Across different levels of consciousness and how game changes correspondingly as your mindset changes Well, how do you discern level of consciousness and the person that you're dealing with? Yeah, so interesting question So the the pioneers in the field was a guy named dr. David Hawkins and he has a scale levels of consciousness and You can you can check it out yourself and you can kind of assess But basically you have at the very very bottom you have shame and then above shame is guilt and above Guild is apathy and above apathy is desire and you can kind of see how these emotions stack on each other And how it then goes to like anger and then good it goes to fear then it goes to anger then it goes to Pride and then you get into higher consciousness realms after pride where you're encouraged and I won't go through the whole details of it because it just take a long time, but essentially Each of these levels the lower the level the less energy you emit So when you start to get to these higher higher levels like love and joy You're emanating huge amounts of energy and your frame is more resilient So one of the things I mentioned Just as like a comparison Let's say you got into a car accident if you're at a low level of consciousness It's like my car's totaled like my life is over. How am I gonna replace my car? You know, there's like all this fear or maybe it's a little bit in the upper bounds of low consciousness where it's anger It's like that asshole like hit my car like I'm gonna get them in court I'm gonna you know, it's vengeance and then you get to higher levels and it's like well You know, it's just a car like I'm okay like it sucks, but I'll pick it up pick up the pieces you go higher It's like well, what did I what did I learn from that experience? I messed this up. So now in the future I'm gonna make sure I don't do that. This was kind of a gift because Well, maybe I didn't even really like that car and now I can get a new car Like there's a recontextualization and then on the highest levels you get to the point where it's it's almost like like So what, you know, like this is like it's just another interesting story like everybody's okay Like would you believe this crazy story that happened to me? Like it's just whatever so The whole core idea here is that when it comes to strength of an individual Strength is not really about how much you take. It's how you take it If you don't perceive something as being painful to you you're far more resilient And so you see how this anchors in with situations with women where if a woman rejects you and you're at a low levels of consciousness It's like I'm worthless and So all the stuff is like how do I deal with that feeling of worthlessness, but at higher levels It's like well, you know, there's other women out there or it's just amusing or it's like, oh, yeah Well, here's what I messed up. I'm gonna learn from that in the future. So your level of consciousness completely It affects your behavior downstream and how you respond to things so how does one become aware of their level of consciousness and Navigate themselves to a higher level of consciousness. Yeah, well, it's so first thing when it comes to consciousness There's a I don't want to make it seem like if you're at like, let's say courage On the scale, which would be like 200 You're that that means that that's the only thing that you experience because One of the we all have pockets like things that bring us down the shame things that bring us up to love So it's kind of like where do you where's your primary area of existence when you respond to things in practice people tend to have When they get into some sort of like rough situation if they hit a certain trigger There's something might trigger them and drop them down Okay, and then they have a way that they get back up So they might fall down the shame then they get to anger and then they get back to their normal state And you notice this with people over time So for me in my own level of consciousness and awareness if I end up in a place of shame One of the tools that I will use is prayer worship something like that That's a mechanism to help me navigate out of a place of shame and into a place of empowerment. Yes That's correct. Right. Yes. Are there other mechanisms that people use? I don't know self affirmations You know, how do they change frame? What is common in the space? I mean sounds like you're in the science of the mind Yeah, I mean, I think people some people have Worse mechanisms than others. I guess you could say or they have a longer journey back up Some people get really angry, you know, they'll they'll go hit the gym They'll like pound the heavy bag or something like that and then that gets out of their system I don't you know you ask like how do you get yourself to higher levels of consciousness and The funny thing about it is like asking the question is in a certain sense indicative of a level of consciousness. Okay, because like there for people who are like around our level what we want to do is We want to like we want to increase our level of consciousness So then it becomes like something that you get like if I if I go up to this level Then I'm gonna you know have more power and it's like okay But the people at the higher levels don't even think like that. So it's like we almost have to that's why I find the whole thing So amusing but basically what I would say is that if you do want to raise your consciousness a lot of it is about letting go So let me ask you this at the higher level aren't most people who are conscious and aware of you know Their state of mind aren't they agenda-driven mission-driven purchase driven purpose-driven? Is that a bad thing to to be at that level of consciousness? so There there is a very focused level of consciousness that is purpose-driven like I'm gonna go after this The highest levels of consciousness Don't actually have much of an agenda. Mm-hmm. They're simply are able to like almost enjoy everything around them They just draw being yeah, they just draw things towards them interesting interesting Okay, well it sounds like you coach clients in in this kind of work Do you see a lot of success in your formula or do you have to customize pathways for people? So I use this stuff as a framework The practical applications of it Let me put it this way. I Don't like go through a whole what level of consciousness are you at? I just use it as something that I think helps explains helps to explain what a guy may or may not need Because if you're at a certain level of consciousness You're you have to pace that so for instance. I have guys like most of the guys I work with I would say are higher consciousness guys Resonate with my work. They're not interested in power games But they have pockets that of like shame and and you know, they feel like they can't get women that Bring them down to that level and so one of the things like I have to help them Understand power games and experience it because they're going to be naturally drawn towards it with the woman even though on a higher level They don't want that kind of relationship So what happens is they they'll get attracted to a woman who's trouble and what I'll do is I'll tell them I said this is what's gonna happen. This is what she's gonna do and Here's what you can do To parry it right here's what you can do to gain control. Do you want a relationship like this? Like so I I I show them how to dominate but then I Deconstruct whether that's actually what they want and so the way I like to describe it is it's like like you know They're gonna go in the quicksand with some girl who's trouble. I said, okay I'm just gonna put the rope around you and I'll go in And and then I'll pull you out and you'll learn a lesson You learn the lesson and this is how I get them through to collapse those lower levels of consciousness and they can move Into healthier relationships So almost like a father fathering a child they allow them to get you know exposed at low risk Situations like you bring them to the stove and you say this is hot and you take the child's hand You put it near the stove and say hot don't touch. Yeah, it's almost like that You're allowing people to fail small so that they can succeed big Correct. Yeah, it is it is very much a mentoring role like this Got you do what are the common pitfalls that men have in this generation? Well, I this generation. I mean the games are so out of control I mean, I started doing this in 2015 and I got into you could say the game in 2008 I mean, we're looking depending on how you want to look at that eight 15 years or past a lot of changes Oh my god out of control out of control even since when I left like being single Was like I guess about eight years ago or something like that. It is so Superficial and so manipulative now so But you know the flip side of it is that a lot of women while they are playing all these games and guys have to navigate this and It's it's difficult to have healthy relationships On the other side. I do think a lot of women are also tired of the games So we've kind of my perspective is we've we've we're really hitting this point in society Where everything's so fake and messed up that people are still going through the motions with it, but There's not as much of a stain power for it as there used to be There's more and more like once a guy Breaks out of it like I've noticed more and more women breaking out of it. That's good. Yeah, it's very good It's very good Because I think like it's almost like there's trauma saturation It gets to a certain point where it's like we can't keep doing this anymore The human experience has been hijacked by I don't know digitization and you know fake profiles and this kind of thing What are some of the the tactics that you're teaching men how to counter That evolutionary idea that has affected relationships so dramatically so like like this sort of fantasizing about If a girl is is being fake online. Is that kind of what you mean like well what I'm saying is There seems to be a concerted effort to eliminate the human experience And in eliminating the human experience you have less time to interface with people exchange energy exchange ideas Like when back when I was dating You know that was before 2005 it was very different You would go out on a date you'd have dinner you'd meet you'd hang out you spent time together You go to ballgame you got to know each other you met families But it seems like today everybody's persona is encapsulated in a profile and all this information is presented to you as a set of data Whereby you have to make a decision about who this person is and then once you actually do get together Seemingly you have to pull back layers upon layers upon layers of the onion to find out who you are really dealing with Okay, great question. So they're they're too fast. That's to this the first is understanding manipulation in general understanding When a woman's being fakes It's one of the things that I talk about very often with guys and I'm very good at picking up sub communication So you have girls who put on this front And they can I call it girl games one of I think it's probably one of my biggest contributions to the field Is talking about girl game because most guys are talking about how to game girls I'm like, okay, but also understand how they're gaming you Because the way girl girl game operates is it plays on a guy's ego So a guy can feel like he's like the best guy at picking up girls ever like this girl's so into me But he's actually being manipulated and so this happens a lot Especially in the online space if you're meeting a girl online Um, especially even if you're meeting her through like social media and she's trying to lark with your values or whatever because Women are constantly adapting. Okay. What do guys want? Let me put on this mask and then I can get his attention and and get him invested in me So I teach guys to to view that and whenever They're they start to get overly valid validated from a girl who doesn't really know them that well I'm always like watch out. Okay, watch out and I'll tell him I say but then go explore it So that you understand for yourself. I never say don't go with this girl I say If you feel called to continue with her then do it but keep your eyes open That's the first part. The second part though Is the acknowledgement that we're part of the problem as guys And so you have all these fake girls who are out there who are doing all this stuff because they don't want to get hurt They don't want to show themselves But then the guys are doing the same thing because they don't want to get hurt And that's really what we have today is we have both sexes don't want to get hurt. So everything's fake Because if you can interact with a fake profile, then you personally can't get fully rejected Yes, I see what you're saying. So the guys have to be willing to get hurt Yeah, if they want something real, which was you know, our the advice of our parents just be yourself Essentially, yeah, right? Well, you know, this is the thing like I understand now what the context of what they were saying is but The problem is that These older generations had so much that they took for granted. They didn't understand Why those principles made sex sense in that context? But now Like people we have to like relearn the wheel Like guys have to go through the whole thing. They have to peel back all the trauma all the programming Then that's where their their self is it's hiding there beneath all of it These older generations didn't even understand that because they didn't have to deal With all these like decades now of psychological operations So I've always heard it said, I don't know maybe through public school or whatever That women or girls mature faster than boys Does that same truth Hold up when it comes to adapting you talked a minute ago about girl game and you know game From the men's perspective our men do or are women doing a better job of adapting to this new protocol This new dating environment this new way of communicating than men are I think they're both fucking up big time just to be blunt about it. I mean men are Torn between the two archetypes of Being Kind of like totally incel-ish like out of the dating game too anxious to do anything with girls Or guys who are really just Finding the pain points of girls and kind of abusing them. I mean, I don't want to use that term too aggressively Because it's all just back and forth trauma. It's not like they're doing anything illegal But they just see what the pain point is on the girls So they'll you know larp as an alpha the girl chases them They get laid and then the other guys who aren't doing that So it's like there's been an extremity paradigm of guys who are really getting laid and then guys who are not doing anything at all It's the same thing with women You have women who are also too afraid to go out there or do anything and then you have women who just become basically sluts and I think that this is just mass immaturity on both ends Both sides don't know how to deal with it. So they either lean into it Really aggressively and try to take from the other or they just shut down completely Like one of the things that it's it's a statistic that you would think Would be a good thing, but I actually think it's a negative indicator Which is that teenage pregnancy has plummeted in the last 10 years And you know, you don't want teenage pregnancy, but the flip side is that like This hyper sexualized generation If you actually look at the stats has less sex than ever There's a few people who are having tons of sex. They're hyper sexualized But most of the rest of them are just out of the picture I got you Uh, man, there's just a lot to think about with what you've said I did have a question for you that I thought was relevant, but maybe I'll leave with this It sounds to me like you know your purpose. You know your assignment. You're carrying it out How would you articulate that to the person who's meeting you on camera for the first time right here right now? What my purpose is yeah, what drives you My purpose is to help guys to D program I think if it comes down to it I've never really articulated it before but I think that that's what I do is I D program guys And I allow them to and then so after the D programming happens We can like reinstall a new operating system so to speak and I think the reason that what Why I'm good at what I do is because I am very like I'm able to to piece apart these various beliefs these little scripts Like you can tell a guy, you know, don't be a bitch do this whatever but It's it's almost as if you can't get a guy to to really embody or do something new Until you've removed what's already there And so one of the first things I do with all my clients is I do a three hour deep dive and go through their whole story And I put together the patterns for them the guys can't see it They might have like a like an idea like yeah something with my with my mom or something with my dad But they don't see How it all comes together and it's been repeated through their behavior over time So yeah, I think that's what I do I D program then that sounds amazing Well pat where could people find you could find me at pat steadman.com And I have a blog up there. I put all my old emails You can get on my email list, which is pat steadman.com slash opt-in And that's like like my core content because I put out stuff about three days a week there It doesn't get on the blog till like six months later Really awesome community and then I'm on twitter That's my main social media platform at pat underscore steadman and I'm also on tiktok and youtube Excellent for the 21 report. I'm frank peshi with speaker and world's most controversial dating coach pat steadman Thanks for watching