 a lot with women that come to me in this industry and in our community is that they will say things like, they'll really be concerned about things that aren't all that important. So things like, you know, what's this exact thing that that guy's like, one of the one of the big things that I get all the time is women will come and they'll be like, okay, you've got to have big boobs and a nice big butt and you've got to be this tall and this thin and this and that and it's, it's kind of like this, this thing where they grabbed a whole bunch of different things that they know that different guys like and they shoved them all together. And they're like, this is what men want, right? And it's really interesting because a lot of those things that they talk about aren't actually the most important things for a guy. You know, guys make decisions about who they date, who they are in a relationship with, who they want to be with in a long term relationship versus something that's just casual based on emotion, right? They do it because of how they feel. They feel a certain way and it might be with a woman that they, in fact, a lot of times it's with a woman who isn't what they visually thought in their minds, right? Maybe you know of some guys who do this, they're like, oh, I want this type of a woman and then they end up with somebody completely different or women who do that for a matter, a matter of fact where they're like, oh, I'd love to have this kind of guy and then they end up with somebody that's completely opposite of what they said because we are attracted to certain certain things and we feel a certain way and that's what we make most of our decisions on in our lives regardless of what we're making decisions on. And so today I wanted to talk about this, this subject of feeling really good in your body, feeling really great about yourself and who you are because it's that emotion that you bring to a guy that is by far the most important thing and I wanted to bring on this great expert that we have here, Una Duncan. She's a world, an international bestselling author, she's a fitness expert and she really helps people connect with themselves, connect with their emotions and really love themselves and love their bodies and love exercising and so I just wanted to come on and bring her, we actually met at a Tony Robbins event, I just wanted to throw that out there. And we got along great at the event and so I thought it would be fun to have her on the channel and come and talk to you guys about her expertise. And we jumped into a freezing cold river together. Yeah, we did. We jumped into a freezing cold river together. Yeah, totally. Thank you so much for the intro. Matt, you know what it was reminding me when you said, women will often have an idea of the type that they're attracted to but then sometimes they end up with someone who doesn't necessarily fit that type but it makes them feel that way and the biggest example I was thinking of, if you ask a lot of women, they'll say, oh, I like a really tall man, right? But if you get a man who is not that tall but he really owns his masculinity and he makes you feel in your feminine and feel taken care of or whatever those feelings are that you want, then you're like, I'm fine without the tall, this is the feeling that I wanted. And so that was the kind of example that I can really relate to as a woman that you're talking about. And I do think that there are so many women out there that we are brainwashed women. We are brainwashed to think that men will not be attracted to us. We don't have the boobs or the waist or the bum or the whatever is the latest. And by the way, you guys know that what men are attracted to changes all the time, right? Like when, you know, in my short life, short life, I'm 43, I still remember times when I wanted to look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator, so she had this really buff kind of look. And then I remember in the 90s, what was really popular was enormous boobs, but like a stick, like Winona Ryder. I really wanted to look like Winona Ryder. And then now it's all about the bum. But when I was a teenager, like you couldn't have a bum. That was sort of really bad. It was all about the boobs. So this stuff changes all the time. And ladies, if we were to try and adapt our physical bodies to fit the latest trends of what men are supposedly attracted to, which is mostly BS. It's just fashion trends meant to sell us stuff. But if we were to try to change our bodies to fit this, we would go berserk and we kind of do, right? So that is one of the reasons why it is so important to feel good right now. Right now, because as Matt was saying, it's really the way you make a man feel that he is attracted to. And he's going to feel so good if you feel good. I'm sure Matt, you probably talk about this all the time. Like that's what dudes want, right? They want to be a rounded woman who is happy and who's feeling good and that they can feel like they are helping her feel good, right? Yeah. Well, there's I just want to mention one thing here. My I've a friend that I used to hang out with a lot who was one of those kinds of guys who used to go for women who are like stick thin, right? And that was his type. And everybody knew that was his type. That was the kind of girl that he would go after when he saw somebody in a bar as he would go after the thin, really thin girl, right? Yeah. And it was really interesting because the the woman that he ended up with was not this, you know, super thin kind of woman that he would normally go after when you'd see him going after girls in the bar. And he ended up, you know, getting into this long term relationship and they've been seeing each other for a while. And it was interesting because I pulled him aside one time because I wanted to talk to him about it because this is all I talk about for the most part, right? It's just like personal development stuff and and dating and relationships. I was like, I was like, hey, man, his name is Michael. And I was like, hey, Michael, you know, like, you know, normally you go for these kinds of women, you know, and everybody knows about that. And, you know, the girl that you're that you're with now is not, you know, like nothing wrong with her by any means. But she's not that type that you normally would go for. And I was like, I was like, what's the, you know, like, what's the deal with that? And and what he told me was one of the most fascinating things I've ever heard. And he was like, he's like, yeah, man, I don't know. It's just when I saw her, it's just there's something about her that that just made me want to run over and just like grab her and start kissing her. And he's like, he's like, I know she's not the normal type that I go for. And if I would have told you what kind of a type that I look for, it wasn't her, but, you know, it was there's something about her that just made me feel so attracted to her. And and so I went over and talked to her and, you know, we're in a relationship now and I still feel that way, which he said, normally he doesn't like after a period of time, he kind of loses interest and pulls away and all that kind of stuff and disappears. Right. And he said that he was just like, I don't know what it is about her, but she's got some kind of energy about her that I just connect with and I just want to be around her all the time and just, you know, hold her and kiss her and, you know, tear her clothes off and make love to her. And so it was just a completely different experience that he had when he was connecting instead of it just being this kind of superficial kind of body, you know, I'm looking at her and I see this, you know, this this attractiveness from kind of a primal standpoint, it like goes even deeper, right? And it goes into to something that's in his soul, right? Energy, he's really looking for. Yeah. And so I just wanted to throw that in there because I love that story. That's great. That's awesome. So here's one thing that I wanted to say that one of the problems I think that a lot of women have when you when you start to think of, OK, yes, I know confidence is good. So I'm going to I'm going to start to be more confident and start to and, you know, also magazines are always like, love yourself the way you are. You should, you know, all that sort of stuff. We're constantly pummeled with change your body, fit these beauty ideals. And then if you don't, but you should love yourself the way you are, but change it if you can, but love yourself the way you are. And just, right? That's kind of the messaging that we get all the time. But one of the problems I think that women have with this idea of loving themselves the way they are is that they get concerned. OK, wait a second. If I allow myself to be OK with the way I am right now, is not letting myself off the hook when I really feel like I need to lose, you know, 10, 15 pounds when I really should start exercising or whatever, you know, they really feel like they're going to be letting themselves off the hook and that without that pressure that they're putting on themselves, then they will just, you know, binge eat or let themselves go completely. So here's the thing. It's actually kind of the opposite. We have this idea that we look in the mirror, we play bootcamp sergeant with ourselves and say, OK, this is, you know, you've got to get rid of this and you've got to fix that. Then we will shame ourselves into behaving properly. But it actually completely doesn't work that way. In fact, the more you beat yourself up, the more likely you are to binge to skip your workouts, to feel depressed, which will cause that sort of cycle. And they've done studies on this. They did one, Matt, where they they made a bunch of test subjects, eat donuts and then they gave half of the people messages of, you know, self-compassion and said, Hey, you know, it doesn't matter that you ate the donut. We told you to do it. It's our fault. There's not even any calories in it. Don't worry about it. And then the other group did not get those messages. And then they had them sit and do like math or something like that. And they just happened to have candy on the tables. And guess which group ate twice as much candy? The ones that didn't get the messages of self-compassion, just unconsciously ate twice as much candy, even though they had just had the donut. So this is the thing is that if you are right now beating yourself up, thinking if I beat myself up, then I'll behave properly. I'll make myself feel bad enough in order to motivate myself. It won't work. It really won't work. And the second thing that I want you to know is that exactly like Matt was saying, not only are men attracted to the way they feel around you, but they feel like that around you because you feel like that about yourself. Like there is nothing more of a turn off to men. Actually, I mean, Matt, correct me, I'm not an expert in this, but this is my guess. This is my guess that when we put the burden on men to make ourselves feel good about ourselves, that's that's not a job they want. They don't want that job. We have to show up feeling good about ourselves. That's not their job to tell us that we're not fat or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. OK, right, right. It's just an interject there. It's just it's exhausting is what it feels like, right? It feels like, I mean, like initially, it's not a big deal, right? Because you kind of feel like you're needed, right? You feel like you have this job and you have this role and you're like, oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're great. No, you look great and everything's great. And yeah, how are you feeling? Right. But if you have to do that all the time and and she's constantly seeking it and she's contacting you and, you know, constantly baiting you for compliments and and trying to make herself feel better by connecting with you all the time. It just over time, what ends up happening is it gets guys start feeling tired and they start thinking in their mind like, I don't know if I could be with her long term because like this is something that he knows that he's going to have to deal with for the rest of your lives together. And so he he's like, you know, for a lot of guys, it ends up kind of cutting you off from being long term relationship type of material, not because he doesn't want to have you as a long term relationship, but because he doesn't feel like he's really up to the task, you know, because or or if he like he even wants it, right? Yeah, do I want to experience this forever? And even if you want it, like, can I even be successful in helping her feel better because every time I tell her she looks fine, she says, no, I don't. So you're making him feel unsuccessful if you're kind of rejecting that idea. So and also, I just want to say one thing that what ends up happening is that it usually gets worse, right? Because at first, you know, for the first couple of months that you meet somebody, there's kind of this persona thing, right, where you're on like your good behavior. And then you're like, you're hanging out. And then over time, what happens is you start becoming more and more comfortable. Yeah. So your stuff starts coming out more and more and more. Totally. And and if it's like crazy, right? And it just keeps getting worse and worse, which is what ends up happening. If you've really if you're really down on yourself and you're really depressed and every time you're around him, you feel good. But that's the only time you feel good is when you're around him, you start getting addicted to being around him and that emotion and whatever he does in order to trigger that emotional state that you have. And so you're constantly seeking it, right? And for him, it's just it's like overload, you know, and totally, totally. And I think that you just touched on the kind of the most important thing is that we think we want, you know, flat abs or like defined arms or whatever. We think we want, you know, a thigh gap. I don't know, thigh gap is the thing now. We think we want these things, but actually what we want is the feeling we think we're going to have when we have these things. So it's not that because a lot of people, this is what happens. They get the flat or, you know, maybe they get the flat abs, but if they've been constantly training themselves to be discontent with their body, they'll get the flat abs and they'll say, yeah, but, you know, I really got to lose some here or I really got to get whatever. They'll come up with something else because that is the only neural pathway they've ever practiced. And then the other thing is that it actually won't work, like I said. But even if it does work, even if you managed to somehow get yourself down to the flat abs of one hundred and twenty pounds or whatever you think your goal is, if you haven't been practicing the feeling that you actually want, you're going to get there and you're still not going to have that feeling. So what you need to understand is that it is the feeling that you want. And you have to start training for that feeling at exactly the way you are at right now today. And it can be hard like training for anything. It's like a muscle. It is a muscle. This is the muscle that you have to start building. And you've got to start thinking about it as training like any other kind of training, because if you think you're going to get down to one hundred and twenty pounds or whatever, and then suddenly you'll feel, you know, sexy, confident, however you think you're going to feel, but you've never practiced it. That would be like asking yourself to do like a one-armed pull up when you've never even carried your groceries. Like you will not be able to access those feelings. You've never trained for it. So you have to start training for that now. And so you were going to start doing things like looking in the mirror and being like, holy crap, you look amazing, like giving yourself compliments. You're going to have to like I had one friend, actually one of my clients, she said, Una, I exercise all the time. I eat really well. How can I get rid of the cellulite on my thighs? OK, so now if you were to hear that, you would say what I asked her is, why do you want to get rid of the cellulite on your thighs? And obviously she's probably like rolling her eyes being like, duh, because I want to wear short shorts and a bathing suit. And what I want to say is actually you want to feel a certain way in short shorts and a bathing suit. So and I knew this girl, I knew she exercised all the time. She ate really well and I could probably give her really like really strict regime. I could tell her about, you know, using fake tan and preparation age. Preparation age actually gets rid of cellulite. Just tip, if you ever do want to do that. So I could tell her about all this stuff, but it would be a massive project. And the project to be way better spent on her practicing wearing short shorts. And every time she has that thought of, oh, my God, are people noticing my cellulite thinking like, damn, right, they're looking at my hot legs. And the problem is that a lot of people when I tell them that, they're like, oh, I'm not ready. Like I can't, it's that's too much for me. That's like ask for me to look in the mirror naked. Even just that is often too much for women. And so then you just want to start like any kind of training. Start with the little baby steps and work up incrementally. So if you're not at a point where you can look at yourself in the mirror and be like, oh, yeah, maybe you could just start by looking in the mirror and thinking, I accept this body. I'm grateful for this body. And then once you've got like a genuine sense of acceptance and gratitude, maybe then you move up to and this lipstick looks kind of nice on me. And then maybe you move up to my legs actually look really good in heels or whatever. So you start to like it's just baby steps. You're building that confidence muscle because really it is that is what you want. It's not the cellulite free legs. It's not the whatever it's the confidence. Yeah. And that's the confidence and that emotion is what is what brings everything else. You know, the more you feel good about yourself and the more you just feel good in general and the happier you are and the more you're celebrating and the more that you experience life feeling in a empowering emotional state, the more that you'll want to start feeling that more and the more that you'll start doing things in order to start feeling that way. And one of the things that helps you feel that way more often is a little thing we call progress, right, where you make progress doing something, right, which can be losing weight or getting the tone, but you want or any of that kind of stuff, right? And the more that you move towards that and you're coming from a space of feeling good, the more you start celebrating it, the more you feel good. And, you know, kind of like what Una was talking about earlier, though, if you're not, if you haven't practiced this, if you haven't done it for a while, it can be a very challenging thing, you know? And so you you smart, you start out small like what you were saying. And you can just do anything, right? Just just, you know, one of the things that I started doing when I first started doing stuff like this is I would get like strips and I would write out things and I would place it places where I would see it, right? And, you know, some of it was a little bit too bold for me. But at the same time, it started getting my my mind thinking in the right direction and started when I look at it, you know, one of the things that we talk about a lot on this channel is what you focus on you feel and what you feel you receive, right? And so you want to change your focus to the things that you want and the things that you want to feel and the thoughts more importantly than anything. And I talk about this in my programs, right? The thoughts that you want to have and and doing it from a holistic standpoint, right? If you're if you're just working on that external thing, which is what a lot of women get kind of caught up in is they focus on, you know, the the external result, you know, just like what Una was saying, you end up at the result. If you do, you end up at the result and it's not enough. You know, and it's never enough and it never will be enough. And that's why you need to come from that place from the beginning. And if you're not in the beginning, just right now is a great time. Totally. And you know what, Matt? This that reminds me is that what you said about progress is perfect. That is like another one of the secrets to making yourself feel better right now is that so, you know, you want that feeling, right? You think you're going to have any get the abs or whatever. But the best part, this is so interesting. And Matt, maybe you remember Tony saying this, he's like, happiness is the progression is making meaningful progress towards goals. OK, so it's actually it's really funny. A lot of studies show that we're actually happiest when we're moving towards our goals rather than when we've achieved them. So if you want to start feeling happier, more confident about your body now, and this is totally backed up by research, you can even just do one workout, one workout, and already you have a slight shift of feeling a little bit more confident about your body, any progress you make, I think even scheduling your workout, once you've scheduled your workout, you're like, right, I'm on track, I'm making progress. Choosing a salad, you chose one salad and you're like, OK, I'm on track, I'm making progress. Every single one of these choices is a vote for the new identity, the identity that you want and the feeling that you want. And it doesn't have to happen when you've achieved the goal. It doesn't have to happen. You know, for example, a thing I'm carrying a lot now is well, when this pandemic is over, then I will blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no, no, now, like there's always this chance to make a choice that's a vote for the identity you want. You don't have to wait for Monday. You have to wait for the summer. You can start that feeling right now by making a choice that's even just the tiniest little one degree towards the goal that you want. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, what was there anything else that you wanted to talk about here? Oh, no, I mean, Sam, just to get my notes here. I think no, I think that actually that thing about the progress and you just reminded me that was the other thing that I really wanted to nail home and other than I just want to reiterate the idea that when you start practicing these these loving thoughts towards yourself and your body and complimenting yourself and finding little things to love and to feel confident about, it will feel like a lie. It 100 percent will. And you just keep doing it. It's a fake it till you make it kind of thing. And you do want to back it up until it feels somewhat reasonable, like Matt was saying, like it was a little bit too much for him. But that's starting to train your brain in the right direction and back it up until you can kind of buy it. And then you start adding on. And again, this is the muscle you want to train the feeling feeling of feeling confidence, sexy, whatever is the feeling that you think you're going to have when you've got the smoke and body or whatever. OK, one thing I want to mention real quick is if you're interested in getting a free chapter of Una's book, you can go you can you can go to fitfeelsgood.com forward slash chapter and you can get that. There should be a link below above or below this video, depending on where you're watching this right now. And if there isn't, then just go to fitfeelsgood.com forward slash chapter. And so if you have any questions about anything, go ahead and ask the question. Your questions in the chat. It looks like we've got a lot of comments here. So, yeah, you know, it's everything that you've been talking about is absolutely wonderful. I love everything that we're totally in alignment with with the things that we we think about and the things that we do, which is probably why we met at a Tony event because, you know, it's it's we're those kinds of people, right? Personal development is great. That's right. Yeah. And if so, if this is like if this is the kind of philosophy you're teaching your people and they want to apply it to a fitness journey, that that's what I talk about in my book. So it's really applying this mindset towards whatever it is that you want to achieve in your fitness and your health and your wellness, which, you know, right now, it's not about a focus to have. Yeah, it's a great focus to have. This is a perfect time to start working on it, working at home, working on it. If you go out, you know, and go for a run or whatever, it's there's there's plenty of places I know where I am. There's like I didn't even know there's like some parks out here that have like gyms and stuff out and so I've been checking that out. So let's go to the comments. Let's go to the comments real quick. Cheryl says, love your sage advice so far. There's a warning there from Cheryl. Yeah, thank you. Amy says, good afternoon. So happy to catch you live. Well, I am happy that you are here with us right now. Let's see. Hello, Matthew. Greetings from Tanzania and your number one fan. Well, nice. Thank you. Thank you. Does anybody have any questions about feelings, feeling good? You know, what's going on with you connecting with yourself, feeling confident, being in your emotions, experience life the way that you want to losing weight. Anything like that. Yeah, you're welcome to ask us any kinds of questions. Actually, if you have any questions at all about anything, we'll answer anything right now. And I did one other thing is that sometimes when people get access to this, you know, philosophy of trying to make yourself of, you know, monitoring your thoughts and thinking about the things that you want rather than thinking about the things you don't want, etc. Is that they start to get a little panicky because they might have some negative thought patterns and then they will start to beat themselves up for having the negative thought patterns. So one script that I offer to people is that if you do hear yourself beating yourself up, then your new script is even though I have this negative thought pattern of hating my thighs or whatever, I still deeply and completely love and accept myself exactly as I am, even though I have this pattern. And the fact that I'm starting to hear it means that I'm getting closer to letting it go because when you bring it to your awareness, that's when you can consciously choose it or not. And if you start to hear it, then it's not you're actually separating yourself from it a little bit. So that's one one thing not to freak out. If you hear yourself thinking about thoughts and think, oh, I'm thinking about thoughts, I'm going to binge or whatever. So no, you're hearing it. Now you can stop it and love yourself, even though you have those patterns. And one thing I wanted to kind of throw in there as well. I'm just like, you know, throwing in things over here. But one thing I want to throw in is there you kind of mentioned this thing where it's like, you know, I don't really feel this. This isn't really me, right? I'm not, you know, one of the things that we get from women all the time is they're like, oh, this isn't I'm that's not me, right? Like saying anything other than what I would normally say isn't me. Right. And it's like, is that is that really you? You know, and the metaphor that I have for this is think of it more like trying on a new pair of pants, right? You put on a new pair of pants and it feels kind of awkward and weird because it's not, you know, you just put them on for the first time and they're built from a factory, they're not made for you, right? And but over time, what ends up happening is they you kind of wear them in and they start feeling really comfortable. And next thing you know, they're your favorite pair of jeans. And so that that's kind of the metaphor, right? Like sometimes you might start bringing up new thoughts or bringing up new emotions and you're like, no, you know, because some women kind of pull on these identities of like, I'm a, you know, I'm just a negative person or I'm just angry or I'm just whatever, right? I'm depressed. I'm, you know, whatever. And then you take that on and that becomes who you are, but that's not really who you are, you know, you're you're a growing and evolving person who can can take on new identities and then feel a new way and you can actually become a person who's a happy person, an excited person, a person who loves your life and experiences joy all the time. If you take on a new identity and and start thinking in a new way and pulling in these emotions that you can feel whenever you want to feel. Totally. I think it's all about a growth mindset, right? Which has been, you know, there's so much about growth mindset and how important it is. And it's so funny because I don't know if there's any women here who are moms, but we would never tolerate our children saying these absolutes about themselves. Oh, I'm just bad at math. I'm just, you know, whatever. We'd say, no, you're bad at math now. There's a great personal development trip. You know, when you do fortune cookies and there's that meme where you add in bed, you know, like stranger in bed or whatever. So what we're supposed to do is if you hear yourself beating yourself up about something, then you add yet onto it. So like, I'm not in great shape yet. I'm not good at Zumba, whatever, yet. And so you add the yet on there and then it just reminds your brain that you have a growth mindset and that you can really accomplish anything you want, that these things are not fixed. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I actually heard a guy, this personal development guy one time say, like, if you if you catch yourself thinking something that's negative, what you do is you change the way that you say it to I haven't yet, right? Or I used to like in the past, I thought, you know, whatever, right? And then it associates it from you and it makes it this thing that you did once instead of taking it on as an identity of who you are. It's an old version of you. All right, let's see what Irene says. Hello from California. When a guy says he don't feel like he's even close to being ready to have that kind of a relationship with anyone, is it considered as a rejection? And, you know, that's a really interesting question, Irene, because what's interesting is you're you're at the point of like you took this guy says this thing, right? And you're like you're in your mind and you're like, how do I what do I make this mean? Right? You're like at this crossroads. You can make it mean I'm being rejected or you can make it mean something completely different. Like, you know, this guy has issues right now and he's not in a space. Right? He told you literally I'm not in a space to date anybody or be in a relationship with anybody and you're you're what you're doing is you're saying, well, he said that should I make it mean be something about me? Right? Should I make it, you know, something that's personal about me? And my suggestion is that you don't do that, you know, regardless of what it actually is, my suggestion is that you don't do that. And instead, you just take it at face value. He said that he's not ready for a relationship. And my suggestion is you just take it as he's not ready for a relationship. So did you want to say anything about that? No, I was actually I was like, that's true. I was like, he told you exactly and I wouldn't exactly what you said. I would not make that about you. All right. Rose says, hello, Matthew and Una from Renando Beach, California. Hello, Teresa says, love your relationship. Advice has helped me a lot being a widow in a new relationship. Well, I am glad that you are here, Teresa. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it. So we've got another person saying that they're my biggest fan. Are you saying you're Una's biggest fan? Who's biggest fan are you? And by the way, I think you have competition for the biggest fan. So let's see, what else do we have? Marjorie says, hello, Matthew and Una. How are you both from the from the Philippines? Cool. I'm doing great. How are you doing? I'm great. Thanks for asking. Thanks for asking. Linda says, confidence is sexy. I agree with that. It is super sexy. So Gladys Gladys says, I have a lot of skulls on my legs and always uncomfortable in public. Is there anything I can do about it? Oh, glad as my friend, I don't know what you mean by skulls. I think I don't need it. In my mind, what I'm picturing is like tattoos of skulls or like skulls, like tights or something like that. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I mean, are you are you talking about tattoos? Do you have tattoos of skulls on your legs? Is that what's going on? We're wondering if it autocorrected cellulite or something. I don't know. That that is a common thing. Right. Right. Well, we won't know unless you comments again. Yvette says, I guess if you keep saying negative things about yourself, you could start believing it too. Not great. Yes, exactly. This is something that I call the law of belief transference. Right. If you believe something more confidently than the person that you're with, believe something different, you will transfer that belief over to them, even if they don't want to believe it. Right. And if you believe that you're not worthy and that you're not good enough and that you're ugly and all these different things, right? And you're around him, no matter how strong his belief is, if your belief is stronger, which it will be and he's talking to you over time, he will start to pick up on that and he will start to feel weighed down by it at the very least, if not taking on some of those thought patterns as well. So let's see. Cheryl says, sitting in my boho tree house overlooking the lake, listening to your relationship advice, always loving it. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Irene says, when I ask what he values in people, he says competence. He needs someone as good or better than him. Does it mean I'm not good enough for him? You know, it's really interesting, Irene, because you are also at a crossroads here, right? You're like, what should I make this mean? Right. And it's interesting. One of the things I want you to think about is the fact that whenever, you know, a lot of women out there, and I'm sure you're probably the only woman out here that does this. But, you know, when something happens, notice how you go to the worst case scenario, right? The worst case scenario is I'm not good enough for him. Right. And this could mean anything. It could mean a whole bunch of different things. Right. It could mean he could be talking about friendships. You know, he could be talking about like what we were talking about earlier, where a guy says that he wants one thing but ends up with somebody else because of his emotions. Right. Generally speaking, most guys aren't looking for a woman who is trying to compete with him in a whole bunch of different areas. Right. Like it's just it's not all that attractive to most guys. Right. It might be fun. It might be interesting. It might be a good thing to have in a buddy. But for a lot of guys out there, they aren't really looking for somebody who's who's like better than him at at, you know, things that he's good at. And so that's something I think you you ought to think about. And the other thing I think you ought to think about is not making it mean that you're not good enough for him. But instead finding out, you know, instead changing the way that you think about yourself so that instead of coming up with the idea that, you know, he thinks about me as not good enough, instead coming from a standpoint of, you know, what if I'm incredibly attractive? What if, you know, men are absolutely, you know, feel like I'm irresistible to them? What, you know, and coming from like mindsets like that, it's something I talk a lot about in in my forever woman program where I talk about, you know, changing the way that you think so that when you interact with a guy, what ends up happening is is you have a different way that you make things mean. And, you know, if you if you come up to a guy and you start talking to him and he says something to you and whatever it doesn't matter what he says and you think to yourself, does this mean that I'm not good enough for him? Right. Or if you make it mean something like, oh, he's, you know, creating a challenge for me or, oh, he's he's trying to test me in some way or, oh, he's he's really attracted to me. And so he's trying to come up with reasons why he's, you know, you know, like trying to, I don't know, whatever, right? Like maybe this is a bad example coming off the top of my head from this. But but changing the way that you think about it and coming from a standpoint of something that makes you feel more confident about yourself rather than coming from a standpoint of making yourself feel worse about yourself. I think you'll you'll do a lot better, not only with men, but in the rest of your entire life. I actually had a question based on those two last questions seem to be my man said this, does that mean he's thinking this about me? Do men communicate in those kind of cryptic ways? Because I know that for a woman, you know, if someone if so, I might say something like, oh, I really like flowers. And obviously I'm telling him to buy me flowers. That's how I communicate as a woman. But if a man says I like flowers, maybe he's just saying that. And he actually it wasn't about me at all. I don't know. I'm asking you. Do men communicate like sometimes, sometimes they do. But it's not it's not as often as women do, right? So a guy might say something in a cryptic way because he doesn't want to hurt a woman's feelings, right? And he doesn't want to get himself in trouble or, you know, a whole bunch of other things, right? He might he might say things in a little bit more of a cryptic way. But, you know, a lot of times it's women overthinking it. Like you can see in some of these comments that we have here, it's it's probably them just taking it and then, you know, going somewhere else with it, which is really difficult not to do. Right. If that's a habit of yours, where you do that every time, right? And so instead of just trying to not do it, in my opinion, it would be better to kind of do it in a different way instead of taking it and, you know, going over here and and being like, oh, it's this negative thing, taking it and going over here and saying it's this thing that that empowers that me, that that makes my life better, that makes me feel better, you know, or, you know, at the very least kind of like brushes off my shoulder and really impact me at all. So yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. All right. Anonymous Facebook user says, it's always something with me never satisfied. Yeah. So I think she's referring to the idea of like getting to a success point and then not being satisfied with it. Absolutely. And that is always the pattern. So what we have to do is start to really appreciate the journey and the progress because, you know, most of the time when people get to their big moment, it's not, you know, it's usually not quite as awesome as we thought it was going to be. And so you have to start loving the journey and appreciating, you know, it's a win every time you exercise, not when you get the six pack. That's not the win. The win is every time you get yourself up and out the door, you know, it's a win every time you choose the salad instead of the fries. That's when you give yourself the pat on the back and say, yes, I'm a healthy person. Yeah. Absolutely. I love it. I love it. So Cheryl says, people obsessed with their body image is exhausting. Shut up and live. That's what I'm talking about. Shut up and live by being so obsessed with your body image. All right. I'm going to butcher this name. I'm not the greatest with name. He's Hey, well, there you go. Somebody's somebody's good with names. Hello, Matthew. Sometimes the men am attracted to death or feeling not feeling the same with me. It's crazy. I think you say the men that I am so attracted to, I'm attracted to them to death. They don't feel the same way to me. That's an interesting. That's an interesting situation that you have there. Let's see. Irene says, how come the guy that I'm friends with, for he didn't feel the same with me and yet still agree to be friends with me, also be vulnerable. The reason for that, Irene, is because men have emotional needs, right? I just talked about how men make decisions based on their emotions. Well, men have emotional needs and so they want to be friends with you and they want to get certain things out of being connected with you and being in relation to you, whether it's a romantic relationship or not. Right. And so it's not always just romantic relationship or nothing. Right. There's varying degrees of what men can want and get and experience and they want to have friends and they want to be connected and they want to be vulnerable and they want to feel good. Right. They want to feel good about themselves. They want to feel good about their relationship to you. They want to to experience the things that they need and they feel like they need to experience in their lives. And so he can act absolutely want to connect with you. But if he's afraid, right? If he's got some fears around himself not being good enough, right? Where he feels like maybe he isn't good enough to be in a relationship with you because he, you know, typical men problems, you know, doesn't feel like he has enough money to be in a relationship or, you know, doesn't feel like his personality is good enough. He hasn't achieved enough in his life. He's, you know, not respected enough or not good enough of a man or not masculine enough or, you know, it doesn't have, you know, Brad Pitt's body or, you know, all the same things in some regards that some women have that they have issues with, right? If he feels like, you know, he wants this this connection. But for some reason, he's just not good enough to be in a relationship. He might just ask you for friends that way. He doesn't have to face those fears that he has and face those challenges and whatever that he has about his own personal emotions. So, yeah, did you want to say anything about that? No, I'm loving listening to you. I'm learning so much here. This is awesome. Yep. So Manon says, true what you focus on, you feel and what you feel you start receiving. That's right. That is right. Pretty feisty says, where do I buy her book? Yeah, everywhere. They sell books. Healthy. Yeah. If you go to my site there at Fit Feels Good. If you want at home workouts or anything like that, you can get them there. But if you go to book at Fit Feels Good, there'll be links directly on Amazon and independent booksellers and stuff like that. And you can get a free chapter there so you can see if it's your thing. Yeah, and it's got great reviews. So just just just just go buy it. Just just go just go buy it. I don't know what you're even thinking. Contemplating it for Helena says, this is a great topic. Thanks, Helena. Thanks for being here. Helena is a friend of mine. Jane says, I agree with you both, especially the comments on progress, process and goals have just lost 23 kilos. Nice job. That's not easy. Congratulations. Yeah, congratulations. That's that is impressive. Yeah. And it is all about progress, yeah. Yeah, progress, it's all about progress, it's all about feelings, it's all about all that stuff, the feels, focus on the feels is what you want to do. Focus on the feels. So Diana says, hi, Matthew, love you a question, please. A man got angry and called me a terrible name. I said I felt hurt and he said. And he should apologize. He went quiet and didn't do something. He said he would the next day. It's been six days. What's the right way to behave now? Plus, I feel so sad now. Yeah, I mean, that sounds horrible. And it sucks, you know, and and people have issues, right? People, everybody's got issues. Well, I mean, some people have issues, not perfect people like me and Luna, but yeah, so, yeah, I mean, he got mad. He called you a terrible name. You told him that you felt hurt and that he should apologize. And so he's gone quiet and disappeared. And so what you need to do and I don't know what your situation is, right? It doesn't say whether you're in a committed relationship or whether you guys are just dating or just seeing each other or whether you're casual or what it is. But my suggestion is that you live your life. And at some point he will decide whether he wants to come back and apologize or not. And if he does, then you get to decide whether you want to let him back into your life. And my suggestion is that if he does come back and he, you know, one, make sure that he apologizes. If he doesn't, don't let him back into your life. Two, make sure you set a boundary around it. I go over that in detail in my how to talk to a guy program. But basically what you want to do is say what it is that you want. You know, tell him that you love to be in a great relationship with him. But, you know, he said something to you that was really hurtful and that you respect yourself far too much to be in a relationship with somebody that's going to treat you like that and then ask him if he'll agree that he won't ever say that, say something like that again. And that that's how you set a boundary. And so those two things, right? One is make him apologize to make sure you set a boundary in three. Make him work to get you back. So make sure that he's investing. He's taking on the masculine role in the relationship. He's doing things like going out of his way to come see you and investing in you from an emotional, mental time, possibly financial standpoint, that way that you're setting yourself up for the best possible situation that you can with this guy. But I mean, it's one of those things. Another thing you have to remember is that people live in patterns, right? We all live in patterns. We all have patterns for things that we do. And so if he's done this one time and he's getting all kind of cranky and leaving, this is a window into what life will be like with him. And so, you know, you have to remember that people can change, but most people don't. And so you have to remember these kinds of things and know what's going on and don't hold on to it forever, right? You want to let go and forgive, forgive yourself. And but always remember what's going on and make sure that you're getting in yourself into a good situation. I hope that answered your question, Diana. So Nika says, I have a very unhealthy body image of myself. Could some type of counseling help with this? If so, what kind? You know, you could try cognitive behavioral therapy. That's where you start to notice your thoughts and adjust your behavior. I mean, that's the only sort of therapy type that I can think of. I if you do have a body image, I strongly suggest you get my book, but cognitive behavioral therapy would be the first thing that I would Google in your situation, it really will be about noticing the thoughts and deciding whether you want to continue with that thought or not. And then just start interrupting those patterns and with a lot of compassion for yourself. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Good answer there, Una. All right, let's see what Belinda says. You always get what you expect. Not sure if that's true, but it's an interesting, an interesting idea. Let's see. Anonymous Facebook user says, I do this stuff all the time. Well, you do, huh? You just come on here and start your own live stream. Maybe you should be doing this video. Why are we here? Anonymous Facebook user does this all the time. No, that's cool. That's awesome. I'm glad you do this all the time. I hope it I hope it helps and I'm sure I'm sure it does. Yeah. So Bunny Bundy says, I think I am fat, but my boyfriend thinks I am too thin. I have gained over 10 pounds since we have been together. I was following a keto diet for type two diabetes control and weight control. I do not feel sexy in my current state. It's interesting and it's interesting. I would be curious as to whether your boyfriend has responded to your feelings of feeling less sexy. That's what I would be wondering about, because I would think that he would respond to your shift in the way you feel in your body and therefore not encourage you to lose and or it was gain weight, right? Yeah, gain weight. And it's actually quite common for when when women move in with men to start eating man food and gain a bit of weight. We go like the love pounds. I don't know. Do you ever talk about that? No, that's the first time I've heard about love pounds. Yes, yeah, I have no doubt in my mind that is usually a little bit more and getting the dessert to share and and also then you move in together and then you get a lot of more take out and you end up eating man food. You know, and usually love pounds are the best way to like those the best pounds to gain and usually they're great and no one cares or whatever. And then you sort of settle into a bit more of a rhythm and everything's fine. In the situation there where you said that you felt like you needed to lose weight and he felt like you needed to gain weight. I would be I would be careful about and I would love to hear Matt's perspective on this about what you do when a man is giving you advice on your body because I would feel like the man's job is more to respond to how you want to feel in your body and to encourage you and support you in behaviors that make you feel amazing in your body. And if he's encouraging you and supporting you in having behaviors that are making you feel worse in your body, whether that's to lose weight or gain weight, then I would say that that turns it over to Matt. Matt in a relationship more of a question because that that that puts off alarm bells for me personally, but you speak to that man. Yeah. And, you know, the first thought that comes to my mind and absolutely, you know, absolutely what Una just said is very, very important. And the first thought that comes to my mind is coming from a space of compassion for the guy. Right. So why would a guy want you to gain weight when you want to lose it? Right. And the first answer that comes to my mind when I think about being a guy that's like talking to a woman and wanting her to gain weight and she wants to lose it is that I would feel more comfortable if she gained weight. Huh. Right. You think that there's a possibility he's saying, baby, you don't need to lose weight. In fact, you can gain weight. It's it's possible. It's possible. I don't know. All I can do is go from the facts that she said. And so she's if she I mean that is very, very possible, you know, in and make sure that you take what he says into context, you know, like what Una said, make sure that if if it's a situation where, you know, he's it's kind of like this offhanded thing where he's trying to encourage you, but he's not, you know, but but it could be right. Because some guys, what ends up happening is they get a woman and then they're like, I want to keep her. Right. And so they're like gain weight because I don't like guys looking at you. And I don't like you walking around and it could be a jealousy thing, right? It could be a jealousy insecurity thing on his part where he's not feeling good enough about himself. And so he's scared that he's going to lose you to some better guy that shows up in your life. And so he wants you to have more weight because he thinks that you'll be less attractive and less guys will look at you. Right. Or another thing is that he maybe is overweight. I don't know what your guy looks like, but let's just assume for a minute that he's overweight and that he's a lot overweight than you are. Right. And he looks at you and he's like, wow, she's like going towards these goals. She's working on herself. She's doing all these things. But I'm not. Right. And so what he ends up feeling from that is being left behind. Right. He feels like you're going off without him. Like you're doing all these things and that you're going to end up leaving him and, you know, he's going to be left behind at some point because you're going to have this new body and this great life and all these great emotions and these great things, but he's not. He's the same old guy that you met and he's not growing. He's not changing. He's not doing any of those things. And so he might be scared that he's going to lose you or that you're going to be different or, you know, all kinds of different things from this. And so that is my kind of initial thought on that. So we'd need to know a little bit more about exactly what he said to know, to know which one is the correct one. So Juliet says, interesting advice. I'm enjoying your program. One quick question. Why why a man would want to ask a woman about her past relationships? You know, there's a whole bunch of different reasons why my man might want to ask a woman about her past relationships. One of them is if he's conscious, right? He might be like, you know, I want to see if there's patterns, right? Because because everybody knows, right? If you don't know, let me tell you right now, people live in patterns. And so if he looks at your past relationships, there's a good chance that your current relationship is going to look like your past one, right? And so he wants to know what happened in those relationships. What are the red flags that I'm missing? You know, all that kind of stuff. That that's generally speaking, why he might want to ask that question and know more about that. So let's see here. Anonymous Facebook user says the little miracles is what matters. Little miracles. All right. Marjorie says, hi, Matthew. What if a guy says to you that he likes my personality? That's really feel me confident. Even I'm not sure with that. What? I'm not sure what you're saying there. I think maybe she's saying that if a guy says that like her personality, is maybe it's a similar kind of question. Is that a brush off? Is that him thing he's not attracted to you physically? Right. I don't know if that's what she's asking, but I'd love to know what you say about that. So. OK, so so. You know, it depends. It depends on the situation, right? It depends on the context. So what we're missing right now is kind of the scenario in which he's asking this question or saying this to you. And so we need to know. We'd have to know more about the actual scenario in order to actually be able to answer that question. So pretty feisty says, where can we buy any published materials? She's written. She's awesome. You can go to Amazon.com and pick up her program there. Oh, we got another one. Thanks, Una, just found and bought your book on Amazon. Can't wait to start reading and applying. That's awesome, dude. And oh, if you don't want to wait for books, they got Kindle in the audio and I got to do my own audio and it was super fine. I should warn you if you can't tell by the title, it's really sweary. So if you don't like very cheeky language and some dirty jokes, then it probably won't be the book for you. So Jennifer says, I am loving this beautiful video. Thank you for sharing it. Nice. You are absolutely welcome. So pretty. Sivia says, I have a boyfriend, but he always see fault in me. That's a that's a good. Right there. All right, well, we need to get going here. But thanks, everybody, for being here with us today. Thank you so much, Una, for being on our channel. If you want to get her her book, you can either go to Amazon or you can get the first chapter right here at fitfeelsgood.com forward slash chapter. You can also go to there should be a link above or below this video, depending on where you're watching it right now in order to go get that chapter. Or you can just say, you know what, I'm just going to get her book because it sounds like it's awesome and I love and she's great. So that would be my suggestion. Just go to Amazon, follow the lead of pretty feisty and go to Amazon and pick up a copy of her book. So thank you, everybody, so much for being here. I am absolutely honored to have you allow me to be a part of your journey to attracting the man and getting into the relationship that you've always wanted to have. So thank you so much. We have some of the smartest, prettiest, most amazing women in the world. As a part of our community, we have women from all over the world. And so thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much, Una. Did you have anything any last words you want to say? Oh, nothing, but thank you so much to you, Matt, and to all of your amazing people for the great questions and the engagement. And I absolutely loved it. So thank you so much for having me. All right, thank you, everybody. And we're going to get going, but I will speak with you again soon. Bye. Bye bye.