 dipped her snap into a puddle of my own waste to determine whether she was trustworthy or not. Oh, waste. That's yuck. Anyway, we'll talk about that later. Defecate. Welcome to episode number 18. Is it 18? Yep. Short term memory loss. Michael's high. Oh, dude. Short term. Too many oils. So many different oils. We've just been singing for half an hour. We've just been having different types of oils around the house. Vegetable oil. What do we, what's happened? What are we doing on the weekend? We've been, oh, we've been very healthy. Last week was, okay. Last week was fucked right after the podcast last week. This is why this is why we couldn't Twitch stream and It's been exactly a week. It's been stressful because I felt so shit for so long and I've lost like six kilos in weight. And after the podcast last week, I fucking felt a lump like on my abdomen. So I freaked out, went to the doctor, had to go get an ultrasound, and it turns out it was just a benign little fucking lipoma thing. But I was like convinced that I was fucking had cancer and I was going to die. Yeah, it was a rough few days. We didn't get much content on. Yeah, but fuck, I've survived. I've beaten cancer now. Yeah, fuck, you're not that hard. Not so quick. And like, yeah, it's like, it's a bit shit. Normally I have to do it. Wasn't that difficult. Oh man. Wow, you're good at that shit. Yeah, it's just like, just like, I was just like, whatever then, just be not like dangerous. You shoot it away. I'm dangerous in that. And then I like, yeah, just smushed it out. That's hot. Yeah, I like that. It's very hot. But other than that, we're fucking on a massive health kick. We haven't been, we haven't had a bloody drink or a bloody 17 days, I think. And we've been eating real well. Obviously we still don't want a bit of fucking weed oil every fucking hour. Then Matt Brown, sorry. You don't want to lie to everyone, do you, Michael? Oh, I had a cruiser on Sunday. You fucking dog. Fuck, I did have one drink. You fucking dog. I just wanted it for the flavor. It's like a fizzy drink. Literally like soft drink. It's amazing. Look, I had a couple of wines last Friday as well. Yeah, you can have a view here and there. I've been getting tagged to every fucking night. Yeah, we got a home knife, two bottles of wine every fucking night. Fucking bag cheese days is always, there's always something. I had a smoke of the meth. I had a smoke of the meth this morning. You want the truth? No, but we have cut back a lot. And yeah, like I haven't been drunk for a while. And yeah, we're feeling, feeling a bit better. And yeah, it's just, it's just good to be out and about. It's going to be back. It's going to be back, isn't it? It's just going to be back. We're losing control. Everything we just said was false. We don't know what day it is. It's all in our hands. Oh, my God. And that's what happened. That's what happened this week. Oh, my God. Fuck. All right. Moving along to... Fuck off, please. So Matt Brown handed me these facts today. And like, to be honest, I don't want to read them. I didn't want to read some of these. They're very confronting. And I guess also interesting though. So yeah, he's done it again. He's putting in the hard yards at the lab. He's putting in the hard yards at the lab. He's first in doing the... He's last out. Chemicals hot. You bet your bottom dollar is last out. I can't see that coming in there. I'll put a few pennies on it. 11.30 p.m. He's still in there smoking. Fuck me. Is the meth help? On this day, in 1959, James Dean punched six kilograms of mulch up his arsehole to prepare for an acting role where he played the lead role of a rose bush. Oh, I guess that would help you be more planty. Yeah, apparently he was really like... He always... What's it called when you get really into character? Like, you don't... Jim Carrey does it a lot. You're a method actor. Method actor. Meth on actor. Holy shit. That's how they do it. Yeah. So he's a massive method actor. And punched six kilograms of mulch up his arsehole. That's a lot of mulch for those of you wondering at home. Let me just say that much right now. Stand up and tell us. Let me just say that much. He may still be with us if he hadn't punched six kilograms of mulch up his arse. Fucking applaud that. Applaud that, Matt. Oh my god. All right, here we go. All right, try and get the giggles down. On this day, in 2003, arms stood up against the tyranny of legs and all banded together in one huge line of arms that spread from America all the way across the ocean to Australia. Legs have since conceded that arms are also an integral limb and have been for all humans. Bit of history there. And I'm sure everyone remembers where they were when they had them. He just, everyone's torsos for a bit. Yeah. One of my relatives was actually like one of the arms there. So, I mean, I remember that. That was crazy. Holy shit. All right. I haven't on this day. I just have a moment of silence for arms. Oh man. Fuck. I'll just have a 10 second moment of silence to just remember arms. All right, and begin. Can you shut the fuck up? Letting people laugh and just letting people laugh. Okay. Thank you. On this day, in 2004, Katie Holmes was involved in a peculiar accident where six birds floated at incredible speeds and all slammed. He's just so hard to read on. Let me try again. All right, here we go. In 2004, Katie Holmes was involved in a peculiar accident where six birds flew at her at incredible speeds and all slammed into her skull in very quick succession. The resulting blows led to severe internal bleeding and she sustained some moderate brain damage. Then she married Tom Cruise. It's fucking good. It paints such a beautiful image. That's what better if I could go with Tom. Holy shit. Oh, that's hot. It's hot. On this day in 1990, Madonna opened a restaurant where she sold the meat from 13-year-old girls in a few of her signature dishes. She was later sued and forced to sell 13-year-old boy meat as well as just selling girls was deemed sexist. Boy meat. Boy and girl meat. I heard Jeffrey Epstein was hoping on that. I did hear that, too. Okay, yeah. You should have written that in, man. You should have written that at the fucking end. You're writing these. You know that information. Put it at the end. That's interesting. Fuck up like that. Come on. Do you own magnets? Seriously? Fridge magnets. Yeah, just magnets in general. I think I've got a couple on the fridge, but I think mostly it's the photos of James. It's James's photo. I think magnets really tell what type of magnets you have to say a lot about you. I don't think we own any. I think we don't have a few magnets. We've got a lot of real estate ones. Yeah. So, Michael's really loves these landlords and kingpin real estate. I've got options. So, he has magnets. So, he has magnets. We've got a plumbing one. Yeah. So, Matt's always got- An electrician one. He loves pipes and stuff. So, I've always had an interest. Is that all of them? Ah, yeah. Yeah, that was all of them today. You guys should release some fridge magnet. Yeah, I think we actually have. Hey, look. Which reminds me, this podcast is brought to you by the University of Markle. Go on fucking, pay $5 a fucking month. Hurry up. Hurry up. Go. Quick. But you get two weeks free. Yeah, you get two weeks free and you get to watch all our shit, all that shit that we can't post in social media, really fucking awesome videos. Okay? Really, you want me to be honest? They're good. Okay? They're very, very good. That's some of the best shit we've ever done. Some of the best shit we've ever done come. Okay? It's on there. You haven't seen it unless you pay for it. The child abuse video is pretty good. So fucking University of Markle.com. Okay? And just fuck. Come on. Give it here. Give us, give us a bit more. Hurry. Anyway, moving on to the next segment. It's our promo for our website. Hurry up. Next segment, which has been renamed to And this is just a segment where we read questions that you guys have sent in to our Instagram. First question is from Noah Jasek and he has asked, what are some cheeky Australian alcoholics drinks you would recommend for an American? Wine, beer, etc. Looking to switch stuff up. I know you blacks know some good piss. Stonemwood beer, I reckon. Yeah, I love me. A bit of beer. You'd probably, you can tell wine. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't, depends what you're into. It's such a broad question. Like, and like, yeah. Yeah, it's like, I drink wine. That's pretty much all I drink now. I have the top 10 Australian beers from New Idea Food, if you want to hear them. Yeah, look, look, Matt, we'll have a fucking listen. Okay, we'll listen to five and then we'll, we'll see how that's going. Okay. Actually, I can only see eight, so I'll read eight. Oh, this is from Wheezy Fox. Wheezy Fox. Wheezy Fox. It's fun to say. Have a go. Wheezy Fox. Have you ever found any crazy animals in your toilet? Yeah, just the ones I've put in there. Geese. Large, large rats I've put in there. When I lived in the shipping container at Greg's property, a fucking frog came up, green tree fox. So many times I had to get Greg to come down and get him out. Because I can't deal with that. It's like a creepy crawler, it's fun. What did you find in your room today? Oh, like a grass hopper, the size of a ruler. Yeah, huge. Like it sounded like a fucking drone when it was flying through there. It's so sick. It's huge and hard. Like a wooden, wooden out of case. Fucking disgusting. A wooden out of case. He's got armor. He's got armor. All right, next questions from Cory. This is to Michael. Have you ever had corona beer in a can? I know, I live just north of Mexico. I don't know if they sell it anywhere else. Yes. Michael's had every beer out of every fucking can, tin, glass, sand, mud. This is a question from 03-Terras. Question, what's the most fucked up you've ever been? Oh, fuck. I don't even want to talk about it. It's too fucked. What was yours? Remember the fucking night? Yeah, I didn't want to talk about it. Yeah, fuck. There have been some fucked times. Yeah. But like, yeah, it's not, yeah, they're horrible. They're fucking horrible. Like, obviously, yeah, mum's found me with shit all through the bathroom. That was fucked. Like it's all over me. That's probably, that's a pretty fucked way to get. All right, next question from Greg Shelton. Two questions for each of you two face fuckers. What are your five favorite animals that you'd love to own? Forget about logistics. Five favorite animals? I have to say cow. Mini cow. Yep. Dog. Goats. I'd want a little pig and a little sheep. Pets to own. Right, okay. So like in a barn and you'd sleep with them? Yeah, I guess a tea kettle pig. Is that what they call them? They're the small ones that stay small. I get a cat as well. Like, so there's like a, and create a bit of rivalry. I'd swap the sheep with a llama. I'd want a llama. And I'd get a seal and just keep it in my bathroom as well. That'd be cool. I have a seal in there with you. Is that five? Yeah, I think so. And I want my seal like really big and have the tusks so it's a bit dangerous. Would you fuck the cow that you own in this? Yeah. Oh no. I don't know. I don't want to, it really, it frustrates me to think about it because it's such a difficult question upon that. It frustrates me just thinking about that problem. You feel a bit fiery. I'd be, I'd be fucked. I'd be fucking horny all the time. And then I'd be, I'd ruin my fucking life. Okay. Next question. One more one, sorry. Also, what are your favorite types of movies? I just love comedies like Hot Rod, Anchorman. Yeah, I just fucking, comedies, I just like to get them and just shove them, shove them down my fucking head. Can't, you've seen it, not seen it. I just fucking get, suck them in. Yeah. Eat the DVDs. I eat the DVDs of the comedies. Just fucking slam them into my face until they eventually go to my fucking mouth hole. You cunt. I eat the DVDs. The DVDs. I eat the DVDs. Oh my God, my God. I eat the DVDs. What about the Blu-rays? Pop a Blu-ray in. It's pop a Blu-ray in my mouth. Oh fuck, that was so good, dude. I really enjoyed that. What about you, favorite types of movies, Michael? Oh, Freddie Got Fingered. Not another teen movie. Watch that. Yeah, that is pretty good. It's a classic. Just stupid comedies, I guess, as well. Anything that's not fast and furious or avenges. Pills and chills, I said. What inspired both of you to start doing what you're doing now? Also been loving you shit since the start and the best of wimps and shrimp dicks. Just to fucking make people laugh. Yeah, for comedy, I guess. Yeah, we had to show people. We just wanted to have a laugh with everyone. Make you forget about death for that split second when you were a hunched over in laughter. You don't really think about death. Three minutes of fucking distraction. That's what laughing is. Laughing is the only time you're completely not thinking about death. Then once you finish laughing, it is always lurking in your context. Once you finish laughing, that's what you're thinking about. The thought, the action. It will happen. It will happen to everyone. Everyone dies. The thought is always there at the back of your mind. Pushing against your brain. Pushing it against your eyeballs. Building pressure. Pressure. When will it happen? When will it happen? Fuck. Okay, go dark then. Yeah, so that's that. That's what that is. I don't know what the question was. I think it wasn't if we'd like movies. Something about some movies or something. No, why did we get into it? That's what it was. The DVDs. The DVDs got us into why we do it. Ain't no Blu-ray shit here. Which brings us, of course, to our next segment, which has been renamed to... And that is a segment where we just unbox stuff that you guys have sent into our PL box. And we have two things this week. One is a mistake. Someone sent this in by mistake. It's actually not to us. And it's like some tax thing. So we probably shouldn't open it. And the second is this. So our fingers crossed at something nice, hey? And not something nasty or something like that, hey? You're in my view, Mr. Bean. That's who you are, I've decided. That was Mr. Bean. Bean. Look at Teca-Clean. Look at Teca-Clema, Flele. Holy fucking dog shit. Would you look at that? Someone's drawn us on bloody Microsoft Paint or something. That's pretty bloody. That's pretty bang on, isn't it? Oh my god. That does look ridiculous. Very good. Glorious Ringworm Kings. Bless you for being the funniest nonsense this shitty world has. Seeing all the horrific things that happened to Marco give me a reason to live. I got a friend of mine to make this art of you and I hope it earns a place on your wall. Her Instagram is green is gross. So at green is gross or one word. And she is exceptionally talented. Please give her a shout out. Guys, if you want to fucking see this sort of shit, head on over there, all right? And please comment on the art she's done at last. Thank you very much. Keep up the good work and keep sodomizing those cows, Marty. Your local ringworm at Lockie L-A-C-H-I-E underscore bubbles. B-U-B-B-L-E-S. Bravo. Hurrah! It's really great. It's really great. All right, for stunt time at you this week, we're coming right out here at Las Vegas. We're going to clap as hard as we can four times. You're high-fiving, you man. Yeah, we're clapping hands. We're aggressive. You're high-fiving. We're aggressively high-fiving. And this will be the title of this podcast too, because that's, I would watch that. Like, these aren't going to be just fucking normal high-fives. We're going to be, this is going to be, yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried. Yeah, I'm scared now too. Shit. Are you ready? She's digging it. It's sort of nice. Is it up to prank call time? Not yet. What is it up to? It's up to prank call time, yeah. It's my dad, name Peter. Say you are an animal rights or RSPCAC. Someone brought a goat off him and it's bad and it's had human babies. Now you have to repress all his animals. What? Repress all his animals. He sells goats, chickens and whatnot for a living. You will get toast if you push the right buttons. Be funny as fuck. Yeah, all right. That's good, eh? That's perfect. That's human, baby. Have you recently sold a goat? Hello. Good day. Is this Peter? Yeah, good day, mate. It's just Trevor Wolt here from the RSPCAC. I was just wondering if I have a moment to chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, mate. So it's plugged to plugging me stereo. Yeah, yeah, no worries, mate. Have you recently sold a goat? Sold a goat? Yeah. Yeah, mate. Yeah, well, we've just had reports from the new owners that there's dried cumbuna tar. All right, mate. That'll be from the son-in-law, I reckon. Yeah, so, you know, these types of claims, we have to come and check them. So are you free for coffee? No, I'm not free, mate. I'm driving a B-double-one. Are you free for coffee, son-in-law? Are you free for coffee sometimes? I want to check with the son-in-law, eh. Fuck it. Don't worry about the fucking goat. We're flirting. We're flirting. Sorry? Oh, I'm a bit flushed. I'm gonna get flushed. Sorry, it's just... It's from the daughter's boyfriend. I'm flirting with you. Oh, I'm all flush and all hot and sticky. Hey? There's sweat pooling at my feet. I'm so flushed. Hey, Amy, you can have a turn if you want. Oh, fucking hell. Who's this fucking... The fucking Irish police, the Amy. No, this is Marty and Michael, mate. I think your daughter might have set you up here. Her, the bastards. Yeah. Yeah, she's... Oh, fucking give her the word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let her fucking have it. Marty, give her a body of your own. All right, thanks. No worries, mate. Thanks for putting up with that shit. No worries, brother, catch up. See ya. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? Was that a prank call? I don't know, dude, but... Or was we just like having sex on the phone, then? Why was he so... Did he even even know he's like my RSPCA, my arse? Did he think it was actually that until he heard me laughing? And what the fuck? Oh, man, that was fucking weird. I knew I wasn't going to be able to say that with a straight face. Yeah, he kept it like he didn't fucking keep laughing. That would have been so hard not to... Oh, man, all right. Well, clearly we are the fucking best by far. We're fucking... It's official. Holy shit, that was the best thing I've ever seen. The best. You're welcome. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best.