 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dyle. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're listening to this and you've never actually seen this podcast, if you go onto YouTube, if you've ever used that little thing called YouTube, you can actually type in my name, Rob Dyle on YouTube. You can subscribe to us on there. I get tons of videos of people that are watching me in their living room on their TVs through YouTube app and all that stuff. So if you wanna actually see through what we're doing and see us here in the studio, some behind the scenes, go ahead and follow me on YouTube as well. Today, we're gonna be talking about rejection. And I'm gonna be talking to you about what most people are afraid of, which is in some way being rejected. And then I'm gonna teach you, number one, why rejection happens and why we're afraid of it, but number two, why the power of no is so important for you in your life and your growth. Because here's the thing, let's be real, at some point in time in your life, you will be rejected. Unless you literally just sit inside of your house from this moment on throughout your entire life, you will be rejected at some point in time in your life. There's no real way to get around it, whether it's a job application or a scholarship or you go up to that person who you've been seeing at the gym for a really long time and she's kinda cute and I think she thinks I'm kinda cute. You walk up to her and you get rejected, whatever it is, let's face it, you will eventually face rejection. And rejection can hurt. It doesn't actually hurt us. We hurt us when we're thinking about being rejected. Because what happens is it can bring up the feelings of unworthiness. We can bring up the feelings of doubting whether this is what we're actually supposed to be doing with our life. It can bring up the feelings of loneliness. But what if we could look at rejection in a little bit different of a light? What if instead of letting it bring us down or allowing ourselves to bring us down is probably a better way of saying it. We could use it to actually grow ourselves, learn from it and improve. What if we could use rejection as one of our strongest facilitators, strongest, like I think the way I think about is like doing sets at the gym, right? And you're lifting really heavy. If you wanna lift really heavy, then you wanna grow, you're gonna need a spotter. What if you could have like rejection be your spotter? Like you can think of rejection as your sidekick on your way to success, whatever success means to you. And so that's what we're going to explore today is the power of no, the power of being rejected. But before I dive into it, let's talk about why in your mind rejection feels like it hurts. Why are we so afraid of it? Well, it's very simple if you go back to the fact that 200,000 years ago we were tribal beings. And if we were rejected, if we were kicked out of the tribe, there was pretty much no way we were gonna live. Rejection basically meant death. But today, rejection does not mean death at all. You could be rejected 100,000 times and not be killed, not face any sort of death. But it can also bring feelings of like loss. It can feel though, so it's like rejection can feel like, oh my gosh, there's something unsafe here. But rejection can also feel like you lost something because you were so excited about that job and you didn't get the job. And you feel like you lost it even though you never actually had it. It could be the relationship as well. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to ask her out. And then she rejects me, oh my gosh, I've lost that thing that I thought I was going to get. It could be a raise where you're rejected for a raise. Oh my gosh, I thought I was gonna make more money. And now it feels like loss because the fact that I didn't get that raise that I had my, I didn't get that money that I had my mind set on. And it shines on rejection and its core shines on one of our biggest securities, biggest insecurities. And that insecurity is unworthiness. Rejection shines a light on one of our biggest insecurities, which is unworthiness. I am not worthy. And if I'm not worthy, I won't be loved. That is one of our biggest fears that we have. And so what we do is we have internalized the belief that our worth is tied to some sort of achievement. Like if we don't reach our goals, then we're not good enough. If she doesn't say yes when I ask her out, then I'm not good enough. If my boss doesn't give me a raise, then I'm not good enough. If I don't get this job that I apply for, then I'm not good enough. When in reality, those two things are not attached in any sort of way, but we think that they are. And so we've internalized the belief that our worth is tied to our achievements. And if we don't achieve that goal, we're not good enough and we're a piece of shit. And we didn't end up getting what we wanted to and all of this stuff. So when we start to think about that and we take a step back, what can we do instead? So to not take action would mean that we don't feel those feelings. And so what do I do? Instead of feeling those feelings of insecurity, of unworthiness, I'm just gonna do nothing. We will do everything, every other action, except for the thing that we need to do to move the needle forward because we don't want to possibly be rejected, possibly feel unworthy, possibly feel like we lost something, possibly feel our insecurities. And so what do we do? Nothing that moves our life forward. We settle for safe and comfortable. But before we dive into the benefits of rejection, it's important to know what we're getting rejected for. Like what we feel like we're getting rejected for, right? So it's really funny because we actually take these insecurities and place them on something where insecurity doesn't need to be there. So I'll give you an example. For me, this is very easy to talk about because I've trained thousands of salespeople. In thousands of salespeople, almost every person struggles with making phone calls. Almost every person struggles with making phone calls and they don't know why. And so they'll do everything that they can, they'll organize their numbers, they'll research these people, do everything that they can to make them feel like they're working when in reality there's being busy instead of productive when the most productive thing they can do is make phone calls. And so having trained thousands of salespeople, almost everyone struggles with making phone calls. Not because of the rejection of somebody saying no, but because somebody saying no would make us feel like we're getting rejected as a human. And so it's not that we're afraid of the no, we're afraid of the no making us feel like we're not worthy. And we think, and that's why it's important to be like, what am I actually being rejected for? If I'm a salesperson and I go and make a presentation, I get in front of somebody and they say no to me, are they saying no to me as a person? No. In reality, all they're doing is just saying no to a business proposal. The no is just the sales process. That's it. They're saying no to the business proposal. They're not saying no, Rob, you suck. But we think to ourselves that that's what's actually happening and so we try to avoid it. We personalize something that shouldn't be personal in the first place. It's just no to buying a product. Is every person going to buy a product from you? No, of course not. But we take this and we change it and morph it subconsciously most of the time we're not even consciously thinking about this. But we take no in this example and there's many examples and we change it and we morph it and we make it all about ourselves because all people are narcissists in some sort of way. How is that so? Don't have time for it in this podcast but we think everything is our fault and the world revolves around us and if somebody says no to our business proposal they're actually saying no to us. So we morph it and change it in thinking that I'm not enough and I don't want to think that I'm not enough. So we avoid it. We avoid making the phone calls. We avoid doing the things that we actually should do because we're afraid of what will happen if we actually step out into the unknown. But there's many benefits of no. There's many benefits of getting rejected and that's what we're gonna cover today is the actual benefits of going out of your comfort zone and actually getting the phrase no and being uneasy with the feeling of unworthiness and uneasy knowing that these things will probably come up with I don't feel like I'm enough and feeling those and going this isn't true the person just said no to my business proposal. So the first thing that's really important about the benefit of no is it gets us out of our comfort zone. We have to feel the feelings of fear and do it anyways because fear never actually goes away. Someone asked me the other day I was on a Zoom call with one of the programs that I teach and one of the ladies there said Rob like what's the secrets? Like what's the secret sauce to overcoming fear? And I was like well if you can figure that out please let me know because there's no magic pill. There's not, there's no magic pill like hey if you do this thing you'll never feel fear again. Feel would disappear. No fear is always going to be present. Expect that fear is always going to be present but feel the fear and do it anyways. Feel your fear whatever that fear is that you're feeling inside of your body and do it anyways. If you never get rejected you never leave your comfort zone and your destiny is to have the same life you currently have. That's just the honest truth. If you never leave your comfort zone you never get rejected you never put yourself out of your comfort zone your destiny is to have the exact same life that you currently have. And if you listen to this podcast I don't think that you want the same life that you currently have. And if we never hear no it can mean that we're not taking enough risks and it doesn't mean that we're not good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or not a good parent or any of those things it just means that hey you're sitting in your comfort zone you're not going and taking any risks. So how can we use this to go you know what I got rejected I put myself out of my comfort zone that's a good thing. I was you know what I did feel fear before actually making that cold call did the person hang up on me they did but you know what I did something that I was afraid of and that right there in itself is a win. So how can we turn rejection into a positive force in our lives? I had a video I saw years ago and I remember it was a Ted talk and a blog that this guy had and this guy was afraid like he was decided to leave his job and become an entrepreneur and with being an entrepreneur you have to be rejected a lot of times and he realized he was holding himself back because he was afraid of rejection. He was 30 years old and he heard about this idea called rejection therapy and rejection therapy is what he was reading a book about and he said you know what I believe in this I'm gonna try for a hundred days just to go out ask for something completely ridiculous and just be rejected and so his only goal was to go out and be rejected every single day and then he filmed it and he blogged it like he did crazy stuff too he went to a burger place he ate the burger and then he walked up to the front and said hey can I get a burger refill? And he was like no. He decided one day he was gonna walk into a dog groomer and asked them to cut his hair like a German shepherd. He walked into a Super Bowl party with chips for people that he didn't know he just heard a party going on one time he wouldn't have got some chips knocks on the door and they open and he goes hey I brought chips can I join your party? They ended up saying yes and so he just did these things where he was like I'm gonna get rejected and be okay with rejection okay with rejection okay with rejection and he got a lot of no's and he became better with rejection but what was really surprising about the entire thing is he got a lot more yeses than he was expecting he knocked on a random person's door and asked them he had a soccer ball in his hand knocks on a random person's door and just asked a guy if he could play soccer in his backyard and the guy said yeah sure come on in the guy just let him play soccer in his backyard by himself and he was like he didn't expect him to say yes but he's like screw it I'll go ahead and do it anyways he walked up to a police officer in his car and he said hey can I drive your he said hey can I drive your car and pretend like I'm a cop and the cop said yeah go for it and took pictures of him pretending that he was a cop in his cop car and let him drive it he was on a plane one time and he asked the flight attendant if he could read the safety announcement and they said yes and so he read the safety announcement he went into a crispy cream donuts and asked them hey can you take five donuts and link them together to make them look like the Olympic symbol and she's like yeah I guess that I can and so she did it and then at the end he's like okay how much do I owe you and she's like no this is free this was fun I like doing this and so he was blown away and how kind people were and how many times he was afraid of being rejected and sought for sure I'm definitely gonna be rejected for this thing and people didn't and what he says is when you open yourself up to the world the world will open up to you when you open yourself up to the world the world will open up to you if you think about like C.S. Lewis C.S. Lewis was rejected 800 times before he got yes for his first manuscript and if he had given up there would be no chronicles of Narnia think about that for a second 800 knows before he finally got a yes so what are some other benefits of no first off the thing that I think is great about no when being rejected is we can actually use it as a positive feedback mechanism we can we can see oh I was rejected if it's if you're in sales process what could I have done better how could I have listened to my prospect more how could I have presented it to him better what did it what did they say that maybe I missed and we can learn and we can improve like the first thing I think about the first time I felt rejection in this podcast years and years and years ago when I first started it the very it was like I would say like four or five months in of this podcast and I got my first negative podcast review and the first thing that popped in my head was fuck her who is she to tell me that I'm not a good podcast or all this stuff and then I thought about it and I was like maybe she's right because what it actually said I don't remember specifically what it said but it was something along the lines of 1400 episodes and I still can't freaking speak correctly but it was something along the lines of for running a motivational podcast this guy has the most unmotivating voice and immediately what I thought was like screw her who is she she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about and then after my feelings that insecurities and unworthiness went away I went hmm I wonder if she has a point like let me listen back and I realized because of fact during a podcast back in those days there's no cameras that we use any of that stuff because of fact that someone can't see me maybe I need to be in more emphatic in the way that I speak maybe I need to use my tone better to get across what I'm trying to say and it was really really positive feedback and I think back to being really insecure in that moment but taking it as positive feedback and thinking how can I become better and I'm super grateful for that lady that left a shitty review that's why we need more people to give positive reviews to this podcast so if you do love it please do so but how can we use those rejections as a chance to reassess our goals and to make sure that we're doing what we need to do to get better you know are we pursuing what truly matters to us or are we just chasing something that doesn't really align with our passions because we're just trying to go for money and we're not really following our true passion you know rejections can be a really good wake up call to make sure that we're not settling and we're doing something that really does make us happy another really good way to turn rejection into a positive is to use it as a motivator when we get rejected it can be tempting to throw in the towel and to just give up I've thought about it many times but what I tend to do is actually use rejection as a motivator I love having a chip on my shoulder I love seeing like an event with people who are whatever podcasters or influencers that I was not invited to and feeling the feeling of rejection going well they're gonna know who I am one day I love the feeling of seeing all of these you know oh these are the top podcasts in the world and I look and I don't see my name and I'm like okay 10-4 let's go ahead and keep on going right we can use it as a motivator we can have a chip on our shoulder to prove other people wrong so instead of giving up we can use rejection as a fuel to actually motivate us to work harder and to improve ourselves like rejection can be a really tough pill to swallow it can it brings up all of the feelings of insecurity and when you you know the thoughts of when you you weren't picked for the kickball team and you were the last kid and nobody picked you like it could bring up all those feelings of insecurity it can be a really tough pill to swallow but it can be a great opportunity for us to learn from our mistakes and come back even stronger than we were before another thing that we can do we can use rejection as a way to build our resilience you know when we're faced with failures we're faced with messing up we're faced with any of those things it's really easy to get discouraged like getting discouraged and losing faith in yourself is an easy thing to do but it's harder to go I'm gonna continue to keep going anyways I'm gonna build this resistance resilience I'm gonna keep going I'm gonna use this as fuel to keep me going but instead of letting those rejections that come at us define us we can use them as a chance to actually develop resilience inside of us and learn how we can bounce back whenever times get tough cause it will be tough times no matter what you're gonna be rejecting life people are going to die things that you thought were going to happen are not going to happen how can we use those rejections as a chance the power of rejection the power of no the power of not feeling good enough as a way to actually bounce like really get ourselves to be good bouncing back when we get into tough times and we can learn how to handle rejection we can handle setbacks we become more resilient and better equipped to handle all of the challenges we might get in the future so when you start to think about this rejection can it be scary yes can we not want to do something yes can we feel unworthy unlovable that we lost something yes but we can also look at it in a completely different light and say 10-4 let's go this is what I was built for continue to reject me to continue to think that I'm not gonna continue to doubt me continue to give me feedback so I can learn to get better so the next time we're faced with rejection don't let it get you down use it as a chance to grow yourself to learn to find new opportunities remember every no is just one more step closer to a yes and who knows the next yes could be the one that completely changes your life but if you just decide to fall away and not take action your life will never change because you didn't go for that next yes so instead of letting rejection hold you back embrace it learn from it and use it as a way to grow and improve yourself so that's what I got for you for today's episode if you love this episode please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R and I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode make it your mission make someone else's day better I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day